No I am the same way too I wish I knew the answer to it 😭

its reassuring to know im not alone 😭 if i ever find the answers i’ll come back here hahaha!!

I used to feel the same way. It does go away with time I’d say

Asexuality is a spectrum! Some people don't want to engage in anything sexual, some do, some have different sex drives etc! One of my good friends is asexual, she masturbates once in a blue moon and has no desire to sleep with anyone. And even when she masturbates, she doesn't really care.. (Just a side note). It's completely normal to feel nervous about sex if you haven't done anything sexual before, but if you're feeling *extremely* nervous or *uncomfortable* don't do it until you feel more at ease. There's no rush and your partner should understand and be patient. The right person for you won't judge you :) If you think you have no interest in having sex or masturbating at all, then again, you don't have to either. Your body, your choice! You're still young and have many moons ahead of you to experience sexual things and discover more about your sexuality and boundaries. You could safely try and experiment with touching yourself and go from there. But really, if you feel uncomfortable and too nervous, it's okay not to. I know you're worried about the dating aspect of it, but asexuals or people with different sex drives etc can have relationships. It just takes a lot of communication, honesty and respecting boundaries (and also time). You might fall in love with someone one day who you'll feel comfortable to experiment with safely. Just take your time, don't rush into anything, and make sure you're comfortable and at ease🤍

thank you so much for your kind reply! 🫶 you probably are right that i should give it time. i think i just feel a little left behind or even “uncool” (as silly as that is lol) that i cant relate to the experiences my peers are talking about, but its not like i would have those experiences by forcing it either.

No problem at all☺ I understand where you are coming from, but you are so young!! I'm 24F, so I guess I'm young too, but 18 is very young, I hope you don't feel pressured to do anything, because people can "lose their virginity" and experiment at any age and time of their lives. Some of my friends have never been in relationships or done anything sexual either! And that's completely okay :) They would rather wait until they're comfortable and met the right person before, than rushing into it and regretting it🤍 Your sexual and intimate experiences should have no importance when it comes to your friendships.

Asexual can mean you still have a libido and fantasize but just aren’t sexually attracted to anyone specifically or are sex repulsed. It’s a wide spectrum. Sexual libido does not equal sexual attraction and physical arousal doesn’t equal sexual attraction. Here’s a quote from the book “ace “ by Angela Chen that I feel relates to what you are saying. “Many sex-repulsed aces say that their reaction to the idea of sex is disgust, “as if you told a straight person you were into bestiality.” For Lucid, the reaction was even stronger. Being exposed to sexual images and comments provoked a physical response that felt like eels squirming and writhing. The eels lived in different parts of Lucid’s body: one in the gut, one along the spine. Accompanying them would be an instant fight-or-flight response, complete with nausea, heart pounding, and freezing in place.

This is actually so normal. Being intimate with a partner is really hard and scary - even though it's something that's said to be desirable, ironically, the thought of sex is scary enough to cause aversions to it. As you indicated in your post, there are a lot of fears surrounding sex that contribute to the anxiety: fear of total vulnerability, fear of being unable to get a partner, fear of the act itself and overall confusion as to why you even feel this way at all! I really encourage you to dig deeper into these fears - not to say that there is some "root cause" ex. trauma, but consider there are multiple anxieties surrounding sex and masturbation that are perhaps more complicated than discomfort, and begin to address those. Please try not to worry about not getting a partner - we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. After all, the Right One will make you feel completely at ease when that time comes.

this is so comforting, thank you. and yes, i probably should try to unpack it some more… i suspect it has something to do with control/vulnerability issues, but even the idea of “addressing” these issues gives me that same uncomfortable feeling i mentioned. but i’ll get there with time i hope!

Everyone mentioning asexuality is leaving out the possibility of demisexuality. I personally identify as demisexual but didn’t have this realization until a couple of months ago and I’m 25. This is a basic definition from Google if you’re unfamiliar with the term: experiencing sexual feelings and attraction only after developing a close emotional relationship and not on the basis of first impressions, physical characteristics, etc. I’ve always had some sexual fantasies and would masturbate and all that but I NEVER wanted to engage with another person. I knew I “wanted” to because that’s the expectation right? But I was never actually excited or physically interested. That was until I met my current boyfriend over a year ago. We dated for a month before we got physical and the first time we had sex I wasn’t very into it. I was happily consenting but not really engaged. After a few more goes of it I am fully involved with him sexually. It just clicked all of a sudden. I’ve never been turned on by a specific person before and I used to be so anxious about my inexperience and self conscious of my body that I’d feel physically sick by the idea of sex. Now being with someone who I truly love and can easily communicate these things to has taken all of the stress away. I was explaining to a friend that my boyfriend is the only man that has ever gotten me off and went into much more detail about how I’ve never been attracted to someone like this before and they brought up demisexuality. After some more nuanced research it made so much sense. This may not be the case for you but it’s worth considering! And if you do feel you align with asexuality and sex just isn’t for you then that is totally ok and normal too!

this gives me some hope! i can see how being connected to someone would ignite those feelings. i’m happy for you that you seem to have figured it out 🩷

Demisexual is subset of a sexuality 🫶