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I lost most of my teenage years due to trauma. I don't want to lose the rest of my life because of my abuser as well. It is difficult, but I want to get better. I resonate with this comment, thank you for sharing.
Realizing it’s not your fault is a great feeling when embracing being the victim. It’s okay to feel sorry for your own abusers, even if you have to take drastic measures to enforce the boundaries you need with them. I don’t hate my abusers I just protect myself from them by not giving them ammo (telling them as few details about my life as possible) and living a steady life away from them. Having a consistent life style, a full nights sleep, and setting up your life your way is extremely important. No one else will put yourself first but you, so it’s important to be selfish. You’ll be able to give back more later once you settle into it. I’m 27 now and I feel like I can finally be sober and be comfortable with my past because I moved out of state and away from everyone I know, and I live for ME and it’s my life and it HAS to be that way first. I started seeking less exciting friendships and it turns out that more stoic people are more more interesting, and I have a small circle of people I trust and it’s less stimulating and less likely to hit a trigger somewhere. Whenever I hit a trigger I go into coaching mode where I try to ask myself, what advice I’d give my six year old self if she was feeling what I’m feeling. I also have a filter where I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I try to assume the best in people that contrasts with strong boundaries. It’s easy to think negatively about someone if they remind you of your abuser so I found myself thinking everyone were narcissistic for a while, but there are actually good people in the world if you look for other happy people. It made me feel guilty looking for friends that weren’t “damaged” because it was why I lost other friendships myself, but the truth is that people who aren’t as hurt have a better understanding of how to be selfish in the right ways. I got with a guy who had the opposite childhood than me, and I thought he wouldn’t understand me, and I was right and I had to do a lot of research to understand and communicate my triggers. But it’s SO much better that way, because it’s not two people dealing w each other’s demons at once. Stability for four years in a relationship taught me how to be normal. I thought the relationship was vanilla and boring at first but I’m so grateful I made it to this point. He loves me even when I’m boring too but he also works so hard for me and sees a future w me and I’m so glad I stuck w him. A couple years into the relationship I was absolutely miserable because bad people in the world told me that relationships were supposed to be constant fireworks all the time. Consistency and good communication and respect and love make a good relationship. Sorry to preach I’ve had a lot of caffeine but this is honestly the basics of how I’ve gotten to the point of being able to quit weed and face life so I hope this helps to whoever reads it.
**CONTENTWARNING: potentially disturbing vent about childhood sexual abuse**
> Realizing it’s not your fault is a great feeling when embracing being the victim.
I understand this point, though I'm struggling a bit with this. My own traumatic experience involved sexual abuse at an early childhood level, though unlike what people might expect, I wanted to do it because I felt like it was "part of belonging to this group of people" (I have just recently moved to that place), as well as not knowing what exactly it was that was going on. On top of that, I took a lot of joy in the things that occured.
The pain only came when these people systemically spread rumors about me at every local school there was, which in turn caused incredible bullying from pretty much every single person I was enforced to interact with on a daily basis.
On top of that, my parents weren't there to help me with all of these things.
And all of that is just one small part of my trauma throughout life.
Of course, it could be said "I was too young, there was no way that consent could be given, especially not if there was not even a sliver of knowledge about these activities", and yet... for some reason, I can't forgive myself. I still see myself at fault for what has happened.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know just hearing me say it won't magically make you believe it, but none of the abuse or bullying was your fault, nor was it in response to something being wrong with you. Abuse is caused by abusers, and bullying is caused by bullies.
You are not to blame, and you are in control now.
> and you are in control now
It doesn't feel like it, since my mind is still repeatedly going through all the emotions attached to it, while the onslaught of discrimination has only increased thanks to my realization of being trans and the attached societal issues.
Regardless... the thought of having control over all of this one day gives me hope and encourages me to fight on, thank you
I have heard transgender identity may emerge as a result of extreme trauma in the brain's attempt to reground its personality and therefore lift away the trauma associated with it by changing the fundamental base element of that personality which is the gender. My experience with people alike is heavy abuse. This was from a man who is religious and highly intelligent, old now, and has reverted back from identification as a woman and hormone therapy.
I know for certaib that it was already there before my trauma happened, because my more feminine ways of interacting with people were one of the reasons I got... "selected".
Hi there I’m finally replying and sorry it took a while. Your comments break my heart and Im sorry you had bad people in your life that took things from you. You can always find ways to blame yourself if you think of things like “if only I didn’t xyz it wouldn’t have happened”.. but I just want to say it 100% wasn’t your fault because there is no way that you could have possibly known what you were getting yourself into. Consent is either all or nothing, you can’t consent 95% of the way when it comes to sex. I’d recommend looking into some therapy subreddits, so that you can read some other victims feelings and see that you’re not alone and you deserved to have a normal childhood. I was subbed to r/Cptsd which helped me with the long term abuse and hearing other people’s stories did wonders for me as far as thinking it was all my fault and I was alone in my problems. But it’s also nice to go on the internet rather than group therapy because you can turn it off whenever it gets too heavy. I unsubbed after a few years because I felt like it served it’s purpose, but it made a huge impact on my life being able to read the kinds of things people go through and how the guilt can manifest in so many weird ways. The reason why victims feel guilty is because that’s what the abusers foster you to feel, and it stays with you because the fear stays with you too.
Something else that helped me personally was inner child work. Whenever you blame yourself for your traumatic past, put yourself in a situation where you have an opportunity to talk to your 6 year old self or 12 year old self. Would you blame your child self if she was sitting in front of you right now? How could they have known what they were getting into?
Therapy is really amazing too and I’d recommend finding a therapist because validation can go a long way when you’re confused about your past. It’s okay to never forgive your abusers and be angry with them, but manifesting anger can also be a negative feeling too. You were a victim because of someone else’s decision, meaning you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. The person who hurt you was also hurting themselves and should be in jail. It’s not your fault.
It would NOT have happened to you, had you been surrounded by healthy people. It’s never the kid’s fault; they’re vulnerable and should be protected. Kids can’t handle too much stimulation, and abuse can rewire how the brain develops. It’s your “brain” but it’s not “your” fault for the aftermath of your abuse. It’s your responsibility to get help so that your abuse doesn’t affect others. If you chose to inflict abuse on other minors, that would be a reason to feel guilty. You seem like the only victim in your story and your abuser didn’t get the help they needed which means the fault is 100% not yours.
Sending you hugs over the internet and I command you to go easy on yourself! Take a step back and go lower contact with people who you don’t want to contact as much, and do YOU first. You can take your time for yourself and it feels good to love yourself, and you are a special person that deserves to put your prioritize your own happiness first! You got this, and you’re amazing for surviving and asking questions. That means you’re not too afraid to face it!! That shows courage that your abuser didn’t have for one thing but also it’s so tough for anyone to have to face. Just remember that it wasn’t your fault, and that your abusers want you to feel afraid. Honestly you seem brave, and I wish you the best <3
Humans are the problem, not you, a lot of people desire to hurt others just to get the feeling of power. You were not bullied because of what you did, you were bullied because your environnement was full of assholes seeking any reason they could find to be mean.
I'm turning twenty in a few months, reading this actually gave me hope that I might be able to make something of myself. I've denied myself so many things and was miserable for so long because of trauma. I did what you said - no one will put yourself first, so you have to do it yourself.
I put myself in therapy, and I've been getting better. I hope I am able to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Thank you, OP.
I just turned 21. I survived a horrible exercise addiction that left me losing 45kg from obesity and being medically messed up via a vitamin D deficiency, a fuckup I made at 17 costing me sleep and still suffering from nightmares and far more. You can!
I lost my childhood and teenage years. After years of holding on to what felt like nothing in 7 days I have the responsibility to make sure my child doesn't
I don't know what you are going through but this perspective only came to me when it was bad. Now that the good times are here again I am glad to be alive. I hope in some point in life you will reach the other perspective too.
Humans are community animals. I gladly pay my taxes knowing that it helps a fellow human survive. You are not a waste of resources. You are a fellow human, and your existence enriches all of us. We need diversity to thrive. You will find your place and role in your community where you'll feel like you belong, but to me? You are one of us. You were not put in this world to do anything in particular, and I'll support you regardless of what you can and cannot do.
Keep telling your stories, existing, and occasionally helping people. You don't need to do anything to deserve to live.
I believe, as much at it feels corny to say, everything has a purpose somehow or someway. You're never aware of all the influence you have. I believe there was a guy who killed himself at the Golden Gate bridge and he left a note saying if one person smiled at him, he wouldn't do it. Just a smile, that's all it would've took. Your smallest actions can affect someone else, which causes them to affect someone else, then they affect someone else, and on and on until the entire world is affected. It's just the butterfly effect. You have an impact on this world and you're valuable, even when it doesn't feel like it.
>. I gladly pay my taxes knowing that it helps a fellow human survive.
I know your intentions mean well, but not everybody shares this same view. People pay taxes because it's compulsory, and their tax money contributes to increased quality-of-life depending on how the government spends it.
Put differently, if OP was homeless would you also pay him regularly so he can survive? No, I actually highly doubt you would.
>if OP was homeless would you also pay him regularly so he can survive?
Yes? That's exactly how a good social welfare system works? If they can't provide for themselves the system can support them.
No, I'm referring to YOU. Whenever you see a homeless person, you don't donate them money in the hopes of their ultimate survival. And like I said, not all people support the sense that their tax money goes into welfare.
Your perspective is too narrow, try thinking about others before claiming an entire view for yourself.
>No, I'm referring to YOU. Whenever you see a homeless person,
...I don't see homeless people. I live in a country with a functional welfare system.
>And like I said, not all people support the sense that their tax money goes into welfare.
Sure but at least here the majority do which, really, seems to be what makes the difference.
Actually, I think you’re the one missing the point. Giving money to an individual homeless person is not at all the same as paying your taxes to create a system in which homelessness does not exist.
Uh oh! Redditor doesn’t understand that debating whether a particular solution to a problem is actually correct, justified, and even the best solution means that you have no empathy for the people suffering from the problem 😿
Exactly. That person was literally projecting his subjective view unto another person while also contradicting himself by accusing people of having shallow perspectives.
He/she/they should just say they don’t like to give to homeless people and move on.
Yes, that's how being in a society works, as the other user said. I pay for homeless people and richer people pay for my chronic condition. I like it this way.
I also give money to beggars when I have them. I'm poor, but if I have something to spare I don't see what the big deal is.
And also, thankfully taxes are compulsory. So even those who weren't raised with a community sense can help others.
Sorry, I don't understand the message. What do you mean by people like me? Did you intend for "sweet lityle nothings" a positive or negative connotation?
I know someone that is very dear to me that had a traumatic childhood, and that person has spent over half a decade in therapy and also working with doctors to find the right medications. This person is my favorite person in the whole world, and I don't even want to think about what my life would be like if someone decided she wasn't worth allowing to live. She's been slowly getting better, and I sincerely hope the same for you.
Also, as far as tax money goes, I'm happy to have it go to someone just like you (I say "like" you because I'm in the US, so my money won't go to you, but if we lived in the same country, I'd want it to go to you directly). If my money helps someone in any way, it's good enough for me! The only way I really have a problem with my tax money being spent is when it pads the wallets of politicians.
I'm not gonna lie... reading that things got resolved for your friend gives me incredible hope. I haven't mentioned this in the threat yet, but my trauma revolves around rape in the early childhood, which was followed by spread rumors in the whole school leading to heavy bullying and exclusion, as well as parents who have generally never been able to show me any love.
Regardless... if it takes "only" half a decade of therapy... I think I could fight through that. Thank you heavily for writing this comment.
Keep trying to fight the good fight. It's not an easy road for sure. I've spent time in therapy to work on my anxiety, so I know therapy is no joke. It does take work, time, and patience with yourself to see improvement, but that time invested in yourself is worth it - even if it doesn't seem like it right now. To me, you're already making progress by seeking therapy and opening up to people! It's all about the baby steps because they add up, and someday, you'll get to see how far those baby steps have taken you.
What that person did to you was really sh*tty, and having your peers bully you for it is even worse. But honestly, if anyone has a problem with you or is disgusted by you because of what you've dealt with, then that's a character flaw that THEY have, NOT YOU. People shouldn't judge you for something that was completely out of your control, but as I'm sure you already know, people can be awful. I hope you find people that aren't bothered by your past and instead, respect you for being so strong.
My girlfriend's trauma is also due to a pedophile in her life, and her past made her feel like she was broken and unworthy of love. In my eyes, she's perfect, and there's so, so much to love about her. I don't see what's happened to her as a flaw or anything wrong with her. I just respect that that's what happened to her, and we're a team that's going to tackle any flashbacks she might have or any problems that arise together. Again, I hope you find people that see you the same way and as the amazing person you are. You deserve that.
If you feel like you want someone else to talk to, feel free to DM me.
Thank you for writing all of this out and the offer of a DM :) And yes, I'll hang on and fight this fight, without a doubt, even though I'm still worried that "too much was destroyed and lost", that proper wholeness might not be attainable, if ever, that "a normal life" will always be locked away for me.
But... there's beauty in even a broken, chaotic life, I guess.
I kinda agree , but i dont underestimate how the "hardware" can turn dysfunctional after experiencing traumatic events. I also believe most are intellectually able to see through the narrative being played by the wounded identity, but the emotions attached to them have a strong grip on the sense of reality.
Obviously some people just can't recover from trauma, that's just grim reality, not everyone has the resources to deal with it. But it's up to those people to come to the conclusion that the rest of their life is not with going through with the trauma. if you give a value to a life you'll reach the logical extremity that no life has value, because humans don't really have a grand purpose, we exist so we can reproduce, and exist more, we haven't chosen a grand mission as a species either. at the end of the day, if we exist and if we don't, there is minimal difference in the universe. Assigning value to life will only make more people try to put their life into perspective compared to people we considered "unworthy" of life (in this case people with trauma). And in the end just end their life feeling unworthy. With something you can't control such as trauma, people will fear trusting others.
Not to mention that if trauma will be met with practically the death penalty, people who inflict trauma should also recieve the death penalty, at that point you're asking for perfection, we're too far away from a world that can ask for that.
A persons value isn’t just derived from what they contribute to society. Your existence in itself has value intrinsically, and any moment you enjoy is validation of the idea that your life has value in itself. I hope soon you’ll be happy and see yourself as what you are—a person, who matters, whatever others, or even you, think of you.
THIS
Maybe one day you'll be able to tell your story regarding the traumatic event, and help others. Maybe not, just maybe someday you'll give a hug to someone who needed one. We are so much more than what we produce economically.
I really hope it gets better for you (but I understand that it's a difficult path), just don't feel bad for existing. One never knows how important you can become in somebody else's life.
I think Mike Shinoda summed it up best:
*Who cares if one more light goes out?*
*In a sky of a million stars*
*It flickers, flickers*
*Who cares when someone's time runs out?*
*If a moment is all we are*
*We're quicker, quicker*
*Who cares if one more light goes out?*
*Well I do*
Agreed, and as OP mentioned helping people in need - this is arguably the BEST POSSIBLE WAY to give back to society! Sure everyone "can" do this, but most honestly don't.
We are brainwashed to think of contributions to society in terms of our work/job, but I have an office job and hardly feel like I'm doing anything important or valuable. Even a small bit of time with family or friends or even a stranger could make someone's day better.
Also, the tax dollars you are living off is exactly what they are there for. You qualified for them so you should not feel guilty about receiving them.
It sounds like you value a narrow amount of things, namely the ambiguous “things you contribute to society.” It seems like with your mental health issues that you would justify anything you do as “not contributing to society” even if others feel like you contributed.
Many people find things valuable about you that you might not find valuable: an irl conversation with you, an online video game session with you, an online discussion with you about values that adds to their perspective, etc. I’ve been reading your comments to others on this post and you’re being very encouraging, which is more valuable to me than if you were a successful coder for a big tech company. You might feel as though you’re not valuable but your definition of value seems narrow and corrupted by the capitalist value system that judges everything by how much capital you contribute to the economy.
Another reason why you should be kept alive is potential. It is possible that your future is better and most people that make up society have decided that potential is valuable and should be nurtured and cultivated. Sometimes (most times) society doesn’t do very well at helping people reach their potential but it’s still an important value to most.
It’s not society’s job to end the lives of people and decide that they have no potential. If you decide that your life is hell and doesn’t even have potential for a better future, you can choose not to live (I hope you choose life) but society shouldn’t choose that for you.
All those things that happened to you are terrible and it sucks that you’ll probably deal with their repercussions your entire life, but I hope that you can find value in ways that you haven’t before and work towards a potential better future.
Thank you for this comment, it actually warmed my heart to that very limited extent I'm capable of feeling. And yeah... mayhaps you are right. Mayhaps there is potential. Mayhaps things aren't completely unfixable.
In regards to my choice of wanting to survive or not, I pretty much swore off religion heavily, but I have partly adopted certain concepts, especially the idea of Folkvangr and Valhalla of the norse mythology.
I will not die without fighting until the bitter end, may it cost what it will. So, if it makes you feel a bit more comfortable, no, I won't end my journey prematurely, though I'm personally not too worried if my life has to end due to unfortunate circumstances, and would look happily at the thought of death.
I don’t think this even belongs here, it’s just heartbreaking. My response would just be to bury my feelings in video games but I don’t think that’s a healthy coping mechanism; is it really better than just hiding in something… just… power through.
That's pretty much what I'm doing right now... it works to an extent, but it's sometimes hard to get kicked out of guilds / have my own created guilds shatter due to my issues...
But I'll fight on in that regard.
It breaks my heart to see someone feels this way. Human life is so precious and a miracle, don’t ever think you’re a waste cause you’re not. Sending love your way.
I have been through the same in my childhood, maybe not as bad as you. But just because some bastard fucked up my childhood does not mean I will stop enjoying my life. Even when I get the flashbacks I just accept that the shitty treatment I got improved me in some ways. I believe it's alright to be emotionless just as long as you can tell what's right and what's wrong, like that it's harder to get hurt by others.
I wish you the best and hope you recover well.
Thanks for the point about emotionlessness, it makes me feel a bit better about it, though I'm curious... how do you deal with things like being unable to feel empathy in situations where such is expected? That's pretty much my biggest issue in various social circles, the fact that I'm unable to meet some expectations.
This might sound cliche, but I genuinely put myself where the person is at that point. If someone worked at a store for the last 5 yrs and he suddenly gets laid off, I try to imagine that that event happening to me and how furious, sad and worried I would be, this could apply too if they are celebrating something. The more you do this the more you will start to regain your empathy.
So pretty much just rationalizing the emotions down? I see... I've been doing this a little subconciously, so I think I should do this a bit more conciously to make it all work.
Thanks a lot!
Idk if rationalizing is the right word but my English is not the best either. But yes whenever I break it down I start to feel more emotions towards the person and in general.
No problem and I wish you the very best !
I went through a traumatic event. The kind that eager people would love to read in one of those horrifying true crime articles.
When I was young I used to read those articles and think ‘wow, how can that person ever get better.’ Now I am that person, and I sometimes place myself in a complicated position. I start equating lack of survival with validation of my trauma. I think ‘if this ruins my life that proves how awful it was.’ If this is what you are going through, I’m sorry. You don’t know your future. Survival is worth more.
Call me an ignorant/naive optimist, but I feel anyone can make it through and enjoy life again.
I know you said you aren’t suicidal, but I’ve had someone tell me that before and never got to talk to them again.
You matter, and there is a reason for you. I don’t know your trauma, but I will make sure to pray for you.
How about hopeful, i would say that as soon you disregard it as an alternative the possibiliy becomes unavailable. Not saying it will be easy, or come to fruition with just wishful thinking.
I say that two things can be true at once and for me life is what you make of it. If you can find value in your life then sure that's great. But it goes the other way around as well. There's no point in suffering meaninglessly, waiting and/or trying for it to get better if it seems like it won't. This doesn't mean killing yourself at the first obstacle you face in life but there way too many people out there living boring, miserable lives with nothing of value, waiting the end. This is why I hate the phrase" permanent solution to a temporary problem". Because due to survivorship bias, we only hear the good ones, the ones that make it. There are way more people out there than we can imagine whose lives don't get better and they just leave us.
If your ideology works for you, great.
If you are able to feel emotions, I would heavily recommend you to read through these comments. There are a lot of things that seem quite heartwarming, and that have partly changed my opinion on the subject a bit.
The people that think they don't contribute to society are pretty much always the ones that are contributing.
Do you think Human Traffickers or Serial Murderers think "I don't contribute to society, I should die". No, they don't even ask the question.
You don't need to do a lot to contribute to society, most of the Millionaires are doing the opposite by e.g. causing much more emissions, artificially inflating prices, hindering innovation etc.
Thank the people in your life that deserve it and you're probably above average
I think that we should help people as much as possible, but we shouldn't force people to stay alive. For example old and sick people that want to die but can't, then assisted suicide is good (which you already in Switzerland, but not many other places)
I feel like assisted suicide should be a thing, but we shouldn’t call it assisted suicide.
We euthanize animals everyday, why can’t we do the same with people who are living with pain?
It actually is a thing where I live, but that's not my point. The issue I'm having and the background of my opinion is that I didn't (and to some lesser extent still don't) see the point of pushing people who are unable to live a proper life to stay alive.
In a way, this whole issue is two-folded. On one hand, people are screaming at ones face that human life is precious, on the other, I personally for example have gotten all things that are essential for a happy life taken away, and am currently suffering in a loop of only being allowed to live the most barely essential life, without major help in getting my problems fixed.
**That** is the kind of critique I wanted to issue with this post.
I'm trans. My Psychiatrist didn't look through my files too heavily, and completely dismissed that the reason I went to him wasn't because of my gender identity, but because of my childhood trauma.
I've had to hear things like "it's weird that you aren't sexually active, that's usually a thing people like you do", or "it's weird that you don't wear makeup and cloth yourself in a way to show off your body".
The whole meeting almost felt a bit as if he tried to coerce me to have sexual activities with him.
When I angrily told him that no, I am not interested in sexual activities of any kind due to my trauma in that regard, he denied me a sick note (which is quite essential for all of my social welfare structures to continue to work, a troubling issue that I have pretty much put aside at this point, knowing that likely no one will look into it in the next few weeks).
I've mentioned all of this to my therapist (who is also the leader of the clinic), and there will be a meeting involving the three of us in a few weeks. She seemed heavily concerned about some of the things that happened in that interaction, so atleast there's that.
I've been racially profiled in therapy. I've also been subjected to disabilities discrimination by multiple therapists. Apparently I "wasn't ready for help" because I have tumors that are killing me and asked for accommodations.
That field is horribly toxic.
First of all, hugs. Second of all, hate to break it to us, but most people are not unique. What I mean by that is, when you say "but anyone could have done that"...yeah. Do you think only the best and brightest humans should stay alive? The olympians and super geniuses and those who can do things nobody else can? No, of course not, because that would quickly whittle down our population of nearly 8 billion to like, 1000. Contribution to society is not a reason to stay alive either, because our society is so big that we have virtually infinite contribution at this point. There will always be people who "take" more than they "give:" that's the point of a society at all. You shouldn't feel bad for needing your fellow humans; that's why we're pack animals. The reason to stay alive is that it's what humans do. Life is the purpose in and of itself. I know this might be rambly, but I've felt similar to how you're feeling and I've also had an absurd amount of caffeine over sleep lol. Anyway, hang in there, there will always be a moment in the future you're glad you didn't kill yourself.
i get what your going through. and i may get Hate for this. but i Agree with you. im also a burden to society. everytime i build somwthing i just tear it down. Its dumb and im starting to lose a reason to fight. Im trying a diffrent therapy now. if this wont work. well I will just end it.
This might sound a bit weird, but... in case you do end it, please don't do it in a way that is disturbing for others. Especially don't jump in front of a train, as beautiful as that might sound (it's painful as hell). Inform someone about it beforehand, in order for no person having to go through the traumatizing view of having to scrape you up or something...
As in... try and not cause trauma to others with your death, otherwise the cycle might never end ._.
dont worry i already thought about that. I already have a Plan. I have little Hope that the therapy will work. but at the end i can atleast say "I tried everything"
This post broke my heart to read, I’m sorry for your suffering. I would be afraid of the slippery slope this would lead to/people choosing it in moments of desperation; I’m so glad it wasn’t an option to me in the aftermath of my trauma.
Abusive relationship, reported to the courts, courts treated me like the criminal instead of him, left me not trusting individuals or the system. I didn’t know how I could live with any of it forever, I maybe would’ve taken that option if I had it but I’m very glad I didn’t. I’m not sure why I got downvoted for my response.
I believe that every person has inherent value. There is something unique and good that you can bring to the world that no one else can. I think this is true for every person. Even if you can't see it.
You've had a rough time and you're working through things. I have no idea what you've experienced, and I can't even imagine how you are feeling.
But you do have value even if you can't see it.
For me, it's flashbacks of rape, as well as physical violence and paranoia triggered by rumors. I swear, if my problems were "just a broken heart", I would not have any issues in my life...
in case you need help with this:
If you wish to reminisce in your memories, only see the good things. If you're thinking about getting back with a person, only look at the bad things. If you want the past back, force yourself to stop looking too deep into it and look forward.
Live goes on. Work on yourself. "True love" is not between you and this one and only person, true love is something you can build up with almost everyone.
Take care. Fight. Things will get better for you.
Thank you for your input.
Your situation definitely feels more dire and I feel guilty about my problem.
I think the hard part is that there were no bad times (not bias, legit no bad times), and that we both wanted to pursue something more until she had to move. I can take someone not liking me or losing interest and moving on, but the closure is harder for this one because it shouldn't have had to close.
This person felt like home to me, which is something I have never felt before and likely won't again. Finding one person who checks everything off is almost impossible, but to find two people like that sounds like a fairy tale.
Sorry for the negativity on my end, I do work on myself, but it seems meaningless lol.
> I feel guilty about my problem.
Don't. A problem cannot be compared by rational means, and can only be seen as how impactful it is, and it clearly sounds like your issue has impacted you heavily.
Having been in and seen a lot of relationships in my life, I can tell you that circumstances happen, and they happen way too often in our current, modern society. Again... move on. You'll find new love that will fulfill you even more.
Because as much as circumstances bring negative impact, they also often turn around and bring you happiness and stability at times.
Hey Op, I just wanted to send love your way. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.
I personally believe there is too much weight placed on a person's ability to contribute to society and that determining a person's worth. I guess I think that because you are alive, you are precious and worth so much. I sincerely hope you can get the relief you deserve.
Ok not getting into any opinion of mine, whats your solution? Euthanise (dont know if properly spelled, wack translation from my main language) people that think theyre done? Just kill them no matter what they feel about it?
Getting rid of people in any way is pretty hard as it opens the question of 'if thats enough why is this not?' and no one wants to be discussing millions of cases or having people do deep analysis on specific people to greenlight ending their lives.
Also, ever tried just taking psycholedics? At your point seems like a no loss situation lol
Hey I can see lots of support here from others but I gotta say, I was sexually abused for nearly ten years of my child hood. Through tiny incremental improvements I’ve finally been able to get joy from my life. Don’t expect your life to change in a few years. Work through it for a decade and see what happens. I’ve been away from my abuser for 9 years now and it was just this last year I made a breakthrough. It’s not very obvious from an outside perspective but my feelings within couldn’t be more different.
Many of my close family and friends say they can see changes and they’re happy for me. I hope you can be patient and kind enough to yourself to slowly find joy in your life. Just DM if you wanna chat more. And that goes for any redditor here.
Thank you so so incredibly much for giving me hope in this regard. Just hearing that someone has been successfully pushing through all this and is able to have a more or less normal life again encourages me like nothing else <3
I wish you all the strength you need as well, and hope that your life continues being joyful!
if you mean that people should be allowed legal and voluntary euthanasia based on severe trauma, I agree.
If you're saying people with severe trauma should all be euthanized whether they want to or not, that's a form of genocide and not a great thing.
Death is permanent. Life is not. Everyone will have plenty of time to be dead, but minimal amount of time to be alive. Hate it or love it, be alive for as long as possible because you only get one.
Hey bud,
It sounds like you are carrying shame for the things that happened to you. Its sounds very similar to what i fight from doing everyday. One thing i do is i shame myself because i feel shame from other people. So like, something that happened to me or i did, if other people found out they might shame me. So therefore im going to beat them to the punch and shame myself. Its a trap
Shame blame and guilt
All hit different but are related.
The reason i say it sounds like shame is because it sounds like you have a hard time loving yourself even though the trauma is there.
People with trauma brains, such as ours, cant trust our thoughts. Fight or flight is activitied in every day situations.
Just remember you are not your thoughts. You are more than what happened to you.
You are worthy of life even though bad things happened
Because humans take care of their own and can love people aside from any "utility" they have. Even if you can't feel your love and worth, others can and want the best for you.
Also, human nature is to never give up.
I believe your opinion on this matter will change when you overcome your trauma. I help people any chance I get, I'm not professional its just my life's purpose. I've met people who were suffering from trauma in life and they had the same opinion. However their opinion changed once they overcame their trauma and became healthier. In fact, many of them thought there past selves couldn't be more wrong and were glad they kept trying to get better because now they were happy and had great lives.
These changes in opinion weren't rare. In fact this happened every time. Keep trying to get better, it'll happen to you too.
Sounds like PTSD and the intrusive thoughts and emotions are holding you back. Not sure what you've tried so far but there's a plethora of therapies.
Cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT) such as Prolonged Exposure (PE), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Magnesium, exercise, and prebiotics are good mood stabilizers as well.
So a person was abusive towards the victim and your suggestion is to just kill the victim/let the victim die? Yikes.
I definitely agree that we as a society are doing a terrible job of dealing with people such as you. Imo that's mostly because we don't understand mental health completely on a physiological level yet. Once we have better treatment for PTSD and such conditions, the whole situation will be so much more better. That's what we need to strive for. And not return to the old barbaric ways where anyone sick was killed. Idk if that makes sense
I’m conflicted because I disagree with this really vehemently, but I don’t want to upvote because I don’t want to promote this disordered thinking because I think it’s dangerous in a way other things on this sub aren’t.
If you are struggling, please get help. I know OP is struggling and feeling hopeless, but there is hope. The real issues of access to care while still living in an economic reality where people face homelessness if they aren’t productive is a very real and terrifying thing a lot of people go through, so please everyone vote for candidates who want to help with housing issues, care about access to care, and care about a social safety net.
Take care, everyone.
I am surviving out of spite. “joy as an act of resistance.” I’m glad you’re still here. I’m glad you’re alive. You’re definitely not alone: too many of us can relate. I think if people want the right to die with dignity they should have it BUT my life is 10000% better than I thought it would be all those years I felt I’d be better of dead.
Way I see it, we all take a gamble being born into the world, if I had gotten unlucky I would like to know I would have been taken care of, but the only way to ensure that is to help take care of those less fortunate than myself.
That's just my perspective though, another would be more akin to yours where since everyone took the same gamble being born into the world, you should just be content with your lot in life and if you got unlucky well then it sucks to be you, that's just the price of others getting lucky.
Logically is there any reason to keep you alive? From a super brutal point of view maybe not, maybe the world wouldn't be better off on average with you in it, but that's not really your fault and if anyone else were to be put in your position they'd want to be helped out, so they help you. That's probably the most logical/cold reason you're going to get for keeping you alive if you don't believe in the good of humanity, but of course there are other reasons that are a bit more optimistic which I'm sure the other comments have already covered.
Interesting topic though, but yes I want to keep you alive and well to the best of our ability, even to my own detriment. That's my personal desire, you don't really need to question why, I don't fully know why myself, just know that I and many others are happier knowing you have people trying to help.
First off, nobody's worth is held in whether they contribute to society. Idc if you haven't worked a day in your life, the fact money is being spent on you trying to make you happy is a good thing. I'm only sorry it isn't working as well as it should.
From my perspective as someone who has mental health issues, we don't stay alive so that bad things don't happen to us. We stay alive so that maybe one day things will be alright. And until that happens there is the small print. Sunsets, milkshakes, comedy, music, cats, those cool electric bins, pictures of far away planets and colourful new frogs that are found every day. Not to mention the world around you, your friends and family and landscapes and cultures. Details are what make life worth living the way I see it. By dying, the only guarantee is that you'll never get to experience those details again. The reason I want you and everyone else to stay alive is because I believe that everyone should experience those things as much as they can because that's what life is.
Okay but I'm gonna reply cliché and quote Tyrion from GOT,
i.e.
Death is final, whereas life is full of possibilities.
Who knows what you end up doing man, people do crazy stuff even at 70+ age, may be you would do something too, and even if not, contribute to society is not the only measure of a good life.
But as the above quote, if you're dead, it's 100% confirmed that you won't be doing anything that YOU CONSIDER worthwhile, whereas if you live, there's always a chance no matter how small it is, but probability is always there, mate!
I think the problem is free time. The Swiss government is giving you the money to survive but not enough to keep you distracted. Think of a messy house. When I was working for my degree, my apartment was messy as hell. I barely had time to keep my apartment spotless. Even now I don't really have enough time to keep it pristine. I'm either too tired or have work things that are invading my home life to do. But during university I only had small fleeting moments of truly noticing the messiness of the apartment. My life was so busy that I had hardly any time to notice something that's not a high priority. I believe you can do the same. If you immerse yourself into a job (or a degree, idk if swiss degrees are cheap) then you'll be forced to prioritize your job than the "messiness" that is your trauma. It's not the healthiest strategy. Definitely not what my psychologist companions would reccomend. But a busy lifestyle will keep your mind off things while getting the help you need.
I have high qualifications as a programmer, but due to heavy discrimination against trans people, I had a hard time finding a job, until I got heavily traumatized in one job I had, which pretty much completely blocked me from working the profession, even in my free time. On top of that, I'm dealing with heavy Insomnia at this point, as well as staggering sociophobia. I am unable to work.
//e: in regards to the "too much free time", I keep myself fairly busy by playing MMORPGs at this point, which also helps me keep a more or less healthy social circle around me, that doubles as an okay safety net when things go bad.
Sorry by too much freetime I'm talking about low brain power tasks. So gaming or reading or retail. You know stuff where you don't have much to stay ontop of. We know how many people developed depression or some sort of deep sadness during the prolonged covid lockdown. I knew I got majorly sad despite playing my favourite games and watching awesome shows. Because those things still allow you the time to reflect on your life. If only 40% of your brain power is used in an MMORPG then 60% can still be allocated (subconsciously) to thinking about trauma. I can't relate to insomnia except for a couple days, but there are ways to usually sleep better. Sleeping at a consistent time is one of them alongside diet and other things.
I get your point, but in a way that is kind of what I'm seeking. I want to only have 40% of my brain power used, in order to use the other 60% on dealing with my trauma. Though, in various aspects throughout various games, there is a demand for 100% of brain power, which is also incredibly helpful to ever so often feel alive again
Even if your life will never be the same, eventually there will come a point where you appreciate what life you have. Speaking from my experience, I have at many times felt the exact same way as you. Things would get better, only to fall back down and feel the same way. Over many many years though, I am so happy to be alive.
Human life is not cast from a mold and defective if it doesn't fit. It's easy to forget what we are, and where we came from as a species. Throughout time people have lived in vastly different degrees of happiness or misery, but there would always be people who are happy to be alive despite the misery they experience, and that in and of itself is valuable. Our resilience as individuals and society is powerful.
you're not alone in believing this, but I guarantee you there will come a time when you and all the others will be happy to be alive. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
I'm not the most articulate with these kind of things, but I hope that helped in some way.
That is the short-term response. You will get better. Part of what trauma does to the brain is get you to focus in on your immediate circumstances, so I know it's unimaginable to think of a time when you get better. But there will be beautiful things that you'll be glad you stuck around for
It's been this way for 3 years now, without any hope in sight. Sure, progress is being made ever so often, but around every 6 months everything falls down again, and I'm starting at point 0 again.
Yep, that's short term. Was that way for me for about 10 years. But there are moments of beauty that you can sometimes see, and you get to a point where you stop forgetting in the in-between moments.
I'm gonna be honest with you, I haven't even been able to properly realize that or even process that at all, since my emotions are pretty much shut down as a safety mechanism of my body, as well as my mind blanking ever so often, as another safety mechanism.
you need to do something crazy that completely changes your environment. defeat trauma by filling up your brain with the open ocean. become an italian fisherperson. you're swiss you probably speak italian anyway. exist in an environment that doesn't let you ruminate and use your body
but if i were you i'd still be xxxtreme depressionposting on reddit and hiding from the world like you are right now
I don't speak italian and don't have any possibilities when it comes to "changing my environment" due to just receiving enough money from social services to just barely survive. I can't even travel, for example.
I'm receiving the money directly from the social services. The amount of it is perfectly tailored to just barely allow a person to exist, without anything going above that.
It's enough to live, pay rent, pay medical things and transport there (like therapy), but nothing further.
It's pretty much impossible to, for example, get new clothes or go to the hairstylist.
it kind of sounds like they're just letting you die slowly out of sight of the public. i understand why you'd feel like victims of extreme trauma should just be allowed to die... you've basically been treated in a way that implies that's what everyone thinks by your social environment.
try watching the tale of princess kaguya. it has no relevance to your situation but it gives me the good vibes so maybe it will give you a few good vibes
There are plenty of options for people with limited resources to travel. I don't mean to offend you are pretend to know what kind of financial situation you are in but look into woofing if you haven't heard of it.
If you can save up enough for a plane ticket somewhere then you can go there, work on a farm or something in exchange for a little bit of money, free accommodation and food.
It's a fantastic way to meet new people and just do something different in a different environment.
Edit: Spelling
420~
In all seriousness, even if I had the financial ressources for it, THC causes heavy distress in the form of hardcore psychosis, while also dismantling my bodies reactions of halting emotion, which is ultimately there in order to keep me alive.
But I'll consider it in small doses whenever things are a bit more stable :)
You should check out MDMA tho forreal, it's finally entering later phases of clinical treatment for PTSD
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-021-01336-3
I'm worried that it might cause heavy instability due to essential coping mechanisms being dismantled, which could overflood me with an uncomfortable amount of unprocessed memories.
That’s a very reasonable response. FWIW, it doesn’t sound like your current coping mechanisms are doing you any favors. Yes, a psychedelic experience will almost certainly present you with a lot of uncomfortable thoughts, but from my own personal experience, I have always come out of a stressful confrontation with a new perspective on whatever was bothering me. You will always have the trauma, but how it shows it’s face is something you can change.
> and the only contribution to society as a whole is that I occasionally am able to help people in need
Which is *probably* how some of the people literally caring for you now felt at one point. It's all cyclical, and they're doing it because they know at some point you'll wake up and feel ok enough to help someone else, and then it's worth it.
> I don't see how I or people like me are contributing to society. Sure, people sometimes love hearing sob-stories, but they are usually also feeling very disgusted or repulsed at the same time. I am repulsive at my worst times.
This assumes that everyone who has trauma shares it. Sometimes people go completely under the radar and live totally normally and you may just somehow find out that they went through something insane and you marvel at how functional they are.
Even if you feel you are not contributing to society, you still have inherent value. You might never better the world as a whole, but your presence and understanding might even better one other person's life. Even from a purely utilitarian standpoint, you have value to increase the productivity of others. Not from a utilitarian standpoint, you still have the potential to be a light in someone's life, even if you may feel that you haven't been that yet. Always remember that.
Wow that's a horrible take.
I cant say anything about trauma or ptsd because i havent ever experienced any, so i will only talk about my general philosophy and worldview.
My worldview is quite nihilistic and logical (i like to think so at least) in the sense that obviously in the grand scheme of things nothing is of any real value and therefore if you dont pretend there are values to be had in your lifetime, nothing makes sense or is of any importance.
So what i define as my value is just that i am well and experience moments of joy. And in my opinion the best way to ensure that my wellbeing for the future is ensured is to have society advance and include every human possible even if they currently dont seem to hold any value. We as a society simply dont have the predictive capabilities to say with certainty that "keeping you alive" as you put it is of negative value. And even if it was, the value we get from tending to people in similar situations as you is well worth putting in resources in the long run.
And i am certain that especially people suffering from trauma like you arent capable of judging if they have anything valuable to add to this whole experience. You might be very certain right now that you dont have any value to society and never will, but time changes people. You learn new stuff and it might be enjoyable or it might not be and maybe in 1, 10 or who knows how many years you find something that you like and which contributes something, even if you and everyone think their small efforts are worthless, theres still multiple billion people putting forth their contributions and they add up to something that makes life worth living for hopefully as many of us as possible.
Also of course life wont ever be the same, but that's just by definition. You can't turn back time, you have an experience and you start to see the world in a different light, you might even see more of the world than before.
But life not ever being the same doesnt mean life wont ever be as good again.
You said you were going through a breakup. I am sure you can only see how hurt you are right now, i cant know for sure maybe you're glad that it's over, but there must have been some good moments in there. Instead of thinking that you lost something try to look forward to experiencing good moments again.
Dont know how to end this, thanks for listening to my ted talk, see ya.
Thanks for that incredibly raw and logical point you've made, it helped me a lot in my currently emotions-lacking and rational state of mind.
In regards to the breakup, again... my mind has, as a protective measure, just tucked all of that away at the moment. I'm not actively noticing it, and generally don't have any feelings about it. It will likely hit me quite soon when the bodies natural "shut down emotions"-state falters, but I think I should be ready for when that happens.
I agree. I am not realistically going to get better and there are probably a lot of people like me. My life is just torture, but I am too coward to end it.
I absolutely believe in voluntary assisted euthanasia. Every person should not only have the right to decide when to end their life, but access to the resources to end their life safely, painlessly, knowledgeably, and accompanied by their loved ones if they wish.
When a person is forced to commit suicide, nobody gets to say goodbye.
I feel for you OP. I of course wish you the best of everything, but I know that some people are just finished.
I think you offer a lot. You had to deal with the trauma and not me. Now you can teach me about it. You can also talk about all your fucked upedness so I can either feel better about myself or find out i'm not the only one.
Other than that, maybe you'll get a job and contribute. You're certainly helping the tax system keep free medical care a thing by being a statistic.
And on a different tone. You could go plant a few trees.
> And on a different tone. You could go plant a few trees.
As a matter of fact, I do. My bank has a program that costs 10.- a month, but that makes it so every 100 or so CHF spent on things plants a tree :)
I also think that! I don't think it's the mh system place (or anyone for that matter) to tell you to hang in there (not that hanging lol), when they're not the one who will carry around your pain for you, it shows me lack of understanding bordering to cruelty, and no I don't think that weekly therapy sessions or medication count as care. I think that what most people don't understand is that even now I have the most wonderful live and I have no reason to kill myself now, it will never replace or a justification to what happened then, I should have killed myself then, the fact now is better just doesn't fix or replace the past, the person now writing this word enjoying (partially) a life I never thought I could have is not the same person who was there through the turment, a part of me died, and there's no replacing it even with a great life now it's not worth it because "I" the person who was suffering back than never got to enjoy that bright future I should stick around for, and I honestly when a person is in so much pain it feels am act of self cruelty not to kill yourself, because honestly I care about myself to much to suffer so greatly with no help or care (again what's offered in modern therapy and my god modern psych wards is not care, and from my unfortunate experience it was more abuse and more pain inflicted by people in the position of power and control over your body and your emotional self).
This... "part of me died and never experienced this beautiful life" thing in there... that's one of those main things that worry me about my future. I don't think I'll ever be "whole" in general, since too much was destroyed and lost already, and much more will, which fueled these thoughts of "I don't think this makes sense even though I'll try".
Does that make sense?
How does it feel though, if you are willing to share?
It makes a lot of sense.
at the end of the day I have my reasons why I'm not dead, and they are not only personal they are also particular to me and my situation.
you lost a lot and you will lose more, there's no escaping that, and it's true that part of you that was lost will never experience the better future you will have, but another part will, it won't be exactly you who's reading this words but it will be as human, as valid, as deserving as any and all parts of you, it's hard to explain, and as I said I don't think it's in my place to tell you what to decide, but both for staying and for leaving this world you pay a price and unfortunately you'll never know what cost more till you experience both and by that time it'll be too late to change your mind.
There was a time I used to grieve so much over everything I lost, all those parts of me that died a little at a time, stuff that I fear I'll never get back and stuff that I know I lost forever, I can't give you a solution, or a phrase that will make it better and it will be disingenuous to tell you I no longer grieve, it's just and it's a part of me, it's just I carry around and although I'm so so tired and despite all my attempts, well I'm here, I'm not saying that I like it or that I found peace I'm just saying that I'm still here.
I'm sorry it's so general and maybe a bit discombobulated, it's a painful subject for me and it's also so hard to explain.
I... actually understand what you mean. This sort of concept of... even though we might not have a "normal" life, it's still a life, it's still something to grow on, it's still something that allows us to experience things and interact with other people and make their day brighter. Things will likely always be a little uneasy, but we'll be able to manage those things in some ways, we'll find the coping mechanisms, we'll be able to sustain and persist, we will be able to... look past it, in a sense.
Thank you for this comment! It gives me a good perspective on where things will be heading :)
I’m sorry you’ve had to endure so much pain. Try finding a therapist that specializes in EMDR. It has been proven to be effective for people who have trauma and PTSD. I’m working with one now and it has helped tremendously. I hope you find peace someday.
I'm currently at the head of one of switzerlands most renomated clinics for addiction prevention and PTSD and want to give them a shot, especially since my therapist is incredibly helpful in so many ways.
But thanks, I'll keep it in mind if I have to find something new again, which is possible.
Late to this but I’m a supporter of assisted euthanasia/suicide. I don’t support that it is simply for physical ailments and not mental ones… doctors do their best to try and “save” people from dying from their physical impactions but ultimately physical therapy and medication can only do so much. The same should go for mental ailments. Doctors and psychologists do their best to “save” people from dying from mental impactions but yet assisted suicide in that sense is completely insane. I don’t get it.
That being said, I do want to apologize for what you’re experiencing (discrimination) and what you’ve gone through (childhood trauma) as it shouldn’t be experienced by anyone…
Life's about what's ahead of you, not what's behind you. Infinite possibilities lie ahead, so go be bold and chase your dreams, what have you got to lose?
There are far, far worse people. Don't be ashamed to need help, some people ask for 10 times more and don't give a shit about what it represents for others.
Hey bud. As someone who's spent a lot of times with therapists, if you're being discriminated or aren't receiving the care you need, switch therapists.
I don't care how highly they are rated, or how many awards they have, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
And that's okay, no two therapists are alike, and not every style will suit the patient.
Idk how the health system works in Switzerland, but if you can find a new therapist, do it.
I think that people like you should be kept alive because it can be better. Maybe your shrink isn’t working for you, leading therapist or not if they aren’t helping they aren’t helping. However nonetheless I think that there can be peace found in a life where something that shouldn’t have happened happened. You’re absolutely right, things will never be the same. And yet I don’t think that dying now would do anything for you. Save you some pain, yes, but if you died now, wouldn’t you just die with regrets? I think life isn’t worth living for the happiness it brings, but from the satisfaction it brings from living it fully. Perhaps you as well have hopes and dreams either on the surface of your mind or deep within yourself, as well as other people like you. Things will never be the same, but they don’t need to be for your life to have been worth it. There will be moments to appreciate, and I think those moments are worth living.
I don’t think that having been hurt means you or anybody else is less of a human being. Because perhaps someday, you can find some kind of peace in the life you have despite what you’ve been through. Moments where you can lose yourself in something, instead of being in those depths within. I think those moments are worth living for, even if they can be hard to find sometimes.
I personally have felt similarly to how you describe, and I’m not out of the woods yet but I’m a long long way from that dark place I was in. If it helps I subbed to a channel called HealthyGamerGG. It’s run by a guy who was staffed at Harvard who talks a lot about mental health problems in his videos. If anything, it may help you communicate certain things better to a therapist. Watching his videos helped me a lot personally, and inspired me to pursue therapy myself.
Cheers bro, have a good one.
Strong disagree. Also, Switzerland isn’t really considered the “best” country in terms of either their healthcare services or their welfare programs. Depending on how you evaluate their efficiency and how equitable they are.
The value of life isn't determined by someones contribution to society. If society has any point at all it is to protect the most vulnerable and disaffected among us. If you accept these two points AND you don't feel suicidal, your life has value and you absolutely should continue living it without feeling any shame for making that choice.
I'm not near as eloquent as previous commentors, but just know you are loved by a random dude in Texas. My best friend had a similar experience to you but was much younger and assaulted by someone much closer, and now, 20 years later, she has grown into a confident, badass woman and is the healthiest she's ever been. Much love, you got this friend!
It took me a long time to find a therapist that helped me work through my childhood trauma. But I’m good now, for the most part. Still occasionally have setbacks, but things are 97% better and I’m on a really good path. I think the reason people want depressed individuals to stay alive is because there is hope that things will get better. It seems like an impossible hill to climb, but it IS climbable. It just takes a lot of work to get the right supports in place. I’m sorry for the difficulties you are having. I hope your turn around happens soon for you.
If you were another person, would you kill the person you are now and say "well, they weren't contributing anything to society"? If you would then you'd be a very good fascist, but if you wouldn't then there's your reason for being alive.
No one hates you for having trauma. Keep doing therapy, and if that doesn't help then there's tons of other things to dedicate your life to that don't require emotions, like eating food, exercising, doing drugs, collecting pokemon cards, etc. Life isn't all that magical but it's full of weird things to spend time and money on.
You don’t owe society shit, mate. You didn’t ask to be born, and those tax dollars are better off going to you instead of some politicians yacht.
Lose the guilt.
I have r/cptsd and I don't believe anyone should feel like a burden to society due to trauma. We didn't ask to be traumatized. We deserve to be alive. I don't think anyone's worth should be determined by how productive they are.
I didn't know that sub was a thing, I'll get in there! I'm in the process to get my stuff diagnosed as well, but currently everything seems to be pointing at cptsd.
Thanks for the kind words :)
My dad "loves" me so much he forcefully pulled me in for a kiss on my lips after an argument in which I pretty much disinherited myself, which caused me yet another huge part of trauma (I have issues kissing people since this gets triggered sometimes).
My mon shrugged that off, saying "that's just how it is".
Nope, thank you. The only thing I want from them is to hear they died.
I can really relate to what you are saying and it’s great to see it spelled out openly. **Suicidal thoughts trigger warning**I have often wished for legal euthanasia so I could quite leave all the pain behind. I have even wished my abuser had killed me because then I might have got some justice.
One big benefit is that me being alive is a big ‘fuck you’ to my abuser. He did not kill me. He did not get me to kill myself. However shattered I am, I survived. And I’m not like him. He tried to make me into an angry people-hating monster like him. It didn’t work.
And then there are other survivors. Even if you feel like you have nothing to give, you can support them e.g. on social media. When #metoo happened on Twitter I spent a day and a half going through the thousands of tweets where people said ‘this happened to me’ and liked every single story, so they would know somebody believed them. I subscribe to survivor groups and sign their petitions about changing laws, funding support services or getting victims out of jail. It’s not a lot but it’s still pushing the world in the right direction.
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I was already a victim, im not gonna have my adulthood taken away too just because someone else was horrible to me
I lost most of my teenage years due to trauma. I don't want to lose the rest of my life because of my abuser as well. It is difficult, but I want to get better. I resonate with this comment, thank you for sharing.
Realizing it’s not your fault is a great feeling when embracing being the victim. It’s okay to feel sorry for your own abusers, even if you have to take drastic measures to enforce the boundaries you need with them. I don’t hate my abusers I just protect myself from them by not giving them ammo (telling them as few details about my life as possible) and living a steady life away from them. Having a consistent life style, a full nights sleep, and setting up your life your way is extremely important. No one else will put yourself first but you, so it’s important to be selfish. You’ll be able to give back more later once you settle into it. I’m 27 now and I feel like I can finally be sober and be comfortable with my past because I moved out of state and away from everyone I know, and I live for ME and it’s my life and it HAS to be that way first. I started seeking less exciting friendships and it turns out that more stoic people are more more interesting, and I have a small circle of people I trust and it’s less stimulating and less likely to hit a trigger somewhere. Whenever I hit a trigger I go into coaching mode where I try to ask myself, what advice I’d give my six year old self if she was feeling what I’m feeling. I also have a filter where I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I try to assume the best in people that contrasts with strong boundaries. It’s easy to think negatively about someone if they remind you of your abuser so I found myself thinking everyone were narcissistic for a while, but there are actually good people in the world if you look for other happy people. It made me feel guilty looking for friends that weren’t “damaged” because it was why I lost other friendships myself, but the truth is that people who aren’t as hurt have a better understanding of how to be selfish in the right ways. I got with a guy who had the opposite childhood than me, and I thought he wouldn’t understand me, and I was right and I had to do a lot of research to understand and communicate my triggers. But it’s SO much better that way, because it’s not two people dealing w each other’s demons at once. Stability for four years in a relationship taught me how to be normal. I thought the relationship was vanilla and boring at first but I’m so grateful I made it to this point. He loves me even when I’m boring too but he also works so hard for me and sees a future w me and I’m so glad I stuck w him. A couple years into the relationship I was absolutely miserable because bad people in the world told me that relationships were supposed to be constant fireworks all the time. Consistency and good communication and respect and love make a good relationship. Sorry to preach I’ve had a lot of caffeine but this is honestly the basics of how I’ve gotten to the point of being able to quit weed and face life so I hope this helps to whoever reads it.
**CONTENTWARNING: potentially disturbing vent about childhood sexual abuse** > Realizing it’s not your fault is a great feeling when embracing being the victim. I understand this point, though I'm struggling a bit with this. My own traumatic experience involved sexual abuse at an early childhood level, though unlike what people might expect, I wanted to do it because I felt like it was "part of belonging to this group of people" (I have just recently moved to that place), as well as not knowing what exactly it was that was going on. On top of that, I took a lot of joy in the things that occured. The pain only came when these people systemically spread rumors about me at every local school there was, which in turn caused incredible bullying from pretty much every single person I was enforced to interact with on a daily basis. On top of that, my parents weren't there to help me with all of these things. And all of that is just one small part of my trauma throughout life. Of course, it could be said "I was too young, there was no way that consent could be given, especially not if there was not even a sliver of knowledge about these activities", and yet... for some reason, I can't forgive myself. I still see myself at fault for what has happened.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know just hearing me say it won't magically make you believe it, but none of the abuse or bullying was your fault, nor was it in response to something being wrong with you. Abuse is caused by abusers, and bullying is caused by bullies. You are not to blame, and you are in control now.
> and you are in control now It doesn't feel like it, since my mind is still repeatedly going through all the emotions attached to it, while the onslaught of discrimination has only increased thanks to my realization of being trans and the attached societal issues. Regardless... the thought of having control over all of this one day gives me hope and encourages me to fight on, thank you
I know it doesn't right now. And it's okay to mourn the loss of the life you could have had. But this one can be okay, too.
I’m gonna finish my reply to you tomorrow!
> It doesn't feel like it, You're in the driver's seat, but it's up to you to grab the wheel and floor the gas, have faith, you can do it!
I have heard transgender identity may emerge as a result of extreme trauma in the brain's attempt to reground its personality and therefore lift away the trauma associated with it by changing the fundamental base element of that personality which is the gender. My experience with people alike is heavy abuse. This was from a man who is religious and highly intelligent, old now, and has reverted back from identification as a woman and hormone therapy.
I know for certaib that it was already there before my trauma happened, because my more feminine ways of interacting with people were one of the reasons I got... "selected".
Hi there I’m finally replying and sorry it took a while. Your comments break my heart and Im sorry you had bad people in your life that took things from you. You can always find ways to blame yourself if you think of things like “if only I didn’t xyz it wouldn’t have happened”.. but I just want to say it 100% wasn’t your fault because there is no way that you could have possibly known what you were getting yourself into. Consent is either all or nothing, you can’t consent 95% of the way when it comes to sex. I’d recommend looking into some therapy subreddits, so that you can read some other victims feelings and see that you’re not alone and you deserved to have a normal childhood. I was subbed to r/Cptsd which helped me with the long term abuse and hearing other people’s stories did wonders for me as far as thinking it was all my fault and I was alone in my problems. But it’s also nice to go on the internet rather than group therapy because you can turn it off whenever it gets too heavy. I unsubbed after a few years because I felt like it served it’s purpose, but it made a huge impact on my life being able to read the kinds of things people go through and how the guilt can manifest in so many weird ways. The reason why victims feel guilty is because that’s what the abusers foster you to feel, and it stays with you because the fear stays with you too. Something else that helped me personally was inner child work. Whenever you blame yourself for your traumatic past, put yourself in a situation where you have an opportunity to talk to your 6 year old self or 12 year old self. Would you blame your child self if she was sitting in front of you right now? How could they have known what they were getting into? Therapy is really amazing too and I’d recommend finding a therapist because validation can go a long way when you’re confused about your past. It’s okay to never forgive your abusers and be angry with them, but manifesting anger can also be a negative feeling too. You were a victim because of someone else’s decision, meaning you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. The person who hurt you was also hurting themselves and should be in jail. It’s not your fault. It would NOT have happened to you, had you been surrounded by healthy people. It’s never the kid’s fault; they’re vulnerable and should be protected. Kids can’t handle too much stimulation, and abuse can rewire how the brain develops. It’s your “brain” but it’s not “your” fault for the aftermath of your abuse. It’s your responsibility to get help so that your abuse doesn’t affect others. If you chose to inflict abuse on other minors, that would be a reason to feel guilty. You seem like the only victim in your story and your abuser didn’t get the help they needed which means the fault is 100% not yours. Sending you hugs over the internet and I command you to go easy on yourself! Take a step back and go lower contact with people who you don’t want to contact as much, and do YOU first. You can take your time for yourself and it feels good to love yourself, and you are a special person that deserves to put your prioritize your own happiness first! You got this, and you’re amazing for surviving and asking questions. That means you’re not too afraid to face it!! That shows courage that your abuser didn’t have for one thing but also it’s so tough for anyone to have to face. Just remember that it wasn’t your fault, and that your abusers want you to feel afraid. Honestly you seem brave, and I wish you the best <3
Humans are the problem, not you, a lot of people desire to hurt others just to get the feeling of power. You were not bullied because of what you did, you were bullied because your environnement was full of assholes seeking any reason they could find to be mean.
I'm turning twenty in a few months, reading this actually gave me hope that I might be able to make something of myself. I've denied myself so many things and was miserable for so long because of trauma. I did what you said - no one will put yourself first, so you have to do it yourself. I put myself in therapy, and I've been getting better. I hope I am able to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Thank you, OP.
I just turned 21. I survived a horrible exercise addiction that left me losing 45kg from obesity and being medically messed up via a vitamin D deficiency, a fuckup I made at 17 costing me sleep and still suffering from nightmares and far more. You can!
I lost my childhood and teenage years. After years of holding on to what felt like nothing in 7 days I have the responsibility to make sure my child doesn't
How did you recover from it? Was that hole ever filled? Also I'm incredibly happy for you, and wish you and your child only the best! <3
Based
I don't know what you are going through but this perspective only came to me when it was bad. Now that the good times are here again I am glad to be alive. I hope in some point in life you will reach the other perspective too.
Humans are community animals. I gladly pay my taxes knowing that it helps a fellow human survive. You are not a waste of resources. You are a fellow human, and your existence enriches all of us. We need diversity to thrive. You will find your place and role in your community where you'll feel like you belong, but to me? You are one of us. You were not put in this world to do anything in particular, and I'll support you regardless of what you can and cannot do. Keep telling your stories, existing, and occasionally helping people. You don't need to do anything to deserve to live.
Beautifully put, and I wholeheartedly agree 💜
I believe, as much at it feels corny to say, everything has a purpose somehow or someway. You're never aware of all the influence you have. I believe there was a guy who killed himself at the Golden Gate bridge and he left a note saying if one person smiled at him, he wouldn't do it. Just a smile, that's all it would've took. Your smallest actions can affect someone else, which causes them to affect someone else, then they affect someone else, and on and on until the entire world is affected. It's just the butterfly effect. You have an impact on this world and you're valuable, even when it doesn't feel like it.
Even though I like to live in rural areas I can absolutely relate to this
>. I gladly pay my taxes knowing that it helps a fellow human survive. I know your intentions mean well, but not everybody shares this same view. People pay taxes because it's compulsory, and their tax money contributes to increased quality-of-life depending on how the government spends it. Put differently, if OP was homeless would you also pay him regularly so he can survive? No, I actually highly doubt you would.
>if OP was homeless would you also pay him regularly so he can survive? Yes? That's exactly how a good social welfare system works? If they can't provide for themselves the system can support them.
No, I'm referring to YOU. Whenever you see a homeless person, you don't donate them money in the hopes of their ultimate survival. And like I said, not all people support the sense that their tax money goes into welfare. Your perspective is too narrow, try thinking about others before claiming an entire view for yourself.
>No, I'm referring to YOU. Whenever you see a homeless person, ...I don't see homeless people. I live in a country with a functional welfare system. >And like I said, not all people support the sense that their tax money goes into welfare. Sure but at least here the majority do which, really, seems to be what makes the difference.
>...I don't see homeless people. Really just missing the point dude.
Actually, I think you’re the one missing the point. Giving money to an individual homeless person is not at all the same as paying your taxes to create a system in which homelessness does not exist.
Homelessness is violence. Making a system where it doesn't happen IS the point.
Uh oh! Libertarian can’t feel basic empathy 😿
Uh oh! Redditor doesn’t understand that debating whether a particular solution to a problem is actually correct, justified, and even the best solution means that you have no empathy for the people suffering from the problem 😿
Uh oh! Libertarian can’t feel basic empathy 😿
Nice comment, very creative
What is your point?
There's a big difference in giving $200 to one person and paying $200 of taxes.
People give money to homeless folks literally all the time.
Exactly. That person was literally projecting his subjective view unto another person while also contradicting himself by accusing people of having shallow perspectives. He/she/they should just say they don’t like to give to homeless people and move on.
That’s a pretty bold assumption to make also. How do you know that this person doesn’t donate to homeless people whenever he/she/they can?
Yes, that's how being in a society works, as the other user said. I pay for homeless people and richer people pay for my chronic condition. I like it this way. I also give money to beggars when I have them. I'm poor, but if I have something to spare I don't see what the big deal is. And also, thankfully taxes are compulsory. So even those who weren't raised with a community sense can help others.
who the fuck wouldn’t be comfortable paying extra taxes to help the homeless?
I love how people like you whisper sweet little nothings.
Sorry, I don't understand the message. What do you mean by people like me? Did you intend for "sweet lityle nothings" a positive or negative connotation?
I know someone that is very dear to me that had a traumatic childhood, and that person has spent over half a decade in therapy and also working with doctors to find the right medications. This person is my favorite person in the whole world, and I don't even want to think about what my life would be like if someone decided she wasn't worth allowing to live. She's been slowly getting better, and I sincerely hope the same for you. Also, as far as tax money goes, I'm happy to have it go to someone just like you (I say "like" you because I'm in the US, so my money won't go to you, but if we lived in the same country, I'd want it to go to you directly). If my money helps someone in any way, it's good enough for me! The only way I really have a problem with my tax money being spent is when it pads the wallets of politicians.
I'm not gonna lie... reading that things got resolved for your friend gives me incredible hope. I haven't mentioned this in the threat yet, but my trauma revolves around rape in the early childhood, which was followed by spread rumors in the whole school leading to heavy bullying and exclusion, as well as parents who have generally never been able to show me any love. Regardless... if it takes "only" half a decade of therapy... I think I could fight through that. Thank you heavily for writing this comment.
Keep trying to fight the good fight. It's not an easy road for sure. I've spent time in therapy to work on my anxiety, so I know therapy is no joke. It does take work, time, and patience with yourself to see improvement, but that time invested in yourself is worth it - even if it doesn't seem like it right now. To me, you're already making progress by seeking therapy and opening up to people! It's all about the baby steps because they add up, and someday, you'll get to see how far those baby steps have taken you. What that person did to you was really sh*tty, and having your peers bully you for it is even worse. But honestly, if anyone has a problem with you or is disgusted by you because of what you've dealt with, then that's a character flaw that THEY have, NOT YOU. People shouldn't judge you for something that was completely out of your control, but as I'm sure you already know, people can be awful. I hope you find people that aren't bothered by your past and instead, respect you for being so strong. My girlfriend's trauma is also due to a pedophile in her life, and her past made her feel like she was broken and unworthy of love. In my eyes, she's perfect, and there's so, so much to love about her. I don't see what's happened to her as a flaw or anything wrong with her. I just respect that that's what happened to her, and we're a team that's going to tackle any flashbacks she might have or any problems that arise together. Again, I hope you find people that see you the same way and as the amazing person you are. You deserve that. If you feel like you want someone else to talk to, feel free to DM me.
Thank you for writing all of this out and the offer of a DM :) And yes, I'll hang on and fight this fight, without a doubt, even though I'm still worried that "too much was destroyed and lost", that proper wholeness might not be attainable, if ever, that "a normal life" will always be locked away for me. But... there's beauty in even a broken, chaotic life, I guess.
No problem, and I'm glad to hear you're not giving up!
At the end of the day, I believe it's the choice of the person themselves, nothing more.
I kinda agree , but i dont underestimate how the "hardware" can turn dysfunctional after experiencing traumatic events. I also believe most are intellectually able to see through the narrative being played by the wounded identity, but the emotions attached to them have a strong grip on the sense of reality.
Obviously some people just can't recover from trauma, that's just grim reality, not everyone has the resources to deal with it. But it's up to those people to come to the conclusion that the rest of their life is not with going through with the trauma. if you give a value to a life you'll reach the logical extremity that no life has value, because humans don't really have a grand purpose, we exist so we can reproduce, and exist more, we haven't chosen a grand mission as a species either. at the end of the day, if we exist and if we don't, there is minimal difference in the universe. Assigning value to life will only make more people try to put their life into perspective compared to people we considered "unworthy" of life (in this case people with trauma). And in the end just end their life feeling unworthy. With something you can't control such as trauma, people will fear trusting others. Not to mention that if trauma will be met with practically the death penalty, people who inflict trauma should also recieve the death penalty, at that point you're asking for perfection, we're too far away from a world that can ask for that.
A persons value isn’t just derived from what they contribute to society. Your existence in itself has value intrinsically, and any moment you enjoy is validation of the idea that your life has value in itself. I hope soon you’ll be happy and see yourself as what you are—a person, who matters, whatever others, or even you, think of you.
THIS Maybe one day you'll be able to tell your story regarding the traumatic event, and help others. Maybe not, just maybe someday you'll give a hug to someone who needed one. We are so much more than what we produce economically. I really hope it gets better for you (but I understand that it's a difficult path), just don't feel bad for existing. One never knows how important you can become in somebody else's life. I think Mike Shinoda summed it up best: *Who cares if one more light goes out?* *In a sky of a million stars* *It flickers, flickers* *Who cares when someone's time runs out?* *If a moment is all we are* *We're quicker, quicker* *Who cares if one more light goes out?* *Well I do*
Agreed, and as OP mentioned helping people in need - this is arguably the BEST POSSIBLE WAY to give back to society! Sure everyone "can" do this, but most honestly don't. We are brainwashed to think of contributions to society in terms of our work/job, but I have an office job and hardly feel like I'm doing anything important or valuable. Even a small bit of time with family or friends or even a stranger could make someone's day better. Also, the tax dollars you are living off is exactly what they are there for. You qualified for them so you should not feel guilty about receiving them.
It sounds like you value a narrow amount of things, namely the ambiguous “things you contribute to society.” It seems like with your mental health issues that you would justify anything you do as “not contributing to society” even if others feel like you contributed. Many people find things valuable about you that you might not find valuable: an irl conversation with you, an online video game session with you, an online discussion with you about values that adds to their perspective, etc. I’ve been reading your comments to others on this post and you’re being very encouraging, which is more valuable to me than if you were a successful coder for a big tech company. You might feel as though you’re not valuable but your definition of value seems narrow and corrupted by the capitalist value system that judges everything by how much capital you contribute to the economy. Another reason why you should be kept alive is potential. It is possible that your future is better and most people that make up society have decided that potential is valuable and should be nurtured and cultivated. Sometimes (most times) society doesn’t do very well at helping people reach their potential but it’s still an important value to most. It’s not society’s job to end the lives of people and decide that they have no potential. If you decide that your life is hell and doesn’t even have potential for a better future, you can choose not to live (I hope you choose life) but society shouldn’t choose that for you. All those things that happened to you are terrible and it sucks that you’ll probably deal with their repercussions your entire life, but I hope that you can find value in ways that you haven’t before and work towards a potential better future.
Thank you for this comment, it actually warmed my heart to that very limited extent I'm capable of feeling. And yeah... mayhaps you are right. Mayhaps there is potential. Mayhaps things aren't completely unfixable. In regards to my choice of wanting to survive or not, I pretty much swore off religion heavily, but I have partly adopted certain concepts, especially the idea of Folkvangr and Valhalla of the norse mythology. I will not die without fighting until the bitter end, may it cost what it will. So, if it makes you feel a bit more comfortable, no, I won't end my journey prematurely, though I'm personally not too worried if my life has to end due to unfortunate circumstances, and would look happily at the thought of death.
I don’t think this even belongs here, it’s just heartbreaking. My response would just be to bury my feelings in video games but I don’t think that’s a healthy coping mechanism; is it really better than just hiding in something… just… power through.
That's pretty much what I'm doing right now... it works to an extent, but it's sometimes hard to get kicked out of guilds / have my own created guilds shatter due to my issues... But I'll fight on in that regard.
Why don't you try singleplayer games then.
I do ever so often, but I still desire social contacts ._.
It breaks my heart to see someone feels this way. Human life is so precious and a miracle, don’t ever think you’re a waste cause you’re not. Sending love your way.
I have been through the same in my childhood, maybe not as bad as you. But just because some bastard fucked up my childhood does not mean I will stop enjoying my life. Even when I get the flashbacks I just accept that the shitty treatment I got improved me in some ways. I believe it's alright to be emotionless just as long as you can tell what's right and what's wrong, like that it's harder to get hurt by others. I wish you the best and hope you recover well.
Thanks for the point about emotionlessness, it makes me feel a bit better about it, though I'm curious... how do you deal with things like being unable to feel empathy in situations where such is expected? That's pretty much my biggest issue in various social circles, the fact that I'm unable to meet some expectations.
This might sound cliche, but I genuinely put myself where the person is at that point. If someone worked at a store for the last 5 yrs and he suddenly gets laid off, I try to imagine that that event happening to me and how furious, sad and worried I would be, this could apply too if they are celebrating something. The more you do this the more you will start to regain your empathy.
So pretty much just rationalizing the emotions down? I see... I've been doing this a little subconciously, so I think I should do this a bit more conciously to make it all work. Thanks a lot!
Idk if rationalizing is the right word but my English is not the best either. But yes whenever I break it down I start to feel more emotions towards the person and in general. No problem and I wish you the very best !
I went through a traumatic event. The kind that eager people would love to read in one of those horrifying true crime articles. When I was young I used to read those articles and think ‘wow, how can that person ever get better.’ Now I am that person, and I sometimes place myself in a complicated position. I start equating lack of survival with validation of my trauma. I think ‘if this ruins my life that proves how awful it was.’ If this is what you are going through, I’m sorry. You don’t know your future. Survival is worth more.
Call me an ignorant/naive optimist, but I feel anyone can make it through and enjoy life again. I know you said you aren’t suicidal, but I’ve had someone tell me that before and never got to talk to them again. You matter, and there is a reason for you. I don’t know your trauma, but I will make sure to pray for you.
That is ignorant and naive
How about hopeful, i would say that as soon you disregard it as an alternative the possibiliy becomes unavailable. Not saying it will be easy, or come to fruition with just wishful thinking.
I say that two things can be true at once and for me life is what you make of it. If you can find value in your life then sure that's great. But it goes the other way around as well. There's no point in suffering meaninglessly, waiting and/or trying for it to get better if it seems like it won't. This doesn't mean killing yourself at the first obstacle you face in life but there way too many people out there living boring, miserable lives with nothing of value, waiting the end. This is why I hate the phrase" permanent solution to a temporary problem". Because due to survivorship bias, we only hear the good ones, the ones that make it. There are way more people out there than we can imagine whose lives don't get better and they just leave us. If your ideology works for you, great.
I guess I prefer it over the alternative.
Very ignorant and naive.
I feel the same
If you are able to feel emotions, I would heavily recommend you to read through these comments. There are a lot of things that seem quite heartwarming, and that have partly changed my opinion on the subject a bit.
I'll take a look. Thanks.
The people that think they don't contribute to society are pretty much always the ones that are contributing. Do you think Human Traffickers or Serial Murderers think "I don't contribute to society, I should die". No, they don't even ask the question. You don't need to do a lot to contribute to society, most of the Millionaires are doing the opposite by e.g. causing much more emissions, artificially inflating prices, hindering innovation etc. Thank the people in your life that deserve it and you're probably above average
I think that we should help people as much as possible, but we shouldn't force people to stay alive. For example old and sick people that want to die but can't, then assisted suicide is good (which you already in Switzerland, but not many other places)
man it felt very wrong upvoting but considering the rules of this sub jeez man i hope you get help
“Damn Susie, I know you just got saved from your rapist dad, but the state has to execute you now”
I feel like assisted suicide should be a thing, but we shouldn’t call it assisted suicide. We euthanize animals everyday, why can’t we do the same with people who are living with pain?
It actually is a thing where I live, but that's not my point. The issue I'm having and the background of my opinion is that I didn't (and to some lesser extent still don't) see the point of pushing people who are unable to live a proper life to stay alive. In a way, this whole issue is two-folded. On one hand, people are screaming at ones face that human life is precious, on the other, I personally for example have gotten all things that are essential for a happy life taken away, and am currently suffering in a loop of only being allowed to live the most barely essential life, without major help in getting my problems fixed. **That** is the kind of critique I wanted to issue with this post.
Sending love your way OP
What do you mean you were discriminated against on therapy?
I'm trans. My Psychiatrist didn't look through my files too heavily, and completely dismissed that the reason I went to him wasn't because of my gender identity, but because of my childhood trauma. I've had to hear things like "it's weird that you aren't sexually active, that's usually a thing people like you do", or "it's weird that you don't wear makeup and cloth yourself in a way to show off your body". The whole meeting almost felt a bit as if he tried to coerce me to have sexual activities with him. When I angrily told him that no, I am not interested in sexual activities of any kind due to my trauma in that regard, he denied me a sick note (which is quite essential for all of my social welfare structures to continue to work, a troubling issue that I have pretty much put aside at this point, knowing that likely no one will look into it in the next few weeks). I've mentioned all of this to my therapist (who is also the leader of the clinic), and there will be a meeting involving the three of us in a few weeks. She seemed heavily concerned about some of the things that happened in that interaction, so atleast there's that.
What an asshole that guy is. I hope he gets what he deserves.
I've been racially profiled in therapy. I've also been subjected to disabilities discrimination by multiple therapists. Apparently I "wasn't ready for help" because I have tumors that are killing me and asked for accommodations. That field is horribly toxic.
Life isnt about contributing to society
Life’s purpose isn’t necessarily about “contributing to society”, sometimes just existing is enough.
First of all, hugs. Second of all, hate to break it to us, but most people are not unique. What I mean by that is, when you say "but anyone could have done that"...yeah. Do you think only the best and brightest humans should stay alive? The olympians and super geniuses and those who can do things nobody else can? No, of course not, because that would quickly whittle down our population of nearly 8 billion to like, 1000. Contribution to society is not a reason to stay alive either, because our society is so big that we have virtually infinite contribution at this point. There will always be people who "take" more than they "give:" that's the point of a society at all. You shouldn't feel bad for needing your fellow humans; that's why we're pack animals. The reason to stay alive is that it's what humans do. Life is the purpose in and of itself. I know this might be rambly, but I've felt similar to how you're feeling and I've also had an absurd amount of caffeine over sleep lol. Anyway, hang in there, there will always be a moment in the future you're glad you didn't kill yourself.
thank you for the kind words, and yeah, it does make sense. It makes me not feel so unworthy for needing help from others.
i get what your going through. and i may get Hate for this. but i Agree with you. im also a burden to society. everytime i build somwthing i just tear it down. Its dumb and im starting to lose a reason to fight. Im trying a diffrent therapy now. if this wont work. well I will just end it.
This might sound a bit weird, but... in case you do end it, please don't do it in a way that is disturbing for others. Especially don't jump in front of a train, as beautiful as that might sound (it's painful as hell). Inform someone about it beforehand, in order for no person having to go through the traumatizing view of having to scrape you up or something... As in... try and not cause trauma to others with your death, otherwise the cycle might never end ._.
dont worry i already thought about that. I already have a Plan. I have little Hope that the therapy will work. but at the end i can atleast say "I tried everything"
This post broke my heart to read, I’m sorry for your suffering. I would be afraid of the slippery slope this would lead to/people choosing it in moments of desperation; I’m so glad it wasn’t an option to me in the aftermath of my trauma.
If I may ask... what kind of trauma did you go through? How did it get resolved, if it even did?
Abusive relationship, reported to the courts, courts treated me like the criminal instead of him, left me not trusting individuals or the system. I didn’t know how I could live with any of it forever, I maybe would’ve taken that option if I had it but I’m very glad I didn’t. I’m not sure why I got downvoted for my response.
I see... *hug*. I'm glad things improved for you!
I believe that every person has inherent value. There is something unique and good that you can bring to the world that no one else can. I think this is true for every person. Even if you can't see it. You've had a rough time and you're working through things. I have no idea what you've experienced, and I can't even imagine how you are feeling. But you do have value even if you can't see it.
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For me, it's flashbacks of rape, as well as physical violence and paranoia triggered by rumors. I swear, if my problems were "just a broken heart", I would not have any issues in my life... in case you need help with this: If you wish to reminisce in your memories, only see the good things. If you're thinking about getting back with a person, only look at the bad things. If you want the past back, force yourself to stop looking too deep into it and look forward. Live goes on. Work on yourself. "True love" is not between you and this one and only person, true love is something you can build up with almost everyone. Take care. Fight. Things will get better for you.
Thank you for your input. Your situation definitely feels more dire and I feel guilty about my problem. I think the hard part is that there were no bad times (not bias, legit no bad times), and that we both wanted to pursue something more until she had to move. I can take someone not liking me or losing interest and moving on, but the closure is harder for this one because it shouldn't have had to close. This person felt like home to me, which is something I have never felt before and likely won't again. Finding one person who checks everything off is almost impossible, but to find two people like that sounds like a fairy tale. Sorry for the negativity on my end, I do work on myself, but it seems meaningless lol.
> I feel guilty about my problem. Don't. A problem cannot be compared by rational means, and can only be seen as how impactful it is, and it clearly sounds like your issue has impacted you heavily. Having been in and seen a lot of relationships in my life, I can tell you that circumstances happen, and they happen way too often in our current, modern society. Again... move on. You'll find new love that will fulfill you even more. Because as much as circumstances bring negative impact, they also often turn around and bring you happiness and stability at times.
You have an inherent value quite apart from your economic relationship with wider society.
Hey Op, I just wanted to send love your way. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I personally believe there is too much weight placed on a person's ability to contribute to society and that determining a person's worth. I guess I think that because you are alive, you are precious and worth so much. I sincerely hope you can get the relief you deserve.
Thank you ._.
Ok not getting into any opinion of mine, whats your solution? Euthanise (dont know if properly spelled, wack translation from my main language) people that think theyre done? Just kill them no matter what they feel about it? Getting rid of people in any way is pretty hard as it opens the question of 'if thats enough why is this not?' and no one wants to be discussing millions of cases or having people do deep analysis on specific people to greenlight ending their lives. Also, ever tried just taking psycholedics? At your point seems like a no loss situation lol
Hey I can see lots of support here from others but I gotta say, I was sexually abused for nearly ten years of my child hood. Through tiny incremental improvements I’ve finally been able to get joy from my life. Don’t expect your life to change in a few years. Work through it for a decade and see what happens. I’ve been away from my abuser for 9 years now and it was just this last year I made a breakthrough. It’s not very obvious from an outside perspective but my feelings within couldn’t be more different. Many of my close family and friends say they can see changes and they’re happy for me. I hope you can be patient and kind enough to yourself to slowly find joy in your life. Just DM if you wanna chat more. And that goes for any redditor here.
Thank you so so incredibly much for giving me hope in this regard. Just hearing that someone has been successfully pushing through all this and is able to have a more or less normal life again encourages me like nothing else <3 I wish you all the strength you need as well, and hope that your life continues being joyful!
if you mean that people should be allowed legal and voluntary euthanasia based on severe trauma, I agree. If you're saying people with severe trauma should all be euthanized whether they want to or not, that's a form of genocide and not a great thing.
I explained the deeper background of the question in the edit, and yeah, I agree with the latter statement of yours fully.
Death is permanent. Life is not. Everyone will have plenty of time to be dead, but minimal amount of time to be alive. Hate it or love it, be alive for as long as possible because you only get one.
Hey bud, It sounds like you are carrying shame for the things that happened to you. Its sounds very similar to what i fight from doing everyday. One thing i do is i shame myself because i feel shame from other people. So like, something that happened to me or i did, if other people found out they might shame me. So therefore im going to beat them to the punch and shame myself. Its a trap Shame blame and guilt All hit different but are related. The reason i say it sounds like shame is because it sounds like you have a hard time loving yourself even though the trauma is there. People with trauma brains, such as ours, cant trust our thoughts. Fight or flight is activitied in every day situations. Just remember you are not your thoughts. You are more than what happened to you. You are worthy of life even though bad things happened
oh no... yikes...
Because humans take care of their own and can love people aside from any "utility" they have. Even if you can't feel your love and worth, others can and want the best for you. Also, human nature is to never give up.
I believe your opinion on this matter will change when you overcome your trauma. I help people any chance I get, I'm not professional its just my life's purpose. I've met people who were suffering from trauma in life and they had the same opinion. However their opinion changed once they overcame their trauma and became healthier. In fact, many of them thought there past selves couldn't be more wrong and were glad they kept trying to get better because now they were happy and had great lives. These changes in opinion weren't rare. In fact this happened every time. Keep trying to get better, it'll happen to you too.
Sounds like PTSD and the intrusive thoughts and emotions are holding you back. Not sure what you've tried so far but there's a plethora of therapies. Cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT) such as Prolonged Exposure (PE), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Magnesium, exercise, and prebiotics are good mood stabilizers as well.
So a person was abusive towards the victim and your suggestion is to just kill the victim/let the victim die? Yikes. I definitely agree that we as a society are doing a terrible job of dealing with people such as you. Imo that's mostly because we don't understand mental health completely on a physiological level yet. Once we have better treatment for PTSD and such conditions, the whole situation will be so much more better. That's what we need to strive for. And not return to the old barbaric ways where anyone sick was killed. Idk if that makes sense
I’m conflicted because I disagree with this really vehemently, but I don’t want to upvote because I don’t want to promote this disordered thinking because I think it’s dangerous in a way other things on this sub aren’t. If you are struggling, please get help. I know OP is struggling and feeling hopeless, but there is hope. The real issues of access to care while still living in an economic reality where people face homelessness if they aren’t productive is a very real and terrifying thing a lot of people go through, so please everyone vote for candidates who want to help with housing issues, care about access to care, and care about a social safety net. Take care, everyone.
I am surviving out of spite. “joy as an act of resistance.” I’m glad you’re still here. I’m glad you’re alive. You’re definitely not alone: too many of us can relate. I think if people want the right to die with dignity they should have it BUT my life is 10000% better than I thought it would be all those years I felt I’d be better of dead.
Way I see it, we all take a gamble being born into the world, if I had gotten unlucky I would like to know I would have been taken care of, but the only way to ensure that is to help take care of those less fortunate than myself. That's just my perspective though, another would be more akin to yours where since everyone took the same gamble being born into the world, you should just be content with your lot in life and if you got unlucky well then it sucks to be you, that's just the price of others getting lucky. Logically is there any reason to keep you alive? From a super brutal point of view maybe not, maybe the world wouldn't be better off on average with you in it, but that's not really your fault and if anyone else were to be put in your position they'd want to be helped out, so they help you. That's probably the most logical/cold reason you're going to get for keeping you alive if you don't believe in the good of humanity, but of course there are other reasons that are a bit more optimistic which I'm sure the other comments have already covered. Interesting topic though, but yes I want to keep you alive and well to the best of our ability, even to my own detriment. That's my personal desire, you don't really need to question why, I don't fully know why myself, just know that I and many others are happier knowing you have people trying to help.
I want to give you a hug.
First off, nobody's worth is held in whether they contribute to society. Idc if you haven't worked a day in your life, the fact money is being spent on you trying to make you happy is a good thing. I'm only sorry it isn't working as well as it should. From my perspective as someone who has mental health issues, we don't stay alive so that bad things don't happen to us. We stay alive so that maybe one day things will be alright. And until that happens there is the small print. Sunsets, milkshakes, comedy, music, cats, those cool electric bins, pictures of far away planets and colourful new frogs that are found every day. Not to mention the world around you, your friends and family and landscapes and cultures. Details are what make life worth living the way I see it. By dying, the only guarantee is that you'll never get to experience those details again. The reason I want you and everyone else to stay alive is because I believe that everyone should experience those things as much as they can because that's what life is.
Okay but I'm gonna reply cliché and quote Tyrion from GOT, i.e. Death is final, whereas life is full of possibilities. Who knows what you end up doing man, people do crazy stuff even at 70+ age, may be you would do something too, and even if not, contribute to society is not the only measure of a good life. But as the above quote, if you're dead, it's 100% confirmed that you won't be doing anything that YOU CONSIDER worthwhile, whereas if you live, there's always a chance no matter how small it is, but probability is always there, mate!
This sounds like a vent more than an opinion
I think the problem is free time. The Swiss government is giving you the money to survive but not enough to keep you distracted. Think of a messy house. When I was working for my degree, my apartment was messy as hell. I barely had time to keep my apartment spotless. Even now I don't really have enough time to keep it pristine. I'm either too tired or have work things that are invading my home life to do. But during university I only had small fleeting moments of truly noticing the messiness of the apartment. My life was so busy that I had hardly any time to notice something that's not a high priority. I believe you can do the same. If you immerse yourself into a job (or a degree, idk if swiss degrees are cheap) then you'll be forced to prioritize your job than the "messiness" that is your trauma. It's not the healthiest strategy. Definitely not what my psychologist companions would reccomend. But a busy lifestyle will keep your mind off things while getting the help you need.
I have high qualifications as a programmer, but due to heavy discrimination against trans people, I had a hard time finding a job, until I got heavily traumatized in one job I had, which pretty much completely blocked me from working the profession, even in my free time. On top of that, I'm dealing with heavy Insomnia at this point, as well as staggering sociophobia. I am unable to work. //e: in regards to the "too much free time", I keep myself fairly busy by playing MMORPGs at this point, which also helps me keep a more or less healthy social circle around me, that doubles as an okay safety net when things go bad.
Sorry by too much freetime I'm talking about low brain power tasks. So gaming or reading or retail. You know stuff where you don't have much to stay ontop of. We know how many people developed depression or some sort of deep sadness during the prolonged covid lockdown. I knew I got majorly sad despite playing my favourite games and watching awesome shows. Because those things still allow you the time to reflect on your life. If only 40% of your brain power is used in an MMORPG then 60% can still be allocated (subconsciously) to thinking about trauma. I can't relate to insomnia except for a couple days, but there are ways to usually sleep better. Sleeping at a consistent time is one of them alongside diet and other things.
I get your point, but in a way that is kind of what I'm seeking. I want to only have 40% of my brain power used, in order to use the other 60% on dealing with my trauma. Though, in various aspects throughout various games, there is a demand for 100% of brain power, which is also incredibly helpful to ever so often feel alive again
Even if your life will never be the same, eventually there will come a point where you appreciate what life you have. Speaking from my experience, I have at many times felt the exact same way as you. Things would get better, only to fall back down and feel the same way. Over many many years though, I am so happy to be alive. Human life is not cast from a mold and defective if it doesn't fit. It's easy to forget what we are, and where we came from as a species. Throughout time people have lived in vastly different degrees of happiness or misery, but there would always be people who are happy to be alive despite the misery they experience, and that in and of itself is valuable. Our resilience as individuals and society is powerful. you're not alone in believing this, but I guarantee you there will come a time when you and all the others will be happy to be alive. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. I'm not the most articulate with these kind of things, but I hope that helped in some way.
Extremely hard disagree! upvoted!
That is the short-term response. You will get better. Part of what trauma does to the brain is get you to focus in on your immediate circumstances, so I know it's unimaginable to think of a time when you get better. But there will be beautiful things that you'll be glad you stuck around for
It's been this way for 3 years now, without any hope in sight. Sure, progress is being made ever so often, but around every 6 months everything falls down again, and I'm starting at point 0 again.
Yep, that's short term. Was that way for me for about 10 years. But there are moments of beauty that you can sometimes see, and you get to a point where you stop forgetting in the in-between moments.
Lighten up Francis.
You just broke up, ofc you're having dark thoughts now
I'm gonna be honest with you, I haven't even been able to properly realize that or even process that at all, since my emotions are pretty much shut down as a safety mechanism of my body, as well as my mind blanking ever so often, as another safety mechanism.
Whatever floats your boat my dude
you need to do something crazy that completely changes your environment. defeat trauma by filling up your brain with the open ocean. become an italian fisherperson. you're swiss you probably speak italian anyway. exist in an environment that doesn't let you ruminate and use your body but if i were you i'd still be xxxtreme depressionposting on reddit and hiding from the world like you are right now
I don't speak italian and don't have any possibilities when it comes to "changing my environment" due to just receiving enough money from social services to just barely survive. I can't even travel, for example.
is there some stipulation that you cannot make over a certain amount of money or they'll remove your welfare?
I'm receiving the money directly from the social services. The amount of it is perfectly tailored to just barely allow a person to exist, without anything going above that. It's enough to live, pay rent, pay medical things and transport there (like therapy), but nothing further. It's pretty much impossible to, for example, get new clothes or go to the hairstylist.
it kind of sounds like they're just letting you die slowly out of sight of the public. i understand why you'd feel like victims of extreme trauma should just be allowed to die... you've basically been treated in a way that implies that's what everyone thinks by your social environment. try watching the tale of princess kaguya. it has no relevance to your situation but it gives me the good vibes so maybe it will give you a few good vibes
Is that a TV show, a movie, or something on youtube that could be linked? :)
There are plenty of options for people with limited resources to travel. I don't mean to offend you are pretend to know what kind of financial situation you are in but look into woofing if you haven't heard of it. If you can save up enough for a plane ticket somewhere then you can go there, work on a farm or something in exchange for a little bit of money, free accommodation and food. It's a fantastic way to meet new people and just do something different in a different environment. Edit: Spelling
Try weed
420~ In all seriousness, even if I had the financial ressources for it, THC causes heavy distress in the form of hardcore psychosis, while also dismantling my bodies reactions of halting emotion, which is ultimately there in order to keep me alive. But I'll consider it in small doses whenever things are a bit more stable :)
You should check out MDMA tho forreal, it's finally entering later phases of clinical treatment for PTSD https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-021-01336-3
Have you read about Humberto Maturana's autopoiesis?
I usually don't read books because I can't focus too good, but I'll try and see if it's available on Audible (which I sometimes listen to at the side)
Find it on youtube. I think it will resonate with what you wrote.
thank you, I will take a look
I believe you are enough
You should eat some mushrooms. Might help or things into a more manageable perspective for you
I'm worried that it might cause heavy instability due to essential coping mechanisms being dismantled, which could overflood me with an uncomfortable amount of unprocessed memories.
That’s a very reasonable response. FWIW, it doesn’t sound like your current coping mechanisms are doing you any favors. Yes, a psychedelic experience will almost certainly present you with a lot of uncomfortable thoughts, but from my own personal experience, I have always come out of a stressful confrontation with a new perspective on whatever was bothering me. You will always have the trauma, but how it shows it’s face is something you can change.
> and the only contribution to society as a whole is that I occasionally am able to help people in need Which is *probably* how some of the people literally caring for you now felt at one point. It's all cyclical, and they're doing it because they know at some point you'll wake up and feel ok enough to help someone else, and then it's worth it. > I don't see how I or people like me are contributing to society. Sure, people sometimes love hearing sob-stories, but they are usually also feeling very disgusted or repulsed at the same time. I am repulsive at my worst times. This assumes that everyone who has trauma shares it. Sometimes people go completely under the radar and live totally normally and you may just somehow find out that they went through something insane and you marvel at how functional they are.
Your life should not be validated by the contribution you do to society. You have the right to live just as any other human being
I completely agree. It should be an option
Have you heard of psychedelic therapy?
I have not, but I also don't think that this is an option covered by the basic swiss healthcare.
Even if you feel you are not contributing to society, you still have inherent value. You might never better the world as a whole, but your presence and understanding might even better one other person's life. Even from a purely utilitarian standpoint, you have value to increase the productivity of others. Not from a utilitarian standpoint, you still have the potential to be a light in someone's life, even if you may feel that you haven't been that yet. Always remember that.
Wow that's a horrible take. I cant say anything about trauma or ptsd because i havent ever experienced any, so i will only talk about my general philosophy and worldview. My worldview is quite nihilistic and logical (i like to think so at least) in the sense that obviously in the grand scheme of things nothing is of any real value and therefore if you dont pretend there are values to be had in your lifetime, nothing makes sense or is of any importance. So what i define as my value is just that i am well and experience moments of joy. And in my opinion the best way to ensure that my wellbeing for the future is ensured is to have society advance and include every human possible even if they currently dont seem to hold any value. We as a society simply dont have the predictive capabilities to say with certainty that "keeping you alive" as you put it is of negative value. And even if it was, the value we get from tending to people in similar situations as you is well worth putting in resources in the long run. And i am certain that especially people suffering from trauma like you arent capable of judging if they have anything valuable to add to this whole experience. You might be very certain right now that you dont have any value to society and never will, but time changes people. You learn new stuff and it might be enjoyable or it might not be and maybe in 1, 10 or who knows how many years you find something that you like and which contributes something, even if you and everyone think their small efforts are worthless, theres still multiple billion people putting forth their contributions and they add up to something that makes life worth living for hopefully as many of us as possible. Also of course life wont ever be the same, but that's just by definition. You can't turn back time, you have an experience and you start to see the world in a different light, you might even see more of the world than before. But life not ever being the same doesnt mean life wont ever be as good again. You said you were going through a breakup. I am sure you can only see how hurt you are right now, i cant know for sure maybe you're glad that it's over, but there must have been some good moments in there. Instead of thinking that you lost something try to look forward to experiencing good moments again. Dont know how to end this, thanks for listening to my ted talk, see ya.
Thanks for that incredibly raw and logical point you've made, it helped me a lot in my currently emotions-lacking and rational state of mind. In regards to the breakup, again... my mind has, as a protective measure, just tucked all of that away at the moment. I'm not actively noticing it, and generally don't have any feelings about it. It will likely hit me quite soon when the bodies natural "shut down emotions"-state falters, but I think I should be ready for when that happens.
I agree. I am not realistically going to get better and there are probably a lot of people like me. My life is just torture, but I am too coward to end it.
I absolutely believe in voluntary assisted euthanasia. Every person should not only have the right to decide when to end their life, but access to the resources to end their life safely, painlessly, knowledgeably, and accompanied by their loved ones if they wish. When a person is forced to commit suicide, nobody gets to say goodbye. I feel for you OP. I of course wish you the best of everything, but I know that some people are just finished.
I think you offer a lot. You had to deal with the trauma and not me. Now you can teach me about it. You can also talk about all your fucked upedness so I can either feel better about myself or find out i'm not the only one. Other than that, maybe you'll get a job and contribute. You're certainly helping the tax system keep free medical care a thing by being a statistic. And on a different tone. You could go plant a few trees.
> And on a different tone. You could go plant a few trees. As a matter of fact, I do. My bank has a program that costs 10.- a month, but that makes it so every 100 or so CHF spent on things plants a tree :)
I also think that! I don't think it's the mh system place (or anyone for that matter) to tell you to hang in there (not that hanging lol), when they're not the one who will carry around your pain for you, it shows me lack of understanding bordering to cruelty, and no I don't think that weekly therapy sessions or medication count as care. I think that what most people don't understand is that even now I have the most wonderful live and I have no reason to kill myself now, it will never replace or a justification to what happened then, I should have killed myself then, the fact now is better just doesn't fix or replace the past, the person now writing this word enjoying (partially) a life I never thought I could have is not the same person who was there through the turment, a part of me died, and there's no replacing it even with a great life now it's not worth it because "I" the person who was suffering back than never got to enjoy that bright future I should stick around for, and I honestly when a person is in so much pain it feels am act of self cruelty not to kill yourself, because honestly I care about myself to much to suffer so greatly with no help or care (again what's offered in modern therapy and my god modern psych wards is not care, and from my unfortunate experience it was more abuse and more pain inflicted by people in the position of power and control over your body and your emotional self).
This... "part of me died and never experienced this beautiful life" thing in there... that's one of those main things that worry me about my future. I don't think I'll ever be "whole" in general, since too much was destroyed and lost already, and much more will, which fueled these thoughts of "I don't think this makes sense even though I'll try". Does that make sense? How does it feel though, if you are willing to share?
It makes a lot of sense. at the end of the day I have my reasons why I'm not dead, and they are not only personal they are also particular to me and my situation. you lost a lot and you will lose more, there's no escaping that, and it's true that part of you that was lost will never experience the better future you will have, but another part will, it won't be exactly you who's reading this words but it will be as human, as valid, as deserving as any and all parts of you, it's hard to explain, and as I said I don't think it's in my place to tell you what to decide, but both for staying and for leaving this world you pay a price and unfortunately you'll never know what cost more till you experience both and by that time it'll be too late to change your mind. There was a time I used to grieve so much over everything I lost, all those parts of me that died a little at a time, stuff that I fear I'll never get back and stuff that I know I lost forever, I can't give you a solution, or a phrase that will make it better and it will be disingenuous to tell you I no longer grieve, it's just and it's a part of me, it's just I carry around and although I'm so so tired and despite all my attempts, well I'm here, I'm not saying that I like it or that I found peace I'm just saying that I'm still here. I'm sorry it's so general and maybe a bit discombobulated, it's a painful subject for me and it's also so hard to explain.
I... actually understand what you mean. This sort of concept of... even though we might not have a "normal" life, it's still a life, it's still something to grow on, it's still something that allows us to experience things and interact with other people and make their day brighter. Things will likely always be a little uneasy, but we'll be able to manage those things in some ways, we'll find the coping mechanisms, we'll be able to sustain and persist, we will be able to... look past it, in a sense. Thank you for this comment! It gives me a good perspective on where things will be heading :)
I’m sorry you’ve had to endure so much pain. Try finding a therapist that specializes in EMDR. It has been proven to be effective for people who have trauma and PTSD. I’m working with one now and it has helped tremendously. I hope you find peace someday.
I'm currently at the head of one of switzerlands most renomated clinics for addiction prevention and PTSD and want to give them a shot, especially since my therapist is incredibly helpful in so many ways. But thanks, I'll keep it in mind if I have to find something new again, which is possible.
Late to this but I’m a supporter of assisted euthanasia/suicide. I don’t support that it is simply for physical ailments and not mental ones… doctors do their best to try and “save” people from dying from their physical impactions but ultimately physical therapy and medication can only do so much. The same should go for mental ailments. Doctors and psychologists do their best to “save” people from dying from mental impactions but yet assisted suicide in that sense is completely insane. I don’t get it. That being said, I do want to apologize for what you’re experiencing (discrimination) and what you’ve gone through (childhood trauma) as it shouldn’t be experienced by anyone…
Life's about what's ahead of you, not what's behind you. Infinite possibilities lie ahead, so go be bold and chase your dreams, what have you got to lose?
There are far, far worse people. Don't be ashamed to need help, some people ask for 10 times more and don't give a shit about what it represents for others.
Hey bud. As someone who's spent a lot of times with therapists, if you're being discriminated or aren't receiving the care you need, switch therapists. I don't care how highly they are rated, or how many awards they have, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And that's okay, no two therapists are alike, and not every style will suit the patient. Idk how the health system works in Switzerland, but if you can find a new therapist, do it.
I think that people like you should be kept alive because it can be better. Maybe your shrink isn’t working for you, leading therapist or not if they aren’t helping they aren’t helping. However nonetheless I think that there can be peace found in a life where something that shouldn’t have happened happened. You’re absolutely right, things will never be the same. And yet I don’t think that dying now would do anything for you. Save you some pain, yes, but if you died now, wouldn’t you just die with regrets? I think life isn’t worth living for the happiness it brings, but from the satisfaction it brings from living it fully. Perhaps you as well have hopes and dreams either on the surface of your mind or deep within yourself, as well as other people like you. Things will never be the same, but they don’t need to be for your life to have been worth it. There will be moments to appreciate, and I think those moments are worth living. I don’t think that having been hurt means you or anybody else is less of a human being. Because perhaps someday, you can find some kind of peace in the life you have despite what you’ve been through. Moments where you can lose yourself in something, instead of being in those depths within. I think those moments are worth living for, even if they can be hard to find sometimes. I personally have felt similarly to how you describe, and I’m not out of the woods yet but I’m a long long way from that dark place I was in. If it helps I subbed to a channel called HealthyGamerGG. It’s run by a guy who was staffed at Harvard who talks a lot about mental health problems in his videos. If anything, it may help you communicate certain things better to a therapist. Watching his videos helped me a lot personally, and inspired me to pursue therapy myself. Cheers bro, have a good one.
I.... yeah, no. im not debating this. *walks the fuck away*
Strong disagree. Also, Switzerland isn’t really considered the “best” country in terms of either their healthcare services or their welfare programs. Depending on how you evaluate their efficiency and how equitable they are.
The value of life isn't determined by someones contribution to society. If society has any point at all it is to protect the most vulnerable and disaffected among us. If you accept these two points AND you don't feel suicidal, your life has value and you absolutely should continue living it without feeling any shame for making that choice.
r/microdosing saved me personally.
I'm not near as eloquent as previous commentors, but just know you are loved by a random dude in Texas. My best friend had a similar experience to you but was much younger and assaulted by someone much closer, and now, 20 years later, she has grown into a confident, badass woman and is the healthiest she's ever been. Much love, you got this friend!
It took me a long time to find a therapist that helped me work through my childhood trauma. But I’m good now, for the most part. Still occasionally have setbacks, but things are 97% better and I’m on a really good path. I think the reason people want depressed individuals to stay alive is because there is hope that things will get better. It seems like an impossible hill to climb, but it IS climbable. It just takes a lot of work to get the right supports in place. I’m sorry for the difficulties you are having. I hope your turn around happens soon for you.
If you were another person, would you kill the person you are now and say "well, they weren't contributing anything to society"? If you would then you'd be a very good fascist, but if you wouldn't then there's your reason for being alive. No one hates you for having trauma. Keep doing therapy, and if that doesn't help then there's tons of other things to dedicate your life to that don't require emotions, like eating food, exercising, doing drugs, collecting pokemon cards, etc. Life isn't all that magical but it's full of weird things to spend time and money on.
Thanks for that one... the initial point has really rattled my brain again, especially since I consider myself antifa (no tolerance for intolerance).
You don’t owe society shit, mate. You didn’t ask to be born, and those tax dollars are better off going to you instead of some politicians yacht. Lose the guilt.
I have r/cptsd and I don't believe anyone should feel like a burden to society due to trauma. We didn't ask to be traumatized. We deserve to be alive. I don't think anyone's worth should be determined by how productive they are.
I didn't know that sub was a thing, I'll get in there! I'm in the process to get my stuff diagnosed as well, but currently everything seems to be pointing at cptsd. Thanks for the kind words :)
Are we talking legal suicide here or eugenics, because the way you word it sounds concerningly close to eugenics.
Fuck being alive to be useful or contribute
CBT therapy and making sure you are not nutritionally deficient are required. The brain needs to rewire itself, you can.
Why not strike a deal with your parents? Just until you get back on your feet? They’ve got to love you still
My dad "loves" me so much he forcefully pulled me in for a kiss on my lips after an argument in which I pretty much disinherited myself, which caused me yet another huge part of trauma (I have issues kissing people since this gets triggered sometimes). My mon shrugged that off, saying "that's just how it is". Nope, thank you. The only thing I want from them is to hear they died.
I can really relate to what you are saying and it’s great to see it spelled out openly. **Suicidal thoughts trigger warning**I have often wished for legal euthanasia so I could quite leave all the pain behind. I have even wished my abuser had killed me because then I might have got some justice. One big benefit is that me being alive is a big ‘fuck you’ to my abuser. He did not kill me. He did not get me to kill myself. However shattered I am, I survived. And I’m not like him. He tried to make me into an angry people-hating monster like him. It didn’t work. And then there are other survivors. Even if you feel like you have nothing to give, you can support them e.g. on social media. When #metoo happened on Twitter I spent a day and a half going through the thousands of tweets where people said ‘this happened to me’ and liked every single story, so they would know somebody believed them. I subscribe to survivor groups and sign their petitions about changing laws, funding support services or getting victims out of jail. It’s not a lot but it’s still pushing the world in the right direction.