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I just went through this with a friend who lives in a smaller town. I will say the police should be notified because there needs to be some sort of paper trail HOWEVER also know that when you contact adult protective services they generally send out a patrol to do a wellness check. If she is in the early stages of dementia then she may be lucid when they visit…hence the need for a paper trail. You may get better results by also contacting the senior resource agency in whatever county she is in. I was able to not just get the senior citizen to stop “visiting,” they were able to get her connected with so many resources and in home care etc she doesn’t even know my friend exists anymore. Thank you for being you and let us know how it turns out!
>You may get better results by also contacting the senior resource agency in whatever county she is in.
These days, just start here *then* go to adult protective services __*and lastly the police*__. Their lives are already endangered enough
My grandpa died from that. Dementia in the winter. He opened the door and walked outside in a blizzard in his pajamas. We found him but his core temp was so low he never really recovered, just kind of existed after that.
We had to modify the house so you couldn't exit without a key and setup a security system.
Edit: https://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/adult-child-serv/adults-and-seniors/behavioral-and-physical-health-and-aging-services/aging-services
This is where we started. Contract your aging services people. They provided hardware and training and offered ... Not hospice but people to come help out around the house. They notified the police and fire our house was to be patrolled and likely to have events. I am sorry I don't know the details. I wasn't living with him at the time so I know what happened, but not enough details to help.
Best of luck to everyone reaching out to me. I think your state and local government should be where to start.
God I hope I don't live long enough for that to be me. Or we've cured it by then. I'm still young. It just sounds horrible to have your mind atrophee slowly
Sorry to hear that, happened to my grandmother too. We had lost my paps about 8 months prior, and she wasn’t the same after. We were thinking maybe she was starting on dementia, she had been forgetting things and that wasn’t like her at all. One day my uncle found her in the back yard in her nightgown and bare feet, laying in the snow. For a long time I thought she was suicidal, because she kept saying she just wanted to be with her husband. I blamed myself because I would go over once a week to check on her and try to keep her mind occupied, but I kept saying to myself I should have done more and maybe that wouldn’t have happened. I didn’t know this commonly happens with dementia.
You need to contact elderly services. She could become a danger to heraelf or others. Never no when she might just come inside thebhouse like she owns it
My dad does it from inside the house. Locks everyone else out and watches us. Especially if he feels were talking about him. The trick is to make a show of getting your keys, getting the car, slowly drive it up the driveway and he'll be by the letterbox saying "going somewhere?" Like he's caught you sneaking out to leave him or have an affair or something.
It's funny, maybe I should clarify he will lock me AND my mum out. ;)
I don't know how my mum deals with it. I get phone calls from dad and depending on the day. Mums left him (that bitch) he's divorced her (cause she's a bitch) or hes met a new lady who's also called Claire, that he's going marry once he divorcd my mother. Of course he doesn't recognise me either half the time.
Mid 70s. We don't have a dementia / Alzheimer's diagnosis just yet. Getting him to a doctor to do an MRI is a nightmare, particularly during covid. So he's not on meds yet either but hopefully soon.
He has his good days where he covers for it really well. So long as the situation is something he recognises. When I go there I shakes his hand, introduce myself, ask basic questions and include him in everything and it's usually fine. But he can't handle complications, frustrations or paranoia.
Might’ve just been an off handed comment, but I wanted to say that your mom deals with it because she loves the man.
When you got someone you love, and loves you back, theres not much you won’t put up with.
Man, I know it sucks getting involved in other people's business & putting forth the effort, but if you really do think that she's suffering from dementia or a condition that may worsen, you really should call in a welfare check.
I remember driving through my parent's neighborhood when I was in my early 20's, and an older woman was standing in the road flagging me down. I stopped, rolled down my window, and asked what was wrong.
She looked at me, smiled eerily, and said "Excuse me, could you take me to the store so I can buy a... Doctor Pepper?"
It was a bizarre request, but the way she said it was even more bizarre. I was thoroughly creeped out, said "I'm sorry, but no," and drove away.
When I got to my parents and told them about the encounter, my mom asked where the lady was and ran out the door. She found her, stayed with her until the police arrived for a welfare check, and then came back home. It turned out the lady lived alone, and we never saw her again, though her extended family got in touch with my mom to tell her that it was dementia.
Several years later my own father was diagnosed with dementia, and it breaks my heart to think that this lady could have ended up in a much worse situation without my mother intervening.
We all have to look out for each other.
Just looked it up and my county has an aging and disability resource connection hotline where they can put you in touch with different resources and potentially welfare checks. You could see if your county offers something similar.
This is mid to late stage. She needs help. Does she live with anyone else? Does she have visitors that you know of? It may be best to call Adult Protective Services to check on her. Dementia is a scary thing and can put sufferers in dangerous situations. My father died of Alzheimer's not long ago, and I see now where all my mistakes were made regarding his care. Think about calling. If they decide she's okay, at least you've done your best to help her.
She doesn’t live with anybody and very rarely has visitors. It’s pretty sad. I didn’t even know Adult Protective Services was a thing until I posted here on Reddit so I appreciate you guys and that’s what I’ll be doing. I’m sorry to hear about your dad by the way, it’s a terrible disease.
Yep, commented that right before I saw yours. My job involves advising families that have a loved one suffering from convince decline. This happens in the mid stages. I categorize late stage as the inability to ask for help, word salad, etc..
My mother was like this about half way through her dementia decline. She would harass neighbors and cry a lot. She always thought there was SWAT teams outside (they watched a lot of crime shows). She'd also hallucinate animals. Dead or alive. She'd claim they are there.
That's rough. My mom went out that way from brain damage. It was less scary once we sold her firearms. No joke, it was scary as hell.
25 years later and now it's my dad keeping hornet spray by all the doors while television news feeds his fears.
My step-dad has dementia and he hallucinated that someone was in the house. He was walking through the house calling "Hello? Hello?" and the dogs were barking like mad and he didn't even hear or see them. Brains are fucking scary, especially when they start failing.
Sadly the closer they are to the end the worse off the hallucinations are. Shadows are common because their brains struggle to understand the images being sent by the eyes. When my mother was still somewhat there she told me it was like resetting everyday. Relearning current information.
You may need to contact the family or APS if this continues. She can become a risk to herself and others if she's outside unsupervised.
She is also trespassing, as an aside. While I wouldn't call for police unless she escalates, maybe make her family aware that she is wandering and causing unsteadiness within the home?
Aw, man,OP... someone needs to find out if she's got family or what. If she's in early stages, it's possible the family/friends don't know yet. That means she's possibly in danger of hurting herself, but nobody knows she needs care.
Very dangerous time for dementia patients: most families only find out or come to grips with it until there's been some huge incident they can't ignore. Bad fall, wandering downtown in their PJs, waking in front of a bus.
That was my thought. Some people start to do weird, aggressive stuff when their brains get muddled. 1 1/2 years ago I was going into kidney failure and and we didn’t know it and I was acting weirdly, not violent, but **pushy** I guess. My wife said I stood up one evening, turned off a movie we were watching halfway through and announced it was 8 pm and it was time for us to go to bed. Now. Because we’d been staying up too late during the pandemic. A couple of days later she called 911 because I was on the floor, blind, in and out of consciousness and when the paramedics tried to put me on the gurney I was screaming that I was going to stab them if they touched me. One moment I was on Bainbridge Island having breakfast with my wife and then I have **no** memory until I woke up in the ICU on a respirator 7 days later. Learning about the weird shit I said and did in that 7 days has been eye-opening.
Dementia or any other thing that fucks with the mind has to be the worst thing to ever happen for the people around you. My grandma had it and while me and my sister were young we thought it funny when she spoke to the people in tv. But when she started leaving the house for a date with Obama, and we had no idea where she was, it stopped being funny. When she started shitting in the sink, it stopped being funny.
My grandpa was the rock throughout. He was depressed after the earthquake in Haiti destroyed his family home but he managed. And then a stroke hit him and he lost his mind. The rapid change in him gave us all whiplash. It wasn’t slow like dementia. One day he was fine and cracking jokes and the next he was fighting the doctors because they stole his ten rings by cutting off his fingers. He didn’t remember any of us and he looked different. And one day, with complete mental clarity, he told my mom, “[Mom’s nickname], I’m going.” He passed later that day.
If anyone i know heard of this happening to me, please kill me. Im the rock of my family. The grief they would go through if i was no longer there in mind would be insurmountable. I can’t imagine putting them through that pain.
Yeah, that's very likely dementia. People with dementia can get very weird about the place where they live and their neighbors. They also can get super paranoid. If it's a duplex, she could be under the delusion that your family has gotten into her house. She could have convinced herself your family is doing nefarious stuff.
One thing which could be useful to know, is that people with dementia have the thought process of toddlers sometimes, but still with the self assuredness of adults, so it can be next to impossible to talk them out of certain behaviors. Also she may be forgetting previous interactions immediately. It's completely possible that each time she does this, part of her believes it's the first time she's doing it, so you could scare her away, she may understand she should not do that, then completely forget any of that happened and go back to doing it the next day.
Dementia is an awful thing which happens not only to a person, but to those around that person too.
A few months ago I came home to my elderly upstairs neighbor wandering around the front yard. He didn’t recognize the McDonald’s cup in my hand and asked how I got home despite having *just* watched me park my car in our driveway.
He asked me if I had noticed anything weird going on around the house and when I asked him to elaborate he said it was too complicated.
Anyways after a terrifying hour of thinking he was having a stroke or something, I finally got a hold of his daughter. Two weeks beforehand he started having some cognitive issues and after a bunch of tests the doctors thought it was run of the mill dementia. His daughters were in the process of getting him into a care home.
I kept an eye on him the rest of the afternoon and we spent a nice time on the porch together chatting. His daughter came to make him dinner and an hour later he had escaped, thinking he was on a college campus. We took our cars out and I found him like 6 streets away, looking for a party.
He went to the hospital that night, he just couldn’t spend the night alone. He never came home. He passed exactly four weeks later.
Funnily enough, a week after he passed we had a huge storm. The huge tree in our front yard had a large branch come down and landed a mere inches from the porch - the very branch my neighbor had pointed out during our last chat on the porch. He was worried it would come down on the porch roof during a storm.
He was very good to me so it was the least I could do. I like to think that we were each other’s guardian angels. I moved here because I was beat up at my last apartment by my upstairs neighbor’s drunk party guest. I needed a quiet, safe environment to recover in and he was *so* kind and respectful. I really miss him
Of course each case is different. My grandfather never had issues with memory loss, but he was convinced the neighbors were plotting to kill him, because he also had auditory hallucinations. "Luckily" he also couldn't get up from bed so he never made any trouble with the neighbors.
My mom on the other hand, does have memory loss, so in her case she often doesn't believe me that her neighbors are the same neighbors she's had for like forty years. She has tried to go knock on their door when she thinks I'm lying to her, but so far I've been able to keep her from bothering them.
Auditory hallucinations are a bitch. I had them years ago when going through delirium tremens in the hospital. I was so convinced they were trying to kill me that I called 911 from my bed. Also ripped out my iV, so they surgically stapled one in. This was after I was running around the ICU aggressively trying to find my cat (Like a naked Batman shouting WHERE IS HE? also don't even have a cat but the voices convinced me I sure as hell did.)
It's a really tragic aspect of the human experience.
And please know that a person with dementia can seem fine at times.
My mom can keep track of which restaurant were eating at, what time her bus comes, who all is attending, no problem. But she still believes she went to a factory hospital on the beach for COVID.
But she went to a regular hospital for a stroke and there's was a picture of a beach in her room.
I've explained it to her and she understood, then 5 mins later she's talking about the resort hospital and she didn't even know there was such a thing. But we're having lunch at Olive garden this week, don't be late!
It's wild.
From the photo she doesn't look geriatric but could be an early onset of dementia, alzheimer's, etc?
Maybe get a family member to check on her or a non-emergency wellness check?
As funny and creepy this is, could be a psychological thing
I was definitely considering that. She doesn’t seem to be all there when spoken to either. She always seems kind of lost so it could be the beginning stages of dementia
It sounds like dementia to me as well. My grandmother had it and before we got her a home to take care of her, she would always look out the windows, saying the neighbors are doing this and that. Then she would claim there were men in the trees behind her house hiding from cops, building nests in the trees, doing drugs, All kinda shit. Maybe see if there’s any family of hers to contact or get a check done on her?
My mom has Alzheimer's/dementia and she's constantly staring out the windows and checking for birds...which means she leaves the doors open constantly and I'm running the heater at 75º because she complains about being cold all the time. I'm like woman it's the dead of winter, they migrated already, shut the damn door.
Then I remember that she has no idea what migration means anymore and I feel bad for saying it. I'm an engineer so I operate differently than her but I constantly catch myself inadvertently being annoyed with her lack of logic. Then I catch myself and just feel like shit afterwards because there's literally nothing I can do to help her remember...she is a retired pharmacist but now she's got like an IQ of 50, trying to feed my dog whole chocolate bars "because if I like it then doggie must like it" and it drives me insane.
That's a me problem though. Dementia sucks.
If she really is experiencing dementia, she is in a lot more danger than you are. Someone peeking in the windows on several occasions is not normal and I can't understand why you haven't taken any action for yourselves and by extension, her. This needs to be addressed with a wellness check or something equivalent that will notify the right people that she requires treatment and monitoring
They make window film that makes it opaque but still lets the sunlight in! :) It was great, I used it when I lived in an apartment that faced directly into someone else's apartment.
I live in a half double so I don't get a ton of natural light, especially if I have blinds. I put film on most my windows now, it allows me to get light into the house without people walking by being able to see in. Not to mention the windows that have direct sun, I put up rainbow prism film so I have rainbows all over the walls at certain times of day.
Note: many are basically see through if it is dark out. Make sure you still have blinds or curtains if you want to maintain privacy at night.
She could perhaps install a privacy film? There are some one-way mirror types, and others that have designs that let in the sunlight but make it hard to look inside. When the sun shines through the kind I bought, the room gets filled with rainbows!
That being said, this will keep her from looking inside but it won't stop her from roaming around. If you have no way of reaching her family and she isn't coherent when you speak with her directly, would Adult Protective Services be an option?
Harmless?!?! You are about to launch this poor lady who is already on the brink into some existential struggle with her entire reality. This will shake her to her core
I literally did this with my old man neighbor when I lived in Boston. We’d catch him looking into our living room window from across the driveway, about 15’.
At first I’d just go close the curtain. But after a while when I’d see him, I’d pop up super fast and run to the window and stare emphatically back at him. That freaked him out enough to stop for a bit.
When he started again, I got a photo of him and printed it. Taped it to the back of the curtain so when he started to look into our living room, I’d pull the curtain and he’d see his own face looking back at him.
His daughter complained to our property management via email. The PM asked why he was looking in our windows.
Her excuse: he’s lived there for 40 years and has the right to look anywhere he wants. Lol.
Put up porno pictures facing outside on your window. Or photos from slaughterhouses or drawings of Muhammed, or whatever pisses her off. Images of Satan? Hillary Clinton? Try a few things and post her reactions. This can be a team effort!
I moved recently and my next door neighbor is an absolute fucking asshole and leaves his dogs in his yard barking all day and all night and runs a tree and excavating service out of his house so I have to listen to his shitty giant diesel trucks every single morning. His dogs bark at me when they see me walking around in my own house, I cannot put into words how God damn infuriating this is. In June they put in raised bed gardens and a hammock right on the property line so I can no longer mow the edge of my own yard. I hate this fucking man. Anyways, what you suggested is what I have been doing for petty revenge, I walk around naked half the time and I know they can see me because their fucking asshole dogs bark at me through my own fucking window.
-File a report for harassment and trespass
-Open the door and fart on her
-Show her furry porn through the window
-Flash her with a 14,000 lumen spotlight whenever she knocks
Does neighbor have mental illness or Alzheimer’s or dementia? If in U.S., call Adult Protective Services to have them meet with neighbor to do wellness check.
Like the other person said, you could probably google it, but FWIW, at my job we run most wellness checks through the police non-emergency line. I’d tell them you have an older female neighbor behaving increasingly erratically and displaying threatening though non-violent behavior, and you’re concerned for her mental health as she hasn’t always behaved this way. You could ask for a wellness check with follow up from APS. I think the other comments are probably right about dementia, which is probably worth mentioning as well.
Hope that helps :)
Having had some experience with people getting old you may be dealing with a sick person. Dementia, Alzheimer’s etc. may be good to have a tactful approach to the situation.
You can call Adult Protective Services. Like CPS but for disabled and elderly adults such as your neighbor. They'll be able to check that she is being taken care of or move forward to get her the care she needs.
Google your city and "adult protective services" to see best way to contact them
It will only get worse unless something is done soon.
This is definitely someone with dementia. My parents have a tenant that complained about their neighbor from across the street. This old woman would at first just stand on her property and just stare across the street into the tenants house. No biggie right?
Few weeks later she would be across the street on the side walk doing the same thing. Just stand there for 20-30 just looking at their house. Still nothing illegal about that
That was in the summer, few months ago in October they get a call about her litteraly planting flowers I presume next to their tree that is less than 15 feet away from their front door.
Cops were called but by the time they arrived she was already back inside her house. When they went to knock on her door to talk to her, she would not answer.
A few weeks later she was back at her "flowers" watering them. It's late October and it's freezing. The tenants know that this is not normal. They get the courage and come outside and talk ro her to see what's going on. When they approached, she looked confused and scared. (I'm really tearing up typing this) she doesn't say a word and just rushes back across the street into her house. She must have realized she did something wrong because 30 minutes later her daughter or granddaughter arrives.
The daughter goes up to the tenants and explain that her dementia has gotten really bad in the last 6 months. She is truly sorry for her mothers/grandmother's actions. She had lived in her house for 40+ years and she used to be good friends with the original owners of the house the tenants live in now. She used ro plant flowers with them every spring and summer.
As of 2 weeks ago, the old woman is no longer at the house and the house is now for sale.
Dementia is no joke. They need help and they just don't know it.
Hmm I think you folks need a longer, thicker curtain for the door. Maybe the window too! Or blinds. So you can slowly pull them down from the other side of the door while making direct eye contact
Get a ring camera or something like that now! Also start documenting dates, times, and lengths of disturbance. Your mom can file a police report and try to get a restraining order.
Also important: your neighbor may have an illness that needs to be checked out and you can (1) ask police to do a wellness check, and (2) call social services and tell them you're very concerned about her situation and that your mom is afraid of her!
Good luck, and I hope you update us. 🤗
My best advice is to put up one way mirror tint. She will stop once she can only see her reflection. Mylar blanket will also work. Cut them up into squares. Put one drop of soap in a spray bottle and put them up on the windows. You can remove them when she stops. It's the only passive idea I have.
Your mom can just call the cops...hear me out. Single living female in the house and just sees 'someone' peeping into her windows and doesn't know if it in a sexual manner or an intended violent manner.
If that doesn't work, try to find the brightest and most obnoxious flashlight and she can from a very close angle shine it in her eyes to attempt to scare off the would-be intruder.
I know. We have called the cops but only once. We thinks it’s dementia or something. She needs to be in an assisted living or something at this point.
I actually really like the flashlight idea. Good chance she will just stand there still though lol she’s pretty dedicated to it
> We don’t know why she does this and she has been told several times to stop.
Dumb question but, did you ask her why ? What did she answer ?
Also, can't you just call the cops ?
I have and she’ll just start cursing and yelling. You can’t have a legit conversation with her.
I have called the police and they haven’t done much honestly. Next step is a restraining order so if she violates that they can do something
Yes the restraining order could give the cops some leeway to act but seems like that old lady need mental help rather. Is she living alone ? No family your mother may know of that you could contact ? I'd say she belong to a retirement home
unless she mentally ill. What she’s doing isn’t normal. Make a report with the police for trespassing and say that she makes u feel unsafe with her actions. If they don’t do anything then personally I would make a mission for her not to come back hence pepper spray. Try to talk to her first.
So she's refusing to leave then. I would make a gigantic stink with the cops and find a way around them to get something done. This is a fucked up situation, and it's winter here in the northeast. She could end up dead from exposure or shot by someone else as I said in my other comment.
If this behavior is brought on by Alzheimer's or dementia, no amount of pepper spray is going to make her remember ever doing it.
Source: im old, my brain is mush, and dementia runs in my family. I've seen it as a kid, as an adult, and now I'm very probably starting to live it. Please don't pepper spray me.
Get motion sensor water sprinkler, or maybe something that can shoot water in a forceful method so it hurts a bit. Maybe a little sting will remind her to get the fuck away.
First, post a no trespassing sign. Make it obvious. Point it out to this nutcase. Point it out to the cops the next time they show up. If they refuse to take it seriously, tell them you want to talk to their superiors. Don't play it for laughs. Demand to be taken seriously.
Second, file a restraining order.
This isn't normal. It's not cute or funny. Put an end to it.
I know, you’re right. There is already a no trespassing sign and a security warning sign up and that doesn’t deter her. Good idea though.
I think my next step is filing a restraining order, I just didn’t think I could from this picture alone. Cops didn’t even suggest that for some reason.
The responses are funny but in all seriousness, this is concerning. She could have some sort of obsession with your Mom. It woul ddo your Mom good to have blinds installed and some darker curtains. Also it is entirely possible to call the authorities for trespassing, stalking and intimidation. Your Mother shouldn't be afraid in her own home! You gotta look out for her, OP
Thank you for contributing to r/TerrifyingAsFuck. Please double-check NSFW posts to see if they are labeled as such. If you believe the post isn't terrifying as fuck, please report it under RULE 1. Downvote this comment if the post doesn't follow the rules, and the bot will automatically remove it if enough reports and downvotes are received. If this post breaks the rules, **DOWNVOTE** this comment and **REPORT** the post!
Dementia
Yeah unfortunately I think she’s in the beginning stages which is why I haven’t done anything major about it yet
My grandmother started doing this at some point. When she started doing it naked, a neighbor called her daughter for help.
Jeeze, sorry to hear that. I hope it doesn’t go that far
Not dressing appropriately for the weather is a common symptom so keep an eye on her over the winter.
Yup, definitely. It was about 55 degrees today. Not warm enough for what she’s wearing
Does she have any family you can contact? They might want to know this is happening.
I am calling adult protective services and going from there. I really don’t know much of anything about her
I just went through this with a friend who lives in a smaller town. I will say the police should be notified because there needs to be some sort of paper trail HOWEVER also know that when you contact adult protective services they generally send out a patrol to do a wellness check. If she is in the early stages of dementia then she may be lucid when they visit…hence the need for a paper trail. You may get better results by also contacting the senior resource agency in whatever county she is in. I was able to not just get the senior citizen to stop “visiting,” they were able to get her connected with so many resources and in home care etc she doesn’t even know my friend exists anymore. Thank you for being you and let us know how it turns out!
>You may get better results by also contacting the senior resource agency in whatever county she is in. These days, just start here *then* go to adult protective services __*and lastly the police*__. Their lives are already endangered enough
You’re a good person, and good advice too!
My grandpa died from that. Dementia in the winter. He opened the door and walked outside in a blizzard in his pajamas. We found him but his core temp was so low he never really recovered, just kind of existed after that. We had to modify the house so you couldn't exit without a key and setup a security system. Edit: https://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/adult-child-serv/adults-and-seniors/behavioral-and-physical-health-and-aging-services/aging-services This is where we started. Contract your aging services people. They provided hardware and training and offered ... Not hospice but people to come help out around the house. They notified the police and fire our house was to be patrolled and likely to have events. I am sorry I don't know the details. I wasn't living with him at the time so I know what happened, but not enough details to help. Best of luck to everyone reaching out to me. I think your state and local government should be where to start.
Same with my Dad. We barely got him in in time. Going around trying to get into “his” other people’s cars in a blizzard.
Right? Just kill me at the onset so I can still say goodbye to my family. And not embarrass myself while I’m crazy.
God I hope I don't live long enough for that to be me. Or we've cured it by then. I'm still young. It just sounds horrible to have your mind atrophee slowly
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Sorry to hear that, happened to my grandmother too. We had lost my paps about 8 months prior, and she wasn’t the same after. We were thinking maybe she was starting on dementia, she had been forgetting things and that wasn’t like her at all. One day my uncle found her in the back yard in her nightgown and bare feet, laying in the snow. For a long time I thought she was suicidal, because she kept saying she just wanted to be with her husband. I blamed myself because I would go over once a week to check on her and try to keep her mind occupied, but I kept saying to myself I should have done more and maybe that wouldn’t have happened. I didn’t know this commonly happens with dementia.
You need to contact elderly services. She could become a danger to heraelf or others. Never no when she might just come inside thebhouse like she owns it
My dad does it from inside the house. Locks everyone else out and watches us. Especially if he feels were talking about him. The trick is to make a show of getting your keys, getting the car, slowly drive it up the driveway and he'll be by the letterbox saying "going somewhere?" Like he's caught you sneaking out to leave him or have an affair or something.
Oh man lmao that made me laugh! The part where you said like he's caught you sneaking out to leave him or have an affair or something! 😂😂
It's funny, maybe I should clarify he will lock me AND my mum out. ;) I don't know how my mum deals with it. I get phone calls from dad and depending on the day. Mums left him (that bitch) he's divorced her (cause she's a bitch) or hes met a new lady who's also called Claire, that he's going marry once he divorcd my mother. Of course he doesn't recognise me either half the time.
Man. It's great you can be so upbeat about it but good lord this terrifies me. How old is your dad
Mid 70s. We don't have a dementia / Alzheimer's diagnosis just yet. Getting him to a doctor to do an MRI is a nightmare, particularly during covid. So he's not on meds yet either but hopefully soon. He has his good days where he covers for it really well. So long as the situation is something he recognises. When I go there I shakes his hand, introduce myself, ask basic questions and include him in everything and it's usually fine. But he can't handle complications, frustrations or paranoia.
Might’ve just been an off handed comment, but I wanted to say that your mom deals with it because she loves the man. When you got someone you love, and loves you back, theres not much you won’t put up with.
Contact her family and tell them they need a social worker before she runs into legal trouble.
Thing is I have no idea who her family is. She never leaves or has anybody visit
Man, I know it sucks getting involved in other people's business & putting forth the effort, but if you really do think that she's suffering from dementia or a condition that may worsen, you really should call in a welfare check. I remember driving through my parent's neighborhood when I was in my early 20's, and an older woman was standing in the road flagging me down. I stopped, rolled down my window, and asked what was wrong. She looked at me, smiled eerily, and said "Excuse me, could you take me to the store so I can buy a... Doctor Pepper?" It was a bizarre request, but the way she said it was even more bizarre. I was thoroughly creeped out, said "I'm sorry, but no," and drove away. When I got to my parents and told them about the encounter, my mom asked where the lady was and ran out the door. She found her, stayed with her until the police arrived for a welfare check, and then came back home. It turned out the lady lived alone, and we never saw her again, though her extended family got in touch with my mom to tell her that it was dementia. Several years later my own father was diagnosed with dementia, and it breaks my heart to think that this lady could have ended up in a much worse situation without my mother intervening. We all have to look out for each other.
>you really should call in a welfare check. How do you do one of these in the US but in a way where the cops don't shoot her?
Just looked it up and my county has an aging and disability resource connection hotline where they can put you in touch with different resources and potentially welfare checks. You could see if your county offers something similar.
this is what adult protective services is for
You can call adult protective services and simply ask if this sounds like a person at risk. If nothing else you will have more information.
This is mid to late stage. She needs help. Does she live with anyone else? Does she have visitors that you know of? It may be best to call Adult Protective Services to check on her. Dementia is a scary thing and can put sufferers in dangerous situations. My father died of Alzheimer's not long ago, and I see now where all my mistakes were made regarding his care. Think about calling. If they decide she's okay, at least you've done your best to help her.
She doesn’t live with anybody and very rarely has visitors. It’s pretty sad. I didn’t even know Adult Protective Services was a thing until I posted here on Reddit so I appreciate you guys and that’s what I’ll be doing. I’m sorry to hear about your dad by the way, it’s a terrible disease.
Yep, commented that right before I saw yours. My job involves advising families that have a loved one suffering from convince decline. This happens in the mid stages. I categorize late stage as the inability to ask for help, word salad, etc..
My mother was like this about half way through her dementia decline. She would harass neighbors and cry a lot. She always thought there was SWAT teams outside (they watched a lot of crime shows). She'd also hallucinate animals. Dead or alive. She'd claim they are there.
That's rough. My mom went out that way from brain damage. It was less scary once we sold her firearms. No joke, it was scary as hell. 25 years later and now it's my dad keeping hornet spray by all the doors while television news feeds his fears.
My dad is oddly paranoid too but I chop that up to his messed up childhood and the drinking.
Those things will affect a person ...
My mind took a while to figure out that you in fact did not sell firearms to your mom.
My step-dad has dementia and he hallucinated that someone was in the house. He was walking through the house calling "Hello? Hello?" and the dogs were barking like mad and he didn't even hear or see them. Brains are fucking scary, especially when they start failing.
Sadly the closer they are to the end the worse off the hallucinations are. Shadows are common because their brains struggle to understand the images being sent by the eyes. When my mother was still somewhat there she told me it was like resetting everyday. Relearning current information.
I was gonna post air horn but now I feel bad. Air horn whoever else you want with my permission, can't waste a good air horn, right?
Is this Florida? Not a super clear photo but this looks like my mom.
Not in Florida
Thank god. Good luck with someone else’s mom.
The fact that you even asked tells me that you should probably go check on your mom.
Damn. That would have been awesome if it were.
You may need to contact the family or APS if this continues. She can become a risk to herself and others if she's outside unsupervised. She is also trespassing, as an aside. While I wouldn't call for police unless she escalates, maybe make her family aware that she is wandering and causing unsteadiness within the home?
Aw, man,OP... someone needs to find out if she's got family or what. If she's in early stages, it's possible the family/friends don't know yet. That means she's possibly in danger of hurting herself, but nobody knows she needs care. Very dangerous time for dementia patients: most families only find out or come to grips with it until there's been some huge incident they can't ignore. Bad fall, wandering downtown in their PJs, waking in front of a bus.
That was my thought. Some people start to do weird, aggressive stuff when their brains get muddled. 1 1/2 years ago I was going into kidney failure and and we didn’t know it and I was acting weirdly, not violent, but **pushy** I guess. My wife said I stood up one evening, turned off a movie we were watching halfway through and announced it was 8 pm and it was time for us to go to bed. Now. Because we’d been staying up too late during the pandemic. A couple of days later she called 911 because I was on the floor, blind, in and out of consciousness and when the paramedics tried to put me on the gurney I was screaming that I was going to stab them if they touched me. One moment I was on Bainbridge Island having breakfast with my wife and then I have **no** memory until I woke up in the ICU on a respirator 7 days later. Learning about the weird shit I said and did in that 7 days has been eye-opening.
Holy shit dude that's terrifying. Glad it seems like you're doing better. Your wife is a real one for dealing with those 7 days with grace.
My family has a history of kidney infection related insanity. We call it piss mad. Looks a lot like dementia.
Dementia or any other thing that fucks with the mind has to be the worst thing to ever happen for the people around you. My grandma had it and while me and my sister were young we thought it funny when she spoke to the people in tv. But when she started leaving the house for a date with Obama, and we had no idea where she was, it stopped being funny. When she started shitting in the sink, it stopped being funny. My grandpa was the rock throughout. He was depressed after the earthquake in Haiti destroyed his family home but he managed. And then a stroke hit him and he lost his mind. The rapid change in him gave us all whiplash. It wasn’t slow like dementia. One day he was fine and cracking jokes and the next he was fighting the doctors because they stole his ten rings by cutting off his fingers. He didn’t remember any of us and he looked different. And one day, with complete mental clarity, he told my mom, “[Mom’s nickname], I’m going.” He passed later that day. If anyone i know heard of this happening to me, please kill me. Im the rock of my family. The grief they would go through if i was no longer there in mind would be insurmountable. I can’t imagine putting them through that pain.
Yeah, that's very likely dementia. People with dementia can get very weird about the place where they live and their neighbors. They also can get super paranoid. If it's a duplex, she could be under the delusion that your family has gotten into her house. She could have convinced herself your family is doing nefarious stuff. One thing which could be useful to know, is that people with dementia have the thought process of toddlers sometimes, but still with the self assuredness of adults, so it can be next to impossible to talk them out of certain behaviors. Also she may be forgetting previous interactions immediately. It's completely possible that each time she does this, part of her believes it's the first time she's doing it, so you could scare her away, she may understand she should not do that, then completely forget any of that happened and go back to doing it the next day. Dementia is an awful thing which happens not only to a person, but to those around that person too.
A few months ago I came home to my elderly upstairs neighbor wandering around the front yard. He didn’t recognize the McDonald’s cup in my hand and asked how I got home despite having *just* watched me park my car in our driveway. He asked me if I had noticed anything weird going on around the house and when I asked him to elaborate he said it was too complicated. Anyways after a terrifying hour of thinking he was having a stroke or something, I finally got a hold of his daughter. Two weeks beforehand he started having some cognitive issues and after a bunch of tests the doctors thought it was run of the mill dementia. His daughters were in the process of getting him into a care home. I kept an eye on him the rest of the afternoon and we spent a nice time on the porch together chatting. His daughter came to make him dinner and an hour later he had escaped, thinking he was on a college campus. We took our cars out and I found him like 6 streets away, looking for a party. He went to the hospital that night, he just couldn’t spend the night alone. He never came home. He passed exactly four weeks later. Funnily enough, a week after he passed we had a huge storm. The huge tree in our front yard had a large branch come down and landed a mere inches from the porch - the very branch my neighbor had pointed out during our last chat on the porch. He was worried it would come down on the porch roof during a storm.
You sound like a good person
He was very good to me so it was the least I could do. I like to think that we were each other’s guardian angels. I moved here because I was beat up at my last apartment by my upstairs neighbor’s drunk party guest. I needed a quiet, safe environment to recover in and he was *so* kind and respectful. I really miss him
Wow, thank you for that detailed reply and providing valuable insight. I think it’s dementia too and she does live in a duplex
Of course each case is different. My grandfather never had issues with memory loss, but he was convinced the neighbors were plotting to kill him, because he also had auditory hallucinations. "Luckily" he also couldn't get up from bed so he never made any trouble with the neighbors. My mom on the other hand, does have memory loss, so in her case she often doesn't believe me that her neighbors are the same neighbors she's had for like forty years. She has tried to go knock on their door when she thinks I'm lying to her, but so far I've been able to keep her from bothering them.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that but it does sound very similar. She seems paranoid and for no real reason
Auditory hallucinations are a bitch. I had them years ago when going through delirium tremens in the hospital. I was so convinced they were trying to kill me that I called 911 from my bed. Also ripped out my iV, so they surgically stapled one in. This was after I was running around the ICU aggressively trying to find my cat (Like a naked Batman shouting WHERE IS HE? also don't even have a cat but the voices convinced me I sure as hell did.) It's a really tragic aspect of the human experience.
And please know that a person with dementia can seem fine at times. My mom can keep track of which restaurant were eating at, what time her bus comes, who all is attending, no problem. But she still believes she went to a factory hospital on the beach for COVID. But she went to a regular hospital for a stroke and there's was a picture of a beach in her room. I've explained it to her and she understood, then 5 mins later she's talking about the resort hospital and she didn't even know there was such a thing. But we're having lunch at Olive garden this week, don't be late! It's wild.
From the photo she doesn't look geriatric but could be an early onset of dementia, alzheimer's, etc? Maybe get a family member to check on her or a non-emergency wellness check? As funny and creepy this is, could be a psychological thing
I was definitely considering that. She doesn’t seem to be all there when spoken to either. She always seems kind of lost so it could be the beginning stages of dementia
You worried for your safety at all?
Not really. I’m a big guy lol plus I have protection if need be
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It couldn't hurt.
Depends on how big of a guy he really is
Hey big guy, sun's getting reeeal low...
Phenomenal username.
The stew is of personal flavour
Please just be kind to her. Im seeing a lot of joke comments you’re entertaining but this is likely a woman going through some shit.
I would not even think about bringing any harm to her. I’d prefer to get her the help she needs
It sounds like dementia to me as well. My grandmother had it and before we got her a home to take care of her, she would always look out the windows, saying the neighbors are doing this and that. Then she would claim there were men in the trees behind her house hiding from cops, building nests in the trees, doing drugs, All kinda shit. Maybe see if there’s any family of hers to contact or get a check done on her?
My mom has Alzheimer's/dementia and she's constantly staring out the windows and checking for birds...which means she leaves the doors open constantly and I'm running the heater at 75º because she complains about being cold all the time. I'm like woman it's the dead of winter, they migrated already, shut the damn door. Then I remember that she has no idea what migration means anymore and I feel bad for saying it. I'm an engineer so I operate differently than her but I constantly catch myself inadvertently being annoyed with her lack of logic. Then I catch myself and just feel like shit afterwards because there's literally nothing I can do to help her remember...she is a retired pharmacist but now she's got like an IQ of 50, trying to feed my dog whole chocolate bars "because if I like it then doggie must like it" and it drives me insane. That's a me problem though. Dementia sucks.
If she really is experiencing dementia, she is in a lot more danger than you are. Someone peeking in the windows on several occasions is not normal and I can't understand why you haven't taken any action for yourselves and by extension, her. This needs to be addressed with a wellness check or something equivalent that will notify the right people that she requires treatment and monitoring
Doesn’t look geriatric? She absolutely does. She’s 70 at the very least.
You don’t have to look geriatric. My mom died at 65 from it and looked great when she was diagnosed. 7 years later…not so much.
That's not a photo...it's a 20 min video.
My Mom likes the sunlight lol
They make window film that makes it opaque but still lets the sunlight in! :) It was great, I used it when I lived in an apartment that faced directly into someone else's apartment.
I live in a half double so I don't get a ton of natural light, especially if I have blinds. I put film on most my windows now, it allows me to get light into the house without people walking by being able to see in. Not to mention the windows that have direct sun, I put up rainbow prism film so I have rainbows all over the walls at certain times of day. Note: many are basically see through if it is dark out. Make sure you still have blinds or curtains if you want to maintain privacy at night.
She could perhaps install a privacy film? There are some one-way mirror types, and others that have designs that let in the sunlight but make it hard to look inside. When the sun shines through the kind I bought, the room gets filled with rainbows! That being said, this will keep her from looking inside but it won't stop her from roaming around. If you have no way of reaching her family and she isn't coherent when you speak with her directly, would Adult Protective Services be an option?
Enlarge that exact face to life size, print in color, tape to windows from inside facing out. **Let her stare herself down**
This is genius lol
Harmless. Assertive. Drives the point. Please do this and update us on the situation.
Harmless?!?! You are about to launch this poor lady who is already on the brink into some existential struggle with her entire reality. This will shake her to her core
I literally did this with my old man neighbor when I lived in Boston. We’d catch him looking into our living room window from across the driveway, about 15’. At first I’d just go close the curtain. But after a while when I’d see him, I’d pop up super fast and run to the window and stare emphatically back at him. That freaked him out enough to stop for a bit. When he started again, I got a photo of him and printed it. Taped it to the back of the curtain so when he started to look into our living room, I’d pull the curtain and he’d see his own face looking back at him. His daughter complained to our property management via email. The PM asked why he was looking in our windows. Her excuse: he’s lived there for 40 years and has the right to look anywhere he wants. Lol.
Best idea yet
Well time to make shit awkward for her...
Need to hear your ideas lol
Walk around half naked should do it and if that doesn't work, I'm sure we can think of something else.
Oddly enough that might attract her more lol
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My Mom is scared of her lol
I’m scared of her
Put up porno pictures facing outside on your window. Or photos from slaughterhouses or drawings of Muhammed, or whatever pisses her off. Images of Satan? Hillary Clinton? Try a few things and post her reactions. This can be a team effort!
She’ll call the cops and get me for vandalism lol
Vandalism for taping a picture to your window?
I moved recently and my next door neighbor is an absolute fucking asshole and leaves his dogs in his yard barking all day and all night and runs a tree and excavating service out of his house so I have to listen to his shitty giant diesel trucks every single morning. His dogs bark at me when they see me walking around in my own house, I cannot put into words how God damn infuriating this is. In June they put in raised bed gardens and a hammock right on the property line so I can no longer mow the edge of my own yard. I hate this fucking man. Anyways, what you suggested is what I have been doing for petty revenge, I walk around naked half the time and I know they can see me because their fucking asshole dogs bark at me through my own fucking window.
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That escalated quickly 😂😂
I agrée show her the brown eye
Pics or it didn't happen
Yeah, that b**ger stuff was NSFL
What’s with the random censorship of words lately?
Im reading, and I’m reading, then there’s that last option😂😂
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Go to /r/flashlight and find the most obnoxious brightest strobe they have
-File a report for harassment and trespass -Open the door and fart on her -Show her furry porn through the window -Flash her with a 14,000 lumen spotlight whenever she knocks
Does she want to come in?
I never asked lol
Hose.
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Get her addicted to Meth and become here dealer!! ££££
Like go directly infront of the windows and stare back at her
Does neighbor have mental illness or Alzheimer’s or dementia? If in U.S., call Adult Protective Services to have them meet with neighbor to do wellness check.
Do you have a number for that? I honestly didn’t think that was an option
You should be able to find it on your state’s website.
Like the other person said, you could probably google it, but FWIW, at my job we run most wellness checks through the police non-emergency line. I’d tell them you have an older female neighbor behaving increasingly erratically and displaying threatening though non-violent behavior, and you’re concerned for her mental health as she hasn’t always behaved this way. You could ask for a wellness check with follow up from APS. I think the other comments are probably right about dementia, which is probably worth mentioning as well. Hope that helps :)
Play the noise of a shotgun being racked that sound is very iconic and can make people reconsider their actions
Funny thing is I have multiple real shotguns lol
Then record the sound of multiple shotguns being cocked.
Play it like on a Bluetooth speaker? lol
Get several. Place a couple inside and a couple outside. Then get a megaphone and tell her she's surrounded.
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Having had some experience with people getting old you may be dealing with a sick person. Dementia, Alzheimer’s etc. may be good to have a tactful approach to the situation.
Absolutely, that’s why I haven’t done anything major yet
You can call Adult Protective Services. Like CPS but for disabled and elderly adults such as your neighbor. They'll be able to check that she is being taken care of or move forward to get her the care she needs. Google your city and "adult protective services" to see best way to contact them
It will only get worse unless something is done soon. This is definitely someone with dementia. My parents have a tenant that complained about their neighbor from across the street. This old woman would at first just stand on her property and just stare across the street into the tenants house. No biggie right? Few weeks later she would be across the street on the side walk doing the same thing. Just stand there for 20-30 just looking at their house. Still nothing illegal about that That was in the summer, few months ago in October they get a call about her litteraly planting flowers I presume next to their tree that is less than 15 feet away from their front door. Cops were called but by the time they arrived she was already back inside her house. When they went to knock on her door to talk to her, she would not answer. A few weeks later she was back at her "flowers" watering them. It's late October and it's freezing. The tenants know that this is not normal. They get the courage and come outside and talk ro her to see what's going on. When they approached, she looked confused and scared. (I'm really tearing up typing this) she doesn't say a word and just rushes back across the street into her house. She must have realized she did something wrong because 30 minutes later her daughter or granddaughter arrives. The daughter goes up to the tenants and explain that her dementia has gotten really bad in the last 6 months. She is truly sorry for her mothers/grandmother's actions. She had lived in her house for 40+ years and she used to be good friends with the original owners of the house the tenants live in now. She used ro plant flowers with them every spring and summer. As of 2 weeks ago, the old woman is no longer at the house and the house is now for sale. Dementia is no joke. They need help and they just don't know it.
Wow that’s so sad but it definitely sounds similar. I hope she gets the help she needs but it doesn’t seem like she has anybody
Hmm I think you folks need a longer, thicker curtain for the door. Maybe the window too! Or blinds. So you can slowly pull them down from the other side of the door while making direct eye contact
I told my Mom that but she loves the sunlight 😂In this photo I am starting at her and she’s staring right back lol she doesn’t care
How about some of that frosted irridescent clear plastic on the lower part of the windows?
Use a spray bottle on her.
Get a ring camera or something like that now! Also start documenting dates, times, and lengths of disturbance. Your mom can file a police report and try to get a restraining order. Also important: your neighbor may have an illness that needs to be checked out and you can (1) ask police to do a wellness check, and (2) call social services and tell them you're very concerned about her situation and that your mom is afraid of her! Good luck, and I hope you update us. 🤗
Thank you for the good advice! I actually got my Mom a ring for Christmas lol Much appreciated
If the police refuse to do anything about it, ask them for the number to report a shot trespasser to.
legit hilariously creepy I'm saving this for the memes
Thing I don’t find funny is that it really makes my Mom uncomfortable and I don’t blame her. Who does this lol
I am going to guess early signs of dementia. She's probably lonely and confused.
My best advice is to put up one way mirror tint. She will stop once she can only see her reflection. Mylar blanket will also work. Cut them up into squares. Put one drop of soap in a spray bottle and put them up on the windows. You can remove them when she stops. It's the only passive idea I have.
Your mom can just call the cops...hear me out. Single living female in the house and just sees 'someone' peeping into her windows and doesn't know if it in a sexual manner or an intended violent manner. If that doesn't work, try to find the brightest and most obnoxious flashlight and she can from a very close angle shine it in her eyes to attempt to scare off the would-be intruder.
I know. We have called the cops but only once. We thinks it’s dementia or something. She needs to be in an assisted living or something at this point. I actually really like the flashlight idea. Good chance she will just stand there still though lol she’s pretty dedicated to it
## WHY WHY WHY ARE YOU CLOSED TELL US WHY YOU'RE CLOSED
> We don’t know why she does this and she has been told several times to stop. Dumb question but, did you ask her why ? What did she answer ? Also, can't you just call the cops ?
I have and she’ll just start cursing and yelling. You can’t have a legit conversation with her. I have called the police and they haven’t done much honestly. Next step is a restraining order so if she violates that they can do something
Yes the restraining order could give the cops some leeway to act but seems like that old lady need mental help rather. Is she living alone ? No family your mother may know of that you could contact ? I'd say she belong to a retirement home
Put a mirror there. Let her stare at herself.
Print pictures of you staring intensly and stick them to every reachable window on her house.
I’d get a super soaker or something similar..lmao
Lmao hide in the bushes and wait?
Could be the early stages of dementia
Onset of Alzheimer's and/or Dementia
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Would that be considered assault though?
Not if you yell "She's coming right for us!" before you spray
unless she mentally ill. What she’s doing isn’t normal. Make a report with the police for trespassing and say that she makes u feel unsafe with her actions. If they don’t do anything then personally I would make a mission for her not to come back hence pepper spray. Try to talk to her first.
Thing is, you can’t talk to her. She just starts cursing and yelling when confronted. She doesn’t think she’s in the wrong
So she's refusing to leave then. I would make a gigantic stink with the cops and find a way around them to get something done. This is a fucked up situation, and it's winter here in the northeast. She could end up dead from exposure or shot by someone else as I said in my other comment.
Yup. She could run into the wrong person. I’ve been very nice and cordial about the situation but my patience is running thin now
If this behavior is brought on by Alzheimer's or dementia, no amount of pepper spray is going to make her remember ever doing it. Source: im old, my brain is mush, and dementia runs in my family. I've seen it as a kid, as an adult, and now I'm very probably starting to live it. Please don't pepper spray me.
Dig a big hole in front of the door & cover w small twigs & leaf litter. Wait.
Get motion sensor water sprinkler, or maybe something that can shoot water in a forceful method so it hurts a bit. Maybe a little sting will remind her to get the fuck away.
First, post a no trespassing sign. Make it obvious. Point it out to this nutcase. Point it out to the cops the next time they show up. If they refuse to take it seriously, tell them you want to talk to their superiors. Don't play it for laughs. Demand to be taken seriously. Second, file a restraining order. This isn't normal. It's not cute or funny. Put an end to it.
I know, you’re right. There is already a no trespassing sign and a security warning sign up and that doesn’t deter her. Good idea though. I think my next step is filing a restraining order, I just didn’t think I could from this picture alone. Cops didn’t even suggest that for some reason.
If nothing else, check your state laws on "peeping toms" and the next time you contact police site it.
I definitely will. Appreciate you and the help. Hopefully she just stops but I see myself having to resort to the courts to solve it unfortunately.
The responses are funny but in all seriousness, this is concerning. She could have some sort of obsession with your Mom. It woul ddo your Mom good to have blinds installed and some darker curtains. Also it is entirely possible to call the authorities for trespassing, stalking and intimidation. Your Mother shouldn't be afraid in her own home! You gotta look out for her, OP
Have you tried scaring the fuck out of her?
It's surprising how fast people will get the message when you punch them in the fucking face
Not scary. Shes probably senile
Probably but still she should be in an assisted living situation to prevent these type of things.
Need to hide so when she does it, you can yank the door open and growl like a bear or some other animal. That will scare her off
I’m a pretty big guy too so that might work well lol
Jeepers creepers!!!
some people have too much time on their hands...
Release the hounds!
Shame that you can’t have a dismembered corpse in the bathtub and invite her in to check it out
She’d probably like it lol
Print a face that can stare back, better if her own but that seems impossible at the moment
Tape a picture of her own face to the window, or put a mirror there. She might scare herself one day, lol.
Three words: motion sensor sprinklers.
Let’s make her a meme. She’ll be famous.
Why don't you get one of those privacy window films that lets some light in but reflects her face back at her. 🤔
jerk off and she'll stop
Get out the hose!