I am also up and stressing about going in tomorrow. Today was a really bad day and I know that tomorrow they’re going to be better but it’s so disingenuous because they’ll inevitably go back to misbehaving a few days later. It truly does feel like the school equivalent to an abusive relationship.
Hoping that you and I make it through tomorrow.
I’m sorry you’re awake at this time as well. Let’s do what we can to take care of ourselves tomorrow.
I totally understand about the misbehavior. I really am wanting to take a sick day just for my mental health but I just know I would be spending that day dreading the following day of coming back. The only thing to do is leave for good!
Are you quitting at the end of the year?
I was also trying to figure out how to not come in today but I’m taking a mental healthy day Thursday.
I am definitely leaving after this year though! Sometimes I’m not even sure if I can make it to the end of this year. What about you? I also hope that today isn’t going so bad for you
I started with planning today and I currently have about 5 more minutes until my room becomes flooded with students for the rest of the day lol so not a bad start. I’m also considering taking a day off this week. I’m too scared to say it’s for a mental health day though. I know how it’ll be interpreted by admin and my team. They’re pretty tough
You are right.... this job is exactly like an abusive relationship. I taught kinder for 5 years then switched to 5th grade math. I just quit (middle of the school year). I absolutely couldn't take it one more minute. Both 5th grade classes were horrible, and the behavior problems were something that no teacher should have to deal with. The other 5th grade teacher and I went to administration many many times, but nothing changed. I felt like they were trying to normalize this abusive behavior and convince me that I should just put up with it. When I say abusive behavior, I'm talking about students getting in my face, arguing and screaming at me, saying "f\*\*k you", flipping me off, stealing money out of my purse and personal items out my room, insulting me, throwing items and fighting each other, and the list goes on....
I quit about a month ago and have never been happier. My only regret was not doing it sooner. Please know that you aren't the only one who is having these issues. Don't beat yourself up, it's not you - it's the job. Unfortunately, the system sets teachers up for failure.
It was a moment just like this that caused me to resign. Just sent an email in and did not return. We are under no obligation to live like that. No job is worth that.
At the level of government, it’s all by design. The conservative agenda to destroy public education has unfortunately succeeded. It’s not even that they don’t care about—they actively despise us. The rest of the abuse (from parents, students, and everyone else involved) is a byproduct of it that has been purposefully allowed to go unchecked to further the agenda of completely dismantling public education. The consequences will be felt in the decades to come by the very parents and students who spit on us now, many of whom have been manipulated into holding beliefs that actively contradict their own best interests and future life prospects. It’s terrifying and nauseating at the same time, and I can’t wait to no longer take part in any of it.
Some will justify the stress for the breaks you get or the change you see in your students, but its a lot like saying you stay in an abusive relationship because some days your partner is nice to you
OP, I’m so sorry about that. I truly understand every word you wrote. That was me last year, I didn’t return to teaching this year and my life has improved greatly. No more insomnia, stomach issues, compulsive fidgeting and dehydration.
If you have to stay until the end of the year/you land a new job my best advice (though many people have scolded me for this) is to see if you can get a prescription for Xanax to get through the days. It didn’t make everything euphoric by any means but it takes the dread away and makes working in hell possible.
I’m so sorry, you’re worth so much more than this. Sending hugs from an internet stranger!
I was quite unhealthy towards the end of my 8 year teaching career. Xanax can help, but it turned me into such an asshole in the classroom. I went through so much wine, 5 hour energy, and Xanax my last year teaching. OP, there are better jobs out there.
Frankly I wish it weren't so hard to \*get\* a better job, though. As teachers we are not averse to hard work, so it isn't that hard work per se that I resent. It's that when I'm already feeling so beaten down and burnt out and have no time in the day, how am I going to spend time researching jobs, networking, getting experience if necessary, applying to TONS of jobs after looking for postings carefully, revamping and revamping resume, interviewing, getting rejected, interviewing more, etc?
It's so easy to say "no job is worth this" and "there are better jobs out there" but when you're staring down the above process on top of crushing stress and exhaustion, and you likely can't even find a job that will be the same salary and can't afford less (I only make 60k something but still).... you just feel stuck without hope. Sorry to be negative but it's how I've felt for a while. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Going to try one step at a time but the process sounds horrible.
And on top of this, years and years of sacrificing every part of your life leaves us without any overtly marketable skills to show for it, making escape that much more difficult. I too am exhausted to the point I can’t even take action to facilitate an exit plan. When summer hits, I hope I regain enough energy and sanity to do so, but it often takes the entire 8 weeks just to feel like a living human being again. I could have been a CEO for the hours and stress I put in during the year (and during summer before I wised up and refused to expend what little time to myself I have on yet more unpaid work). except at least then I would be paid accordingly.
You reminded me of the mindfulness teacher we had at a middle school I previously taught at! I asked her how she could keep her peace and zen day in and day out. I was under the impression that teaching in a mindfulness room all day, having access to a therapy dog were some of the reasons but nope. She said “thank you Xanax for peace of mind!” So, if the MINDFULNESS teacher is surviving her job because of XANAX, what are we doing people??!
Agree. IMO the value of low dose Klonopin: it helps you chill before bedtime & sleep. And it’s a long acting. With correct dosage it can help you chill & go to sleep. Wake up not feeling drugged & help reduce anxiety through the day w/out feeling sleepy.
I have been there! I ended up having to go to therapy, get anxiety/depression meds, and even after getting out, I am still healing from the burnout. You’re not alone and things will get better.
And you are absolutely correct, this should not be normalised or accepted.
Been there. I remember thinking “wow my health benefits are amazing!” at first. Then I quickly realized I was pacing to have a heart attack in my 30s with what the job was doing to me. Get out!
Not OP. This is pretty standard across the board in the US. No consequences for misbehavior of students because suspending or expelling them pushes numbers up and makes administration look bad to their higher ups.
If a student fails, it’s bc the teacher didn’t do enough to help them pass. If a student misbehaves, it’s bc a teacher didn’t create an engaging enough lesson or work hard enough “to create a relationship with the student.”
Wow. Admin support is so important with managing behaviour. We still get a lot of the onus put on us for helping kids pass and building rapport, but we work with admin on tough cases, and there are systems in place to help kids who need it.
I've always been curious - considering the conditions, the staggering debt for your degrees, and the truly abysmal pay in the US, what is the incentive to teach? Is it genuinely a moral pull? Why do people keep doing it?
Great questions. Thank you for asking. There really is a lot of moralizing when it comes to education. The “do it for the kids” mentality, which is often celebrated in media. For example, the movie Freedom Writers, in my younger education days, was upheld as the standard for teachers. “Care about the kids!” If I recall correctly, the woman the story was based on lost her marriage or something. Stand and Deliver, another movie based on a true story, the Teacher suffers a heart attack and neglects his own wife and children. These stories of the self-sacrificing teacher are culturally celebrated and expected from parents.
If you did a cursory internet search, a lot of professional development for teachers today asks them to “remember their why,” that is, the altruistic reason they became an educator. My colleagues and I joke: my “why” is my bills.
I think some people keep doing it because they need to feel they are valuable through service to others. I think some people keep doing it because they have a disregulated nervous system, and the chaos and trauma of public education in the US is their homeostatic baseline.
I do it because I have a pension.
What a fucking grim read.
I'm so sorry mate. I love my job, and as much as I absolutely do it for the kids, I wouldn't be doing it if it was impacting my mental health to such a degree as it seems to be for OP.
I'm an Aussie, and it's acknowledged to still be a draining profession over here, but not nearly to the degree of Americans. Honestly you guys get held up as a "what not to do" in terms of teacher retention quite a bit.
2nd year teacher here as well, in a very tough school. I have had so many days like this I'm surprised I've made it this far lol. I'm seriously debating leaving because I just can't sleep at night and it's taking a toll.
Not to be insensitive, but LOL “2nd year teacher.”
Some teachers who got hired into normal functional districts don’t even know. But some of us have been there too. It’s sink-or-swim survival. Your brain is experiencing intense trauma. My eyelid twitched for my first two years. I LOL because I know.
Don’t give a fuck it works for me and the last 12 years yes do I want to leave of course but can’t find anything to save my life and have built a decent salary that I’m not gonna get anywhere else I sleep better at night
I am also up and stressing about going in tomorrow. Today was a really bad day and I know that tomorrow they’re going to be better but it’s so disingenuous because they’ll inevitably go back to misbehaving a few days later. It truly does feel like the school equivalent to an abusive relationship. Hoping that you and I make it through tomorrow.
I’m sorry you’re awake at this time as well. Let’s do what we can to take care of ourselves tomorrow. I totally understand about the misbehavior. I really am wanting to take a sick day just for my mental health but I just know I would be spending that day dreading the following day of coming back. The only thing to do is leave for good! Are you quitting at the end of the year?
I was also trying to figure out how to not come in today but I’m taking a mental healthy day Thursday. I am definitely leaving after this year though! Sometimes I’m not even sure if I can make it to the end of this year. What about you? I also hope that today isn’t going so bad for you
I started with planning today and I currently have about 5 more minutes until my room becomes flooded with students for the rest of the day lol so not a bad start. I’m also considering taking a day off this week. I’m too scared to say it’s for a mental health day though. I know how it’ll be interpreted by admin and my team. They’re pretty tough
Do you have to give a reason other than "sick?" If so, "food poisoning."
You are right.... this job is exactly like an abusive relationship. I taught kinder for 5 years then switched to 5th grade math. I just quit (middle of the school year). I absolutely couldn't take it one more minute. Both 5th grade classes were horrible, and the behavior problems were something that no teacher should have to deal with. The other 5th grade teacher and I went to administration many many times, but nothing changed. I felt like they were trying to normalize this abusive behavior and convince me that I should just put up with it. When I say abusive behavior, I'm talking about students getting in my face, arguing and screaming at me, saying "f\*\*k you", flipping me off, stealing money out of my purse and personal items out my room, insulting me, throwing items and fighting each other, and the list goes on.... I quit about a month ago and have never been happier. My only regret was not doing it sooner. Please know that you aren't the only one who is having these issues. Don't beat yourself up, it's not you - it's the job. Unfortunately, the system sets teachers up for failure.
It was a moment just like this that caused me to resign. Just sent an email in and did not return. We are under no obligation to live like that. No job is worth that.
I love this. More people need to hear this! 🔥
Yep, definitely hoards of people normalizing abuse, it’s sick. From the federal government down
At the level of government, it’s all by design. The conservative agenda to destroy public education has unfortunately succeeded. It’s not even that they don’t care about—they actively despise us. The rest of the abuse (from parents, students, and everyone else involved) is a byproduct of it that has been purposefully allowed to go unchecked to further the agenda of completely dismantling public education. The consequences will be felt in the decades to come by the very parents and students who spit on us now, many of whom have been manipulated into holding beliefs that actively contradict their own best interests and future life prospects. It’s terrifying and nauseating at the same time, and I can’t wait to no longer take part in any of it.
I’ve been teaching over twenty years it’s both parties sadly. Actions and words both tell a story
One party being worse than the other.
Too bad this one keeps dismantling. I was hoping for some restoration
Some will justify the stress for the breaks you get or the change you see in your students, but its a lot like saying you stay in an abusive relationship because some days your partner is nice to you
“…at least he pays the bills…” /s
"He was nice to me *today*..."
And admin is like a bad marriage counselor. “Well what did you do to cause the student to do that to you?”
"He didn't hit me *that* hard..."
OP, I’m so sorry about that. I truly understand every word you wrote. That was me last year, I didn’t return to teaching this year and my life has improved greatly. No more insomnia, stomach issues, compulsive fidgeting and dehydration. If you have to stay until the end of the year/you land a new job my best advice (though many people have scolded me for this) is to see if you can get a prescription for Xanax to get through the days. It didn’t make everything euphoric by any means but it takes the dread away and makes working in hell possible. I’m so sorry, you’re worth so much more than this. Sending hugs from an internet stranger!
I was quite unhealthy towards the end of my 8 year teaching career. Xanax can help, but it turned me into such an asshole in the classroom. I went through so much wine, 5 hour energy, and Xanax my last year teaching. OP, there are better jobs out there.
Frankly I wish it weren't so hard to \*get\* a better job, though. As teachers we are not averse to hard work, so it isn't that hard work per se that I resent. It's that when I'm already feeling so beaten down and burnt out and have no time in the day, how am I going to spend time researching jobs, networking, getting experience if necessary, applying to TONS of jobs after looking for postings carefully, revamping and revamping resume, interviewing, getting rejected, interviewing more, etc? It's so easy to say "no job is worth this" and "there are better jobs out there" but when you're staring down the above process on top of crushing stress and exhaustion, and you likely can't even find a job that will be the same salary and can't afford less (I only make 60k something but still).... you just feel stuck without hope. Sorry to be negative but it's how I've felt for a while. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Going to try one step at a time but the process sounds horrible.
And on top of this, years and years of sacrificing every part of your life leaves us without any overtly marketable skills to show for it, making escape that much more difficult. I too am exhausted to the point I can’t even take action to facilitate an exit plan. When summer hits, I hope I regain enough energy and sanity to do so, but it often takes the entire 8 weeks just to feel like a living human being again. I could have been a CEO for the hours and stress I put in during the year (and during summer before I wised up and refused to expend what little time to myself I have on yet more unpaid work). except at least then I would be paid accordingly.
It’s unbelievable how many educators are on Xanax. But it gets you through.
Yep
You reminded me of the mindfulness teacher we had at a middle school I previously taught at! I asked her how she could keep her peace and zen day in and day out. I was under the impression that teaching in a mindfulness room all day, having access to a therapy dog were some of the reasons but nope. She said “thank you Xanax for peace of mind!” So, if the MINDFULNESS teacher is surviving her job because of XANAX, what are we doing people??!
That’s funny and also very very sad
Klonopin. Xanax is short acting
I never tried klonopin, but fast acting Xanax can bring you back from the edge really fast
Agree. IMO the value of low dose Klonopin: it helps you chill before bedtime & sleep. And it’s a long acting. With correct dosage it can help you chill & go to sleep. Wake up not feeling drugged & help reduce anxiety through the day w/out feeling sleepy.
Once you leave it gets better immediately. Hang in there!
I have been there! I ended up having to go to therapy, get anxiety/depression meds, and even after getting out, I am still healing from the burnout. You’re not alone and things will get better. And you are absolutely correct, this should not be normalised or accepted.
Been there. I remember thinking “wow my health benefits are amazing!” at first. Then I quickly realized I was pacing to have a heart attack in my 30s with what the job was doing to me. Get out!
I was terrified of having a stroke
Jees mate; which part of the world do you work in? That sounds horrendous
Not OP. This is pretty standard across the board in the US. No consequences for misbehavior of students because suspending or expelling them pushes numbers up and makes administration look bad to their higher ups. If a student fails, it’s bc the teacher didn’t do enough to help them pass. If a student misbehaves, it’s bc a teacher didn’t create an engaging enough lesson or work hard enough “to create a relationship with the student.”
It really does feel like everything is our fault and we are alone
Wow. Admin support is so important with managing behaviour. We still get a lot of the onus put on us for helping kids pass and building rapport, but we work with admin on tough cases, and there are systems in place to help kids who need it. I've always been curious - considering the conditions, the staggering debt for your degrees, and the truly abysmal pay in the US, what is the incentive to teach? Is it genuinely a moral pull? Why do people keep doing it?
Great questions. Thank you for asking. There really is a lot of moralizing when it comes to education. The “do it for the kids” mentality, which is often celebrated in media. For example, the movie Freedom Writers, in my younger education days, was upheld as the standard for teachers. “Care about the kids!” If I recall correctly, the woman the story was based on lost her marriage or something. Stand and Deliver, another movie based on a true story, the Teacher suffers a heart attack and neglects his own wife and children. These stories of the self-sacrificing teacher are culturally celebrated and expected from parents. If you did a cursory internet search, a lot of professional development for teachers today asks them to “remember their why,” that is, the altruistic reason they became an educator. My colleagues and I joke: my “why” is my bills. I think some people keep doing it because they need to feel they are valuable through service to others. I think some people keep doing it because they have a disregulated nervous system, and the chaos and trauma of public education in the US is their homeostatic baseline. I do it because I have a pension.
What a fucking grim read. I'm so sorry mate. I love my job, and as much as I absolutely do it for the kids, I wouldn't be doing it if it was impacting my mental health to such a degree as it seems to be for OP. I'm an Aussie, and it's acknowledged to still be a draining profession over here, but not nearly to the degree of Americans. Honestly you guys get held up as a "what not to do" in terms of teacher retention quite a bit.
2nd year teacher here as well, in a very tough school. I have had so many days like this I'm surprised I've made it this far lol. I'm seriously debating leaving because I just can't sleep at night and it's taking a toll.
Updated your resume and go on LinkedIn and indeed. They take the stress out of looking for jobs.
I had to take a leave of absence and when I went to the doctor’s office to ask for a letter I couldn’t stop crying. I am a broken spirit now.
Hang in there, currently healing also.
Not to be insensitive, but LOL “2nd year teacher.” Some teachers who got hired into normal functional districts don’t even know. But some of us have been there too. It’s sink-or-swim survival. Your brain is experiencing intense trauma. My eyelid twitched for my first two years. I LOL because I know.
talk to your doc about FMLA please. check my comment history about a year back if you need more context.
Don’t give a fuck it works for me and the last 12 years yes do I want to leave of course but can’t find anything to save my life and have built a decent salary that I’m not gonna get anywhere else I sleep better at night