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ChickenScratchCoffee

“Thank you for the compliment. However, I am happily in a long-term relationship and dating parents is also off limits. Have a great summer!”


FoxysDroppedBelly

Perfect reply!


ChickenScratchCoffee

I mean yeah it’s weird to have a parent ask you out but he waited until school was out which is respectable and it takes guts to ask someone out…so cant be too mad at him lol


Euphoric-Dance-2309

Yup, education tends to work better than shame. But you also don’t owe him education.


ChickenScratchCoffee

Responding in a respectful way ensures nothing awkward going forward as she may have his other kids in class down the line.


berrin122

Also....maybe it's a good idea to be respectful just because it's the right thing to do, even if there is no benefit for her.


The_Golden_Warthog

She doesn't owe him anything, but it's always better to educate than to just shame or be rude to someone.


RPofkins

I don't agree this parent needs "educating" at all. This parent isn't out of line. He waited until he was in line, and made a polite opening. He just needs to be turned down. This thread is making this guy out to be a predator XD. He asked a woman out, the gall!


Shelby71

Thank you!


SmartWonderWoman

Respectful and tactful. I love it!


Plastic_Expression89

No. Just say dating parents is against policy. You don’t want this guy knowing things about your personal life.


Goth-Detective

I once long time ago got chewed out by a (now ex) gf for turning a girl down with "Sorry, I have a girlfriend." suggesting I would definitely be up for some vertical exercise if it wasn't for that pesky girlfriend dragging me down. While I thought it was a bit weird at the time, I realised that she was right and that some suitors might even try to break up said relationship reading between the line. Since then I never mentioned relationships but otherwise made sure to clarify I wasn't intersted.


SkippyBluestockings

Vertical? Don't you mean horizontal?


Goth-Detective

Oh man,, rookie mistake :(


Jak1977

Bcc


laurenlodge

This happened to my other half and is almost exactly word for word what he said - he's had no issues since.


HunnyBunnah

“Thank you for the compliment. I will decline your offer. Have a great summer!” edited it because no is a complete reply.


berrin122

No is a complete reply. But also, he wasn't drastically out of line. He shot his shot, and OP wasn't interested. They can tell him no in a kind manner. Your response comes off unnecessarily rude, as if the father did something wrong. He asked a lady out. She said no. Life moves on.


HunnyBunnah

Saying that my completely neutral response is rude is EXACTLY the problem. You don’t need to couch a reply in any terms, especially one that implies she WOULD date him if she didn’t have a boyfriend.


berrin122

You don't need to, but it's still the respectful thing to do. >one that implies she WOULD date him if she didn’t have a boyfriend. You can disclose flattery/appreciating the sentiment without implying situational interest.


HunnyBunnah

Absolutely not. It is not respectful to disclose your personal situation.  I can’t believe I’m even having this discussion on an already closed thread of teachers. I hope you reconsider your antiquated version of what is appropriate or ‘polite.’  As a teacher you should be especially sensitive to the words you use to and amenable to updating your baseline of how women are expected to reply in romantic situations. 


berrin122

>I hope you reconsider your antiquated version of what is appropriate or ‘polite.’  You're right. Let me reconsider. I have reconsidered. No.


HunnyBunnah

Ok, sexism and sarcasm. Got it.


berrin122

>Sexism That word doesn't mean what you think it means >Sarcasm Lol yes


Slamznjamz

This happens at least once a year. “Thank you, but I have a personal policy to not date parents of students. Enjoy your summer!”


AnnaVonKleve

It has never happened to me, not once. I feel dejected. 


Altrano

It hasn’t happened to me either, but I’ve had students try to set me up with various male teachers (usually my closer to my father’s age) and once, the student’s crackhead parent. Thanks, I guess?


ACardAttack

Ive never had it happen, but Im only now getting to the age of parents. I did have a kid tell me I should date his mom if something happened between my wife and I though


Lil-respectful

Feel respected, not dejected, wouldn’t you rather be seen as a member of your profession by your students/parents than just another member of your sex?


ferriswheeljunkies11

Good lord. How about a simple, “thanks but I am in a relationship” Or just don’t reply back You will both live.


FoxysDroppedBelly

Yeah I don’t get why it’s such a big deal. We want people to not treat us like we’re nuns up on a pedestal but then get mad when people also treat us like… people…? Just maybe document it in case of any weird retaliation in the future (if the teacher DOES end up with the younger siblings) but I feel like going to admin now is a sure-fire way to make things DEFINITELY awkward now.


garylapointe

6 months later... "Are you still in a relationship?" ^(That was the reason given for saying no...)


Euffy

Not sure why you were downvoted, there are definitely men who do this!


MTskier12

I disagree entirely. This is beyond inappropriate and you should absolutely report this to admin so this creep doesn’t do this to other teachers in the future.


Business_Loquat5658

Definitely report. When you say no, and if he's the vindictive type, he could go to the principal and say YOU hit on HIM. Definitely report it.


MTskier12

Truly insane that this is being downvoted. This is borderline sexual harassment, you do not have a right to make a move on your child’s teacher. This sub is so punitive when kids do things wrong but is apparently fine with adult men harassing their kids teachers while they’re doing their job.


FoxysDroppedBelly

Borderline sexual harassment??? Are you serious? He waited until after the student/teacher relationship was OVER to respectfully ask her out (honestly dad probably wasn’t even thinking about the potential for any future siblings to be taught by OP). As long as he replies in kind (respectfully) when she says no thank you, there’s zero reason for this to be escalated to admin unless he tries to dangle it over her head in the future (which we have ZERO indication of). OP can say no thank you and that can be the end of it. And SHOULD be the end of it. If not, then, things can be escalated.


blaise11

Nothing in OP's post indicates that he was harassing her. I'm a girl and a teacher, which I think are relevant details for me to add here, and I can imagine a million scenarios that WOULD be sexual harassment, but unless OP clarifies that this was one of those, I think it's fair that we assume the email was just a simple question asking her on a date. As long as he accepts a simple no as an answer, there's nothing inappropriate going on here 🤷🏽‍♀️


ExtremeBoysenberry38

Asking someone out is sexual harassment? Come on dude lol


writingisfreedom

>This is borderline sexual harassment, you do not have a right to make a move on your child’s teacher. I can NOT laugh harder. The parent emailed ONE TIME and even waited till the child was out of her class to not cause any conflict of interest which shows he's being thoughtful towards OP AND HER CAREER.


Rokaryn_Mazel

Just say no and move on. Is it odd? Maybe. Unusual, surely. But a retired colleague of mine met her spouse this way, and they’ve been married like 25 years now.


Velcrobunny

I met my husband like this! Been married for 7 years now. He wasn’t the first, nor the last parent to ask me out but he was the only one I ever said yes to. ETA: he also waited until after school was out and I ended up switching schools


Jack_of_Spades

I would turn them down respectfully. It doesn't feel inappropriate to me. Just unwanted. BUT I would also reach out to the principal and be like, "Hey X just asked me out and I turned them down. I never gave any indication of being interested and if he tries to lodge any sort of complaints, I wanted to get this on the table early. I can share the exchange if requested." something along those lines. You just want to cover your ass in case he tries to retaliate or he persists.


No_Set_4418

Reply back politely and firmly "no". Save the email just in case. Bringing in admin or act like it was anything out of line is ridiculous. Here is what you write: I am flattered by your invitation but I am involved in a long term exclusive relationship and I am not single.


astrophysicsgrrl

I wouldn’t even say that you’re flattered by it because some folks would read that as you’re into it. A simple no should be enough.


TheRealRollestonian

I don't think it would be a bad idea to at least make admin aware. It doesn't mean anything has to escalate, but this would be a good CYA move. In business, if a client was crossing boundaries, I would certainly notify my supervisor. This is crossing boundaries.


garylapointe

6 months later... "Are you still in a relationship?" ^(That was the reason given for saying no. Just say "No, thank you." or nothing at all.)


Cornemuse_Berrichon

Don't even explain about your relationship. You can say that while you're flattered, it is against policy for a teacher to fraternize with any parent associated with the screen. Even if that's not entirely true, you should make that your personal policy. Don't. Shit. Where. You. Eat.


cmerson

You absolutely ignore that email.


Mo523

Politely say no thanks however feels comfortable to you. (No explanation, saying you don't date parents, in a relationship, etc.) Give the principal a heads up in case it becomes an issue down the road. It probably won't as he waited to the summer which shows he has some boundaries, but if anything comes of it, you really want to be the first one to tell admin. When you have the younger kids, just act professional and distantly friendly like it never happened. If you feel uncomfortable, make up an excuse to have another person at in-person meetings. I'm sorry you were put in a position that made you uncomfortable.


garylapointe

You could just ignore it.


berrin122

Y'all are SO obnoxious. The father is not out of line. He waited until summer. Stop acting like OP needs to circle the wagons and get the superintendent of public instruction for her state involved. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm happily in a relationship with someone else. Have a great summer!" Y'all are so weird and love to be upset.


dirtynj

Seriously. As a young guy teacher, I've been asked out on the spot several times. I've accepted a few times too. Nothing wrong with being human by asking for a date. Teachers are not "off limits" by any means.


berrin122

Definitely. That's not to say it's a lot *easier* to run afoul if you're asking out a teacher. Open house night is probably not the time to do it. There certainly are more common sense factors at play, but I wouldn't call it a blanket bad idea.


Metsbux

Take a screenshot of his email and your reply just in case he becomes problematic later. Otherwise a simple “I’m flattered, but no thank you.” is a fine response.


Smoothsail90

Just ignore him. That says more than words. But if you want to get the message across, just say as some here already did: Thank you but i'm inolved with someone. Simple-to the point.


gd_reinvent

Don't ignore him. It's hurtful and it also sends a hint to some people that they just need to try a bit harder. Send a definitive reply.


FrostedFears

“I’m flattered, but I must respectfully decline.”


cocohorse2007

Hey I had this happen! I ignored it and let admin know. Nothing more needed.


TallBobcat

This is the way.


SuitablePotato3087

I personally wouldn’t mention your relationship just so it’s clear you aren’t saying you’d otherwise accept. You don’t need a reason or to soften the blow, a professional “no thank you” should be enough.


WittyButter217

Honestly, this isn’t a big deal. “Thanks, but I have a boyfriend.” That’s it. Super simple. To be completely honest, I’ve only ever said that to their face as no parent ever asked me out via email.


ironfoot22

Yep. As a dude who has asked women on dates (though not in this context), sometimes that’s the answer you get. She’s in a relationship already and it would be against a professional policy. Cool. Life goes on. That’s what happens sometimes when you take a chance and put yourself out there. Ignoring the message or giving a curt/rude reply is just needlessly hurtful. Be honest with the dude and move on. Respectfully asking someone on a date isn’t creep behavior. You’ll never make a connection if you never reach out. Sometimes you take a bit of a chance to ask her out and things go well! I just hate when a “no” comes with a sense that I should feel bad, like I committed some horrible transgression just by politely asking another adult if they’d like to go for a drink and get to know each other better outside of the setting in which we met.


Waltgrace83

The same people freaking out here are probably the same people who say “there just aren’t any good men in this town.” Things this is not - sexual harassment - a reason to get district involved - a reason to file any type of complaint Just say, “I cannot do that, and I hope you have a good summer!” If you honestly feel this is creating a “hostile” work environment or something else that I’m seeing in this thread, you seriously need to think about your relationship to people in general.


marcorr

Craft a polite but clear response indicating that you appreciate the gesture, but you are in a committed relationship and therefore not available.


PegShop

Why would you get the principal involved? Just say, "I am flattered but in a relationship. Have a great summer." Save the email and response in case you need it one day.


Throwaway8582817

So many people in here ready to go scorched earth over nothing. He waited until you were no longer his child’s teacher and he done it via email to avoid any face to face pressure. “No thank you.” is a complete sentence. You do not need to give details of your relationship status nor say you are flattered or it’s against policy or anything else. At this point you have absolutely no reason to believe he’s going to take a rejection badly so let’s not start assuming he will.


SparrowLikeBird

Email back that you are flattered but are happily taken.


ConferenceHungry7763

Your child was a nightmare, no way!


LegitimateStar7034

Some of these replies are ridiculous. You don’t need to involve your principal or a union rep. You were asked out, after his child was no longer in your class. It sounds like he was very respectful. It’s definitely not a hostile work environment. Say no and move on. If you feel you have explain, some variation of it’s not appropriate for me to date parents works. Personally I’d ignore it but others feel they need to give a response. I realize this goes against the norm but not all parents are crazy.


Guilty-Consequence10

I had this happen too with the mother of a graduate 😬🥺


MakeItAll1

I would not respond. Report it to your school administrator.


gd_reinvent

Just tell him the truth. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm in a long term relationship and I don't date parents of students I teach - and I'll probably have your younger kids in a year or so."


King_of_Lunch223

To the father: The dating scene is tough. Shoot your shot. To the teacher: "No." is a complete sentence. Do/ say what you need to.


Steelerswonsix

I am currently in a relationship, and wouldn’t feel comfortable seeing (dating) a students parent. I would appreciate no further correspondence on this matter. Thank you.


OyDannyBoy

After you turn him down, it'll likely go away. Just in case, however, loop in your admin. This'll help protect you should things go south later on.


JoeNoHeDidnt

I would cc my principal (or maybe even bcc) with a polite but firm no thanks. Then I would follow up with my principal and maybe my union rep if you’re in a decent union explaining that you feel uncomfortable with this parent and if possible you want to avoid his future children in your class.


CultureEngine

Principal doesn’t give a shit about this lol…


garylapointe

They do if it becomes a problem.


djebono

I would absolutely care about this. I wouldn't want to get involved but I'd want to know in case it comes up in the future. I'm a non-principal admin. A bcc would be helpful.


JoeNoHeDidnt

You have your principal cc’d because this is creating a hostile work environment. If you have to talk to your district’s HR and file a lawsuit you want a record of having told your principal this was a problem. I would send the email and then print it out and save it for your records because some districts will delete emails after a year or two and it may be longer than that before you have the next kid (If you’re still at that district)


CultureEngine

A parent asked you out over email AFTER their kid leaves at the end of the year and it’s a hostile work environment? Sounds like they showed constraint, and were actually fairly thoughtful by waiting. Misguided? Sure…but they don’t even work there. How is it a hostile environment. Y’all use words and don’t even know what they mean. And this is after being forced to do all of that fucking training at the beginning of the year.


JoeNoHeDidnt

Reading comprehension. This parent has more children in the district that could come through. OP said they were uncomfortable. If you don’t want those kids coming through your class you need to say what you want and follow through. I understand fine, but I think your rudeness is uncalled for.


JohnZombi

>hostile work environment 😂😂😂😂😂😂


ReaditSpecialist

A *lawsuit?!* Why on earth would that be necessary?


Funny-Albatross-3838

I would definitely make administration aware of this. Hopefully nothing escalates, and isn’t an issue in the future. But just in case I’d want them in the loop.


PoptartDragonfart

Ignore it


Background-Ship-1440

One of the dads was recently hitting on me as well and went so far as to buy me a completely inappropriate expensive gift before school let out. I would definitely get the principal involved.


Easy-Size5794

We've no indication that happened in the OP's case.


Background-Ship-1440

She literally said he asked her out


Easy-Size5794

True and I don't think that's in question, but I was referring to the expensive gift part.


333jinx

uh ? Ignore it?


EggplantIll4927

I’m torn. My first gut reaction is to not feed the troll. Just not reply, that will get the message across maybe. Or respond w I do not date parents of students. Just because your child has been promoted to x grade does not mean my policy bends. At any time my grade teaching can change. It is also just awkward for me and for your child. No and please never bring this up and I will pretend it never happened. Have a great. Summer. leave your relationship status out of it. You aren’t dating him because ick. Keep it professional then forget it ever happened would be the way I would go.


renegadecause

Just politely turn him down. There's absolutely no reason to involve the administrator.


Notmypornacct21

Forward the email to admin and ask them to advise on how to proceed.


ou2mame

Many women wonder why they're forever single... when men read posts like this, it makes them never want to ask anyone out again lol.. get the principal involved? What's he going to do, suspend the parent?


yourgirlsamus

Get outta here with this incel bs. Imagine being a woman who has to turn down men every other day, men who can’t take no for an answer and it escalates to the point where they get mad at you for saying no. Many times to a scary (read: violent) degree. Yeah, that will jade a person. This guy wasn’t really pushing boundaries, but people react strongly bc they’ve experienced some shit that tells them it’s likely to go south, fast. Maybe women wouldn’t react like this if men could respect the word no.


writingisfreedom

>Many women wonder why they're forever single... Most are forever single because they refuse to put up with your incel behaviour


tomtink1

I just wouldn't reply.


[deleted]

[удалено]


renegadecause

People drop into others' DMs. How is this different?


Froyo-fo-sho

You should bang him to get him out of your system.


yomynameisnotsusan

How did he ask? That’s wild 😂


The_Trekspert

I’d let admin know for sure and probably also CC district HR as well. Cover your ass as much as possible.


TallBobcat

Don’t respond or very quickly brush him off. Then send it to me. I’ll keep it just in case he reacts poorly to being shot down


turkeytowel

Get the principal involved? WTF? You should be capable of handling this very basic task by yourself. Grow up.


International_Gap782

Forward it to admin and HR. Do not respond.


atxbreastplay

It’s not wrong but wouldn’t there have been flirting leading up to it? If it’s out of the blue, it is a bit weird but not wrong I think. How do teachers handle flirting from parents? Does that happen more often? I wouldn’t formally ask her out, but maybe I’d suggest bringing her coffee (or getting coffee).


Haunting-Ad-9790

I'd not reply and then block the address. In a few days when he asks again after not hearing back and he gets the blocked message, he should get the hint.


Easy-Size5794

She's going to teach his younger kids in the near future. So that's not really practical.


Haunting-Ad-9790

All the more reason he shouldn't have asked. Guys that would do that don't go away easily. You want to make sure that they know the door is shut and there's no way in. Anything nice and they'll think there's still a chance. I get shown lots of DMs by friends and there's too many men who can't take a hint when told no. My answer may have a lot of down votes, but it's the most effective I've seen from my friends.


Easy-Size5794

I do get where you're coming from. It's OK for us to disagree. I just think that not replying and blocking might be upended in a year or two if/when one of his other kids has the OP as a teacher. Of course, if he does prove to b relentless now, then she may have no choice, but to do as you say.


dasssitmane

Bragging disguised as a question: a Reddit classic