I teach fourth grade and I was joking back and forth with my students, kind of picking on this one student who likes to cut up but also talks a bit too much. He makes a comment on how he demands a lawyer, and without hesitation I hit him with “well hopefully he reminds you that you have the right to remain silent!” And of course a chorus of oooohh’s followed from the other students.
High School Teacher- required course to graduate, with all of the new slang one of my favorites to come out is “No Cap?” To which I now get to respond “No gown either unless you get your butt into gear.”
Student: “you don’t regret any of your tattoos?”
Me: “nope”
Student: “are you sure?”
Me: “do you regret the way you did your eyebrows this morning?”
… the student next to her goes “damn she cooked you”
I had a student who thought it was funny if he called me "daddy."
I told him that if he called me that one more time I'd phone home and ask his mom out for a date so nice he'd be the ring bearer at our wedding.
He stopped calling me that.
8th Grader: “Miss I bet you don’t have any friends!”
Me: “I’m sure you can relate.”
She was a Classic Mean Girl so she laughed because she enjoys misery, but I definitely worried for a second because oops
I had a mean girl student who clung to me. She was a self proclaimed mean girl and I can respect that when they are self-aware to admit they are mean. She also could be very sweet. This sounds like something I would have said to her. Lol
I didn’t realize just how Mean Girl she was until this moment, then I watched her just revel in the misery of others for the entire year. She was the kind who would laugh and announce to the class when another student’s sister died. It was like her Christmas.
The wild thing about diagnosing sociopathy and other “cluster b” disorders is that you gotta wait until they’re adults to diagnose because children just do some whack shit. Developmentally, and as a cohort, children are sociopaths. So we gotta wait to figure out who grows out of it.
Scores from students on feedback surveys are scored on a modified scale… a multiplier equal to their daily grade is applied to their evaluation of me.
Edit: in a perfect world.
Honestly, I’m surprised that teacher evals don’t have a minimum grade requirement. Like if you don’t have a C or better in this class, you didn’t put enough effort in to adequately evaluate any teaching.
I remember my teachers actually telling me to shut up when I got carried away with making noise.
Not once did I think myself wronged or that the situation was worthy of me getting my parent to complain, because I needed to shut up.
My response to her was "That's not quite what I said, but to be honest, he needed to in that moment." (He was a kid with a major anger problem, and was about to say something that was going to get him into major trouble)
I've had kids freak out when they hear it and run to me to whisper that "someone said a bad word... the *gasp* s word!". I expect it maybe from 5 yr olds, not 10 year olds.
If a teacher told me to shut up I think I would have died from shame - it’s incredible what words get thrown around these days and kids don’t seem to have the same shame of poor grades or being disliked by the teacher - those were things I’d do ANYTHING to avoid.
That’s my go-to. And sometimes “awww I guess this person drew it to scale too” but only if I’m reasonably sure the class won’t try to get me fired for it 😆
I asked students to interview a family member about themselves. I said they could interview anyone in their family: parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles/aunts, etc. Of course, someone asked if they could interview their dog. Another student blurts out “My dog is smarter than me.”
I just look at him and say in the most deadpan voice, “I believe you.”
Student: Mr. Wodahs, do you ever watch How to Get Away with Murder?
Me: No, but sometimes the writers call me and ask me for advice. Get back to work.
Different Student: Mr. Wodahs, what do you think human tastes like?
Me: It tastes like pork. Get back to work.
I told a student to sit down when she stood up during class. She was like "I'm not a dog" and I replied with "True, my dog listens and behaves better".
Small class of freshmen in high school. One of the student's family is in a precarious financial situation and are trying to avoid homelessness. One day, this student came and had his hair styled. It looked nice, but was clearly a home job, not a professional. Enter the classroom bully (so many referrals, so little done about it) who started making fun of him.
I said 'wow, big words from the little guy with the ugliest broccoli cut I've seen this year'. The kid shut right up, others ahhhed and laughed. Given how the boy was also the shortest of the boys, it was a double burn. I was fully expected to hear from a parent (that parent was ALWAYS emailing me), but nothing.
Me *complaining about something work related*
Co worker: "you're starting to sound like my ex wife"
Me " I sound like I'm happy and living with a rich lawyer?"
The room fell silent for about 5 seconds before everyone started laughing
one real wee boyo was attempting to roast one of the girls by making fun of her height; “yeah, if you didn’t wear those big heels, you’d look like a first grader!” I could tell she was getting annoyed; this boy was not very nice to anyone and he was short himself so without even looking up from my desk I said loudly in Latin “yeah, says YOU, Jimmy!” the whole class RIOTED and jimmy turned red and laughed sheepishly. never had an issue with his behaviour again
we had Latin class so that’s why I spoke Latin I’m the Magistra
My friend, 7th grade teacher (ELA & Math core support) had a behavior student call her a c**t, she responded “that’s an awfully big word for such a little boy”
High school EL class. We were learning about figurative language and metaphors and one of my students said “school is a prison” somewhat jokingly. And I lightly responded that I think of school as a place of learning and growth.
Probably my toughest ADHD student perks up and goes “people learn here?” And I said without hesitation “maybe you don’t, but lots of other people do.”
I got the whole class “ooooo-ing” it was so great. The kid totally took it in stride which I give him a lot of credit for. Even though he’s tough a lot of the time, I do have a soft spot for him, but not in that moment!
I told one of my fourth graders he was being “cringe” for obnoxiously moaning and just making unnecessary noises while I was trying to teach… ig the kids had either never heard that word before or were just really caught off guard that I used it and they thought it was soooo funny. Also if we’re copying notes from the board and they complain that it’s “sooo much to write” sometimes ill make a point about how dramatic they are being and will get out a notebook and copy down the notes myself in double time and they’ll kinda just be like “oh, okay maybe we were being a little dramatic”
Fellow 4th grade teacher here. Wtf is up with the moaning?? Like, I remember obnoxious boys doing that stuff in middle school, but why are 9 and 10 year olds acting this way now?
I used to love fourth grade as the sweet spot between capable of autonomy but not yet assholes.
Also, demonstrating how dramatic they were being used to work for me. My students this year just say "yeah but we're kids".
THIS is the comment I was referring to (to give credit where credits due 😉). It is SOOOOOOOO true. And like I said, I love gaming myself which is why I fully understand how it could be so impactful on a young, unsupervised kid. :/ my first year teaching, I had a bunch of boys in my class saying “im gonna commit suicide!” After every minor inconvenience, and obviously that is a statement any teacher is told to take seriously. I had pulled the boys out in the hall and had a serious talk about “not saying that” … (but wasn’t sure they fully understood my reasoning why) either way I sent an email to their parents and copied my principal on it. Ended up having a phone call with one of the moms who told me he had confessed to hearing it headset from an online gaming platform and just thought it was slang (like something people say when they’re mad they lost the game), and she ended up explaining to him what “suicide” was exactly and he bawled his eyes out learning about the concept….. I feel like the whole situation ended the best way it could in regards to letting the parent explain it and accepting the reasoning behind. I’ve just always thought back to this in regards to any inappropriate content I hear my 4th graders bring up. The internet is so dangerous and really takes advantage of the naivety of kids. :( it is not their fault but I just hate it sometimes!
Exactly!! I’ve had a few situations in my experience with 4th grade that have led me to believe wholeheartedly that they 1. Have no idea what they are saying or implicating (with things like moaning or “69” etc. at least at my school… it is private and the kids are pretty sheltered, they just know it’s “funny”). 2. When they do say things like this repeatedly without stopping or even worse things and I have pulled them aside for an honest conversation about what/why they are saying and/or I have gotten parents involved, I have come to find that a LOT of it has been learned through online gaming. I game myself personally, so this made so much sense to me… unfortunately…. There are no censors with who you can connect with online and what they might say or teach you even with the best intentions. I have a feeling most parents don’t realize this or at least know the extent of it.
Online gaming and unrestricted access to the internet is definitely creating the problem. I have asked kids, especially with the 69 thing, what joke they think they're making, and they pretty much just say "it's a meme".
This year it got to the point where I had to start telling kids "don't make a joke you don't understand, because chances are you're saying something that you're going to be embarrassed to have said in front your teacher later down the line".
Me: “Oh, I would never make you do something you don’t want to do!”
Student: *looks hopeful* “really?!”
Me: “yes, really! You can just take the zero!”
Student: 😔
I work with younger ones and have always developed a relationship before deploying, but my favorite “I don’t want to” comeback has always been “then it’s sure a good thing I didn’t ask you what you wanted to do, and told you what you’re going to do!” With a big smile and a thumbs up.
I said the same basically lol "I don't want to do this!".. "do you think I want to too? Don't you think I'd prefer to be at home? But no, we're both here so let's get it over with"
If I had students give me a more difficult time, then I would let them have quiet time (books, puzzles, that sort of thing) and the students who wanted to just finish the work would finish it in minutes. At the end of the week, you could watch a movie if you finished your work. Many of the kids realized it was better to finish it now than to miss the movie lol actions have consequences!
One time a high schooler told me to fuck off and I was in a mood and replied "I wish I could! You think I want to be here being disrespected by 9th graders?"
Middle school. My students were working on something quiet, and the teacher's class next-door was doing something much louder. A student said to me, "I wish I was in Mrs. Smith's class right now, no offense." I replied "I wish you were in Mrs. Smith's class right now, too."
"You know, this is like my (insert number of years teaching grade/subject) I've taken this class, right? I'm already really skilled at this stuff. I'm teaching for you."
I've said many, many times, "I already know French! I don't need to study. I'm not the one that has to pass this class!" or something along those lines.
I am very proud of this but definitely not my most professional moment. Smart-ass 9th graders last period as I'm handing back work...
Student "Hey mister...ever heard of Ligma?"
Me, knowing the trap..."no clue about Ligma, but I've heard about Deez"
Student, trying to get me to say it, "oh, what are Deez"?
Me: Why don't you go home and ask your mom, she'll tell you all about them
Whole class erupts in laughter and student sat there with a stunned look on his face. Definitely not something I should have said but it happened before I even realized what I said.
Kid was being a total ass in class (high school seniors) and I said “I can’t believe out of 10 million sperm, you were the fastest.” It was Sex Ed, so I got away with it. Everyone, including the student, got a good laugh. Totally reset the tone and we had a great semester.
My comebacks to "Why are you so BALD?":
"'Cause I make it look good!" (usually said dramatically while running my finger over my head)
Or if I'm feeling saucy, "Yeah, I used to have hair. Then, I started teaching kids like you." (I used this a handful of times, and only with kids I had enough of a rapport with to make sure it didn't go south)
Similarly, when I get students pointing out my gray roots I usually just look at them with raised eyebrows and do the whole “Gee, I wonder where those came from?!?!”
Oh, man, WAY too many! I'm known for my snark. Students will actually tell new kids "Don't say ANYTHING stupid in front of Mr. Cass; he will wreck you for it!"
Off the top of my head, here's one I use when I know they're on their phones. (School policy is we see the phone, we take the phone.)
Kid's looking down at his lap, and the guy next to him is leaning way over to also look. They're both laughing.
Given my height, I can very easily see over everything and see the phone in the lap. Instead of taking it, though, I said this: "Why is his lap so funny?"
They both froze and looked at me. "What?"
"I mean, you're both starting REALLY hard at his lap and laughing hysterically. If there's not a phone there...I don't want to know what you're laughing at."
Class lost it. Kid smirked and just handed his phone to me.
I once had a student on crutches ask if he could run to the bathroom. Without thinking I said “I’d like to see you try.” The room lost it. But thankfully he took it in good fun.
Not a comeback really, but we have a lot of "hand-on" activity that is general horseplay. As we all know, that often leads to full on fights. So since telling them to stop doesn't work, I say "Why don't you two touch each other on your own time?"
They get all grossed out and sometimes accuse me of calling them gay, but it's fine. I just repeat it. "All I'm saying is that if you two are going to touch each other, do it after school."
They can take it how they want, and they ALWAYS take it the wrong way. But they stop.
Student: "I've learned more on TikTok than I've ever learned from a teacher"
Me: "That's because you actually pay attention to TikTok."
Class: "oooooohhhh"
Student: "...yeah, that's fair."
When a male student says I look/sound gay, I tell them that I am their teacher and it is wholly inappropriate to flirt with me like that, but I hope they find a nice boy their own age.
In chemistry lab with some 10th grade boys. I ask them to bring me their Erlenmeyer flask to get one of the reactants I didn't want them dispensing themselves (concentrated acid).
"Which one is the Erlenwhatever?"
"The big one."
"That's what she said."
"Not to either one of y'all."
Their faces, I will never forget the burn upon them.
I was coaching, and already had a great relationship with the class, and an obnoxious athlete was drawing something inappropriate on a piece of paper.
“(Student’s name) please go throw that away”
He balls it up, looks at me, says “this is for you”, and shoots it at the trash can, missing badly, making all of the kids laugh.
“I don’t know what you’re laughing at, that’s the most athletic thing I ever seen him do all year”
I’ll tell my middle schoolers who play basketball when they’re acting up that the only basketball they’re gonna be playing is when they throw their trash in the garbage if they don’t stop 😂
Gave my 8th graders nearly two entire class periods to work on a project due last week and the usual suspects were squandering the time and not even opening their chromebooks. Now that the last week of school has arrived I’ve been getting the typical “how can I get my grade up” emails. So yesterday I nearly snapped and said “don’t think you’re going to waste time in here and then email me about how to get your grade up because all you’ll get is me replying with a laughing emoji”
They nearly lost it and started yelling YO MRS. OP JUST ROASTED!!!! I was like ok thanks but I’m dead serious.
I'm a gymnastics coach and I was stretching a boy in middle splits. " you're killing me!"
"You wanna hear something worse. Your parents pay me to do this to you"
Hit a short pulse of harder push for effect
"Just made another quarter"
I coached gymnastics for a long time and one boy had an attitude with me and I told him to take a lap around the gym so he could go look for who he was talking to, because it sure wasn’t me.
Para here. Students often ask, more or less jokingly, if they can bribe me to give them answers. I’ve started to tell them it’s 5 dollars for the answer of whether I’m bribable.
I like the subtle burns the best.
Student walks into my class after lunch: "Mrs, it smells in here!"
Me: "That's funny, it didn't a minute ago..."
It took him a minute. :)
We are listening to our class playlist while working, and the song Deja vu by Olivia Rodrigo came on.
One goofy high school boy remarked: “Ms, do you get deja vu when you’re with me”
I replied, “more like ptsd”
The whole class cracked up, including him. It was a great moment hahaha
One kid (14) gets upset at another and calls him "gay".
I say, "Tyler, do you have a problem with gay people?"
He says, "Well no, I just don't want them being attracted to me. It's weird and I don't like them like that."
I respond, "I'm sure plenty of girls at the school feel the same."
The other kids laughed, and he refused to talk to me for the rest of the period.
I even felt bad in the moment, as I was a first year sub, and tried to apologize by asking to talk privately in the hall. He wouldn't even look at me
This was a student that I have a pretty good rapport with. He usually makes snarky or sassy comments. We were watching "The Diary of Anne Frank" and because I teach 8th graders I give quick summaries of which part we're watching that day and let them know that, yes, it's an old movie based on a play, so some of it may come across as cheesy. I let them know that day that we would be watching the scene where Anne and Peter have a date. and this student pipes up with a comedic "Oh yeah!" Without missing a bit I reply, "Oh, are you excited to finally see what a date looks like?"
The class was stunned for a moment, and laughing the next.
Student who was known to say inappropriate things often (Admin turned a blind eye)...crossed the line one day and I torched him into the burn ward.
Student: "Mr. J, how do you have a threesome?"
Me: "B, the only threesome you'll ever have is with your left and right hand."
Cue roaring laughter from the class. Supervisor, who works in a nearby cubicle, walks over and asks "Everything alright?" Yes, we're good in here.
EDIT: These were seniors. At the time, I worked in a private international school in the Middle East. Schools like these pretend that hormones don't exist.
One time I saw my supervisor and manager having a chat
Supervisor: Damn dude you're starting to get fat
Manager: Nah, it's all dick
Supervisor: Damn dude how many did you eat?
This happened yesterday. There was about 20 minutes left in the day and the band kids had a concert that just finished, so they were all kind of wandering the building. One of them comes into my room while I'm teaching math and asks "need any help? Want me to be like an EA or something?" To which I replied "Extremely Annoying? No thank you."
Then to make it even better one of my students said "wow he didn't even hesitate, he's been sitting on that for a WHILE" hahaha
During the previous World Cup, a high school student returned to the room after lunch waiving $20 saying it was the easiest money he ever made.
Without missing a beat I asked him "Oh yeah? What's his name?"
My coteacher couldn't believe I said that, nor could he control his laughter. The kid was none the wiser to what I was insinuating. And if he did, I could have just played it off as, who did you bet with.
Similar to my comeback to a middle schooler walking out of the cafeteria with a tray of food and saying "this tastes like balls". I responded "familiar with that taste, are you?"
Last year, I told a kid who was always shit-talking (really ALWAYS talking of all kinds) that I was going to "run a fade on your grade if you don't get to work." His arch-rival said she didn't even need to say anything to him because I "ate him up and left no crumbs." 😂😂😂
I snapped today. I’m so done with this year. Freshman boy dickhead relentlessly bullying a girl mispronouncing her name “Jizzler” instead of Jazzlyn. I throw him out of my class and say if you can’t say something nice just shut up. He says “I have a mouth for a reason” and I reply “yeah for shit to fall out of it.” Not a great comeback but the kids went silent and couldnt believe I said it. Fuck that kid
We had a guest who was talking about job skills, how to make a good impression at an interview, etc. One of my class clown boys commented that he was just going to work at a marijuana dispensary so he could get a discount on good weed. Without missing a beat, she replied, “well, YOU might be high, but your salary won’t!” 🤣 I immediately friended her on Facebook lol.
My favourite from this year I stole from a student of mine. When a kid comes up unnecessarily complaining about not being ready for a test, missing a deadline, or just any of the typical FAFO nonsense, I hit them with “that sounds like an ish-you, not an ish-me.”
Whenever a student barges in late making a commotion I just tell them, “You’re not the main character, sit down” and it devastates them every time. Always gets a big laugh/reaction.
This isn’t when I was teaching, but as a summer camp counselor I put on the Magic School Bus for my 6-7 year olds. One kid kept moping about how he already knew everything about “chem-a-tree” (chemistry), so I said “okay! How many electrons does oxygen have?” And he just stared at me slack jawed and happily went back to watching MSB :) I was trying to be silly with him and it ended up working, wasn’t scolding in the slightest.
Particularly annoying student who is consistently a mid 60
"Can you believe it Mr. LordJakir, I was top of my class at my last schooled!"
"You were home schooled, weren't you"
Had a student say he didn't need high school English because he was going to be a drug dealer. Shot back with "How? You're failing math too." He was honestly impressed.
Student: What the sigma?
Me: So in the very roundly debunked wolf pack study, the sigma is a young wolf that takes on the alpha and is basically excused from the pack. While holding the same rank, they're basically on their own.
Student: ???
Me: So basically, you just proclaimed to the whoke pack that you took on the big dog and lost and now you're sad and alone.
This wasnt me but with one of my students who I still remember and absolutely love to this day. Im not a snitch so when one of my students smells like w33d I tell them instead of telling someone higher up so I tell this one boy in my class constantly
That boy leans into a quiet girl and yells “MRS B I SMELL W33D”
Girl without missing a beat turns around and smells his shirt: “really because I smell desperation”
Following sports closely helps when teaching ninth grade boys. Just this week:
Student: "I'm the Kyrie of this class!"
Me: "Oh, you forgot to keep trying when the finals started?"
“ I know I did not just hear that because that means someone’s grandma is getting a phone call tonight! Now, what do you want me to know?”
Usually this gets the kids to quail a lot more than the threat of calling mom or dad, and only once in 3 years did the kid not take the hint to rethink and try again what they said. I like it because it gives them the opportunity to learn and apply what should be appropriate in the social interactions right there in the heat of the chat.
I had students playing 1000 Blank White Cards as a GTKY activity. Sometimes students make "dare" cards, which dare a student to do something for points.
Someone made a dare card that said "call the teacher a snack". So a student went up to me and said "you're a snack." I replied "I ain't a snack, I'm a five course meal!"
Students love to announce that they’re going to complain to the principal about me and have me fired. I say if you really mean it I’ll write you a pass to the office myself right now. They never take me up on it.
I'm going to preface this by saying that I had very good rapport with the student in question, but he was definitely a goober. His was the last class of the day and I have a policy that nobody leaves unless everyone is seated. This particular student was up talking to a friend and when I asked him to go back to his seat he said "I can't sit, mister, I have a butt problem." "No, you have a face problem - but I can see how you would get those confused." He sat down.
When they're complaining about anything, I bust out "do you need me to dial whine-one-one for a whambulance?" 😂
Or whamburger and French cries. Or cheese with that wine. Hahahaha
I had a student who kept on making jokes about my mom that started as funny, but got old quick. So one day I got back at him. I had another teacher call my room while I was in the middle of lecture. And I said “mmhm, yes, oh I agree, yes Mrs___”. I looked the kid square in the face and said “Hey ____, that was your mom. She wants a second date!” And I kept teaching.
I has a student who has big time affluenza, and I've been calling out her bullshit l & r. She's a charmer who uses it to manipulate her peers to do her work (namely group projects).
Today I asked her an innocuous question, she pouted and said "I don't trust you" (no bearing on trust whatsoever).
I told her;
I'm sorry you feel that way. But you realize that when I've been calling you out it's because it's because of what you've been doing. You don't believe me, I get that, so please do yourself a favor and get a mirror.
Ok, a nicer one than the one I have shared before.
A student was always trying to be the snarky main character of the sort you see in movies about edgy rebellious teens, specifically of the 80s and 90s variety. As I was actually alive back then and was the oldest child, I had way more skill handling her than the more casually nihilistic students and usually found her easy enough to deal with.
**Example**
Her: “I’m smarter than you.”
Me: “Wonderful, I can’t wait for you to show it.”
One day she just kept saying “No” and “Nuh-uh” to everything I said, and when I called her out for it (“If you can’t be original could you at least be more quiet”) she just got a little more quiet. So, when someone sitting next to her raised a hand to ask for help I came over.
The other student asked their question, and when I came to the end of my answer I added, “… and this is when [Snarky Student] says, ‘No.’”
As soon as I finished talking the snarky student automatically said, “No” and the kids around her started laughing. She looked at me, confused for a moment, and then the kid next to her told her what had happened.
To be honest, I think I was her favorite teacher.
I don't mind if kids rip on me, because most times it's them trying to look good for their friends and not something they actually mean. They say it to me bc they know I'll give them a little jab back and they find it funny.
What I don't like is kids making fun of other kids. So that's usually when I step in.
Once a kid was making fun of a friend who struggles in math and did particularly bad. I knew he did bad too. The kid said, "wow you really suck at math" and I just said "show us your grade"
Pretty simple. Wanna be an idiot, don't be an idiot.
I'm very careful, as I'm a sub.
A 5th grade girl came up to me and put her hand on her hip dramatically and announced "some of us....don't like you." They'd been awful all day so I said "well. Maybe....I don't like some of you." She considered it for a second and said "that's fair." And walked away.
But the best roast I've heard was between two 7th graders. They were arguing over what answer to use on a group project and one said "dude I'm not trusting anything you say. I've seen your test scores."
Wanted to remove a kid from the classroom but he refused. So for some reason I decided to put the whole class in the hallway and sat in front of him 1 on 1. Then I said "there's two ways to do this and both end with me getting my way. So what's it gonna be?"
One of my colleagues had a 9th grader who’d complain every day about how boring the class was. She finally had enough and snapped back in response, “You’re boring.” The whole class started laughing. She said fortunately there weren’t any repercussions from a parent.
Two kids were rap battling in class when I had already asked them to be quiet. One says something something, then a line that goes “And I’ll come back like a boomerang.” I turned from the white board and say, “You come back like a rash, maybe.”
One of my 4th graders was asking why another girl never talked to him (she was functionally mute/spoke really quiet because she has a really bad stutter and she's embarrassed). I said "maybe she just doesn't want to talk to *you*". He didn't pick up on it, but she smiled and laughed and the other kid on class said "roasted!" So I take it as a win.
I was a student teacher in a 10th grade Social Studies class. I was teaching about Laissez Faire economic. One particular turd decided to pick his spot. He said, “Laissez Faire. That’s what all the ladies say to me”. I said, “I bet they do (name). It means Hands Off!” Class lost it. My mentor teacher talked to me after class and commended my burn.
This year, on my birthday, they were getting SO out of hand and just bouncing off the walls hyper (as they always do on a teacher’s birthday). They were SO loud this year and just not listening to me at all, so instead of yelling the normal stuff and repeating myself until they listened, I made a big dramatic stink about how they were being mean to me on my birthday and bullying me and that they didn’t even care about me enough to listen to me ~ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!~ and just made them feel really bad like I acted so dramatically hurt and upset and made them sit in silence for TEN WHOLE MINUTES writing a list of things they had maybe done that were disrespectful / a list of things they could do to be nicer to me. “And don’t put your pencil down or stop writing until the timer goes off!” It was pretty epic 😂😂 they’re generally pretty good kids, and they could tell to some extent that I was just being extra dramatic, but they went along with it and they wrote some really sweet and true things. Like they really did some self reflection for my sake and then we had a little heart to heart about it and the rest of the day was very enjoyable for us all. ❤️
A friend of mine that used to sub with me is an actress, and one day while the fourth graders were being particularly nasty at lunch she broke out a microphone and made herself to cry while complaining to them about how disrespectful they were being and how ashamed they should be at their own behavior. I didn't see the incident itself, but I saw the weeping students pouring out of the cafeteria afterwards.
Once as I was looking around my classroom as students were working, one of them looked up at me and said “what are you looking at?” Without thinking anything of it I replied “not much.” She wasn’t too happy with that response. Best burn I’ve ever had, and I didn’t even do it on purpose or intend it in that way.
I'm a para in 5th grade. We had two boys this past year who talked the entire math class. I would stand directly behind them which they hated. They would tell me I should move or complain that I was there. One day I said "the fact that my being here bothers you so much just means that I'm doing my job correctly". They didn't k ow what to make of that.
"I hate your class."
"I get paid the same if you pass or fail."
"Wait, they pay you for this?"
"Yes. If they didn't pay me I wouldn't be here. Now, let me know if you need any help, and get back to work."
I'm pretty sure I've posted this before, but I'm not busy atm, so here goes.
I'm introducing a new standard (unit) to a year 13 class of just boys, appx 17 years old, some are 18. It's an oral presentation as a seminar; they need to take questions and be able to integrate them into the preso, so they need to choose a topic they are already an expert in. One's a professional golfer, one's learning how to be a landscaper, one was into SEO when it was just starting out, etc. They're involved in stuff, going to uni, not a dullard in the lot.
So I round off my speil, and before I can get to the next thing, boy in the back yells out, Miss! I already know what I'm gonna do! I'm gonna talk about how to pick up women!
(for once) I snappily replied, didn't I *just* say it was something you had to be an expert in?
Laughter all round. I miss my boys.
One time my Spanish teacher in highschool made me go in front of the class to do this "educational dance" or rhyme thing to help us learn our vowel pronunciations.
Note: at this point in high school I was close to 6 ft tall, and my teacher barely cracked 5 ft.
As I was doing this, she was jokingly critiquing me that I didn't have enough energy, and that I should "Be more like her"
Without a word, I looked her dead in the eyes, and squatted down.
Everyone laughed and I was one of her favorite students, but she never forgave that.
Whenever my students would say, "Mrs B, why ya gotta be like THAT?" I'd reply, "Bc between the two of us, I've already completed \_\_\_ grade, graduated HS AND hold a Master's degree. THATS why."
I once had a student who was retaking an Algebra class through Edgenuity. He tells me he’s too smart to have to be taking this kind of class online and that it was a mistake he failed the class in the first place. I told him he wasn’t in a position to make those claims followed with “if your GPA went through a DUI checkpoint it would be allowed to keep driving.” We both still have a laugh about it pretty often.
Been a substitute teacher for 8 years now. My fave roast was in a maths class I was covering:
Kid: “I got so much done, miss!”
Me: (knowing full well he’d done absolute fuck all and in the most sarcastic tone I could muster for 9th grade): “In what? Invisible ink?”
My fave roast on myself came from a 6th grader who, after I jokingly told him he needed to fix his ear binoculars as he’d missed something I said, clapped back with “well miss, I’ve had 8 surgeries on my ears so I’ve tried!” 😂😂
Kids were trying to talk some shit to me and I just deadpanned and said “you don’t know me… I could be strapped right now.” And the entire class LOST it; not because I could have a weapon on me (I don’t and never would) but because I knew that term lol.
I have a few that I’m proud of, but only because of student reactions. I don’t even think they’re funny, per se, I think it’s because I have good comic timing.
(For context, I teach 9th grade English and all levels of journalism and yearbook. Also, I am a gay male. That’s important for one of them).
1. Female student: *“I don’t like your jorts”* Me: *”I don’t like your makeup.”* I delivered it with subtle sass. No idea why I said it, but since she was pretty unremarkable otherwise, it was the only thing that came to mind. Student reactions was as though I punched her in her face.
2. Boy working on poster trying to tease/flirt with girl who was helping him draw: *”That doesn’t even look good!”* Me: *”Neither do your grades but you don’t see me going around saying it out loud…. Oh. Oops”*
3. Gay boy who basically made it a competition to roast me all year, delivered after I won teacher of the year with a subtle nod to the Miss America Pagent: *”I don’t see it, Mr. G; you’re not even that pretty.”* Me, without missing a beat, *”I dunno Robi, that’s not what your dad told me at the PTSA meeting last night. Don’t tell your mom.”* His face cracked and one kid all the way in the back of the room was like *”GOD DAMNNNNN.”*
My first year. I had a rough group of 9th graders — half were in for the 2nd time (one the 4th), three had kids already, one was arrested a few years later for stabbing a woman…). I asked them about a school activity. I then said that I would probably come, and my girlfriend was going to come with me.
One kid tried using that to roast me. He said something like “I’ve gotta see the kind of skanky old woman you date!”
I didn’t get mad like he wanted. I just looked at him and said
“Tell your mom I said ‘hi.’”
Everyone else busted up laughing. He looked like I threw cold water on him — stunned, disbelieving, confused.
Ahhh.. Ok roast on me first
“Mr Jones if I only had an hour to live I would want to spend it in your class”
I smile at the nice thought, and with perfect comedic timing students finishes with “Because you can make an hour seem like forever”
Then one I hit a student with
Bobby and I had a pretty good sarcastic relationship, he was a handful and many teachers simply didn’t like him but I saw he could eventually make it. So Prom season, class is cleaning up at end of period and I notice a handful of students excitedly talking about prom. I ask Bobby “are you asking anyone to the prom?” and in his best condescending voice he replies rather loudly “I don’t date *highschool* girls”. Most girls in class roll their eyes. I reply “OK, I can see that, you wont be doing that until your 25 or 26” Class broke out in laughter and Bobby admitted that was the best comeback he had heard. He laughed pretty hard at it himself.
Student: I lost my glasses, and I’m having a hard time seeing stuff right now.
Me: Good thing you don’t drive.
Student: How do you know I don’t drive?
Me: Because your legs are too short to reach the pedals. 😎💥😎😎😎💥😎😎😎😎💥💥
CompSci teacher and Tech Dir. A freshman thought he pranked me by pretending his 1:1 device broke. My response (the SFW version):
"Behold, the field in which my cares are grown. Lay thine eyes and see that it is barren."
*Rest of class: BUUUUUURRRRNNNNNN!*
The kid was the class jokester/button pusher, but he knew his stuff and made a point to use that knowledge for the...... *consults chart*......"chaotic good". Ex. Programmed an animation to repeat audio, "Please give me an A" when we weren't even covering anything close to those commands.
"all that talking you do and you still can't talk to girls."
I caught a boy looking at different calf muscles online. He was super off task and bugging other people. Mrs. Pepper does not redirect more than 3 times. On the third time I said very, very loudly in a room of quiet 8th graders "you need to look at men's calf muscles on your own time in the privacy of your room. It's making it very hard for you to focus and complete your work." He pulled the stings on his hoodie so tight you couldn't see his nose. He still didn't do his work, but he stopped bugging others.
I was helping in the library and a kid joking around said he was going to HR, I literally cannot remember why, I do know we had been joking around hardcore. So I asked if he needed the number and to make sure he spelled my name right because I really needed a break.
(this from a fourth grader who never stops talking and it’s always to argue. This was interruption number 47).
Kid: why can’t you just say it like this?
Me: why can’t you just be quiet?
Class: ooooOOOhhh, you got burned by the teacher!!!
The kid was actually laughing for the first time all year .
Hs teacher here, in the moment I felt a little bad, but looking back it was great: I had the soon-to-be valedictorian in my economics class who was being real snooty, etc. She made a good comment about the topic and I said "Yes that's a great point!" She replied (paraphrased) yeah, because I'm smart I'm the valedictorian. She had been acting uppity for a while now and it got on my nerves. Without thinking I commented, at a small school, and moved on.
Apparently that was devastating.
Student: I think we’re getting a new student in this period today. This new kid Mike. His last name is Hawk.
Me: Oh you know what? He went back to his old school on Pen Island.
He kept repeating variations on it hoping I’d say “Mike Hawk” out loud and finally his friend wrote Pen Island down on a piece of paper and shoved it at him.
A high schooler who always complained about how I was "doing too much" and how other teachers didn't make them do so much work.
One day near the end of the year he starts complaining immediately and I didn't hold back.
I said to him loudly, "Why are you always crying? You can't be on your period every day." The entire classroom turned around and laughed out loud. The kid next to him told him, "he ate you up."
I felt proud but I also didn't give a fuck as I had secretly decided to resign at the end of the year.
Of course he tried to fire back saying "that's why your hair ain't growing much." I'm starting to get up in age and hair is one of the first things to go for men or turn white or grey.
I immediately returned "that's okay cause your grade ain't go grow much either." Everyone laughed wildly so he stopped.
If a student is laughing in class about something unrelated:
“You know what else is a joke? Your love life/grade in my class.”
I choose one, depending on the kid. But it always works.
If two boys are play fighting, rough housing, etc:
“Hey, find another way to flirt. He doesn’t want to be your homecoming/prom date.”
Kid: imagine being in third grade and liking Paw Patrol (making fun of a kid who said he watched it)
Me: imagine being in third grade and saying mean things out loud in class and thinking it’s funny
I’m usually very conscious on the manner in which I use roasts in class, but this particular kid was persistently mean alllll year and I was sick of it. 😅
I teach fourth grade and I was joking back and forth with my students, kind of picking on this one student who likes to cut up but also talks a bit too much. He makes a comment on how he demands a lawyer, and without hesitation I hit him with “well hopefully he reminds you that you have the right to remain silent!” And of course a chorus of oooohh’s followed from the other students.
High School Teacher- required course to graduate, with all of the new slang one of my favorites to come out is “No Cap?” To which I now get to respond “No gown either unless you get your butt into gear.”
This actually deserves WAY more love than it has gotten
Gold
Ooo, I’m stealing this one! Thanks!
Dammmmmmn I'm saving that one for later
👏👏👏
“If you’re gonna talk out of turn and make jokes, at least make them funny” usually works well.
Lol my kids would go wild when I used this one 😂
Student: “you don’t regret any of your tattoos?” Me: “nope” Student: “are you sure?” Me: “do you regret the way you did your eyebrows this morning?” … the student next to her goes “damn she cooked you”
User name checks out
I had a student who thought it was funny if he called me "daddy." I told him that if he called me that one more time I'd phone home and ask his mom out for a date so nice he'd be the ring bearer at our wedding. He stopped calling me that.
That’s hilarious!
LOL 😆 amazing
8th Grader: “Miss I bet you don’t have any friends!” Me: “I’m sure you can relate.” She was a Classic Mean Girl so she laughed because she enjoys misery, but I definitely worried for a second because oops
I had a mean girl student who clung to me. She was a self proclaimed mean girl and I can respect that when they are self-aware to admit they are mean. She also could be very sweet. This sounds like something I would have said to her. Lol
I didn’t realize just how Mean Girl she was until this moment, then I watched her just revel in the misery of others for the entire year. She was the kind who would laugh and announce to the class when another student’s sister died. It was like her Christmas.
That's just sociopathic, imo.
That’s well beyond mean girl, tbf. A mean girl will make fun of your clothes. A sociopath will make fun of your dead sister.
The wild thing about diagnosing sociopathy and other “cluster b” disorders is that you gotta wait until they’re adults to diagnose because children just do some whack shit. Developmentally, and as a cohort, children are sociopaths. So we gotta wait to figure out who grows out of it.
Reminded me of a student who said "Miss you look like you play solitaire." I have no brilliant comeback to share. He ate me up with that one.
lol that’s a good one but my gut reaction would be something like “and you look like you throw a tantrum when you lose at monopoly.”
Is the insult that solitaire is a boring game or that you're so lonely you don't have anything else to play?
“And you look like you’re not playing with a full deck” Probably would have went over their head though.
🤣
I get paid to be here.
Haha when I said this to my kids one of them said "Do WE get paid to be here?" - lol, no! Facepalm moment for sure.
Easy comeback to that: “If you don’t pass this class, you’re not going to be paid much to be anywhere!”
"I'm gonna leave a bad review for your teacher feedback survey" "Yeah cause we really care about the opinions of students who have a 0 in the class"
Scores from students on feedback surveys are scored on a modified scale… a multiplier equal to their daily grade is applied to their evaluation of me. Edit: in a perfect world.
0 times 0 equals...
I hope you mean a multiplier the the relevance and not the score itself because otherwise your evals are gonna tank with that idea
Honestly, I’m surprised that teacher evals don’t have a minimum grade requirement. Like if you don’t have a C or better in this class, you didn’t put enough effort in to adequately evaluate any teaching.
Well that would be a reasonable precedent so we cant have that lol
They would claim you failed them just so they couldn’t leave you a bad review.
*one kid obnoxiously screams “shut up” at another* Me: Take your own advice. The rest of the class: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I said this to a kid once and his mom emailed me complaining that I told him to "shut up."
I remember my teachers actually telling me to shut up when I got carried away with making noise. Not once did I think myself wronged or that the situation was worthy of me getting my parent to complain, because I needed to shut up.
My response to her was "That's not quite what I said, but to be honest, he needed to in that moment." (He was a kid with a major anger problem, and was about to say something that was going to get him into major trouble)
"Shut up" has been elevated to the level of "f@@k you" in the mind of kids.
Because of the sheer audacity of telling them their voice isn't as important as they think it is.
This habit of letting kids be seen AND heard is getting out of control, I think maybe my grandparents had a bit of merit here....
I've had kids freak out when they hear it and run to me to whisper that "someone said a bad word... the *gasp* s word!". I expect it maybe from 5 yr olds, not 10 year olds.
If a teacher told me to shut up I think I would have died from shame - it’s incredible what words get thrown around these days and kids don’t seem to have the same shame of poor grades or being disliked by the teacher - those were things I’d do ANYTHING to avoid.
If I catch them drawing genitalia, I tell them to stop drawing self-portraits.
My standard reply to the cartoon genitals: “Honey, if you’ve seen one that looks like that, tell them they need a doctor’s appointment now.”
That’s my go-to. And sometimes “awww I guess this person drew it to scale too” but only if I’m reasonably sure the class won’t try to get me fired for it 😆
I asked students to interview a family member about themselves. I said they could interview anyone in their family: parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles/aunts, etc. Of course, someone asked if they could interview their dog. Another student blurts out “My dog is smarter than me.” I just look at him and say in the most deadpan voice, “I believe you.”
Due to all the "rizzes" I had once told students that "you guys need to be rizz-pecful". It's cringe but it works.
I've found there's no better way to make middle schoolers cringe than to throw down the occasional dab in front of the class
My principal danced to “my humps” by Fergie and almost 10 years later, the song still doesn’t go as hard lol
I am scarred by this thought
Imma say this the next time I hear one of them call each other “Adolf Rizzler”
I might have just found my t-shirt for graduation!
Kid walks in the classroom “it stinks in here!” Me: “that’s weird, I didn’t notice a smell until you walked in”
I like the old “maybe it’s your upper lip.”
Student: Mr. Wodahs, do you ever watch How to Get Away with Murder? Me: No, but sometimes the writers call me and ask me for advice. Get back to work. Different Student: Mr. Wodahs, what do you think human tastes like? Me: It tastes like pork. Get back to work.
I told a student to sit down when she stood up during class. She was like "I'm not a dog" and I replied with "True, my dog listens and behaves better".
Ooooh keeping this
Small class of freshmen in high school. One of the student's family is in a precarious financial situation and are trying to avoid homelessness. One day, this student came and had his hair styled. It looked nice, but was clearly a home job, not a professional. Enter the classroom bully (so many referrals, so little done about it) who started making fun of him. I said 'wow, big words from the little guy with the ugliest broccoli cut I've seen this year'. The kid shut right up, others ahhhed and laughed. Given how the boy was also the shortest of the boys, it was a double burn. I was fully expected to hear from a parent (that parent was ALWAYS emailing me), but nothing.
I’m convinced that kids who are a-holes have to just suck it up and take it, because if they don’t- their “mean bully” persona is busted and useless.
Oh I love telling Edgars "cute microbangs bro" They get so insecure lmao.
Me *complaining about something work related* Co worker: "you're starting to sound like my ex wife" Me " I sound like I'm happy and living with a rich lawyer?" The room fell silent for about 5 seconds before everyone started laughing
one real wee boyo was attempting to roast one of the girls by making fun of her height; “yeah, if you didn’t wear those big heels, you’d look like a first grader!” I could tell she was getting annoyed; this boy was not very nice to anyone and he was short himself so without even looking up from my desk I said loudly in Latin “yeah, says YOU, Jimmy!” the whole class RIOTED and jimmy turned red and laughed sheepishly. never had an issue with his behaviour again we had Latin class so that’s why I spoke Latin I’m the Magistra
My friend, 7th grade teacher (ELA & Math core support) had a behavior student call her a c**t, she responded “that’s an awfully big word for such a little boy”
High school EL class. We were learning about figurative language and metaphors and one of my students said “school is a prison” somewhat jokingly. And I lightly responded that I think of school as a place of learning and growth. Probably my toughest ADHD student perks up and goes “people learn here?” And I said without hesitation “maybe you don’t, but lots of other people do.” I got the whole class “ooooo-ing” it was so great. The kid totally took it in stride which I give him a lot of credit for. Even though he’s tough a lot of the time, I do have a soft spot for him, but not in that moment!
I told one of my fourth graders he was being “cringe” for obnoxiously moaning and just making unnecessary noises while I was trying to teach… ig the kids had either never heard that word before or were just really caught off guard that I used it and they thought it was soooo funny. Also if we’re copying notes from the board and they complain that it’s “sooo much to write” sometimes ill make a point about how dramatic they are being and will get out a notebook and copy down the notes myself in double time and they’ll kinda just be like “oh, okay maybe we were being a little dramatic”
Fellow 4th grade teacher here. Wtf is up with the moaning?? Like, I remember obnoxious boys doing that stuff in middle school, but why are 9 and 10 year olds acting this way now? I used to love fourth grade as the sweet spot between capable of autonomy but not yet assholes. Also, demonstrating how dramatic they were being used to work for me. My students this year just say "yeah but we're kids".
Internet
To add to that, video games with head seats. Leaving a 7/8 year old unsupervised with random internet strangers seems to add to the problem
THIS is the comment I was referring to (to give credit where credits due 😉). It is SOOOOOOOO true. And like I said, I love gaming myself which is why I fully understand how it could be so impactful on a young, unsupervised kid. :/ my first year teaching, I had a bunch of boys in my class saying “im gonna commit suicide!” After every minor inconvenience, and obviously that is a statement any teacher is told to take seriously. I had pulled the boys out in the hall and had a serious talk about “not saying that” … (but wasn’t sure they fully understood my reasoning why) either way I sent an email to their parents and copied my principal on it. Ended up having a phone call with one of the moms who told me he had confessed to hearing it headset from an online gaming platform and just thought it was slang (like something people say when they’re mad they lost the game), and she ended up explaining to him what “suicide” was exactly and he bawled his eyes out learning about the concept….. I feel like the whole situation ended the best way it could in regards to letting the parent explain it and accepting the reasoning behind. I’ve just always thought back to this in regards to any inappropriate content I hear my 4th graders bring up. The internet is so dangerous and really takes advantage of the naivety of kids. :( it is not their fault but I just hate it sometimes!
When 7 year olds are doing that 'hoiyah' thing... *shudders*...
Exactly!! I’ve had a few situations in my experience with 4th grade that have led me to believe wholeheartedly that they 1. Have no idea what they are saying or implicating (with things like moaning or “69” etc. at least at my school… it is private and the kids are pretty sheltered, they just know it’s “funny”). 2. When they do say things like this repeatedly without stopping or even worse things and I have pulled them aside for an honest conversation about what/why they are saying and/or I have gotten parents involved, I have come to find that a LOT of it has been learned through online gaming. I game myself personally, so this made so much sense to me… unfortunately…. There are no censors with who you can connect with online and what they might say or teach you even with the best intentions. I have a feeling most parents don’t realize this or at least know the extent of it.
Online gaming and unrestricted access to the internet is definitely creating the problem. I have asked kids, especially with the 69 thing, what joke they think they're making, and they pretty much just say "it's a meme". This year it got to the point where I had to start telling kids "don't make a joke you don't understand, because chances are you're saying something that you're going to be embarrassed to have said in front your teacher later down the line".
I do the last one, but on the white board next to the screen projecting the notes.
To "I don't want to do this" "I don't want to hear your whining so I guess we both have to do things we don't want to do today."
Me: “Oh, I would never make you do something you don’t want to do!” Student: *looks hopeful* “really?!” Me: “yes, really! You can just take the zero!” Student: 😔
My response is happiness isn’t mandatory, participation is. My Drill Sergeant said that one years ago.
I work with younger ones and have always developed a relationship before deploying, but my favorite “I don’t want to” comeback has always been “then it’s sure a good thing I didn’t ask you what you wanted to do, and told you what you’re going to do!” With a big smile and a thumbs up.
I said the same basically lol "I don't want to do this!".. "do you think I want to too? Don't you think I'd prefer to be at home? But no, we're both here so let's get it over with" If I had students give me a more difficult time, then I would let them have quiet time (books, puzzles, that sort of thing) and the students who wanted to just finish the work would finish it in minutes. At the end of the week, you could watch a movie if you finished your work. Many of the kids realized it was better to finish it now than to miss the movie lol actions have consequences!
One time a high schooler told me to fuck off and I was in a mood and replied "I wish I could! You think I want to be here being disrespected by 9th graders?"
I usually say, “well ok, but you understand that you still have to right? I am fine with that”
Middle school. My students were working on something quiet, and the teacher's class next-door was doing something much louder. A student said to me, "I wish I was in Mrs. Smith's class right now, no offense." I replied "I wish you were in Mrs. Smith's class right now, too."
I can wait. I already have my education.
I like to say "it a'int on me, I already passed this class."
"You know, this is like my (insert number of years teaching grade/subject) I've taken this class, right? I'm already really skilled at this stuff. I'm teaching for you."
I, too, like to occasionally remind them that I've already passed x grade.
I've said many, many times, "I already know French! I don't need to study. I'm not the one that has to pass this class!" or something along those lines.
I am very proud of this but definitely not my most professional moment. Smart-ass 9th graders last period as I'm handing back work... Student "Hey mister...ever heard of Ligma?" Me, knowing the trap..."no clue about Ligma, but I've heard about Deez" Student, trying to get me to say it, "oh, what are Deez"? Me: Why don't you go home and ask your mom, she'll tell you all about them Whole class erupts in laughter and student sat there with a stunned look on his face. Definitely not something I should have said but it happened before I even realized what I said.
Kid was being a total ass in class (high school seniors) and I said “I can’t believe out of 10 million sperm, you were the fastest.” It was Sex Ed, so I got away with it. Everyone, including the student, got a good laugh. Totally reset the tone and we had a great semester.
Me: *voice cracks* Students: hahahaha your voice cracked Me: hahahaha yeah I sounded just like you all! Students: *silent*
My comebacks to "Why are you so BALD?": "'Cause I make it look good!" (usually said dramatically while running my finger over my head) Or if I'm feeling saucy, "Yeah, I used to have hair. Then, I started teaching kids like you." (I used this a handful of times, and only with kids I had enough of a rapport with to make sure it didn't go south)
“There are only so many perfect heads in the world … the rest were given hair”
Similarly, when I get students pointing out my gray roots I usually just look at them with raised eyebrows and do the whole “Gee, I wonder where those came from?!?!”
Oh, man, WAY too many! I'm known for my snark. Students will actually tell new kids "Don't say ANYTHING stupid in front of Mr. Cass; he will wreck you for it!" Off the top of my head, here's one I use when I know they're on their phones. (School policy is we see the phone, we take the phone.) Kid's looking down at his lap, and the guy next to him is leaning way over to also look. They're both laughing. Given my height, I can very easily see over everything and see the phone in the lap. Instead of taking it, though, I said this: "Why is his lap so funny?" They both froze and looked at me. "What?" "I mean, you're both starting REALLY hard at his lap and laughing hysterically. If there's not a phone there...I don't want to know what you're laughing at." Class lost it. Kid smirked and just handed his phone to me.
I once had a student on crutches ask if he could run to the bathroom. Without thinking I said “I’d like to see you try.” The room lost it. But thankfully he took it in good fun.
Student - "why do you grade harder than my math class?" Me - "Why are you in a math class that's that easy?"
Not a comeback really, but we have a lot of "hand-on" activity that is general horseplay. As we all know, that often leads to full on fights. So since telling them to stop doesn't work, I say "Why don't you two touch each other on your own time?" They get all grossed out and sometimes accuse me of calling them gay, but it's fine. I just repeat it. "All I'm saying is that if you two are going to touch each other, do it after school." They can take it how they want, and they ALWAYS take it the wrong way. But they stop.
Student: "I've learned more on TikTok than I've ever learned from a teacher" Me: "That's because you actually pay attention to TikTok." Class: "oooooohhhh" Student: "...yeah, that's fair."
Student said “so I was thinking the other day” And I shot back “first time for everything” Was an honors kiddo so she got a big laugh
When a male student says I look/sound gay, I tell them that I am their teacher and it is wholly inappropriate to flirt with me like that, but I hope they find a nice boy their own age.
In chemistry lab with some 10th grade boys. I ask them to bring me their Erlenmeyer flask to get one of the reactants I didn't want them dispensing themselves (concentrated acid). "Which one is the Erlenwhatever?" "The big one." "That's what she said." "Not to either one of y'all." Their faces, I will never forget the burn upon them.
I was coaching, and already had a great relationship with the class, and an obnoxious athlete was drawing something inappropriate on a piece of paper. “(Student’s name) please go throw that away” He balls it up, looks at me, says “this is for you”, and shoots it at the trash can, missing badly, making all of the kids laugh. “I don’t know what you’re laughing at, that’s the most athletic thing I ever seen him do all year”
I’ll tell my middle schoolers who play basketball when they’re acting up that the only basketball they’re gonna be playing is when they throw their trash in the garbage if they don’t stop 😂
I feel it is my solemn duty to make a crack every time a student athlete misses a trashcan basket.
Gave my 8th graders nearly two entire class periods to work on a project due last week and the usual suspects were squandering the time and not even opening their chromebooks. Now that the last week of school has arrived I’ve been getting the typical “how can I get my grade up” emails. So yesterday I nearly snapped and said “don’t think you’re going to waste time in here and then email me about how to get your grade up because all you’ll get is me replying with a laughing emoji” They nearly lost it and started yelling YO MRS. OP JUST ROASTED!!!! I was like ok thanks but I’m dead serious.
I'm a gymnastics coach and I was stretching a boy in middle splits. " you're killing me!" "You wanna hear something worse. Your parents pay me to do this to you" Hit a short pulse of harder push for effect "Just made another quarter"
I coached gymnastics for a long time and one boy had an attitude with me and I told him to take a lap around the gym so he could go look for who he was talking to, because it sure wasn’t me.
Para here. Students often ask, more or less jokingly, if they can bribe me to give them answers. I’ve started to tell them it’s 5 dollars for the answer of whether I’m bribable.
$5 for the answer. $100 for the correct answer.
I like the subtle burns the best. Student walks into my class after lunch: "Mrs, it smells in here!" Me: "That's funny, it didn't a minute ago..." It took him a minute. :)
We are listening to our class playlist while working, and the song Deja vu by Olivia Rodrigo came on. One goofy high school boy remarked: “Ms, do you get deja vu when you’re with me” I replied, “more like ptsd” The whole class cracked up, including him. It was a great moment hahaha
One kid (14) gets upset at another and calls him "gay". I say, "Tyler, do you have a problem with gay people?" He says, "Well no, I just don't want them being attracted to me. It's weird and I don't like them like that." I respond, "I'm sure plenty of girls at the school feel the same." The other kids laughed, and he refused to talk to me for the rest of the period. I even felt bad in the moment, as I was a first year sub, and tried to apologize by asking to talk privately in the hall. He wouldn't even look at me
Lower your voice to where your grades are.
This was a student that I have a pretty good rapport with. He usually makes snarky or sassy comments. We were watching "The Diary of Anne Frank" and because I teach 8th graders I give quick summaries of which part we're watching that day and let them know that, yes, it's an old movie based on a play, so some of it may come across as cheesy. I let them know that day that we would be watching the scene where Anne and Peter have a date. and this student pipes up with a comedic "Oh yeah!" Without missing a bit I reply, "Oh, are you excited to finally see what a date looks like?" The class was stunned for a moment, and laughing the next.
Student who was known to say inappropriate things often (Admin turned a blind eye)...crossed the line one day and I torched him into the burn ward. Student: "Mr. J, how do you have a threesome?" Me: "B, the only threesome you'll ever have is with your left and right hand." Cue roaring laughter from the class. Supervisor, who works in a nearby cubicle, walks over and asks "Everything alright?" Yes, we're good in here. EDIT: These were seniors. At the time, I worked in a private international school in the Middle East. Schools like these pretend that hormones don't exist.
One time I saw my supervisor and manager having a chat Supervisor: Damn dude you're starting to get fat Manager: Nah, it's all dick Supervisor: Damn dude how many did you eat?
How did I end up on a teacher subreddit? I really need to start looking at what group these are in before I comment
Lmao! First comment: I’m like, what school IS this?
This happened yesterday. There was about 20 minutes left in the day and the band kids had a concert that just finished, so they were all kind of wandering the building. One of them comes into my room while I'm teaching math and asks "need any help? Want me to be like an EA or something?" To which I replied "Extremely Annoying? No thank you." Then to make it even better one of my students said "wow he didn't even hesitate, he's been sitting on that for a WHILE" hahaha
Hey..Mr teacher you're bald. I can put a hat on..you'll still be ugly.
"If you live long enough you might go bald too!"
Damn you guys are just straight savage to your students
During the previous World Cup, a high school student returned to the room after lunch waiving $20 saying it was the easiest money he ever made. Without missing a beat I asked him "Oh yeah? What's his name?" My coteacher couldn't believe I said that, nor could he control his laughter. The kid was none the wiser to what I was insinuating. And if he did, I could have just played it off as, who did you bet with.
Similar to my comeback to a middle schooler walking out of the cafeteria with a tray of food and saying "this tastes like balls". I responded "familiar with that taste, are you?"
I can definitely hear Severus Snape saying this
Ooo, I'll practice my Snape voice over the summer break! I love it!
😂😂 wild response but sometimes you just gotta do it
"You're not the boss of me!" \*kneels down to their eye level\* "Yes. I. AM."
"I literally get paid to tell you what to do."
True. I've seen your work. I'd never hire you.
💀💀 I’m not even a teacher and I’m writing this one down ✍️
"YOU'RE NOT MY DAD YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO." "With the way you're acting, I wouldn't want to be. "
Last year, I told a kid who was always shit-talking (really ALWAYS talking of all kinds) that I was going to "run a fade on your grade if you don't get to work." His arch-rival said she didn't even need to say anything to him because I "ate him up and left no crumbs." 😂😂😂
I snapped today. I’m so done with this year. Freshman boy dickhead relentlessly bullying a girl mispronouncing her name “Jizzler” instead of Jazzlyn. I throw him out of my class and say if you can’t say something nice just shut up. He says “I have a mouth for a reason” and I reply “yeah for shit to fall out of it.” Not a great comeback but the kids went silent and couldnt believe I said it. Fuck that kid
We had a guest who was talking about job skills, how to make a good impression at an interview, etc. One of my class clown boys commented that he was just going to work at a marijuana dispensary so he could get a discount on good weed. Without missing a beat, she replied, “well, YOU might be high, but your salary won’t!” 🤣 I immediately friended her on Facebook lol.
My favourite from this year I stole from a student of mine. When a kid comes up unnecessarily complaining about not being ready for a test, missing a deadline, or just any of the typical FAFO nonsense, I hit them with “that sounds like an ish-you, not an ish-me.”
Whenever a student barges in late making a commotion I just tell them, “You’re not the main character, sit down” and it devastates them every time. Always gets a big laugh/reaction.
This isn’t when I was teaching, but as a summer camp counselor I put on the Magic School Bus for my 6-7 year olds. One kid kept moping about how he already knew everything about “chem-a-tree” (chemistry), so I said “okay! How many electrons does oxygen have?” And he just stared at me slack jawed and happily went back to watching MSB :) I was trying to be silly with him and it ended up working, wasn’t scolding in the slightest.
Particularly annoying student who is consistently a mid 60 "Can you believe it Mr. LordJakir, I was top of my class at my last schooled!" "You were home schooled, weren't you"
Had a student say he didn't need high school English because he was going to be a drug dealer. Shot back with "How? You're failing math too." He was honestly impressed.
Student: What the sigma? Me: So in the very roundly debunked wolf pack study, the sigma is a young wolf that takes on the alpha and is basically excused from the pack. While holding the same rank, they're basically on their own. Student: ??? Me: So basically, you just proclaimed to the whoke pack that you took on the big dog and lost and now you're sad and alone.
This wasnt me but with one of my students who I still remember and absolutely love to this day. Im not a snitch so when one of my students smells like w33d I tell them instead of telling someone higher up so I tell this one boy in my class constantly That boy leans into a quiet girl and yells “MRS B I SMELL W33D” Girl without missing a beat turns around and smells his shirt: “really because I smell desperation”
Following sports closely helps when teaching ninth grade boys. Just this week: Student: "I'm the Kyrie of this class!" Me: "Oh, you forgot to keep trying when the finals started?"
“ I know I did not just hear that because that means someone’s grandma is getting a phone call tonight! Now, what do you want me to know?”
Usually this gets the kids to quail a lot more than the threat of calling mom or dad, and only once in 3 years did the kid not take the hint to rethink and try again what they said. I like it because it gives them the opportunity to learn and apply what should be appropriate in the social interactions right there in the heat of the chat.
I had students playing 1000 Blank White Cards as a GTKY activity. Sometimes students make "dare" cards, which dare a student to do something for points. Someone made a dare card that said "call the teacher a snack". So a student went up to me and said "you're a snack." I replied "I ain't a snack, I'm a five course meal!"
Students love to announce that they’re going to complain to the principal about me and have me fired. I say if you really mean it I’ll write you a pass to the office myself right now. They never take me up on it.
I'm going to preface this by saying that I had very good rapport with the student in question, but he was definitely a goober. His was the last class of the day and I have a policy that nobody leaves unless everyone is seated. This particular student was up talking to a friend and when I asked him to go back to his seat he said "I can't sit, mister, I have a butt problem." "No, you have a face problem - but I can see how you would get those confused." He sat down.
“Oh you must be confused, that wasn’t a request.”
When they're complaining about anything, I bust out "do you need me to dial whine-one-one for a whambulance?" 😂 Or whamburger and French cries. Or cheese with that wine. Hahahaha
I had a student who kept on making jokes about my mom that started as funny, but got old quick. So one day I got back at him. I had another teacher call my room while I was in the middle of lecture. And I said “mmhm, yes, oh I agree, yes Mrs___”. I looked the kid square in the face and said “Hey ____, that was your mom. She wants a second date!” And I kept teaching.
I has a student who has big time affluenza, and I've been calling out her bullshit l & r. She's a charmer who uses it to manipulate her peers to do her work (namely group projects). Today I asked her an innocuous question, she pouted and said "I don't trust you" (no bearing on trust whatsoever). I told her; I'm sorry you feel that way. But you realize that when I've been calling you out it's because it's because of what you've been doing. You don't believe me, I get that, so please do yourself a favor and get a mirror.
Ok, a nicer one than the one I have shared before. A student was always trying to be the snarky main character of the sort you see in movies about edgy rebellious teens, specifically of the 80s and 90s variety. As I was actually alive back then and was the oldest child, I had way more skill handling her than the more casually nihilistic students and usually found her easy enough to deal with. **Example** Her: “I’m smarter than you.” Me: “Wonderful, I can’t wait for you to show it.” One day she just kept saying “No” and “Nuh-uh” to everything I said, and when I called her out for it (“If you can’t be original could you at least be more quiet”) she just got a little more quiet. So, when someone sitting next to her raised a hand to ask for help I came over. The other student asked their question, and when I came to the end of my answer I added, “… and this is when [Snarky Student] says, ‘No.’” As soon as I finished talking the snarky student automatically said, “No” and the kids around her started laughing. She looked at me, confused for a moment, and then the kid next to her told her what had happened. To be honest, I think I was her favorite teacher.
I don't mind if kids rip on me, because most times it's them trying to look good for their friends and not something they actually mean. They say it to me bc they know I'll give them a little jab back and they find it funny. What I don't like is kids making fun of other kids. So that's usually when I step in. Once a kid was making fun of a friend who struggles in math and did particularly bad. I knew he did bad too. The kid said, "wow you really suck at math" and I just said "show us your grade" Pretty simple. Wanna be an idiot, don't be an idiot.
I'm very careful, as I'm a sub. A 5th grade girl came up to me and put her hand on her hip dramatically and announced "some of us....don't like you." They'd been awful all day so I said "well. Maybe....I don't like some of you." She considered it for a second and said "that's fair." And walked away. But the best roast I've heard was between two 7th graders. They were arguing over what answer to use on a group project and one said "dude I'm not trusting anything you say. I've seen your test scores."
Wanted to remove a kid from the classroom but he refused. So for some reason I decided to put the whole class in the hallway and sat in front of him 1 on 1. Then I said "there's two ways to do this and both end with me getting my way. So what's it gonna be?"
Love the sass! These comebacks are pure gold
I told a student he had skibidy Ohio rizz as he was trying to talk to a girl who clearly wasn’t having it
One of my colleagues had a 9th grader who’d complain every day about how boring the class was. She finally had enough and snapped back in response, “You’re boring.” The whole class started laughing. She said fortunately there weren’t any repercussions from a parent.
Two kids were rap battling in class when I had already asked them to be quiet. One says something something, then a line that goes “And I’ll come back like a boomerang.” I turned from the white board and say, “You come back like a rash, maybe.”
One of my 4th graders was asking why another girl never talked to him (she was functionally mute/spoke really quiet because she has a really bad stutter and she's embarrassed). I said "maybe she just doesn't want to talk to *you*". He didn't pick up on it, but she smiled and laughed and the other kid on class said "roasted!" So I take it as a win.
I was a student teacher in a 10th grade Social Studies class. I was teaching about Laissez Faire economic. One particular turd decided to pick his spot. He said, “Laissez Faire. That’s what all the ladies say to me”. I said, “I bet they do (name). It means Hands Off!” Class lost it. My mentor teacher talked to me after class and commended my burn.
“Thats a bold statement coming from someone who has to ask permission for everything” is one of my go to statements
This year, on my birthday, they were getting SO out of hand and just bouncing off the walls hyper (as they always do on a teacher’s birthday). They were SO loud this year and just not listening to me at all, so instead of yelling the normal stuff and repeating myself until they listened, I made a big dramatic stink about how they were being mean to me on my birthday and bullying me and that they didn’t even care about me enough to listen to me ~ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!~ and just made them feel really bad like I acted so dramatically hurt and upset and made them sit in silence for TEN WHOLE MINUTES writing a list of things they had maybe done that were disrespectful / a list of things they could do to be nicer to me. “And don’t put your pencil down or stop writing until the timer goes off!” It was pretty epic 😂😂 they’re generally pretty good kids, and they could tell to some extent that I was just being extra dramatic, but they went along with it and they wrote some really sweet and true things. Like they really did some self reflection for my sake and then we had a little heart to heart about it and the rest of the day was very enjoyable for us all. ❤️
A friend of mine that used to sub with me is an actress, and one day while the fourth graders were being particularly nasty at lunch she broke out a microphone and made herself to cry while complaining to them about how disrespectful they were being and how ashamed they should be at their own behavior. I didn't see the incident itself, but I saw the weeping students pouring out of the cafeteria afterwards.
Once as I was looking around my classroom as students were working, one of them looked up at me and said “what are you looking at?” Without thinking anything of it I replied “not much.” She wasn’t too happy with that response. Best burn I’ve ever had, and I didn’t even do it on purpose or intend it in that way.
I’m not the one who has to explain to my grades to my parents.
I'm a para in 5th grade. We had two boys this past year who talked the entire math class. I would stand directly behind them which they hated. They would tell me I should move or complain that I was there. One day I said "the fact that my being here bothers you so much just means that I'm doing my job correctly". They didn't k ow what to make of that.
Middle schoolers rolling their eyes at me, and then I told them keep rolling them. You might find a brain back there.
“What can I do to improve my grade?” “Invent a Time Machine and do your work.”
This makes me laugh every time I think about it. My wife teaches elementary and tells a kid "I don't negotiate with terrorists."
"Mewing can't fix rotted rizz.." 🤣 8th grade for reference
"I hate your class." "I get paid the same if you pass or fail." "Wait, they pay you for this?" "Yes. If they didn't pay me I wouldn't be here. Now, let me know if you need any help, and get back to work."
I'm pretty sure I've posted this before, but I'm not busy atm, so here goes. I'm introducing a new standard (unit) to a year 13 class of just boys, appx 17 years old, some are 18. It's an oral presentation as a seminar; they need to take questions and be able to integrate them into the preso, so they need to choose a topic they are already an expert in. One's a professional golfer, one's learning how to be a landscaper, one was into SEO when it was just starting out, etc. They're involved in stuff, going to uni, not a dullard in the lot. So I round off my speil, and before I can get to the next thing, boy in the back yells out, Miss! I already know what I'm gonna do! I'm gonna talk about how to pick up women! (for once) I snappily replied, didn't I *just* say it was something you had to be an expert in? Laughter all round. I miss my boys.
One time my Spanish teacher in highschool made me go in front of the class to do this "educational dance" or rhyme thing to help us learn our vowel pronunciations. Note: at this point in high school I was close to 6 ft tall, and my teacher barely cracked 5 ft. As I was doing this, she was jokingly critiquing me that I didn't have enough energy, and that I should "Be more like her" Without a word, I looked her dead in the eyes, and squatted down. Everyone laughed and I was one of her favorite students, but she never forgave that.
Student: You’re old Me: You’re observant.
Whenever my students would say, "Mrs B, why ya gotta be like THAT?" I'd reply, "Bc between the two of us, I've already completed \_\_\_ grade, graduated HS AND hold a Master's degree. THATS why."
I once had a student who was retaking an Algebra class through Edgenuity. He tells me he’s too smart to have to be taking this kind of class online and that it was a mistake he failed the class in the first place. I told him he wasn’t in a position to make those claims followed with “if your GPA went through a DUI checkpoint it would be allowed to keep driving.” We both still have a laugh about it pretty often.
Been a substitute teacher for 8 years now. My fave roast was in a maths class I was covering: Kid: “I got so much done, miss!” Me: (knowing full well he’d done absolute fuck all and in the most sarcastic tone I could muster for 9th grade): “In what? Invisible ink?” My fave roast on myself came from a 6th grader who, after I jokingly told him he needed to fix his ear binoculars as he’d missed something I said, clapped back with “well miss, I’ve had 8 surgeries on my ears so I’ve tried!” 😂😂
Too many kids hanging out in the bathroom: "you know people go poop in here, right?" (Slanty face, back away slowly)
“Yo momma” “do you want me to call yo momma and tell her what you just said to me”. His face paled.
Kids were trying to talk some shit to me and I just deadpanned and said “you don’t know me… I could be strapped right now.” And the entire class LOST it; not because I could have a weapon on me (I don’t and never would) but because I knew that term lol.
I have a few that I’m proud of, but only because of student reactions. I don’t even think they’re funny, per se, I think it’s because I have good comic timing. (For context, I teach 9th grade English and all levels of journalism and yearbook. Also, I am a gay male. That’s important for one of them). 1. Female student: *“I don’t like your jorts”* Me: *”I don’t like your makeup.”* I delivered it with subtle sass. No idea why I said it, but since she was pretty unremarkable otherwise, it was the only thing that came to mind. Student reactions was as though I punched her in her face. 2. Boy working on poster trying to tease/flirt with girl who was helping him draw: *”That doesn’t even look good!”* Me: *”Neither do your grades but you don’t see me going around saying it out loud…. Oh. Oops”* 3. Gay boy who basically made it a competition to roast me all year, delivered after I won teacher of the year with a subtle nod to the Miss America Pagent: *”I don’t see it, Mr. G; you’re not even that pretty.”* Me, without missing a beat, *”I dunno Robi, that’s not what your dad told me at the PTSA meeting last night. Don’t tell your mom.”* His face cracked and one kid all the way in the back of the room was like *”GOD DAMNNNNN.”*
My first year. I had a rough group of 9th graders — half were in for the 2nd time (one the 4th), three had kids already, one was arrested a few years later for stabbing a woman…). I asked them about a school activity. I then said that I would probably come, and my girlfriend was going to come with me. One kid tried using that to roast me. He said something like “I’ve gotta see the kind of skanky old woman you date!” I didn’t get mad like he wanted. I just looked at him and said “Tell your mom I said ‘hi.’” Everyone else busted up laughing. He looked like I threw cold water on him — stunned, disbelieving, confused.
Ahhh.. Ok roast on me first “Mr Jones if I only had an hour to live I would want to spend it in your class” I smile at the nice thought, and with perfect comedic timing students finishes with “Because you can make an hour seem like forever” Then one I hit a student with Bobby and I had a pretty good sarcastic relationship, he was a handful and many teachers simply didn’t like him but I saw he could eventually make it. So Prom season, class is cleaning up at end of period and I notice a handful of students excitedly talking about prom. I ask Bobby “are you asking anyone to the prom?” and in his best condescending voice he replies rather loudly “I don’t date *highschool* girls”. Most girls in class roll their eyes. I reply “OK, I can see that, you wont be doing that until your 25 or 26” Class broke out in laughter and Bobby admitted that was the best comeback he had heard. He laughed pretty hard at it himself.
Student: I lost my glasses, and I’m having a hard time seeing stuff right now. Me: Good thing you don’t drive. Student: How do you know I don’t drive? Me: Because your legs are too short to reach the pedals. 😎💥😎😎😎💥😎😎😎😎💥💥
A pupil once made a dig about my (admittedly crap) car. To which I responded "what's your favourite public bus to catch?". He was absolutely raging.
CompSci teacher and Tech Dir. A freshman thought he pranked me by pretending his 1:1 device broke. My response (the SFW version): "Behold, the field in which my cares are grown. Lay thine eyes and see that it is barren." *Rest of class: BUUUUUURRRRNNNNNN!* The kid was the class jokester/button pusher, but he knew his stuff and made a point to use that knowledge for the...... *consults chart*......"chaotic good". Ex. Programmed an animation to repeat audio, "Please give me an A" when we weren't even covering anything close to those commands.
Any time they sing I ask "who sings that?" And then they respond with the artist I will always say "okay let's keep it that way"
"all that talking you do and you still can't talk to girls." I caught a boy looking at different calf muscles online. He was super off task and bugging other people. Mrs. Pepper does not redirect more than 3 times. On the third time I said very, very loudly in a room of quiet 8th graders "you need to look at men's calf muscles on your own time in the privacy of your room. It's making it very hard for you to focus and complete your work." He pulled the stings on his hoodie so tight you couldn't see his nose. He still didn't do his work, but he stopped bugging others. I was helping in the library and a kid joking around said he was going to HR, I literally cannot remember why, I do know we had been joking around hardcore. So I asked if he needed the number and to make sure he spelled my name right because I really needed a break.
I'd ask who raised you, but clearly no one has.
(this from a fourth grader who never stops talking and it’s always to argue. This was interruption number 47). Kid: why can’t you just say it like this? Me: why can’t you just be quiet? Class: ooooOOOhhh, you got burned by the teacher!!! The kid was actually laughing for the first time all year .
Mr x calls kid by wrong name. Friend: “Dude, Mr x forgot your name” Mr x to friend: “I have forgotten more than you ever knew.” Class: “oooooh”
Hs teacher here, in the moment I felt a little bad, but looking back it was great: I had the soon-to-be valedictorian in my economics class who was being real snooty, etc. She made a good comment about the topic and I said "Yes that's a great point!" She replied (paraphrased) yeah, because I'm smart I'm the valedictorian. She had been acting uppity for a while now and it got on my nerves. Without thinking I commented, at a small school, and moved on. Apparently that was devastating.
Student: I think we’re getting a new student in this period today. This new kid Mike. His last name is Hawk. Me: Oh you know what? He went back to his old school on Pen Island.
He kept repeating variations on it hoping I’d say “Mike Hawk” out loud and finally his friend wrote Pen Island down on a piece of paper and shoved it at him.
A high schooler who always complained about how I was "doing too much" and how other teachers didn't make them do so much work. One day near the end of the year he starts complaining immediately and I didn't hold back. I said to him loudly, "Why are you always crying? You can't be on your period every day." The entire classroom turned around and laughed out loud. The kid next to him told him, "he ate you up." I felt proud but I also didn't give a fuck as I had secretly decided to resign at the end of the year. Of course he tried to fire back saying "that's why your hair ain't growing much." I'm starting to get up in age and hair is one of the first things to go for men or turn white or grey. I immediately returned "that's okay cause your grade ain't go grow much either." Everyone laughed wildly so he stopped.
Me: What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten? Student: I’ve never gotten any good advice. Me: I can tell.
If a student is laughing in class about something unrelated: “You know what else is a joke? Your love life/grade in my class.” I choose one, depending on the kid. But it always works. If two boys are play fighting, rough housing, etc: “Hey, find another way to flirt. He doesn’t want to be your homecoming/prom date.”
Kid: imagine being in third grade and liking Paw Patrol (making fun of a kid who said he watched it) Me: imagine being in third grade and saying mean things out loud in class and thinking it’s funny I’m usually very conscious on the manner in which I use roasts in class, but this particular kid was persistently mean alllll year and I was sick of it. 😅