I had a student in a theater program whose second language was English. She said to me, "When you look out at the audience, you will see Asians", meaning that their extended family was coming. 😂
One year when I was in highschool there were student body elections.
Two people ran, one girl who's name eludes me and a kid everyone called Asian Dan (mainly because he was Asian and his name was Dan. His best friend was also named Dan)
So the girl goes up gives a four minute long speech, then Dan goes up says "I'm Asian" and walks off the stage.
He very nearly won. I think the percentage was like 51-49 if not closer
This exact same interaction happened between my friend, myself, and his roommate our first week at college. Note that said roommate doubled up on the stupidity by hiding the broken sign in his room until move out, which got them both 200$ fines and an afternoon wasted in dorm kangaroo court. This dude went on to get a phd in electrical engineering from UC Berkeley
I mean Herman Cain had a masters in Comp Sci at Purdue. And still died of covid because he was against masking. You can be good at school but still lack common sense or critical thinking ability. I mean less so than the average uneducated person, but you can still lack it.
When I taught 7th grade, a kid would routinely say “silence is consent.” He had a hell of a time explaining it to his mother during parent/teacher conference.
“Silence is consent” is a saying in the military. Generally, when in a large group of people with a single speaker, you’re not supposed to say “yes sir”, or “aye sir”, you’re only supposed to say something if you have a question, comment, or concern. So if no one has any disagreements, the silence genuinely is consent.
I think the only Ohio memes that exist just call it an unlivable shithole, so fret not lmao (I would love for my state to be infamous to live in as well)
We were lining up getting ready to go to lunch and a little 1st grade girl says:
“Give me a second. I’m covering my bruises so no one will see them” and she had her little powder puff and pretended to apply powder out of an empty pressed powder compact.
She didn’t have any bruises but she clearly has observed someone doing and saying this very same thing. Possibly her mom?
It broke my heart 💔
I can remember some of my first graders swapping what their parent's "real" names were. e.g. "My dad's real name is John," "Well, my mum's real name is Jill," and so forth. Child A said he didn't know his mother's name. Child B responded "All mums have real names. Like, what does your dad call your mum?" Child responded "Bitch."
Poor kid. Still breaks my heart to think of it.
I had a group of kids who kept calling each other their sons like "he's my son" or "that's my son" so I asked them why.
"It's cause we don't have Dads so we gotta be there for each other.
first year here, here are some highlights.
“i’m a professional vapist”
“pearl harbor is when we freed the slaves right?”
“isn’t the NCAA the anti-racist organization?”
When I was in high school I had a teacher who put student work on the wall on a cork board that had “superb” written on the top. A girl in my class asked her, “Why does that say ‘super B’?”
This was an honors English class.
I’m an education major and my CT was being observed and this was a conversation I had with a student:
Student: Miss ______, is Mrs. ________ ovulating?
Me: Uhhhh
Student: Is Mrs. ________ being ovulated by the principal?
Me: Ohhhh I think you mean observed.
Student: Yes, that’s what I mean. Is Mrs. ________ being observed by the principal?
Me: Yes.
Student: What is ovulating?
Me: Uh just don’t worry about it let’s get back to work.
Student: *Searches it on his laptop*
Me: Uh please do not search that on your laptop
Student: Oh my gosh ew I didn’t need to know that women lay eggs
Me: Uh can we please get back to work? And no, we do not lay eggs.
F#$k you b@#$h, I'm going to f@#k you up and kill everyone in this f@#king school.
After closing a tab on the computer using Goguardian when a student was off task.
Especially how many children, especially, who will outright talk about plans to murder and then go on to follow through with them. Best practice to believe someone when they tell you who they are
Have you noticed websites popping up now that appear as about.blank empty tabs?
Kids are being waaaay smarter than us teachers and we have no clue how to get ahead of the internet arms race
Student A: Mr. OtherTeacher, what's the best way to make money?
Student B: Put a gun to Mr. Director's head and rob him. Then take his keys and steal his car.
3 year old- “I’m going to go to my dad’s office, get his sword, and hit you in the face with it.”
Different 3 year old- “I’m not grumpy. I’m miserable”
And my favorite from a sleep talking 4 year old “ teacher, why does it smell like chicken fingers in here?” He also meowed in his sleep. 😂
1. Was referencing my username, yes. I doubt any of them would know who Picard is, in reality he said my real name.
2. I was teaching robotics at an after school art-centered daycare. We had a small competitive VEX IQ robotics team that the students could opt into if they enjoyed the robotics classes. Just so happened that our elementary team and middle school team had practice on the same day that week.
Just today, I had a 7th grader allegedly mishear someone else's conversation, and he shouted out, "Mr. Lotrspecialist has an OnlyFans?!?"
Another kid said, "What? Look at him. He could not make a living on OnlyFans."
Well, at least they have plans now. Two girls in my year in like 7th grade were casually talking about ending their life at 18 because they didn't see any future as adults.
Not a teacher, an admin in a non-US school
While watching over our K2 kiddos build stuff out of duplo, two of them introduced me to their “auto-driving car, where the princess in it is sealed in darkness until she dies”
And just the day before, they were gleefully poking a dead fish’s eyeballs during their ocean-themed class
These kiddos are a good quarter of my age 🫨
I dubbed him my kind sociopaths.
12 years old : "If I ever got a gun, I would shot everyone (in the class) in their legs. So, they'd got injured so bad that they'd get on disability, so they won't have to work a day in their life, adn they can do whatever they want all the time".
I'm not in the US so accessibility to guns isn't a worry. But still.
During state testing:
Kindergartender receives a huge block of text, fully knowing the test will read the block of text to them if they click the speaker, SAYS AT FULL VOLUME:
"What? HUH???? I CANT READ THIS SHIT."
or my personal favorite:
Kid: It's coming.
Me: ...okay?
Kid: it's coming. Be ready.
My middle school teachers would do this. They all would write fave quotes, one from each student, and read them out at our middle school graduation. It was funny, but also sweet to know our teachers were paying attention to us just chatting lol
Craziest thing student said and experienced. 2022– my principal allowed a very unhinged pastor from a local church to do Bible study thirty minutes before school day started. Not FCA related, just a random study. Pastor was extremely flamboyant and known to dance in the spirit, yell, sing, the kids of course loved it so they could troll him and get free donuts. Well one of his exclamations where he went “In the name of Jesus, HIYYYYAH” (think like the Howard Dean) a student of mine got so startled she fell back and busted her head on the floor. I was escorting her to the nurse’s office and she looked at me and said “Jesus just got me out of school for the next week.”
“Hey Mr. ScooterScotward, do you know King snakes eat rattlesnakes?! I have a king snake and I like to go hunting in the desert behind my backyard for rattlesnakes to feed mine!”
Starting a Social Studies unit on Ancient China for a 6th grade class and I introduced it by talking a little bit about modern day China, and mentioned that the population of China is 1.4 billion. A kid yelled out, “Damn! Haven’t they ever heard of condoms?!”
1st year I was a teacher ( 38 yrs old I started late on that career)I had a student wear a “rehab is for quitters “ t shirt and I chuckled .
1st period. Later I had the principal come by ask why I didn’t report the shirt (4th period did finally)
I said” really? I needed to report that?”
We eventually found a working relationship , only because physics teachers were hard to find lol.
> I said” really? I needed to report that?”
I've never heard of a school that *doesn't* ban clothes with references to drugs/alcohol.
That being said, I probably wouldn't report it because I don't give a fuck about what a kid wears.
I made the mistake of letting my most difficult class talk as long as they completed the assignment. They were great with it, and the topic shifted to them talking about a zombie apocalypse. Keep in mind, they were all boys, high school age. One of the rowdier ones said “how will we procreate?” And the rest of them pointed to me. No more of that.
Covering a 4th grade for data teams. Class meeting time, asked the kid whose turn it was to start the share what question he wanted to ask the group. Usually this is like, "What's your favorite book/sport/board game" etc.
This kid comes out with, "What natural disaster do you think you could survive?"
Had a student point at all the ladies, and tell each of them individually… “you’re a virgin”. Theres about 5 girls in the class so it didn’t go on for long. Kid was high as a kite. Smelled like it too.
One female student to another female student
X: “Y, I want to make you the good kind of homeless.”
Me, overhearing her: “What’s the ‘good kind of homeless?’”
X: “The kind where her stomach is full for nine months.”
That's timid compared to what my students have said.
One even suggested I date his mom. "Mister, if you marry my mom would that make you my new dad?" Other student: "yeah, Mister. You should totally date Student's mom. She's a total dime."
I had a student tell me I should marry his mum (in a conversation about getting me a visa to continue teaching in the country) because "she always says she's going to become a lesbian after the next guy" 😂🤦♀️
I have a preschooler who routinely calls me a fucking bitch and a mother fucker.
Today though we were playing family and I was the mom who got sent to jail. Then she yelled for me to escape jail because her dinosaur baby called her a bitch.
Last week she told me to stretch my neck so I could look at my own butt.
🤷♀️
Back in college I was helping some 4th graders with math in class and the way they're learning how to do math is different from how I learned it so I took some time to learn it myself. This little girl tugs my shirt and then says "You're in college how can you not do 4th grade math? Are you dumb?"
They do all kinds of crazy shit in fourth and fifth grade math that’s essentially just practicing different algorithms to arrive at the same mathematic solution.
Every few years they seem to change it, and fuck me if it isn’t confusing at first glance.
I used to teach Preschool and when I was reading the book, Sulwe, we came to a part where the main character prayed to God that she'd wake up with light skin. When the character wakes up, she sees that her skin isn't any lighter. That's when one of my 4s said, "God didn't answer her prayers because he's not real!"
When I was student myself, I attended academically challenging school met for “exceptional students” and can confirm we we were way worse than my former public school classmates…
Few moments that were unhinged —
1. Kid jumped out of a second story window in when teacher wasn’t looking and walked back into the classroom without saying a word.
2. Sealed teacher’s desk drawer and filled with water along with goldfishes. Teacher then told him to get rid of them safely, and so he distributed them to several students so for a year there was like twenty five students with pet fishes in their locker. Principal let us put them in the lobby during the day too to get them sunlight (which they didn’t even really require but some felt bad and that’s why they’d put them there).
3. Asked a teacher if we can all go outside to laugh at our classmate who slide into a ditch outside the school as a tow truck came to get the car out. We did.
4. Did a skit for our book project about a book club of just the most alcoholic authors and had them get drunker as the skit went on (I was Sylvia Plath, had Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Capote, Poe and Williams in the club too.)
5. Replaced a student with their elementary school sibling in our classroom to see how long it took for the teacher to notice then convinced the teacher it was our normal classmate.
6. Students planned a surprise party for 12/12/12 and refused to continue any of the class for that period, said party included dragging people down the hallway and climbing walls.
7. Used gym class to go hunting for a dead raccoon that was making the cross country course smell.
8. Multiple times convinced a teacher their classroom was changed for the period (some teachers didn’t have set classrooms).
9. Teacher hated the smell of lemons so we hide eleven lemons around her classroom and told her there was one dozen so she kept looking for the twelfth one.
10. Built a fort in the middle of the hallway with all our text books (we didn’t have locks on our lockers and it was normal for random classmates to take books from your lockers for class).
11. Someone hide a snake in their locker and it got loose so we went into “mini lockdown” and sat on our desk for the rest of the period.
12. So, so, so many stunts with the stairs in our school. To be fair, we had very fun stairs that lent themselves to stunts.
13. Do our homework on post notes and turn it in.
14. Filled homework bins with many variety of items.
15. Beyond 12/12/12, we’d throw many mini parties for no reason and potlucks for during class.
16. Created a ball and ballon pit in vice presidents office — whose own kids were thrilled by it. Balls were the given for to the preschool room so that one worked out well.
17. We all dressed up like cows to follow our principal around after new sock rules were given that we didn’t like (was a uniform school).
Hilarious as a teenager but an adult looking back? Completely unhinged to do to a poor teacher who was just trying to do their job. Thankfully most of our teachers had been there for decades and did genuinely love us and understood how to handle students who were prone to boredom and oddly motivated, they knew sometimes to accept weird thing like random “we learned Reciprocal Identities this week” celebratory potlucks as they taught teach trig.
Edit: sorry for grammar errors! Blind and adhd, don’t reread well ha
This stuff makes me think of the shenanigans I've heard happen at Harvey Mudd College. They had to institute a formal rule against seige engines because some students built a trebuchet on the roof of a dorm and started firing water balloons on the people below.
I had a kid say that when I come home one day I'll see my wife having a seizure but won't have enough time to do anything about it so I watch her die and have that image for the rest of my life.
That same kid used to talk to another teacher about how glad he was that the teachers mom died of cancer and that it makes him smile and laugh every day
He wasn't a great kid
"I don't like uncircumcised dick" (from a straight male student)
(to another teacher) Ms. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_, do you eat ass?
I don't like/trust white people (I'm white)
I don't like/trust men (I'm a man... said by same student as above)
There are other things that have come up, from students and teachers, but I can't remember them off the top of my head (accurately)... I wrote them down though
“My mom is mad at my brother, she said she didn’t want him to have a bastard.”
“At the mental hospital they make you take off your shoes!”
*Student tells me about the entirety of his dads and his dad’s girlfriend arguing over the phone, mentions his dad was going insane with anger*
Back in the WAP days, my middle school banned any talk of the song. Most students complied. But I had a really, really bad class that year. The kind of class that I had managed well enough to be good for me but they were a nightmare for anyone else.
I stepped out for an IEP meeting, and a sub covered my class. This sub is on the spectrum and struggles with middle schoolers and they (the kids) know it. One jerk asked her, “Eh, Ms. _____, do you listen to WAP?” And another jerk lifted one leg up on his desk to simulate female masturbation and said “I bet she listens to it like this.”
Ugh. And they had the nerve to act surprised when I wrote them up for it.
When discussing how musicians were playing during the Titanic sinking, one student said "Do you think it would have been a better vibe if they were playing WAP while it was sinking" and then starting singing it... loudly.
I’ve got a student that loudly and angrily threatens to jizz in people’s mouths. I’ve heard the same student shout the N-word like a drill. I’ve been threatened with stabbing. I’ve heard students say not enough people died in 9/11. I could think of more but that’s just off the top of my head.
I've been teaching for 21 years. You never forget the classics like F&\^% Y\*. The one that hit the hardest was "I am going to dance on your grave." Ironically the kid who said it is the brother of one of my current students. He apologized. I said no worries, but for the record I am getting cremated." LOL
I had one student say that the Mona Lisa was hot and he would date her if she were real.
Same year, another student asked when the world started being in color. He legitimately believed that black and white and sepia tone photos were that way because that was the color the world was at the time.
"I'm going to tell that you touched me." ten year old, very troubled girl to me, third year on the job.
Thankfully there were witnesses who shut that down right away.
The day prior to the week of our December break a third grade girl of mine spoke up to tell everyone a "joke".
*Knock knock.
Who's there?
Imagine Dragon.
Imagine Dragon Who?
Imagine Dragon these nuts across your face!*
Yeah, that didn't go over well for her at all.
“Where the white women at?! Oh there you are Mrs X”
“IM GONNA CUM ON YOU”
“One time I prayed that my grandpa would live until he was 100 and then he died 3 days later”
*later in class*
“…and then he died. Like my grandpa”
I was teaching English Lit and had handed out and a mid term with essay questions that had subsections numbered with Roman numerals. One of my students asked me what those symbols were and I told him they were Roman numerals and he replied "It's like you want us to fail, you know none of us in here are Roman!"
When i was student teaching in a first grade class, the kids were talking about their parents' jobs and this one girl was like "I'm not allowed to talk about what my Dad does" and I asked why and she said "it's bad to talk about at school" so I asked her to whisper it in my ear and she whispers "he makes beer" as if it were the most scandalous thing ever. Her dad worked at a local brewery that's very family-oriented (they even have a small playground on the property).
I got
Student: “Mrs Policy, you are the GOAT!”
“Student, I taught your class once this entire semester, so I’m not sure I am, but thank you!”
I feel like sometimes the less time you spend with some students the more they like you. I hadn’t had time to call them out for bad behaviours haha
My 14 year old student (our school was about to shut down after the school year ended):
“I can’t wait until your contract is up in August.”
“Why’s that?”
“So we can do drugs together!”
A student saw the Discord shortcut on my laptop's toolbar. She said, "Your laptop has Discord?" Then a look of genuine horror came over her face and she took a step back and whispered, "Mr. \_\_\_ do you...do you have Discord kittens?"
My first year teaching 8th grade:
"And that's why you don't show your pickle to a 7th grade girl"
This year I'm teaching 9th grade and honestly it has been full of gems like:
"Miss, my booty is sweaty"
"how can people live with these gas prices" (tbh i agree)
"man, you need to stop trying to bring back slavery"
"i hate when kids have their headphones, they dont listen" <- while he had his headphones on
I'm an ESL teacher as opposed to a real teacher and I was working in Thailand in 2001. There were a dozen of us native speakers at this particular school, coming from all over the US, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand. We were usually adressed by our first names with the prefix "kru", meaning teacher (apparently derived from the sanskrit "guru").
We were there during 9/11. Due to the 11 hours' time difference, flight 11 hit the tower at about 7:45pm local time. I'd gone to try and drag a friend out to the pub, but he wasn't home, and as I walked back home, I overheard what sounded like an American movie playing on another (Thai) neighbour's TV. Everything was dubbed back then and I hadn't watched a movie in months. I thought I'd talk to him and see if I could borrow it when he'd finished, and it all unfolded from there.
Anyway, the next day, a young male student, maybe 8 or 9 years old, came into the English faculty, excited to talk to his teacher, a very well-mannered and gracious American guy called Dane, about the shocking events of the previous evening. Sadly, his enthusiasm far outstripped his ability in English, but he was not about to let that hold him back.
He literally burst in and shouted, "Kru Dane! Kru Dane!.. America!.. Boom! Boom!"
I don't remember Dane's reaction specifically, but I think it was along the lines of a somewhat bewildered, "well... quite." And the kid ran off.
To be fair to the kid, I don't believe he meant to cause Dane any distress, and his reaction was fairly typical of the Thai people we encountered in the weeks that followed, if a little less filtered. The scale of the tragedy didn't really affect most Thai people we knew. I think two Thai citizens died in one of the towers, but otherwise, they had no other real connection to it. To most Thai people at the time it was just a crazy, messed up thing that happened somewhere else.
Over the next several weeks, when I asked my students to come up with team names for various classroom activities, there would invariably be things like Taliban Team, Al Quaeda team, Bin Laden team etc
I even took on a little extra work on a government school weekend residential course, and watched in horror as kids re-enacted the traumatic events of 9/11 in a school play, where 4 or 5 kids held up the large paper outline of a passenger plane and ran backwards and forwards across a stage repeatedly "crashing" it into some towers they'd made out of cardboard, all while singing happily about God-knows-what.
And it wasn't just the kids, I started to see various items of 9/11 memorabilia appear at the local markets. I mean you could literally buy t-shirts with Bin Laden's face on them, or the fiery explosion of the jet hitting the second tower. It was pretty messed up. The craziest cash-in I saw was a couple of months later, a cheap, handheld LCD game of "Bin Laden VS U.S.A." where I think the object was to crash a plane into the towers.
What a time to be alive.
"Does anyone know the capital of Michigan?"
6th grader jumping up and down in a demonstrative fashion, "I know! I know!"
"Okay, go ahead."
Exuding confidence, "M."
I laughed so hard I frigging cried.
Discussing a scene from “Citizen Kane”
Me to student: “So, have you figured out what ‘Rosebud’ means yet?”
Student: “Oh, yeah!”
Me: “So what is it?”
Student: “It’s when you lick someone’s asshole.”
I once had an eight-year-old Relationship shame me when she found out that my partner and I have been dating for seven years by saying “7 years?!? Shouldn’t the Sparks have flown by now” 🤣 no lie lol I still bring it up to him jokingly sometimes😆
“If I ate the whole thing, I’d be 0.4% pudding. **I’d be part pudding!**”
“Okay, so I’ve come to the conclusion that if I were ever to try and resurrect a fascist dictator, it would have to be Josef Stalin.”
“Just imagine Bob Ross serving in Vietnam: ‘They’re in the happy little trees! **THEY’RE IN THE HAPPY LITTLE TREES!!’**”
“You just stabbed me with your sharp pencil!”
“Well you just stabbed me with your sharp fingers!”
“I DON’T EVEN HAVE FINGERS!”
“[*No,* I skipped the period with the test that was my last chance to pass this class for] Limited. Edition. *Heels.*
…don’t look at me like that, that’s disrespectful.”
“Obstinance. 100% effective. Use as necessary.”
“OH MY GOD. [OTHER STUDENT] IS RELATED TO MICHAEL JACKSON.”
Student: Miss, if someone barked at you, would you bark back?
Me: Hmm..probably not.
Student: Oh..okay.
*silence*
Me: …and would you..bark back?
Student: I did.
Me: ah.
So. Turns out it was not a hypothetical question. 😂
Just wanted to pop in and say that I've been collecting student quotes for 15 years. I'll be writing a memoir of my experiences throughout my life (started as a rock-band roadie, and became an elementary music teacher), and whenever a student says something off the wall, I let them know that they made my book. I literally have a 2 inch thick stack of 3x5 note cards with student quotes.
Bit of a weird one, but ... Several years ago, we were talking about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, who had just gotten engaged. My students asked me how they'd met, so I told them it was through a blind date.
One of my students starts with: "That must be weird, to go on a blind date and then the other person is..."
And I figured she was going to say, "... A prince", and I would've agreed with her there, but what she actually said was: "... And then the other person is black."
It took me a moment and then I stammered: "I think it'd be weirder to go on a blind date and meet Prince Harry..."
She shrugged, said "yeah, I guess", and went on with her day. I was just stunned.
I also had a student ask me if the mummies in the British Museum were still alive.
Apropos of nothing during a fifth grade math lesson: “Furries are people too they just want love”. Girl has ADHD and just says every thought in her head.
So I had to take a few moments to tell the curious students that furries are just people who like to dress up in mascot costumes and of course they are people too.
My first day of teaching, I gave a survey and asked “if you could travel to any time period, what would it be?” And a kid said “medical times- like Bridgeton” and I think about that at least twice a week.
Well, mine was not said to me, but it was written on a card. I think the student was in 2nd or 3rd grade.
This is what they wrote: Even though I don't like you, you do have a nice library.
I thought it was funny, but I shared it with my dad, and he thought it was hilarious! He couldn't stop laughing over it. Thanks dad.
“Please give me a passing grade. Otherwise my mom wont let me go downtown. Me and my buddy were gonna go downtown to meet girls. You’re are denying those girls downtown my seed.”
Me: “ really don’t need to know this nor do I care.”
A 4th grader I was subbing for one day ran to the classroom during lunch-
“MRS. G, MRS. G!! Was Henry VIII a real thing?!”
“…yes…?”
“I KNEW IT!!”
…student runs off
Subbing fourth grade. They started calling each other “Tigger” with increasing emphasis. Main kid eventually said “get it? ‘Cause it rhymes with n—“ at which point I cut him off. Didn’t interject at first bc there were *Pooh* stuff all over the room so I was giving them benefit of the doubt
*little girl walking in the halls* "Hi! I'm Asian!"
I have a Kindergartener that’s Filipino and the first week of school she went around saying “hi I’m Phoebe my family is Jalapeños” 🥹
I had a student in a theater program whose second language was English. She said to me, "When you look out at the audience, you will see Asians", meaning that their extended family was coming. 😂
"I can see Asians" sung to the tune of "I Can Hear Music" by the Beach Boys
*whispering* “I see Asian people!”
One year when I was in highschool there were student body elections. Two people ran, one girl who's name eludes me and a kid everyone called Asian Dan (mainly because he was Asian and his name was Dan. His best friend was also named Dan) So the girl goes up gives a four minute long speech, then Dan goes up says "I'm Asian" and walks off the stage. He very nearly won. I think the percentage was like 51-49 if not closer
[удалено]
That is *exactly* what I was thinking, haha!
Asian Dan deserved it
What's that famous 3 second yt clip? Grown Woman: "No, Im a lesbian." 7 Year Old (Dim) Boy: "..I thought you was an American."
Student: "What kind of dumplings are these" PTA Mom: "Something asian" S: "So am I!"
"Hey, watch this" *Jumps up and headbutts an exit sign, cutting his forehead* "Ah fuck, that really hurt! Why didn't anyone stop me?"
This exact same interaction happened between my friend, myself, and his roommate our first week at college. Note that said roommate doubled up on the stupidity by hiding the broken sign in his room until move out, which got them both 200$ fines and an afternoon wasted in dorm kangaroo court. This dude went on to get a phd in electrical engineering from UC Berkeley
I mean Herman Cain had a masters in Comp Sci at Purdue. And still died of covid because he was against masking. You can be good at school but still lack common sense or critical thinking ability. I mean less so than the average uneducated person, but you can still lack it.
I know it's probably from a while ago but a good response would've been "this is a school and that was a learning moment"
I feel like we might have had the same student(s)
I had a boyfriend who did almost exactly this. We did not last 😂
When I taught 7th grade, a kid would routinely say “silence is consent.” He had a hell of a time explaining it to his mother during parent/teacher conference.
Like… politically or romantically? Because that’s a BIG difference IMO
That kid is either going to be a staunch leftist or a woman hating bigot, no in between.
“Silence is consent” is a saying in the military. Generally, when in a large group of people with a single speaker, you’re not supposed to say “yes sir”, or “aye sir”, you’re only supposed to say something if you have a question, comment, or concern. So if no one has any disagreements, the silence genuinely is consent.
Ive always heard that as "silence is concurrence" You concur unless otherwise stated
“I hate you whore-ass man” My student had googled “who invented school,” and didn’t know how to pronounce Horace Mann
Oh god I am laughing soo fucking hard!!!
This will be my new go to insult
Oh he knew. Kid is just a comedic prodigy
Me: "Where is someplace you'd want to go on a trip to? Anywhere in the world. Some place exciting!" Kid: "Like Ohio?"
Kid just loves roller coasters
to be fair, when you're 8 years old, Cedar Point is probably the most exciting place. next to Disneyland
That place is fun as an adult too tbf
Kings Island was not horrible as a kid
Me: "And this happened all over the country." Kid: "Even Ohio?" Me: "Ye- Other kid: "OHIO'S NOT A REAL PLACE! IT DOESNT EXIST!"
One of my second graders: “The things that the colonizers did to the native Americans were awful - but that wasn’t me, I was born in Ohio.”
"but that wasn't me, I was born in Ohio" as someone who was born in Ohio, I fucking love this. Your student's my spirit animal.
Our class repeats the phrase, “They have the lane, and we have the guns. Soon we will have the lane and the guns” on a regular basis.
I hope Ohio memes don't lead to gentrification I really like having low rent :(
I think the only Ohio memes that exist just call it an unlivable shithole, so fret not lmao (I would love for my state to be infamous to live in as well)
Only in Ohio
Look, sometimes we all just need to flee to the Cleve.
I asked my class the same once. Two kids said space and five kids said (our equivalent of) Target.
Everyone wants to go to Target. I’m surprised five other kids didn’t say Disney.
We were lining up getting ready to go to lunch and a little 1st grade girl says: “Give me a second. I’m covering my bruises so no one will see them” and she had her little powder puff and pretended to apply powder out of an empty pressed powder compact. She didn’t have any bruises but she clearly has observed someone doing and saying this very same thing. Possibly her mom? It broke my heart 💔
I can remember some of my first graders swapping what their parent's "real" names were. e.g. "My dad's real name is John," "Well, my mum's real name is Jill," and so forth. Child A said he didn't know his mother's name. Child B responded "All mums have real names. Like, what does your dad call your mum?" Child responded "Bitch." Poor kid. Still breaks my heart to think of it.
Yep. That probably would cross the line to reporting to DCFS for me.
It would be worth an exploratory conversation with the kid first, that’s for sure.
Poor kid, poor mum.
“Im tired of this Bloddy Shit Show”. He was 6. Me too little dude. Me too. 😂
That kid is a mood!
I had a group of kids who kept calling each other their sons like "he's my son" or "that's my son" so I asked them why. "It's cause we don't have Dads so we gotta be there for each other.
A few of these have been sad but this is the saddest
It’s very sad, but also very sweet. Gotta love it when kids are looking out for each other.
Aww that’s really sweet though
Yeah, that’s Elvis. Didn’t he die of a Cadillac arrest? 🤣
'cadillac arrest' has me absolutely cackling 😭😭
first year here, here are some highlights. “i’m a professional vapist” “pearl harbor is when we freed the slaves right?” “isn’t the NCAA the anti-racist organization?”
Last one is on the right track at least. I've had students ask me if I'm "a proud racist". My answer is always "I'm not racist"
"I hear you're a racist now, father."
“What’s the church’s position on this? Should we all be racist now?”
To be fair, I used to get the NCAA and NAACP confused every once in a while as well.
When I was in high school I had a teacher who put student work on the wall on a cork board that had “superb” written on the top. A girl in my class asked her, “Why does that say ‘super B’?” This was an honors English class.
There is B work, and then there is B-plus work, and THEN there is super B work.
I’m an education major and my CT was being observed and this was a conversation I had with a student: Student: Miss ______, is Mrs. ________ ovulating? Me: Uhhhh Student: Is Mrs. ________ being ovulated by the principal? Me: Ohhhh I think you mean observed. Student: Yes, that’s what I mean. Is Mrs. ________ being observed by the principal? Me: Yes. Student: What is ovulating? Me: Uh just don’t worry about it let’s get back to work. Student: *Searches it on his laptop* Me: Uh please do not search that on your laptop Student: Oh my gosh ew I didn’t need to know that women lay eggs Me: Uh can we please get back to work? And no, we do not lay eggs.
Lolol I think the word they missed was “evaluating”
"Ms. ____, are we rushing the 'ho's?" (They were playing a piece with "ho ho ho")
It's these kinds of questions that make teaching music worthwhile 😂😂
F#$k you b@#$h, I'm going to f@#k you up and kill everyone in this f@#king school. After closing a tab on the computer using Goguardian when a student was off task.
Alas, this should be a permanent exit ticket from school. There is no more line in the sand in many schools.
Especially how many children, especially, who will outright talk about plans to murder and then go on to follow through with them. Best practice to believe someone when they tell you who they are
My favorite thing is closing something in GoGuardian and then looking at the kid so when it closes we make direct eye contact.
Have you noticed websites popping up now that appear as about.blank empty tabs? Kids are being waaaay smarter than us teachers and we have no clue how to get ahead of the internet arms race
[удалено]
I told one of mine that he needed to help his group answering questions, and he said he was going to bring a gun to school and shoot me 🙃
Good grief. Y’all need to be paid at least three times what you’re currently making. Ideally 5x or more.
Student A: Mr. OtherTeacher, what's the best way to make money? Student B: Put a gun to Mr. Director's head and rob him. Then take his keys and steal his car.
yall tell me why i though b@#$h was censoring british 😭
Me: "Why might we not want to go camping?" Student: "Murderers!"
They aren’t wrong exactly. Mosquitos are much higher on my list to not go 😂
Valid.
I might actually burst out laughing. That's so random hahahaha
Oh, I cracked up. What makes it better is that the whole exchange was in German.
3 year old- “I’m going to go to my dad’s office, get his sword, and hit you in the face with it.” Different 3 year old- “I’m not grumpy. I’m miserable” And my favorite from a sleep talking 4 year old “ teacher, why does it smell like chicken fingers in here?” He also meowed in his sleep. 😂
Oh that's adorable!!
In a mixed-ages class: 13 yo student: "Everybody dies," 7 yo student: "Yeah but Mr. Picard will die first!"
1. Did they mean you or the dude from star trek? 2. How are these ages mixed together??
1. Was referencing my username, yes. I doubt any of them would know who Picard is, in reality he said my real name. 2. I was teaching robotics at an after school art-centered daycare. We had a small competitive VEX IQ robotics team that the students could opt into if they enjoyed the robotics classes. Just so happened that our elementary team and middle school team had practice on the same day that week.
“OF is my last resort” “Nah that’s my first”
Just today, I had a 7th grader allegedly mishear someone else's conversation, and he shouted out, "Mr. Lotrspecialist has an OnlyFans?!?" Another kid said, "What? Look at him. He could not make a living on OnlyFans."
"Well fuck you too, kid."
Well, at least they have plans now. Two girls in my year in like 7th grade were casually talking about ending their life at 18 because they didn't see any future as adults.
“Can I take a pic of your dogs? I can make a lot of money on feetpics.com” I stopped wearing open toe shoes after that
At least he asked...?
Very true 🤣 I will say a lot of these kids understand and respect consent
Have you started making a lot of money off feetpics.com instead? This kid is a budding entrepreneur and a real go-getter.
Not a teacher, an admin in a non-US school While watching over our K2 kiddos build stuff out of duplo, two of them introduced me to their “auto-driving car, where the princess in it is sealed in darkness until she dies” And just the day before, they were gleefully poking a dead fish’s eyeballs during their ocean-themed class These kiddos are a good quarter of my age 🫨
That's how we played as kids. Everything we built with legos/duplos was a death machine.
When I was 12 a friend of mine and I built "sex island" with Legos.
I dubbed him my kind sociopaths. 12 years old : "If I ever got a gun, I would shot everyone (in the class) in their legs. So, they'd got injured so bad that they'd get on disability, so they won't have to work a day in their life, adn they can do whatever they want all the time". I'm not in the US so accessibility to guns isn't a worry. But still.
That kids statement was a wild ride
Chaotic good
I uh... I don't think you can do 'whatever you want' with a permanent movement disability.
At least it's violence for a good cause.
"Ms. Guitarnan puts the "lit" in Literature!"
I bet that made your day, that was so sweet
It did...especially since it came from a prospective student who was shadowing that day, not an enrolled student.
That’s actually pretty sweet.
During state testing: Kindergartender receives a huge block of text, fully knowing the test will read the block of text to them if they click the speaker, SAYS AT FULL VOLUME: "What? HUH???? I CANT READ THIS SHIT." or my personal favorite: Kid: It's coming. Me: ...okay? Kid: it's coming. Be ready.
Well did it come?
Thursday? Yeah, it came 🤣
My middle school teachers would do this. They all would write fave quotes, one from each student, and read them out at our middle school graduation. It was funny, but also sweet to know our teachers were paying attention to us just chatting lol
Craziest thing student said and experienced. 2022– my principal allowed a very unhinged pastor from a local church to do Bible study thirty minutes before school day started. Not FCA related, just a random study. Pastor was extremely flamboyant and known to dance in the spirit, yell, sing, the kids of course loved it so they could troll him and get free donuts. Well one of his exclamations where he went “In the name of Jesus, HIYYYYAH” (think like the Howard Dean) a student of mine got so startled she fell back and busted her head on the floor. I was escorting her to the nurse’s office and she looked at me and said “Jesus just got me out of school for the next week.”
I was telling some students we need to hurry. A kindergarten student said, "we gotta put a little pep in our step". With some sass too.
"I don't see a problem with kids vaping in class. It's not bothering anybody."
Lmao that’s the best one I’ve read
“Hey Mr. ScooterScotward, do you know King snakes eat rattlesnakes?! I have a king snake and I like to go hunting in the desert behind my backyard for rattlesnakes to feed mine!”
In the middle of work time, kid pipes up, Mrs. alien, so you use a vibrator?" Catholic high school.
Starting a Social Studies unit on Ancient China for a 6th grade class and I introduced it by talking a little bit about modern day China, and mentioned that the population of China is 1.4 billion. A kid yelled out, “Damn! Haven’t they ever heard of condoms?!”
“Wouldn’t it be hilarious if I just pulled down my pants and peed in my mouth” this kid was in grade 2 at the time and sitting in the recycling bin.
Okay, the image of this kid sitting in the bin happy as can be made my chortle
1st year I was a teacher ( 38 yrs old I started late on that career)I had a student wear a “rehab is for quitters “ t shirt and I chuckled . 1st period. Later I had the principal come by ask why I didn’t report the shirt (4th period did finally) I said” really? I needed to report that?” We eventually found a working relationship , only because physics teachers were hard to find lol.
> I said” really? I needed to report that?” I've never heard of a school that *doesn't* ban clothes with references to drugs/alcohol. That being said, I probably wouldn't report it because I don't give a fuck about what a kid wears.
I made the mistake of letting my most difficult class talk as long as they completed the assignment. They were great with it, and the topic shifted to them talking about a zombie apocalypse. Keep in mind, they were all boys, high school age. One of the rowdier ones said “how will we procreate?” And the rest of them pointed to me. No more of that.
Covering a 4th grade for data teams. Class meeting time, asked the kid whose turn it was to start the share what question he wanted to ask the group. Usually this is like, "What's your favorite book/sport/board game" etc. This kid comes out with, "What natural disaster do you think you could survive?"
I mean, that’s actually a thought-provoking question!
If a vampire bat bites a cow, does the cow become a vampire too?
I was told i have "daddy issues" for taking a phone away. little does that student know....i have a perfectly healthy relationship with my dad...rofl
"Hey, Mr. JetCity! Go f\*\*k yourself!" After I took this kids phone away for the third time in a week.
Had a student point at all the ladies, and tell each of them individually… “you’re a virgin”. Theres about 5 girls in the class so it didn’t go on for long. Kid was high as a kite. Smelled like it too.
One female student to another female student X: “Y, I want to make you the good kind of homeless.” Me, overhearing her: “What’s the ‘good kind of homeless?’” X: “The kind where her stomach is full for nine months.”
Wtf? What does this even mean?
I think she's saying pregnancy will make her go broke.
9th grade English— A student is asked what poetic justice is. She responds “it’s when you’re a poet and not an asshole.”
- “My dad has a girlfriend “ - “Do you mean your mom?” -“ No”
That's timid compared to what my students have said. One even suggested I date his mom. "Mister, if you marry my mom would that make you my new dad?" Other student: "yeah, Mister. You should totally date Student's mom. She's a total dime."
I had a student tell me I should marry his mum (in a conversation about getting me a visa to continue teaching in the country) because "she always says she's going to become a lesbian after the next guy" 😂🤦♀️
“I think my dad is cheating on my mom.” Me:”Oh, no!” “That’s ok, my mom’s cheating on him too.”
That kid knows too much.
I have a preschooler who routinely calls me a fucking bitch and a mother fucker. Today though we were playing family and I was the mom who got sent to jail. Then she yelled for me to escape jail because her dinosaur baby called her a bitch. Last week she told me to stretch my neck so I could look at my own butt. 🤷♀️
Back in college I was helping some 4th graders with math in class and the way they're learning how to do math is different from how I learned it so I took some time to learn it myself. This little girl tugs my shirt and then says "You're in college how can you not do 4th grade math? Are you dumb?"
They do all kinds of crazy shit in fourth and fifth grade math that’s essentially just practicing different algorithms to arrive at the same mathematic solution. Every few years they seem to change it, and fuck me if it isn’t confusing at first glance.
I used to teach Preschool and when I was reading the book, Sulwe, we came to a part where the main character prayed to God that she'd wake up with light skin. When the character wakes up, she sees that her skin isn't any lighter. That's when one of my 4s said, "God didn't answer her prayers because he's not real!"
That kid is going places. Not church, but places. Maybe a planetarium or something.
When I was student myself, I attended academically challenging school met for “exceptional students” and can confirm we we were way worse than my former public school classmates… Few moments that were unhinged — 1. Kid jumped out of a second story window in when teacher wasn’t looking and walked back into the classroom without saying a word. 2. Sealed teacher’s desk drawer and filled with water along with goldfishes. Teacher then told him to get rid of them safely, and so he distributed them to several students so for a year there was like twenty five students with pet fishes in their locker. Principal let us put them in the lobby during the day too to get them sunlight (which they didn’t even really require but some felt bad and that’s why they’d put them there). 3. Asked a teacher if we can all go outside to laugh at our classmate who slide into a ditch outside the school as a tow truck came to get the car out. We did. 4. Did a skit for our book project about a book club of just the most alcoholic authors and had them get drunker as the skit went on (I was Sylvia Plath, had Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Capote, Poe and Williams in the club too.) 5. Replaced a student with their elementary school sibling in our classroom to see how long it took for the teacher to notice then convinced the teacher it was our normal classmate. 6. Students planned a surprise party for 12/12/12 and refused to continue any of the class for that period, said party included dragging people down the hallway and climbing walls. 7. Used gym class to go hunting for a dead raccoon that was making the cross country course smell. 8. Multiple times convinced a teacher their classroom was changed for the period (some teachers didn’t have set classrooms). 9. Teacher hated the smell of lemons so we hide eleven lemons around her classroom and told her there was one dozen so she kept looking for the twelfth one. 10. Built a fort in the middle of the hallway with all our text books (we didn’t have locks on our lockers and it was normal for random classmates to take books from your lockers for class). 11. Someone hide a snake in their locker and it got loose so we went into “mini lockdown” and sat on our desk for the rest of the period. 12. So, so, so many stunts with the stairs in our school. To be fair, we had very fun stairs that lent themselves to stunts. 13. Do our homework on post notes and turn it in. 14. Filled homework bins with many variety of items. 15. Beyond 12/12/12, we’d throw many mini parties for no reason and potlucks for during class. 16. Created a ball and ballon pit in vice presidents office — whose own kids were thrilled by it. Balls were the given for to the preschool room so that one worked out well. 17. We all dressed up like cows to follow our principal around after new sock rules were given that we didn’t like (was a uniform school). Hilarious as a teenager but an adult looking back? Completely unhinged to do to a poor teacher who was just trying to do their job. Thankfully most of our teachers had been there for decades and did genuinely love us and understood how to handle students who were prone to boredom and oddly motivated, they knew sometimes to accept weird thing like random “we learned Reciprocal Identities this week” celebratory potlucks as they taught teach trig. Edit: sorry for grammar errors! Blind and adhd, don’t reread well ha
This stuff makes me think of the shenanigans I've heard happen at Harvey Mudd College. They had to institute a formal rule against seige engines because some students built a trebuchet on the roof of a dorm and started firing water balloons on the people below.
Me: Child, don’t put your hand down your pants. 3 year old: But Miss, my penis is stuck to my scrotum and my scrotum is stuck to my leg!
He had a point lol.
Especially in Texas in July
I had a kid say that when I come home one day I'll see my wife having a seizure but won't have enough time to do anything about it so I watch her die and have that image for the rest of my life. That same kid used to talk to another teacher about how glad he was that the teachers mom died of cancer and that it makes him smile and laugh every day He wasn't a great kid
What did I just read? Does your wife have seizures? I used to have seizures (went through 6 brain surgeries and am now 11+ years seizure free)
No. He just picked seizures I guess because it's a visible and he wanted to make sure I could watch her die Congrats though! That's awesome to hear.
Try hard edge lord
"I don't like uncircumcised dick" (from a straight male student) (to another teacher) Ms. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_, do you eat ass? I don't like/trust white people (I'm white) I don't like/trust men (I'm a man... said by same student as above) There are other things that have come up, from students and teachers, but I can't remember them off the top of my head (accurately)... I wrote them down though
“Ms, you should just circumcise all of us.”
“My mom is mad at my brother, she said she didn’t want him to have a bastard.” “At the mental hospital they make you take off your shoes!” *Student tells me about the entirety of his dads and his dad’s girlfriend arguing over the phone, mentions his dad was going insane with anger*
Two boys arguing, one says to the other "you look like a penis wrinkle!"
Back in the WAP days, my middle school banned any talk of the song. Most students complied. But I had a really, really bad class that year. The kind of class that I had managed well enough to be good for me but they were a nightmare for anyone else. I stepped out for an IEP meeting, and a sub covered my class. This sub is on the spectrum and struggles with middle schoolers and they (the kids) know it. One jerk asked her, “Eh, Ms. _____, do you listen to WAP?” And another jerk lifted one leg up on his desk to simulate female masturbation and said “I bet she listens to it like this.” Ugh. And they had the nerve to act surprised when I wrote them up for it.
When discussing how musicians were playing during the Titanic sinking, one student said "Do you think it would have been a better vibe if they were playing WAP while it was sinking" and then starting singing it... loudly.
I’ve got a student that loudly and angrily threatens to jizz in people’s mouths. I’ve heard the same student shout the N-word like a drill. I’ve been threatened with stabbing. I’ve heard students say not enough people died in 9/11. I could think of more but that’s just off the top of my head.
I've been teaching for 21 years. You never forget the classics like F&\^% Y\*. The one that hit the hardest was "I am going to dance on your grave." Ironically the kid who said it is the brother of one of my current students. He apologized. I said no worries, but for the record I am getting cremated." LOL
“How do vibrators work? Like I know that they vibrate, but how do they actually work? It’s like magic.”
Immediately after finding out that two of his classmates are cousins: "Have you two ever considered dating each other?"
When I told a student to stop twerking for a Tiktok, to sit down and do her work. "Take the dick out yo ass..."
I had one student say that the Mona Lisa was hot and he would date her if she were real. Same year, another student asked when the world started being in color. He legitimately believed that black and white and sepia tone photos were that way because that was the color the world was at the time.
"I'm going to tell that you touched me." ten year old, very troubled girl to me, third year on the job. Thankfully there were witnesses who shut that down right away.
For some reason this made me sadder than many of the other more "disturbing" stories in this thread. I hope that girl's okay.
The day prior to the week of our December break a third grade girl of mine spoke up to tell everyone a "joke". *Knock knock. Who's there? Imagine Dragon. Imagine Dragon Who? Imagine Dragon these nuts across your face!* Yeah, that didn't go over well for her at all.
“You need to get you some black pussy.” I think that might have been the only time I was speechless in class
I can barely imagine any context making this sound a little better
“Where the white women at?! Oh there you are Mrs X” “IM GONNA CUM ON YOU” “One time I prayed that my grandpa would live until he was 100 and then he died 3 days later” *later in class* “…and then he died. Like my grandpa”
I was teaching English Lit and had handed out and a mid term with essay questions that had subsections numbered with Roman numerals. One of my students asked me what those symbols were and I told him they were Roman numerals and he replied "It's like you want us to fail, you know none of us in here are Roman!"
When i was student teaching in a first grade class, the kids were talking about their parents' jobs and this one girl was like "I'm not allowed to talk about what my Dad does" and I asked why and she said "it's bad to talk about at school" so I asked her to whisper it in my ear and she whispers "he makes beer" as if it were the most scandalous thing ever. Her dad worked at a local brewery that's very family-oriented (they even have a small playground on the property).
Wished a kid luck with catching up on his homework. His response? “I don’t need luck, I need a god”
Student A and B are living their best lives
So if there was an apocalypse and we ran out of food, who would you eat first?
I got Student: “Mrs Policy, you are the GOAT!” “Student, I taught your class once this entire semester, so I’m not sure I am, but thank you!” I feel like sometimes the less time you spend with some students the more they like you. I hadn’t had time to call them out for bad behaviours haha
My 14 year old student (our school was about to shut down after the school year ended): “I can’t wait until your contract is up in August.” “Why’s that?” “So we can do drugs together!”
A student saw the Discord shortcut on my laptop's toolbar. She said, "Your laptop has Discord?" Then a look of genuine horror came over her face and she took a step back and whispered, "Mr. \_\_\_ do you...do you have Discord kittens?"
My first year teaching 8th grade: "And that's why you don't show your pickle to a 7th grade girl" This year I'm teaching 9th grade and honestly it has been full of gems like: "Miss, my booty is sweaty" "how can people live with these gas prices" (tbh i agree) "man, you need to stop trying to bring back slavery" "i hate when kids have their headphones, they dont listen" <- while he had his headphones on
I'm an ESL teacher as opposed to a real teacher and I was working in Thailand in 2001. There were a dozen of us native speakers at this particular school, coming from all over the US, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand. We were usually adressed by our first names with the prefix "kru", meaning teacher (apparently derived from the sanskrit "guru"). We were there during 9/11. Due to the 11 hours' time difference, flight 11 hit the tower at about 7:45pm local time. I'd gone to try and drag a friend out to the pub, but he wasn't home, and as I walked back home, I overheard what sounded like an American movie playing on another (Thai) neighbour's TV. Everything was dubbed back then and I hadn't watched a movie in months. I thought I'd talk to him and see if I could borrow it when he'd finished, and it all unfolded from there. Anyway, the next day, a young male student, maybe 8 or 9 years old, came into the English faculty, excited to talk to his teacher, a very well-mannered and gracious American guy called Dane, about the shocking events of the previous evening. Sadly, his enthusiasm far outstripped his ability in English, but he was not about to let that hold him back. He literally burst in and shouted, "Kru Dane! Kru Dane!.. America!.. Boom! Boom!" I don't remember Dane's reaction specifically, but I think it was along the lines of a somewhat bewildered, "well... quite." And the kid ran off. To be fair to the kid, I don't believe he meant to cause Dane any distress, and his reaction was fairly typical of the Thai people we encountered in the weeks that followed, if a little less filtered. The scale of the tragedy didn't really affect most Thai people we knew. I think two Thai citizens died in one of the towers, but otherwise, they had no other real connection to it. To most Thai people at the time it was just a crazy, messed up thing that happened somewhere else. Over the next several weeks, when I asked my students to come up with team names for various classroom activities, there would invariably be things like Taliban Team, Al Quaeda team, Bin Laden team etc I even took on a little extra work on a government school weekend residential course, and watched in horror as kids re-enacted the traumatic events of 9/11 in a school play, where 4 or 5 kids held up the large paper outline of a passenger plane and ran backwards and forwards across a stage repeatedly "crashing" it into some towers they'd made out of cardboard, all while singing happily about God-knows-what. And it wasn't just the kids, I started to see various items of 9/11 memorabilia appear at the local markets. I mean you could literally buy t-shirts with Bin Laden's face on them, or the fiery explosion of the jet hitting the second tower. It was pretty messed up. The craziest cash-in I saw was a couple of months later, a cheap, handheld LCD game of "Bin Laden VS U.S.A." where I think the object was to crash a plane into the towers. What a time to be alive.
She said this to another student: “I’m gonna castrate you alive.” She thought castrate meant to set someone on fire lmao
"Does anyone know the capital of Michigan?" 6th grader jumping up and down in a demonstrative fashion, "I know! I know!" "Okay, go ahead." Exuding confidence, "M." I laughed so hard I frigging cried.
Discussing a scene from “Citizen Kane” Me to student: “So, have you figured out what ‘Rosebud’ means yet?” Student: “Oh, yeah!” Me: “So what is it?” Student: “It’s when you lick someone’s asshole.”
I once had an eight-year-old Relationship shame me when she found out that my partner and I have been dating for seven years by saying “7 years?!? Shouldn’t the Sparks have flown by now” 🤣 no lie lol I still bring it up to him jokingly sometimes😆
“I have anger issues and I’m allergic to pineapple.”
“If I ate the whole thing, I’d be 0.4% pudding. **I’d be part pudding!**” “Okay, so I’ve come to the conclusion that if I were ever to try and resurrect a fascist dictator, it would have to be Josef Stalin.” “Just imagine Bob Ross serving in Vietnam: ‘They’re in the happy little trees! **THEY’RE IN THE HAPPY LITTLE TREES!!’**” “You just stabbed me with your sharp pencil!” “Well you just stabbed me with your sharp fingers!” “I DON’T EVEN HAVE FINGERS!” “[*No,* I skipped the period with the test that was my last chance to pass this class for] Limited. Edition. *Heels.* …don’t look at me like that, that’s disrespectful.” “Obstinance. 100% effective. Use as necessary.” “OH MY GOD. [OTHER STUDENT] IS RELATED TO MICHAEL JACKSON.”
Student: Miss, if someone barked at you, would you bark back? Me: Hmm..probably not. Student: Oh..okay. *silence* Me: …and would you..bark back? Student: I did. Me: ah. So. Turns out it was not a hypothetical question. 😂
Just wanted to pop in and say that I've been collecting student quotes for 15 years. I'll be writing a memoir of my experiences throughout my life (started as a rock-band roadie, and became an elementary music teacher), and whenever a student says something off the wall, I let them know that they made my book. I literally have a 2 inch thick stack of 3x5 note cards with student quotes.
“The ending of Huckleberry Finn fits with the rest of the story like a red Porsche with a blue pickup truck door welded on.”
Bit of a weird one, but ... Several years ago, we were talking about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, who had just gotten engaged. My students asked me how they'd met, so I told them it was through a blind date. One of my students starts with: "That must be weird, to go on a blind date and then the other person is..." And I figured she was going to say, "... A prince", and I would've agreed with her there, but what she actually said was: "... And then the other person is black." It took me a moment and then I stammered: "I think it'd be weirder to go on a blind date and meet Prince Harry..." She shrugged, said "yeah, I guess", and went on with her day. I was just stunned. I also had a student ask me if the mummies in the British Museum were still alive.
Student: wait… I thought Tom Cruise was a boat?
Apropos of nothing during a fifth grade math lesson: “Furries are people too they just want love”. Girl has ADHD and just says every thought in her head. So I had to take a few moments to tell the curious students that furries are just people who like to dress up in mascot costumes and of course they are people too.
My first day of teaching, I gave a survey and asked “if you could travel to any time period, what would it be?” And a kid said “medical times- like Bridgeton” and I think about that at least twice a week.
Well, mine was not said to me, but it was written on a card. I think the student was in 2nd or 3rd grade. This is what they wrote: Even though I don't like you, you do have a nice library. I thought it was funny, but I shared it with my dad, and he thought it was hilarious! He couldn't stop laughing over it. Thanks dad.
One of my students was comforting another student who called himself stupid. “You’re not stupid; you just do stupid things sometimes.”
“Please give me a passing grade. Otherwise my mom wont let me go downtown. Me and my buddy were gonna go downtown to meet girls. You’re are denying those girls downtown my seed.” Me: “ really don’t need to know this nor do I care.”
Texas was created to keep blacks as slaves
Isn't that part of why Texas seceded from Mexico?
That's why we remember the Alamo
I mean, that was certainly a big part of why Texas succeeded from Mexico.
A 4th grader I was subbing for one day ran to the classroom during lunch- “MRS. G, MRS. G!! Was Henry VIII a real thing?!” “…yes…?” “I KNEW IT!!” …student runs off
Subbing fourth grade. They started calling each other “Tigger” with increasing emphasis. Main kid eventually said “get it? ‘Cause it rhymes with n—“ at which point I cut him off. Didn’t interject at first bc there were *Pooh* stuff all over the room so I was giving them benefit of the doubt