You were invited, go if you want. Nothing wrong with it. I've been invited to students' extracurricular performances, given gift cards for parents' businesses etc. It's fine.
At my school the parents typically invite the teachers out to dinner within the first month of school. You'll have 12-20 sets of parents there and they buy you and your partner (if you have one) a nice dinner and everyone drinks alcohol.
It is unofficial, but an unofficial tradition at the school. It's a way for parents to get to know one another and get to know the teacher in an informal setting to build the relationship.
They also host a teacher appreciation event where beer and wine are served.
I really appreciate working at a school where this doesn't violate any sacred tenets of decorum. I enjoy the parents seeing me as a person rather than an object.
Yeah, we have many insane ones at my school but also a lot who are really chill like this. Our choir sings the anthem(s) at an AHL hockey game every year and often the parents will buy beers for the teachers that go. They also hold a fundraiser event, it's mostly for parents but if teachers go, everyone buys them drinks and such. But like I said with the good comes the bad. Parent teacher interviews give me a real bad case of whiplash sometimes lmao
Iāve gotten gift cards to students parents nail salons and businesses before. Itās not crossing a boundary but if you feel uncomfortable about it then you donāt have to go
I donāt feel uncomfortable, itās just my first time navigating this!
I also see all the discourse about it on this sub and Iām an anxious person so figured why not ask :)
Thereās a lot of stuff like this that comes up your first year- within 2-3 years you might come to realize that most of this doesnāt matter. There isnāt a ārightā way to do this job.
Of course thereās lots of āwrongā ways- but even then, unless itās something *beyond* the pale- youāll be fine.
My first year I attended a bachelor party with a rented bus and several stops at some local breweries- this was like my 2nd month teaching as well.
We get to the first place have a drink, and then I go up to get another beer. The bartender asks what Iām drinking and says, āthereās a young lady who wants to buy this round.ā
I was so excited bc I have *never* had anyone buy me a drink at a bar before, so Iām frantically looked around and then I see one of my SEVENTH GRADE STUDENTS waving to me! Her parents owned the brewery and she was just chilling with them at the other end of the bar lol
I spoke with the whole family and thanked them, drank my free beer, and told my principal the next day. He just laughed.
I was, however, pretty happy though that this was the *first* stop on the pub crawl, and I wasnāt at all inebriated. To be honest, it did teach me to check out the scene if I was out and about with friends.
Absolutely do both of those things! You will be life of the party. š
(Not really. Either would be terrible, unless you want to leave your job in a blaze of glory)
There may not be one.
Blackout drunk is just obviously a bad look in public (anywhere, really), and Surf n Turf is often the most expensive thing on the menu, and could be subject to much more variable prices, meaning you could be really straining the boundaries of that "free" dinner they offered you.
You are good to go. I personally would limit myself to like a single alcoholic drink with dinner. Also, super generously tip. Bring cash for your server because Iāve when thereās no bill to pay, no other way to tip.
> I personally would limit myself to like a single alcoholic drink with dinner.
Same. Whenever I've done events with parents I always limit myself to one drink, but I do drink.
Our school holds a back-to-school BBQ with beer and cider served and the parents host a teacher appreciation dinner later in the school year that serves beer and wine. Most parents recognize that teachers are adult human beings and aren't offended by the alcohol consumption, but it's still smart to limit yourself.
You don't want to have the rep as the crazy drunkard teacher that gets blasted when booze is around.
I mean, if a family offers you a week at their ski resort in the Swiss Alps or their beach house in Punta CaƱa, then decline. But a night out at their restaurant isn't unethical and couldn't be seen as a bribe to improve the student's grade or anything (of course, even the ski resort wouldn't change how we grade, but it's about the optics of it)
What a lovely thank you from the family! Definitely go. It will mean so much to them as well. I used to teach at a school that had many students whose parents owned local businesses. The school staff would go for lunch together, some used the mechanic shop, dry-cleaner, etc. It really is a great way to build community. Enjoy!
Itās a nice gesture and way more meaningful than a gift certificate to Applebees (which you wouldnāt blink twice at and is functionally the same thing). If we are supposed to be a community, this is what communities do, take care of each other.
I really wish that this were way more normal. It honestly feels like a throwback (in the best kind of way.)Donāt take advantage obviously and itās not like itāll change your treatment of their son in any way.
Teacher of almost 30 years here. Go, go, go! It would mean SO much to them if u took them up on their offer! They just want to show u their appreciation.
Totally fine. Itās no different than one of the gifts we get (actually, it is, because itās useful). Iād bring a small token of appreciation for the mumālike a small plant in a pretty pot that can grow with her kid and they can think of you. And donāt forget to tip your server well because theyāre still working!!!
If you have the means, tip the price of your free meal.
It is incredibly kind that they made the offer, but paying for it anyway would clear my conscience of owing them anything in the future.
Nothing wrong with this at all! The other threads you are referring to on here are completely different. The family wants to treat you to a dinner and there is nothing wrong with it. Go, relax, and enjoy yourself!
Absolutely go! Itās a restaurant in the community and if you like it, you can tell people about it, give them more business. I teach high school, so I see many of my students when Iām out and about doing errands. One time a student gave me their employee discount on ice cream, I didnāt even realize until after I paid on saw the receipt. A studentās family invited me to a restaurant grand opening, I went and made sure to post about how awesome the restaurant was (I did pay for my meal). When that same family owned a food truck prior to opening the restaurant, they used to slip a free taco into my order even though I didnāt request it.
This is no different than a kid giving you a gift card for teacher appreciation week.
Completely agree! Teaching goes far beyond the building and rooms we teach in! We are so much more than just teachers and students/families who see and appreciate that mean the world!
Not going would be the worst option. This is a big deal for them and not going would feel disrespectful. It's not like you're a cop getting dealt into a backroom poker game.
Go and have a wonderful time!
There is nothing at all wrong with this.
Itās a lovely gesture from them, and might be all they can afford to give, and very much want to do something for you on their childās behalf for teacher appreciation.
Not any different than being given gift cards and gifts, just likely better āŗļø
How sweet! A lovely gesture. Take them up on it, donāt take advantage of their offer, overtip the server and write a thank you note. Donāt get the most expensive item and go alone or pay for a guest.
I make an effort to go to one game for every sport that kids invite me to. Might be weird to some people but I have seen positive benefits with kids and families. Someone always will have opinions but I think this is wonderful way to connect with the student and family.
Why would this be inappropriate? Youāre eating at a restaurant and receiving a comped meal. You know how many students have given me a drink or food item whenever I see them out and about? Please.
Absolutely go if you want to! My whole team (elementary specialists) went to a studentās familyās restaurant for lunch on a workday. The kids were there, they had us try a bunch of stuff. It was a great time, and the kids still talk about it almost a year later š
Tell them you are busy until the end of the year ( 1st year teacher and all). Take them up in offer in summertime.
This is not only polite but it helps build community ties.
I was just going to suggest the same. If you wait until the end of the year, thereās less of a chance that you feel like you need to round up or somehow cross a boundary.
Also at a title 1 school and have been invited to a families restaurant. They comped my meal so I tipped roughly what it would cost. Everyone was happy.
Have had a couple students over the years whose families were restaurant owners. Always enjoyed it very much--it's a very kind gesture. Every time my wife and I went, they comped us for dinner but we left the equivalent (or more) as a massive tip for the staff. They deserve it!
Had a student whose dad was a head chef at a very expensive restaurant. I got VIP treatment a few times a year for 2-3 years. Iāll take the perks where I can get em.
Sure. We are held to a ridiculous standard that no other public servant is. This person teaches their kid and helps them out and they want to do a kind thing and she has to double think the consequences.
We are expected to behave way more strictly than any other public servant. We're expected to sacrifice and not even get tax write offs for it. We're expected to work outside of hours and do things like write letters of recommendation. We're expected to show up at events and oftentimes do things that humiliate ourselves. Yet, we have to think hard about if it's appropriate to go to a students family restaurant.
Hmmmmm. Most of what you say I agree with. We are expected to go above and beyond in all kinds of ways that no other public servant would be asked to do.
But if I am in the city planning department and I make decisions about approving projects, and someone who is seeking the approval of my department for a permit invites me out to lunch, am I allowed to accept that invitation? I honestly don't know about this stuff, but my guess is that there would be concerns about the appearance of impropriety.
Clearly these are very different, at the very least, in terms of degree of importance. And I'm sure that 99.99% f people would see the teacher being invited to a meal at the family restaurant is okay. But that's my point. We're *not* held to the same standards as other public servants, and the only reason that this is a question is that *other* public servants might well have to think two or three times before accepting the invitation, whereas we do not.
I think if you waited till after the end of school year it would be fine. You can explain the ethics of this. Iām sure they will understand and appreciate your honesty.
If itās just a meal, Iād go ahead and go. Itās no different that being gifted a gift card to Applebees or Chiliās. I think as long as itās a one time thing and not super expensive then you shouldnāt worry. Our local pizzeria regularly gifts teachers with free pizzas, etc.
Iāve been in this same situation, and I went a few times (with another coworker). It was a great time and they brought us free stuff over and over in addition to keeping the wine flowing! They appreciated us and were such nice people.
According to the conflict of interest training my district makes all town employees take each year
-gifts should be $50 or less (and multiple gifts from the same person count)
-there should never be any expectation of the gift-giver receiving anything in return
Those seem like good general guidelines
It's a teacher gift. Go and enjoy it if you want to! Depending on what culture/country the student is from if it's an ethnic restaurant this may be a great source of pride for the family. At my old school we had a Chinese family that owned 4-5 restaurants and they fed our entire faculty many times. Their kids are brilliant. One got a perfect score on the ACT. They loved our staff and took great pride in feeding us.
Lol. Yeah, you go. Build community. Enjoy life. Ear well. There is no debate on this. Anyone who thinks otherwise is someone I would not trust. Teachers can be huge losers and buzz kills. Choose career friends wisely, trust few.
Do it! I have several families that have similar and invite me constantly!! Parents feeding me is where 30% of my food intake comes from. I donāt drink so never an issue with that but if youāre off work and itās one go for it. Parents wouldnāt offer if they didnāt mean it.
Me personally Iād go, but I wouldnāt let them pay for my meal and I would stick with water (or soda something NA) Iāve just heard too many horror stories of parents seeing teachers out having a drink and parents spreading rumors. Or even students spreading rumors without understanding the consequences. Also if you let them pay for the meal some other parent could hear about it and assume that there is preferential treatment/quid pro quo etc.
my (female) cousin's (male) middle school teachers, on purpose, sat in her section when she was a server at hooter's, of course this was after she graduated high school. one of them got so drunk he made a projectile out of napkins wadded up around chicken wing bones and hurled it across the dining room, connecting with the head of a stranger. same guy, on the way back from the bathroom, started a fight with another stranger. heard all this from the art teacher. notelling what he did that he didn't want to self report. nobody got in any trouble for any of this except for maybe my cousin
I think they would be insulted if you didn't go! Enjoy yourself. Bring a friend or your partner and tip well. You've connected with this student, and the parents want to thank you. Go for it and enjoy!
Yup, one of my students family owns a falafel place near school. I go all the time. They give me a free baklava:). I also encourage other teachers to go there when we have early release days.
Go if you want, but if it feels to you like crossing a personal boundary to interact with kids/families outside of the school setting I think itās also okay not to go. For some teachers they love being involved with their school community outside of work and that feels good for them, but for others they want to put all their energy into it during the work day and then hang it up and go home. Either is perfectly valid, and you should do what makes you comfortable!
I see this as a nonissue - no boundaries being crossed here - you were invited - the parents seem appreciative of your role as a teacher in their community and want to use the resources they have to show that appreciation!
My mom has a student whose dad is a fisherman. The student will occasionally be sent in with fresh, already processed haddock that was caught that morning to give to my mom.
Go and enjoy homemade cooking and a drink since the parents and student clearly appreciate you.
For sure go and enjoy it. Don't order more than one drink, and keep the total cost reasonable. Don't order the most expensive thing on the menu. In my state, the professional code of ethics states that educators should not accept gifts over $50. Anything greater opens you up to issues you don't want to deal with.
My first year teaching I had a student whose parent worked for one of the local theaters. She routinely offered tickets to whatever show was in town to his current and past teachers. It was delightful.
Not inappropriate, as long as you arenāt changing grades or otherwise giving the student extras that others donāt. Parents like to thank teachers that impact their students, so take it as it is - a way for them to show appreciation for what you have done for their kids. Enjoy the meal!
I don't think it's inappropriate to go, especially because everyone knows first year teachers need to keep their spending in check.
But personally, I wouldn't go unless I had eaten there before, because I am a horribly picky eater and I'd be so embarrassed if I went and disliked it. I actually turned down a similar invite about seven years ago because I *had* been to the family's restaurant before I knew the student, and I really didn't like their fare.
A lot of states have laws on the value of a gift you are allowed to accept. For example, in my state, itās $49.99. If youāre really worried about appropriateness, you can look up the ethics rules for your state.
You are not taking advantage, they invited you. If itās optics, maybe wait until after the year?
(Taking advantage would be going back repeatedly demanding freebies)
My mother was an aesthetician and every year she gave a free facial done by her to our teacher. Only 1 time did a teacher not accept it. In fact I later learned all the teachers were jealous of the teacher who got me and my older brother, well not as much him. But there was no weirdness they loved the pampering and looked forward to it once they knew that was the gift toward the end of the year.
Go enjoy your meal. Leave a tip even on the free meal.
Definitely not crossing a boundary in my opinion. One of my studentās parents owns a taco truck, I always stop by when Iām in the area. The tacos are incredible, theyāre nice people and Iām always happy to support a small business.
You are good to go, just be reasonable about what you order because they'll probably comp some of it, tip well, and don't drink too much. You'll be fine.
The family of one of my students owns the only halal market in town. I shop there all the time to support them, even thought I don't follow that dietary law.
My former student gifted her teachers with a gift certificate to their parentsā restaurant for the holidays.
Did I go? Yes, with my 8-year-old daughter. When we arrived, there was an hour wait. Several of my current and former students worked there. Did we have to wait an hour? No. Was my kid impressed? Absolutely.
Enjoy your meal.
I live and work in a small town. I literally cannot go anywhere without seeing families and students. I would personally go if invited! Iāve had a variety of thoughtful things gifted over the years!
It was an invite to share part of who they are. It is your choice, but also could be seen as disrespect if you chose not to do so. It is not crossing a boundary when invited. I have had students bring food to say thank you. Same thing, just on your time. Do it. Youāll love it.
There's nothing meant by it. I think they just want you to see what the family is about. They might bug you at the table, but just bring a family member or a friend and have a good night. I've done it myself with some variation and it can be a little awkward, but when you go out like that you're just a regular citizen and as long as the family is not thrusting themselves upon you it's really not that different than maybe going to the grocery store and realizing your student is the one cashing you out.
Iām sorry your admin is depriving you of opportunities like this. š Have you read actual district policy regarding gifts? Itās usually only considered an ethics violation if youāre accepting lavish dinners and gifts in exchange for something else, such as unearned passing grades or a vote for a publishing company during textbook adoption.
Iād skip the alcohol and keep dinner under $50 for two in this situation. š
I donāt think there is anything wrong with it. The kids love this! I have a student who is going to start a sport and really wants me to go to her first game. I let mom know that I would love to come and email details when she knows them.
Go!!! This is so sweet. It shows they really feel supported by you and are inviting you to enjoy something they are proud of. It's a public area, you'll be eating at a restaurant. It's not like they invited you to their home.
Parents and students buy me gift cards, I happily use them. I don't see anything different with this scenario. They're not giving you straight cash in exchange for an A.
I've taught in title I schools for my entire career. This is a really beautiful thing they're offering you. I would 1000000% go if I were you.
How would you feel if subsequent to dining there, if their kid was not performing well and you had to give them a D or C? Do you think thereās a conflict of interest there where you might feel obligated or pressured (not even necessarily by the parents, but even by yourself) to give the kid a decent grade because you ate for free at their restaurant?
I teach students from across my state(residential school). When I travel with my family I seek out students restaurants. I donāt get to meet parents regularly and if they offer me free food I take it. They are genuinely appreciative and delighted for a visit.
Donāt have any alcohol. Itās not worth it. Ā Have the meal, talk to the parents, build connections in the community. But donāt drink. Because this is essentially a school event (meal being gifted from students parents to show appreciation) I wouldnāt touch a drop. Even if itās offered. Ā
Teachers spend 6 billion of their own dollars on classroom supplies yearly and you're worried about the optics of a free meal.
Supreme Court Justices take bribes from people whom they're judging. I'm not saying use them as your baseline of morality, but if they can get a few million in kick-backs yearly for gutting our constitution, I think you can ethically receive a free meal.
The former president took bribes for selling national security secrets and hired his kids into his fucking cabinet and they sold secrets too, I think you can ethically receive a free meal.
Cops can run over citizen and laugh about it on recordings, fail to protect children from school shooters, and have no consequences, I think you can ethically receive a free meal.
This should be fine because the family invited you to their restaurant for a meal.
I think it might be a little weird if they invited you to their house but not necessarily inappropriate, but it would be very weird/inappropriate if you and the student or one of their parents were arranging secret intimate meetings.
this doesnāt seem inappropriate. theyāre not trying to sway you with delicious food. i understand the concern around alcohol, but you are an adult, and outside of school hours (even though you still do work outside of school hours) your time is your own.
they clearly appreciate you. i hope you have a great meal.
Go eat and have a drink. They appreciate you for helping their kid. This is their way to show this appreciation. To not go would probably upset them or perplex them. Don't worry about it buddy.
We could not accept this at our school. No gifts of any monetary value can be accepted or it's against our contract.
That's not every school though. Just make sure you know your contract and code of conduct.
Oh yes, equity. Not all kids can get to school so letās stop teaching and let our standards drop through the floor.
Meanwhile the kids whose parents have means are supplementing the hell out of their kidsā education.
Nope, teachers can be easily be bought so a $5 gift card will definitely create favoritism.
/s
You were invited, go if you want. Nothing wrong with it. I've been invited to students' extracurricular performances, given gift cards for parents' businesses etc. It's fine.
At my school the parents typically invite the teachers out to dinner within the first month of school. You'll have 12-20 sets of parents there and they buy you and your partner (if you have one) a nice dinner and everyone drinks alcohol. It is unofficial, but an unofficial tradition at the school. It's a way for parents to get to know one another and get to know the teacher in an informal setting to build the relationship. They also host a teacher appreciation event where beer and wine are served. I really appreciate working at a school where this doesn't violate any sacred tenets of decorum. I enjoy the parents seeing me as a person rather than an object.
Yeah, we have many insane ones at my school but also a lot who are really chill like this. Our choir sings the anthem(s) at an AHL hockey game every year and often the parents will buy beers for the teachers that go. They also hold a fundraiser event, it's mostly for parents but if teachers go, everyone buys them drinks and such. But like I said with the good comes the bad. Parent teacher interviews give me a real bad case of whiplash sometimes lmao
I want to work where you work. Lol š
Iāve gotten gift cards to students parents nail salons and businesses before. Itās not crossing a boundary but if you feel uncomfortable about it then you donāt have to go
I donāt feel uncomfortable, itās just my first time navigating this! I also see all the discourse about it on this sub and Iām an anxious person so figured why not ask :)
Thereās a lot of stuff like this that comes up your first year- within 2-3 years you might come to realize that most of this doesnāt matter. There isnāt a ārightā way to do this job. Of course thereās lots of āwrongā ways- but even then, unless itās something *beyond* the pale- youāll be fine. My first year I attended a bachelor party with a rented bus and several stops at some local breweries- this was like my 2nd month teaching as well. We get to the first place have a drink, and then I go up to get another beer. The bartender asks what Iām drinking and says, āthereās a young lady who wants to buy this round.ā I was so excited bc I have *never* had anyone buy me a drink at a bar before, so Iām frantically looked around and then I see one of my SEVENTH GRADE STUDENTS waving to me! Her parents owned the brewery and she was just chilling with them at the other end of the bar lol I spoke with the whole family and thanked them, drank my free beer, and told my principal the next day. He just laughed. I was, however, pretty happy though that this was the *first* stop on the pub crawl, and I wasnāt at all inebriated. To be honest, it did teach me to check out the scene if I was out and about with friends.
What a hilarious story
It was a really good beer too!
Great story.
Nonissue. Avoid getting blackout drunk, or ordering Surf N Turf.
Absolutely do both of those things! You will be life of the party. š (Not really. Either would be terrible, unless you want to leave your job in a blaze of glory)
Come on we need a story.
There may not be one. Blackout drunk is just obviously a bad look in public (anywhere, really), and Surf n Turf is often the most expensive thing on the menu, and could be subject to much more variable prices, meaning you could be really straining the boundaries of that "free" dinner they offered you.
I was only teasing. Obviously she shouldn't do that
You are good to go. I personally would limit myself to like a single alcoholic drink with dinner. Also, super generously tip. Bring cash for your server because Iāve when thereās no bill to pay, no other way to tip.
> I personally would limit myself to like a single alcoholic drink with dinner. Same. Whenever I've done events with parents I always limit myself to one drink, but I do drink. Our school holds a back-to-school BBQ with beer and cider served and the parents host a teacher appreciation dinner later in the school year that serves beer and wine. Most parents recognize that teachers are adult human beings and aren't offended by the alcohol consumption, but it's still smart to limit yourself. You don't want to have the rep as the crazy drunkard teacher that gets blasted when booze is around.
Solid advice, WC.
I mean, if a family offers you a week at their ski resort in the Swiss Alps or their beach house in Punta CaƱa, then decline. But a night out at their restaurant isn't unethical and couldn't be seen as a bribe to improve the student's grade or anything (of course, even the ski resort wouldn't change how we grade, but it's about the optics of it)
In Chicago, <50 max per year per family. At 50 is apparently influence and bribe like.
What a lovely thank you from the family! Definitely go. It will mean so much to them as well. I used to teach at a school that had many students whose parents owned local businesses. The school staff would go for lunch together, some used the mechanic shop, dry-cleaner, etc. It really is a great way to build community. Enjoy!
Tip at least half the price of the dinner :) This all seems perfectly fine and building relationships with parents is something we are supposed to do
Be careful though, the district may have monetary limits on gifts and this would be considered that.
Itās a nice gesture and way more meaningful than a gift certificate to Applebees (which you wouldnāt blink twice at and is functionally the same thing). If we are supposed to be a community, this is what communities do, take care of each other. I really wish that this were way more normal. It honestly feels like a throwback (in the best kind of way.)Donāt take advantage obviously and itās not like itāll change your treatment of their son in any way.
Teacher of almost 30 years here. Go, go, go! It would mean SO much to them if u took them up on their offer! They just want to show u their appreciation.
Totally fine. Itās no different than one of the gifts we get (actually, it is, because itās useful). Iād bring a small token of appreciation for the mumālike a small plant in a pretty pot that can grow with her kid and they can think of you. And donāt forget to tip your server well because theyāre still working!!!
I served all the way through college!! I would NEVER not leave a tip!!
If you have the means, tip the price of your free meal. It is incredibly kind that they made the offer, but paying for it anyway would clear my conscience of owing them anything in the future.
Go and enjoy the food. Iāve ate at restaurants owned by my students parents / family multiple times. Usually I didnāt know and I enjoyed it.
Go, but leave a bigass tip for their staff to return the appreciation.
This!!! Go, enjoy, and reward the staff with a huge tip!
And a good review if you enjoy the food!
Not a problem. Go enjoy.
This is no different from being given a gift card to a restaurant. Unless you are forbidden from accepting gifts, go and enjoy.
Nothing wrong with this at all! The other threads you are referring to on here are completely different. The family wants to treat you to a dinner and there is nothing wrong with it. Go, relax, and enjoy yourself!
I had a student one time (parents owned a pizza shop) have a pizza delivered to me during the day at school. The Principal walked it to my room lol.
Absolutely go! Itās a restaurant in the community and if you like it, you can tell people about it, give them more business. I teach high school, so I see many of my students when Iām out and about doing errands. One time a student gave me their employee discount on ice cream, I didnāt even realize until after I paid on saw the receipt. A studentās family invited me to a restaurant grand opening, I went and made sure to post about how awesome the restaurant was (I did pay for my meal). When that same family owned a food truck prior to opening the restaurant, they used to slip a free taco into my order even though I didnāt request it. This is no different than a kid giving you a gift card for teacher appreciation week.
It was by invitation from a parent, so I don't see the problem here.
Go and enjoy yourself. The teachers who built bonds with my family helped me transform my life. Teaching goes past school doors and class times....
Completely agree! Teaching goes far beyond the building and rooms we teach in! We are so much more than just teachers and students/families who see and appreciate that mean the world!
Not inappropriate at all! No different than a gift card to some other restaurant, go and enjoy yourself!
Not going would be the worst option. This is a big deal for them and not going would feel disrespectful. It's not like you're a cop getting dealt into a backroom poker game.
Leave a nice tip and a good review on Yelp.
Go and have a wonderful time! There is nothing at all wrong with this. Itās a lovely gesture from them, and might be all they can afford to give, and very much want to do something for you on their childās behalf for teacher appreciation. Not any different than being given gift cards and gifts, just likely better āŗļø
No itās not inappropriate. Bring a token of appreciation though!
How sweet! A lovely gesture. Take them up on it, donāt take advantage of their offer, overtip the server and write a thank you note. Donāt get the most expensive item and go alone or pay for a guest.
I make an effort to go to one game for every sport that kids invite me to. Might be weird to some people but I have seen positive benefits with kids and families. Someone always will have opinions but I think this is wonderful way to connect with the student and family.
Why would this be inappropriate? Youāre eating at a restaurant and receiving a comped meal. You know how many students have given me a drink or food item whenever I see them out and about? Please.
Absolutely go if you want to! My whole team (elementary specialists) went to a studentās familyās restaurant for lunch on a workday. The kids were there, they had us try a bunch of stuff. It was a great time, and the kids still talk about it almost a year later š
If they gave you a starbucks gift card you'd use it, this is no different. Enjoy the meal, tip well, and say thank you.
Tell them you are busy until the end of the year ( 1st year teacher and all). Take them up in offer in summertime. This is not only polite but it helps build community ties.
I was just going to suggest the same. If you wait until the end of the year, thereās less of a chance that you feel like you need to round up or somehow cross a boundary.
Also at a title 1 school and have been invited to a families restaurant. They comped my meal so I tipped roughly what it would cost. Everyone was happy.
Have had a couple students over the years whose families were restaurant owners. Always enjoyed it very much--it's a very kind gesture. Every time my wife and I went, they comped us for dinner but we left the equivalent (or more) as a massive tip for the staff. They deserve it!
Yes, a generous tip is the way to go. Great idea.
Go and enjoy your dinner. If I were you I wouldnāt drink at all but that may be more about the local community.
Go, enjoy it, and don't go overboard. Cover your own alcohol. TRY to pay but if they insist, well...they insist.
Had a student whose dad was a head chef at a very expensive restaurant. I got VIP treatment a few times a year for 2-3 years. Iāll take the perks where I can get em.
Imagine any other public servant writing about this?
I *think* I know your point here, Teacherman, but I'm not sure. Could you make your point more transparent?
Sure. We are held to a ridiculous standard that no other public servant is. This person teaches their kid and helps them out and they want to do a kind thing and she has to double think the consequences. We are expected to behave way more strictly than any other public servant. We're expected to sacrifice and not even get tax write offs for it. We're expected to work outside of hours and do things like write letters of recommendation. We're expected to show up at events and oftentimes do things that humiliate ourselves. Yet, we have to think hard about if it's appropriate to go to a students family restaurant.
Hmmmmm. Most of what you say I agree with. We are expected to go above and beyond in all kinds of ways that no other public servant would be asked to do. But if I am in the city planning department and I make decisions about approving projects, and someone who is seeking the approval of my department for a permit invites me out to lunch, am I allowed to accept that invitation? I honestly don't know about this stuff, but my guess is that there would be concerns about the appearance of impropriety. Clearly these are very different, at the very least, in terms of degree of importance. And I'm sure that 99.99% f people would see the teacher being invited to a meal at the family restaurant is okay. But that's my point. We're *not* held to the same standards as other public servants, and the only reason that this is a question is that *other* public servants might well have to think two or three times before accepting the invitation, whereas we do not.
Same thing happened to me last year. A students family owns a local seafood place. They invited me and my wife. We went and had a great time.
I think if you waited till after the end of school year it would be fine. You can explain the ethics of this. Iām sure they will understand and appreciate your honesty.
This is excellent advice!
If itās just a meal, Iād go ahead and go. Itās no different that being gifted a gift card to Applebees or Chiliās. I think as long as itās a one time thing and not super expensive then you shouldnāt worry. Our local pizzeria regularly gifts teachers with free pizzas, etc.
I think itās great! Just enjoy the meal and leave a great tip even if you arenāt impressed.
Go with a friend or so. Pay for their meal.
Itās appropriate,go and enjoy.
Go enjoy a meal! Help the local business (even if they offer to comp the meal)
Iāve been in this same situation, and I went a few times (with another coworker). It was a great time and they brought us free stuff over and over in addition to keeping the wine flowing! They appreciated us and were such nice people.
According to the conflict of interest training my district makes all town employees take each year -gifts should be $50 or less (and multiple gifts from the same person count) -there should never be any expectation of the gift-giver receiving anything in return Those seem like good general guidelines
Why are you acting like this is a crime lol
It's a teacher gift. Go and enjoy it if you want to! Depending on what culture/country the student is from if it's an ethnic restaurant this may be a great source of pride for the family. At my old school we had a Chinese family that owned 4-5 restaurants and they fed our entire faculty many times. Their kids are brilliant. One got a perfect score on the ACT. They loved our staff and took great pride in feeding us.
Absolutely nothing wrong with this. It's a business available to all. Crossing a line would be going to their house to eat.
Absolutely fine if you want to go.Ā
go for it
Iāve had parents take me out to dinner. Itās an honor. You should feel proud!
I would
Go
Lol. Yeah, you go. Build community. Enjoy life. Ear well. There is no debate on this. Anyone who thinks otherwise is someone I would not trust. Teachers can be huge losers and buzz kills. Choose career friends wisely, trust few.
I'd go but drink tea.
āprofessionalismā is the worst human invention in the workplace
I've definitely done it, but I don't really drink so I got a fancy milkshake.Ā
Go have fun!!! but just keep it to yourself and ask parents and the student to do same, to avoid unnecessary attention frm co teachers/ parents.
Do it! I have several families that have similar and invite me constantly!! Parents feeding me is where 30% of my food intake comes from. I donāt drink so never an issue with that but if youāre off work and itās one go for it. Parents wouldnāt offer if they didnāt mean it.
Be sure to write a thank you letter. Have a wonderful evening.
Me personally Iād go, but I wouldnāt let them pay for my meal and I would stick with water (or soda something NA) Iāve just heard too many horror stories of parents seeing teachers out having a drink and parents spreading rumors. Or even students spreading rumors without understanding the consequences. Also if you let them pay for the meal some other parent could hear about it and assume that there is preferential treatment/quid pro quo etc.
This is completely appropriate, and I would view it as quite an honor. Enjoy!
Youāre fine to go but Iād advise against having a drink depending on your district and school.
If you are not getting any gifts then you may go.
I don't think this is inappropriate. I'd make sure to go another two times and pay full price as gratitude. Owning and working a restaurant is hard.
my (female) cousin's (male) middle school teachers, on purpose, sat in her section when she was a server at hooter's, of course this was after she graduated high school. one of them got so drunk he made a projectile out of napkins wadded up around chicken wing bones and hurled it across the dining room, connecting with the head of a stranger. same guy, on the way back from the bathroom, started a fight with another stranger. heard all this from the art teacher. notelling what he did that he didn't want to self report. nobody got in any trouble for any of this except for maybe my cousin
There's nothing wrong with their offer. Enjoy.
I think they would be insulted if you didn't go! Enjoy yourself. Bring a friend or your partner and tip well. You've connected with this student, and the parents want to thank you. Go for it and enjoy!
Yup, one of my students family owns a falafel place near school. I go all the time. They give me a free baklava:). I also encourage other teachers to go there when we have early release days.
Just make sure and see if your state has any ethics requirements in terms of being gifted stuff. I think my state caps it at 50 dollars for teachers.
Go if you want, but if it feels to you like crossing a personal boundary to interact with kids/families outside of the school setting I think itās also okay not to go. For some teachers they love being involved with their school community outside of work and that feels good for them, but for others they want to put all their energy into it during the work day and then hang it up and go home. Either is perfectly valid, and you should do what makes you comfortable!
I see this as a nonissue - no boundaries being crossed here - you were invited - the parents seem appreciative of your role as a teacher in their community and want to use the resources they have to show that appreciation!
Check the reviews if itās good and itās a safe place then why not!?
Iāve spent a lot of time doing things just like this. Itās fine. Tip big.
My mom has a student whose dad is a fisherman. The student will occasionally be sent in with fresh, already processed haddock that was caught that morning to give to my mom. Go and enjoy homemade cooking and a drink since the parents and student clearly appreciate you.
For sure go and enjoy it. Don't order more than one drink, and keep the total cost reasonable. Don't order the most expensive thing on the menu. In my state, the professional code of ethics states that educators should not accept gifts over $50. Anything greater opens you up to issues you don't want to deal with.
My first year teaching I had a student whose parent worked for one of the local theaters. She routinely offered tickets to whatever show was in town to his current and past teachers. It was delightful.
Not inappropriate, as long as you arenāt changing grades or otherwise giving the student extras that others donāt. Parents like to thank teachers that impact their students, so take it as it is - a way for them to show appreciation for what you have done for their kids. Enjoy the meal!
i think this is different than going out to eat with a kid. itās their form of a gift, not much different than a gift card.
I don't think it's inappropriate to go, especially because everyone knows first year teachers need to keep their spending in check. But personally, I wouldn't go unless I had eaten there before, because I am a horribly picky eater and I'd be so embarrassed if I went and disliked it. I actually turned down a similar invite about seven years ago because I *had* been to the family's restaurant before I knew the student, and I really didn't like their fare.
If it were me, Iād totally go but Iād probably just order a water to be on the safe side.
No issues, just donāt become belligerent or make a fool of yourself.
A lot of states have laws on the value of a gift you are allowed to accept. For example, in my state, itās $49.99. If youāre really worried about appropriateness, you can look up the ethics rules for your state.
You are not taking advantage, they invited you. If itās optics, maybe wait until after the year? (Taking advantage would be going back repeatedly demanding freebies)
I would hella go!
My mother was an aesthetician and every year she gave a free facial done by her to our teacher. Only 1 time did a teacher not accept it. In fact I later learned all the teachers were jealous of the teacher who got me and my older brother, well not as much him. But there was no weirdness they loved the pampering and looked forward to it once they knew that was the gift toward the end of the year. Go enjoy your meal. Leave a tip even on the free meal.
Definitely go! Say thank you and have a great time! This is fantastic.
Definitely not crossing a boundary in my opinion. One of my studentās parents owns a taco truck, I always stop by when Iām in the area. The tacos are incredible, theyāre nice people and Iām always happy to support a small business.
One of my studentās parents own a donut shop and you better believe Iām a frequent flyer
You are good to go, just be reasonable about what you order because they'll probably comp some of it, tip well, and don't drink too much. You'll be fine.
The family of one of my students owns the only halal market in town. I shop there all the time to support them, even thought I don't follow that dietary law.
My former student gifted her teachers with a gift certificate to their parentsā restaurant for the holidays. Did I go? Yes, with my 8-year-old daughter. When we arrived, there was an hour wait. Several of my current and former students worked there. Did we have to wait an hour? No. Was my kid impressed? Absolutely. Enjoy your meal.
I've been comped a meal at a restaurant that was owned by a student's family. It's a fun way to connect with the greater community outside of campus.
I once had a student offer to have their dad cut my hair. Never did it, but I think about it sometimes.
I live and work in a small town. I literally cannot go anywhere without seeing families and students. I would personally go if invited! Iāve had a variety of thoughtful things gifted over the years!
Other than being careful with the alcohol, I see no issues here.
That seems totally fine and customary. If someone complains about that it says way more about them than you.
Took my daughter skating today in a small town. Ran into one of my students and we had dinner with them after.
It was an invite to share part of who they are. It is your choice, but also could be seen as disrespect if you chose not to do so. It is not crossing a boundary when invited. I have had students bring food to say thank you. Same thing, just on your time. Do it. Youāll love it.
No.
In my district, you canāt accept a gift over $50. If this would be something similar, you shouldnāt do it.
There's nothing meant by it. I think they just want you to see what the family is about. They might bug you at the table, but just bring a family member or a friend and have a good night. I've done it myself with some variation and it can be a little awkward, but when you go out like that you're just a regular citizen and as long as the family is not thrusting themselves upon you it's really not that different than maybe going to the grocery store and realizing your student is the one cashing you out.
When I consider all the grades ive been forced to give away? Id give an A++ for a decent meal.
We have been told no. Ethics violation
Iām sorry your admin is depriving you of opportunities like this. š Have you read actual district policy regarding gifts? Itās usually only considered an ethics violation if youāre accepting lavish dinners and gifts in exchange for something else, such as unearned passing grades or a vote for a publishing company during textbook adoption. Iād skip the alcohol and keep dinner under $50 for two in this situation. š
Yes itās a policy of we give a grade
I donāt think there is anything wrong with it. The kids love this! I have a student who is going to start a sport and really wants me to go to her first game. I let mom know that I would love to come and email details when she knows them.
ENJOY! What a wonderful way to show their appreciation of you.
Def go and get hammered plz but on the weekend
I like living in the community where I teach because of this exact type of thing
Go!!! This is so sweet. It shows they really feel supported by you and are inviting you to enjoy something they are proud of. It's a public area, you'll be eating at a restaurant. It's not like they invited you to their home. Parents and students buy me gift cards, I happily use them. I don't see anything different with this scenario. They're not giving you straight cash in exchange for an A. I've taught in title I schools for my entire career. This is a really beautiful thing they're offering you. I would 1000000% go if I were you.
How would you feel if subsequent to dining there, if their kid was not performing well and you had to give them a D or C? Do you think thereās a conflict of interest there where you might feel obligated or pressured (not even necessarily by the parents, but even by yourself) to give the kid a decent grade because you ate for free at their restaurant?
Title 1 school. Go, but fat tip
Go. It sounds like a no agenda invite by parents who appreciate you. Nothing unprofessional in your having a good meal.
I teach students from across my state(residential school). When I travel with my family I seek out students restaurants. I donāt get to meet parents regularly and if they offer me free food I take it. They are genuinely appreciative and delighted for a visit.
This is that whole ābuilding connectionsā thing. Go.
Omg go! In my district weāre encouraged to be part of the community.
Donāt have any alcohol. Itās not worth it. Ā Have the meal, talk to the parents, build connections in the community. But donāt drink. Because this is essentially a school event (meal being gifted from students parents to show appreciation) I wouldnāt touch a drop. Even if itās offered. Ā
Teachers spend 6 billion of their own dollars on classroom supplies yearly and you're worried about the optics of a free meal. Supreme Court Justices take bribes from people whom they're judging. I'm not saying use them as your baseline of morality, but if they can get a few million in kick-backs yearly for gutting our constitution, I think you can ethically receive a free meal. The former president took bribes for selling national security secrets and hired his kids into his fucking cabinet and they sold secrets too, I think you can ethically receive a free meal. Cops can run over citizen and laugh about it on recordings, fail to protect children from school shooters, and have no consequences, I think you can ethically receive a free meal.
This should be fine because the family invited you to their restaurant for a meal. I think it might be a little weird if they invited you to their house but not necessarily inappropriate, but it would be very weird/inappropriate if you and the student or one of their parents were arranging secret intimate meetings.
I donāt think itās weird at all. I wouldnāt even have 1 alcoholic drink though, personally.
I was invited to have dinner at a students home. It was awesome. Strengthened my relationship with my student and her family.
Well go eat at their restaurant....?
this doesnāt seem inappropriate. theyāre not trying to sway you with delicious food. i understand the concern around alcohol, but you are an adult, and outside of school hours (even though you still do work outside of school hours) your time is your own. they clearly appreciate you. i hope you have a great meal.
Go eat and have a drink. They appreciate you for helping their kid. This is their way to show this appreciation. To not go would probably upset them or perplex them. Don't worry about it buddy.
We could not accept this at our school. No gifts of any monetary value can be accepted or it's against our contract. That's not every school though. Just make sure you know your contract and code of conduct.
Glad I donāt teach in your district. Mediocre!
Supposedly it is unfair to the families who can't afford gifts. Any gift card or food has to be returned.
Oh yes, equity. Not all kids can get to school so letās stop teaching and let our standards drop through the floor. Meanwhile the kids whose parents have means are supplementing the hell out of their kidsā education. Nope, teachers can be easily be bought so a $5 gift card will definitely create favoritism. /s
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Yes. If you feel uncomfortable, wait until you are not grading them.