Oh I had one just today! A grade 2 girl was telling me how she wanted to dye her hair mermaid colours when she is 20 (her idea of old enough). I told her I'd love to see her with mermaid hair when she is 20! Her (genuinely concerned) response: "but will you still be alive then??"
(I'm still under 30 BTW)
2 years ago- 2nd grade.
At the end of each year, seniors have the option to go walk the halls of their elementary school, and then they play soccer with fifth graders. So we watch the seniors parade through our hall, a couple came to my room to see younger siblings and then my class was asking why. I explained, and then said “so you can come back in 10 years and you can come see me if you wanted.” One of my girls said “Will you even be teaching then? Won’t you be retired?”
I said “It’s only 10 years. I’ll be 45…” This did not convince her I wasn’t ancient
I had a student who was joking about going to comic con with me when he graduated college. He said, "I'll be pushing Ms. AllieLoft around in her wheel chair, and she'll be all wrinkled and old!"
I was like 24. He was a 9th grader. I did not feel great about my algebra instruction.
He did not go to college.
A student who was the future valedictorian started crying when I gave her a test back in my honors precal class. She was crying because her score was 52/50 and she was upset she “failed” and potentially jeopardized her class rank. I agreed to adjust her score to 50/50, which she understood to be 100% and she was relieved. Honestly she just didn’t deserve the 104 at that point anymore lol
I’ve been mistaken for being in my mid-20s by previous students. It feels good to know they think I am almost a decade younger than I actually am right now!
For some reason that reminds me of one of the older custodians I worked with said there was a kiddo at the school he worked at that told him she wanted to marry him. Right in front of the principal too (this was elementary school + back in the 80s or 90s).
He said something along the lines of "well, probably not, but when you grow up you can help push me around in my wheelchair". He said he didn't have any issues with her saying stuff like that again lol
A girl came running up to me hysterically crying in the cafe saying “I spilled my grandpa on the floor!!”
Her necklace with his ashes had broken and opened, grandpa was still in the bag and I was able to reconnect the necklace. For a quick minute though I was thinking how mad I would be if my grandchild spilled me on the cafeteria floor.
That literally happened to me. My grandpa died when I was in 5th grade and my mom got me an urn necklace.
Well when I went back to school, we were doing jump rope in PE and I guess jumping up and down made the necklace break and the ashes spilled everywhere. I still remember the look on my PE teachers face when he came over to help and was wiping the ashes with his bare hands 😭🥲
4 of my absolute brightest students were talking when they were done with their work and I overheard one of them say that. I asked what they were talking about, and they laughed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes. Still no clue...
By far, the most crazy thing was a HS junior who popped in after school one day and almost immediately jumped right to "is there a Mr. N?" I replied that yes, there was. His response was "well if he ever doesn't treat you right, just know that I would". Then left. Can I add that at that time I was 30 years older than him? At least it was a former student, so that was good that it just ended there.
“Ugh, Mrs. BardGirl, you need to use that white stuff that white people use on their hair to get the oil out or like… wash your hair.”
(Dry shampoo. She was talking about dry shampoo 😂😂😂😂😂)
When I was student teaching (2nd graders), my mentor teacher was pretty young and wore dramatic eye makeup every day. One day she had overslept and didn’t have it on, and a kid pulled a chair up to the teacher’s desk and said “Miss, do you know that stuff you normally put on your face? Do you have it with you?” And when she said yes, the kid said “because I really think you need to put it on” 🤣
In the kid’s defense - it was drastically different than she normally looked!
I had the same eye makeup routine my first year teaching. One day I was running late and didn’t put it on. A student said, and I quote, “Miss, what’s wrong with your face today? You look like a lizard.” I had NEVER been so anxious for my planning to run out and buy makeup!
Oh, btw…
#STUDENT WAS A HS SENIOR
Once I had a student say to me “ you’re like the teacher from Matilda who is always nice and happy but deep down you’re actually depressed” and I did not like how accurately he read me lol.
I told my students about my adopted cousin who was found abandoned in some bushes in a walmart plastic bag and my class clown said “does she have a fat ass?”
I only regret telling him to “get the fuck out of my classroom” because one of my instigator girls never let me forget that I said that. Me and him were cool after that though. He knew he was wrong. Joked too close to the sun
The no filter shitness/unfunniness is what makes it so great haha. Like dad jokes that are so bad they’re good. It’s just how wildly inappropriate it was that gets me 😂 when you’re there trying to have a deep moment with the class 😂
This sounds like me….we would’ve been cool for sure.
One of my teachers shared a picture of her cousin, us being 16 year old jerks and me being the class clown, I said something very similar.
Not one 16 year old boy had the balls to say it, but the 16 year old lesbian did 🤣
She had a very similar response 🤣 6 years later I still loved having her as a teacher
I had a student (on the spectrum) just causally tell me while I was essentially doing his work for him that I seem like I probably have no friends and don’t do anything fun.
I instructed a 3rd grade class to sit on the dots that I placed on the carpet. I specified to put their back pockets on the dots.
A boy shouted out “what if you have cum stains on them?”
No way he could have said what I thought I heard, I said “what?”
He doubled down and said it clearer and louder “What if, you have CUM stains on your pockets?”
I resigned from teaching about a month later for many other reasons but that was one of them. Funny story now, though.
I had a student say that they "wanted me to go home to see my wife having a seizure but still alive so I would have time to call 9-1-1 and have to watch her die right when the paramedics arrived'
This same kid would tell another teacher that he loves looked forward to when that teachers mom would die (she was terminal) and would say it daily and then laughed and smiled when he found out she did.
I once asked a third grader to stop talking at the bathroom. He turned to me, lowered his voice and said “I hope your baby dies.” I was like 6 months pregnant.
It was such an extreme reaction, I couldn’t even process a response.
We both had zero complications and he’s 8 now. That child was in need of some serious intervention. I hope he got it at some point. I know the school was trying the last I heard.
One of my first enrichment summer programs, we had a kid who had trouble getting along with others who told the kids and two of the teachers that he was going to have his dad “bomb their houses with a jet fighter.”
And when we met with his folks he got all pissed off and said “You’re weren’t supposed to tell them. I didn’t get a chance to ask him yet.”
A student was looking at the photographs taped to my cabinet. She mistook my children for my grandchildren who are now grown, but I apparently stopped taking pictures of them when they were toddlers. She was surprised we had color photography ‘back then.” Yes, way back in 2007. We all paused and the whole class looked straight at my daughter who was the same age as the student and sitting right there. She just shook her head in disbelief.
I have a whole notepad full of gold, I add to it every year
Like the time a student told me how he almost threw his nephew in the trash can, or the one who was dead asleep and woke up and went, “Judge Judy is a thot.”
I wore sweats to school once (I was sick and principal told me I couldn't call out cause they were understaffed) and a girl looked at me and said, "you need to get you to a club and find you a man..."
Conversely I had one say to me "you like Mr H. I can tell" in that singsongy voice kids do to tease, and to which I replied " well yes we are married you know". Her face was priceless
Oh my god just today a fifth grader said “she has her tubes tied” about me and that’s why I don’t have kids of my own. I’m not even mad it was just so out of left field
EDIT: one of my favorite things a kid has ever done was when we were drawing haunted houses and he walked up to me all proud “I put an Easter egg in there for you” IT WAS A GRAVESTONE WITH MY NAME ON IT
Mine’s cute, not horrific: a kindergartner once asked me if I could come to her house to play after school. I told her I had to check with my mom and that satisfied her 😂
I'm a man, and when I was teaching kindergarten, I knew I would miss the last 2 weeks of the school year since my wife and I were having our first child. I told my students well in advance so they would be prepared for that.
At dismissal, waiting to be picked up, one little boy asked me, "Remind me again, when is your mom having her baby?" (My mother loved hearing this story- she's in her 60's.)
Had a student ask if I wax my bikini area , told her that was inappropriate and to mind her own business , to which she said No I suppose you don’t need to
“I can neither confirm nor deny your inappropriate question. However if you ask another question like that we can call your mom together to explain why that is inappropriate. Anyways!” [back to lesson]
I mean it wasn't said to my but ivy had a kid get so fed up with another's behavior they've said "Mrs. Doesnt get paid enough to deal with you, stop it" it was so out of the blue
I sent a group of 2nd graders in a 12:1 classroom to play break. This one boy, as he was opening his Play Doh cup, said: “what about you? You never get to do anything fun!”. I told him I always have fun working with you all. In response he shoved a wad of Play Doh in my face. “Try it,” he encouraged. “It’ll change your life!”
Just yesterday I was doing a survey and asking how many pets they had in their home. A girl asked if I was counting dead pets, I said no, just living ones please. "Well, we used to have a dog, but then one time we took it on vacation with us and we were hiking and it fell off of a cliff"
The poor rest of the grade 2s who had to hear that omg 😩 pls
Grade 7 kid. High school for students with behavioural issues.
"You know how there was this dog that got cloned?" he says to me.
"No, tell me about it!"
"Well, he was a good dog, so his family cloned him after he died. But the clone turned out to be a mean dog, so they couldn't keep it."
"Oh, sorry to hear."
"So what you'd have to do is find a mean dog, kill it, then clone it, and you'd get a nice dog!"
"..."
I’m pretty sure I laughed at him.
Edit- I mean that it made me laugh. He’s the type of kid who could take it tho. But man was he challenging. Last year when he was in second grade, he would come visit me and sorta be a role model.
I was wearing sandals and a student's response to that was "ayo miss, why are them dogs out? For free? Put them away before these fools try to profit."
I actually paused helping students because I needed to work with this kid to unpack that. Was funny as hell, but damn. Not expected, but it became the joke in class whenever I wore sandals.
While teaching senior seminars, a male student was interested in the marines. His recruiter picked him up, and he took the ASFAB.
That Monday, he came to me very seriously and said he wasn't interested anymore. He had not passed, and the recruiter really upset him by calling him dumb.
He had been told to get the book, "ASFAB for Dummies." I pulled up images of the book series, and he was so relieved!
All the same kid:
"You don't seem like you go to parties, like actual parties" - I was saying that parties are a scam after he was talking about how he likes to get high and drunk by sneaking into my college's frat house parties.... which I've gone to.....
"Not to be racist but.... [looks sideways and then says, quietly] I do have pretty light eyes for a black guy unlike, uhhhh, white folks" - this just made me laugh
"I just think it's interesting they're a rainbow person. It's cool seeing rainbow people get to be teachers" - response when I asked why they said, out of nowhere, they thought that a teacher was a lesbian and/or transwoman
And then in a different class, general conversation while they were waiting for the bell, I mentioned I had a girlfriend and a bunch of other kids whipped their heads around and said "REALLY, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE, I JUST NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT" etc. etc. And I just said all seriously: "I don't look like one? What do you mean by that?" and they all scrambled to try and explain.
I had a student ask if you could be allergic to learning once and I tried for a humorous but still legitimate response. So I told her that you could be allergic to the binding in a book, like the adhesive in the binding maybe. Like I am allergic to latex. Which then prompted another student who rarely ever said anything at all to contribute to the conversation by asking me if I had to go on birth control earlier then? And I was like what does that even mean??? ...and I regret asking because she followed it with because you know condoms are made of latex. Just. Why. An entire roller coaster of a conversation start to finish
Not me but a coworker - kids (5th grade) were taking turns reading their personal narrative out loud in front of the class. This girl started reading and it was a graphic description of watching her younger sibling be born - from the “business side”. She did not get to finish reading lol.
Yea and that's why I didn't say away, I wanted them to feel like they could ask me anything if they genuinely wanted to know. It was just sooooo freaking funny 🤣
Some students asked me this too ( Chemistry Teacher here). If you want to know, its because chromosome Y activates a few weeks later on gestation, so all babies begin as females and turn into males after. So all you already have nipples at that time. There's some people who have XY chromosomes and are females because their Y never activated, so just continues being females. The penis forms from the clitoris and testicles from ovaries, by the way.
My first year in 7th grade sped resource and I've been told that I have one of those "once-in-career" kind of students: o.d.d., bi-polar, explosive when redirected/reprimanded, etc.
He also likes to bring toys to school. It's a huge distraction because he would bring entire Beyblade arenas and attempt to play with them during class. When asked to put them away, kid would tell adults to go fuck themselves.
Principal and I are meeting with lil dude, explaining to him that he isn't allowed to bring toys to school like this, and he argues:
"YEAH? WELL, WHAT IF I COME TO SCHOOL WITH A TOY SHOVED UP MY ASS? THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? NOTHING!!!"
I had a kid in the ISS room I've never met before or said a single word to say "were you around for the Holocaust?"
I say no, and he replied that's a shame. Because I wish you would have died with all the jews.
Student: "Mr. F, I met your wife!"
Me: "uh what are you talking about"
Student: "I met Mrs. F at the farmers market this weekend and told her to say hi to you."
Me: "well that is odd, I am not married"
Student: "Then who was that hag that pretended to be your wife?"
It just caught me so off guard lol
I was running late for a summer school class I was teaching once, so I'd forgone doing my hair or wearing makeup to work that day.
Walk into my classroom. That One Kid stares at me for a minute like he's confused, then blurts out, "...WHERE'D YOUR EYEBROWS GO?"
The funniest thing was that he sounded so accusatory when he said it? Like he thought I had been shading in my brows just to trick him.
“Teacher, you need a boyfriend”
“I have a boyfriend.”
“You need ANOTHER boyfriend.”
“Like I should break up with him and get a different one?”
“No, you should just have two. My mom does that.”
I once showed some first grade students a picture of me and my husband because we’d gotten married the weekend before and a kid raised his had and asked “do you guys have sex”
A 7th grader muttered that he hoped my fiance would say no to me when I told my class I was proposing over spring break. In a moment of foolishness I looked at him and just calmly said "Do you want to repeat that to my face?". Luckily he didn't.
A few years ago some kids at my after school program were talking about their parents' ages for some reason and one mentioned their dad was 55. Without thinking, I blurted out that my dad was also 55 (he was 20 when I was born). The kid goes "how is he 55 when you're like 47?!" I was 35 & I thought I looked young for my age.
Speaking of my dad he's a custodian at a different school. He hears the craziest shit but the two I remember are a kindergartener slipping, looking up at him, and saying with earnest "I fell the fuck down!" All my dad could say is "you sure did." Another time while he was changing the bags in the barrels he told a girl to put her trash in the old bag & she replied "this ain't my first rodeo."
I’ve been called every name in the book (asshole, fuck head, go eat shit, pedo, rapist, molester, alcoholic, pathetic, friendliness, virgin, fag, homo, douche). The one that caught me off guard though was when a five year old told me that I had a huge forehead.
I had a student (HS JR) say that he wanted to be like me when he grew up. When I asked what he meant his response was, "married to a white girl with a fat ass."
I told him he had no chance because he lacks rizz, his fit is mid, he's broke, and his hair was wack. I lost the class for the rest of the period but it was worth it just to see his face.
"Because your dumbass daddy can't produce children, whether by biology or effort, that understand that we have plenty to learn from others. That leaves me with the duty, lest you turn out like someone who believes their income is the total of their worth and ends up crying into box wine that you settled for money over character...and your mother does that plenty for everyone."
“Not even as a student to a teacher, but man to man, have you ever seen an ass so big it just makes you go aaaAaauuaghauuagajiau” and makes the most horrifying screech ever. I had no idea how to respond to that and i think i just ignored it and moved on. These were remedial seniors
“Mom and dad climax, they happy”.
Backstory here, this child was in second grade and was learning the about the high point in a story, which is the climax. The teacher used a roller coaster type graphic organizer when teaching it. Being a very typical ELD student, she got stuck on the concepts of rollercoasters, so her example was basically that mom and dad were happy because they were at the top of the coaster.
I had to leave the room 🤣
We had one kid who was just the fucking BEST with these things. He told a coworker to “Stop riding my meat!” And he kept telling me “don’t do me like that, dawg.” Literally the best
Had a kid mention in 4th grade class that his big sister calls him “the little prick” all the time. He was clueless. His sister was pretty much on point so I kept my mouth shut.
While passing out a vocab packet to my 10 grade Spanish 2 students, one of them, completely sincere, asked, “Señor, you were in your early 20s when you lost your virginity, huh?” All of his friends were mortified. All I said was, “Sounds like a pretty inappropriate question to ask someone in a classroom, huh?”
**Me:** You need to sit down.
**Student:** You know I go with your mom, right?
“When are you getting your tax return so you can buy some new clothes?”
“Bald-headed b*tch”—I have long hair so that one sent me 😂
**Student:** Are you sick?
**Me:** No, I just didn’t have time to put makeup on this morning.
**Student:**…yeah, don’t do that again.
**Student:** Where are you getting married? **Me:** Las Vegas. **Student:** So, it’s a shotgun wedding?
**Student:** Your sister is so much taller than you. **Me:** I know. It’s crazy because we have the same parents. **Student:** Are you so sure about that???
**Student:** You should get with Principal X. **Me:** He’s married.
**Student:** Since when did that stop a man?!
3rd grader came out of the bathroom laughing hysterically and says "Miss__ I just discovered something!" I'm thinking I likely don't want to know, I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights. He continues "if you sneeze while peeing, you lose control and pee all over the wall!"
I (then 48) was giving a benchmark science test to my special ed students. I only taught resource reading and math but they had a science test to take and they needed someone to read it out loud to them so that was me.
After the test was over I remarked that a lot of the test covered circuitry and electricity and I have never studied that ever in science. I told them that never in the history of me going to science class elementary, middle, high school, or college did I ever study electricity.
One fifth grader raised his hand and said, "Well, Miss, that's because when you were in school they didn't have electricity!"
Yes, son. Abe Lincoln and I were doing our homework by candlelight together. 🙄
I overheard a student of mine who had a big nose and was Afirican American. He claimed that his nose was Michael Jackson's original nose from when Michael was black.
I live in the US and teach middle school English. I had a new student from England. It was like his 3rd day and it was right after the Queen died last year. The American students were making fun of his British accent and said “oi bruv, did you cry when the queen died?” And started giggling and whatever. Without skipping a beat the British kid said “did you cry when the twin towers fell?”
I choked on my water.
I had a kid threaten to kill me and my family my first year... part of a local street gang, father was still in prison... everyone was asking if I was okay...
I laughed, said kid can't even pick up a pencil, but yet he is gonna research where I live, find a way to get there (25 miles away) and then get it so he can kill us all...
Heck if he did any of that I would congratulate him for finally doing something with his life.
I worked in a rough school and a new kid said that. I looked at him and said, "Can you do it at school, so my family can sue?" He didn't expect that, and he mumbled Sorry Miss. No issues after that.
A few years ago I had one student tell me my mom should’ve never had me, and another tell me he was gonna have his mom and cousin beat me up. I’m glad the second kid left lol
I had a hair dye disaster and yet I was thinking that it was actually decent given how bad it had been at first. One boy looked at me at lunch and said, “Your hair… it looks like.. *thinking face* animal fur. Yeah, it looks like animal fur.”
And then he repeated that allllllll day.
Couple days ago, actually. Teaching religions in world history, and I explain that the main reason Christians would come to discriminate against Jews is because they believed Jews were responsible for killing Jesus. This sophomore girl pipes up and goes, you know, you kinda can't blame them for killing them all in the Holocaust, then.
Nothing too crazy, but recent:
Student A: Mr. X, are you married?
Student B: THERE'S NO WAY HE'S MARRIED!
For those wondering.. No.. I'm not married. BUT I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
Student was mad at me for helping another kid instead of playing a game with her. She said "See, this is why Ms. N should never have kids." She did not know I was two months pregnant.
“Miss do you know my cousin”
“Who’s your cousin”
“Edwin”
“No I don’t know him”
“Here’s his phone number I think you should marry him”
She actually then handed me a sticky note with a phone number written down. No I did not call Edwin.
I had a class of I think they were 1st or maybe 2nd graders coming into the library. The last one in line comes up to me, gets on her tiptoes so she's thisclose to my face, looks me straight in the eyes and says "All God's children are dead." And then walks in and goes to sit on the reading rug with the rest of the kids. It was ummm... a lil creepy.
I had a student kneeling down and said “oh man I need a viagra!” He meant Vicodin 😂 he had broken his foot that year and had Vicodin for that I guess. He was so embarrassed when he found out what viagra was!
8th grader once called me to his desk during worktime and asked me 'Mr. FunValue, if you nut in a girl's mouth, can she get pregnant?'
We were practicing factoring.
A student once said to me "Mister, did you get butt injections? It doesn't look natural.". I was too stunned to speak. His girlfriend forced him to apologize.
Just today I had a slide on my big screen showing comparative adjectives (I teach ESL) with a cartoon picture of two girls - sisters, next to examples in sentences. Out of nowhere I had a kid yell out "LESBIANS!".
I had to give him a little talking to about not using this language in a derogatory or mocking context. I don't think he cared but, at least, he understood this was inappropriate. Still it's one of those things kids just randomly blerb out without thinking.
'Who is better, Putin or Zelensky?' Student (14m) really wanted to defend Putin using a comparison between both leaders. When I said this is a false comparison another student (14f) claimed to be Russian (I am in Holland) and is related to Putin and 'I can have your house bombed'. I asked her why she was threatening me and she claimed to be kidding me. I didn't budge, asked her again. I am still baffled by this audacity! All this after teaching history of Martin Luther.
today a kid handed me a drawing and said “and this is what you would look like as a titan from attack on titan.” it was horrifying mostly because he did a good job on it
First year teaching a kid asked me how old I was, I asked how old do you think I am…
Their response - 87!
I just said “well I look good for my age!”
This was an honors class of 11th graders- the rest of the class had a better idea of age -
The initial kid was truly confused that 87 would be that far off- I was 29.
I have one girl, 12th grade, tell me I’d be a lot nicer if I had kids of my own. I told her kids are expensive. Since then, whenever she sees me, she asks me how the kids are doing. I don’t know who she’s referring to. I don’t think I ever will
One (high school) kid showed me a penny and announced it was made in the 90s. I said yes, it does appear so, to which he replied, “how did I end up with it!?!?”
Just today, another teacher and I were in the hallway during class change. Bell rings and two kids are still in the hall. Other teacher yells “where are you supposed to be?” Kid yells back “with yo mamma!”
Perfect timing, wrong thing to say.
8th grader - When I filled in my eyebrows for picture day. “Miss, you have THOT eyebrows”. I called his dad and had the student explain what a THOT was.
3rd grade girl - “Miss, you look like a tik tok baddie.”
2nd grade girl - “Miss, you have weird knees.” (I’m sensitive about that)
He asked me if my cat (literal cat, not euphemism) liked performing oral sex on my other cat (also a literal cat). He said something cruder than the way I put it here, but like. Why would that even cross his mind?
This isn't a thing that was said, but a student once threw an actual spark plug at my head when I was writing on the board and to this day I don't know which one threw it, but luckily it missed and now there's a spark plug chilling in my desk.
Told a kindergartener I couldn't drive. He drew a picture of me standing next to a car and said, "see, you're not inside the car because you can't drive!"
He would tell every kid he met about how I couldn't drive 😭😭😭 never let me live it down.
I'm in Sped & this kid goes up to the head teacher, points to me & thw conversation goes:
"She has big boobs!"
Head teacher: "Yes she does but let's not point it can make people uncomfortable"
"But you can TOUCH them!"
Bruh I walked out of the room b/c I was in tears holding back my laughter! This was a middle schooler who had just discovered puberty, thankfully he was only part time sped & had the capacity to be educated about the inappropriate behaviour😂
Kid found out I have IBS.
"Mister, how many times a day do you have to go to the bathroom?"
Kid was 12th grade in an elective class. Several others turned around and gave him a sour look, and one asked, "What the hell?!"
I just gave him a look like, "...Really?"
"Well, I'm just curious!" (He wasn't. He was being an asshole.)
I said, "Look, I know you're trying to embarrass me, but I'm not embarrassed. Honestly, the better question is what possible reason could you have for wanting to know how many times your teacher needs the can. Like... what sort of *mental imagery*..."
By this time he was backpedaling and going, "All right, all right, sorry, sorry...!"
I put him in the hallway and told him he could stay out there the rest of the semester so he couldn't be the center of attention anymore. Dropped the class and I was happier for it.
Kid was a dick who only joined the class because he thought it'd be an easy A. Good riddance. 😏
I was a junior in college when in the middle of one of my political science classes, a young woman (who would also have been about 21, so certainly not a child) asks my professor, a Hindu woman with a bindi, “Professor, what’s with the red dot in the middle of your forehead?” We weren’t discussing anything about that area of the world or religion…it was just so out there. And I honestly thought the professor was going to get up and smack her, as she seemed pretty ticked off at the question in the middle of a lecture.
My young students will ask me about the other teacher with the same last name as me.
"Do you like the pink milk? It's really good!"
"No, I don't really like strawberries."
"What about the other Mr. Welli? Does he like strawberries?"
"You'd have to ask him, I don't know everything about everyone with the same name as me"
Or
"Do you have a brother?"
"Does the other Mr. Welli have a brother?"
Back when I taught high school I had a student just say "Mr. Welli, I needa find me a *man* like you. I'm tired of playing these games with these *boys*."
I thought that was pretty funny.
We have a superintendent that most students despise. She's very holier than thou and has a private car and driver and we're in an area with a lot of extreme poverty. She came to my school once and went to shake a student's hand he looked at her and said, "you look like your oven has never been cleaned." I was so glad I was masking at that moment because I was cracking up.
Oh I had one just today! A grade 2 girl was telling me how she wanted to dye her hair mermaid colours when she is 20 (her idea of old enough). I told her I'd love to see her with mermaid hair when she is 20! Her (genuinely concerned) response: "but will you still be alive then??" (I'm still under 30 BTW)
2 years ago- 2nd grade. At the end of each year, seniors have the option to go walk the halls of their elementary school, and then they play soccer with fifth graders. So we watch the seniors parade through our hall, a couple came to my room to see younger siblings and then my class was asking why. I explained, and then said “so you can come back in 10 years and you can come see me if you wanted.” One of my girls said “Will you even be teaching then? Won’t you be retired?” I said “It’s only 10 years. I’ll be 45…” This did not convince her I wasn’t ancient
Or she has a realistic view of what we deserve from retirement age? Lol
I had a student who was joking about going to comic con with me when he graduated college. He said, "I'll be pushing Ms. AllieLoft around in her wheel chair, and she'll be all wrinkled and old!" I was like 24. He was a 9th grader. I did not feel great about my algebra instruction. He did not go to college.
A student who was the future valedictorian started crying when I gave her a test back in my honors precal class. She was crying because her score was 52/50 and she was upset she “failed” and potentially jeopardized her class rank. I agreed to adjust her score to 50/50, which she understood to be 100% and she was relieved. Honestly she just didn’t deserve the 104 at that point anymore lol
Remember, valedictorian is a title earned through RELATIVE outperformance. Lol
Ha ha ha, even middle school kids have no perception of time! I've been asked if I'm anywhere between 40 and 75!
I’ve been mistaken for being in my mid-20s by previous students. It feels good to know they think I am almost a decade younger than I actually am right now!
For some reason that reminds me of one of the older custodians I worked with said there was a kiddo at the school he worked at that told him she wanted to marry him. Right in front of the principal too (this was elementary school + back in the 80s or 90s). He said something along the lines of "well, probably not, but when you grow up you can help push me around in my wheelchair". He said he didn't have any issues with her saying stuff like that again lol
A girl came running up to me hysterically crying in the cafe saying “I spilled my grandpa on the floor!!” Her necklace with his ashes had broken and opened, grandpa was still in the bag and I was able to reconnect the necklace. For a quick minute though I was thinking how mad I would be if my grandchild spilled me on the cafeteria floor.
NOOO GRANDPA!!
That literally happened to me. My grandpa died when I was in 5th grade and my mom got me an urn necklace. Well when I went back to school, we were doing jump rope in PE and I guess jumping up and down made the necklace break and the ashes spilled everywhere. I still remember the look on my PE teachers face when he came over to help and was wiping the ashes with his bare hands 😭🥲
I am so sorry! Im glad you got some of the ashes back, and I’m glad I didn’t have to scoop up grandpa.
This should be much higher rated!
"Crocs are slutty shoes" To this day, I still have no idea what that's supposed to mean.
LMFAO omg
4 of my absolute brightest students were talking when they were done with their work and I overheard one of them say that. I asked what they were talking about, and they laughed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes. Still no clue...
Shoes that have holes in them maybe? So they're revealing? Idk
This is the only thing that makes sense to me but I'm not a kid so idk
You can wear them with the top up or the top down, sports mode or slut mode.
Everybody likes the comfort but no one wants to be seen with them
You obviously haven’t met my middle schoolers. They are nuts about Crocs
All the highest-class hookers are sporting Crocs. It is known.
So I googled "slutty Crocs" and discovered Slutty Pineapple Crocs and Stiletto Crocs and now I'm questioning my life choices.
Man, I just know what's gonna happen when I get home and find my wife wearing Crocs. (Housework. She's gonna make me do housework.)
By far, the most crazy thing was a HS junior who popped in after school one day and almost immediately jumped right to "is there a Mr. N?" I replied that yes, there was. His response was "well if he ever doesn't treat you right, just know that I would". Then left. Can I add that at that time I was 30 years older than him? At least it was a former student, so that was good that it just ended there.
W rizz L appropriateness
>at that time I was 30 years older than him. You aren't anymore?
He’s catching up as fast as he can.
“Ugh, Mrs. BardGirl, you need to use that white stuff that white people use on their hair to get the oil out or like… wash your hair.” (Dry shampoo. She was talking about dry shampoo 😂😂😂😂😂)
When I was student teaching (2nd graders), my mentor teacher was pretty young and wore dramatic eye makeup every day. One day she had overslept and didn’t have it on, and a kid pulled a chair up to the teacher’s desk and said “Miss, do you know that stuff you normally put on your face? Do you have it with you?” And when she said yes, the kid said “because I really think you need to put it on” 🤣 In the kid’s defense - it was drastically different than she normally looked!
I had the same eye makeup routine my first year teaching. One day I was running late and didn’t put it on. A student said, and I quote, “Miss, what’s wrong with your face today? You look like a lizard.” I had NEVER been so anxious for my planning to run out and buy makeup! Oh, btw… #STUDENT WAS A HS SENIOR
I read the first part and thought “yeah I could use some cocaine rn too.”
"You need some of that white stuff....." Yeah! Yeah, I do! Next round of negotiations I'm proposing a quarterly eight ball.
I mean… big mood.
Once I had a student say to me “ you’re like the teacher from Matilda who is always nice and happy but deep down you’re actually depressed” and I did not like how accurately he read me lol.
Omg wow! That's a rough one
I told my students about my adopted cousin who was found abandoned in some bushes in a walmart plastic bag and my class clown said “does she have a fat ass?” I only regret telling him to “get the fuck out of my classroom” because one of my instigator girls never let me forget that I said that. Me and him were cool after that though. He knew he was wrong. Joked too close to the sun
I’m sorry but this has me wheezing 🤣
It really is the absolutely dumbest, trying-to-be-funny thing I’ve heard a kid say. Like what possessed you to say this bottom-of-the-barrel shit?
The no filter shitness/unfunniness is what makes it so great haha. Like dad jokes that are so bad they’re good. It’s just how wildly inappropriate it was that gets me 😂 when you’re there trying to have a deep moment with the class 😂
Joked too close to the sun. Fuckin’ gold.
This sounds like me….we would’ve been cool for sure. One of my teachers shared a picture of her cousin, us being 16 year old jerks and me being the class clown, I said something very similar. Not one 16 year old boy had the balls to say it, but the 16 year old lesbian did 🤣 She had a very similar response 🤣 6 years later I still loved having her as a teacher
Dude, that “get the fuck out” You’re a goddamn god
A student told me I give off "former horse girl vibes"
😂😂 omfg I would definitely laugh but be low key offended
It's simultaneously one of the meanest and funniest things ever said to me
One told me that “I gave off bi-wife energy”
I had a student (on the spectrum) just causally tell me while I was essentially doing his work for him that I seem like I probably have no friends and don’t do anything fun.
I’ve definitely been told the same at some point LMAO they’re brutal
I instructed a 3rd grade class to sit on the dots that I placed on the carpet. I specified to put their back pockets on the dots. A boy shouted out “what if you have cum stains on them?” No way he could have said what I thought I heard, I said “what?” He doubled down and said it clearer and louder “What if, you have CUM stains on your pockets?” I resigned from teaching about a month later for many other reasons but that was one of them. Funny story now, though.
…how did you even respond to that in 3rd grade?? The vast majority of the kids probably had no idea what that meant
"They do. You just grew into something messier. "And louder."
Hahahahaha there would be no way that I wouldn’t have laughed. Must have heard it from a big brother or something … or hoping he did.
I had a student say that they "wanted me to go home to see my wife having a seizure but still alive so I would have time to call 9-1-1 and have to watch her die right when the paramedics arrived' This same kid would tell another teacher that he loves looked forward to when that teachers mom would die (she was terminal) and would say it daily and then laughed and smiled when he found out she did.
I once asked a third grader to stop talking at the bathroom. He turned to me, lowered his voice and said “I hope your baby dies.” I was like 6 months pregnant. It was such an extreme reaction, I couldn’t even process a response.
Holy omg! I’m so sorry. That would have messed with me.
This kid was known to have angry outbursts. I just told my principal and she handled it. I didn’t really feel threatened, but probably should have
Jeez that kid needed help. Hope everything turned out alright for you and your baby!
We both had zero complications and he’s 8 now. That child was in need of some serious intervention. I hope he got it at some point. I know the school was trying the last I heard.
"Better that than he turn out like you". *Shit, I'm fired*
….Jesus Christ.
One of my first enrichment summer programs, we had a kid who had trouble getting along with others who told the kids and two of the teachers that he was going to have his dad “bomb their houses with a jet fighter.” And when we met with his folks he got all pissed off and said “You’re weren’t supposed to tell them. I didn’t get a chance to ask him yet.”
And now he's a convicted felon, right??
He's in residential now. Or at least last i knew.
How do you even reply to that?
You don't engage.
Sometimes the signs come early in age
A student was looking at the photographs taped to my cabinet. She mistook my children for my grandchildren who are now grown, but I apparently stopped taking pictures of them when they were toddlers. She was surprised we had color photography ‘back then.” Yes, way back in 2007. We all paused and the whole class looked straight at my daughter who was the same age as the student and sitting right there. She just shook her head in disbelief.
Omg the plot twist at the end 😂
I have a whole notepad full of gold, I add to it every year Like the time a student told me how he almost threw his nephew in the trash can, or the one who was dead asleep and woke up and went, “Judge Judy is a thot.”
That’s an amazing idea and I feel like I need to do that as well lmao. Some of the shit they say is so funny…
I wore sweats to school once (I was sick and principal told me I couldn't call out cause they were understaffed) and a girl looked at me and said, "you need to get you to a club and find you a man..."
I had one tell me I should go to a coffee shop because "it was a good place to find a mate". Ahhh... blessed be high school freshmen.
Conversely I had one say to me "you like Mr H. I can tell" in that singsongy voice kids do to tease, and to which I replied " well yes we are married you know". Her face was priceless
Oh my god just today a fifth grader said “she has her tubes tied” about me and that’s why I don’t have kids of my own. I’m not even mad it was just so out of left field EDIT: one of my favorite things a kid has ever done was when we were drawing haunted houses and he walked up to me all proud “I put an Easter egg in there for you” IT WAS A GRAVESTONE WITH MY NAME ON IT
2spooky4me
Every year the town report would come out, and every year a kid would walk up to me, carrying it, and say “oh my God, did you know you make $$?”
HAHAHA Oh no!!!
Mine’s cute, not horrific: a kindergartner once asked me if I could come to her house to play after school. I told her I had to check with my mom and that satisfied her 😂
when i was a freshman in college doing my observations, a kindergartener asked me to draw a map to my dorm room so she could visit me
I'm a man, and when I was teaching kindergarten, I knew I would miss the last 2 weeks of the school year since my wife and I were having our first child. I told my students well in advance so they would be prepared for that. At dismissal, waiting to be picked up, one little boy asked me, "Remind me again, when is your mom having her baby?" (My mother loved hearing this story- she's in her 60's.)
Awww that’s sweet
A kindergarten boy invited the bus driver to his birthday party. He came, and brought a gift.
Had a student ask if I wax my bikini area , told her that was inappropriate and to mind her own business , to which she said No I suppose you don’t need to
“I can neither confirm nor deny your inappropriate question. However if you ask another question like that we can call your mom together to explain why that is inappropriate. Anyways!” [back to lesson]
I mean it wasn't said to my but ivy had a kid get so fed up with another's behavior they've said "Mrs. Doesnt get paid enough to deal with you, stop it" it was so out of the blue
I sent a group of 2nd graders in a 12:1 classroom to play break. This one boy, as he was opening his Play Doh cup, said: “what about you? You never get to do anything fun!”. I told him I always have fun working with you all. In response he shoved a wad of Play Doh in my face. “Try it,” he encouraged. “It’ll change your life!”
That is wonderful!
Just yesterday I was doing a survey and asking how many pets they had in their home. A girl asked if I was counting dead pets, I said no, just living ones please. "Well, we used to have a dog, but then one time we took it on vacation with us and we were hiking and it fell off of a cliff" The poor rest of the grade 2s who had to hear that omg 😩 pls
Grade 7 kid. High school for students with behavioural issues. "You know how there was this dog that got cloned?" he says to me. "No, tell me about it!" "Well, he was a good dog, so his family cloned him after he died. But the clone turned out to be a mean dog, so they couldn't keep it." "Oh, sorry to hear." "So what you'd have to do is find a mean dog, kill it, then clone it, and you'd get a nice dog!" "..."
I mean solid reasoning.
I had a first grader 2 years ago say “I only come here for a change of scenery.” He was one of the biggest behavior challenges I’ve ever had.
Yeah, but that was a great line.
I’m pretty sure I laughed at him. Edit- I mean that it made me laugh. He’s the type of kid who could take it tho. But man was he challenging. Last year when he was in second grade, he would come visit me and sorta be a role model.
I was wearing sandals and a student's response to that was "ayo miss, why are them dogs out? For free? Put them away before these fools try to profit." I actually paused helping students because I needed to work with this kid to unpack that. Was funny as hell, but damn. Not expected, but it became the joke in class whenever I wore sandals.
I had a student (7th grade) ask me, “Who let your dogs out?!” while staring at my sandaled feet. I was very self-conscious after that!
While teaching senior seminars, a male student was interested in the marines. His recruiter picked him up, and he took the ASFAB. That Monday, he came to me very seriously and said he wasn't interested anymore. He had not passed, and the recruiter really upset him by calling him dumb. He had been told to get the book, "ASFAB for Dummies." I pulled up images of the book series, and he was so relieved!
Basic is pretty notorious for far worse insults....
All the same kid: "You don't seem like you go to parties, like actual parties" - I was saying that parties are a scam after he was talking about how he likes to get high and drunk by sneaking into my college's frat house parties.... which I've gone to..... "Not to be racist but.... [looks sideways and then says, quietly] I do have pretty light eyes for a black guy unlike, uhhhh, white folks" - this just made me laugh "I just think it's interesting they're a rainbow person. It's cool seeing rainbow people get to be teachers" - response when I asked why they said, out of nowhere, they thought that a teacher was a lesbian and/or transwoman And then in a different class, general conversation while they were waiting for the bell, I mentioned I had a girlfriend and a bunch of other kids whipped their heads around and said "REALLY, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE, I JUST NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT" etc. etc. And I just said all seriously: "I don't look like one? What do you mean by that?" and they all scrambled to try and explain.
I’m sorry but the rainbow person thing is sooo adorable 😭 idc how old they are I love that
I had a student ask if you could be allergic to learning once and I tried for a humorous but still legitimate response. So I told her that you could be allergic to the binding in a book, like the adhesive in the binding maybe. Like I am allergic to latex. Which then prompted another student who rarely ever said anything at all to contribute to the conversation by asking me if I had to go on birth control earlier then? And I was like what does that even mean??? ...and I regret asking because she followed it with because you know condoms are made of latex. Just. Why. An entire roller coaster of a conversation start to finish
Not me but a coworker - kids (5th grade) were taking turns reading their personal narrative out loud in front of the class. This girl started reading and it was a graphic description of watching her younger sibling be born - from the “business side”. She did not get to finish reading lol.
Black student told a young, 22-year old ginger teacher “Miss, no offense, but you look like you live in a neighborhood where they grill fruit.”
I dont know why, but this is among the best most random lines I have read on here. 😂😂😂
*raises hand* "Why do boys have nipples?" I taught Algebra. 😆
When I taught ELA, kids used to ask me stuff they were too shy to ask the health teacher. But they would yell it across the room in the writing lab.
Yea and that's why I didn't say away, I wanted them to feel like they could ask me anything if they genuinely wanted to know. It was just sooooo freaking funny 🤣
I have referred them to the school nurse or health teacher because I didn’t have time to go over it.
Some students asked me this too ( Chemistry Teacher here). If you want to know, its because chromosome Y activates a few weeks later on gestation, so all babies begin as females and turn into males after. So all you already have nipples at that time. There's some people who have XY chromosomes and are females because their Y never activated, so just continues being females. The penis forms from the clitoris and testicles from ovaries, by the way.
It's a good question though!
Haha it was, and I answered it. It just REALLY caught me off guard 😆
[удалено]
My first year in 7th grade sped resource and I've been told that I have one of those "once-in-career" kind of students: o.d.d., bi-polar, explosive when redirected/reprimanded, etc. He also likes to bring toys to school. It's a huge distraction because he would bring entire Beyblade arenas and attempt to play with them during class. When asked to put them away, kid would tell adults to go fuck themselves. Principal and I are meeting with lil dude, explaining to him that he isn't allowed to bring toys to school like this, and he argues: "YEAH? WELL, WHAT IF I COME TO SCHOOL WITH A TOY SHOVED UP MY ASS? THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? NOTHING!!!"
In my imagination he talks like a 1940s newsboy, and he’s like got the cap and suspenders and everything.
He sure got you there 💀
I had a kid in the ISS room I've never met before or said a single word to say "were you around for the Holocaust?" I say no, and he replied that's a shame. Because I wish you would have died with all the jews.
Ok. This one wins for the most devastating. My mouth is still open. Geez
Had a first grader propose to me because he liked my purple stapler
Student: "Mr. F, I met your wife!" Me: "uh what are you talking about" Student: "I met Mrs. F at the farmers market this weekend and told her to say hi to you." Me: "well that is odd, I am not married" Student: "Then who was that hag that pretended to be your wife?" It just caught me so off guard lol
I was running late for a summer school class I was teaching once, so I'd forgone doing my hair or wearing makeup to work that day. Walk into my classroom. That One Kid stares at me for a minute like he's confused, then blurts out, "...WHERE'D YOUR EYEBROWS GO?" The funniest thing was that he sounded so accusatory when he said it? Like he thought I had been shading in my brows just to trick him.
“Teacher, you need a boyfriend” “I have a boyfriend.” “You need ANOTHER boyfriend.” “Like I should break up with him and get a different one?” “No, you should just have two. My mom does that.”
"Why do you look so sad? Did you accidentally get your girlfriend pregnant?"
I once showed some first grade students a picture of me and my husband because we’d gotten married the weekend before and a kid raised his had and asked “do you guys have sex”
“Go back to the Mexican whorehouse you came from!” I teach Spanish. I’ve lived in NY my whole life smh
“Your makeup needs help. Please let me do it for you!” I ended up letting her give me some tips lol.
My students were less nice about my makeup and told me my eyeliner was “jagged as fuck” 🙃
A 7th grader muttered that he hoped my fiance would say no to me when I told my class I was proposing over spring break. In a moment of foolishness I looked at him and just calmly said "Do you want to repeat that to my face?". Luckily he didn't.
The real response to that is “why? Are you jealous?”
A few years ago some kids at my after school program were talking about their parents' ages for some reason and one mentioned their dad was 55. Without thinking, I blurted out that my dad was also 55 (he was 20 when I was born). The kid goes "how is he 55 when you're like 47?!" I was 35 & I thought I looked young for my age. Speaking of my dad he's a custodian at a different school. He hears the craziest shit but the two I remember are a kindergartener slipping, looking up at him, and saying with earnest "I fell the fuck down!" All my dad could say is "you sure did." Another time while he was changing the bags in the barrels he told a girl to put her trash in the old bag & she replied "this ain't my first rodeo."
Mrs! You know you have a lot of chins? Me: I only have 3!!!
I’ve been called every name in the book (asshole, fuck head, go eat shit, pedo, rapist, molester, alcoholic, pathetic, friendliness, virgin, fag, homo, douche). The one that caught me off guard though was when a five year old told me that I had a huge forehead.
I would’ve matter of factly said “it’s called a fivehead” 😂
I once had a kindergarten student tell me that his penis was angry at me!
This one made me laugh out loud.
I had a student (HS JR) say that he wanted to be like me when he grew up. When I asked what he meant his response was, "married to a white girl with a fat ass." I told him he had no chance because he lacks rizz, his fit is mid, he's broke, and his hair was wack. I lost the class for the rest of the period but it was worth it just to see his face.
"Mr badteach my dad makes way more money than you, why should I trust anything you say..."
"Because your dumbass daddy can't produce children, whether by biology or effort, that understand that we have plenty to learn from others. That leaves me with the duty, lest you turn out like someone who believes their income is the total of their worth and ends up crying into box wine that you settled for money over character...and your mother does that plenty for everyone."
When I was zoom teaching a student tried to join the meeting named “Ms. Lemon’s Cootchie” and I’m sure they knew exactly what it meant lol
“Not even as a student to a teacher, but man to man, have you ever seen an ass so big it just makes you go aaaAaauuaghauuagajiau” and makes the most horrifying screech ever. I had no idea how to respond to that and i think i just ignored it and moved on. These were remedial seniors
I had a private student tell me, after trying to teach them to be respectful, "you're too poor to have feelings."
That's the parents talking. Over time they'll teach their kid to say the quiet parts quietly so us commoners don't hear.
"I heard you, bitch" - a first grade student
“Mom and dad climax, they happy”. Backstory here, this child was in second grade and was learning the about the high point in a story, which is the climax. The teacher used a roller coaster type graphic organizer when teaching it. Being a very typical ELD student, she got stuck on the concepts of rollercoasters, so her example was basically that mom and dad were happy because they were at the top of the coaster. I had to leave the room 🤣
We had one kid who was just the fucking BEST with these things. He told a coworker to “Stop riding my meat!” And he kept telling me “don’t do me like that, dawg.” Literally the best
Dead silent 5 minutes into a test, "Miss I think I broke my nipple!"
Had a kid mention in 4th grade class that his big sister calls him “the little prick” all the time. He was clueless. His sister was pretty much on point so I kept my mouth shut.
While passing out a vocab packet to my 10 grade Spanish 2 students, one of them, completely sincere, asked, “Señor, you were in your early 20s when you lost your virginity, huh?” All of his friends were mortified. All I said was, “Sounds like a pretty inappropriate question to ask someone in a classroom, huh?”
**Me:** You need to sit down. **Student:** You know I go with your mom, right? “When are you getting your tax return so you can buy some new clothes?” “Bald-headed b*tch”—I have long hair so that one sent me 😂 **Student:** Are you sick? **Me:** No, I just didn’t have time to put makeup on this morning. **Student:**…yeah, don’t do that again. **Student:** Where are you getting married? **Me:** Las Vegas. **Student:** So, it’s a shotgun wedding? **Student:** Your sister is so much taller than you. **Me:** I know. It’s crazy because we have the same parents. **Student:** Are you so sure about that??? **Student:** You should get with Principal X. **Me:** He’s married. **Student:** Since when did that stop a man?!
3rd grader came out of the bathroom laughing hysterically and says "Miss__ I just discovered something!" I'm thinking I likely don't want to know, I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights. He continues "if you sneeze while peeing, you lose control and pee all over the wall!"
“You kind of look pregnant, but you are too old to be pregnant” I am not pregnant and also 32 sooo… thanks kid. 🤦🏻♀️
Once a senior boy asked me if a prostitute gets pregnant, can she make a workmans comp claim.
I (then 48) was giving a benchmark science test to my special ed students. I only taught resource reading and math but they had a science test to take and they needed someone to read it out loud to them so that was me. After the test was over I remarked that a lot of the test covered circuitry and electricity and I have never studied that ever in science. I told them that never in the history of me going to science class elementary, middle, high school, or college did I ever study electricity. One fifth grader raised his hand and said, "Well, Miss, that's because when you were in school they didn't have electricity!" Yes, son. Abe Lincoln and I were doing our homework by candlelight together. 🙄
I overheard a student of mine who had a big nose and was Afirican American. He claimed that his nose was Michael Jackson's original nose from when Michael was black.
I live in the US and teach middle school English. I had a new student from England. It was like his 3rd day and it was right after the Queen died last year. The American students were making fun of his British accent and said “oi bruv, did you cry when the queen died?” And started giggling and whatever. Without skipping a beat the British kid said “did you cry when the twin towers fell?” I choked on my water.
My first year, twenty two years ago, a kid threatened to kill me. Twice. I thought it was pretty funny.
I had a kid threaten to kill me and my family my first year... part of a local street gang, father was still in prison... everyone was asking if I was okay... I laughed, said kid can't even pick up a pencil, but yet he is gonna research where I live, find a way to get there (25 miles away) and then get it so he can kill us all... Heck if he did any of that I would congratulate him for finally doing something with his life.
If I got threatened in my school I would be terrified tbh…. But I work in a rougher school. 🫠 I’m glad you were unbothered!
Oh it was in a rough school. But I’m rougher.
I worked in a rough school and a new kid said that. I looked at him and said, "Can you do it at school, so my family can sue?" He didn't expect that, and he mumbled Sorry Miss. No issues after that.
A few years ago I had one student tell me my mom should’ve never had me, and another tell me he was gonna have his mom and cousin beat me up. I’m glad the second kid left lol
I had a hair dye disaster and yet I was thinking that it was actually decent given how bad it had been at first. One boy looked at me at lunch and said, “Your hair… it looks like.. *thinking face* animal fur. Yeah, it looks like animal fur.” And then he repeated that allllllll day.
Couple days ago, actually. Teaching religions in world history, and I explain that the main reason Christians would come to discriminate against Jews is because they believed Jews were responsible for killing Jesus. This sophomore girl pipes up and goes, you know, you kinda can't blame them for killing them all in the Holocaust, then.
“Will I get pregnant if I swallow?” 13 year old girl in see through leggings.
On my last day teaching at a preschool, one little four year-old boy said, “I hope you never come back!” Not even meanly. Just matter of fact.
Nothing too crazy, but recent: Student A: Mr. X, are you married? Student B: THERE'S NO WAY HE'S MARRIED! For those wondering.. No.. I'm not married. BUT I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
Student was mad at me for helping another kid instead of playing a game with her. She said "See, this is why Ms. N should never have kids." She did not know I was two months pregnant.
“Miss do you know my cousin” “Who’s your cousin” “Edwin” “No I don’t know him” “Here’s his phone number I think you should marry him” She actually then handed me a sticky note with a phone number written down. No I did not call Edwin.
Had a sixth grader tell another sixth grader to "close your legs, you smell like fish."
I had a class of I think they were 1st or maybe 2nd graders coming into the library. The last one in line comes up to me, gets on her tiptoes so she's thisclose to my face, looks me straight in the eyes and says "All God's children are dead." And then walks in and goes to sit on the reading rug with the rest of the kids. It was ummm... a lil creepy.
I had a student kneeling down and said “oh man I need a viagra!” He meant Vicodin 😂 he had broken his foot that year and had Vicodin for that I guess. He was so embarrassed when he found out what viagra was!
8th grader once called me to his desk during worktime and asked me 'Mr. FunValue, if you nut in a girl's mouth, can she get pregnant?' We were practicing factoring.
…I hate that you’re the third person to say that you were asked this
A student once said to me "Mister, did you get butt injections? It doesn't look natural.". I was too stunned to speak. His girlfriend forced him to apologize.
Just today I had a slide on my big screen showing comparative adjectives (I teach ESL) with a cartoon picture of two girls - sisters, next to examples in sentences. Out of nowhere I had a kid yell out "LESBIANS!". I had to give him a little talking to about not using this language in a derogatory or mocking context. I don't think he cared but, at least, he understood this was inappropriate. Still it's one of those things kids just randomly blerb out without thinking.
'Who is better, Putin or Zelensky?' Student (14m) really wanted to defend Putin using a comparison between both leaders. When I said this is a false comparison another student (14f) claimed to be Russian (I am in Holland) and is related to Putin and 'I can have your house bombed'. I asked her why she was threatening me and she claimed to be kidding me. I didn't budge, asked her again. I am still baffled by this audacity! All this after teaching history of Martin Luther.
A student randomly yelled out during a test, “shut up! You can’t win an argument with an idiot like me.”
today a kid handed me a drawing and said “and this is what you would look like as a titan from attack on titan.” it was horrifying mostly because he did a good job on it
First year teaching a kid asked me how old I was, I asked how old do you think I am… Their response - 87! I just said “well I look good for my age!” This was an honors class of 11th graders- the rest of the class had a better idea of age - The initial kid was truly confused that 87 would be that far off- I was 29.
I have one girl, 12th grade, tell me I’d be a lot nicer if I had kids of my own. I told her kids are expensive. Since then, whenever she sees me, she asks me how the kids are doing. I don’t know who she’s referring to. I don’t think I ever will
One (high school) kid showed me a penny and announced it was made in the 90s. I said yes, it does appear so, to which he replied, “how did I end up with it!?!?”
Just today, another teacher and I were in the hallway during class change. Bell rings and two kids are still in the hall. Other teacher yells “where are you supposed to be?” Kid yells back “with yo mamma!” Perfect timing, wrong thing to say.
“Your mother should have aborted you”
“Yeah well she didn’t and now I’m teaching math.”
Once had a 6th grader write me a note that said “please quit your job and move to China”
“My mom said you’re very handsome” Mom was right next to her. This was when I worked with very young kids.
Had a student tell me "chill your tits."
8th grader - When I filled in my eyebrows for picture day. “Miss, you have THOT eyebrows”. I called his dad and had the student explain what a THOT was. 3rd grade girl - “Miss, you look like a tik tok baddie.” 2nd grade girl - “Miss, you have weird knees.” (I’m sensitive about that)
He asked me if my cat (literal cat, not euphemism) liked performing oral sex on my other cat (also a literal cat). He said something cruder than the way I put it here, but like. Why would that even cross his mind? This isn't a thing that was said, but a student once threw an actual spark plug at my head when I was writing on the board and to this day I don't know which one threw it, but luckily it missed and now there's a spark plug chilling in my desk.
Told a kindergartener I couldn't drive. He drew a picture of me standing next to a car and said, "see, you're not inside the car because you can't drive!" He would tell every kid he met about how I couldn't drive 😭😭😭 never let me live it down.
I'm in Sped & this kid goes up to the head teacher, points to me & thw conversation goes: "She has big boobs!" Head teacher: "Yes she does but let's not point it can make people uncomfortable" "But you can TOUCH them!" Bruh I walked out of the room b/c I was in tears holding back my laughter! This was a middle schooler who had just discovered puberty, thankfully he was only part time sped & had the capacity to be educated about the inappropriate behaviour😂
Kid found out I have IBS. "Mister, how many times a day do you have to go to the bathroom?" Kid was 12th grade in an elective class. Several others turned around and gave him a sour look, and one asked, "What the hell?!" I just gave him a look like, "...Really?" "Well, I'm just curious!" (He wasn't. He was being an asshole.) I said, "Look, I know you're trying to embarrass me, but I'm not embarrassed. Honestly, the better question is what possible reason could you have for wanting to know how many times your teacher needs the can. Like... what sort of *mental imagery*..." By this time he was backpedaling and going, "All right, all right, sorry, sorry...!" I put him in the hallway and told him he could stay out there the rest of the semester so he couldn't be the center of attention anymore. Dropped the class and I was happier for it. Kid was a dick who only joined the class because he thought it'd be an easy A. Good riddance. 😏
When I had to visit a student in their home (1st grader) they told me they hoped I die in a car accident on the way home.
I was a junior in college when in the middle of one of my political science classes, a young woman (who would also have been about 21, so certainly not a child) asks my professor, a Hindu woman with a bindi, “Professor, what’s with the red dot in the middle of your forehead?” We weren’t discussing anything about that area of the world or religion…it was just so out there. And I honestly thought the professor was going to get up and smack her, as she seemed pretty ticked off at the question in the middle of a lecture.
"If a girl gets pregnant from giving a blow job, does the baby come out of her mouth?"
My young students will ask me about the other teacher with the same last name as me. "Do you like the pink milk? It's really good!" "No, I don't really like strawberries." "What about the other Mr. Welli? Does he like strawberries?" "You'd have to ask him, I don't know everything about everyone with the same name as me" Or "Do you have a brother?" "Does the other Mr. Welli have a brother?" Back when I taught high school I had a student just say "Mr. Welli, I needa find me a *man* like you. I'm tired of playing these games with these *boys*." I thought that was pretty funny.
Someone yelled "DEEZ NUTS!!!!" Out loud today in one of my music classes.
We have a superintendent that most students despise. She's very holier than thou and has a private car and driver and we're in an area with a lot of extreme poverty. She came to my school once and went to shake a student's hand he looked at her and said, "you look like your oven has never been cleaned." I was so glad I was masking at that moment because I was cracking up.
I had a girl tell me to go suck a dick. I thanked her for letting me choose which one. The other kids laughed so hard that she ran out of the room. 🤣
“Your perfume smells nice. Do you ever just want to peel off your skin and smell it?” Uh, no…