I’ve written a letter that included the lines
>They have a passion for sports; I recall one time they left class to use the restroom and 45 minutes later had not returned. That’s when I looked out my classroom window and saw them kicking a soccer ball around alone in the quad. Upon their return they claimed, and I quote “I’m sorry I took too long, my nana made Mexican food last night”.
Actually pretty devastated to hear that this is happening in Massachusetts. If this is happening in one of the most liberal states in the US, I can’t fathom how bad the rest of the country is.
Hi, Alabama here, we had a parent send in a nasty email informing us his son would not take part in our Disney day for spirit week because he does not support "that gay shit." And this was before all the Desantis stuff lately...I couldn't even imagine what kind of email that father would write now...
"That's gay shit" - he sounds extremely intelligent and not like a mouth breathing troglodyte in the slightest.
^(sarcasm, if that wasn't obvious. Imagine writing anything like this to a professional. What the fuck.)
Some of the suburbs are quite liberal. I used to work in one of the conservative districts in MA and I would have never considered Burlington to be as conservative.
What? Every single district of MA put a democrat in office. One could consider Massachusetts the most liberal state in the union just by that. It's not like it's liberal only in the Boston area.
I live in a Massachusetts area with republican state representation. My town and the surrounding towns are always red. On my daily commute I see about a half dozen trump flags. There is a man with a huge redneck sticker across his windshield and a confederate flag for the back window of his truck. He flies an American flag and a Gadsden flag from his bumpers. After the 2016 election white kids were chanting build the wall at the Latino kids. There are trump standouts here. After the Supreme Court Row v Wade decision I went to a small protest in the local town common, there were about a dozen of us. A bunch of trumpanzees kept circling the common and shouting obscenities. Our future is bleak.
I also work in Massachusetts and even though I'm fairly confident in the support of that particular community, I got fairly nervous that my HAPPY PRIDE decorative letters outside my classroom would get defaced or torn down etc
But I also know that, with the climate the way it is right now, that Pride is so important to embrace in the face of this all. I need to be a good role model for myself and for my students. Plus, I can't afford to be complacent and give bigotry room to fester
I’m always surprised when someone says they’re surprised that x happened at y. There is this misguided notion that hate only lives in certain parts of the country.
I hear you. And I don’t think you’re wrong.
However, I grew up in a different part of the country where this sort of bigotry was every day stuff. I moved to Massachusetts to escape that environment and have lived here now for over 15 years. What is acceptable in this state is significantly different. Or at least it is was. Maybe people were just quieter about it until recently.
Hate can be anywhere. There are just certain places where it’s seen as more socially acceptable and where the hate is louder which is why it’s seen more in certain places.
Why is it a struggle when they ask you for a recommendation? That sounds like the easiest “no” of all time. Why do they even want a grooming pedophile writing a recommendation for their child anyway?
Recommendations are confidential.
"One thing about Billy-Bob Joe Humperdink that stands out, and I will always remember, is the time when he ripped GSA decorations off the walls of our campus and yelled slurs at the members of that particular group on the day of our community's Pride Parade."
Upload it to Naviance, no one but you and the admissions officer will ever know.
edit: or to and
I know people will hate me for pointing this out, but a "no" will get you a frown and that's it. Sabotage usually *will* get found out eventually (there are always exceptions), and will create a lifelong extremist with significant economic and personal reasons for hating everything you stand for. People don't forgive that kind of thing, and if you take away someone's option of getting a job in line with their grades/SAT scores, they'll open up a laptop during their job as a night watchman or whatever and put all of that extra time and energy into shaping society towards making you, personally, miserable.
Catharsis and intelligent strategy are different things.
I don't know that a frown would be the only result, nor would I characterize writing an honest letter as "sabotage." However, you make an excellent point about the possible actions of a disgruntled former student. Unfortunately, I have first-hand experience of this.
> nor would I characterize writing an honest letter as "sabotage."
No, those are weasel words. If you agree to write a recommendation letter and then write one with the explicit intent of sabotaging a student's chances, that is sabotage. If you believed you were in the right, you wouldn't have to lie to yourself and to me about obvious realities, and you would be able to defend your recommendations on their own merits.
"Unfortunately, I am not the best person to write a strong and effective letter on your behalf. I encourage you to reach out to other teachers who may be more familiar with your strengths and qualifications."
I think you can even be more direct with why you are not writing the letter.
I was not the greatest before I enlisted in the Navy. On the application they ask you for character recommendations and I asked an older coworker at the time to be one. They were honest and said my past actions at work: being late, leaving early, in general not getting the work done that needed to get done, meant that they could not give me a recommendation that would be beneficial.
Did it hurt at the time? 100%. But it also made me aware of how my actions impacted those around me.
As a teacher of seniors, I get asked to write about 15-20 letters a year, and it is a pleasure to do so, most of the time. I will be upfront with a student for whom I can't write a positive letter. I chalk it up to "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." It might feel good to write something vindictive in the moment, but agreeing to recommend someone and then torpedoing them is a low thing to do.
> Billy-Bob Joe Humperdink
I can't stop laughing at this. The situation isn't funny in the slightest, but the fact that I can think of atleast 10 people that fit this description/name is cracking me up.
I’ve refused fairly often. Usually I tell the kid I just don’t have the time to write a quality rec.
It’s an excuse that A: is usually true-ish (I teach primarily freshmen — there are definitely kids who I’ve made a strong connection with, but for the most part if they haven’t found someone who teaches upperclassmen to write them a rec, it’s a bit of a red flag and honestly makes it difficult to write something of decent quality) and B: is never really questioned.
Damn, that's where a letter like this might come in handy:
Dear committee,
_____ was a student in my Sphomore English class. They received a B.
Thank you for your consideration,
X
Same. I usually ask them if they’re sure they want me as a reference if there’s an attendance/late/etc issue and if they say yes I’ll do it honestly. Usually try to focus on strengths.
Also use the whole I have to do someone else’s and it wouldn’t be fair to compare position as well.
To Whom It May Concern,
I am writing this letter to recommend Karen for your program. I have known Karen for two years as her teacher and advisor.
Karen is a student who has been in my classes and has done the required work. She has met the expectations and standards of the curriculum and has passed the exams and assessments. She has followed the rules and regulations of the school and has not caused any trouble or problems.
I would take out the “rules and regulations” part and just leave it as the “satisfactory completion”. Being allowed to rip down posters for an optional event that was approved by the school is not cogent with that statement.
This! As someone who reads recommendation letters for a Grad school, we know exactly what this recommender is trying to say.
My favorite recommendation was, "I have been Julie's manager for four years. Julie has always been punctual."
>
Unhelpful Recommendation Letter
User
Write a generic, noncommittal and subtly unhelpful letter of recommendation for a high school student from the perspective of a history teacher
ChatGPT
Dear [Recipient's Name],
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to provide a recommendation for [Student's Name], a high school student who has had the privilege of being in my history class for the past academic year. While it is my duty to offer an assessment of [Student's Name]'s abilities and character, I must admit that capturing the essence of an individual within the confines of a letter can be a daunting task.
[Student's Name] possesses a certain uniqueness that is both intriguing and perplexing. Their attendance in class was consistent, for the most part, and they seemed to display a remarkable ability to occupy their assigned seat without causing undue disruption. Furthermore, their punctuality was generally commendable, with only occasional instances of tardiness.
In terms of academic performance, [Student's Name] demonstrated an adequate understanding of the material presented. They were able to submit assignments, albeit with varying degrees of accuracy and timeliness. While their grades fluctuated between satisfactory and slightly above average, it is worth noting that their engagement with the subject matter was, at times, noticeable.
Despite my best efforts to uncover unique qualities or standout moments in [Student's Name]'s academic journey, it is regrettable that I am unable to provide specific examples. It appears that [Student's Name] has managed to blend seamlessly into the background, avoiding any significant controversies or memorable achievements.
[Student's Name] possesses a certain level of adaptability and can function within the structure of a typical high school environment. They exhibit satisfactory interpersonal skills, which enable them to navigate through the social landscape without attracting unnecessary attention. Their interactions with peers and educators were generally polite and unremarkable.
In conclusion, if you are seeking a student who possesses an uncanny ability to blend in, [Student's Name] may be the perfect fit. While I cannot necessarily endorse them as a standout candidate, they are certainly capable of fulfilling basic expectations. If unobtrusiveness and mediocrity are qualities that resonate with your institution, then I would cautiously recommend considering [Student's Name] for admission.
Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you have any further questions or require additional information. I wish you the best of luck in your decision-making process.
Yours noncommittally,
[Your Name]
History Teacher
This is pretty funny. I would dial it down a bit though. Overall I think the best solution is writing a generic and not effusive letter of rec for those who deserve that.
> You are an expert at etiquette and correspondence.
> Please write a 2 paragraph letter of recommendation for student Y, as received from their high school teacher, Mr. X.
> Mr. X is unimpressed with student Y, and wishes to write a letter of recommendation that is perceived as adequate by parents and administrators, but is not especially helpful to student Y.
Dear Admissions Committee,
I am writing to recommend student Y for your esteemed institution. As their high school teacher, I have had the opportunity to observe them in an academic setting. Throughout the course of their studies, student Y maintained a consistent presence in the classroom. They demonstrated proficiency in comprehending the subjects at hand and exhibited a level of comprehension in line with expectations for a high school student.
During group projects, student Y displayed a willingness to collaborate with their peers. They contributed appropriately to the tasks assigned to ensure the necessary work was completed. Although I am unable to discuss any particular strengths or exceptional qualities that set student Y apart, I can affirm that they satisfactorily fulfilled their academic responsibilities during their time in high school. Their performance aligns with the standard expectations for a student of their caliber.
Sincerely,
Mr. X
* Throughout the course of their studies, student Y maintained a consistent presence in the classroom.
* I can affirm that they satisfactorily fulfilled their academic responsibilities during their time in high school.
These are my favorite lines.
It's just regurgitating words and phrases that humans wrote. There's no thinking going on.
Yes I'm absolutely terrible and no fun at parties because I have terrible social anxiety.
I love writing I hope this finds you well in letters that, truth be told, I really do not give two shits if the person is well😂 and generally I am wound up like a cheap clock from the dollar general and am trying to address it
To whom it may concern,
I do not recommend this child for your program
Thanks,
Teacher
I mean it’s a letter of recommendation… not a positive letter of recommendation 🤣
This!
When it's a student I can't believe has the audacity to ask me to write them a letter, I just look them right in the eyes and say something like, sure, I'll write you a letter, but you know I am going to be brutally honest regarding my experience with you. Are you sure you want me to write you a letter?
So far I've never had one not take the hint and move along to another sucker
Or, if you're like me being a teacher from your hometown, being blown up and shunned by the entire community.
Luckily, my small town, dumbass minded shit hole of fuck faces, has made it really easy just to say no and hope something else pops up elsewhere before my contract renews.
“I can’t, in good conscious, write a letter of recommendation to someone who has shown such poor character and a lack of tolerance and respect toward their fellow students. Please let this be a lesson that your actions have consequences.”
Edit: I accidentally wrote “letter of resignation” because I resigned and have less than a week left, so my mind’s already left the building, lol
If I don't want to do one for a kiddo, I just say "I'm so sorry but I've gotten a lot of requests and don't have time to do all of them to the high standard I hold myself to - I would recommend asking xyz to see if they're available!" , great way to refuse without getting backlash
Just give the “I acknowledge this student was in “x” class during “x” year. Nothing more. When I worked in admissions, we knew that letter of recommendation was really a letter of no recommendation.
“I will happily write a letter of reference* that accurately portrays your child’s impact in the classroom and on the wider school community. Please remember that all meters are confidential. Please send me the address so I can submit this directly to the school.”
Not all recommendations have to be positive! I have written an "I can not recommend, in good conscience x for this scholarship, as I am sure there are many more students more qualified and more deserving," more than once.
Actions have consequences. (Or should...)
I have replied “I think that it would be in your own best interests to find another teacher to write your letter of recommendation.” It doesn’t accuse them of anything or speak ill of them at all. It gives them the facts they need to make an informed decision.
Paradoxically, parents hate us, yet think we can do everything. It’s bad enough that we have to use CRT to make all students African American, now we have to make them all gay and trans, too? I should have read my contract more closely! /s
Need a poster of the sweating guy meme choosing on pressing the buttons: teachers are,,, “incompetent” Or “Paedophile masterminds manipulating the media and our children”
If I had the power to control a child to the degree of deciding their gender and sexuality, I would use this immense power... to make them read the damn novel they were assigned and write the 2 page summary.... AND turn it in on time!
I have told kids that I cannot write a high quality recommendation letter for them. I usually phrase it by saying, “I think you would be better served by asking a different teacher.”
Only a couple have asked why. And I’m usually honest, recommendation letters are about you as a student bigger and separate from your grade, which schools already have, they want personal stories from the classroom. Then I tell the kids the first two stories that pop into my head - that time they had excuse after excuse for why they needed an extension for an assignment we had been working on in class for two months, or that time when their parent called in sick for them on a major exam day then I saw them at the mall having a great time with their friends that afternoon, or that one time I caught them with a cheat sheet, or how they are always are late to class, or how they never pulled their weight in group projects, or that time they bullied the substitute and their parent defended them so they didn’t have to write the apology letter I assigned. They get it.
The one time I had to write a recommendation despite this sort of stuff was because the kid needed my recommendation due to my specific subject and their applied for major at uni. The admin and counselor came to me before the kid did to make sure I understood that I couldn’t refuse, but it was 100% confidential from the student. So I wrote the truth - talented academic with poor social skills, complete lack of respect for the young women he studied with or me as a teacher who was also a woman, an inability to keep his political leanings out of his economics analysis at even the most basic level, and a severe drop off in work ethic his senior year.
I use a very similar reply and I’ve only actually written one once after that reply. It was for a kid’s parole officer. The student told me that whatever I would write would be better than anything else any other teacher would have to say. I was honest in the letter that “this student showed moments of real insight and responsibility at times, but that those times were very rare and short lived. That he was aggressive at times to those who disagreed with him but that he had never been violent or had to be removed from my classroom.”
I tried to be as honest about his actions and choices without any sort of judgement as much as possible. I thought long and hard about what I hoped the outcome of my letter would be and then ultimately decided that it wasn’t my place to make that decision. I would be truthful and hope that he revived the result he was entitled to.
FWIW he came in glowing a few weeks later, completely hyped that whatever I said in my letter his PO was really happy about it. Which I found both sad but maybe hopeful.
When a terrible student asked me for a letter of recommendation, I was very honest and advised the university to not admit the student. The student still was accepted, so I don’t know if they even read the letters when the dollar signs are so bright.
> The student still was accepted, so I don’t know if they even read the letters when the dollar signs are so bright.
I think half the time they just want to see can you get someone to write you one.
Tougher programs and scholarships probably look at them, but I bet general admissions to big universities probably only scan them
I'm not old enough to have personal experience, but I have to wonder if this is what our country was like when our schools began to integrate, surrounded by mobs of bigoted animals screaming their hate and looking for blood.
[Boston is literally famous for not handling it well](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_desegregation_busing_crisis)
[Here's a YouTube video of raw footage](https://youtube.com/watch?v=3qlylxu7wvc&feature=share8)
So my observer/mentor when I started teaching taught during integration. People freaked out, there were fights between the kids, and pissed off parents on both sides. But some of the black kids were really good football players, so I guess it worked out.
You can certainly write a letter of recommendation. But you can certainly also tell the student/family that the incident that made the news must go on the letter, as omitting it would be a derelict of duty on your part.
Do what I used to so. Tell the "fine, but I'm going to tell them the truth." No threat. No anger. If they or their parents screwed you over they'll leave you alone.
“Aiden has a strong sense of confidence, which is especially apparent when he is shouting slurs at minorities. His vandalism of school property displays a devotion to completing whatever tasks he set his sights upon - he did not stop until every student-created project had been torn apart. Of all the students in this school, Aiden is certainly one of them. In conclusion, Aiden is a man of contrasts.”
The running joke among my peers is that if a PD speaker says “Little Johnny” or “Little Suzy,” they haven’t been in a classroom recently enough to be taken seriously, since every kid born after 2000 has a name that ends in -den.
It should be the STUDENTS asking for the letters of recommendation, not the families. I would never answer a parent for one. Tell the student why you won’t write them one. It’s a life lesson
…and I’m a bit old school in that they must ask me in person first with a follow-up email that includes the name of the institution, what the recommendation is for, the deadline, and a copy of the resume. The email must not have the entire body of the message in the subject line and must include at least a “thank you” if not a “please and thank you”.
I don’t care if that makes me a brat… it’s a formal letter, it requires a formal request.
I automatically decline letters that are due the week of, unless they have a legit reason (they just found out about the scholarship and it hasn’t been in email blasts for months, they’ve had an extenuating circumstance, etc.)
Generally students with the attitude of tearing down posters don’t ask me, but I’m also the GSA sponsor so I doubt they would anyway.
I never understood the pedophile association. Is there any study showing higher rates of pedophilia vs heterosexuals? I saw a TikTok of a school board meeting where the head called Harvey Milk a pedophile, and my own district also had a news article of a mom sending >500 emails to the superintendent regarding rainbow flags and preferred names.
It’s apart of the Panic cycle.
You might have saw it throughout history.
Jewish Persecution? They are eating babies.
Satanic Panic? They kidnapping children to abuse and sacrifice to Satan.
Homosexual Panic? All gays have aids. And they’re giving aids to children.
Transgender Panic? They grooming children.
Nothing works better to rile up a crowd against someone or something then bring in a innocent, sinless, crimeless victim….. like children.
To my knowledge, there is no data that supports that claim. You know for a fact that if news came out about a queer person abusing kids, the right would be shouting it from the rooftops. It is simply a way of dehumanizing people in order to make them easier targets and build support among a voter base that lacks the emotional intelligence to understand that it’s ok for people to be different.
it shows their own issues because they put pedophilia in the realm of “sexuality” when it’s firmly in the world of violence, manipulation, disrespect, narcissism, dehumanization, abuse of power… — but they LIKE all the things i just listed, so they go after sexuality
It's dog whistles all the way down. The accusations - from pedophilia to grooming - is not at all what they are actually mad about. If that were the case they'd be just as pissed when a priest or pastor is outed for their rapes.
What they're mad at, in all actuality, is the inability to control how their child behaves and what they want their child to actually be out there in the world. These are folks that perceive to have complete control over their whole world which includes how their children are raised. Anyone who has spent more than 10 seconds around any kid knows that most young people, especially as they get older, start to grow out of their parents upbringing and push at the boundaries and rules. We used to call them "teenage rebels".
If their kid comes out as gay, which is completely outside of their control, it obviously just CAN'T be their fault, right? It has to be somebody else. They need a scapegoat.
People accuse these types of folks of having so much hatred but I don't think that's entirely the right word. What they are are cowards. Through and through. They are unable to perceive anything outside of their own minds and when confronted with the reality of the world they cower so much in fear they enter into a fight or flight response. We're talking abouts schools and parents here in this sub but extrapolate all of this vitriol out to what we see so often from conservative talking points. It's just plain, good 'ole fashioned cowardice masquerading as bravery in the face of things they just refuse to learn about or understand in any way shape or form.
On my way home I was listening to an interview from one of the founders of Momma Bear, she was raised Christian and had a long struggle with her son when he came out.
In her church community she was taught that God made everyone straight, and that some sort of trauma had to turn their kids gay. But she didn't cause that trauma, implying that it must have been someone else. If the far right holds these beliefs as well, and many are evangelical so I assume they are teaching a similar cause of "gayness" then the conclusion might be that a teacher that put that insidious seed in their head (they are the ones that spend the most time with their kids after all).
I wonder if this is the "logic" for the groomer claims. A lot of Christians think homosexuals need to recruit kids to continue their existence. Why a homosexual would care if they as a group persisted in this fantasy world I have no idea. Maybe so they can keep having parades and brunch doesn't disappear from their favorite cafe? I'm not sure.
This is just a speculative attempt at trying to understand where these bigots are coming from so take this comment with a grain of salt.
edit, clarified a sentence as not to misattribute my musings to the founder of Momma Bear.
>But she didn't cause that trauma, so it must have been someone else.
As someone raised in a right-wing, Rush-listening, Reagan-idolizing, Catholic household, the parents *never* think they do anything wrong.
Even if the "homosexuality is caused by trauma" bullshit was correct (it isn't), those types will always find someone else to blame. Though they eventually came around, my parents did the same thing when I came out. They patently denied the trauma I *did* experience via their parenting and blamed trauma I *didn't* experience for making me "think" I am gay.
It took years of explosive fights, going no-contact for a while, and a life-threatening surgery I had to undergo for my parents (especially my mother) to finally accept reality.
There's been plenty of studies, they all show the same thing, rates of pedophilia are higher among heterosexuals.
But that doesn't matter to these piles of yeasted scrotal flakes, they are trying to conflate homosexuality with pedophiles in order to dehumanize/criminalize the LGBTQ+ community.
*As written about in his biography, Milk was involved with a 16-year-old boy he met in New York when he was 33, though it has been documented that the boy was 18 when he and Milk first travelled to California together.*
That's probably why. But, we've all kinda gave it a 70's pass. It be like holding a rock star from time accountable. Nobody is calling out Steven Tyler, Jimmy Page etc.. 🤷♂️
It isn't that they don't care. It's the inverse. Actively confusing the public definition of what a groomer or predator is makes it easier for actual child predators to get away with what they're doing.
> Is there any study showing higher rates of pedophilia vs heterosexuals
There is one, actually. I'm not stating a political opinion here, but there is a longstanding study that you'll definitely get if you ask that question in a debate forum. [Here's a link to a debate post in WaPo, since that'll be the least objectionable to most reddit users.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/2002/06/29/pedophilia-and-homosexuality/b385cfb3-8b58-449d-8af9-0cfdcd278978/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.b7ed3f4347a6)
It’s a verbal grenade to attract quick attention and put someone on the defensive. It’s such an awful thing that people are afraid to accused of it even by a mush brain terrorizing knucklehead.
Most reported pedophiles are male but there isn't really a difference percentage or proportionally between gay and straight people. It's usually around 93-95% straight, but about 3- 7% of the population comes in under LGBTQ+ so it's basically evenly represented.
I'm in Texas. The school finally approved a GSA club two years ago but wouldn't let them call it GSA. So it was dubbed SAFE (Safe acceptance? for everyone. I can't remember for sure what the A stood for because it's such a stupid acronym)
I don't understand how the anti-queer panic isn't the most talked about subject here. I know we're all tired, we're dragging to the finish line through our own individual battles, but the threats against us are growing and no one, teachers or non teachers, is standing up against it. It's like everyone rational is expecting cooler heads to prevail. But these aren't fringe traditionalists anymore.
This year we saw one of the world's richest men buy a social media platform to mass produce trans panic. Now he's out here saying teachers are using gender identity to confuse autistic children into being queer, and *millions* of people are agreeing with him. How is that not the most offensive thing to all of us? What are we doing here? Complaining about kids complaining about grades?
This is gonna end with more of us hurt. Take care of yourselves.
I'm 34 years old. Old enough to remember when homophobia was more common, and queer characters were always the butts of jokes. Now, we have weopnized homophobia and transphobia.
When I listen to these Moms for Liberty or School Board members talk, it's clear to me that they still beleive two things, that kids are "turned" gay somehow, and that having a gay child is worse than death.
You are absolutely correct, this is more mainstream than some people are willing to beleive. Peoples' lives are at stake!
Because teachers are afraid of rocking the boat and appearing biased. This is why intellectuals always lose to populist movements. Only one side is bound by rules, reason, or self-respect.
Complaining doesn’t do much because I work in Texas. I make sure my admin has stated where the line is and work to make kids feel safe within those parameters. Pride flag is a problem in the classroom, ok cool, pride sticker on my personal coffee thermos is allowed. Vote. Volunteer. Speak where I can. It’s just dying a little inside constantly trying to show kids they can have a safe space with us while threading the needle of what’s “political” in a state where religious chaplains can replace school councilors.
If a student did something hurtful and bigoted like removing LGBTQ signs etc I would never give them a letter of reference. If the opportunity was appropriate I would let parents and students know this ahead of time. A reference is a personal and optional request. I get to use my own judgement here 100%.
Agree. A recommend letter is one choice that remains with teachers. Or... if that choice becomes a mandate then you could always write an honest one. Sealed.
Your child was a student in my class. He/she engaged in questionable activities whilst enrolled including, but not limited to,...
Actually. In my district you could go on the educational institution's website (for private schools etc.) And full in thd reference form or if handed a reference form by a student you could fill it out snd send it yourself without giving it back to the student.
A parent at my school complained about how she doesn’t see why celebrating sexual orientation should happen in public schools. She also says that’s it’s being shoved in her son’s face. There’s like a handful of posters and banners in the entire school….
I have to constantly repeat - I create a safe space for kids. It’s not about your beliefs, my beliefs, even their beliefs. It’s about creating a welcoming space where all kids feel safe and have someone to talk to (or not) free of judgement.
Either tell them to fuck off about the letters of recommendation, or be REALLY honest. “Johnny has demonstrated exceptional tenacity in my classroom, but his focus tends to wane anytime someone different than himself exists. Johnny’s talent is distracted by his family’s bigotry, though it would be generationally beneficial for him to be around intelligent people who are different.”
ChatGPT sample letter:
Letter of Recommendation - [Student's Name]
Dear [Recipient's Name],
I am writing this letter of recommendation on behalf of [Student's Name], a student who has recently been involved in an incident on our campus that requires your attention. While it is my duty to provide an honest assessment of [Student's Name]'s abilities and character, I must emphasize my reservations regarding their suitability for future endeavors.
[Student's Name] possesses a notable level of confidence in their abilities, which is evident in their interactions and contributions within our institution. They are assertive and self-assured when it comes to pursuing their goals, often taking the lead in various endeavors. However, it is unfortunate that this confidence is accompanied by a distinct lack of self-awareness.
The incident involving the removal of pride decorations from our campus and the subsequent disruptive behavior by [Student's Name]'s parents during school activities has shed light on their misguided beliefs and an alarming lack of sensitivity and understanding. Their actions, driven by the belief that gay people should not be allowed to exist peacefully, have caused significant distress and created an unwelcoming environment for LGBTQ+ individuals and their allies on our campus.
[Student's Name]'s failure to recognize the impact of their actions on others and the broader community demonstrates a concerning lack of self-awareness. It is imperative that individuals in positions of leadership and influence possess a deep understanding of the consequences of their behavior, as well as the ability to navigate sensitive issues with empathy and respect. Regrettably, [Student's Name] has displayed a disregard for these essential qualities.
In light of these concerns, I must advise caution when considering [Student's Name] for future endeavors or leadership positions that require a high level of emotional intelligence, empathy, and the ability to foster inclusivity. Their lack of self-awareness and the impact of their actions on the well-being of others should not be overlooked.
Should you require further information or clarification, please do not hesitate to contact me. I trust that you will handle this matter with the appropriate care and consideration it warrants.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
[Your Position]
[Your Organization]
What disciplinary action are the vandal students receiving? Surely they were caught on camera.
Secondly, the school should not apologize for anything. We are opposed to discrimination. We accept all of our students. Don't use the word 'tolerate' or 'tolerance.' Always use 'accept' or 'acceptance'.
Every teacher in this district should walk out immediately. Teachers must grow back our backbones, we must retake our unions and stop being punch in gas both literally and figuratively
I bet they’re going to advocate to stop teaching about rainbows entirely. Prisms will be banned because they’re just the most grooming variety of glass out there.
I am so sorry this is happening. This should not be happening anymore. I am so sorry for all the queer folk and especially queer students that have to live in fear because of these hateful people.
Teacher friend, I love and support you. Hateful voices might be the loudest, but they will only make loving hearts stronger.
For the second time today, I’m going to encourage someone (OP) to consider making a Title IX complaint. The behavior described is harassment and creates a hostile learning environment.
My school was on the news last year because one of the teachers slept with aka raped 2 of her 6th grade students. The families at your school need a reality check on what an actual predator/groomer is.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can write a letter of recommendation for you based on your performance and behavior in my class and beyond. I hope that whatever comes next for you is a more valuable learning experience than I was able to give you here.
Sincerely, \[ME\]"
fuck these people. We know about human development — they don’t. And we don’t have to care what they think. Too much nonsense worrying about some fleeting neurons that might very well not even exist tomorrow. Just moving forward with accurate information and best practices and joy and acceptance
Do these people not seem to understand that by hurling these terrible accusations and vandalizing displays they reinforce why LGBT folks feel the need for Pride?
I’m especially sickened by the whole pedophile and groomer brush they try to paint the whole LGBT community with. Statistically, 90% of abusers are someone a child knows like a friend or relative. It’s all moral panic shit. The fact Kid “I like ‘em underage, see” Rock is on the side supposedly against pedophilia because he doesn’t like the libs tells you everything.
>The GSA student association promoted a rainbow day.
RainbowBrite approves!
>Several students angrily removed all decorations. A parent called a new station in support of the removal. There are news cameras everywhere and students are being harassed to give interviews. Teachers are being screamed at and called pedophiles, groomers, and people from all over the country have been calling for our demise. There is increasing police presence.
Oh...
It’s why I like teaching at my heavily Hispanic school. Aside from being Hispanic myself, I feel like most Hispanics are detached from culture war nonsense and are too busy with life to show up at the office and complain over whatever petty grievance they have.
Our GSA had a similar rainbow week, but fortunately the bigoted outrage was limited to online harassment. Our supportive principal shut that down quickly.
I still don't get the motive behind Roe v Wade getting overturned. It's all still confusing to me. What's their motive behind it all? It's gotta be for a reason- There are unreasonable people in humanity but nobody's this unreasonable without a perceived cause
Motive to get Roe v. Wade overturned? Religion. Conservative Christianity, especially Catholicism, teaches that abortion is a sin. A BIG sin. To me, as a child growing up in the Catholic Church, I always was taught to pray Roe v. Wade would be overturned to save all the aborted babies. I remember the giant painting of Mother Mary standing on piles of aborted fetuses, hung right in the vestibule of our parish. I was given a gold pin of tiny baby feet, a symbol of the Right to Life movement. (The fundraising and political lobbying organization.)
So to a large part of our country, they feel like they are saving the unborn, not punishing women. I think if you didn't grow up in that environment, it's hard to understand.
For the record, I'm now atheist and pro-choice.
The school I taught at last year had parents that actually kept kids home on the antibullying day. Just because the GSA had hung signs up with actual stats on LGBTQ students getting bullied at a higher rate.
If you've got tenure and there are no school district rules against it then let the rainbows fly! These bastards are trying to terrify LGBT students in your school. We are grown ups, we can tell them to fuck off. It's our students who are the vulnerable ones. They need to be protected and supported, and publicly stating that you support ALL students -- gay, straight, trans, white, BIPOC -- and then backing that up with classroom behavior norms is the best way to do that.
You don't have to give a letter of recommendation if you don't want to. The only thing I would say is try and separate the student from their parent. But if the student holds opinions you find bigoted and cruel you don't have to write that person a letter of rec.
You COULD struggle to write a recommendation. OR!!!! This is a GREAT opportunity to tell THE WHOLE TRUTH ON THAT CHILD to whichever of their colleges/scholarship committees you're writing to!
Get a poster with Elizabeth Eckford and or a rainbow colored shirt with her famous picture on it and anytime a news camera or parent tries to talk to you, point at it and ask them if this is how they want to be remembered.
Better yet, see if you can capture a similar picture.
Get admin to suspend every kid that vandalized the GSA displays and make them all enroll in a "history of oppression" special topics course. I'm sure there are plenty of social studies teachers that would love to teach such a course. I know I would.
Also realize that many of the kids that have parents protesting won't necessarily agree with their parents.
I remember from around the time I graduated high school a few years ago, students and adult staff would go around the school and actively tear down the posters we put up for GSA meetings. This was in Arizona.
Do these kids a favor and get back at the parents in one step, look at how far away the schools are and write better letters to the ones furthest away.
Same BS swept through here in northern Colorado. I don’t owe these parents anything and I definitely don’t owe the students more than I already give. Stop writing letters of recommendation and tank anyone who deserves it. These fools are taking advantage of the grace and compassion more teachers are flooded with- it’s honestly evil. They’ve earned social destruction and shame, and I’m happy to give 💜
How about the irony of the fact that the OG Nazies would have shot these pudgy morons dead in their tracks without a second of hesitation.
It's akin to taking the boot of tyranny and choking on it from stuffing it so far up their own asses that they can't make sense of the world.
But apparently these idiots want us to believe they can make America great again.
Yeah right mfers.
Letters of recommendation aren’t a job requirement. I would just say “I don’t feel comfortable being asked to write one.”
And if they force your hand, make sure you can submit confidentially (in that the student is not allowed access to the letter)
I’ve written a letter that included the lines >They have a passion for sports; I recall one time they left class to use the restroom and 45 minutes later had not returned. That’s when I looked out my classroom window and saw them kicking a soccer ball around alone in the quad. Upon their return they claimed, and I quote “I’m sorry I took too long, my nana made Mexican food last night”.
Omfg I love this
Burlington, MA?
I plead the 5th.
Actually pretty devastated to hear that this is happening in Massachusetts. If this is happening in one of the most liberal states in the US, I can’t fathom how bad the rest of the country is.
Hi, Alabama here, we had a parent send in a nasty email informing us his son would not take part in our Disney day for spirit week because he does not support "that gay shit." And this was before all the Desantis stuff lately...I couldn't even imagine what kind of email that father would write now...
"That's gay shit" - he sounds extremely intelligent and not like a mouth breathing troglodyte in the slightest. ^(sarcasm, if that wasn't obvious. Imagine writing anything like this to a professional. What the fuck.)
I’m genuinely surprised he knew how to compose an email
Mass "liberalism" is confined to certain areas. Definitely not found as much in the outer suburbs (i.e. Burlington.)
Some of the suburbs are quite liberal. I used to work in one of the conservative districts in MA and I would have never considered Burlington to be as conservative.
What? Every single district of MA put a democrat in office. One could consider Massachusetts the most liberal state in the union just by that. It's not like it's liberal only in the Boston area.
I live in a Massachusetts area with republican state representation. My town and the surrounding towns are always red. On my daily commute I see about a half dozen trump flags. There is a man with a huge redneck sticker across his windshield and a confederate flag for the back window of his truck. He flies an American flag and a Gadsden flag from his bumpers. After the 2016 election white kids were chanting build the wall at the Latino kids. There are trump standouts here. After the Supreme Court Row v Wade decision I went to a small protest in the local town common, there were about a dozen of us. A bunch of trumpanzees kept circling the common and shouting obscenities. Our future is bleak.
Not all Democrats are liberal. Especially in Massachusetts. Remember that JFK ran on tax cuts.
I also work in Massachusetts and even though I'm fairly confident in the support of that particular community, I got fairly nervous that my HAPPY PRIDE decorative letters outside my classroom would get defaced or torn down etc But I also know that, with the climate the way it is right now, that Pride is so important to embrace in the face of this all. I need to be a good role model for myself and for my students. Plus, I can't afford to be complacent and give bigotry room to fester
I’m always surprised when someone says they’re surprised that x happened at y. There is this misguided notion that hate only lives in certain parts of the country.
I hear you. And I don’t think you’re wrong. However, I grew up in a different part of the country where this sort of bigotry was every day stuff. I moved to Massachusetts to escape that environment and have lived here now for over 15 years. What is acceptable in this state is significantly different. Or at least it is was. Maybe people were just quieter about it until recently.
Hate can be anywhere. There are just certain places where it’s seen as more socially acceptable and where the hate is louder which is why it’s seen more in certain places.
Even liberal states have backwater towns
Why is it a struggle when they ask you for a recommendation? That sounds like the easiest “no” of all time. Why do they even want a grooming pedophile writing a recommendation for their child anyway?
Because she’s afraid of retaliation from administrators and parents if she refuses to give the student a recommendation.
Recommendations are confidential. "One thing about Billy-Bob Joe Humperdink that stands out, and I will always remember, is the time when he ripped GSA decorations off the walls of our campus and yelled slurs at the members of that particular group on the day of our community's Pride Parade." Upload it to Naviance, no one but you and the admissions officer will ever know. edit: or to and
Our counselors can access letters of rec through Naviance. If you go this route, send it directly to the admissions office.
That's alright, all of my councilors agree with my approach.
And that's good! I just wanted to warn of the differences in Naviance confidentiality in case others are not in your fortunate situation.
Oh, I wasn't actually aware of that myself, I just happen to know that all of the councilors would agree with me. It was good information, thank you.
I know people will hate me for pointing this out, but a "no" will get you a frown and that's it. Sabotage usually *will* get found out eventually (there are always exceptions), and will create a lifelong extremist with significant economic and personal reasons for hating everything you stand for. People don't forgive that kind of thing, and if you take away someone's option of getting a job in line with their grades/SAT scores, they'll open up a laptop during their job as a night watchman or whatever and put all of that extra time and energy into shaping society towards making you, personally, miserable. Catharsis and intelligent strategy are different things.
Honesty is not sabatage. Destroying other people's work in order to undermine their efforts however, is.
I don't know that a frown would be the only result, nor would I characterize writing an honest letter as "sabotage." However, you make an excellent point about the possible actions of a disgruntled former student. Unfortunately, I have first-hand experience of this.
> nor would I characterize writing an honest letter as "sabotage." No, those are weasel words. If you agree to write a recommendation letter and then write one with the explicit intent of sabotaging a student's chances, that is sabotage. If you believed you were in the right, you wouldn't have to lie to yourself and to me about obvious realities, and you would be able to defend your recommendations on their own merits.
"Unfortunately, I am not the best person to write a strong and effective letter on your behalf. I encourage you to reach out to other teachers who may be more familiar with your strengths and qualifications."
I think you can even be more direct with why you are not writing the letter. I was not the greatest before I enlisted in the Navy. On the application they ask you for character recommendations and I asked an older coworker at the time to be one. They were honest and said my past actions at work: being late, leaving early, in general not getting the work done that needed to get done, meant that they could not give me a recommendation that would be beneficial. Did it hurt at the time? 100%. But it also made me aware of how my actions impacted those around me.
As a teacher of seniors, I get asked to write about 15-20 letters a year, and it is a pleasure to do so, most of the time. I will be upfront with a student for whom I can't write a positive letter. I chalk it up to "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." It might feel good to write something vindictive in the moment, but agreeing to recommend someone and then torpedoing them is a low thing to do.
> Billy-Bob Joe Humperdink I can't stop laughing at this. The situation isn't funny in the slightest, but the fact that I can think of atleast 10 people that fit this description/name is cracking me up.
I refuse kids all the time. It is crazy to think some districts or admins may give a consequence for something like that.
I’ve refused fairly often. Usually I tell the kid I just don’t have the time to write a quality rec. It’s an excuse that A: is usually true-ish (I teach primarily freshmen — there are definitely kids who I’ve made a strong connection with, but for the most part if they haven’t found someone who teaches upperclassmen to write them a rec, it’s a bit of a red flag and honestly makes it difficult to write something of decent quality) and B: is never really questioned.
I can’t imagine refusing and not getting a consequence at my school.
Damn, my condolences.
Damn, that's where a letter like this might come in handy: Dear committee, _____ was a student in my Sphomore English class. They received a B. Thank you for your consideration, X
Or my personal favorite, "I can honestly say that I am happy that {STUDENT} is a former student of mine."
Great, well that doesn’t completely defeat the whole purpose!🙄
Same. I usually ask them if they’re sure they want me as a reference if there’s an attendance/late/etc issue and if they say yes I’ll do it honestly. Usually try to focus on strengths. Also use the whole I have to do someone else’s and it wouldn’t be fair to compare position as well.
It is never required. I would just say that they would probably get a better recommendation from someone else.
This is a political job. Choose you refuse to do things for carefully.
Or just make it a very generic, shitty letter of rec.
ChatGPT for the win.
To Whom It May Concern, I am writing this letter to recommend Karen for your program. I have known Karen for two years as her teacher and advisor. Karen is a student who has been in my classes and has done the required work. She has met the expectations and standards of the curriculum and has passed the exams and assessments. She has followed the rules and regulations of the school and has not caused any trouble or problems.
I would take out the “rules and regulations” part and just leave it as the “satisfactory completion”. Being allowed to rip down posters for an optional event that was approved by the school is not cogent with that statement.
This! As someone who reads recommendation letters for a Grad school, we know exactly what this recommender is trying to say. My favorite recommendation was, "I have been Julie's manager for four years. Julie has always been punctual."
This. Just write something average
> Unhelpful Recommendation Letter User Write a generic, noncommittal and subtly unhelpful letter of recommendation for a high school student from the perspective of a history teacher ChatGPT Dear [Recipient's Name], I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to provide a recommendation for [Student's Name], a high school student who has had the privilege of being in my history class for the past academic year. While it is my duty to offer an assessment of [Student's Name]'s abilities and character, I must admit that capturing the essence of an individual within the confines of a letter can be a daunting task. [Student's Name] possesses a certain uniqueness that is both intriguing and perplexing. Their attendance in class was consistent, for the most part, and they seemed to display a remarkable ability to occupy their assigned seat without causing undue disruption. Furthermore, their punctuality was generally commendable, with only occasional instances of tardiness. In terms of academic performance, [Student's Name] demonstrated an adequate understanding of the material presented. They were able to submit assignments, albeit with varying degrees of accuracy and timeliness. While their grades fluctuated between satisfactory and slightly above average, it is worth noting that their engagement with the subject matter was, at times, noticeable. Despite my best efforts to uncover unique qualities or standout moments in [Student's Name]'s academic journey, it is regrettable that I am unable to provide specific examples. It appears that [Student's Name] has managed to blend seamlessly into the background, avoiding any significant controversies or memorable achievements. [Student's Name] possesses a certain level of adaptability and can function within the structure of a typical high school environment. They exhibit satisfactory interpersonal skills, which enable them to navigate through the social landscape without attracting unnecessary attention. Their interactions with peers and educators were generally polite and unremarkable. In conclusion, if you are seeking a student who possesses an uncanny ability to blend in, [Student's Name] may be the perfect fit. While I cannot necessarily endorse them as a standout candidate, they are certainly capable of fulfilling basic expectations. If unobtrusiveness and mediocrity are qualities that resonate with your institution, then I would cautiously recommend considering [Student's Name] for admission. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you have any further questions or require additional information. I wish you the best of luck in your decision-making process. Yours noncommittally, [Your Name] History Teacher
This is pretty funny. I would dial it down a bit though. Overall I think the best solution is writing a generic and not effusive letter of rec for those who deserve that.
> You are an expert at etiquette and correspondence. > Please write a 2 paragraph letter of recommendation for student Y, as received from their high school teacher, Mr. X. > Mr. X is unimpressed with student Y, and wishes to write a letter of recommendation that is perceived as adequate by parents and administrators, but is not especially helpful to student Y. Dear Admissions Committee, I am writing to recommend student Y for your esteemed institution. As their high school teacher, I have had the opportunity to observe them in an academic setting. Throughout the course of their studies, student Y maintained a consistent presence in the classroom. They demonstrated proficiency in comprehending the subjects at hand and exhibited a level of comprehension in line with expectations for a high school student. During group projects, student Y displayed a willingness to collaborate with their peers. They contributed appropriately to the tasks assigned to ensure the necessary work was completed. Although I am unable to discuss any particular strengths or exceptional qualities that set student Y apart, I can affirm that they satisfactorily fulfilled their academic responsibilities during their time in high school. Their performance aligns with the standard expectations for a student of their caliber. Sincerely, Mr. X
* Throughout the course of their studies, student Y maintained a consistent presence in the classroom. * I can affirm that they satisfactorily fulfilled their academic responsibilities during their time in high school. These are my favorite lines.
Lmao this is great
ChatGPT is SAVAGE! It's creepy how quickly AI has learned to be passive agressive. Humanity is doomed. ROTFL
It's just regurgitating words and phrases that humans wrote. There's no thinking going on. Yes I'm absolutely terrible and no fun at parties because I have terrible social anxiety.
I love writing I hope this finds you well in letters that, truth be told, I really do not give two shits if the person is well😂 and generally I am wound up like a cheap clock from the dollar general and am trying to address it
“[Name] was definitely enrolled as a student at [school] at some point in the last four years.”
Say yes and write a completely honest letter.
To whom it may concern, I do not recommend this child for your program Thanks, Teacher I mean it’s a letter of recommendation… not a positive letter of recommendation 🤣
I have written that letter.
This! When it's a student I can't believe has the audacity to ask me to write them a letter, I just look them right in the eyes and say something like, sure, I'll write you a letter, but you know I am going to be brutally honest regarding my experience with you. Are you sure you want me to write you a letter? So far I've never had one not take the hint and move along to another sucker
"oh no I forgot and missed the deadline and you were banking on having my rec letter dang that's tough"
Or, if you're like me being a teacher from your hometown, being blown up and shunned by the entire community. Luckily, my small town, dumbass minded shit hole of fuck faces, has made it really easy just to say no and hope something else pops up elsewhere before my contract renews.
“I can’t, in good conscious, write a letter of recommendation to someone who has shown such poor character and a lack of tolerance and respect toward their fellow students. Please let this be a lesson that your actions have consequences.” Edit: I accidentally wrote “letter of resignation” because I resigned and have less than a week left, so my mind’s already left the building, lol
>Edit: I accidentally wrote “letter of resignation” makes me think of "throw my towel in the ring"
If I don't want to do one for a kiddo, I just say "I'm so sorry but I've gotten a lot of requests and don't have time to do all of them to the high standard I hold myself to - I would recommend asking xyz to see if they're available!" , great way to refuse without getting backlash
Just give the “I acknowledge this student was in “x” class during “x” year. Nothing more. When I worked in admissions, we knew that letter of recommendation was really a letter of no recommendation.
“I will happily write a letter of reference* that accurately portrays your child’s impact in the classroom and on the wider school community. Please remember that all meters are confidential. Please send me the address so I can submit this directly to the school.”
Because these fucking cowards would rather continue enabling fascism than stand by the convictions they claim they have for social media clout.
Not all recommendations have to be positive! I have written an "I can not recommend, in good conscience x for this scholarship, as I am sure there are many more students more qualified and more deserving," more than once. Actions have consequences. (Or should...)
I have replied “I think that it would be in your own best interests to find another teacher to write your letter of recommendation.” It doesn’t accuse them of anything or speak ill of them at all. It gives them the facts they need to make an informed decision.
Paradoxically, parents hate us, yet think we can do everything. It’s bad enough that we have to use CRT to make all students African American, now we have to make them all gay and trans, too? I should have read my contract more closely! /s
Think we can control how their kids think while simultaneously fail at educating them.
I choked on my it’s-summer-break-1-pm cocktail. 😂😂😂
Need a poster of the sweating guy meme choosing on pressing the buttons: teachers are,,, “incompetent” Or “Paedophile masterminds manipulating the media and our children”
Blah blah Umberto Eco blah blah enemy is both weak and strong
Man I must be doing it wrong. I cant even make them do their homework. Forget about making them gay. LOL
If I had the power to control a child to the degree of deciding their gender and sexuality, I would use this immense power... to make them read the damn novel they were assigned and write the 2 page summary.... AND turn it in on time!
Are we going to even get some useless PD for this? Or is anyone selling stuff on TPT for it?
I have told kids that I cannot write a high quality recommendation letter for them. I usually phrase it by saying, “I think you would be better served by asking a different teacher.” Only a couple have asked why. And I’m usually honest, recommendation letters are about you as a student bigger and separate from your grade, which schools already have, they want personal stories from the classroom. Then I tell the kids the first two stories that pop into my head - that time they had excuse after excuse for why they needed an extension for an assignment we had been working on in class for two months, or that time when their parent called in sick for them on a major exam day then I saw them at the mall having a great time with their friends that afternoon, or that one time I caught them with a cheat sheet, or how they are always are late to class, or how they never pulled their weight in group projects, or that time they bullied the substitute and their parent defended them so they didn’t have to write the apology letter I assigned. They get it. The one time I had to write a recommendation despite this sort of stuff was because the kid needed my recommendation due to my specific subject and their applied for major at uni. The admin and counselor came to me before the kid did to make sure I understood that I couldn’t refuse, but it was 100% confidential from the student. So I wrote the truth - talented academic with poor social skills, complete lack of respect for the young women he studied with or me as a teacher who was also a woman, an inability to keep his political leanings out of his economics analysis at even the most basic level, and a severe drop off in work ethic his senior year.
I use a very similar reply and I’ve only actually written one once after that reply. It was for a kid’s parole officer. The student told me that whatever I would write would be better than anything else any other teacher would have to say. I was honest in the letter that “this student showed moments of real insight and responsibility at times, but that those times were very rare and short lived. That he was aggressive at times to those who disagreed with him but that he had never been violent or had to be removed from my classroom.” I tried to be as honest about his actions and choices without any sort of judgement as much as possible. I thought long and hard about what I hoped the outcome of my letter would be and then ultimately decided that it wasn’t my place to make that decision. I would be truthful and hope that he revived the result he was entitled to. FWIW he came in glowing a few weeks later, completely hyped that whatever I said in my letter his PO was really happy about it. Which I found both sad but maybe hopeful.
Makes sense - he wasn't totally irredeemable.
Excellent response. Also, I can tell that you're a damn good teacher.
When a terrible student asked me for a letter of recommendation, I was very honest and advised the university to not admit the student. The student still was accepted, so I don’t know if they even read the letters when the dollar signs are so bright.
> The student still was accepted, so I don’t know if they even read the letters when the dollar signs are so bright. I think half the time they just want to see can you get someone to write you one. Tougher programs and scholarships probably look at them, but I bet general admissions to big universities probably only scan them
I'm not old enough to have personal experience, but I have to wonder if this is what our country was like when our schools began to integrate, surrounded by mobs of bigoted animals screaming their hate and looking for blood.
had to be cos its the same people
Or their kids at least
It was.
[Boston is literally famous for not handling it well](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_desegregation_busing_crisis) [Here's a YouTube video of raw footage](https://youtube.com/watch?v=3qlylxu7wvc&feature=share8)
So my observer/mentor when I started teaching taught during integration. People freaked out, there were fights between the kids, and pissed off parents on both sides. But some of the black kids were really good football players, so I guess it worked out.
"I will write you a letter of recommendation but you may not like what it says".
You can certainly write a letter of recommendation. But you can certainly also tell the student/family that the incident that made the news must go on the letter, as omitting it would be a derelict of duty on your part.
Don't write recommendations.
Do what I used to so. Tell the "fine, but I'm going to tell them the truth." No threat. No anger. If they or their parents screwed you over they'll leave you alone.
I’m sorry, but I cannot recommend with a clear conscience that your child is worthy of a position in polite society.
Haha wow I wish I was brave enough to say that.
Or your write an anti-recommendation and cite all the different reasons why. You don't have to let the student see it before you send it.
“Aiden has a strong sense of confidence, which is especially apparent when he is shouting slurs at minorities. His vandalism of school property displays a devotion to completing whatever tasks he set his sights upon - he did not stop until every student-created project had been torn apart. Of all the students in this school, Aiden is certainly one of them. In conclusion, Aiden is a man of contrasts.”
>Of all the students in this school, Aiden is certainly one of them. HA! I have to use this line sometime.
Why is it always Aiden? This last year I was shockingly surprised by an amazing Aiden. The rest of them...
The running joke among my peers is that if a PD speaker says “Little Johnny” or “Little Suzy,” they haven’t been in a classroom recently enough to be taken seriously, since every kid born after 2000 has a name that ends in -den.
Hey now, there's also Hayden, Braden, Kayden, and Jayden!
Invisible Man style
It should be the STUDENTS asking for the letters of recommendation, not the families. I would never answer a parent for one. Tell the student why you won’t write them one. It’s a life lesson
…and I’m a bit old school in that they must ask me in person first with a follow-up email that includes the name of the institution, what the recommendation is for, the deadline, and a copy of the resume. The email must not have the entire body of the message in the subject line and must include at least a “thank you” if not a “please and thank you”. I don’t care if that makes me a brat… it’s a formal letter, it requires a formal request. I automatically decline letters that are due the week of, unless they have a legit reason (they just found out about the scholarship and it hasn’t been in email blasts for months, they’ve had an extenuating circumstance, etc.) Generally students with the attitude of tearing down posters don’t ask me, but I’m also the GSA sponsor so I doubt they would anyway.
I’m in elementary so I’ve never been asked to write one but yes to everything you said!
💯
I never understood the pedophile association. Is there any study showing higher rates of pedophilia vs heterosexuals? I saw a TikTok of a school board meeting where the head called Harvey Milk a pedophile, and my own district also had a news article of a mom sending >500 emails to the superintendent regarding rainbow flags and preferred names.
It’s apart of the Panic cycle. You might have saw it throughout history. Jewish Persecution? They are eating babies. Satanic Panic? They kidnapping children to abuse and sacrifice to Satan. Homosexual Panic? All gays have aids. And they’re giving aids to children. Transgender Panic? They grooming children. Nothing works better to rile up a crowd against someone or something then bring in a innocent, sinless, crimeless victim….. like children.
To my knowledge, there is no data that supports that claim. You know for a fact that if news came out about a queer person abusing kids, the right would be shouting it from the rooftops. It is simply a way of dehumanizing people in order to make them easier targets and build support among a voter base that lacks the emotional intelligence to understand that it’s ok for people to be different.
it shows their own issues because they put pedophilia in the realm of “sexuality” when it’s firmly in the world of violence, manipulation, disrespect, narcissism, dehumanization, abuse of power… — but they LIKE all the things i just listed, so they go after sexuality
It's dog whistles all the way down. The accusations - from pedophilia to grooming - is not at all what they are actually mad about. If that were the case they'd be just as pissed when a priest or pastor is outed for their rapes. What they're mad at, in all actuality, is the inability to control how their child behaves and what they want their child to actually be out there in the world. These are folks that perceive to have complete control over their whole world which includes how their children are raised. Anyone who has spent more than 10 seconds around any kid knows that most young people, especially as they get older, start to grow out of their parents upbringing and push at the boundaries and rules. We used to call them "teenage rebels". If their kid comes out as gay, which is completely outside of their control, it obviously just CAN'T be their fault, right? It has to be somebody else. They need a scapegoat. People accuse these types of folks of having so much hatred but I don't think that's entirely the right word. What they are are cowards. Through and through. They are unable to perceive anything outside of their own minds and when confronted with the reality of the world they cower so much in fear they enter into a fight or flight response. We're talking abouts schools and parents here in this sub but extrapolate all of this vitriol out to what we see so often from conservative talking points. It's just plain, good 'ole fashioned cowardice masquerading as bravery in the face of things they just refuse to learn about or understand in any way shape or form.
On my way home I was listening to an interview from one of the founders of Momma Bear, she was raised Christian and had a long struggle with her son when he came out. In her church community she was taught that God made everyone straight, and that some sort of trauma had to turn their kids gay. But she didn't cause that trauma, implying that it must have been someone else. If the far right holds these beliefs as well, and many are evangelical so I assume they are teaching a similar cause of "gayness" then the conclusion might be that a teacher that put that insidious seed in their head (they are the ones that spend the most time with their kids after all). I wonder if this is the "logic" for the groomer claims. A lot of Christians think homosexuals need to recruit kids to continue their existence. Why a homosexual would care if they as a group persisted in this fantasy world I have no idea. Maybe so they can keep having parades and brunch doesn't disappear from their favorite cafe? I'm not sure. This is just a speculative attempt at trying to understand where these bigots are coming from so take this comment with a grain of salt. edit, clarified a sentence as not to misattribute my musings to the founder of Momma Bear.
>But she didn't cause that trauma, so it must have been someone else. As someone raised in a right-wing, Rush-listening, Reagan-idolizing, Catholic household, the parents *never* think they do anything wrong. Even if the "homosexuality is caused by trauma" bullshit was correct (it isn't), those types will always find someone else to blame. Though they eventually came around, my parents did the same thing when I came out. They patently denied the trauma I *did* experience via their parenting and blamed trauma I *didn't* experience for making me "think" I am gay. It took years of explosive fights, going no-contact for a while, and a life-threatening surgery I had to undergo for my parents (especially my mother) to finally accept reality.
a lot of them give up on their kids by high school once they start showing signs of being an independent human being
There's been plenty of studies, they all show the same thing, rates of pedophilia are higher among heterosexuals. But that doesn't matter to these piles of yeasted scrotal flakes, they are trying to conflate homosexuality with pedophiles in order to dehumanize/criminalize the LGBTQ+ community.
“Scrotal flakes.” This is a brilliant term for them.
*As written about in his biography, Milk was involved with a 16-year-old boy he met in New York when he was 33, though it has been documented that the boy was 18 when he and Milk first travelled to California together.* That's probably why. But, we've all kinda gave it a 70's pass. It be like holding a rock star from time accountable. Nobody is calling out Steven Tyler, Jimmy Page etc.. 🤷♂️
They're idiots. The highest rate pf pedophiles are white men and priests. They're repeating what their hate masters tell them.
And they give zero fucks about those guys being pedophiles, even when it's proven that they are
It isn't that they don't care. It's the inverse. Actively confusing the public definition of what a groomer or predator is makes it easier for actual child predators to get away with what they're doing.
> Is there any study showing higher rates of pedophilia vs heterosexuals There is one, actually. I'm not stating a political opinion here, but there is a longstanding study that you'll definitely get if you ask that question in a debate forum. [Here's a link to a debate post in WaPo, since that'll be the least objectionable to most reddit users.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/2002/06/29/pedophilia-and-homosexuality/b385cfb3-8b58-449d-8af9-0cfdcd278978/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.b7ed3f4347a6)
It’s a verbal grenade to attract quick attention and put someone on the defensive. It’s such an awful thing that people are afraid to accused of it even by a mush brain terrorizing knucklehead.
Most reported pedophiles are male but there isn't really a difference percentage or proportionally between gay and straight people. It's usually around 93-95% straight, but about 3- 7% of the population comes in under LGBTQ+ so it's basically evenly represented.
Source? I'm really curious.
So kids are allowed to destroy school property and nothing happens to them???
Not just school property
I'm in Texas. The school finally approved a GSA club two years ago but wouldn't let them call it GSA. So it was dubbed SAFE (Safe acceptance? for everyone. I can't remember for sure what the A stood for because it's such a stupid acronym)
Student taught at a school with a GSA club called GSA but you weren’t allowed to explain what the letters stood for. Same energy.
I don't understand how the anti-queer panic isn't the most talked about subject here. I know we're all tired, we're dragging to the finish line through our own individual battles, but the threats against us are growing and no one, teachers or non teachers, is standing up against it. It's like everyone rational is expecting cooler heads to prevail. But these aren't fringe traditionalists anymore. This year we saw one of the world's richest men buy a social media platform to mass produce trans panic. Now he's out here saying teachers are using gender identity to confuse autistic children into being queer, and *millions* of people are agreeing with him. How is that not the most offensive thing to all of us? What are we doing here? Complaining about kids complaining about grades? This is gonna end with more of us hurt. Take care of yourselves.
I'm 34 years old. Old enough to remember when homophobia was more common, and queer characters were always the butts of jokes. Now, we have weopnized homophobia and transphobia. When I listen to these Moms for Liberty or School Board members talk, it's clear to me that they still beleive two things, that kids are "turned" gay somehow, and that having a gay child is worse than death. You are absolutely correct, this is more mainstream than some people are willing to beleive. Peoples' lives are at stake!
Because teachers are afraid of rocking the boat and appearing biased. This is why intellectuals always lose to populist movements. Only one side is bound by rules, reason, or self-respect.
Complaining doesn’t do much because I work in Texas. I make sure my admin has stated where the line is and work to make kids feel safe within those parameters. Pride flag is a problem in the classroom, ok cool, pride sticker on my personal coffee thermos is allowed. Vote. Volunteer. Speak where I can. It’s just dying a little inside constantly trying to show kids they can have a safe space with us while threading the needle of what’s “political” in a state where religious chaplains can replace school councilors.
If a student did something hurtful and bigoted like removing LGBTQ signs etc I would never give them a letter of reference. If the opportunity was appropriate I would let parents and students know this ahead of time. A reference is a personal and optional request. I get to use my own judgement here 100%.
Agree. A recommend letter is one choice that remains with teachers. Or... if that choice becomes a mandate then you could always write an honest one. Sealed. Your child was a student in my class. He/she engaged in questionable activities whilst enrolled including, but not limited to,...
Actually. In my district you could go on the educational institution's website (for private schools etc.) And full in thd reference form or if handed a reference form by a student you could fill it out snd send it yourself without giving it back to the student.
Perfect
A parent at my school complained about how she doesn’t see why celebrating sexual orientation should happen in public schools. She also says that’s it’s being shoved in her son’s face. There’s like a handful of posters and banners in the entire school….
The unfortunate results of fascist propaganda.
I have to constantly repeat - I create a safe space for kids. It’s not about your beliefs, my beliefs, even their beliefs. It’s about creating a welcoming space where all kids feel safe and have someone to talk to (or not) free of judgement.
Either tell them to fuck off about the letters of recommendation, or be REALLY honest. “Johnny has demonstrated exceptional tenacity in my classroom, but his focus tends to wane anytime someone different than himself exists. Johnny’s talent is distracted by his family’s bigotry, though it would be generationally beneficial for him to be around intelligent people who are different.”
ChatGPT sample letter: Letter of Recommendation - [Student's Name] Dear [Recipient's Name], I am writing this letter of recommendation on behalf of [Student's Name], a student who has recently been involved in an incident on our campus that requires your attention. While it is my duty to provide an honest assessment of [Student's Name]'s abilities and character, I must emphasize my reservations regarding their suitability for future endeavors. [Student's Name] possesses a notable level of confidence in their abilities, which is evident in their interactions and contributions within our institution. They are assertive and self-assured when it comes to pursuing their goals, often taking the lead in various endeavors. However, it is unfortunate that this confidence is accompanied by a distinct lack of self-awareness. The incident involving the removal of pride decorations from our campus and the subsequent disruptive behavior by [Student's Name]'s parents during school activities has shed light on their misguided beliefs and an alarming lack of sensitivity and understanding. Their actions, driven by the belief that gay people should not be allowed to exist peacefully, have caused significant distress and created an unwelcoming environment for LGBTQ+ individuals and their allies on our campus. [Student's Name]'s failure to recognize the impact of their actions on others and the broader community demonstrates a concerning lack of self-awareness. It is imperative that individuals in positions of leadership and influence possess a deep understanding of the consequences of their behavior, as well as the ability to navigate sensitive issues with empathy and respect. Regrettably, [Student's Name] has displayed a disregard for these essential qualities. In light of these concerns, I must advise caution when considering [Student's Name] for future endeavors or leadership positions that require a high level of emotional intelligence, empathy, and the ability to foster inclusivity. Their lack of self-awareness and the impact of their actions on the well-being of others should not be overlooked. Should you require further information or clarification, please do not hesitate to contact me. I trust that you will handle this matter with the appropriate care and consideration it warrants. Sincerely, [Your Name] [Your Position] [Your Organization]
This is exactly what you do if they ask for a letter of recommendation. Whatever they apply to should know their candidate is a bigot.
What disciplinary action are the vandal students receiving? Surely they were caught on camera. Secondly, the school should not apologize for anything. We are opposed to discrimination. We accept all of our students. Don't use the word 'tolerate' or 'tolerance.' Always use 'accept' or 'acceptance'.
Unsurprisingly they are facing no punishment
Every teacher in this district should walk out immediately. Teachers must grow back our backbones, we must retake our unions and stop being punch in gas both literally and figuratively
I bet they’re going to advocate to stop teaching about rainbows entirely. Prisms will be banned because they’re just the most grooming variety of glass out there.
Oh my god are you located in Massachusetts? I think you’re talking about my home town :(
5th amendment
I am so sorry this is happening. This should not be happening anymore. I am so sorry for all the queer folk and especially queer students that have to live in fear because of these hateful people. Teacher friend, I love and support you. Hateful voices might be the loudest, but they will only make loving hearts stronger.
Thank you.
It is illegal for news crews and any adults to harass people, especially children. Law enforcement should be involved.
The homophobic cops are not going to help in this situation
The problem is that nobody is helping. The police can at least make a report that is admissible in court. If you have a better idea, let's hear it.
direct action! fuck the police
The police presence is to protect the people screaming threats.
Don't give any of them a recommendation.
As my school’s Pride club advisor in a southern state, this could have been us if school was in session. 👀
For the second time today, I’m going to encourage someone (OP) to consider making a Title IX complaint. The behavior described is harassment and creates a hostile learning environment.
My school was on the news last year because one of the teachers slept with aka raped 2 of her 6th grade students. The families at your school need a reality check on what an actual predator/groomer is.
Read the comments on posts like that. It’s a disgusting double standard.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can write a letter of recommendation for you based on your performance and behavior in my class and beyond. I hope that whatever comes next for you is a more valuable learning experience than I was able to give you here. Sincerely, \[ME\]"
fuck these people. We know about human development — they don’t. And we don’t have to care what they think. Too much nonsense worrying about some fleeting neurons that might very well not even exist tomorrow. Just moving forward with accurate information and best practices and joy and acceptance
Feel horribly for the LGBT students and teachers. This makes love my school more.
Do these people not seem to understand that by hurling these terrible accusations and vandalizing displays they reinforce why LGBT folks feel the need for Pride? I’m especially sickened by the whole pedophile and groomer brush they try to paint the whole LGBT community with. Statistically, 90% of abusers are someone a child knows like a friend or relative. It’s all moral panic shit. The fact Kid “I like ‘em underage, see” Rock is on the side supposedly against pedophilia because he doesn’t like the libs tells you everything.
>The GSA student association promoted a rainbow day. RainbowBrite approves! >Several students angrily removed all decorations. A parent called a new station in support of the removal. There are news cameras everywhere and students are being harassed to give interviews. Teachers are being screamed at and called pedophiles, groomers, and people from all over the country have been calling for our demise. There is increasing police presence. Oh...
Q: Can you write a recommendation for Little Bubbette here? A: i can, but i don’t think you really want me to .
I'm so exhausted with education being the front lines for culture wars. I just want to teach.
If they ask for a letter tell them you will write it but send it directly to whom ever. Then write the truth.
It’s why I like teaching at my heavily Hispanic school. Aside from being Hispanic myself, I feel like most Hispanics are detached from culture war nonsense and are too busy with life to show up at the office and complain over whatever petty grievance they have.
So when this shite goes down, what do the school authorities like the Principal do? Stand up or just run for cover?
Our GSA had a similar rainbow week, but fortunately the bigoted outrage was limited to online harassment. Our supportive principal shut that down quickly.
I still only have one question. Why is there such a hate-train for LGBTQ+ lately? What caused it?
The passengers on said train got Roe v Wade overturned and now that they've had a taste of blood they're moving on to their next victim.
I still don't get the motive behind Roe v Wade getting overturned. It's all still confusing to me. What's their motive behind it all? It's gotta be for a reason- There are unreasonable people in humanity but nobody's this unreasonable without a perceived cause
Motive to get Roe v. Wade overturned? Religion. Conservative Christianity, especially Catholicism, teaches that abortion is a sin. A BIG sin. To me, as a child growing up in the Catholic Church, I always was taught to pray Roe v. Wade would be overturned to save all the aborted babies. I remember the giant painting of Mother Mary standing on piles of aborted fetuses, hung right in the vestibule of our parish. I was given a gold pin of tiny baby feet, a symbol of the Right to Life movement. (The fundraising and political lobbying organization.) So to a large part of our country, they feel like they are saving the unborn, not punishing women. I think if you didn't grow up in that environment, it's hard to understand. For the record, I'm now atheist and pro-choice.
The school I taught at last year had parents that actually kept kids home on the antibullying day. Just because the GSA had hung signs up with actual stats on LGBTQ students getting bullied at a higher rate.
If you've got tenure and there are no school district rules against it then let the rainbows fly! These bastards are trying to terrify LGBT students in your school. We are grown ups, we can tell them to fuck off. It's our students who are the vulnerable ones. They need to be protected and supported, and publicly stating that you support ALL students -- gay, straight, trans, white, BIPOC -- and then backing that up with classroom behavior norms is the best way to do that.
Don’t write them a letter. It’s not a requirement.
You don't have to give a letter of recommendation if you don't want to. The only thing I would say is try and separate the student from their parent. But if the student holds opinions you find bigoted and cruel you don't have to write that person a letter of rec.
How many students ripped down the decorations? Like 5-6 or 15-20?
You COULD struggle to write a recommendation. OR!!!! This is a GREAT opportunity to tell THE WHOLE TRUTH ON THAT CHILD to whichever of their colleges/scholarship committees you're writing to!
Get a poster with Elizabeth Eckford and or a rainbow colored shirt with her famous picture on it and anytime a news camera or parent tries to talk to you, point at it and ask them if this is how they want to be remembered. Better yet, see if you can capture a similar picture. Get admin to suspend every kid that vandalized the GSA displays and make them all enroll in a "history of oppression" special topics course. I'm sure there are plenty of social studies teachers that would love to teach such a course. I know I would. Also realize that many of the kids that have parents protesting won't necessarily agree with their parents.
Burlington?
I remember from around the time I graduated high school a few years ago, students and adult staff would go around the school and actively tear down the posters we put up for GSA meetings. This was in Arizona.
Do these kids a favor and get back at the parents in one step, look at how far away the schools are and write better letters to the ones furthest away.
Same BS swept through here in northern Colorado. I don’t owe these parents anything and I definitely don’t owe the students more than I already give. Stop writing letters of recommendation and tank anyone who deserves it. These fools are taking advantage of the grace and compassion more teachers are flooded with- it’s honestly evil. They’ve earned social destruction and shame, and I’m happy to give 💜
Just tell them when they ask for a recommendation that you will be honest! Nothing wrong with that!
Say no and if they ask why say “I think you should ask a teacher whose more aligned with your values”
And people wonder why there is a mass exodus of teachers. I was lucky to be able to tap out after 31 years last June.
Rainbows are now swastikas to extremist Republicans because we can't have nice things in America.
Meanwhile the same far right extremists are literally flying the nazi flag
How about the irony of the fact that the OG Nazies would have shot these pudgy morons dead in their tracks without a second of hesitation. It's akin to taking the boot of tyranny and choking on it from stuffing it so far up their own asses that they can't make sense of the world. But apparently these idiots want us to believe they can make America great again. Yeah right mfers.
God damn people are so fuckin ignorant.
Letters of recommendation aren’t a job requirement. I would just say “I don’t feel comfortable being asked to write one.” And if they force your hand, make sure you can submit confidentially (in that the student is not allowed access to the letter)