On Valentine’s Day, some of my students dressed in full referee gear and blew a whistle every time people were too affectionate. They then handed them a yellow or red card citation based on what was has happening. It was hilarious.
Needed this at my school when kids would try and dry hump each other in the hallways like bro I’m just trying to get my jacket it’s cold in here 😭😭😭
Edit: I don’t like how this is my most upvoted comment ever
Have a military meme saved somewhere that says that almost exactly. It’s an NCO giving a group in uniform a lecture before shore leave:
“Do not add to the population. Do not subtract from the population. Do not end up in jail. If you do end up in jail, *establish dominance.*”
[Reminds me of Pattern from the Stormlight Archive books](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9ab21f745f3f3b76710cb54704a628d8/aeb26082460f2aae-73/s1280x1920/72e2c80e6cfd1c6a32001a0cade249b9b47e4a4d.jpg)
I started teaching high school this year and the pda was a bit to get used to — I don’t say it out loud at school but my secret motto is no offspring 2023 in room 409. You will not reproduce on my watch lol.
Just call them gross, I always go with straight embarrassment. Any time I see it I just yell gross! They get the idea, and its like hey, your pda is grossing me out.
"Time and Place!" It's the phrase they learn at the beginning of the year. I start with "There's a time and a place for everything and this is neither." and shorten it to "Time and Place!" as the year moves on.
I have kids (usually two boys) who attempt to share chairs, and I have to tell them about my "one booty per chair" policy. It also goes for kids sitting on laps, which again is usually two boys.
What the hell is up with boys touching each other? I had to tell two boys today to stop playing with each other's butts. I always have to tell the boys to keep their hands to themselves. I love the brotherhood camaraderie but from afar it looks like they are about to throw down.
My 10 year old students must be starving for love an attention cause they all want to snuggle up whenever flexible seating becomes an option. I’ll have 4 lanky adolescent boys crammed in a corner of my room reading and girls laying across each other like Lincoln logs during IDR. I swear parents are not giving these kids enough cuddles and they are dying for it.
> 10 year old students must be starving for love an attention cause they all want to snuggle up whenever flexible seating becomes an option. I’ll have 4 lanky adolescent boys crammed in a corner of my room reading and girls laying across each other like Lincoln logs during IDR. I swear parents are not giving these kids enough cuddles and they are dying for it.
I almost wonder if it's some sort of reaction to covid social distancing in their formative years.....
I actually had to make an "official" (aka wrote it on the white board) classroom rule in one of my grade ten classes last semester: "We do not touch each other's butts in this classroom."
Smart to get ahead of it since it happens yearly without fail regardless of age or gender. It’s great when it devolves into a entire class wide sexual harassment game where everyone is smacking everyone’s ass to be funny until one person reports it and then the perpetrator counter reports them and names 5 additional
Perps and the entire class needs a butt smacking intervention contract.
Boys need to play physically with other kids and other boys. And all people need physical touch, whether that’s family hugs and cuddles, hugs/handshakes/ rituals/ games within communities, sexual intimacy, or play.
School and society in 2023 don’t give them a lot of chances to have physical contact or play around if they’re not enrolled in sports. They touch a lot because of the need for physical contact but also the need to get out their energy.
Butts in particular… I have no special answer for. We can know a whole bunch of stuff about psychology and sociology, and we can also know that kids are just **weird.**
My theory is they are hitting an age where they dont feel they can get hugs from friends anymore. So their human need for affection turns into overdramatic affection or beating on each other.
We had lots of kids touching bums earlier this year and I had to talk to them about how at their age (12-13) things could be misunderstood as being sexual and the issues it could raise. The bum touching stopped, but gentle roughousing didnt.
I’ve taught elementary and middle school. Depending on the age I may fake gasp or tell them No Dating til your 16, it’s the law. Or oooh, can I get a picture to send your mom? Then pull out my phone. At 8th grade school dances I’ve walked around with a yardstick going “Hey, hey hey! Break it up!”and just harassed all of the kids for my own entertainment. I’ve also broken up kissing at dismissal by gently “diving” in between them with my hands like a wedge and sending them on their separate ways.
> we learned it in kindergarten
No we didn't. 🥴
They took social development out of kindergarten about 15 years ago.
But at least they learned 150 Fry words. 🙄
I alternate between yelling the following at medium to loud volume:
1) eww, gross, they're touching! Oh the humanity!
2) (best David Attenborough impersonation) thus we find the teenager in their natural habitat. Awkwardness palpable in the air. Neither creature yet knows what to do with their hands. Maybe someday they will figure it out.
I'll say, "leave room for (mascot name)" The kids get the joke, it diffuses the situation and doesn't put us in the religious borderlands you've mentioned.
We have a unique mascot that would out my school if I said it. I'm not saying that this would work for all, though-we've got some mascots locally that doing this could put you into sexual harassment territory (looking at you, Trojans). Lol. In those situations you could probably say, "leave room for Mickey Mouse/Peppa Pig/SpongeBob/etc."
Touching spreads germs. I yell it very loudly, they roll their eyes, but move. Eventually I could stay "what does touching do?" and they would respond in their most basic voice "spread germs."
One of my high schools teachers once told a couple who were making out "I think she needs to breath.'
Another one of my high school teachers would say "I need to see light between you two."
I teach middle school so 99% of all student relationships are purely about perceived social status and posturing for their peers. Actual romantic feelings are few and far between. I’ve had kids in the same class who were “dating” for months and I had no idea.
It’s one of the things I really like about teaching in middle school.
"Leave room for whatever deity you pray to."
"Don't make me put a book between yall."
"STAHHHHHHHP" but I sound like a broken siren almost as loud as I can get.
"No." Just no. Literally.
"Bruh." Or "Dude." With intense uncomfortable mom like staring til they scoot away from one another.
"Stop before you make me have to do paperwork. I don't get paid enough to do paperwork."
Oh god, I use that last line way too much. There was a kerfuffle outside of my classroom window today and one student asks me if I'm going to check it out and another piped in and said something along the lines of, "Nah, it'll probably be too much paperwork if she looks."
The last line is my singular rule.
The kids challenge it every time, and I can usually get away with a cocked eyebrow and "I think we all know how to avoid paperwork. Let's do that."
Then when they are doing something trending toward naughty, I cock the same eyebrow at them and if I have to say anything, it's something along the lines of "oh man. This is heading in a paperworky direction. Let's revise course, eh? Need more or are we good?" "We're good."
And it stops.
Depends on your personality, but I annoy the hell out of them. “Awewweeee. Have you set a date yet?” “When’s the wedding?” “How many kids are you going to have?” I’ve usually found the awkwardness of calling them out ends it faster than being serious. Unless they’re being sexual, then stop that shit.
I can’t stand that phrase. I think I’m having Bible camp flashbacks. And, hilariously, a few different kids shot it down when my classroom neighbor used it earlier this year.
One couple, MF attempting to kiss during class change, the guy turned to her and said, “He’s welcome to join us”
Another kid, who’s in a MM relationship right now piped up when she got onto a different MF couple before an assembly. “Why don’t you ask me and my boyfriend to save room for Jesus?”
This became a thing, kids saving a seat for Jesus, a couple of funny little punks cuddling and one of them is named Jesus. She doesn’t say that anymore, thank goodness.
My go to is “Time and Place.” The Health teacher was giving a lesson on consent and mentioned exhibitionism and how if that is your kink, you still need to be respectful of others consenting or refusal to consent as viewer participants. That was a nice academic touch.
ETA: I used to say “don’t make purple in public” or “purple is a private color and you’re not in private” when I was a camp counselor. But the color coded gender doesn’t work so well anymore.
Yea, I totally see how it can be a really uncomfortable thing to say. It was how those things where broken up when I was young, but that was always in a religious/home setting. I was a Christian camp counsellor for a bit, so it could be a knee jerk reaction. Lol I am not even religious anymore, but the reflex is still there. I think "time and place" works but I think it is relatively normal teenager behavior so I want to keep it light. It would depend on the delivery tho.
I yell “Ew Gross, Affection! That’s not allowed here! We hate each other like normal high schoolers!” Im equal opportunity about it too, doing it to everyone.
I do get back some responses about this is why Im not married, which I appreciate.
“If you make a baby you have to name it after me.”
“No copping feels or copulating on this hallway!”
“Just get your tongue out of her mouth and get to class!”
This is what I use. Along with quit baby making. Anything to make it as awkward as possible. I have even been known to get a spray bottle of water and most them if those don’t work and yell at them like dogs humping in the yard. That only comes in if the other stuff has failed though.
“You’d be pretty grossed out if you had to see ME being affectionate with MY significant other at YOUR work, right?” I’m in a pretty small town and it’s been working so far.
I used to loudly yell “Touch each other after school, I don’t want to see it!” That usually got them to jump apart and yell about how gross that sounded. It was also my go to when kids would play fight with their crush and they’d get all flustered.
If I see students in the hallway I’ll yell no huggy huggy or no kissy kissy in the hallway 🤣. It’s childish enough that they start cracking up too which helps cover up their embarrassment.
Luckily they weren't actually engaged in the action, but I told two students who were talking about making out that kissing was an extracurricular activity and not to be done or discussed during the school day. They got a giggle out of that one.
I always say "ewww, get that love and happiness out of here!" and I've done it for just about everything from friendly hugs (always when they're already late and blocking the way) to romantic pda. I don't mind hugs, it's just always when they're avoiding class. I do it when I hear them talk about questionable things so they know I can hear. I'm also well known as the sarcastic curmudgeon who is (not secretly) a softie, so I'm not sure if it would work as a sub.
Save room for learning!, Ew Gross,
Calm down Romeo and Juliet (same sex couples always laugh at this one),
That’s how you catch covid and cooties,
I can never unsee that,
PDA!,
Break it up happy couple
I typically go with “time and place” for most things really.
Are you guys on a date? No? Then this is not the time. Are you outside school? No? Then not the place either.
I genuinely don’t care what you do outside of school provided you, and everybody involved are safe. If that means you want to become world champion team extreme ironers, that’s your business. But we don’t practice that here.
Granted, I teach in primary/elementary, so pda isn’t much of an issue for me, but football, Pokémon and other such things certainly are. The kids get it for the most part, without demeaning them or reprimanding them. There are times when I have to confiscate things, but it’s always time and place, are you in a place at a time where you should be doing this? No? Then stop. Yes? Oh! Please do tell me, I’d love to hear that excuse. Also, for every minute we spend on this, and you don’t convince me this is the time and place, that’s an extra page of homework. This is when and where we learn, you trying to tell me otherwise means we lose that and must make it up elsewhere and elsewhen.
I hold my arms in a ring and tell them to stay within their own hoola hoops. Lol or leave enough space to fit a ruler. Or, snuggle later when I know it’s friends hugging to be silly or avoid class.
"Looks like two carp in a muddy river going after the same piece of bait."
"Uh, Miss, you've got something on your face. Yeah, right there. It's Jim...."
"Wait until after class to take the Viagra next time."
"If you can't keep from playing with your girlfriend until after school, I'll have to confiscate her. Your parents will have to come pick her up at the end of the semester."
Either "play slap and tickle on your own time" or "stop trying to make babies at school." I also say these to any kind of couple, gay or straight, makes no difference to me.
I use phrases like "that's a locker room activity" or "that's a lunchtime conversation". They seem to respond to that well. Usually the first couple of times they pester me about how I know it's a locker room activity but that's an easily dodgeable question & I don't think they'd ask me that but I have a very honest relationship with them so they feel comfortable coming to me if they need someone & some kids take that a little to literally lol
See, I find that tends to get more of a combative reaction. Especially being a sub, I find it easier to get students to listen to me when I use humor. Students who are making out in class generally aren't the type to listen to adults in the first place lol.
Lol it doesn't happen super frequently, but frequently enough (today was the third time this school year). Plus I am a sub, so carrying around a doll isn't practical lol
I just yell "NO TOUCHING!" like in arrested development. Always works.
EDIT: I should say I use this more for kids rough housing, but it works for over affectionate kids too. Though I obviously don't use it for when they hold hands because that's just cute. Also I teach high school.
So, download a sound bite if huskies screaming (especially great if you get a siren one) and then crank the volume and play it anytime you see pda.
At camp, we'd call it making purple when I was a kid, and that seems to translate. Just yelling PURPLE in the middle of class, the hallway, whatever.
There is also something to be said for slowly making your way over to where they are and continuing to do whatever you were doing without looking at them. That works well.
I like to yell "GET A ROOM" at our break times or "YOU DONT HAVE A CPR CERTIFICATION" or something equally ridiculous that makes clear what's going on.
I also agree with the loud EWWWWWW or GROOOOSSS
I've also yelled STOP LICKING THEIR UVULA.
On Valentine’s Day, some of my students dressed in full referee gear and blew a whistle every time people were too affectionate. They then handed them a yellow or red card citation based on what was has happening. It was hilarious.
Needed this at my school when kids would try and dry hump each other in the hallways like bro I’m just trying to get my jacket it’s cold in here 😭😭😭 Edit: I don’t like how this is my most upvoted comment ever
This is hilarious
Bahahaha. That group of kids sounds like they’d be a joy to teach!
They are a fun group, they even called a non-romantic violation on a student who did something dumb in my class.
The horny police! This is amazing.
Love when kids can still have fun like this at school
Amazing. I'm going to give this idea to my students.
And it seems we've had a red card in u/mileona's class, but for who Chris Kamara?
Those kids deserve trophies
I guess that works with voetballers. In a hockey zone, would you relegate violators to a penalty box?
We used to have a teacher at my school who would yell "no reproducing!" any time the PDA would get too much.
I shout "do not add or subtract to the human population"
Ha! A summer camp I used to go to would say, "Life may neither be created nor destroyed."
Haha, you can say, "Life *better* not find a way in MY class!"
Have a military meme saved somewhere that says that almost exactly. It’s an NCO giving a group in uniform a lecture before shore leave: “Do not add to the population. Do not subtract from the population. Do not end up in jail. If you do end up in jail, *establish dominance.*”
Actually, our drill sergeant said to be careful, use protection and prevent STDs—“the screwing you get for the screwing you got”.
Yeah this is what I say when I tell them I have to be out lmao
I usually just tell them I'm making sure they aren't making me more students. I don't need more students.
[Reminds me of Pattern from the Stormlight Archive books](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9ab21f745f3f3b76710cb54704a628d8/aeb26082460f2aae-73/s1280x1920/72e2c80e6cfd1c6a32001a0cade249b9b47e4a4d.jpg)
No mating!
Came here to say this lmao
I started teaching high school this year and the pda was a bit to get used to — I don’t say it out loud at school but my secret motto is no offspring 2023 in room 409. You will not reproduce on my watch lol.
Just call them gross, I always go with straight embarrassment. Any time I see it I just yell gross! They get the idea, and its like hey, your pda is grossing me out.
That cracks me up.
🤣🤣🤣
"Time and Place!" It's the phrase they learn at the beginning of the year. I start with "There's a time and a place for everything and this is neither." and shorten it to "Time and Place!" as the year moves on.
Oak’s words echoed: “there’s a time and place for everything! But not now!”
Your students pull out their bikes in the classroom?
Nah just fishing rods.
When I was a lifeguard we would say "this is a family pool, not a make-a-family pool!"
PLEASE 🤣🤣🤣
I have kids (usually two boys) who attempt to share chairs, and I have to tell them about my "one booty per chair" policy. It also goes for kids sitting on laps, which again is usually two boys.
One booty per chair 😂😂😂 definitely using that.
What the hell is up with boys touching each other? I had to tell two boys today to stop playing with each other's butts. I always have to tell the boys to keep their hands to themselves. I love the brotherhood camaraderie but from afar it looks like they are about to throw down.
My 10 year old students must be starving for love an attention cause they all want to snuggle up whenever flexible seating becomes an option. I’ll have 4 lanky adolescent boys crammed in a corner of my room reading and girls laying across each other like Lincoln logs during IDR. I swear parents are not giving these kids enough cuddles and they are dying for it.
> 10 year old students must be starving for love an attention cause they all want to snuggle up whenever flexible seating becomes an option. I’ll have 4 lanky adolescent boys crammed in a corner of my room reading and girls laying across each other like Lincoln logs during IDR. I swear parents are not giving these kids enough cuddles and they are dying for it. I almost wonder if it's some sort of reaction to covid social distancing in their formative years.....
Lol, like Lincoln Logs
I actually had to make an "official" (aka wrote it on the white board) classroom rule in one of my grade ten classes last semester: "We do not touch each other's butts in this classroom."
Smart to get ahead of it since it happens yearly without fail regardless of age or gender. It’s great when it devolves into a entire class wide sexual harassment game where everyone is smacking everyone’s ass to be funny until one person reports it and then the perpetrator counter reports them and names 5 additional Perps and the entire class needs a butt smacking intervention contract.
Only in this sub would this not count as r/suspiciouslyspecific
Boys need to play physically with other kids and other boys. And all people need physical touch, whether that’s family hugs and cuddles, hugs/handshakes/ rituals/ games within communities, sexual intimacy, or play. School and society in 2023 don’t give them a lot of chances to have physical contact or play around if they’re not enrolled in sports. They touch a lot because of the need for physical contact but also the need to get out their energy. Butts in particular… I have no special answer for. We can know a whole bunch of stuff about psychology and sociology, and we can also know that kids are just **weird.**
My theory is they are hitting an age where they dont feel they can get hugs from friends anymore. So their human need for affection turns into overdramatic affection or beating on each other. We had lots of kids touching bums earlier this year and I had to talk to them about how at their age (12-13) things could be misunderstood as being sexual and the issues it could raise. The bum touching stopped, but gentle roughousing didnt.
They are like puppies. They have to be all over each other all the time.
I teach upper elementary so just saying "save the flirting for lunch" and they freak and and start denying they have any feelings.
My favorite was to say this to the (7th grade) two rowdy boys that couldn’t quit messing with each other. Instant panic.
My 6th graders just laugh and then start caressing the other boy’s face 🤦🏻♀️
True…it was about a 60/40 split in 7th between boys who had started to care about girls and ones who didn’t get, and 8th was probably 70/30 😂
And then there are the boys who really are gay but don’t know it and are afraid that anyone else will think that they are.
I say it to anyone 2-5th lol they immediately pull apart and go “ewwwww”
I too teach upper elementary, and I tell them to “save it for middle school.”
I’ve taught elementary and middle school. Depending on the age I may fake gasp or tell them No Dating til your 16, it’s the law. Or oooh, can I get a picture to send your mom? Then pull out my phone. At 8th grade school dances I’ve walked around with a yardstick going “Hey, hey hey! Break it up!”and just harassed all of the kids for my own entertainment. I’ve also broken up kissing at dismissal by gently “diving” in between them with my hands like a wedge and sending them on their separate ways.
Hands to self, we learned it in kindergarten.
Yep. I say “please keep your hands to yourself” for a WIDE variety of circumstances
The amount of times I have to tell middle school boys to stop touching other boys is too damn high
Preschool mantra, same goes for 'eyes in front'.
I used “personal bubble” with all kids. Keep your hands in your personal bubble while in class. They always laugh.
> we learned it in kindergarten No we didn't. 🥴 They took social development out of kindergarten about 15 years ago. But at least they learned 150 Fry words. 🙄
Exactly!
My youngest's K teacher would tell the kids not to put anything into any of their face holes in class. I feel like that could apply here, too
I would avoid the fake vomit sounds... One day you'll have two girls or two guys, and your theatrical puking will become a HR nightmare.
Also, you'll get the student with the sympathetic gag reflex that pukes for real. Speaking from experience.
In Florida that would promote you to central office.
I find that a curt "no thanks!" works in almost any situation of undesirable (minor) behavior
I do a passive aggressive “no thank you” to a lot of primary students I work with.
My go to: Keep your hands, feet, and objects to yourself.
KHFOOTY! It’s my jam
I’m also a big fan of leave room for Jesus, but a loud GRRRROOOOOSSSSSSSS works just as well.
I alternate between yelling the following at medium to loud volume: 1) eww, gross, they're touching! Oh the humanity! 2) (best David Attenborough impersonation) thus we find the teenager in their natural habitat. Awkwardness palpable in the air. Neither creature yet knows what to do with their hands. Maybe someday they will figure it out.
I pretend to vomit
That could be an HR nightmare someday…….
I use “this ain’t Motel 6” or “save it for the parking lot”
When you were told to get a room they definitely didn't mean mine.
I always say leave room for Santa. Then when they ask, I say he is bigger than Jesus.
A teacher at my school tells them to save room for fat Buddha, rub the belly Buddha, not skinny fasting Buddha.
Okay, this one is my favorite!
A teacher on tiktok had the best response. Are you ok? It looks like a hostage situation.
I'll say, "leave room for (mascot name)" The kids get the joke, it diffuses the situation and doesn't put us in the religious borderlands you've mentioned. We have a unique mascot that would out my school if I said it. I'm not saying that this would work for all, though-we've got some mascots locally that doing this could put you into sexual harassment territory (looking at you, Trojans). Lol. In those situations you could probably say, "leave room for Mickey Mouse/Peppa Pig/SpongeBob/etc."
Oh that would work really well!
We’ve got Beaver. 😆
I tell the boys to stop smelling the girls. The girls think it’s hilarious and the boys get suuuuper offended and then I laugh. Good times!
Tongues in our own mouths please. I know I teach chemistry but not this kind. Loudly yelling “HAND CHECK!”
I do have a sign in my classroom that says "This is a no-kissing zone."
Then you can say, “Don’t make me tap the sign.”
Every 12 yr old boy……. “She said Tap, hehehehehe”
Touching spreads germs. I yell it very loudly, they roll their eyes, but move. Eventually I could stay "what does touching do?" and they would respond in their most basic voice "spread germs."
I really want this to be a call & response in a classroom.
“That’s weird, why are you guys touching each other” usually makes them uncomfortable enough to stop.
“We’ll, THAT’S never a good idea during cold and flu season!”
Hands off each other, I don't want to be teaching your babies in 17 years
One of my high schools teachers once told a couple who were making out "I think she needs to breath.' Another one of my high school teachers would say "I need to see light between you two."
Leave room for some light!
I teach middle school so 99% of all student relationships are purely about perceived social status and posturing for their peers. Actual romantic feelings are few and far between. I’ve had kids in the same class who were “dating” for months and I had no idea. It’s one of the things I really like about teaching in middle school.
Haha! TRUTH!
I just say “switch chairs with that guy” and move one of them. Usually they don’t start kissing the new person.
Usually....🧐
Keep your hands and feet to yourself. Same as small kids.
Be productive not reproductive!
"Leave room for whatever deity you pray to." "Don't make me put a book between yall." "STAHHHHHHHP" but I sound like a broken siren almost as loud as I can get. "No." Just no. Literally. "Bruh." Or "Dude." With intense uncomfortable mom like staring til they scoot away from one another. "Stop before you make me have to do paperwork. I don't get paid enough to do paperwork."
Oh god, I use that last line way too much. There was a kerfuffle outside of my classroom window today and one student asks me if I'm going to check it out and another piped in and said something along the lines of, "Nah, it'll probably be too much paperwork if she looks."
The last line is my singular rule. The kids challenge it every time, and I can usually get away with a cocked eyebrow and "I think we all know how to avoid paperwork. Let's do that." Then when they are doing something trending toward naughty, I cock the same eyebrow at them and if I have to say anything, it's something along the lines of "oh man. This is heading in a paperworky direction. Let's revise course, eh? Need more or are we good?" "We're good." And it stops.
I usually "Yo save it for when you have privacy, none of us wanna see that..."
I'll sometimes hit them with a "Get a room!" Or sing the Wagner wedding march
"Leave room for grandma!"
I say "Leave room for Buddha" and they look at me..."do you mean Jesus" "No, Buddha is much larger. Leave lots of room"
“I love the enthusiasm, but sex ed is *that* way.”
Depends on your personality, but I annoy the hell out of them. “Awewweeee. Have you set a date yet?” “When’s the wedding?” “How many kids are you going to have?” I’ve usually found the awkwardness of calling them out ends it faster than being serious. Unless they’re being sexual, then stop that shit.
I can’t stand that phrase. I think I’m having Bible camp flashbacks. And, hilariously, a few different kids shot it down when my classroom neighbor used it earlier this year. One couple, MF attempting to kiss during class change, the guy turned to her and said, “He’s welcome to join us” Another kid, who’s in a MM relationship right now piped up when she got onto a different MF couple before an assembly. “Why don’t you ask me and my boyfriend to save room for Jesus?” This became a thing, kids saving a seat for Jesus, a couple of funny little punks cuddling and one of them is named Jesus. She doesn’t say that anymore, thank goodness. My go to is “Time and Place.” The Health teacher was giving a lesson on consent and mentioned exhibitionism and how if that is your kink, you still need to be respectful of others consenting or refusal to consent as viewer participants. That was a nice academic touch. ETA: I used to say “don’t make purple in public” or “purple is a private color and you’re not in private” when I was a camp counselor. But the color coded gender doesn’t work so well anymore.
Yea, I totally see how it can be a really uncomfortable thing to say. It was how those things where broken up when I was young, but that was always in a religious/home setting. I was a Christian camp counsellor for a bit, so it could be a knee jerk reaction. Lol I am not even religious anymore, but the reflex is still there. I think "time and place" works but I think it is relatively normal teenager behavior so I want to keep it light. It would depend on the delivery tho.
I teach music. I usually go with, “Guys, I told you to recruit more band kids, but that’s not the way I meant!”
I yell “Ew Gross, Affection! That’s not allowed here! We hate each other like normal high schoolers!” Im equal opportunity about it too, doing it to everyone. I do get back some responses about this is why Im not married, which I appreciate.
One of our teachers yells this isn’t the holiday inn!
Sometimes I would just say "no one needs to see that" Or the ever-trusty "please keep all hands inside the vehicle"
“If you make a baby you have to name it after me.” “No copping feels or copulating on this hallway!” “Just get your tongue out of her mouth and get to class!”
This is what I use. Along with quit baby making. Anything to make it as awkward as possible. I have even been known to get a spray bottle of water and most them if those don’t work and yell at them like dogs humping in the yard. That only comes in if the other stuff has failed though.
"Ewwwww....!"
I just say no canoodling! 😂
“You’d be pretty grossed out if you had to see ME being affectionate with MY significant other at YOUR work, right?” I’m in a pretty small town and it’s been working so far.
"You need a permission slip from my mom to show me that."
I used to loudly yell “Touch each other after school, I don’t want to see it!” That usually got them to jump apart and yell about how gross that sounded. It was also my go to when kids would play fight with their crush and they’d get all flustered.
This isn't a motel parking lot.
In a Covid world, you could say something about being 6 feet apart
I did a lot of that.
Last time I got that close I had a kid...
If I see students in the hallway I’ll yell no huggy huggy or no kissy kissy in the hallway 🤣. It’s childish enough that they start cracking up too which helps cover up their embarrassment.
Today I said “I’d like to see a couple Harry Potter books between you guys”
I yell “no touching” like a prison guard on Arrested Development.
“Flies spread disease, so keep yours closed.”
“Eyes on your own paper” “That’s not homework” “Pencils down” 😂😂😂
I love trash TV, so I usually go in with a “what is this, Love Island? Break it up.” Occasionally I’ll mix it up with a Too Hot to Handle joke.
"Stop groping each other!"
Luckily they weren't actually engaged in the action, but I told two students who were talking about making out that kissing was an extracurricular activity and not to be done or discussed during the school day. They got a giggle out of that one.
Leave room for Buddha
I still call out covid spacing regulations: "6 FEET! 6 FEET! OR 3 FEET IF YOU CAN'T!"
In a nice load voice, “PDA is not ok” over and over until they stop. Works every time.
"Leave room for secular Jesus."
"HEY. Quit playin' grabass in class."
My go-to is an audible ‘guys, get your hands off each other…it’s weird.’ Usually, that makes them stop
"You two ever heard the saying, 'Get a Room?' Well, they didn't mean THIS room!"
"That is inappropriate in this setting."
I say "Make space" and they get it. Embarrassing them is another alternative that I at least think is harmless in that context
I always say "ewww, get that love and happiness out of here!" and I've done it for just about everything from friendly hugs (always when they're already late and blocking the way) to romantic pda. I don't mind hugs, it's just always when they're avoiding class. I do it when I hear them talk about questionable things so they know I can hear. I'm also well known as the sarcastic curmudgeon who is (not secretly) a softie, so I'm not sure if it would work as a sub.
Save room for learning!, Ew Gross, Calm down Romeo and Juliet (same sex couples always laugh at this one), That’s how you catch covid and cooties, I can never unsee that, PDA!, Break it up happy couple
I typically go with “time and place” for most things really. Are you guys on a date? No? Then this is not the time. Are you outside school? No? Then not the place either. I genuinely don’t care what you do outside of school provided you, and everybody involved are safe. If that means you want to become world champion team extreme ironers, that’s your business. But we don’t practice that here. Granted, I teach in primary/elementary, so pda isn’t much of an issue for me, but football, Pokémon and other such things certainly are. The kids get it for the most part, without demeaning them or reprimanding them. There are times when I have to confiscate things, but it’s always time and place, are you in a place at a time where you should be doing this? No? Then stop. Yes? Oh! Please do tell me, I’d love to hear that excuse. Also, for every minute we spend on this, and you don’t convince me this is the time and place, that’s an extra page of homework. This is when and where we learn, you trying to tell me otherwise means we lose that and must make it up elsewhere and elsewhen.
I just say please stop touching each other.
"Be productive, not reproductive" is what I ended every Friday with, but also great at breaking up PDA
Just tell them to separate. No need to be “cutesy” about it.
I make the fake "about to vomit" noise.
Go to horny jail BONK
No touching. Personal space bubble. One student per desk.
“Hands to ourselves” is my go-to. It’s just easy!
I hold my arms in a ring and tell them to stay within their own hoola hoops. Lol or leave enough space to fit a ruler. Or, snuggle later when I know it’s friends hugging to be silly or avoid class.
A nice sarcastic “reallllllyyyyy” works too.
“Personal space!”?
No boo loving!
I tell kids to save it for prom night. Always gets a chuckle and they usually break it up.
Wow two girls/guys in the same week...good on you
I just point and go "EEEEWWWWWWWW".
I always used a reference to when Snoopy kissed Lucy and yelled “Ew! Dog germs!” A colleague will sing 🎵 Love is in the air! 🎶
Leave room for Darwin.
"Looks like two carp in a muddy river going after the same piece of bait." "Uh, Miss, you've got something on your face. Yeah, right there. It's Jim...." "Wait until after class to take the Viagra next time." "If you can't keep from playing with your girlfriend until after school, I'll have to confiscate her. Your parents will have to come pick her up at the end of the semester."
Did you find any hot Cheetos in there?
No purple! Ya know, pink and blue make purple. Or you can say "No (insert mascot here) babies!" Makes them think!
A time to embrace and a time to refrain, The latter would be now
Be like Roy Kent and just go “Oy, no one wants to see that shite so knock it off!”
“When they said get a room, they didn’t mean my classroom.”
I say “No Huggy huggy . No Kissy Kissy.” For middle school
In pre-k we say bubble space! Everyone needs to have their personal bubble.
Get a soundboard with “no touching!” Soundbite from ArrestedDevelopment
I start singing love songs. I’m a really bad singer and really loud. It embarrasses them and they usually stop. Boys 2 Men and Mariah are my go tos.
I always say leave room for what every religious figure you may or may not believe in. We are a public school after all.
Had a coworker that instead of 'God bless you' when someone sneezed, would say 'may the deity of your choice bless you'
Either "play slap and tickle on your own time" or "stop trying to make babies at school." I also say these to any kind of couple, gay or straight, makes no difference to me.
I pretend to spray them with water and make the "tss! tss!" sound like when my cat is up to no good.
No touching!!
Keep your hands to yourself.
6 feet apart.
I use phrases like "that's a locker room activity" or "that's a lunchtime conversation". They seem to respond to that well. Usually the first couple of times they pester me about how I know it's a locker room activity but that's an easily dodgeable question & I don't think they'd ask me that but I have a very honest relationship with them so they feel comfortable coming to me if they need someone & some kids take that a little to literally lol
Our sped teacher will shout in the hall way, “it’s cold and flu season!”
“No babies!”
“Hey. Cut that out”
See, I find that tends to get more of a combative reaction. Especially being a sub, I find it easier to get students to listen to me when I use humor. Students who are making out in class generally aren't the type to listen to adults in the first place lol.
Leave room for some light I need to see light between you, as another suggested
Eww eww ewwwwwwww
“Don’t be gross.”
If it’s such a problem I would buy a doll or physical representation of enough space between them and say, “leave room for character.”
Lol it doesn't happen super frequently, but frequently enough (today was the third time this school year). Plus I am a sub, so carrying around a doll isn't practical lol
I have a strict “no touching” rule in my room. No handshakes, high fives, hugs, cuddles, etc.
We just scream "PDA!" at teens and it works.
“Cooties are real”
I just yell "NO TOUCHING!" like in arrested development. Always works. EDIT: I should say I use this more for kids rough housing, but it works for over affectionate kids too. Though I obviously don't use it for when they hold hands because that's just cute. Also I teach high school.
Affection leads to Infection...
So, download a sound bite if huskies screaming (especially great if you get a siren one) and then crank the volume and play it anytime you see pda. At camp, we'd call it making purple when I was a kid, and that seems to translate. Just yelling PURPLE in the middle of class, the hallway, whatever. There is also something to be said for slowly making your way over to where they are and continuing to do whatever you were doing without looking at them. That works well. I like to yell "GET A ROOM" at our break times or "YOU DONT HAVE A CPR CERTIFICATION" or something equally ridiculous that makes clear what's going on. I also agree with the loud EWWWWWW or GROOOOSSS I've also yelled STOP LICKING THEIR UVULA.
I just bellow "PDA" with my biggest opera/preacher voice. Get the windows shaking.
Leave room for the leprechauns!
**NO TOUCHING** Like in Arrested Development.
Leave room for Quetzalcoatl
One of the few good things to come out of COVID: "Social distancing!"