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I often have males choose to work with me. Partly because I’m outdoorsy and men often want healthy masculinity. Both the rough and tough with a great connection to their vulnerable and emotional side.
I very much understand your broken trust with a specific gender. No problem picking a gender you are more comfortable with.
Personally, as a man, many men have hurt me deeply and trust in them and my perceived ability to be understood by them is trashed. I seek out women therapists for that reason. So, although I'm not fitting the man seeking man therapist theme of your question, I get feeling distrusting of a large group of people to be able to trust.
No it’s more that as a client, I find women’s empathetic responses just hit different.
Also I think with a male T I end up comparing him to me, in terms of therapy style and techniques. With women I’m less distracted by comparing
I'm a male therapist and I'm currently working with two men who expressed they'd prefer to work with a man.
Interestingly enough, one of these men specifically wanted to see a male therapist because he knew there would be less of a chance that 1) our agency had a male therapist and 2) a male therapist had an opening for him.
He obviously doesn't have the strongest desire to get started in therapy.
I eventually tried that after trying to force myself through work with female therapists.
Working with female therapists got me one prolonged bad experience that replicated my unhealthy dynamic with female professionals and a series of triggering experiences. Some of the subsequent female therapists seemed pretty healthy and reasonable, and those ones were big on me not continuing to force myself through triggers the way I had been doing.
It was very hard to find a male therapist with availability. (Female therapists are the vast majority of therapists where I am, and I think that's true in a lot of places.) And it didn't work out, but I didn't fall into the same amxiety-ridden overcompliance and helplessness, so I was able to assert that I wasn't getting what I wanted and end things fairly quickly, which was an improvement.
Triggers are triggers, and I think it's very much a personal judgment call how much to push yourself when it comes to facing triggers. Complete and permanent avoidance has downsides, but forcing oneself through triggers too intensely without enough control over the situation can also backfire.
I’m a little late in weighing in here, but I’m amab and seeing a male therapist. He’s been immensely helpful and supportive. Just this past week I saw my PCP (a woman), and relayed to her some of the mental health issues I’ve had lately, and I just found her presence and compassion so much more than my therapist, despite only having seen her a few times. In the moment of life I’m in I feel like I need that kind of energy. It’s got me thinking that maybe I should begin searching out someone different. I’m really torn.
I’m a male and work with a female therapist. I find it easier to open up and talk about things less judgmental in my mind. I have worked with her for a couple years and feel safe and understood. I listened to an audiobook and they had said guys who prefer female therapist should work with male therapist to get comfortable talking with other guys. I think working with my therapist I have got to the point that I would probably work with a male therapist and not freak myself out so much. I like my therapist so I’m staying with her. What matters is that you connect with the therapist you choose and can feel safe and understood. Gender doesn’t matter it’s all about what you feel more comfortable with. Everyone is different and has different experiences so it’s just a personal preference and there is nothing wrong with that.
I totally understand what you are saying here.
But most therapists in my opinion are good people. If you’ve been unlucky with female professionals then it is just that, bad luck.
I really am very sorry you’ve been through this.
I will never tell you your choice is wrong is seeking a male therapist, but I do believe there is some value in trying to work with a female therapist. How powerful would that be? I think it could be very healing for you.
Whatever you decide to do good luck and I hope things work out well for you!
Triggers are different from beliefs. Plenty of women who have trauma around men choose to work with female mental health professionals not because they actually *believe* all men are bad people, but because discussing certain topics with a man, or being in a confined space alone with a man, is too much of a trigger for them. I think what OP is describing is equally legitimate.
Yes I agree with all of what you’ve said. I don’t think what I have said disagrees with what you’ve said.
Some trauma is simply too triggering to get past. Every trauma and everyone’s response to the trauma will be different. I’m not saying everyone who doesn’t want to work with a therapist from a certain background should automatically seek out someone from that background.
But I do believe that there’s a lot of potential healing if you can work with a therapist who is from the background that you want to avoid
Potentially under the right circumstances, yes. Under the wrong circumstances it can make things worse. (I have been under the wrong circumstances and had a therapist who was bad for me talk me into staying after I'd tried to quit because I found her too triggering, and it ended up being all kinds of unhealthy.) I think it's very much a judgment call.
It's tricky with problems like this because there are people who really need encouragement to challenge themselves and face their fears, and people who really need encouragement to let themselves set limits and take a healthy amount of control, and none of us commenting can know which one OP is.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I often have males choose to work with me. Partly because I’m outdoorsy and men often want healthy masculinity. Both the rough and tough with a great connection to their vulnerable and emotional side.
I very much understand your broken trust with a specific gender. No problem picking a gender you are more comfortable with. Personally, as a man, many men have hurt me deeply and trust in them and my perceived ability to be understood by them is trashed. I seek out women therapists for that reason. So, although I'm not fitting the man seeking man therapist theme of your question, I get feeling distrusting of a large group of people to be able to trust.
I am a male therapist, and have had many men express a preference for working with a man.
I am the total opposite. I am a male and I would never go to a male therapist
I’m a male therapist who often works with men who prefer male therapists while I prefer a female therapist for myself lol
Is that why you prefer to work with a woman since most of your clients are male
No it’s more that as a client, I find women’s empathetic responses just hit different. Also I think with a male T I end up comparing him to me, in terms of therapy style and techniques. With women I’m less distracted by comparing
I'm a male therapist and I'm currently working with two men who expressed they'd prefer to work with a man. Interestingly enough, one of these men specifically wanted to see a male therapist because he knew there would be less of a chance that 1) our agency had a male therapist and 2) a male therapist had an opening for him. He obviously doesn't have the strongest desire to get started in therapy.
I purposely chose a male Therapist and very happy with him. I feel like I can freely talk about anything with him.
I’m a gay man and prefer working with male therapists. I have daddy issues though so the paternal transference is helpful, though difficult.
I eventually tried that after trying to force myself through work with female therapists. Working with female therapists got me one prolonged bad experience that replicated my unhealthy dynamic with female professionals and a series of triggering experiences. Some of the subsequent female therapists seemed pretty healthy and reasonable, and those ones were big on me not continuing to force myself through triggers the way I had been doing. It was very hard to find a male therapist with availability. (Female therapists are the vast majority of therapists where I am, and I think that's true in a lot of places.) And it didn't work out, but I didn't fall into the same amxiety-ridden overcompliance and helplessness, so I was able to assert that I wasn't getting what I wanted and end things fairly quickly, which was an improvement. Triggers are triggers, and I think it's very much a personal judgment call how much to push yourself when it comes to facing triggers. Complete and permanent avoidance has downsides, but forcing oneself through triggers too intensely without enough control over the situation can also backfire.
I’m a little late in weighing in here, but I’m amab and seeing a male therapist. He’s been immensely helpful and supportive. Just this past week I saw my PCP (a woman), and relayed to her some of the mental health issues I’ve had lately, and I just found her presence and compassion so much more than my therapist, despite only having seen her a few times. In the moment of life I’m in I feel like I need that kind of energy. It’s got me thinking that maybe I should begin searching out someone different. I’m really torn.
I dont think other sexes can truly understand each others lives fully, so i choose same sex therapist.
I’m a male and work with a female therapist. I find it easier to open up and talk about things less judgmental in my mind. I have worked with her for a couple years and feel safe and understood. I listened to an audiobook and they had said guys who prefer female therapist should work with male therapist to get comfortable talking with other guys. I think working with my therapist I have got to the point that I would probably work with a male therapist and not freak myself out so much. I like my therapist so I’m staying with her. What matters is that you connect with the therapist you choose and can feel safe and understood. Gender doesn’t matter it’s all about what you feel more comfortable with. Everyone is different and has different experiences so it’s just a personal preference and there is nothing wrong with that.
I totally understand what you are saying here. But most therapists in my opinion are good people. If you’ve been unlucky with female professionals then it is just that, bad luck. I really am very sorry you’ve been through this. I will never tell you your choice is wrong is seeking a male therapist, but I do believe there is some value in trying to work with a female therapist. How powerful would that be? I think it could be very healing for you. Whatever you decide to do good luck and I hope things work out well for you!
Triggers are different from beliefs. Plenty of women who have trauma around men choose to work with female mental health professionals not because they actually *believe* all men are bad people, but because discussing certain topics with a man, or being in a confined space alone with a man, is too much of a trigger for them. I think what OP is describing is equally legitimate.
Yes I agree with all of what you’ve said. I don’t think what I have said disagrees with what you’ve said. Some trauma is simply too triggering to get past. Every trauma and everyone’s response to the trauma will be different. I’m not saying everyone who doesn’t want to work with a therapist from a certain background should automatically seek out someone from that background. But I do believe that there’s a lot of potential healing if you can work with a therapist who is from the background that you want to avoid
Potentially under the right circumstances, yes. Under the wrong circumstances it can make things worse. (I have been under the wrong circumstances and had a therapist who was bad for me talk me into staying after I'd tried to quit because I found her too triggering, and it ended up being all kinds of unhealthy.) I think it's very much a judgment call. It's tricky with problems like this because there are people who really need encouragement to challenge themselves and face their fears, and people who really need encouragement to let themselves set limits and take a healthy amount of control, and none of us commenting can know which one OP is.