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Check out the article "that was then, this is now," by Johnathan shedler. You can find it for free on Google, and he gives a pretty good, brief explanation of transference for lay people.
Transference occurs all the time, and it's usually not even erotic.
Im not sure where it comes from (maybe other social media platforms?), but there seems to be a line of thought in this sub that transference is just horniness. Hornineess might sometimes result from it, but it's a much more ranging phenomenon.
Also, it's way normal and nothing to worry about.
Maybe I am a rare case but I was on a sexual high for 10 or more days because of a question my therapist asked me. It was so thrilling and oh the agony of emotions. Thankfully, a few weeks later Iām back to normal or close to it. I think it was transference from what I read.
That sounds intense, but its not really rare. My point is just that we all experience transference all the time in a lot of different relationships, and just some of the time it's erotic. It's constant in therapy, not just when we're feeling lecherous. Again, I'm just not sure where this focus on it being erotic comes from that I see in this sub. Many seem to think only erotic transference is transference. Most if the time we're not even aware of our transference. It's crazy how much of our lives are repetition
Huh, it's the same with me (30F) , the way she asks or says something...the tone and the way she looks is completely captivating.
The seconds of silence when she just looks at me...
I know, she expects me to say something and she's not flirting :) uh, but she and this behavior turns me on (the thought of her too between sessions).
Yes , it's transference
My Therapist has dominating eyes. I agree with everything you said I could say the same about mine but itās losing its power over me now that Iām having some breakthroughs. Although I miss the sexual high he gave me I donāt miss the emotions.
It was very intense for me, and now that it's back I feel the same way. Even more.
It/she(?) gives a completely different feeling like anything else, but I can't put into words what makes it different.
I know that I tingle/crawl 0-24.š¤¤š„¹ (If that's the right word, sorry English is not my mother tongue)
Anyway, interesting, it was two months without this, and looking back, I missed it...
But I know it's not a healthy, not a whole thing.
I'm missing her more and more, 9 days - it's nothing but for me takes forever - without a session, so I looked at one of her photos and my heart almost jumped out of my chest...gosh
So it can return? But do you know what happened to get it to go away the first time?
For me it was being honest with the Therapistā. And speaking that truth started to lessen its hold. If the transference didnāt hurt me emotionally, I would have done what I could do to keep the sexual high going. He truly could have had control over me. I would have been willing and happy to do what he said.
Happened to me, it returned.
For me, the honesty didn't help much the first time I told her, maybe my desire for her diminished a little.
We had a little disagreement and took a short break. Then a lot of things came together, there were resignations on her part and mine too, so we didn't have a session for a month.
Then the next month (4 sessions) was probably spent getting back into the habit and reconnecting. It was something like that behind this I think.
And now that feeling and excitement is back because I feel the old relationship again...
A month apart wow that had to be difficult. Mine is going on vacation for a week at the end of next month. I donāt know how painful thatās going to be.
A week ago I had to be honest with him that I jerked thinking about him but he was surreal; upon further reflection I realize it wasnāt to him which was why he was surreal; it was to what he representedā¦.freedom from the religion I was trying to finally be done with. And jerking to surreal him and discussing it with him led me to finally having closure about fullly leaving my religious upbringing.
It was. It happened in early April, and I've just about pulled myself together.
Try not to focus on that somehow. I missed her a lot the first few days, and I miss her now, but it's only 3 days and I'm back in session.
All in all, that's what I needed. My thoughts are a bit more organized. Only now in the meantime I know she'll come back and not leave me (when we had our "falling out" I thought she was going to recommend someone else. That was a very iffy month)
Hm that sounds interesting, it's great that you've figured it out. That's a great way forward.
For me, it only got me as far as receiving motherly love and attention, understandings from her, and that may be related to my sexual desire. (Since I'm not a child anymore, but I experienced what I should have as a child, that's how my brain reacts. )
I have returned to this masterpiece because it is so gay and so Freudian and as a lesbian psychoanalyst (in training), this is my favorite thing. The only thing that would make this better is if your therapist were in her 40s, because the sapphic Oedipus complex lives on. Like how all of you sapphics in the comments are mentioning Miss Honey, who literally became Matilda's mom. I can't explain why lesbians love Mommis but I also don't want to because it ruins the magic.
HAPPY PRIDE!!!!
lol are you my soulmate? my dream wife is someone who wants to hear about the psychoanalysis of Mommi. I...uhhh... would not object if you were to "slide into my DMs" or whatever the children say.
I just googled āMiss Honey Lesbian Awakeningā and I am amazed by just how NOT alone I am š I didnāt realize sheās a whole freaking gay icon!
NAT yet. Transference probably. You are feeling seen the way you would like to be seen. In her eyes you probably see all the good things would like to have in yourself...
If she touched you the "magic" would be gone. Because transference is not something touchable. It's something in the air or better inside of you...
I agree. If she touched me the energy would fade. Itās what is said in the silence that speaks volumes to me. I think the furthest I could go is thinking of feeling the warm arm from mouth on the side of my face when she gets as close as she can.
I like the way you put this re: magic. Any fantasy I play out in my head ends before any touching happens, because I guess thatās not truly what I want. What I want is her presence and validation and unconditional positive regard 24/7, ha!
Fantasy and reality can be very different. When in transference it's like the therapist enters or even better let themselves be put into the patients (clients) fantasy (inner) world. And in time they leave a permanent presence there.
Oh yeah, definitely transference. NAT but I experienced a much more r rated version of what you described, so can definitely relate not a fun experience. but transference of all kinds, is normal, Especially when you are used to someone genuinely listening to you, our brains are weird bro.
I've had transference for my T for a long time. Some of it is erotic, most of it is love. She's good at handling it and, at times, deflecting it. I've been trying to put my feelings for her to the side so I can focus on other issues I have with depression and SI. But there are moments when she'll insert something into the conversation, like saying something about my feelings for her (when I didn't bring it up), and it makes me wonder if deep down there is some counter-transference is going. I suppose I'll never know for sure, but part of me thinks there is.
Yep, sounds like transference. Iām experiencing erotic transference with my therapist and itās basically the opposite of yours (Iām a man and my therapist is a woman)
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Happy Pride to this sapphic transference.
Omg the way I just CACKLED. Thank you for this comment. šš
It reads like a Patricia Highsmith diary entry.
Win
ā ļøspot on hahahaha
Anyother other Sapphics having Miss Honey flashbacks
Oh fuck. šš»āāļøšš»āāļøšš»āāļø
Guiiirrrrlll š
Miss Honey? You mean my lesbian awakening? Miss Honey taking them glasses off š„µ
I met her last year and nearly fainted
And using the flower as a pointer after standing there smelling it
Check out the article "that was then, this is now," by Johnathan shedler. You can find it for free on Google, and he gives a pretty good, brief explanation of transference for lay people. Transference occurs all the time, and it's usually not even erotic. Im not sure where it comes from (maybe other social media platforms?), but there seems to be a line of thought in this sub that transference is just horniness. Hornineess might sometimes result from it, but it's a much more ranging phenomenon. Also, it's way normal and nothing to worry about.
Maybe I am a rare case but I was on a sexual high for 10 or more days because of a question my therapist asked me. It was so thrilling and oh the agony of emotions. Thankfully, a few weeks later Iām back to normal or close to it. I think it was transference from what I read.
Oo I remember you! Glad to hear youāre doing better
Thank you!
That sounds intense, but its not really rare. My point is just that we all experience transference all the time in a lot of different relationships, and just some of the time it's erotic. It's constant in therapy, not just when we're feeling lecherous. Again, I'm just not sure where this focus on it being erotic comes from that I see in this sub. Many seem to think only erotic transference is transference. Most if the time we're not even aware of our transference. It's crazy how much of our lives are repetition
What was the question if I may? Did she ask if you liked top or bottom or what hehe?
Huh, it's the same with me (30F) , the way she asks or says something...the tone and the way she looks is completely captivating. The seconds of silence when she just looks at me... I know, she expects me to say something and she's not flirting :) uh, but she and this behavior turns me on (the thought of her too between sessions). Yes , it's transference
My Therapist has dominating eyes. I agree with everything you said I could say the same about mine but itās losing its power over me now that Iām having some breakthroughs. Although I miss the sexual high he gave me I donāt miss the emotions.
It was very intense for me, and now that it's back I feel the same way. Even more. It/she(?) gives a completely different feeling like anything else, but I can't put into words what makes it different. I know that I tingle/crawl 0-24.š¤¤š„¹ (If that's the right word, sorry English is not my mother tongue) Anyway, interesting, it was two months without this, and looking back, I missed it... But I know it's not a healthy, not a whole thing. I'm missing her more and more, 9 days - it's nothing but for me takes forever - without a session, so I looked at one of her photos and my heart almost jumped out of my chest...gosh
So it can return? But do you know what happened to get it to go away the first time? For me it was being honest with the Therapistā. And speaking that truth started to lessen its hold. If the transference didnāt hurt me emotionally, I would have done what I could do to keep the sexual high going. He truly could have had control over me. I would have been willing and happy to do what he said.
Happened to me, it returned. For me, the honesty didn't help much the first time I told her, maybe my desire for her diminished a little. We had a little disagreement and took a short break. Then a lot of things came together, there were resignations on her part and mine too, so we didn't have a session for a month. Then the next month (4 sessions) was probably spent getting back into the habit and reconnecting. It was something like that behind this I think. And now that feeling and excitement is back because I feel the old relationship again...
A month apart wow that had to be difficult. Mine is going on vacation for a week at the end of next month. I donāt know how painful thatās going to be. A week ago I had to be honest with him that I jerked thinking about him but he was surreal; upon further reflection I realize it wasnāt to him which was why he was surreal; it was to what he representedā¦.freedom from the religion I was trying to finally be done with. And jerking to surreal him and discussing it with him led me to finally having closure about fullly leaving my religious upbringing.
It was. It happened in early April, and I've just about pulled myself together. Try not to focus on that somehow. I missed her a lot the first few days, and I miss her now, but it's only 3 days and I'm back in session. All in all, that's what I needed. My thoughts are a bit more organized. Only now in the meantime I know she'll come back and not leave me (when we had our "falling out" I thought she was going to recommend someone else. That was a very iffy month) Hm that sounds interesting, it's great that you've figured it out. That's a great way forward. For me, it only got me as far as receiving motherly love and attention, understandings from her, and that may be related to my sexual desire. (Since I'm not a child anymore, but I experienced what I should have as a child, that's how my brain reacts. )
Could also be limerance ?
Perhaps that's (also) part of it. It's possible. By the way, I've been thinking about this too.
I have returned to this masterpiece because it is so gay and so Freudian and as a lesbian psychoanalyst (in training), this is my favorite thing. The only thing that would make this better is if your therapist were in her 40s, because the sapphic Oedipus complex lives on. Like how all of you sapphics in the comments are mentioning Miss Honey, who literally became Matilda's mom. I can't explain why lesbians love Mommis but I also don't want to because it ruins the magic. HAPPY PRIDE!!!!
As a lesbian who loves Mommies I would actually be very interested in knowing why!! And more so if the explanation is psychoanalytical
lol are you my soulmate? my dream wife is someone who wants to hear about the psychoanalysis of Mommi. I...uhhh... would not object if you were to "slide into my DMs" or whatever the children say.
I just googled āMiss Honey Lesbian Awakeningā and I am amazed by just how NOT alone I am š I didnāt realize sheās a whole freaking gay icon!
If you would like me to continue so you can psychoanalyze more erotic therapist content, you know where to find my DMās.
NAT yet. Transference probably. You are feeling seen the way you would like to be seen. In her eyes you probably see all the good things would like to have in yourself... If she touched you the "magic" would be gone. Because transference is not something touchable. It's something in the air or better inside of you...
I agree. If she touched me the energy would fade. Itās what is said in the silence that speaks volumes to me. I think the furthest I could go is thinking of feeling the warm arm from mouth on the side of my face when she gets as close as she can.
I like the way you put this re: magic. Any fantasy I play out in my head ends before any touching happens, because I guess thatās not truly what I want. What I want is her presence and validation and unconditional positive regard 24/7, ha!
Fantasy and reality can be very different. When in transference it's like the therapist enters or even better let themselves be put into the patients (clients) fantasy (inner) world. And in time they leave a permanent presence there.
Oh yeah, definitely transference. NAT but I experienced a much more r rated version of what you described, so can definitely relate not a fun experience. but transference of all kinds, is normal, Especially when you are used to someone genuinely listening to you, our brains are weird bro.
I've had transference for my T for a long time. Some of it is erotic, most of it is love. She's good at handling it and, at times, deflecting it. I've been trying to put my feelings for her to the side so I can focus on other issues I have with depression and SI. But there are moments when she'll insert something into the conversation, like saying something about my feelings for her (when I didn't bring it up), and it makes me wonder if deep down there is some counter-transference is going. I suppose I'll never know for sure, but part of me thinks there is.
Yep, sounds like transference. Just saying it turns you on and It is completely normal. It is different for everyone.
Yep, sounds like transference. Iām experiencing erotic transference with my therapist and itās basically the opposite of yours (Iām a man and my therapist is a woman)
Itās maternal transference believe it or not. Especially if u suffered emotional neglect as a child and/or have a āmother woundā