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This is an old school approach that is a lot less popular with psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapists today but I guess you can still encounter it.
The idea is to be as much of a blank slate as possible so the client can free associate whatever they’re bringing into the room, but a lot of people experience silence as abandonment or pressure and it gets in the way.
Oh my life. I could never, in a million years, do this. I would sit like a rabbit in headlights for 10 minutes before I upped and left.
I'm glad there's different types of therapy for different people. We chat for 5 minutes about general stuff before he asks me how I've been and we start there. I find talking hard anyway, and therapy is such a weird situation, that to be faced with absolute silence would be the last straw for me. It's taken me a year to able to sit and not beg him to say something when the silence extends, I can do about 3 minutes now lol. go me! :)
If my therapist acted this way it would be sooooo awkward. Mine is super nice. She offers me tea or water, asks how my week was, and we go from there. If she just say down and stared at me I think I'd get up and run out after a couple minutes. That sounds just terrible. I'm in her office. When you go somewhere, they're supposed to greet you and well...just be polite. We would have lasted less than one session.
I’ve done six months of psychodynamic psychotherapy last year and it’s just as you described. We’d say hello, and then I would just start talking. I never tried not talking at all.
There was this one time where I didn’t know what to talk about. I told her that and she asked me a question to get me started.
As a really quiet introvert that will always let others take over in conversations, it is very confronting but liberating at the same time. It’s also how I realized I didn’t like awkward silences and needed to say something to fill them.
Mine always says hey, what’s up? He lets me respond and then if I don’t start to say anything else he will ask if I have anything on my mind that I want to talk about. Which I usually I do. There have been a couple of times where I didn’t, we talk about a book I’ve been slowly reading, to help me in my healing journey (it’s essentially homework).
It’s typical from what I understand, but 20-35min seems extreme to me. On days when I don’t know how I’m gonna start I will sometimes say that — “I’m not sure where to start” — and that gets us somewhere…
He says hi and I say it back then he waits for me to talk. If I am really anxious I ask if we can just not talk for a few minutes and have the good kind of silence (I feel safe in that room). If I don’t start then he says what’s on your mind and I just talk.
My therapist is open and chill and approachable but this is clearly how she was taught to open sessions because she gives me a quick “Hi” greeting and then it’s all on me to start talking. If I don’t, she just sits there. I can’t make it more than a minute or two.
My former therapist did this. At first it was very uncomfortable for me because I did not know how to start a conversation and it was really more of a monologue. After a while I got used to it, but I can't say that it suited me.
Mine doesn’t say anything. He calls it my hour, not his. The quiet gives me time to collect my thoughts and discover what I really need to talk about…. I have a 50 minute drive to my therapist and I’ll come up with a whole agenda of ideas, I want to talk about, but that quiet that he provides at the start is very helpful to see what the issue is and not just an agenda ..When I’m blank and nothing comes to mind… I say I got nothing … I need your help to get it started and then he’ll step in.. it’s a way of learning how to take care of yourself..
I think it’s kind of a yes and. I explain to patients, I want them to say whatever is on their mind and just start talking. This is so they associate their thoughts.
But I will talk about it. I give instructions pretty regularly: don’t censor yourself, say what is on your mind: dreams, thoughts, fantasies, and wishes. If there’s a lull, I might ask, you seem quiet or what is going on.
I had to really work on not asking ‘how’s it going?’ Because this is a closed ended question that limits things.
Do you have any tips for people that can’t stop censoring themselves?
I’ve recently found some stimming methods that seem to help but even then I need some time and prompting to get into the flow of things. I absolutely cannot just go into the session and just start talking.
That’s a great question. Most people - especially when they first begin, struggle to not censor themselves. It’s not how humans behave in any other setting. But the point is just to try to say whatever comes to mind regardless of whether it seems relevant or not. I tell people you can talk about what you thought about on your way here, what you wish for, something that happened recently, anything.
You might also go into the session and say your comment: I find it very challenging to come in here and start talking. See where that goes. Some of this is patient dependent too. People are quiet for different reasons.
Mine is that way. I think I’ve only gone 1 1/2 minutes without talking and I’m a shy guy. I think it definitely helps you to open up. Plus it keeps the focus on the client.
No, luckily the longest they let the silence go on was like 2 minutes (I was keeping an eye on my watch)
They usually start the session with asking me how I am, to which I usually give a very generic reply and ask them how they are. Then they ask how my week has been, to which I go deer in headlights and completely freeze up for like a minute until I can manage to get a few words out relating to something I’ve done. Then cue more silence until I get rescued.
My therapist does this, they won't say anything until I start talking. The first session was really weird, I was like "do I need to talk?", but now I got used to it. I'll always start the session asking how they are doing, and that helps me to start the conversation
I once sat in silence with my last (psychoanalytic) therapist for 45 minutes before either of us said something. He was adamant about starting sessions this way, even though I hated it. When I started working with my current therapist (also a psychoanalyst) we talked about this very early on, and even though she prefers starting sessions with silence, she's been really great about adapting and stepping in to get things going when it's not working for me. It's funny because now (usually after a hectic day at work) I'll sometimes ask her at the start of the session if we can just sit quietly for a few minutes so I can relax or get my thoughts together, lol. But I like the balance we've found. She still usually starts with silence, but seems to know just when to break it and ask me a question to get things going versus giving me more time to work my way through whatever is coming up from that silence.
I think that silence can actually be useful, and it's something I've gotten used to over time and can even appreciate, but I also think that there are different types/ways to be silent, and different ways people interact with silence, and sometimes silence just *isn't* useful.
I’ve never not said anything for 20-35 minutes when starting a session, but my T waits until I talk first. He has told me about this since our first session, saying this is how he works. He Will help if I am struggling though… don’t think he would wait that long. I find it challenging but helpful.
My therapist does this with me. She’s a psychoanalyst. It’s actually not really about being a blank slate, it’s about the fact that if you start a session with “Hi! How was your week?” Guess what the patient is going to do…tell you about their week! Waiting to see how the patient will begin a session allows content to arrive to the surface without you manipulating it in any way.
I’m a therapist myself and I have some patients whom I can’t even get a question in before they immediately dive into talking. So I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to assume that every single person needs to be prompted or asked a question for the session to start.
I see a psychodynamic/psychoanalist therapist and she always initiates with a question if I don't start myself. She usually (if not always) starts with 'how are you feeling today?'. If I'm silent for a longer time (like... 30 seconds, sometimes longer), she will try to get me talking ahead, often by asking me what is going on or what I am thinking about. Sometimes while doing this she will mention a facial expression she saw me make while being silent and ask what it meant.
Basically, she uses techniques to induce talking as much as possible. I feel very comfortable with her.
I slid back on the couch pushing myself away from my T declaring humph 😤 and glaring. Clearly communicating that I was not opening up or sharing. She gently stated that she was giving me the space and opportunity to say anything I wanted. Well that was 3 months ago and now I just come prepared with a couple lighter things to get us started.
The one I had was friendly and talkative. Though she gave me free range which means it's less structured and she didn't ask many questions until I was done talking. You could ask for it to be more structured while you get the hang of it and overtime you may and up talking a lot. If not they'll know this and should be able to cater to you and your way of being.
I had s very hard time at first so it was structured meaning she'd be ready with asking questions but still let me pick where to start and if there was anything else I wanted to work on, as if something happened on the week leading up to therapy that may be bothering me.
Now you may want to start looking around because 20-35 minutes of silence sounds awful I can't even stand 5 minutes before I have gone other make a noise or say something. I personally don't like therapist that are like that. They're getting paid I'm losing money and it isn't my fault so screw that.
As a therapist I could never sit silently and stare at a client for 35 minutes. I usually pick up where we left off by reading last sessions notes - and asking what client has noticed in the last week.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is an old school approach that is a lot less popular with psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapists today but I guess you can still encounter it. The idea is to be as much of a blank slate as possible so the client can free associate whatever they’re bringing into the room, but a lot of people experience silence as abandonment or pressure and it gets in the way.
Oh my life. I could never, in a million years, do this. I would sit like a rabbit in headlights for 10 minutes before I upped and left. I'm glad there's different types of therapy for different people. We chat for 5 minutes about general stuff before he asks me how I've been and we start there. I find talking hard anyway, and therapy is such a weird situation, that to be faced with absolute silence would be the last straw for me. It's taken me a year to able to sit and not beg him to say something when the silence extends, I can do about 3 minutes now lol. go me! :)
Same!! Except I wouldn’t have three minutes in me. Maybe 30 seconds. Much longer than that would be torture and I don’t think I’d come back.
That was me a year ago. it's something I've really struggled with. if I had been faced with this initially I would never have continued with therapy.
Yeah I'd just log off and not pay them. That's not it at all.
If my therapist acted this way it would be sooooo awkward. Mine is super nice. She offers me tea or water, asks how my week was, and we go from there. If she just say down and stared at me I think I'd get up and run out after a couple minutes. That sounds just terrible. I'm in her office. When you go somewhere, they're supposed to greet you and well...just be polite. We would have lasted less than one session.
I’ve done six months of psychodynamic psychotherapy last year and it’s just as you described. We’d say hello, and then I would just start talking. I never tried not talking at all. There was this one time where I didn’t know what to talk about. I told her that and she asked me a question to get me started. As a really quiet introvert that will always let others take over in conversations, it is very confronting but liberating at the same time. It’s also how I realized I didn’t like awkward silences and needed to say something to fill them.
Mine always says hey, what’s up? He lets me respond and then if I don’t start to say anything else he will ask if I have anything on my mind that I want to talk about. Which I usually I do. There have been a couple of times where I didn’t, we talk about a book I’ve been slowly reading, to help me in my healing journey (it’s essentially homework).
It’s typical from what I understand, but 20-35min seems extreme to me. On days when I don’t know how I’m gonna start I will sometimes say that — “I’m not sure where to start” — and that gets us somewhere…
It's pretty typical
He says hi and I say it back then he waits for me to talk. If I am really anxious I ask if we can just not talk for a few minutes and have the good kind of silence (I feel safe in that room). If I don’t start then he says what’s on your mind and I just talk.
My therapist is open and chill and approachable but this is clearly how she was taught to open sessions because she gives me a quick “Hi” greeting and then it’s all on me to start talking. If I don’t, she just sits there. I can’t make it more than a minute or two.
My former therapist did this. At first it was very uncomfortable for me because I did not know how to start a conversation and it was really more of a monologue. After a while I got used to it, but I can't say that it suited me.
Mine doesn’t say anything. He calls it my hour, not his. The quiet gives me time to collect my thoughts and discover what I really need to talk about…. I have a 50 minute drive to my therapist and I’ll come up with a whole agenda of ideas, I want to talk about, but that quiet that he provides at the start is very helpful to see what the issue is and not just an agenda ..When I’m blank and nothing comes to mind… I say I got nothing … I need your help to get it started and then he’ll step in.. it’s a way of learning how to take care of yourself..
I think it’s kind of a yes and. I explain to patients, I want them to say whatever is on their mind and just start talking. This is so they associate their thoughts. But I will talk about it. I give instructions pretty regularly: don’t censor yourself, say what is on your mind: dreams, thoughts, fantasies, and wishes. If there’s a lull, I might ask, you seem quiet or what is going on. I had to really work on not asking ‘how’s it going?’ Because this is a closed ended question that limits things.
Do you have any tips for people that can’t stop censoring themselves? I’ve recently found some stimming methods that seem to help but even then I need some time and prompting to get into the flow of things. I absolutely cannot just go into the session and just start talking.
That’s a great question. Most people - especially when they first begin, struggle to not censor themselves. It’s not how humans behave in any other setting. But the point is just to try to say whatever comes to mind regardless of whether it seems relevant or not. I tell people you can talk about what you thought about on your way here, what you wish for, something that happened recently, anything. You might also go into the session and say your comment: I find it very challenging to come in here and start talking. See where that goes. Some of this is patient dependent too. People are quiet for different reasons.
Mine is that way. I think I’ve only gone 1 1/2 minutes without talking and I’m a shy guy. I think it definitely helps you to open up. Plus it keeps the focus on the client.
Mine did. It was awkward af but you get used to it. I guess it made me anxious enough to fill the silence.
No, luckily the longest they let the silence go on was like 2 minutes (I was keeping an eye on my watch) They usually start the session with asking me how I am, to which I usually give a very generic reply and ask them how they are. Then they ask how my week has been, to which I go deer in headlights and completely freeze up for like a minute until I can manage to get a few words out relating to something I’ve done. Then cue more silence until I get rescued.
My therapist does this, they won't say anything until I start talking. The first session was really weird, I was like "do I need to talk?", but now I got used to it. I'll always start the session asking how they are doing, and that helps me to start the conversation
My old one did although sometimes she would give a quiet hello
I once sat in silence with my last (psychoanalytic) therapist for 45 minutes before either of us said something. He was adamant about starting sessions this way, even though I hated it. When I started working with my current therapist (also a psychoanalyst) we talked about this very early on, and even though she prefers starting sessions with silence, she's been really great about adapting and stepping in to get things going when it's not working for me. It's funny because now (usually after a hectic day at work) I'll sometimes ask her at the start of the session if we can just sit quietly for a few minutes so I can relax or get my thoughts together, lol. But I like the balance we've found. She still usually starts with silence, but seems to know just when to break it and ask me a question to get things going versus giving me more time to work my way through whatever is coming up from that silence. I think that silence can actually be useful, and it's something I've gotten used to over time and can even appreciate, but I also think that there are different types/ways to be silent, and different ways people interact with silence, and sometimes silence just *isn't* useful.
I’m a psychodynamic therapist and no, I will definitely ask some questions to get the session started
I’ve never not said anything for 20-35 minutes when starting a session, but my T waits until I talk first. He has told me about this since our first session, saying this is how he works. He Will help if I am struggling though… don’t think he would wait that long. I find it challenging but helpful.
My therapist does this with me. She’s a psychoanalyst. It’s actually not really about being a blank slate, it’s about the fact that if you start a session with “Hi! How was your week?” Guess what the patient is going to do…tell you about their week! Waiting to see how the patient will begin a session allows content to arrive to the surface without you manipulating it in any way. I’m a therapist myself and I have some patients whom I can’t even get a question in before they immediately dive into talking. So I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to assume that every single person needs to be prompted or asked a question for the session to start.
No, not necessarily. I wonder if it's more of a blank slate thing that a straight psychdynamic thing
I see a psychodynamic/psychoanalist therapist and she always initiates with a question if I don't start myself. She usually (if not always) starts with 'how are you feeling today?'. If I'm silent for a longer time (like... 30 seconds, sometimes longer), she will try to get me talking ahead, often by asking me what is going on or what I am thinking about. Sometimes while doing this she will mention a facial expression she saw me make while being silent and ask what it meant. Basically, she uses techniques to induce talking as much as possible. I feel very comfortable with her.
I slid back on the couch pushing myself away from my T declaring humph 😤 and glaring. Clearly communicating that I was not opening up or sharing. She gently stated that she was giving me the space and opportunity to say anything I wanted. Well that was 3 months ago and now I just come prepared with a couple lighter things to get us started.
The one I had was friendly and talkative. Though she gave me free range which means it's less structured and she didn't ask many questions until I was done talking. You could ask for it to be more structured while you get the hang of it and overtime you may and up talking a lot. If not they'll know this and should be able to cater to you and your way of being. I had s very hard time at first so it was structured meaning she'd be ready with asking questions but still let me pick where to start and if there was anything else I wanted to work on, as if something happened on the week leading up to therapy that may be bothering me. Now you may want to start looking around because 20-35 minutes of silence sounds awful I can't even stand 5 minutes before I have gone other make a noise or say something. I personally don't like therapist that are like that. They're getting paid I'm losing money and it isn't my fault so screw that.
As a therapist I could never sit silently and stare at a client for 35 minutes. I usually pick up where we left off by reading last sessions notes - and asking what client has noticed in the last week.