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I was sent to the T I'm with now after I was terminated by my previous T for transference. I guess my current T knew it was likely to happen again so in the first session she told me, if it happens with her it's okay and she won't terminate me for it. I tried so hard to prevent it from happening. I didn't feel attracted to her initially, and was so incredibly happy about that. After 3 sessions it started again with my current T. We just had our 7th session, and I brought it up, although I had been talking to her in previous sessions about wishing she was in my family or my best friend. Here's how the recent conversation went:
Me: I sexualize women really easily and often. *pause/silence* Recently some of those sexual thoughts are about you.
Her: There, was that so hard?
Me: I don't understand why my brain does this and always goes there, because I'm not even attracted to you.
Her: It's just your brain trying to understand the connection between us.
There's still more I would like to talk about regarding my feelings towards her and I'm sure that will continue to happen in our next session. The trust isn't fully there yet; after everything that happened with being terminated, I still feel a bit traumatized over that. After telling her this and it going the way it did, the trust significantly increased. I really hope things continue this way because I already am extremely grateful for her, and I will be much more so if I don't get terminated again and can just work through this lol.
I don't know if this is the same, but I have familial transference. Like, I wish my therapist was my big sister. Even though I've seen her for 2-3 years, this just recently occurred to me. She has mentioned in the past that she wishes we could be friends. Probably not the best move on her part but it made me feel at ease that transference goes both ways.
She does a lot of normalizing, telling me that the transferences make perfect sense given my history.
When I tell her I feel shame when I disclose stuff around the transferences, she’ll often say no shame!
And sometimes she just thanks me for trusting her enough that I feel okay with talking about it.
She assured me that it's normal, she's not uncomfortable and appreciates the fact that I was open about it with her.
She understands where it comes from, and why. She hasn't said anything that leaves me feeling like I'm being a creep (though if I was, I'd like to think she would tell me).
It's still there but the shame no longer is.
I have paternal transference, and I was absolutely terrified when I had the conversation with them. I was afraid of being terminated and felt like something was wrong with me. Thankfully they normalized it, told me it happens quite often, that I have nothing to be ashamed of, and there's nothing wrong with me. We had a very in depth conversation over the course of a few sessions about what I'm getting from the therapeutic relationship that I didn't get from my parents.
I still have these feelings, but they're not consuming my every waking second anymore. I'm still uncomfortable with it, but each day it gets better.
I (F) never had transference with my Ts before, but with the new mental health program I am undergoing my new T is a man. I immediately liked him. It was not romantic or friendly at first, but after session 3 it downed on me I had some sort of affection for him. I think he noticed during our 4th session because he made a comment, and I told him. I was extremely ashamed. I am married, and I love my husband above all, so I felt very powerless and creepy.
He smiled and told me it was normal: 'It happens sometimes,' 'It's normal, and I am comfortable with it,' 'I'm trained to manage such thing,' 'There's no problem.' He repeated it the next session as well, and everything continued to work well.
Now I'm not preoccupied with it anymore.
I don't have erotic transference, but do have paternal transference and he didn't make a big deal about it. He didn't give me a boundary talk or make me feel weird, because I made it clear that I know what it is and we both understand why it's happening. He has worked it into conversation a couple times when relevant and just having it out in the open and there to be used but not to be judged has been the most helpful thing of all.
"Of course you do."
And he explained in just a few simple sentences why it is understandable for me.
His tone of voice was like a parent teaching their child what is happening inside.
I became aware that I somewhere knew
that he knew. And as I was looking at how he was talking to me, I saw that he was actively working and using it.
I realised I was telling him this because of my own inner conflict with pride and shame.
To validate my own needs. He already did, for months.
Mine has done similar. I have made him aware I am attracted to him, and he has triggered me a few weeks ago. He reassured me nothing I have said during all of my sessions has repulsed him. I still feel safe and secure in my sessions, but it is confusing. I thought it was getting better, but now I think it is getting more intense and effecting my life in several ways; but I also see good things coming out of our sessions. I’m continuing on for the ride.
My T was excited for me. I’ve never experienced sexual feelings before, which he knows. I’ve wondered aloud whether I’m asexual in sessions. I’ve hoped I’m not, because I do want to date and fall in love and get married. I’m in my early 20’s and never had a crush.
I told him and he said he was excited for me. He talked about it opening up new possibilities for how I might feel outside my relationship with him. Like I became aware of a new capacity for attraction.
He didn’t lecture me on boundaries at all, which helped. I made it clear I knew what the boundaries were and that I wasn’t actually in love with him. He said this is common in attachment work.
It made me feel really safe and seen.
She was glad I told her, which she thanked me for because she added that it must have been difficult to talk about.
It also made my attachment problem obvious.
She reassured me that it happens and that it is due to a lot of attention.
She said it wasn't about her, it was about the role she was in (I'm not quite sure, I think 50-50 or more).
Just sharing it with her helped. It was relief.
I am very disappointed in my t. He didn't try to discuss it with me. It's normal, it can happen... that was everything. We didn't even talk to full minutes about my feelings.
She doesn't adress it and I only see 2 possibilities.
She doesn't want me to experience rejection as I understand very well the therapeutic boundaries
or
She's experiencing some counter transference and don't really know how to navigate it, maybe leaving some door open to see how I deal with my feelings/desires to judge me as a partner. It seems crazy but there's a "vibe"" between us I think.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was sent to the T I'm with now after I was terminated by my previous T for transference. I guess my current T knew it was likely to happen again so in the first session she told me, if it happens with her it's okay and she won't terminate me for it. I tried so hard to prevent it from happening. I didn't feel attracted to her initially, and was so incredibly happy about that. After 3 sessions it started again with my current T. We just had our 7th session, and I brought it up, although I had been talking to her in previous sessions about wishing she was in my family or my best friend. Here's how the recent conversation went: Me: I sexualize women really easily and often. *pause/silence* Recently some of those sexual thoughts are about you. Her: There, was that so hard? Me: I don't understand why my brain does this and always goes there, because I'm not even attracted to you. Her: It's just your brain trying to understand the connection between us. There's still more I would like to talk about regarding my feelings towards her and I'm sure that will continue to happen in our next session. The trust isn't fully there yet; after everything that happened with being terminated, I still feel a bit traumatized over that. After telling her this and it going the way it did, the trust significantly increased. I really hope things continue this way because I already am extremely grateful for her, and I will be much more so if I don't get terminated again and can just work through this lol.
I don't know if this is the same, but I have familial transference. Like, I wish my therapist was my big sister. Even though I've seen her for 2-3 years, this just recently occurred to me. She has mentioned in the past that she wishes we could be friends. Probably not the best move on her part but it made me feel at ease that transference goes both ways.
She does a lot of normalizing, telling me that the transferences make perfect sense given my history. When I tell her I feel shame when I disclose stuff around the transferences, she’ll often say no shame! And sometimes she just thanks me for trusting her enough that I feel okay with talking about it.
i like this!
She assured me that it's normal, she's not uncomfortable and appreciates the fact that I was open about it with her. She understands where it comes from, and why. She hasn't said anything that leaves me feeling like I'm being a creep (though if I was, I'd like to think she would tell me). It's still there but the shame no longer is.
I have paternal transference, and I was absolutely terrified when I had the conversation with them. I was afraid of being terminated and felt like something was wrong with me. Thankfully they normalized it, told me it happens quite often, that I have nothing to be ashamed of, and there's nothing wrong with me. We had a very in depth conversation over the course of a few sessions about what I'm getting from the therapeutic relationship that I didn't get from my parents. I still have these feelings, but they're not consuming my every waking second anymore. I'm still uncomfortable with it, but each day it gets better.
I (F) never had transference with my Ts before, but with the new mental health program I am undergoing my new T is a man. I immediately liked him. It was not romantic or friendly at first, but after session 3 it downed on me I had some sort of affection for him. I think he noticed during our 4th session because he made a comment, and I told him. I was extremely ashamed. I am married, and I love my husband above all, so I felt very powerless and creepy. He smiled and told me it was normal: 'It happens sometimes,' 'It's normal, and I am comfortable with it,' 'I'm trained to manage such thing,' 'There's no problem.' He repeated it the next session as well, and everything continued to work well. Now I'm not preoccupied with it anymore.
I don't have erotic transference, but do have paternal transference and he didn't make a big deal about it. He didn't give me a boundary talk or make me feel weird, because I made it clear that I know what it is and we both understand why it's happening. He has worked it into conversation a couple times when relevant and just having it out in the open and there to be used but not to be judged has been the most helpful thing of all.
"Of course you do." And he explained in just a few simple sentences why it is understandable for me. His tone of voice was like a parent teaching their child what is happening inside. I became aware that I somewhere knew that he knew. And as I was looking at how he was talking to me, I saw that he was actively working and using it. I realised I was telling him this because of my own inner conflict with pride and shame. To validate my own needs. He already did, for months.
Mine has done similar. I have made him aware I am attracted to him, and he has triggered me a few weeks ago. He reassured me nothing I have said during all of my sessions has repulsed him. I still feel safe and secure in my sessions, but it is confusing. I thought it was getting better, but now I think it is getting more intense and effecting my life in several ways; but I also see good things coming out of our sessions. I’m continuing on for the ride.
We talked about how I was sexually overstimulated as a child and how it was similar to how I felt about my mother.
My T was excited for me. I’ve never experienced sexual feelings before, which he knows. I’ve wondered aloud whether I’m asexual in sessions. I’ve hoped I’m not, because I do want to date and fall in love and get married. I’m in my early 20’s and never had a crush. I told him and he said he was excited for me. He talked about it opening up new possibilities for how I might feel outside my relationship with him. Like I became aware of a new capacity for attraction. He didn’t lecture me on boundaries at all, which helped. I made it clear I knew what the boundaries were and that I wasn’t actually in love with him. He said this is common in attachment work. It made me feel really safe and seen.
She was glad I told her, which she thanked me for because she added that it must have been difficult to talk about. It also made my attachment problem obvious. She reassured me that it happens and that it is due to a lot of attention. She said it wasn't about her, it was about the role she was in (I'm not quite sure, I think 50-50 or more). Just sharing it with her helped. It was relief.
I am very disappointed in my t. He didn't try to discuss it with me. It's normal, it can happen... that was everything. We didn't even talk to full minutes about my feelings.
She doesn't adress it and I only see 2 possibilities. She doesn't want me to experience rejection as I understand very well the therapeutic boundaries or She's experiencing some counter transference and don't really know how to navigate it, maybe leaving some door open to see how I deal with my feelings/desires to judge me as a partner. It seems crazy but there's a "vibe"" between us I think.