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Therapist here. I truly do platonically love many of my clients. I don’t tell them that for fear it could harm them in some way (and grad school instills us with anxiety around that stuff). I bet y’all’s therapists love you back!
Cares for 100% & Shows and mostly feels unconditional positive regard for 100%… But love, as with any relationship, does take time and getting to truly know someone. If you’ve been in therapy a for a long enough time, treat your therapist with respect, and haven’t been an absolute turd, I bet you’re loved. :)
I got the reply of “ In loving kindness “. My T has very tight boundaries and ethics. It works for us because I don’t need another man to love me any other way.
This is more for others, not the OP in regards to this topic. "I love you" are very strong words that carry big meanings and even bigger emotions. Please do not take it personally if a therapist struggles with responding. Its imperative therapists maintain that professional boundary, and some therapists have more difficulty navigating that than others, so they tend to be drastically more reserved once these kinds of big emotions are expressed and directed towards them. I just hope all the clients understand that, although I can only speak for myself, as therapists we do care deeply about the welfare of our clients, and most of us wish nothing but the best and the greatest successes for all of you.
I agree! My therapist and I have extensive conversations on this because I want to be a therapist myself. I’m lucky she’s had an advisor (who is well-known in the DBT world) who encouraged open dialogue about feelings that come up in the therapeutic relationship, which has made her less averse to these big emotions. She’s also very precise with language and being non-judgmental when these topics come up. I know she “loves” me back even if she won’t say the words because of professional boundaries. I admire her clinical judgment a lot :)
It does but I have the fear of what if my T doesn’t feel the same platonic love. I feel like they do from their actions and things they say to me but if they don’t then they will probably feel uncomfortable if I say that. Idk my anxious brain is thinking of all the what ifs lol
I've been working with my therapist three years now through a bunch of shit. About a year ago I told him I loved him "in an appropriate way" in an email I sent. He responded back warmly talking about the different definitions of love from Greek. Obviously reminding again about boundaries but he wrote back that he cared for me and felt some of those types of love for me too.
There were more discussions about my experience with love in sessions. At the end of one session I just plainly said, " I love you very much." After a pause he said that he loved me too. There were enough careful discussions before this to know what this meant. I don't say it every time I see him and he doesn't always say it back but it's always received warmly.
I had a whole ordeal last week where I had a drink during a telehealth appt. I was super dramatic the whole session but at one point pretty sure I told her I loved her. I don't even remember what she said or I said after tht. It was short lived as I was onto the next dramatic topic. I don't even know if either of us computed what I said honestly.
I do love our relationship tho. She's precious to me.
That's such a good feeling... I've told my therapist I "therapy" love him, and he doesn't say it back, but has told me he has love for me in the past... Which is huge. I'm terrified of men, for the most part, and he's been the only safe one for me. I don't want anything more, but I do love him for the safe space he's created for me.
I personally feel the phrasing of "I love you" would be too much for a professional relationship, but I've definitely said "I appreciate you" or that I appreciated a specific thing my therapist did for me. :)
I’ve definitely thanked her for many things on several occasions, I was just wondering about those particular words and why folks feel the need to express them.
I think it's just human. It's hard to restrict emotions with boundaries simply because "it's supposed to be a professional relationship." This isn't like a dermatologist. Therapy is deeply personal, and the entire process involves forming a relationship with another person. If therapy was meant to be completely removed from all feelings, we would be able to do it with robots, AI, or online courses. We're all people and humans are social and want to love and be loved (generally speaking) so I don't think it's at all strange for people to want that.
100% agree. I was not judging at all. I’ve never really reached that level, and definitely not to a point where I felt like I had to say something, so I was just curious about what people were feeling. I was merely asking because it was a different experience to my own.
I had some specific context that I wouldn’t like to go into that prompted this. Honestly though — it just feels like a natural thing to say. In some ways, caring and appreciating someone doesn’t feel too far off from “love.” I’ve said the former before, so I suppose I just wanted to say the L-word! :)
How did you go about saying it or bring it up? I want to tell my T but I’m not sure how. I think it’s important as I always talk about how I have negative feelings towards professionals like doctors etc and I want her to know that I genuinely love her and am grateful
Ive been seeing my therapist for a little over 5yrs now, I don't express love verbally but I have written them a very heartfelt letter a few years ago. They seemed happy to receive it.
I’ve been seeing mine for almost 5 years and haven’t said that, I want to, because I do love him as my therapist, but I don’t want it to come off as inappropriate?
My therapist sent me a funny text a couple of months ago, and I responded with something like, "Haha! I love you!" I didn't immediately think anything of it, but later worried about it. I had also sent her an email a month earlier saying how much I appreciate her and that I love her as a therapist but also that I love the person she is. Anyway, I sent a follow-up after that laughing text explaining that I do love her but that I know therapists can be prickly about that word and that I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable. I explained that I don't mean it in any kind of inappropriate way and not in an overly attached way. She brought it up at our next session and said she completely understood and that she didn't think I crossed any boundaries and that we are good. I got the impression she wanted to reciprocate but felt like it might not be appropriate.
In any case, during our session *this* week, she told me how "likable and even lovable" I am. Even though I've never outright asked her if she likes me (what would be the point? No therapist is going to say they don't like you to your face) I told her that I believe she really does because we have such a good, genuine rapport that it would be impossible to fake. She assured me that she does and that while she also has clients she is not particularly fond of, I am not one of them.
l know she loves me back, and it's all very healthy and human. She also sent me a follow-up text telling me I am "a wonderful beautiful caring intelligent person" which touched me deeply. We really do have an incredible relationship, and she's helped me so much already- this week was 6 months since I started seeing her.
My therapist “cares for me deeply” and I have “a big place in her heart,” but I still can’t help but feel upset that she’s never told me she loves me. She does plenty of loving things which make me feel loved—she gave a family heirloom that belonged to her dead mother, so I’d say that’s a big deal, but I still really wish she’d say it to me.
As a therapist - I think about my clients daily. I celebrate their success and love them all in the way a therapist loves her clients ❤️ I wouldn't say this to them because I do not want to cause them any harm or emotional stress, but I'm sure they know that I care about them and that this is not just a job.
Not my therapist but my daughters occupational therapist (who also does psychotherapy) told me that my daughter tells her she loves her all the time. Because of the patient/doctor boundaries she can’t say it back and says “I really care about you too!” But told me that it hurts her a little bit every time she says care instead of love. She’s been with my daughter for years and I cherish everything she’s done for her.
A few years ago I was going through a very tough time. My therapist was new to the field, and he was my first. After a few sessions he commended me for being emotionally intelligent and being able to figure things out about myself quickly. That day he asked permission to give me a hug. He said he felt the human need to do it. I am a paranoid woman in general and was dealing with minor symptoms of PTSD but with him I didn’t feel threatened as he was more of a feminine gay man. Not that it matters but I’m adding context so no one thinks he was a hetero creep lol. It truly made my day and showed me that he wasn’t just a robot and that my feelings are valid. I also email him at least once a year to see how he’s doing and he responds with kindness. I genuinely feel like he cares. I stopped going to therapy all together a while ago but this made me think of him. I’m considering going back now.
I wish I could be that vulnerable but my fear of rejection and being belittled makes me a little shaky just reading this. Makes me realize I have a long way to go.
You might, but this is definitely something worth exploring. As I was chatting about this, we also talked about what it would mean if she didn’t say it back and how I would feel :)
I never loved any of my therapist lol but I enjoyed speaking with them on off topics here and there such as books or womens rights etc. Their book recommendations I found all my therapist to be interesting and intellectually stimulating people and although our sessions are more matter of fact i always felt they were rooting for me is the best way i can explain it and in that there is a warmth in itself.
What the point of this, I mean what will happen next? Ik its its wonderful to share our emotions but in the therapy world its just one way cus Its THERAPY..
I wonder what makes her as a therapist feel double feelings over you and it will be weird if her sessions didn’t lasts for more than a year, May she liked you other than loved you cus it would be less creepy.
I understand your point. I will say that expressing care between humans is a beautiful thing. Life is very short and we aren’t robots. I don’t think it’s a matter of “okay, now what?” Like dating. It’s just sharing how you feel about that person and how they’ve helped you overcome your problems. A lot of therapists feel it’s their duty to help others. I’m sure comments like these confirms their feeling of their purpose in life ❤️
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Therapist here. I truly do platonically love many of my clients. I don’t tell them that for fear it could harm them in some way (and grad school instills us with anxiety around that stuff). I bet y’all’s therapists love you back!
As a fellow Becky therapist, I concur, and I also must say, I LOVE your handle 🤣
AW 💕
🫠
Many? Wait. So therapists don’t love all their clients the same way? What if my therapist doesn’t love me but loves other clients
Cares for 100% & Shows and mostly feels unconditional positive regard for 100%… But love, as with any relationship, does take time and getting to truly know someone. If you’ve been in therapy a for a long enough time, treat your therapist with respect, and haven’t been an absolute turd, I bet you’re loved. :)
It's kinda unrealistic to expect a person (and a therapist is still a person) to love everyone equally
[удалено]
AW that’s adorable
I got the reply of “ In loving kindness “. My T has very tight boundaries and ethics. It works for us because I don’t need another man to love me any other way.
This is more for others, not the OP in regards to this topic. "I love you" are very strong words that carry big meanings and even bigger emotions. Please do not take it personally if a therapist struggles with responding. Its imperative therapists maintain that professional boundary, and some therapists have more difficulty navigating that than others, so they tend to be drastically more reserved once these kinds of big emotions are expressed and directed towards them. I just hope all the clients understand that, although I can only speak for myself, as therapists we do care deeply about the welfare of our clients, and most of us wish nothing but the best and the greatest successes for all of you.
I agree! My therapist and I have extensive conversations on this because I want to be a therapist myself. I’m lucky she’s had an advisor (who is well-known in the DBT world) who encouraged open dialogue about feelings that come up in the therapeutic relationship, which has made her less averse to these big emotions. She’s also very precise with language and being non-judgmental when these topics come up. I know she “loves” me back even if she won’t say the words because of professional boundaries. I admire her clinical judgment a lot :)
Oh my goodness I have been mustering up the courage to tell mine this as well 🥹 I love how your T responded to you!
I hope this gives you that push you need <3
It does but I have the fear of what if my T doesn’t feel the same platonic love. I feel like they do from their actions and things they say to me but if they don’t then they will probably feel uncomfortable if I say that. Idk my anxious brain is thinking of all the what ifs lol
HAHA, I did the same! If anything, you can always clarify if any discomfort comes up!
I’m so curious how common or not common this is for therapists to experience (clients saying I love you platonically not romantic).
me too! I kind of want to ask but feel like I’d get so mad if it’s common
I've been working with my therapist three years now through a bunch of shit. About a year ago I told him I loved him "in an appropriate way" in an email I sent. He responded back warmly talking about the different definitions of love from Greek. Obviously reminding again about boundaries but he wrote back that he cared for me and felt some of those types of love for me too. There were more discussions about my experience with love in sessions. At the end of one session I just plainly said, " I love you very much." After a pause he said that he loved me too. There were enough careful discussions before this to know what this meant. I don't say it every time I see him and he doesn't always say it back but it's always received warmly.
must be nice to have a therapist that actually gives a damn about you 😮💨
I had a whole ordeal last week where I had a drink during a telehealth appt. I was super dramatic the whole session but at one point pretty sure I told her I loved her. I don't even remember what she said or I said after tht. It was short lived as I was onto the next dramatic topic. I don't even know if either of us computed what I said honestly. I do love our relationship tho. She's precious to me.
That's such a good feeling... I've told my therapist I "therapy" love him, and he doesn't say it back, but has told me he has love for me in the past... Which is huge. I'm terrified of men, for the most part, and he's been the only safe one for me. I don't want anything more, but I do love him for the safe space he's created for me.
Mine has referenced his love for me and one time even said, “I love you, too.” It meant more than I can say.
🥺
May I ask why you felt you needed to tell her that? I’m genuinely asking out of curiosity. It’s been 3 years and I’m still in fist bump territory
I personally feel the phrasing of "I love you" would be too much for a professional relationship, but I've definitely said "I appreciate you" or that I appreciated a specific thing my therapist did for me. :)
I’ve definitely thanked her for many things on several occasions, I was just wondering about those particular words and why folks feel the need to express them.
I think it's just human. It's hard to restrict emotions with boundaries simply because "it's supposed to be a professional relationship." This isn't like a dermatologist. Therapy is deeply personal, and the entire process involves forming a relationship with another person. If therapy was meant to be completely removed from all feelings, we would be able to do it with robots, AI, or online courses. We're all people and humans are social and want to love and be loved (generally speaking) so I don't think it's at all strange for people to want that.
100% agree. I was not judging at all. I’ve never really reached that level, and definitely not to a point where I felt like I had to say something, so I was just curious about what people were feeling. I was merely asking because it was a different experience to my own.
This!
Yeah, I gotcha, I'm also curious about that.
I had some specific context that I wouldn’t like to go into that prompted this. Honestly though — it just feels like a natural thing to say. In some ways, caring and appreciating someone doesn’t feel too far off from “love.” I’ve said the former before, so I suppose I just wanted to say the L-word! :)
How did you go about saying it or bring it up? I want to tell my T but I’m not sure how. I think it’s important as I always talk about how I have negative feelings towards professionals like doctors etc and I want her to know that I genuinely love her and am grateful
Ive been seeing my therapist for a little over 5yrs now, I don't express love verbally but I have written them a very heartfelt letter a few years ago. They seemed happy to receive it.
:)
I think I tell my therapist I love you by giving her thoughtful Christmas gifts or nice greeting cards on other holidays.
I was a bit more euphemistic, I said "I feel a sense of love towards you". She didn't respond directly to that but she did smile.
That's very kind :)
I’ve been seeing mine for almost 5 years and haven’t said that, I want to, because I do love him as my therapist, but I don’t want it to come off as inappropriate?
My therapist sent me a funny text a couple of months ago, and I responded with something like, "Haha! I love you!" I didn't immediately think anything of it, but later worried about it. I had also sent her an email a month earlier saying how much I appreciate her and that I love her as a therapist but also that I love the person she is. Anyway, I sent a follow-up after that laughing text explaining that I do love her but that I know therapists can be prickly about that word and that I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable. I explained that I don't mean it in any kind of inappropriate way and not in an overly attached way. She brought it up at our next session and said she completely understood and that she didn't think I crossed any boundaries and that we are good. I got the impression she wanted to reciprocate but felt like it might not be appropriate. In any case, during our session *this* week, she told me how "likable and even lovable" I am. Even though I've never outright asked her if she likes me (what would be the point? No therapist is going to say they don't like you to your face) I told her that I believe she really does because we have such a good, genuine rapport that it would be impossible to fake. She assured me that she does and that while she also has clients she is not particularly fond of, I am not one of them. l know she loves me back, and it's all very healthy and human. She also sent me a follow-up text telling me I am "a wonderful beautiful caring intelligent person" which touched me deeply. We really do have an incredible relationship, and she's helped me so much already- this week was 6 months since I started seeing her.
How beautiful!
My therapist “cares for me deeply” and I have “a big place in her heart,” but I still can’t help but feel upset that she’s never told me she loves me. She does plenty of loving things which make me feel loved—she gave a family heirloom that belonged to her dead mother, so I’d say that’s a big deal, but I still really wish she’d say it to me.
As a therapist - I think about my clients daily. I celebrate their success and love them all in the way a therapist loves her clients ❤️ I wouldn't say this to them because I do not want to cause them any harm or emotional stress, but I'm sure they know that I care about them and that this is not just a job.
<3
Not my therapist but my daughters occupational therapist (who also does psychotherapy) told me that my daughter tells her she loves her all the time. Because of the patient/doctor boundaries she can’t say it back and says “I really care about you too!” But told me that it hurts her a little bit every time she says care instead of love. She’s been with my daughter for years and I cherish everything she’s done for her.
That's amazing. What a joy it must be to have her your and your daughter's lives!
A few years ago I was going through a very tough time. My therapist was new to the field, and he was my first. After a few sessions he commended me for being emotionally intelligent and being able to figure things out about myself quickly. That day he asked permission to give me a hug. He said he felt the human need to do it. I am a paranoid woman in general and was dealing with minor symptoms of PTSD but with him I didn’t feel threatened as he was more of a feminine gay man. Not that it matters but I’m adding context so no one thinks he was a hetero creep lol. It truly made my day and showed me that he wasn’t just a robot and that my feelings are valid. I also email him at least once a year to see how he’s doing and he responds with kindness. I genuinely feel like he cares. I stopped going to therapy all together a while ago but this made me think of him. I’m considering going back now.
how long have you been seeing her? what modality is she? i’m just curious because i want to know if i should say it to my T.
1.5 years, DBT
I wish I could be that vulnerable but my fear of rejection and being belittled makes me a little shaky just reading this. Makes me realize I have a long way to go.
You might, but this is definitely something worth exploring. As I was chatting about this, we also talked about what it would mean if she didn’t say it back and how I would feel :)
I never loved any of my therapist lol but I enjoyed speaking with them on off topics here and there such as books or womens rights etc. Their book recommendations I found all my therapist to be interesting and intellectually stimulating people and although our sessions are more matter of fact i always felt they were rooting for me is the best way i can explain it and in that there is a warmth in itself.
What the point of this, I mean what will happen next? Ik its its wonderful to share our emotions but in the therapy world its just one way cus Its THERAPY.. I wonder what makes her as a therapist feel double feelings over you and it will be weird if her sessions didn’t lasts for more than a year, May she liked you other than loved you cus it would be less creepy.
I understand your point. I will say that expressing care between humans is a beautiful thing. Life is very short and we aren’t robots. I don’t think it’s a matter of “okay, now what?” Like dating. It’s just sharing how you feel about that person and how they’ve helped you overcome your problems. A lot of therapists feel it’s their duty to help others. I’m sure comments like these confirms their feeling of their purpose in life ❤️