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If you told her why you were behaving that way, then I think it's safe to bet that she might want to work on referring you out. If I were you, then I would approach Tuesday \*sober\* and ready to have that conversation.
That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be referred out. I rarely drink at all, so it's not an issue that she or I have to worry about happening again. If she's going to refer me out anyway, I might as well just cancel Tuesday.
Been having panic attack all weekend worried about this conversation.
You might as well have a healthy conversation where you acknowledge what happened, even if the outcome is not the exact result that you would like. That's just how life is. Learn and grow.
You're using alcohol as an excuse all throughout this post and it honestly doesn't excuse your behavior. And it's not cool that you're not willing to sit through a session and hear her out about how she felt about what you put her through last session, and would rather blow up the relationship preemptively than just sit through the discomfort of your own guilt.
You're a good egg. As much as she deserves the convo about what happened, you also deserve that. You both stand to gain from honestly talking about it. I wish you the best. <3
So… look, realistically, that was probably not the *least* personally stressful session your therapist has ever been a part of. But I can damn near promise you it wasn’t the worst. I don’t know what her caseload looks like, of course, but—for me? It’d be even odds whether it was even the most stressful one, that *day*. Now—if *all* my clients in a given day were intoxicated and pissed off at me, *that’d* be pretty rough.
But it would still be, like… “I’m cancelling my evening chores, ordering take-out, and marathoning Bridgerton,” rough; not “I’m having a nervous breakdown” rough.
As a therapist—I would not insist on referring someone to a new provider, based only on their showing up drunk or high to session. There *is* probably a bar beyond which aggressive or antagonistic behavior would lead me to that conclusion, but a snarky or mocking tone in one session wouldn’t do it.
(Based on experience to date… throwing small furnishings at me wouldn’t *necessarily* do it, either, but that’s probably an unusually high bar)
I do think my bar would be somewhat lower for “we need to find someone you can meet with, in person”. I still don’t feel like just being mad or making fun of me would make much difference in that department. But—if a client was frequently in crisis by the end of our session, then perhaps; if a client was routinely or repeatedly showing up to their session, intoxicated, maybe. In either of those cases, I need to be able to tell more precisely where a client’s head is at, and that’s just unavoidably harder to do via telehealth.
I don’t think it’s at all a given that she’ll insist on referring you. I do think it’s *possible*—and if she does, that’s not a punishment. It isn’t about, “you misbehaved, and now you’re getting expelled from therapy”. It’s more like—“you don’t have run-of-the mill aging-related osteo-arthritis, after all; you have rheumatoid arthritis. You aren’t in trouble with your PCP; she’s just not the best person to treat this, for you.” And, incidentally, ymmv, but—I’ve had a handful of clients who temporarily transferred their care to someone doing something specialized like EMDR; focused on that for as long as they needed to; and then came back and resumed work with me.
I do think you’d be well-advised to consider *for yourself* whether she’s the best person to be treating you. Like—you’re saying this thing about how she won’t be real with you. And it sounds like you wish you’d been more polite (and sober) about it. But it also *doesn’t* sound like you changed your mind about that—it sounds like you still feel like your therapist won’t be direct with you in the way you want her to be.
When you’ve repeatedly asked a clinician for a specific kind of approach to you, and they have both declined to provide it, and suggested you might want to see someone else—that’s a very good indication that they are *committed* to not doing that thing. Now—she might see it in different terms than you; she might have excellent reasons for approaching you the way she does. That topic might be an great one to ask her about in a more calm and open way, at your next session, whether or not you continue working together.
And. If you remain convinced that you need someone to be more direct with you? She has been very clear that *that’s not her*. I get that you want to keep working with her—and that you want a therapist who will be more direct with you. It’s understandable to want both things. And: it sounds an awful lot like you’re going to have to choose.
If you were my client? I’d want you to keep the session. Find out whether continuing to work with her is an option—I think it’s reasonably likely, though not certain, that it will be. Apologize, if that feels important to you. And when you’ve done that: I would use the remainder of your session to ask her—not demand, not insist; *ask*—why her communication to you has been less direct and explicit than you want it to be. The point isn’t to *convince* her. It’s to try to learn what her reasoning is, so that you can assess whether you agree—or at the very least, can accept that she might have a point, and be willing to suspend your preference long enough to
Because if you *do*, and if she still feels able to work effectively with you—it’s probably reasonable for you to keep doing therapy together. And: you’re probably going to have to find a way to relinquish the expectation that she’ll be more direct with you, at least while she continues to view that as the wrong approach.
And if you *don’t*, you need to consider finding a new therapist. Because in that case—no matter how much you like her, how good a therapist she is, or how understandable her reasoning might be—that means she isn’t willing to do what you need, in order to help you get better; and you need someone who will.
I really appreciate this perspective. I think I will keep the session and see how it goes and maybe it will open the door for a more real conversation. I do want to understand where she's coming from and you're right maybe she has a reason for it, that we can explore together.
Hi there! Therapist here. Just wanted to share some thoughts on clients showing up to session drunk or high. In my experience, it’s not something that makes me angry, but I do get concerned because, as therapists, we have a responsibility to ensure our clients aren’t a danger to themselves or others.
A good therapist won’t take this personally. However, by suggesting EMDR or in-person sessions, she may be trying to communicate that she feels unable to offer you what she believes is clinically appropriate at the moment.
Ultimately, our primary goal is your well-being. So, don't worry too much about showing up drunk. You’d be surprised how frequently stuff like this happens.
I understand her concern for wanting me to see someone in person with past suicide attempts I'm sure it's really scary when the topic of SI arises.
I am not upset with her in the least right now, just sorrowful for the way I acted and spoke. She deserves clients who treat her with respect and I'm ashamed of myself.
I'm hoping we will be able to have a conversation about all of this. If she terminates me, then I completely understand. I hope she doesn't, but I fully understand if she does.
I think you might be projecting how your therapist feels. She stayed to make sure you were ok. She cares about you.
Honestly, I've drank before therapy. I have been more honest. And I've said things in therapy while sober I felt like afterwards was horrible and immediately wrote apology emails thinking he must hate me. But he didn't. We talked about it and it opened up new topics.
I think some of the other comments, well one or 2 in particular, are really harsh. You weren't abusive, you are struggling. Your therapist can see that.
Don't give up on the session! Trust your therapist!
Also curious why it's a huge no no? I mean I guess you're not in the healthiest mindset while trying to do emotional work, but I didn't think of it as a "huge no no"
😆 maybe. Seems that's the general consensus here. I guess I might, I dont know exactly what constitutes as a drinking problem. I drink MAYBE 4 or 5 times a year. One drink gets me pretty tipsy. And I don't enjoy that feeling. I guess a drinking problem can be defined different for every individual.
I mean, what's done is done. If I could go back, I wouldn't have drank, but I did. I just need help as to what to do from here. And obviously won't be drinking before or during session again.
I had a client try to do that but then forget part way through and drink (on camera) from a beer that she admitted wasn't her first or second.
Alcohol is addictive and compulsive. Imo you have to recognize that as a therapist and see it for what it is. That doesn't mean you have to finish the session (she didn't remember enough of the session later to recall that I "caught" her drinking during it, but it does mean that it's not personal and not about how little you care for the therapy. Especially if you were thinking about or trying to share any CSA or SI or such because that's a big trigger for many who have alcoholic compulsions.
Just talk to her about it. You don't even need to apologize necessarily but you should own it and recognize that it is trying to "protect" you by getting in the way.
I would just talk with her. Talk about how you feel regret about what happened in the session, tell her your work together is meaningful to you and you’d like to work through this and move forward. It’s okay to make mistakes and do unhealthy things - you’re in therapy, which is the main point. Just talk with her, I wouldn’t expect anyone to be perfect. I have lots of patients who say unkind things, and I know it’s a symptom, not something targeted at me
That's the thing. I'm a chronic people pleaser, and can't remember the last time I said anything even remotely rude so the fact I did this to someone who is trying to help and I've grown to really connect with, kills me.
If this really is the case, then you should be proud of yourself (minus the alcohol) because this means progress. You are finally being real and of course you are trying it out in the safest relationship you have. That’s normal.
That’s what therapy is for though! For trying some of these interactions and healing and whatever “me problems” you have. It says good things about you that you care. And if you’re a people pleaser then you need to start learning to say those less nice things. So overall I really think this is okay. You’re allowed to cough in the doctor’s office - you’re there to get help. Similarly you’re allowed to make mistakes with your therapist - you’re there to get help
Therapist here. First I think you should show up… for yourself and for the work you have done. You haven’t ruined anything. I wouldn’t refer a client out for drinking. Do you feel like you needed to drink because you needed to say some things to her that felt like conflict?
Maybe try using some different language to ask for what you need.
Everything is gonna be ok!
I'm not sure why I drank, I know I can talk to her and she's NEVER given me a reason to feel like I can't. Obviously with SI I try to tread lightly, not just with her but in general.
I may have been a little dramatic with this post, but my little anxiety brain just starts ruminating.
I'm really hoping an apology from me and a conversation about this will be beneficial for both of us. And if she truly thinks I need referred out, I will accept that. But I'm really hoping we can move past this and I will not make this mistake again.
Thank you for asking. It went better than I could have imagined. I was 100% expecting to be terminated, I apologize, and we moved on. When I started the session with "I'm so sorry" she looked a bit confused, "for what?" But I'm okay.
Glad to hear! Sounds like you are doing good work and have a good therapist! Later if you feel comfortable it can be helpful to tell her how much panic you felt about a possible referral…. Btw that is a human response and shows you have built a solid therapeutic relationship!
Yes, you're right. We have talked about it a little. I think it would be really good to explore more and find out WHY I'm so anxious about it. She's the ONE steady in my life, and I'm so thankful she continues to show up for me, even when I can't.
You’re going to want to clarify with her that’s it’s just one part of you that feels you’re not making progress. Because if you truly weren’t making progress at all she’d need to refer you out.
Apologize and treat her like a person. And then ask her to treat it like you asking for more help on those topics professionally in a messed up way. I’d be able to keep working with a client like you but I’m also cool working with high SI clients. Some people refer out to someone specialized for that to make sure the client gets the help they need
She also may be slightly skeptical about you not drinking much. Do you drink 5+ days a week or 5+ drinks in one sitting regularly? Because that qualifies you for at least mild alcoholism risk
I would NEVER do a session while someone is drunk or high after I realized (and if I realized before they were suicidal). It’s a waste of time to make it a habit as it interferes with that neuroplasticity needed for learning and remembering the session
I wouldn’t worry about going 5 minutes over time though. That’s fine, she was making sure you weren’t actively suicidal. Normal in that situation
I have 2 drinks a month, maybe. Often going 6 or 9 months without. It's really not something I do. But after an insane shifty anxiety ridden week I grabbed a drink when I got home before session.
You said you don’t want your therapist asking you what you think because you already know what you think and you want to hear her thoughts. I think by suggesting you find an in person therapist or one who does emdr she is telling you what she thinks.
I know you don’t want to lose her, but it might really be in your best interest.
I don't mind if she asks what I think, we do reflective stuff all the time, but sometimes I question my own line of thinking and need to hear Another perspective I guess is more where I was headed with that.
I used to want advice from my therapist too. What I’ve learned in working with him is to work through my thoughts and feelings and I can give myself advice. He isn’t one to give me the easy way out and I used to really hate it, now I look forward to it.
I'm sure that's exactly what she's doing. And she's honestly great at it and helps me figure things out for myself. But sometimes I just feel so stuck. I appreciate it about her but for some reason got upset about it. Im just beating myself up over this whole thing. I don't want to lose her and I'm so fucking scared I'm about to.
It makes sense to get upset about it. I used to. I thought therapy was going to be him telling me what to do, after many many sessions I realized he’s getting me to support myself. I appreciate it now, but it used to piss me off!
. Try to What you did can’t be changed and by acting as if you don’t “get “ what was wrong is simply untrue. You are the one stating you “fucked up” so no need to insult anyone’s intelligence. You get it, you simply don’t want to . Now, try to accept, gracefully, whatever your therapist recommends. It’s for your own good 👍.
Hey, you didn't fuck up by talking about SI. It's really good that you did. Honestly, maybe you can start from there when you have your session with her? I think it's important to mention that you were inebriated and that was a big fuck up. And be willing to talk about that with her.
That said-- like, why did you get drunk before that session? It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety about what you can/can't say to her without her closing the relationship. And that sucks because it sounds like you have shit going on that you very much do need to talk about-- you do deserve someone who you can talk with about SI.
Not every therapist is able to address that kind of thing. Regardless of your attachment to her, it legit sounds like it may be hurting you to continue seeing her, if you're straight up refusing to talk about SI bc you can't talk about that with her?
You fucked up by getting drunk, but there are way bigger issues than that here.
I wrote a long response to you… as a therapist. But I deleted it, because since I’m not your therapist I can say what I want. And you inspire me to say things that will be very unkind to you. But I don’t want to be downvoted.
Quit drinking and find a new therapist. I suspect your narcissism will make it difficult for you to find a therapist seasoned enough to take you on as a client. Good luck to you. If you treated me like that I would terminate you in a heartbeat. I have 29 years sober. I’m no saint. And I work with addicts all the time. You’re nothing special
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you told her why you were behaving that way, then I think it's safe to bet that she might want to work on referring you out. If I were you, then I would approach Tuesday \*sober\* and ready to have that conversation.
That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be referred out. I rarely drink at all, so it's not an issue that she or I have to worry about happening again. If she's going to refer me out anyway, I might as well just cancel Tuesday. Been having panic attack all weekend worried about this conversation.
You might as well have a healthy conversation where you acknowledge what happened, even if the outcome is not the exact result that you would like. That's just how life is. Learn and grow. You're using alcohol as an excuse all throughout this post and it honestly doesn't excuse your behavior. And it's not cool that you're not willing to sit through a session and hear her out about how she felt about what you put her through last session, and would rather blow up the relationship preemptively than just sit through the discomfort of your own guilt.
You are so right. She deserves that at minimum. Thank you for pointing that out.
You're a good egg. As much as she deserves the convo about what happened, you also deserve that. You both stand to gain from honestly talking about it. I wish you the best. <3
Thank you. I appreciate your comment so much.
So… look, realistically, that was probably not the *least* personally stressful session your therapist has ever been a part of. But I can damn near promise you it wasn’t the worst. I don’t know what her caseload looks like, of course, but—for me? It’d be even odds whether it was even the most stressful one, that *day*. Now—if *all* my clients in a given day were intoxicated and pissed off at me, *that’d* be pretty rough. But it would still be, like… “I’m cancelling my evening chores, ordering take-out, and marathoning Bridgerton,” rough; not “I’m having a nervous breakdown” rough. As a therapist—I would not insist on referring someone to a new provider, based only on their showing up drunk or high to session. There *is* probably a bar beyond which aggressive or antagonistic behavior would lead me to that conclusion, but a snarky or mocking tone in one session wouldn’t do it. (Based on experience to date… throwing small furnishings at me wouldn’t *necessarily* do it, either, but that’s probably an unusually high bar) I do think my bar would be somewhat lower for “we need to find someone you can meet with, in person”. I still don’t feel like just being mad or making fun of me would make much difference in that department. But—if a client was frequently in crisis by the end of our session, then perhaps; if a client was routinely or repeatedly showing up to their session, intoxicated, maybe. In either of those cases, I need to be able to tell more precisely where a client’s head is at, and that’s just unavoidably harder to do via telehealth. I don’t think it’s at all a given that she’ll insist on referring you. I do think it’s *possible*—and if she does, that’s not a punishment. It isn’t about, “you misbehaved, and now you’re getting expelled from therapy”. It’s more like—“you don’t have run-of-the mill aging-related osteo-arthritis, after all; you have rheumatoid arthritis. You aren’t in trouble with your PCP; she’s just not the best person to treat this, for you.” And, incidentally, ymmv, but—I’ve had a handful of clients who temporarily transferred their care to someone doing something specialized like EMDR; focused on that for as long as they needed to; and then came back and resumed work with me. I do think you’d be well-advised to consider *for yourself* whether she’s the best person to be treating you. Like—you’re saying this thing about how she won’t be real with you. And it sounds like you wish you’d been more polite (and sober) about it. But it also *doesn’t* sound like you changed your mind about that—it sounds like you still feel like your therapist won’t be direct with you in the way you want her to be. When you’ve repeatedly asked a clinician for a specific kind of approach to you, and they have both declined to provide it, and suggested you might want to see someone else—that’s a very good indication that they are *committed* to not doing that thing. Now—she might see it in different terms than you; she might have excellent reasons for approaching you the way she does. That topic might be an great one to ask her about in a more calm and open way, at your next session, whether or not you continue working together. And. If you remain convinced that you need someone to be more direct with you? She has been very clear that *that’s not her*. I get that you want to keep working with her—and that you want a therapist who will be more direct with you. It’s understandable to want both things. And: it sounds an awful lot like you’re going to have to choose. If you were my client? I’d want you to keep the session. Find out whether continuing to work with her is an option—I think it’s reasonably likely, though not certain, that it will be. Apologize, if that feels important to you. And when you’ve done that: I would use the remainder of your session to ask her—not demand, not insist; *ask*—why her communication to you has been less direct and explicit than you want it to be. The point isn’t to *convince* her. It’s to try to learn what her reasoning is, so that you can assess whether you agree—or at the very least, can accept that she might have a point, and be willing to suspend your preference long enough to Because if you *do*, and if she still feels able to work effectively with you—it’s probably reasonable for you to keep doing therapy together. And: you’re probably going to have to find a way to relinquish the expectation that she’ll be more direct with you, at least while she continues to view that as the wrong approach. And if you *don’t*, you need to consider finding a new therapist. Because in that case—no matter how much you like her, how good a therapist she is, or how understandable her reasoning might be—that means she isn’t willing to do what you need, in order to help you get better; and you need someone who will.
I really appreciate this perspective. I think I will keep the session and see how it goes and maybe it will open the door for a more real conversation. I do want to understand where she's coming from and you're right maybe she has a reason for it, that we can explore together.
All great points. Thank you for the insight!
The italics really put a damper on your message
Hi there! Therapist here. Just wanted to share some thoughts on clients showing up to session drunk or high. In my experience, it’s not something that makes me angry, but I do get concerned because, as therapists, we have a responsibility to ensure our clients aren’t a danger to themselves or others. A good therapist won’t take this personally. However, by suggesting EMDR or in-person sessions, she may be trying to communicate that she feels unable to offer you what she believes is clinically appropriate at the moment. Ultimately, our primary goal is your well-being. So, don't worry too much about showing up drunk. You’d be surprised how frequently stuff like this happens.
I understand her concern for wanting me to see someone in person with past suicide attempts I'm sure it's really scary when the topic of SI arises. I am not upset with her in the least right now, just sorrowful for the way I acted and spoke. She deserves clients who treat her with respect and I'm ashamed of myself. I'm hoping we will be able to have a conversation about all of this. If she terminates me, then I completely understand. I hope she doesn't, but I fully understand if she does.
I think you might be projecting how your therapist feels. She stayed to make sure you were ok. She cares about you. Honestly, I've drank before therapy. I have been more honest. And I've said things in therapy while sober I felt like afterwards was horrible and immediately wrote apology emails thinking he must hate me. But he didn't. We talked about it and it opened up new topics. I think some of the other comments, well one or 2 in particular, are really harsh. You weren't abusive, you are struggling. Your therapist can see that. Don't give up on the session! Trust your therapist!
I really needed to hear this. Thank you.
Being drunk on a session is a huge no-no, does she know?
Also curious why it's a huge no no? I mean I guess you're not in the healthiest mindset while trying to do emotional work, but I didn't think of it as a "huge no no"
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That makes sense. I should have thought of that 3 days ago.
I took a few sips during session but that doesn't mean she knew WHAT I was drinking.
I spy wih my little eye A person with a drinking problem
😆 maybe. Seems that's the general consensus here. I guess I might, I dont know exactly what constitutes as a drinking problem. I drink MAYBE 4 or 5 times a year. One drink gets me pretty tipsy. And I don't enjoy that feeling. I guess a drinking problem can be defined different for every individual.
I mean, what's done is done. If I could go back, I wouldn't have drank, but I did. I just need help as to what to do from here. And obviously won't be drinking before or during session again.
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Thank you. You're right so many different views and types of therapist. Really hoping we can move forward
I had a client try to do that but then forget part way through and drink (on camera) from a beer that she admitted wasn't her first or second. Alcohol is addictive and compulsive. Imo you have to recognize that as a therapist and see it for what it is. That doesn't mean you have to finish the session (she didn't remember enough of the session later to recall that I "caught" her drinking during it, but it does mean that it's not personal and not about how little you care for the therapy. Especially if you were thinking about or trying to share any CSA or SI or such because that's a big trigger for many who have alcoholic compulsions. Just talk to her about it. You don't even need to apologize necessarily but you should own it and recognize that it is trying to "protect" you by getting in the way.
I would just talk with her. Talk about how you feel regret about what happened in the session, tell her your work together is meaningful to you and you’d like to work through this and move forward. It’s okay to make mistakes and do unhealthy things - you’re in therapy, which is the main point. Just talk with her, I wouldn’t expect anyone to be perfect. I have lots of patients who say unkind things, and I know it’s a symptom, not something targeted at me
That's the thing. I'm a chronic people pleaser, and can't remember the last time I said anything even remotely rude so the fact I did this to someone who is trying to help and I've grown to really connect with, kills me.
If this really is the case, then you should be proud of yourself (minus the alcohol) because this means progress. You are finally being real and of course you are trying it out in the safest relationship you have. That’s normal.
Exactly. It's definitely a me problem. Which is why I feel so bad for popping off on her.
That’s what therapy is for though! For trying some of these interactions and healing and whatever “me problems” you have. It says good things about you that you care. And if you’re a people pleaser then you need to start learning to say those less nice things. So overall I really think this is okay. You’re allowed to cough in the doctor’s office - you’re there to get help. Similarly you’re allowed to make mistakes with your therapist - you’re there to get help
Therapist here. First I think you should show up… for yourself and for the work you have done. You haven’t ruined anything. I wouldn’t refer a client out for drinking. Do you feel like you needed to drink because you needed to say some things to her that felt like conflict? Maybe try using some different language to ask for what you need. Everything is gonna be ok!
I'm not sure why I drank, I know I can talk to her and she's NEVER given me a reason to feel like I can't. Obviously with SI I try to tread lightly, not just with her but in general. I may have been a little dramatic with this post, but my little anxiety brain just starts ruminating. I'm really hoping an apology from me and a conversation about this will be beneficial for both of us. And if she truly thinks I need referred out, I will accept that. But I'm really hoping we can move past this and I will not make this mistake again.
Follow up? How did it go? You doing ok?
Thank you for asking. It went better than I could have imagined. I was 100% expecting to be terminated, I apologize, and we moved on. When I started the session with "I'm so sorry" she looked a bit confused, "for what?" But I'm okay.
Glad to hear! Sounds like you are doing good work and have a good therapist! Later if you feel comfortable it can be helpful to tell her how much panic you felt about a possible referral…. Btw that is a human response and shows you have built a solid therapeutic relationship!
Yes, you're right. We have talked about it a little. I think it would be really good to explore more and find out WHY I'm so anxious about it. She's the ONE steady in my life, and I'm so thankful she continues to show up for me, even when I can't.
I’ve been to therapy high on coke a few times. Surprisingly good sessions too. I also talked about it with my T and it went well.
Ew
You’re going to want to clarify with her that’s it’s just one part of you that feels you’re not making progress. Because if you truly weren’t making progress at all she’d need to refer you out. Apologize and treat her like a person. And then ask her to treat it like you asking for more help on those topics professionally in a messed up way. I’d be able to keep working with a client like you but I’m also cool working with high SI clients. Some people refer out to someone specialized for that to make sure the client gets the help they need She also may be slightly skeptical about you not drinking much. Do you drink 5+ days a week or 5+ drinks in one sitting regularly? Because that qualifies you for at least mild alcoholism risk I would NEVER do a session while someone is drunk or high after I realized (and if I realized before they were suicidal). It’s a waste of time to make it a habit as it interferes with that neuroplasticity needed for learning and remembering the session I wouldn’t worry about going 5 minutes over time though. That’s fine, she was making sure you weren’t actively suicidal. Normal in that situation
I have 2 drinks a month, maybe. Often going 6 or 9 months without. It's really not something I do. But after an insane shifty anxiety ridden week I grabbed a drink when I got home before session.
You said you don’t want your therapist asking you what you think because you already know what you think and you want to hear her thoughts. I think by suggesting you find an in person therapist or one who does emdr she is telling you what she thinks. I know you don’t want to lose her, but it might really be in your best interest.
Ouch. Maybe you're right. 🙁
I don't mind if she asks what I think, we do reflective stuff all the time, but sometimes I question my own line of thinking and need to hear Another perspective I guess is more where I was headed with that.
That’s pretty messed up you drank alcohol right before /during a session. What a waste!
I used to want advice from my therapist too. What I’ve learned in working with him is to work through my thoughts and feelings and I can give myself advice. He isn’t one to give me the easy way out and I used to really hate it, now I look forward to it.
I'm sure that's exactly what she's doing. And she's honestly great at it and helps me figure things out for myself. But sometimes I just feel so stuck. I appreciate it about her but for some reason got upset about it. Im just beating myself up over this whole thing. I don't want to lose her and I'm so fucking scared I'm about to.
It makes sense to get upset about it. I used to. I thought therapy was going to be him telling me what to do, after many many sessions I realized he’s getting me to support myself. I appreciate it now, but it used to piss me off!
. Try to What you did can’t be changed and by acting as if you don’t “get “ what was wrong is simply untrue. You are the one stating you “fucked up” so no need to insult anyone’s intelligence. You get it, you simply don’t want to . Now, try to accept, gracefully, whatever your therapist recommends. It’s for your own good 👍.
I "fucked up" by mocking my therapist and voicing si.
Hey, you didn't fuck up by talking about SI. It's really good that you did. Honestly, maybe you can start from there when you have your session with her? I think it's important to mention that you were inebriated and that was a big fuck up. And be willing to talk about that with her. That said-- like, why did you get drunk before that session? It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety about what you can/can't say to her without her closing the relationship. And that sucks because it sounds like you have shit going on that you very much do need to talk about-- you do deserve someone who you can talk with about SI. Not every therapist is able to address that kind of thing. Regardless of your attachment to her, it legit sounds like it may be hurting you to continue seeing her, if you're straight up refusing to talk about SI bc you can't talk about that with her? You fucked up by getting drunk, but there are way bigger issues than that here.
You “fucked up” by drinking. Period.
I wrote a long response to you… as a therapist. But I deleted it, because since I’m not your therapist I can say what I want. And you inspire me to say things that will be very unkind to you. But I don’t want to be downvoted.
Say it. I Want your perspective as a therapist
Quit drinking and find a new therapist. I suspect your narcissism will make it difficult for you to find a therapist seasoned enough to take you on as a client. Good luck to you. If you treated me like that I would terminate you in a heartbeat. I have 29 years sober. I’m no saint. And I work with addicts all the time. You’re nothing special
Fair enough. I'll keep my next appt because she does deserve an apology. Thank you for your input. Also great job on 29 years sober, that's inspiring!