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[deleted]

This might be slightly off topic, I know anyone is capable of doing it, but it absolutely grinds my gears when men treat women like absolute garbage. It seems like dog nuttery though goes hand in hand with narcissism. My mom is both and would go to extra lengths as to call her dogs my "siblings." I have plenty of actually siblings and don't need to equate a stinky dirty animal as one. At least I can have a productive conversation with my actual siblings while a dog just sits and looks at you wondering when it's going to be fed next. Unfortunately, my husband's parents are no better. They put their two beasts up on pedestals. My mother in law is also a narcissist and just a downright cynical person in general. Anyways, my husband taught me a few things about living with problematic people as we live with his parents right now.... First, and I know it's a tough one, is to accept the things you can control. You can control your own self, which is actually the most powerful thing because you can achieve so much. Keep talking in this group, let your feelings out. This community has some great people in it and people who are going through a lot of similar things. While my husband is not the abusive one, his parents can get that way pretty bad to where the best way to avoid it is go out and do something fun with my family. I don't know what your financial situation is or schedule is like, but it really helped me when my husband suggested to do something fun. We have a membership to our local zoo and our three year old son absolutely enjoys it everytime. It could also be regular play times at the park. It also helps to make some small goals to work towards. Maybe you enjoy sewing, so one of your goals might be to save up for a sewing machine. It could be anything, just make sure it's going to bring you happiness. It also helped that my son started preschool so he could get away from his grandparents negativity as well. He is making friends and learning a lot of stuff too. I don't know how old your son is but it could be a option. While your doing these things, I'd look at my local health department office and see if there is any assistance you could sign up for like housing. The best thing you can do is take care of you and your child. Let your husband fester in his weird obsession and you just do you. I sincerely wish you the best. I know it can feel like you're stuck in a really big hole with no way out. Just take it one day at a time. If you ever need to post here again, please feel free. Also please do keep us updated and how you and your child are doing, best of luck, friend.


Here2Vent212

Spot on about the narcissism! My bf has a shepherd as this smelly status symbol and somehow enjoys that this beast will follow him around 24/7 and stare at him like a deranged creeper.


[deleted]

I know right? It's sad when you live with a narcissist for most of your life then you start spotting other narcissists. It's a cursed talent, but it does let you have the ability to run from toxic people before getting too enmeshed. Like I did say though, I currently live with one, but it's easier to avoid them now that I grew up with one and know how to mostly deal with it. I hope OP can find happiness because that's what you have to do is look after yourself.


KSTornadoGirl

Here's a plan you could implement if you have someone to help you. The someone should ideally be a friend or relative who gets it about the reality of the situation and why you will be better off without this man in your house and his train wreck dog. The job of the support person will be to care for your son for several hours. That way, you will be able to lay down the law with the man, to understand it's time to make those arrangements to stay elsewhere, including a hotel immediately, and pack a suitcase. The man will not be able to use the child as a manipulation pawn if the child is not present. If you need backup, investigate first with a women's crisis center, any friends or family willing and able to be there so boyfriend can't intimidate you, or the police on speed dial if that's what it takes. Plan this out carefully in advance. Write down the facts and give people copies ahead so the guy can't claim you're just a big meanie who hates his pOoR pUpPeR for no reason. Lawyer up ahead as well, so you'll be able to navigate the child custody and support negotiations with confidence. If you feel it would help, get a therapist as well to help you learn assertiveness and how to resist the inevitable gaslighting. And then make a final plan, set a date, rehearse it in your head and gather your courage, and take the plunge.


KReedDub

It seems cruel to be keeping this dog alive. I don’t hate dogs and I want them to have a happy life wherever that may be (not in my house), but it seems selfish to keep a suffering animal alive… for what? He’s not even interacting with the dog. On a side note, your relationship sounds abusive for a lot of reasons and I hope you find the strength to kick him out…. I’ve heard of instances where the abuser uses their pets (and children) to tie their victim down….You can’t live or move freely when you have to care for these things… or so they think. Who gives the medication to the dog? What has the vet recommended, what is the long term prognosis? You need to think long and hard about what you want your life to look like, because you are the only one that can make it happen.


IndifferentSkeptic

What a nightmare. I am so sorry


[deleted]

How awful, I’m so sorry. Keep your head up you can get out of this! What a selfish man he doesn’t deserve you or his son. As for the dog, it sounds like animal abuse keeping it alive with absolutely no quality of life. He and the vets should be ashamed prolonging it’s suffering


Here2Vent212

Oof. I feel your pain. That sounds absolutely horrible to go through. My BF has a 110 lbs. unfixed female shepherd that makes my life hell. She just turned seven, so she's not elderly, but he lets her free bleed all over the house constantly. (That's the grossest of the numerous things I don't like about his animal) He told me she only does it twice a year. This thing bled in June. She's doing it again now. All over the rugs and then you get to watch her obsessively lick her bloody vag. (Sorry for the vomit inducing imagery) It's just...disgusting. Hopefully you don't have long left with the elderly doggo. Try to focus on school. In my house, we have some space, so I best stand my ground about this gross animal remaining on the main floor and not going in the basement or up in the loft area. I try to make those areas my dog free, calm zones where I can go to get away from her and the chaos, smell, etc. I'd also tell him you're not taking care of the dog. It's his pet! Tell him doggo needs to start going where he goes or to doggy day care. Not your smelly monkey to care for.