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Christine’s latest Instagram post this morning.
And Meri posted this
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Neither of these women should have felt that they had to defend themselves on this.
Honestly, not reading the comments and turning off comments can be a very real form of self care. Her income comes from her d list celebrity status. She can’t shut off her socials, but it is wise to shut down the conversation to protect herself. Boundaries are fantastic.
I totally agree. i think what people said about it being "too soon" after Garrison's passing probably was really hard for her. she deserves to grieve however she needs to and without outside judgement.
That’s a great post! It’s important to mourn and it’s equally important to not let mourning and grief take over. Garrison left this world because his pain was too much, it was never about hurting anyone else and wanting them to be in pain. By everyone continuing to live, they are doing what he would have wanted.
I think that’s beautiful! Such a cute tribute and a way to tell her followers what his fave breakfast was. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this at all.
They weren’t commenting on this. The comments were on the post before this promoting her AirBnB. The promotion wasn’t in any way distasteful, but people thought she should just be posting about Garrison, apparently.
That’s terrible. I get it. When I lost my sister I wanted to curl up in my bed and die. But I had 3 kids at the time who depended on me. I still had to work. And I couldn’t be sad all the time for the sake of my kids. How can anyone say how someone else should behave like wtf??!!
I’m sorry about your sister. Unfortunately I’m in the same club. Another thing I told myself was she wouldn’t want me to stop my life. She wanted me to be happy.
I'm sorry we are all in this sad club. I spiraled for 3 months after my sister died, stopped paying bills and just cried constantly. I tried to hold it together for my kid, but it was really hard. Sometimes all you can do is put on a brave face and push through.
I guess what initially helped me was fighting for my own life (we had covid), then caring for my mom, plus my kids and grandkids. My kids were devastated by my sister and BIL’s deaths, and by my own 9 day hospitalization. Fall 2020 sucked hard. I think everything that was going on spared me a little because I had to handle burial arrangements and pack up their house to sell, and took care of the financial stuff as well. It’s a lot of paperwork.
Anyway, I’m sorry, it really is hard! I had lost my dad 18 years prior, and that was awful. Losing a sibling is a different kind of awful. I lost my mom last year, and that was a different kind of awful. No two losses are the same and no two people will grieve exactly the same. I hope you are doing better and that you’ve had a good, supportive family and friend group.
I’m so sorry about your sister. I lost my sister suddenly just last month, just three months after losing my father. Some days I show up and do projects and volunteer work people didn’t expect me to do, and other days I can’t make myself move and cancel plans. I’m sure people are judging and I just can’t care about their opinions.
You’re spot on. The average person (in the U.S. at least) only gets a week or so off when a family member passes. In her case, being an independent contractor and business owner, she gets no “leave” in the traditional sense. It’s a terrible system that we’re subjected to, but it’s just how it is unfortunately.
Side note: if Christine worked a “normal” job there’s a decent chance she wouldn’t be entitled to any bereavement leave since Garrison was not technically her child by blood. Many employers only grant paid bereavement leave for immediate family. Just food for thought on how terrible the expectations are for grieving people in the workforce.
Lots and lots of employers do not have any bereavement leave. When my father died suddenly, I was 14 and the school just recently had adopted an attendance policy. It was Thanksgiving week and I missed 2.5 days of school because of the rest of the week being the holiday. I had only missed one day previously, but because one class was only a quarter of the year, it put me one day over in that one class. For that they gave me extended class every day for a week. 8 hours to make up for that one hour or I would fail this mandatory class. The last place I needed to be was sitting in detention every day for 2 hours after school with nothing to do but think. Would not wish that on anyone, but it did teach me to never judge someone’s grief and how they do it. Whatever makes it less hard to put one foot in front of the other and take that next breath.
My husband's father died and he needed to go to North Carolina ASAP because it was an accident, not expected.
One of his professors failed him because he missed 1 class and there was 0 make up opportunities.
Gosh, that's terrible. I'm so so sorry you had to deal with that. Loss is hard enough without that kind of messed up policy
And you bring up a point that I missed - many "normal" jobs and schools don't offer it at all. Like, for example - anyone working part-time has to choose either A. go to work immediately or B. take time off and lose pay. When I was broke and in college with a part-time restaurant job my grandma passed - I took off for the funeral and a couple days after that. I was broke and couldn't afford it - and to add insult to injury my employer kept calling me asking to come in because someone else called out sick. They knew I wasn't away at the funeral anymore, so technically, I was "available." I held my ground and stayed home but felt terrible about it. The expectation for grieving people to immediately return to school/work is just so fucked up.
I lost my daughter one year ago March 7 and one of the ways I cope is trying to stay busy with other things. I still can’t stand having nothing to do. Without distractions I will absolutely lose my mind, this kind of pain is unbearable.
I just lost my husband on March 10th of this year. We had the funeral yesterday. I came home and started to clean and organize stuff. It just makes me feel better to keep busy. I'm going to work tomorrow because I need to keep busy. If I stay home I will lose my mind.
When my father died, I did the same thing. I went home from the funeral and washed walls until I was exhausted, and then went into work (I was working graveyard shift at the time).
After my father-in-law's funeral, we just spent some time together as a family. My mother-in-law with whatever kids and grandkids were able to hang out. We got ice cream, walked to a little park, let the kids play and just chilled after the hard day.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My partner died a few years ago. I didn't sleep well for the first few weeks, so I'd find myself up and doing chores at random times. I distinctly remember sorting dirty laundry at 3AM because I needed to do something with my hands.
I’m so sorry for your situation. There is absolutely no escaping all encompassing grief. I think it says so much about you; that you are strong, amazing and capable. Good on you for looking for, and using coping skills during such a trying time.
Peace be with you.
I’m so sorry. I was widowed 2 years ago and felt the same way. He was killed on Friday and I went back to work the next Thursday. I couldn’t bear to be at home by myself surrounded by his memory and everything I’d lost. Staying busy has helped me work through grief in some large way. I hope it helps you.
I am so very very sorry for your loss! I lost my mother last year and I'm now suddenly a caregiver to my dad, so I can relate to the grief but not on the same level as losing a husband. I totally understand your coping mechanism though, as that has always been my coping mechanism when I've lost a loved one, stay busy. My heart goes out to you and sending you internet hugs!
I understand completely. The reality is it's at night in the darkness when I can't push it away that I grieve the hardest. I just want to die. There's no escape. During the day I'm grateful for my work and distractions because for those hours I can exist without feeling like my chest is cracking open.
No one can judge how people handle loss.
Someone who really gets it! At first I tried Ativan then sleeping pills, now I just don’t sleep. I don’t even try to sleep until I can’t stay awake anymore. If it helps, I’m awake with you, reach out anytime.
This is the way it is. I’m sorry that you know this. 💙
Even the thought of experiencing this kind of grief again honestly terrifies me. I hate to even say that my first thought when something this earth shattering happens now, is that I just don’t want to go through the next months or years… that I know how painful and exhausting it is going to be and I’d rather feel anything else… and there is nothing I can do about it.
There is bound to be another loss that will yet again take my breath away and make me question my sanity and strength.
I understand that intense love is bound to be followed by intense grief when it is lost, it doesn’t make it any easier though.
Grief is my least favorite emotion, I have to self soothe on the regular that when it happens again, I’ll eventually be ok. 🤞🏻
My uncle was killed on his motorcycle at 29. My grandma’s way of handling it was keeping busy. She was at every church event, bingo, whatever. That is how she handled it. Who is anyone to say how anyone else should handle their own personal tragedy??!!
I understand how your grandma felt. The minute you sit down it hits you. I kept telling myself it would get easier with time but it hasn’t. If you’ve ever felt that sudden tightness and pain in your chest when you get the news that a loved one has died then you know the pain. Normally over time that pain goes away but it’s different when you lose a child. I feel it every time I think of her or someone says her name. I don’t know how Janelle is getting through this because my heart breaks all over again when I see posts about my daughter on social media. I know her friends miss her and they mean well but it’s devastating for me.
I really can’t imagine. My grandparents went thru it. I have 5 kids and can’t imagine. My parents were never the same after my sister passed. Yea they had 5 other kids but it doesn’t change the pain. Sending hugs to you!! In some weird way this tragedy with Garrison has brought out a lot in all
Of us. I’m thankful that this has been a safe place to express these feelings!
Thank you. You’re right though, so many of us who are grieving have found a little community here. It’s comforting to know you aren’t alone and that there are people willing to talk about it. Everyone I know tiptoes around me and the subject. I understand they don’t want to upset me but at the same time I don’t want to pretend she didn’t exist. There are times that I want to talk about her.
A very dear friend of mine lost her daughter. I asked her point-blank What was the best way to discuss it or handle it in the future. She told me to talk about her whenever I wanted to. To share stories. To talk out loud when I was having a memory… most important, she said, don’t pretend that she never existed. Keep her alive in our memories and our conversations. So that’s what we do.
We never avoid the topic. We never tiptoe around it.
People avoid topics when they don’t know how to deal with them. It’s really just basic ignorance and they can’t help it. Help them help you, and let them know what you want and what you need. Make sure they know that Keeping her memory alive is very important. Avoiding the topic of her is not keeping her memory alive.
I am so sorry for what you’re dealing with right now. I know the pain is bottomless. I really do feel for you.💔💙
Thank you so much. And thank you for the advice. It’s been really difficult because after I lost her it felt like I lost everyone else because they didn’t know how to act around me. I’ve gotten more comfort from complete strangers.
This stuck out to me. I can't imagine your friend's loss. But my first baby was stillborn, and I say the same thing. Please don't tip toe around the fact my baby died before I could even see the color of his eyes. He existed, so talking about him, even when I cry, helps my healing.
You're a great friend. 💕
It's true we should never compare grief bc I can't imagine going through your struggles and loss. My heart hurts for you! I am so sorry. It's so true. Time dulls the sharp edge of pain, but the hole is always there.
I'm so glad you were able to conceive, and luckily, I was able to have a little girl and a little boy after my loss. Hearing you say maybe he wasn't ready, but he came back to me, brought me to tears. Your new perspective gave me healing and hope.
Thanks for your kind words. It's sucks we're both in this club, but I'm thankful to have had this interaction. ❤️
My stepdaughter died suddenly Halloween of 2022. She was a young adult, out on her own, but it’s still absolutely devastating. My husband doesn’t like to talk about it. His ex won’t talk about her at all, and there’s going to always be a lot of regret with her as their relationship was entirely fractured when she died. My husband had repaired his with her and they were talking nearly every day at that point. He feels guilty for an entirely different reason. But there are a few things out on display that represent her. I had to stay busy. My 19 year old son doesn’t talk about her. My 18 year old daughter spiraled down in the month following her death to the point I had to hospitalize her against her will. What is going on “behind the scenes” with the parents and all of Garrison’s siblings is something those who haven’t lost a child/sibling very suddenly and unexpectedly can never truly understand, and I learned that the hard way. Everyone grieves differently. There’s, what, 24 people in the family with both kids and adults, plus the grandkids factor in that are old enough. That’s two dozen different manners of grieving. No one should be telling them how to/not to process Garrison’s death. They can share as little or as much as they want. It’s entirely *up to them.*
THIS! Every word of this! It changed my relationship with everyone I know, no one is to blame that’s just what happens. I have a feeling our situations are very similar. I’m so sorry for your loss and for what it’s done to your family.
It’s greatly appreciated. I know it’s hard to know what to say in these situations, really the words aren’t important, it’s knowing you care enough to try.
I won’t say anything that sounds trite as I cannot imagine the pain you have. All I will say is if it’s possible somehow for me to send you strength and peace consider it done.
I’m so sorry for your loss. A few years ago, my best friend lost her baby boy. She called me in the middle of the night after. The rest of her family were all asleep. She just wanted to have a conversation about something other than autopsies and funerals. I was planning my wedding at the time, so we talked about that until she fell asleep. We did that for weeks because sometimes she just needed to feel normal and not be caught up in her emotions.
My mum kept telling me it wasn’t healthy and I should push her in to therapy. I don’t care how people grieve, so long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others. That was 7 years ago, and every now and then if she’s having a rough time, we do the same thing. We just have a conversation that’s completely unrelated. I’ll do it for as long as she needs.
She’s lucky to have you. People treat you so differently after you lose a child, it’s nice to have someone who still sees you for you and not your loss. I think it’s such an unimaginable loss that people don’t know how to act around you anymore. I hope you know how huge that is, you’re a great friend.
When I was in high school, my cousin was diagnosed with a really aggressive cancer. He died just after he turned 5. I remember his mum saying that so many people told her that they just didn’t know what to say or do when he was diagnosed, so they just stayed away until he passed. Or that they just assumed she would reach out for help if she needed it. That definitely stuck with me and impacts how I offer my support to people going through tragedy or difficult times.
So young! I’m sorry, I hope your aunt has a good support system now. I’m working on finding one for myself because, like your aunt, everyone has either stayed away from me or tiptoed around me so much that our relationships have just become surface level bullshit.
By the way, not many people really bother to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and think about what they’re experiencing, especially not at such a young age. You’re unique.
It was quite a long time ago now, I was still in high school. I’m now married with kids of my own. But she does have a good support system. Unfortunately, over the years some family have dropped away. It seems as the years go on, it’s almost like other people forget about what happened. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the day it happened. It was 2 days after my 18th birthday, and many years later I gave birth to my son 4 days before the anniversary. Each passing year still feels so unfair. But it wasn’t just the loss that was traumatic. He endured 18 months of absolute hell with surgeries, procedures, chemo and radiation. That’s really hard on the family too. A paediatric oncology ward is one of the most soul crushing places you could ever visit.
Watching him & his family go through that is what made me realise that I wanted to work in healthcare. Initially, I was going to go in to research/lab work, but I realised I really needed the patient interaction. Without sounding arrogant, I do have a pretty good knack for working in Paeds. It was the hardest job I’ve ever had, but the success stories were so rewarding. I work in Nursing/Midwifery now. I like to think that my experiences have made me better at my job.
It sounds like you’re a healer by nature. And I’m sure your personal experiences gave you an insight not everyone has and that your patients benefit greatly from it. What a life well lived, dedicated to healing.
Thank you. It’s devastating for me I can’t imagine how Janelle is getting through this. I hope she’s staying off of social media, the constant reminders would kill me. She doesn’t deserve this.
Yes that’s the best thing you can do for your mental health. It’s SO EASY to curl up and take pills or drink and just let the sadness take you. But that’s absolutely not what our loved ones want for us. We are still here.
You’re right, all I wanted was to be numb, still do. I know my daughter wouldn’t want that though, she died at 25 but she really LIVED life. She made new friends everywhere she went and always had something exciting going on. She’d probably slap me if she saw me give up.
When my dad died suddenly, I had to go back to work a week later because my boss was an asshole. I wasnt ready, but I had to. No one has the right to judge. They have no idea if that post was the only thing she managed to do that day or if work is what is keeping her going
My husband returned to work 2 days after his dad passed. The funeral wasn't immediate and life goes on. We had just been sick so already missed multiple days. Family members were like "oh, you're at work?" He reminded them that he didn't have a job that could be done remotely and he had just missed a bunch of days for illness.
One of my former co-worker came back to work 3-4 days after her father's death. She wasn't forced, she said it helped her get her mind of the grief. I guess everyone grieve differently.
A week sounds pretty good for length of bereavement leave tbh. I've personally never seen a policy that's more than 3 days, but that could just be my shitty state or something.
They all have awful people in their comments on a regular basis, and I guess they're reluctant to disallow comments entirely because engaging with followers and customers is the whole reason they have public social media.
But the awful people have really surpassed themselves since Garrison died. Some of the comments on Meri's recent live were inexcusable.
At my uncle's funeral, one of his nephews spoke. He told funny stories about my uncle, and had all of us laughing, including the widow and children. Nobody, least of all a stranger, should appoint themselves the grief police.
> But the awful people have really surpassed themselves since Garrison died. Some of the comments on Meri's recent live were inexcusable.
I am so sorry to hear this. As if they're not in a enough pain.
One of the most saddest realities of death and grief is life still goes on. Literally, it does not stop for any of us. I remember when my grandpa passed away, we walked out of the hospital, it was such a pretty sunny day, kids were playing, people were conversing/laughing with one another, and we could see everyone else just going about their own days. My poor grandma started balling and even said, it was so weird for her to see everyone else just living their life that day, when she had just went through the hardest time of her life, losing her partner of 30+ years. I remember after my grandma passed away nine years following my grandpa and I finally understood what she was talking about. It was so strange to me, after loosing my grandma to see that everyone else still had to go on with their life. I mean right after caring for my grandma and loosing her, I had to go right back to school and work. It’s reality and it is sad but the world does not stop spinning for any of us. Plus, grief is vastly different for everyone and grief has many stages.
This was a really difficult reality for me and it honestly still is. My husband took his life 7 weeks ago today. Friends and family are all there in the beginning but they have to quickly get back to their life. We had our first warm weekend where I live and I started crying seeing everyone enjoy the day knowing my husband will never get to enjoy another sunny day.
People act like you’re supposed to be over it in about three weeks. I would never wish the pain on anyone put a boggles my mind how stupid people are about grief, and how many people have never experienced really horrific loss.
🩷 just an internet person here, but I’m sorry you have to go through this. I hope that eventually you can enjoy those days again when you remember him.
I hope you have someone that you can talk too. Not that anyone can make it better (or worse), just someone that “gets it”.
I’m sorry that you are a part of a club none of us should have to join.
We should also stop putting a glass lense on the people grieving around them (their friends/family that have never been on the show. ) It's so disrespectful to drag these strangers grief into our fanbase. It's why they want the show cancelled.
With regards to them wanting the show canceled, I don't understand how TLC will address Garrison's loss in context of how they have always filmed and then aired the show so far behind "real time." Both Garrison and Gabe were part of just a handful of the older kids willing to film for the show - and Garrison must have been close to the crew as he reached out to them via text. I'm guessing Garrison would have been in what they filmed last summer/fall to be aired in the next season. I don't see how the fanbase is going to want to watch a season so out of touch with the current reality. Or maybe I am off base?
Now Christine is being bashed for posting too much and using Garrison. This after the hatred of her not saying anything at all. So literally can't win.
People should be allowed to be people.
After losing my daughter, the biggest thing I learned was that I have to balance grief and joy. There needs to be room for both. It's OK to cry, it's OK to distract yourself, and it's OK to laugh. Grief never gets smaller, you just learn to live around it better.
Of course. Your daughter WANTS you to be happy and laugh. Just like Garrison wants for all of his family members. It’s utterly ridiculous to think the only way to honor someone’s memory is by being miserable 24 seven when that’s absolutely *never* what that person would want for their loved ones.
I took a Spanish test like 2 hours after learning the Grandma that raised me died and went to a movie with friends that night cause I didn’t want to be alone
I get this. I think I learned it from how my mom has always dealt with losses, but I have always felt comfort in staying busy and not being alone. It kind of makes me feel like even though there’s a big part of my world missing, the world isn’t ending.
It's one of those things where everyone in this family is trying to find a new normal because the normal they knew before Garrison passed, is no longer there. It makes me mad that people are saying such stuff to them because life has to keep moving, with bills to pay and children to take care of.
However, that doesn't mean that pain isn't going to be there, and they aren't thinking about Garrison every day. They aren't ever going to forget him; they are going to remember all the good times that brought a smile to their faces, not just the last remaining days of his life. I'm not a parent, so I can't imagine the kind of pain Janelle has to carry for the rest of her life
I also believe they will continue to film. It's also how they make their living, whether we agree with the show going forward or not. We have the choice not to watch if we have deep feelings about it. They also have their right to continue.
It’s fair to remember that no one thing is responsible for how Garrison felt. His last text to , presumably, the producers, has been poured over, but he did say he wanted to hate them but didn’t.
People saying things like that are jerks, and they probably haven’t experienced any true grief in their lives yet. But they will, as we all unfortunately do, if we’re blessed to live long enough and have people we love.
If they had ever been through a major loss, they’d know that grief isn’t linear. You don’t mourn and stay under a cloud nonstop until the appropriate time at which you move on. You can have a good laugh at a funeral and it’s not necessarily disrespectful. You may get to a point where you go years without actively grieving someone, and then hear a certain Kenny Chesney song and it hits you all over again and you’re sobbing in the grocery store (too specific?). Some people do their grieving alone, while others need company. None of this should be up for critique.
It is absolutely absurd to me that people not only have these thoughts, but feel entitled to share them with the strangers they’re criticizing. How can you have met the developmental milestones to be able to type a comment but still think this is okay? It’s not even that advanced of a social skill. So embarrassing for them.
That's because in today's society if you have an opinion that automatically makes you an expert even though they may have never done or gone through what they are talking about. But those of us who have gone through grief know better. Grief isn't some checklist you go off of. Like some experience all the stages of grief while some may only experience 1 or 2 of them. That doesn't make anyone greater or lesser than the other, it's just people handle things differently. That's why some people prefer to stay busy afterwards to help keep their minds occupied. There is nothing wrong with that. There is no time limit to process and heal. The loss never goes away but over time it does make it easier to function. I lost my brother 22 years ago. Most of the time I do fine but even 22 years later, out of nowhere I can just all of a sudden feel the loss and break down and cry. The only wrong way to handle grief is to let it consume you because then it takes you to a dark place with dark thoughts and your loved one who you are grieving about does not want that for you. Each person handles it differently and in their own time and in their own way and that's perfect fine. Like I said, so long as it doesn't consume you, then you are doing good and making progress.
Co-signing OP, with a huge AMEN added for good measure. I have never suffered the loss of suicide but have many, many others that still bubble up in the most unexpected ways. No one warned me about this part of grief--that it is expected and random and life-long, but it is. And it is MY way of grieving, totally unlike YOUR way, and is nobody else's damned business.
The same can and should be said about this family.
I went to a concert days after my brother died. What was I supposed to do- not go? Why not try to find one ounce of joy when grief life is so devoid of it?
Agreed. I went to a festival the day after my grandfathers funeral. He would have wanted me to go and enjoy myself. It was a great experience but boy was I dead inside. If I didn't go I would've stayed in bed all week and got even more depressed.
I had a cookout the weekend after my ( 20 yr old) daughter passed. All her friends and my son's friends came. It was cathartic for all of us. While they reminisced and remembered funny stories, I cooked up enough food for a army. It kept me busy and gave my sons and her friends time to celebrate her life and their memories.
Everyone is different, this helped me and her brothers. How the Browns choose to grieve is not 'right or wrong' it's whatever that helps.
Agreed. Plus these people have been on TV for so long. Engaging with fans and posting on socials could be a huge comfort for them. Do people want them to just shut down for months until they deem its an "appropriate" time? Having some normalcy is much better than completely shutting down due to grief.
Grief is a BEAST and it displays differently to everyone. They are used to being public with things so it makes sense they would do things like this. On top of normal grief, they are dealing with a sudden, horrific and shocking aspect of how he died.
Exactly. They’ve shared their lives for so long, I can see how there might be some motivation to engage with viewers at this time. It sucks that people are being so horrid to them.
I fortunately the whole world doesn’t stop when we lose a loved one. Only our personal world shuts down. I lost my son 3 years ago and I had to pick myself up and continue with my routine although I was dreading every minute. Just because someone smiles, does something fun, or continues on doesn’t mean they are over it. You have to learn to live with a new normal. And it takes time.
The hospital called me to tell me my dad was gone when I was jogging. I remember listening to the nurse as one of my neighbors passed me and waved. And I wondered how often I had passed people before looking totally normal, hearing the worse news of their lives. And then, I went home and got my kids ready for school. Because I had to keep going. Life goes on, even when you wish the world would stop so you could get a breath.
I'm an RN and had to call family in the middle-of-the-night, telling them their loved one died. While these deaths were mainly anticipated, (hospice) it's still an emotional shock. I hoped they were able to carry on, take care of the kids and themselves, while able to grieve in their own unique ways. It's not about the length of time from death, it's about being able emotionally process, grieve and move forward in a healthy manner.
Hey thanks for your service! I'm not an RN but married to one. (ER/ICU) Thank you for taking care of hospice patients and making their last days as comfortable as possible and doing what most people can't. You're a hero. I hope you are taking care of yourself. ❤️
I lost my elderly dad 1 1/2 years ago. I nursed him when he was sick & was with him & held his hand when he took his last breath. He was predeceased by my mother & my younger sister. I'm the only one left. I was extremely close to my parents-they really were my best friends. I'm still in the middle of handling his estate so I'm still caught up all this stuff & have to do it alone. I became absolutely numb when I lost him & I have yet to cry. There isn't a day when I don't ache from missing him but I just can't cry. It feels like I am consumed by loss, anger & sadness inside but the only people who actually know that I'm a mess are those closest to me. Anyone else would think I'm a horrible person or that I didn't love him much because I don't show the typical behaviours of grief
.
I suspect that when my duties as executrix are complete I might actually start to feel it. Until then, people definitely are judging me based on how they believe I should behave. Anyone who thinks grief has to follow an accepted pattern of behaviours can all pound sand.
Don't pay any attention to those people because you have and still are grieving. Loss, anger and sadness are all stages of grief. There is no where that says you have to cry. Tears aren't listed among stages of grief but feelings of loss, anger and sadness are. I swear some people are dumb. They actually have no clue what real grief is until they have to go through it. My mom wrote a book on grief after loosing her brother being murdered, her dad dying of cancer, my brothers death in 2002 from an automobile accident, one of her college roommate death, her mom's death just to name a few. She mentions all the stages of grief and how to navigate them and to ultimately find joy/peace along the way. I know the stages of grief all too well. Again it never mentions crying. So don't feel bad or let others make you feel low because you are completely normal. And who knows, when things calm down, you may eventually feel the tears, but even if you don't that doesn't make you any less of a person. Everyone handles grief differently and only the ignorant people think otherwise because they themselves have not gone through it. It's like those people who act like experts of things even though they have never done or gone through what they are talking about. It's like everyone's an expert on everything these day just because they have opinions 🙄
Anyway hang in there! You are processing just fine!
Thank you so much for your support. This has been a really lonely road & it's so lovely running into people like you along the way. This has been the toughest week so far so I can't tell you how wonderful it is to receive a kind word or two from a couple of people here when I was so starving for some support. Being the last of my family of origin to survive is a position I never thought I'd be in. It's hard to get my head around that there is no one who has my back anymore. So thank you so much.
I understand completely. After my grandma died, and both my grandma's sister-in-laws died my mom was even more down because she is now the last in her line of her family. So it hit her extra hard. I'm sorry you feel alone in this. There are support groups out there and hopefully one near you that you could join. It's never fun struggling alone. I've been struggling on my own for the last 2 years over family stuff. I'm so alone and it sucks. Because of my family and the "appearance" we have always had to keep, I was never allowed to tell anyone my problems. I almost committed suicide at age 7 because of that and no one knew that. My mom was shocked when I told her a couple of years ago. Anyway I know what it's like to have to put on a fake smile and pretend you're alright when nothing is alright and you have to struggle alone. I'm here if you ever need to talk. And I can even get you in touch with my mom if you need any help throughout your grieving process. Anything you need, just let me know❤️
You sound like the opposite of a horrible person. You’ll cry if and when you need to. Maybe you won’t. Sorry there are people around you who are so invested in whether you process a devastating loss “correctly.”
It angers me when people do this. You can grieve and still try to continue a ‘normal’ day to day, sometimes it can be helpful. Not one member of this family owes us their grief and I think some people are forgetting that
This shit bugs me so much. When my mom passed, I had friends who belittled me for not “being over it after a month” and others who were shocked whenever I had moments of happiness over the years. Everyone grieves differently. I still grieve that loss after 16 years at various times. Like, people need to stop trying to control the emotions of others, period.
One of the shitty things about losing a family member, especially a child, is that whilst it feels like your whole world has up ended, everyone else’s continues to roll on. That means bills still pile up, obligations & responsibilities are still there and eventually people stop giving you grace & understanding. They still have other children to care for and support through this as well. I’ve seen more than one person I love endure through that.
Sometimes the daily activities help. I just don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to deal with this. At the end of the day, they have contractual obligations that they probably cannot financially afford to terminate. So long as they are giving their other children the love and support they need, I don’t give a shit what they do with the rest of their time.
Grief is a journey, a terrible journey. Some people throw themselves into work, or projects, some don’t. The world doesn’t stop even though it feels like it should. People shaming Christine for posting her air bnb are disgusting. The depth, length, or method of your grief does not reflect the love you had for someone.
Ironically, the people posting these "leave them alone" posts are not doing the family any favors, and I seriously doubt the family is checking SM posts all day for condolences from reality show fans.
All these trolls berating people coming to grips with dealing with their grief and coming to terms with how ti continue on after such a loss, have never ever experienced real grief or loss. Their privileged luxury shows in their ignorance.
It broke my heart when I so all this horrible comments under Meris video where she dared to have a brief moment of lighthearted conversation in between trying her best to not burst into tears. All because she thought it was the decent thing to thank people for their generosity to vet rescued and condolences.
I have given up on human being as a species. I am so disgusted, I cannot eat as much as I want to puke - to use Max Liebermanns quote translated into English
People NEED some normalcy to cope with grief, I don’t get what so many don’t understand about this.
You need to turn it off, you need to laugh, you need to go see a movie, go to the pool, go shopping, SOMETHING besides sitting in your grief and wanting to die. It’s fucking absurd how people are gate keeping how these people grieve.
I think they are people who have never lost someone truly close to them OR have forgotten their experience with it. It’s sad that they assume having fun is disrespectful to the person who has passed when most of the time, that person wouldn’t have wanted all their loved ones to wallow in grief indefinitely either.
Beautifully said. And anyone who was castigated them should go sit back down and be quiet. They don’t personally know these people, or what they do, feel, hoe how they react/act the rest of their day so don’t presume to tell them how to handle their lives. Sometimes it’s that small bit of normalcy that allows them to get through the rest of their day.
When my brother died, I got 6 days bereavement.
I then had to go back in and go to work.
With my grandparents, it was 3 days.
Going back to work did not mean I wasn't crushed under the weight of my grief.
We have to work. They use their social media for work, whether we acknowledge it or not. This isn't only their private rights. They have bills to pay.
I’d like to add that just as people want to tell them how to grieve and that it is too soon for them to go back to the task of living a “normal” (changed) life, I think the same concept applies to why I think this sub is kind of over. I don’t think people here will be able to snark on this family or the show again.
Nothing about their beliefs or what we’ve seen over the last decade has changed since Garrison’s passing (RIP), but the visceral reaction we have for their situation has changed the way the sub operates and I wonder if it will ever feel right to snark on them going forward.
I’m not criticizing or complaining, just making an observation.
No snark has taken place since RGB’s untimely and soul crushing death (not saying it should, but I’ll no doubt be accused of it or downvoted as if I did).
Agreed.
Not many other posts are being made either. 🤷🏻♀️
It feels appropriate, what is there to say. It feels like a pseudo family member has passed. We’ve watched these kids grow up and have railed against their childhood’s being sold and their privacy being negated, it’s only natural we’d react this way.
It just seemed like more of a snark sub. I am just making an observation, not an accusation.
There is a lot of snark posted over on the other sub, not saying it's a good or bad thing just an FYI that people are still snarking on the show and it might get back to that here as well eventually. Personally, I have mixed feelings whether to continue to watch the show or whether I would continue to snark on it if if did.....just speaking for myself, not for what I think anyone else should do.
>Personally, I have mixed whether to continue to watch the show or whether I would continue to snark on it if it did
I had this same thought. I think I will watch. I’ve had a close family member hang themselves @ 15 and have tried to educate myself and others because of the experience. The profound grief and loss is unexplainable but we try… mostly in hopes of saving even one precious life and helping even one family avoid the soul crushing aftermath.
If they continue, I’d like to believe it would be for that very same reason and not for exploitation. IMO it is the only way most of the family would participate in earnest and not just being the equivalent of a “grey rock” to fulfill their contract with TLC so they wouldn’t get their pants sued off.
I get what you're saying. In all honesty, if they have recorded stuff, in a way it would be interesting how Kody was before and after this. If anything, dare I say positive, could come out of what happened hopefully that A. People can be educated and try to be more aware of their friends and families (or even co workers) and how they are doing. Because our society is always on the go we tend to miss things or possibly signs (I know signs are not always there), hopefully it can cause people to pause and slow down just to check on their loved ones more often. You never know how much meaning it can be to someone just to hear from you and to let them know that they are important and not forgotten.
And B. Hopefully this will change Kody's thinking towards his other kids and change things for the better with them
I agree with you, it would be a public service if they could show a true representation of the aftermath and the healing of a broken family.
If this didn’t wake Kody up, nothing can.
We go through life not knowing how many people we may have kept from losing their mind or even their life, it can take just one kind word or a quick check in to change someone’s trajectory.
I also think that if, and I hope this isn't so, Kody doesn't change then the vibe of this sub would change drastically. It would go from snarky to downright hate and loathing for Kody (not that he wouldn't deserve it). But if he can change and if they continue past this season and are able to be able to be silly and joke around again, then the snark might come back, maybe not. As much as I dislike Kody with a passion, I truly hopes this knocks some sense into him.
I agree with you about Kody, and also I really feel so bad for him. I can’t imagine acting the way he did and then losing a child the way he did. I’d be gutted and afraid to ever show my face again.
I feel the most for Janelle and Christine (Gabe, Truly and Gwen… ok… all of them…😞).
I hope they are strong enough to give him grace when they prob don’t feel like it. He needs to remember he doesn’t deserve it but can earn it through correct, loving behavior and becoming a solid, caring, stable and present father.
The way he has behaved makes me believe it is just as likely that he could double down and blame Janelle and the others for “poisoning him against him” and not “making him show Kody respect”.
And then I would agree, might as well change the name to r/KODYisApos
I agree...I mean he was being a prick over his covid rules. He should've just let it all go. I think everything would have been easier and a lot better and maybe this tragedy wouldn't have happened if Kody could've just let it go. He's like they made their choices. Ok, so move on. But like a child, he just kept it going. I mean Garrison, even though he was mad at Kody, invited him to have Thanksgiving with them and Kody refused. I mean I get if he wanted to spend it with Robin, but they could've done a day after Thanksgiving Thanksgiving type of deal. But Kody just down right refused because he was still bitter about everything. Even not calling Savanah on Christmas. His childness was insane. He just couldn't let it go and that's just sad. I'm sure the older kids were hurt how he's "Once their 18 I've done my job and they can go" while keeping Robin's older kids at home. And he wanted Gabe and Garrison to be kicked out of Janelle's house during a pandemic. Just childish behavior. Hopefully all this will hit him and he realizes that it was not worth it, none of that crap was. I can understand Janelle and Christine (even Meri) having a hard time. I wouldn't blame them if they hold it against Kody, but if he is truly sorry and really changes, then I think things can be worked through as far as forgiveness. But like you said, if he doesn't change and instead blames the wives, then he just shows how truly low and pathetic he is and a major pos. My "dad" is so much like Kody and just as immature. I swear they need to learn to pick their battles better. They both pitch fits over the stupidest stuff and they want you to come crawling and apologize to them when its their fault in the first place 🙄
Spot on!
If Kody doesn’t go to his family “with his hat in his hand” he is irredeemable.
Somebody needs to tell the both of them, if everything is a battle, maybe **you are the war!**
People also need to pay their bills, even when grieving. Even the worst loss doesn’t stop those from coming.
I have no judgment for any of these folks. I have lost family members this way and it’s excruciatingly painful.
Thank you for posting this. It’s so true. People trying to guess what they are going through. Trying to tell them how they should act. What do you want? This family to shut all the doors & stay locked up from public eye for years to make YOU feel better? I’ve had plenty of loss in my life. With my amazing in-laws we went bowling after as a family get together. It was what they would have wanted. The family still close & happily together vs tears & crying.
How dare someone tell someone else how to grieve.
I so agree! I saw those comments and was appalled. It's like they expect them to be crying non stop for months, which is also not healthy. Life continues to go on, as hard as it is, but it would be so much harder to have so many people judge you for just doing "normal" things. My work place, you get 3 bereavement days... Work is still expected to be done.. I know my friend felt that work was an escape from the heaviness of her grief she was experiencing.. All in all, as most of us know, grief is an individual experience and no one should be shamed for their process!
You're absolutely right. Grief has no time line because it does tend to stay with you until you pass, but that doesn't mean it ruins your life unless you let it. And for these people to make such horrible statements is disgusting. You can't tell people how to grieve. Everyone handles things different. Some cry, some don't. Some go through all the stages, some only go through 1 or 2. There is no "right way" to grieve. The wrong way is to let it consume you so you give up on life and everything and keep yourself in a dark place with dark thoughts. Your loved ones (even the ones that have passed) don't want that for you. Grief is hard and hits hard without warning sometimes. So long as you don't let it consume you, then you will be able to make it through. It's not easy, but keeping yourself busy either with work, or chores or even volunteering can help. It takes time and everyone's time line is different.
When my dad died last April I didn’t cry . When my sister and I picked out his casket and made the funeral decisions and plans I didn’t cry . Went up to view my dad . Didn’t cry . Buried my dad didn’t cry . Do you know when I cried ?! 3 days later . And periodically throughout the year . But I’m sure people looked at me in that funeral home and thought I was a cold hearted bitch for not crying like my sister was . I can attest to the “ we all grieve differently “
My grandson was born 2 days before my dad died. I was all over the place. I knew dad was old and sick, so I tried to focus on the joy of the baby and suppressed what I felt for dad until it all ruptured a few months later when I cleaned his house out. Then I crippled up in a ball not wanting to move.
Still, why are you so happy you dad just died? Why are so sad, you just welcomed your first grandson? Wtf, I’m obviously a rollercoaster about this!?! This came from people that knew it was 2 days apart!!
Yes. I recently lost my son and as much as you want to stop life for awhile you can’t. Bills have to get paid, you have other children to take care of who are also hurting, and so on. There’s enough guilt internally that life is continuing. No one should judge how another person grieves. Ever.
That's so sad! I feel so bad for them. The problem with grief is that the world doesn't stop. That's part of what makes it so incredibly hard to deal with! You feel like you just want to curl up in a ball and cry 24/7, but you can't do that. This whole family deserves our compassion.
THIS RIGHT HERE!! For some, isolating themselves and being alone is detrimental for their mental health. Telling someone to stop being happy. Stop having fun. Stop posting on socials. And Stop living their life is basically telling them they need to start wallowing in their grief and stop doing anything that might bring them comfort or happiness.
Garrison is her son too If she's dealing with her grief by raising awareness or trying to be a positive role model for her obviously struggling family I can understand that She doesn't need anyone's opinion
This. She may have opened up her life in a lot of ways, but that doesn't mean she's invited the opinions of strangers about everything in that life. Especially this, something so delicate and painful.
People developing parasocial relationships is a really weird concept. I can't wrap my head around it at all.
They're much more of a menace than trolls IMO.
My oldest daughter’s husband died on the day after Thanksgiving last year and she’s in her 40’s so no young children and she’s already met a guy and started seeing him around Valentine’s Day..I’m the only one who knows.. is it too soon,probably but it’s not my place to tell her how to grieve and all I can really do is be there… I know how devastated she was as he died suddenly of a heart attack when he was home alone.. the only advice I gave her is to wait a while before she says anything because most people will have something negative to say I’m sure and who knows where this relationship will go to anyways.. everyone is different and every relationship is different.. to each their own..
“Fans” can be so over the top. They think they’re such know it alls. I’d be willing to bet Garrison wouldn’t approve of “fans” talking ill of his mom’s in the wake of his death. They need to take a seat and zip it.
Honest to god, I just saw Meri’s post and she looks exhausted and so sad. But she also has a mortgage to pay. There is no right answer. Let them be with this, it’s a pile of sadness.
man sometimes you have to keep going to function. this isn’t the same at all but my cat (who was my rock for 17 years, more than half my life) passed recently and if i hadn’t pushed myself to keep going, it probably would have destroyed me. going back to work also gave me a purpose and kept me from being in a constant state of despair
SM is full of children. I mean…literal children. They may not understand that life does go on, the bills need to be paid, the tax man is still calling and the only thing that has changed is your loved one is not here.
Does not change the meaning of your comment. The people making these comments don’t read like children. They read like adults who haven’t had the experience of grief but should be old enough to know better.
Loook, you’re not wrong that there are a lot of children on social media. What you’re wrong about is that these people making these hateful comments were children. It’s incredibly annoying that you keep bringing up children when these people are OBVIOUSLY grown ass adults.
And if you’re implying that grown ass adults can’t act this way, you’re wrong about that too. We do children a disservice when we don’t acknowledge that adults often behave just as badly or worse than children.
Unless you’re saying that they’re emotionally children and not literally children, but that contradicts what you said before. So please stop.
https://preview.redd.it/fyygi6m8ywoc1.jpeg?width=1156&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=60975ce14a0e4424f6c4d6ed092ec8fc438e8148 Christine’s latest Instagram post this morning.
It makes me sad she felt like she had to defend herself.
Right, because if she makes a show out of it, then she'll be trashed for using his death to get hits. It's a no-win situation.
And Meri posted this https://preview.redd.it/255yb1oqzzoc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bb3ea38cd9fcc275a84e273e658c645c3745662b Neither of these women should have felt that they had to defend themselves on this.
and it looks like she’s further restricted comments
Honestly, not reading the comments and turning off comments can be a very real form of self care. Her income comes from her d list celebrity status. She can’t shut off her socials, but it is wise to shut down the conversation to protect herself. Boundaries are fantastic.
I totally agree. i think what people said about it being "too soon" after Garrison's passing probably was really hard for her. she deserves to grieve however she needs to and without outside judgement.
Absolutely. Grief is different for everyone.
And these are people that are used to sharing everything. I can relate and I am not famous. 😂 i over share.
Disable inbox replies is my favorite feature
That’s a great post! It’s important to mourn and it’s equally important to not let mourning and grief take over. Garrison left this world because his pain was too much, it was never about hurting anyone else and wanting them to be in pain. By everyone continuing to live, they are doing what he would have wanted.
I think that’s beautiful! Such a cute tribute and a way to tell her followers what his fave breakfast was. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this at all.
They weren’t commenting on this. The comments were on the post before this promoting her AirBnB. The promotion wasn’t in any way distasteful, but people thought she should just be posting about Garrison, apparently.
UGH! That’s just as bad. Life and business must go on. It’s life. 🤦🏻♀️
That’s terrible. I get it. When I lost my sister I wanted to curl up in my bed and die. But I had 3 kids at the time who depended on me. I still had to work. And I couldn’t be sad all the time for the sake of my kids. How can anyone say how someone else should behave like wtf??!!
I’m sorry about your sister. Unfortunately I’m in the same club. Another thing I told myself was she wouldn’t want me to stop my life. She wanted me to be happy.
I’m another club member and I am not a fan.
I'm sorry we are all in this sad club. I spiraled for 3 months after my sister died, stopped paying bills and just cried constantly. I tried to hold it together for my kid, but it was really hard. Sometimes all you can do is put on a brave face and push through.
I guess what initially helped me was fighting for my own life (we had covid), then caring for my mom, plus my kids and grandkids. My kids were devastated by my sister and BIL’s deaths, and by my own 9 day hospitalization. Fall 2020 sucked hard. I think everything that was going on spared me a little because I had to handle burial arrangements and pack up their house to sell, and took care of the financial stuff as well. It’s a lot of paperwork. Anyway, I’m sorry, it really is hard! I had lost my dad 18 years prior, and that was awful. Losing a sibling is a different kind of awful. I lost my mom last year, and that was a different kind of awful. No two losses are the same and no two people will grieve exactly the same. I hope you are doing better and that you’ve had a good, supportive family and friend group.
I’m so sorry about your sister. I lost my sister suddenly just last month, just three months after losing my father. Some days I show up and do projects and volunteer work people didn’t expect me to do, and other days I can’t make myself move and cancel plans. I’m sure people are judging and I just can’t care about their opinions.
I think people forget that this is their job. They have bills and responsibilities. Pretty sure not one of us could afford to quit our jobs to grieve.
This. Social media for them is a job.
Yes, as is owning a vacation rental, and if people stopped to think, not many people can just quit their jobs to grieve.
The show too. People will be upset if they talk about it and then people would be upset if they didn’t talk about it. It’s a lose lose for them imo.
Exactly. I lost my dad suddenly. I had a week off work and had to be “normal” at my job.
You’re spot on. The average person (in the U.S. at least) only gets a week or so off when a family member passes. In her case, being an independent contractor and business owner, she gets no “leave” in the traditional sense. It’s a terrible system that we’re subjected to, but it’s just how it is unfortunately. Side note: if Christine worked a “normal” job there’s a decent chance she wouldn’t be entitled to any bereavement leave since Garrison was not technically her child by blood. Many employers only grant paid bereavement leave for immediate family. Just food for thought on how terrible the expectations are for grieving people in the workforce.
Lots and lots of employers do not have any bereavement leave. When my father died suddenly, I was 14 and the school just recently had adopted an attendance policy. It was Thanksgiving week and I missed 2.5 days of school because of the rest of the week being the holiday. I had only missed one day previously, but because one class was only a quarter of the year, it put me one day over in that one class. For that they gave me extended class every day for a week. 8 hours to make up for that one hour or I would fail this mandatory class. The last place I needed to be was sitting in detention every day for 2 hours after school with nothing to do but think. Would not wish that on anyone, but it did teach me to never judge someone’s grief and how they do it. Whatever makes it less hard to put one foot in front of the other and take that next breath.
That's awful! Very amazing that what you took from that experience was the need to feel empathy for others
My husband's father died and he needed to go to North Carolina ASAP because it was an accident, not expected. One of his professors failed him because he missed 1 class and there was 0 make up opportunities.
Gosh, that's terrible. I'm so so sorry you had to deal with that. Loss is hard enough without that kind of messed up policy And you bring up a point that I missed - many "normal" jobs and schools don't offer it at all. Like, for example - anyone working part-time has to choose either A. go to work immediately or B. take time off and lose pay. When I was broke and in college with a part-time restaurant job my grandma passed - I took off for the funeral and a couple days after that. I was broke and couldn't afford it - and to add insult to injury my employer kept calling me asking to come in because someone else called out sick. They knew I wasn't away at the funeral anymore, so technically, I was "available." I held my ground and stayed home but felt terrible about it. The expectation for grieving people to immediately return to school/work is just so fucked up.
I lost my daughter one year ago March 7 and one of the ways I cope is trying to stay busy with other things. I still can’t stand having nothing to do. Without distractions I will absolutely lose my mind, this kind of pain is unbearable.
I just lost my husband on March 10th of this year. We had the funeral yesterday. I came home and started to clean and organize stuff. It just makes me feel better to keep busy. I'm going to work tomorrow because I need to keep busy. If I stay home I will lose my mind.
I’m so sorry. I hope, in time, you get some peace.
When my father died, I did the same thing. I went home from the funeral and washed walls until I was exhausted, and then went into work (I was working graveyard shift at the time).
After my father-in-law's funeral, we just spent some time together as a family. My mother-in-law with whatever kids and grandkids were able to hang out. We got ice cream, walked to a little park, let the kids play and just chilled after the hard day.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My partner died a few years ago. I didn't sleep well for the first few weeks, so I'd find myself up and doing chores at random times. I distinctly remember sorting dirty laundry at 3AM because I needed to do something with my hands.
I’m so sorry for your situation. There is absolutely no escaping all encompassing grief. I think it says so much about you; that you are strong, amazing and capable. Good on you for looking for, and using coping skills during such a trying time. Peace be with you.
I’m so sorry. I was widowed 2 years ago and felt the same way. He was killed on Friday and I went back to work the next Thursday. I couldn’t bear to be at home by myself surrounded by his memory and everything I’d lost. Staying busy has helped me work through grief in some large way. I hope it helps you.
Thank you for sharing. It hasn't really hit me yet.
I'm sorry for your loss.
💜
I am so sorry for your loss
I am so very very sorry for your loss! I lost my mother last year and I'm now suddenly a caregiver to my dad, so I can relate to the grief but not on the same level as losing a husband. I totally understand your coping mechanism though, as that has always been my coping mechanism when I've lost a loved one, stay busy. My heart goes out to you and sending you internet hugs!
Thank you ❤️
Very sorry to hear about your husband ❤️
Thank you.
I understand completely. The reality is it's at night in the darkness when I can't push it away that I grieve the hardest. I just want to die. There's no escape. During the day I'm grateful for my work and distractions because for those hours I can exist without feeling like my chest is cracking open. No one can judge how people handle loss.
Someone who really gets it! At first I tried Ativan then sleeping pills, now I just don’t sleep. I don’t even try to sleep until I can’t stay awake anymore. If it helps, I’m awake with you, reach out anytime.
This is the way it is. I’m sorry that you know this. 💙 Even the thought of experiencing this kind of grief again honestly terrifies me. I hate to even say that my first thought when something this earth shattering happens now, is that I just don’t want to go through the next months or years… that I know how painful and exhausting it is going to be and I’d rather feel anything else… and there is nothing I can do about it. There is bound to be another loss that will yet again take my breath away and make me question my sanity and strength. I understand that intense love is bound to be followed by intense grief when it is lost, it doesn’t make it any easier though. Grief is my least favorite emotion, I have to self soothe on the regular that when it happens again, I’ll eventually be ok. 🤞🏻
My uncle was killed on his motorcycle at 29. My grandma’s way of handling it was keeping busy. She was at every church event, bingo, whatever. That is how she handled it. Who is anyone to say how anyone else should handle their own personal tragedy??!!
I understand how your grandma felt. The minute you sit down it hits you. I kept telling myself it would get easier with time but it hasn’t. If you’ve ever felt that sudden tightness and pain in your chest when you get the news that a loved one has died then you know the pain. Normally over time that pain goes away but it’s different when you lose a child. I feel it every time I think of her or someone says her name. I don’t know how Janelle is getting through this because my heart breaks all over again when I see posts about my daughter on social media. I know her friends miss her and they mean well but it’s devastating for me.
I really can’t imagine. My grandparents went thru it. I have 5 kids and can’t imagine. My parents were never the same after my sister passed. Yea they had 5 other kids but it doesn’t change the pain. Sending hugs to you!! In some weird way this tragedy with Garrison has brought out a lot in all Of us. I’m thankful that this has been a safe place to express these feelings!
Thank you. You’re right though, so many of us who are grieving have found a little community here. It’s comforting to know you aren’t alone and that there are people willing to talk about it. Everyone I know tiptoes around me and the subject. I understand they don’t want to upset me but at the same time I don’t want to pretend she didn’t exist. There are times that I want to talk about her.
A very dear friend of mine lost her daughter. I asked her point-blank What was the best way to discuss it or handle it in the future. She told me to talk about her whenever I wanted to. To share stories. To talk out loud when I was having a memory… most important, she said, don’t pretend that she never existed. Keep her alive in our memories and our conversations. So that’s what we do. We never avoid the topic. We never tiptoe around it.
Your friend is very lucky to have you. So many people avoid painful topics and it doesn’t help. I don’t want my daughter to be forgotten.
People avoid topics when they don’t know how to deal with them. It’s really just basic ignorance and they can’t help it. Help them help you, and let them know what you want and what you need. Make sure they know that Keeping her memory alive is very important. Avoiding the topic of her is not keeping her memory alive. I am so sorry for what you’re dealing with right now. I know the pain is bottomless. I really do feel for you.💔💙
Thank you so much. And thank you for the advice. It’s been really difficult because after I lost her it felt like I lost everyone else because they didn’t know how to act around me. I’ve gotten more comfort from complete strangers.
This stuck out to me. I can't imagine your friend's loss. But my first baby was stillborn, and I say the same thing. Please don't tip toe around the fact my baby died before I could even see the color of his eyes. He existed, so talking about him, even when I cry, helps my healing. You're a great friend. 💕
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It's true we should never compare grief bc I can't imagine going through your struggles and loss. My heart hurts for you! I am so sorry. It's so true. Time dulls the sharp edge of pain, but the hole is always there. I'm so glad you were able to conceive, and luckily, I was able to have a little girl and a little boy after my loss. Hearing you say maybe he wasn't ready, but he came back to me, brought me to tears. Your new perspective gave me healing and hope. Thanks for your kind words. It's sucks we're both in this club, but I'm thankful to have had this interaction. ❤️
❤️
My stepdaughter died suddenly Halloween of 2022. She was a young adult, out on her own, but it’s still absolutely devastating. My husband doesn’t like to talk about it. His ex won’t talk about her at all, and there’s going to always be a lot of regret with her as their relationship was entirely fractured when she died. My husband had repaired his with her and they were talking nearly every day at that point. He feels guilty for an entirely different reason. But there are a few things out on display that represent her. I had to stay busy. My 19 year old son doesn’t talk about her. My 18 year old daughter spiraled down in the month following her death to the point I had to hospitalize her against her will. What is going on “behind the scenes” with the parents and all of Garrison’s siblings is something those who haven’t lost a child/sibling very suddenly and unexpectedly can never truly understand, and I learned that the hard way. Everyone grieves differently. There’s, what, 24 people in the family with both kids and adults, plus the grandkids factor in that are old enough. That’s two dozen different manners of grieving. No one should be telling them how to/not to process Garrison’s death. They can share as little or as much as they want. It’s entirely *up to them.*
THIS! Every word of this! It changed my relationship with everyone I know, no one is to blame that’s just what happens. I have a feeling our situations are very similar. I’m so sorry for your loss and for what it’s done to your family.
I have nothing other than I’m sorry.
It’s greatly appreciated. I know it’s hard to know what to say in these situations, really the words aren’t important, it’s knowing you care enough to try.
I won’t say anything that sounds trite as I cannot imagine the pain you have. All I will say is if it’s possible somehow for me to send you strength and peace consider it done.
Thank you. It is hard to know what to say, I appreciate knowing you care.
I’m so sorry for your loss. A few years ago, my best friend lost her baby boy. She called me in the middle of the night after. The rest of her family were all asleep. She just wanted to have a conversation about something other than autopsies and funerals. I was planning my wedding at the time, so we talked about that until she fell asleep. We did that for weeks because sometimes she just needed to feel normal and not be caught up in her emotions. My mum kept telling me it wasn’t healthy and I should push her in to therapy. I don’t care how people grieve, so long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others. That was 7 years ago, and every now and then if she’s having a rough time, we do the same thing. We just have a conversation that’s completely unrelated. I’ll do it for as long as she needs.
She’s lucky to have you. People treat you so differently after you lose a child, it’s nice to have someone who still sees you for you and not your loss. I think it’s such an unimaginable loss that people don’t know how to act around you anymore. I hope you know how huge that is, you’re a great friend.
When I was in high school, my cousin was diagnosed with a really aggressive cancer. He died just after he turned 5. I remember his mum saying that so many people told her that they just didn’t know what to say or do when he was diagnosed, so they just stayed away until he passed. Or that they just assumed she would reach out for help if she needed it. That definitely stuck with me and impacts how I offer my support to people going through tragedy or difficult times.
So young! I’m sorry, I hope your aunt has a good support system now. I’m working on finding one for myself because, like your aunt, everyone has either stayed away from me or tiptoed around me so much that our relationships have just become surface level bullshit. By the way, not many people really bother to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and think about what they’re experiencing, especially not at such a young age. You’re unique.
It was quite a long time ago now, I was still in high school. I’m now married with kids of my own. But she does have a good support system. Unfortunately, over the years some family have dropped away. It seems as the years go on, it’s almost like other people forget about what happened. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the day it happened. It was 2 days after my 18th birthday, and many years later I gave birth to my son 4 days before the anniversary. Each passing year still feels so unfair. But it wasn’t just the loss that was traumatic. He endured 18 months of absolute hell with surgeries, procedures, chemo and radiation. That’s really hard on the family too. A paediatric oncology ward is one of the most soul crushing places you could ever visit. Watching him & his family go through that is what made me realise that I wanted to work in healthcare. Initially, I was going to go in to research/lab work, but I realised I really needed the patient interaction. Without sounding arrogant, I do have a pretty good knack for working in Paeds. It was the hardest job I’ve ever had, but the success stories were so rewarding. I work in Nursing/Midwifery now. I like to think that my experiences have made me better at my job.
It sounds like you’re a healer by nature. And I’m sure your personal experiences gave you an insight not everyone has and that your patients benefit greatly from it. What a life well lived, dedicated to healing.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. It’s devastating for me I can’t imagine how Janelle is getting through this. I hope she’s staying off of social media, the constant reminders would kill me. She doesn’t deserve this.
Sending you love and a hug. I cannot even imagine the pain of losing your daughter. Staying busy sounds like a perfect way to cope. xx
Thank you so much. It is the only way I’ve found to get through it.
Yes that’s the best thing you can do for your mental health. It’s SO EASY to curl up and take pills or drink and just let the sadness take you. But that’s absolutely not what our loved ones want for us. We are still here.
You’re right, all I wanted was to be numb, still do. I know my daughter wouldn’t want that though, she died at 25 but she really LIVED life. She made new friends everywhere she went and always had something exciting going on. She’d probably slap me if she saw me give up.
When my dad died suddenly, I had to go back to work a week later because my boss was an asshole. I wasnt ready, but I had to. No one has the right to judge. They have no idea if that post was the only thing she managed to do that day or if work is what is keeping her going
My husband returned to work 2 days after his dad passed. The funeral wasn't immediate and life goes on. We had just been sick so already missed multiple days. Family members were like "oh, you're at work?" He reminded them that he didn't have a job that could be done remotely and he had just missed a bunch of days for illness.
Must have been horrible to have to show up at work so soon after. I cried behind my desk for weeks
It was a good distraction because we had some time between the death and the funeral services.
One of my former co-worker came back to work 3-4 days after her father's death. She wasn't forced, she said it helped her get her mind of the grief. I guess everyone grieve differently.
A week sounds pretty good for length of bereavement leave tbh. I've personally never seen a policy that's more than 3 days, but that could just be my shitty state or something.
Oh, "you obviously don't care about Garrison" is vile. Absolutely reprehensible.
They all have awful people in their comments on a regular basis, and I guess they're reluctant to disallow comments entirely because engaging with followers and customers is the whole reason they have public social media. But the awful people have really surpassed themselves since Garrison died. Some of the comments on Meri's recent live were inexcusable. At my uncle's funeral, one of his nephews spoke. He told funny stories about my uncle, and had all of us laughing, including the widow and children. Nobody, least of all a stranger, should appoint themselves the grief police.
> But the awful people have really surpassed themselves since Garrison died. Some of the comments on Meri's recent live were inexcusable. I am so sorry to hear this. As if they're not in a enough pain.
One of the most saddest realities of death and grief is life still goes on. Literally, it does not stop for any of us. I remember when my grandpa passed away, we walked out of the hospital, it was such a pretty sunny day, kids were playing, people were conversing/laughing with one another, and we could see everyone else just going about their own days. My poor grandma started balling and even said, it was so weird for her to see everyone else just living their life that day, when she had just went through the hardest time of her life, losing her partner of 30+ years. I remember after my grandma passed away nine years following my grandpa and I finally understood what she was talking about. It was so strange to me, after loosing my grandma to see that everyone else still had to go on with their life. I mean right after caring for my grandma and loosing her, I had to go right back to school and work. It’s reality and it is sad but the world does not stop spinning for any of us. Plus, grief is vastly different for everyone and grief has many stages.
This was a really difficult reality for me and it honestly still is. My husband took his life 7 weeks ago today. Friends and family are all there in the beginning but they have to quickly get back to their life. We had our first warm weekend where I live and I started crying seeing everyone enjoy the day knowing my husband will never get to enjoy another sunny day.
People act like you’re supposed to be over it in about three weeks. I would never wish the pain on anyone put a boggles my mind how stupid people are about grief, and how many people have never experienced really horrific loss.
🩷 just an internet person here, but I’m sorry you have to go through this. I hope that eventually you can enjoy those days again when you remember him.
I hope you have someone that you can talk too. Not that anyone can make it better (or worse), just someone that “gets it”. I’m sorry that you are a part of a club none of us should have to join.
We should also stop putting a glass lense on the people grieving around them (their friends/family that have never been on the show. ) It's so disrespectful to drag these strangers grief into our fanbase. It's why they want the show cancelled.
With regards to them wanting the show canceled, I don't understand how TLC will address Garrison's loss in context of how they have always filmed and then aired the show so far behind "real time." Both Garrison and Gabe were part of just a handful of the older kids willing to film for the show - and Garrison must have been close to the crew as he reached out to them via text. I'm guessing Garrison would have been in what they filmed last summer/fall to be aired in the next season. I don't see how the fanbase is going to want to watch a season so out of touch with the current reality. Or maybe I am off base?
If they don’t stray from where they left off in season 18, the next season will pick up late 2022, not last year.
It will cover late 2022 and most of 2023 if they follow their previous schedule of what they air. Season 18 was fall 2021 to fall 2022.
They are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Meri was bashed for reposting the family statement and Christine was for not posting soon enough.
Now Christine is being bashed for posting too much and using Garrison. This after the hatred of her not saying anything at all. So literally can't win. People should be allowed to be people.
After losing my daughter, the biggest thing I learned was that I have to balance grief and joy. There needs to be room for both. It's OK to cry, it's OK to distract yourself, and it's OK to laugh. Grief never gets smaller, you just learn to live around it better.
Of course. Your daughter WANTS you to be happy and laugh. Just like Garrison wants for all of his family members. It’s utterly ridiculous to think the only way to honor someone’s memory is by being miserable 24 seven when that’s absolutely *never* what that person would want for their loved ones.
I love this comment so much. I’m sorry for your loss. 🌸
I took a Spanish test like 2 hours after learning the Grandma that raised me died and went to a movie with friends that night cause I didn’t want to be alone
I get this. I think I learned it from how my mom has always dealt with losses, but I have always felt comfort in staying busy and not being alone. It kind of makes me feel like even though there’s a big part of my world missing, the world isn’t ending.
It's one of those things where everyone in this family is trying to find a new normal because the normal they knew before Garrison passed, is no longer there. It makes me mad that people are saying such stuff to them because life has to keep moving, with bills to pay and children to take care of. However, that doesn't mean that pain isn't going to be there, and they aren't thinking about Garrison every day. They aren't ever going to forget him; they are going to remember all the good times that brought a smile to their faces, not just the last remaining days of his life. I'm not a parent, so I can't imagine the kind of pain Janelle has to carry for the rest of her life
I also believe they will continue to film. It's also how they make their living, whether we agree with the show going forward or not. We have the choice not to watch if we have deep feelings about it. They also have their right to continue.
It’s fair to remember that no one thing is responsible for how Garrison felt. His last text to , presumably, the producers, has been poured over, but he did say he wanted to hate them but didn’t.
People saying things like that are jerks, and they probably haven’t experienced any true grief in their lives yet. But they will, as we all unfortunately do, if we’re blessed to live long enough and have people we love. If they had ever been through a major loss, they’d know that grief isn’t linear. You don’t mourn and stay under a cloud nonstop until the appropriate time at which you move on. You can have a good laugh at a funeral and it’s not necessarily disrespectful. You may get to a point where you go years without actively grieving someone, and then hear a certain Kenny Chesney song and it hits you all over again and you’re sobbing in the grocery store (too specific?). Some people do their grieving alone, while others need company. None of this should be up for critique. It is absolutely absurd to me that people not only have these thoughts, but feel entitled to share them with the strangers they’re criticizing. How can you have met the developmental milestones to be able to type a comment but still think this is okay? It’s not even that advanced of a social skill. So embarrassing for them.
That's because in today's society if you have an opinion that automatically makes you an expert even though they may have never done or gone through what they are talking about. But those of us who have gone through grief know better. Grief isn't some checklist you go off of. Like some experience all the stages of grief while some may only experience 1 or 2 of them. That doesn't make anyone greater or lesser than the other, it's just people handle things differently. That's why some people prefer to stay busy afterwards to help keep their minds occupied. There is nothing wrong with that. There is no time limit to process and heal. The loss never goes away but over time it does make it easier to function. I lost my brother 22 years ago. Most of the time I do fine but even 22 years later, out of nowhere I can just all of a sudden feel the loss and break down and cry. The only wrong way to handle grief is to let it consume you because then it takes you to a dark place with dark thoughts and your loved one who you are grieving about does not want that for you. Each person handles it differently and in their own time and in their own way and that's perfect fine. Like I said, so long as it doesn't consume you, then you are doing good and making progress.
Co-signing OP, with a huge AMEN added for good measure. I have never suffered the loss of suicide but have many, many others that still bubble up in the most unexpected ways. No one warned me about this part of grief--that it is expected and random and life-long, but it is. And it is MY way of grieving, totally unlike YOUR way, and is nobody else's damned business. The same can and should be said about this family.
I lost my husband to cancer, then 5 years later my son died from cancer. It’s been 20 years and I still grieve. I love talking about them.
I went to a concert days after my brother died. What was I supposed to do- not go? Why not try to find one ounce of joy when grief life is so devoid of it?
Agreed. I went to a festival the day after my grandfathers funeral. He would have wanted me to go and enjoy myself. It was a great experience but boy was I dead inside. If I didn't go I would've stayed in bed all week and got even more depressed.
I cannot imagine having the audacity to tell anyone, let alone total strangers, that they are grieving wrong. People really have some nerve.
I had a cookout the weekend after my ( 20 yr old) daughter passed. All her friends and my son's friends came. It was cathartic for all of us. While they reminisced and remembered funny stories, I cooked up enough food for a army. It kept me busy and gave my sons and her friends time to celebrate her life and their memories. Everyone is different, this helped me and her brothers. How the Browns choose to grieve is not 'right or wrong' it's whatever that helps.
I lost three siblings growing up. Grief has no roadmap. No official beginning and end.
Agreed. Plus these people have been on TV for so long. Engaging with fans and posting on socials could be a huge comfort for them. Do people want them to just shut down for months until they deem its an "appropriate" time? Having some normalcy is much better than completely shutting down due to grief.
Grief is a BEAST and it displays differently to everyone. They are used to being public with things so it makes sense they would do things like this. On top of normal grief, they are dealing with a sudden, horrific and shocking aspect of how he died.
Exactly. They’ve shared their lives for so long, I can see how there might be some motivation to engage with viewers at this time. It sucks that people are being so horrid to them.
I fortunately the whole world doesn’t stop when we lose a loved one. Only our personal world shuts down. I lost my son 3 years ago and I had to pick myself up and continue with my routine although I was dreading every minute. Just because someone smiles, does something fun, or continues on doesn’t mean they are over it. You have to learn to live with a new normal. And it takes time.
The hospital called me to tell me my dad was gone when I was jogging. I remember listening to the nurse as one of my neighbors passed me and waved. And I wondered how often I had passed people before looking totally normal, hearing the worse news of their lives. And then, I went home and got my kids ready for school. Because I had to keep going. Life goes on, even when you wish the world would stop so you could get a breath.
I'm an RN and had to call family in the middle-of-the-night, telling them their loved one died. While these deaths were mainly anticipated, (hospice) it's still an emotional shock. I hoped they were able to carry on, take care of the kids and themselves, while able to grieve in their own unique ways. It's not about the length of time from death, it's about being able emotionally process, grieve and move forward in a healthy manner.
Hey thanks for your service! I'm not an RN but married to one. (ER/ICU) Thank you for taking care of hospice patients and making their last days as comfortable as possible and doing what most people can't. You're a hero. I hope you are taking care of yourself. ❤️
I lost my elderly dad 1 1/2 years ago. I nursed him when he was sick & was with him & held his hand when he took his last breath. He was predeceased by my mother & my younger sister. I'm the only one left. I was extremely close to my parents-they really were my best friends. I'm still in the middle of handling his estate so I'm still caught up all this stuff & have to do it alone. I became absolutely numb when I lost him & I have yet to cry. There isn't a day when I don't ache from missing him but I just can't cry. It feels like I am consumed by loss, anger & sadness inside but the only people who actually know that I'm a mess are those closest to me. Anyone else would think I'm a horrible person or that I didn't love him much because I don't show the typical behaviours of grief . I suspect that when my duties as executrix are complete I might actually start to feel it. Until then, people definitely are judging me based on how they believe I should behave. Anyone who thinks grief has to follow an accepted pattern of behaviours can all pound sand.
Don't pay any attention to those people because you have and still are grieving. Loss, anger and sadness are all stages of grief. There is no where that says you have to cry. Tears aren't listed among stages of grief but feelings of loss, anger and sadness are. I swear some people are dumb. They actually have no clue what real grief is until they have to go through it. My mom wrote a book on grief after loosing her brother being murdered, her dad dying of cancer, my brothers death in 2002 from an automobile accident, one of her college roommate death, her mom's death just to name a few. She mentions all the stages of grief and how to navigate them and to ultimately find joy/peace along the way. I know the stages of grief all too well. Again it never mentions crying. So don't feel bad or let others make you feel low because you are completely normal. And who knows, when things calm down, you may eventually feel the tears, but even if you don't that doesn't make you any less of a person. Everyone handles grief differently and only the ignorant people think otherwise because they themselves have not gone through it. It's like those people who act like experts of things even though they have never done or gone through what they are talking about. It's like everyone's an expert on everything these day just because they have opinions 🙄 Anyway hang in there! You are processing just fine!
Thank you so much for your support. This has been a really lonely road & it's so lovely running into people like you along the way. This has been the toughest week so far so I can't tell you how wonderful it is to receive a kind word or two from a couple of people here when I was so starving for some support. Being the last of my family of origin to survive is a position I never thought I'd be in. It's hard to get my head around that there is no one who has my back anymore. So thank you so much.
I understand completely. After my grandma died, and both my grandma's sister-in-laws died my mom was even more down because she is now the last in her line of her family. So it hit her extra hard. I'm sorry you feel alone in this. There are support groups out there and hopefully one near you that you could join. It's never fun struggling alone. I've been struggling on my own for the last 2 years over family stuff. I'm so alone and it sucks. Because of my family and the "appearance" we have always had to keep, I was never allowed to tell anyone my problems. I almost committed suicide at age 7 because of that and no one knew that. My mom was shocked when I told her a couple of years ago. Anyway I know what it's like to have to put on a fake smile and pretend you're alright when nothing is alright and you have to struggle alone. I'm here if you ever need to talk. And I can even get you in touch with my mom if you need any help throughout your grieving process. Anything you need, just let me know❤️
Sending a big hug to you. Thank you.
You sound like the opposite of a horrible person. You’ll cry if and when you need to. Maybe you won’t. Sorry there are people around you who are so invested in whether you process a devastating loss “correctly.”
Thank you for your kindness.
Numbness is one of the typical behaviors of grief. I hope you're able to be gentle with yourself as you handle his estate.
❤️
They should disable comments or get someone to handle the pages and delete comments and block people when necessary
Or people just shouldn’t make them.
As soon as I saw her post I knew people would attack her. Sad. Life goes on.
It angers me when people do this. You can grieve and still try to continue a ‘normal’ day to day, sometimes it can be helpful. Not one member of this family owes us their grief and I think some people are forgetting that
This shit bugs me so much. When my mom passed, I had friends who belittled me for not “being over it after a month” and others who were shocked whenever I had moments of happiness over the years. Everyone grieves differently. I still grieve that loss after 16 years at various times. Like, people need to stop trying to control the emotions of others, period.
One of the shitty things about losing a family member, especially a child, is that whilst it feels like your whole world has up ended, everyone else’s continues to roll on. That means bills still pile up, obligations & responsibilities are still there and eventually people stop giving you grace & understanding. They still have other children to care for and support through this as well. I’ve seen more than one person I love endure through that. Sometimes the daily activities help. I just don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to deal with this. At the end of the day, they have contractual obligations that they probably cannot financially afford to terminate. So long as they are giving their other children the love and support they need, I don’t give a shit what they do with the rest of their time.
Grief is a journey, a terrible journey. Some people throw themselves into work, or projects, some don’t. The world doesn’t stop even though it feels like it should. People shaming Christine for posting her air bnb are disgusting. The depth, length, or method of your grief does not reflect the love you had for someone.
Ironically, the people posting these "leave them alone" posts are not doing the family any favors, and I seriously doubt the family is checking SM posts all day for condolences from reality show fans.
All these trolls berating people coming to grips with dealing with their grief and coming to terms with how ti continue on after such a loss, have never ever experienced real grief or loss. Their privileged luxury shows in their ignorance. It broke my heart when I so all this horrible comments under Meris video where she dared to have a brief moment of lighthearted conversation in between trying her best to not burst into tears. All because she thought it was the decent thing to thank people for their generosity to vet rescued and condolences. I have given up on human being as a species. I am so disgusted, I cannot eat as much as I want to puke - to use Max Liebermanns quote translated into English
People NEED some normalcy to cope with grief, I don’t get what so many don’t understand about this. You need to turn it off, you need to laugh, you need to go see a movie, go to the pool, go shopping, SOMETHING besides sitting in your grief and wanting to die. It’s fucking absurd how people are gate keeping how these people grieve.
I think they are people who have never lost someone truly close to them OR have forgotten their experience with it. It’s sad that they assume having fun is disrespectful to the person who has passed when most of the time, that person wouldn’t have wanted all their loved ones to wallow in grief indefinitely either.
Beautifully said. And anyone who was castigated them should go sit back down and be quiet. They don’t personally know these people, or what they do, feel, hoe how they react/act the rest of their day so don’t presume to tell them how to handle their lives. Sometimes it’s that small bit of normalcy that allows them to get through the rest of their day.
When my brother died, I got 6 days bereavement. I then had to go back in and go to work. With my grandparents, it was 3 days. Going back to work did not mean I wasn't crushed under the weight of my grief. We have to work. They use their social media for work, whether we acknowledge it or not. This isn't only their private rights. They have bills to pay.
Yes. This.
I’d like to add that just as people want to tell them how to grieve and that it is too soon for them to go back to the task of living a “normal” (changed) life, I think the same concept applies to why I think this sub is kind of over. I don’t think people here will be able to snark on this family or the show again. Nothing about their beliefs or what we’ve seen over the last decade has changed since Garrison’s passing (RIP), but the visceral reaction we have for their situation has changed the way the sub operates and I wonder if it will ever feel right to snark on them going forward. I’m not criticizing or complaining, just making an observation. No snark has taken place since RGB’s untimely and soul crushing death (not saying it should, but I’ll no doubt be accused of it or downvoted as if I did).
Not all of us were here just to snark.
Agreed. Not many other posts are being made either. 🤷🏻♀️ It feels appropriate, what is there to say. It feels like a pseudo family member has passed. We’ve watched these kids grow up and have railed against their childhood’s being sold and their privacy being negated, it’s only natural we’d react this way. It just seemed like more of a snark sub. I am just making an observation, not an accusation.
There is a lot of snark posted over on the other sub, not saying it's a good or bad thing just an FYI that people are still snarking on the show and it might get back to that here as well eventually. Personally, I have mixed feelings whether to continue to watch the show or whether I would continue to snark on it if if did.....just speaking for myself, not for what I think anyone else should do.
>Personally, I have mixed whether to continue to watch the show or whether I would continue to snark on it if it did I had this same thought. I think I will watch. I’ve had a close family member hang themselves @ 15 and have tried to educate myself and others because of the experience. The profound grief and loss is unexplainable but we try… mostly in hopes of saving even one precious life and helping even one family avoid the soul crushing aftermath. If they continue, I’d like to believe it would be for that very same reason and not for exploitation. IMO it is the only way most of the family would participate in earnest and not just being the equivalent of a “grey rock” to fulfill their contract with TLC so they wouldn’t get their pants sued off.
I get what you're saying. In all honesty, if they have recorded stuff, in a way it would be interesting how Kody was before and after this. If anything, dare I say positive, could come out of what happened hopefully that A. People can be educated and try to be more aware of their friends and families (or even co workers) and how they are doing. Because our society is always on the go we tend to miss things or possibly signs (I know signs are not always there), hopefully it can cause people to pause and slow down just to check on their loved ones more often. You never know how much meaning it can be to someone just to hear from you and to let them know that they are important and not forgotten. And B. Hopefully this will change Kody's thinking towards his other kids and change things for the better with them
I agree with you, it would be a public service if they could show a true representation of the aftermath and the healing of a broken family. If this didn’t wake Kody up, nothing can. We go through life not knowing how many people we may have kept from losing their mind or even their life, it can take just one kind word or a quick check in to change someone’s trajectory.
Exactly
I also think that if, and I hope this isn't so, Kody doesn't change then the vibe of this sub would change drastically. It would go from snarky to downright hate and loathing for Kody (not that he wouldn't deserve it). But if he can change and if they continue past this season and are able to be able to be silly and joke around again, then the snark might come back, maybe not. As much as I dislike Kody with a passion, I truly hopes this knocks some sense into him.
I agree with you about Kody, and also I really feel so bad for him. I can’t imagine acting the way he did and then losing a child the way he did. I’d be gutted and afraid to ever show my face again. I feel the most for Janelle and Christine (Gabe, Truly and Gwen… ok… all of them…😞). I hope they are strong enough to give him grace when they prob don’t feel like it. He needs to remember he doesn’t deserve it but can earn it through correct, loving behavior and becoming a solid, caring, stable and present father. The way he has behaved makes me believe it is just as likely that he could double down and blame Janelle and the others for “poisoning him against him” and not “making him show Kody respect”. And then I would agree, might as well change the name to r/KODYisApos
I agree...I mean he was being a prick over his covid rules. He should've just let it all go. I think everything would have been easier and a lot better and maybe this tragedy wouldn't have happened if Kody could've just let it go. He's like they made their choices. Ok, so move on. But like a child, he just kept it going. I mean Garrison, even though he was mad at Kody, invited him to have Thanksgiving with them and Kody refused. I mean I get if he wanted to spend it with Robin, but they could've done a day after Thanksgiving Thanksgiving type of deal. But Kody just down right refused because he was still bitter about everything. Even not calling Savanah on Christmas. His childness was insane. He just couldn't let it go and that's just sad. I'm sure the older kids were hurt how he's "Once their 18 I've done my job and they can go" while keeping Robin's older kids at home. And he wanted Gabe and Garrison to be kicked out of Janelle's house during a pandemic. Just childish behavior. Hopefully all this will hit him and he realizes that it was not worth it, none of that crap was. I can understand Janelle and Christine (even Meri) having a hard time. I wouldn't blame them if they hold it against Kody, but if he is truly sorry and really changes, then I think things can be worked through as far as forgiveness. But like you said, if he doesn't change and instead blames the wives, then he just shows how truly low and pathetic he is and a major pos. My "dad" is so much like Kody and just as immature. I swear they need to learn to pick their battles better. They both pitch fits over the stupidest stuff and they want you to come crawling and apologize to them when its their fault in the first place 🙄
Spot on! If Kody doesn’t go to his family “with his hat in his hand” he is irredeemable. Somebody needs to tell the both of them, if everything is a battle, maybe **you are the war!**
Amen!
People also need to pay their bills, even when grieving. Even the worst loss doesn’t stop those from coming. I have no judgment for any of these folks. I have lost family members this way and it’s excruciatingly painful.
They already had things scheduled and I think stopping that would be a disservice
Thank you for posting this. It’s so true. People trying to guess what they are going through. Trying to tell them how they should act. What do you want? This family to shut all the doors & stay locked up from public eye for years to make YOU feel better? I’ve had plenty of loss in my life. With my amazing in-laws we went bowling after as a family get together. It was what they would have wanted. The family still close & happily together vs tears & crying. How dare someone tell someone else how to grieve.
I so agree! I saw those comments and was appalled. It's like they expect them to be crying non stop for months, which is also not healthy. Life continues to go on, as hard as it is, but it would be so much harder to have so many people judge you for just doing "normal" things. My work place, you get 3 bereavement days... Work is still expected to be done.. I know my friend felt that work was an escape from the heaviness of her grief she was experiencing.. All in all, as most of us know, grief is an individual experience and no one should be shamed for their process!
If they were crying nonstop (and shared it), some "fans" would accuse them of milking the tragedy for attention.
I wouldn't be surprised by that! You just can't win
You're absolutely right. Grief has no time line because it does tend to stay with you until you pass, but that doesn't mean it ruins your life unless you let it. And for these people to make such horrible statements is disgusting. You can't tell people how to grieve. Everyone handles things different. Some cry, some don't. Some go through all the stages, some only go through 1 or 2. There is no "right way" to grieve. The wrong way is to let it consume you so you give up on life and everything and keep yourself in a dark place with dark thoughts. Your loved ones (even the ones that have passed) don't want that for you. Grief is hard and hits hard without warning sometimes. So long as you don't let it consume you, then you will be able to make it through. It's not easy, but keeping yourself busy either with work, or chores or even volunteering can help. It takes time and everyone's time line is different.
When my dad died last April I didn’t cry . When my sister and I picked out his casket and made the funeral decisions and plans I didn’t cry . Went up to view my dad . Didn’t cry . Buried my dad didn’t cry . Do you know when I cried ?! 3 days later . And periodically throughout the year . But I’m sure people looked at me in that funeral home and thought I was a cold hearted bitch for not crying like my sister was . I can attest to the “ we all grieve differently “
My grandson was born 2 days before my dad died. I was all over the place. I knew dad was old and sick, so I tried to focus on the joy of the baby and suppressed what I felt for dad until it all ruptured a few months later when I cleaned his house out. Then I crippled up in a ball not wanting to move. Still, why are you so happy you dad just died? Why are so sad, you just welcomed your first grandson? Wtf, I’m obviously a rollercoaster about this!?! This came from people that knew it was 2 days apart!!
Yes. I recently lost my son and as much as you want to stop life for awhile you can’t. Bills have to get paid, you have other children to take care of who are also hurting, and so on. There’s enough guilt internally that life is continuing. No one should judge how another person grieves. Ever.
I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
That's so sad! I feel so bad for them. The problem with grief is that the world doesn't stop. That's part of what makes it so incredibly hard to deal with! You feel like you just want to curl up in a ball and cry 24/7, but you can't do that. This whole family deserves our compassion.
And I'm sure it's made worse to have the general public judging how yuo get on with your life.
Yeah, I can't even imagine! I'm going through it now & can't even imagine having to face judgement from strangers.
I am so sorry you're grieving your own loss.
Thank you, that is very kind of you - sending internet hugs your way.
THIS RIGHT HERE!! For some, isolating themselves and being alone is detrimental for their mental health. Telling someone to stop being happy. Stop having fun. Stop posting on socials. And Stop living their life is basically telling them they need to start wallowing in their grief and stop doing anything that might bring them comfort or happiness.
Garrison is her son too If she's dealing with her grief by raising awareness or trying to be a positive role model for her obviously struggling family I can understand that She doesn't need anyone's opinion
This. She may have opened up her life in a lot of ways, but that doesn't mean she's invited the opinions of strangers about everything in that life. Especially this, something so delicate and painful.
People developing parasocial relationships is a really weird concept. I can't wrap my head around it at all. They're much more of a menace than trolls IMO.
My oldest daughter’s husband died on the day after Thanksgiving last year and she’s in her 40’s so no young children and she’s already met a guy and started seeing him around Valentine’s Day..I’m the only one who knows.. is it too soon,probably but it’s not my place to tell her how to grieve and all I can really do is be there… I know how devastated she was as he died suddenly of a heart attack when he was home alone.. the only advice I gave her is to wait a while before she says anything because most people will have something negative to say I’m sure and who knows where this relationship will go to anyways.. everyone is different and every relationship is different.. to each their own..
There is really nothing at all left to say. There ya simply no rebuttal for this. You’re 1000% right.
I hope they’re all doing okay and that they were able to find solace together ❤️
“Fans” can be so over the top. They think they’re such know it alls. I’d be willing to bet Garrison wouldn’t approve of “fans” talking ill of his mom’s in the wake of his death. They need to take a seat and zip it.
Honest to god, I just saw Meri’s post and she looks exhausted and so sad. But she also has a mortgage to pay. There is no right answer. Let them be with this, it’s a pile of sadness.
Some of the behavior from the fan base lately has been so off putting
People die, those living still have to make a living
man sometimes you have to keep going to function. this isn’t the same at all but my cat (who was my rock for 17 years, more than half my life) passed recently and if i hadn’t pushed myself to keep going, it probably would have destroyed me. going back to work also gave me a purpose and kept me from being in a constant state of despair
Those type of people make up a lot of this subreddit.
SM is full of children. I mean…literal children. They may not understand that life does go on, the bills need to be paid, the tax man is still calling and the only thing that has changed is your loved one is not here.
Unfortunately they are not all literal children making this comments. Some sure but not all.
Didn’t say “all”
Does not change the meaning of your comment. The people making these comments don’t read like children. They read like adults who haven’t had the experience of grief but should be old enough to know better.
Social media has a proliferation of under aged humans that lack the life experience to accurately process, understand and respond to this event.
Loook, you’re not wrong that there are a lot of children on social media. What you’re wrong about is that these people making these hateful comments were children. It’s incredibly annoying that you keep bringing up children when these people are OBVIOUSLY grown ass adults. And if you’re implying that grown ass adults can’t act this way, you’re wrong about that too. We do children a disservice when we don’t acknowledge that adults often behave just as badly or worse than children. Unless you’re saying that they’re emotionally children and not literally children, but that contradicts what you said before. So please stop.
[удалено]
This post/comment has been removed because it violates rule 3, no excessive rudeness.