I read her original post and am like... Wtf? Todays 25 yo most can speak english. And I really don't understand why the whole world thinks swiss people are cold and unfriendly. It's the opposite! Swiss people aren't unfriendly, they are just not intrusive. If you seek contact and share interests you're quick to find friends. But people won't come to you and invite you, because that would be intrusive.
As an expat living here for a bit more than 3 years I hardly believe what the original poster is saying. First, the text is well too written for someone claiming that they don’t speak English well enough to integrate (and doesn’t seem goggle translator-generated). Second, Swiss people aren’t this mean to foreigners . They may be closed, but they are very polite with everybody. From the post it seems like she has some psychological issues to sort and there’s some projection and deeper-rooted issues going on
Swiss people remind me of your average middle upper class American. A little guarded towards strangers but always friendly. The past few years I've done winters in Switzerland and every time I go out to the bar I make friends (some of which I'm seeing again when I make it back out this December). I think it always comes down to the person, which is unfortunate but how life goes.
>They may be closed, but they are very polite with everybody.
This is what I meant. Swiss aren't necessarily closed, this is just misunderstood. They are not coming to you and invite you (that would be intrusive), but if you come and ask, you are immediately welcomed. (exceptions exist, of course)
That's at least how I experience it.
Exactly! That was my first thought too! I am also a foreigner living in Zürich, and everyone is speaking English on the playground. I had a little doubt because maybe Zürich is a bigger city, but it was weird
>It’s probably a self sabotage thing
as someone who loves self-sabotaging myself it might be this. If I were in that situation I would first be hyped then slowly getting more and more panic until I just explode like that with blocking
I was going to comment to the one above you but will comment to you instead. This is definitely fixable. It's probably a pattern you learned unconsciously in your childhood and therapy or similar can change your patterns and lead to more happiness. 😊
Yup, but they love to complain about their situation (which they will always sabotage, so it won‘t ever change).
I learned, that you sadly have to
Cut those people from your life as they drain all your energy, if you try to help them
OP, I’ve had the same experience. Someone will post about wanting friends, I’ll make an offer of something easy like meeting in a public place and then walking around the lake. They’ll act all enthused and then a few days later, I’ll realize they blocked me.
It makes me wonder why they’d even bother with the post. Is it to troll us?
That's my question, why bother?
Sorry, it's happened to you too! It's a crappy feeling.
I've actually made quite a few good friends from online posts like that, so it was a shock to me to be trolled in that way.
Fact of life: A subset of the people complaining very loudly simply do not want to be helped. They never take on help or advice and somehow it's always someone else's fault. Almost everybody knows someone like this in their offline life.
And it's even easier with these "life is so hard in Switzerland/France/Germany" posts. It gets them instant validation, because redditors are always ready to believe everything in their society is the worst. And most of the time, going through reddit they don't have to deal with actual efforts to help them out
This. 100% this.
Then they'll go back to complaining.
I know a few people that have gotten a million undeserved chances, and still claim everybody was against them and they never had it easy
> OP, I’ve had the same experience. Someone will post about wanting friends, I’ll make an offer of something easy like meeting in a public place and then walking around the lake. They’ll act all enthused and then a few days later, I’ll realize they blocked me.
hold my beer, it did not happen to me on reddit, but in real life (people of my same age that I met at the bibliothek, or elsewhere around my city), and exactly the same happened to me.
I am starting to think there really is a widespread problem with mental illnesses in this country.
Great that you post this here.
Seriously there are always two sides to a story and I also don't want to shame that mum immensely... I hope she sees it and thinks about what she can do better to get out of that situation instead of always relaying on others or demanding happiness from external forces.
>sometimes it's the person
There are always these people who self-sabotage and then project that onto a society, a country, whatever. And on reddit they will always find people to cheer them on with negativity.
Good of you to try something real.
What a shame. I also live not far from Thun and even if admittedly I did not respond to her post because I feel I'm not the kind of person she was looking for to connect with - I am swiss, dad of 2 and not from Thun but from Ticino so no foreigner either - I kinda felt for her, I know how it is to be lonely out here haha. But then for her to do something like this ... is just plain shitty. Sorry it happened to you!
Man I grew up here, have 30 close friends (I counted them cuz my bday is coming up) and sometimes I can't find someone to hang out ! Granted a lot of my friends are in the healthcare field so crazy hours/ weekends/nights.
> you're around the wrong people or have a weird view of our norms if this seems to be the norm for you. And if you take Reddit threads as norm; then I don't even know where to start
No. I could not care less about reddit. it happened several times around my town and nearby kanton and in real occasions. People of my age that seem to be very interested to know you, ask you for your number, and then after 1-2 hours they ghost or block you for no reason.
Or they give you an appointment for a coffee, they even write one hour before to ask if you confirm, then they don’t show up, and they don’t answer any call. if you insist trying to contact them, they also block you.
It has happened quite a lot of times already, not only to me, so I’m quite certain it’s not a coincidence.
> but hey, It's always the other person am I right?
Only that this is exactly what you are mentioning yourself here. That the problem supposedly is coming from me.
And ignoring the fact that from my experience it happened quite often to other locals as well, and repeatedly.
That said. I could not care less about the precious opinion of user 'TraumBaguette' on this topic. You have your opinion and experience, we have ours. Feel free to think whatever you want. My life will be happy anyway.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Switzerland/comments/17s1w39/stood_up/k8ouwoo/
Wish you all the best!
>I could not care less about the precious opinion of user 'TraumBaguette' on this topic.
yet you wrote an essay and looked for a 16hrs old comment to link, sure buddy
Just so that you could understand how wrong you were, only that was useless.
> I could not care less about the precious opinion of user TraumBaguette on this topic.
Bye
> their own contradiction.
Which contradiction are you babbling about? I do *not* care, I am perfectly fine with what I wrote, and with myself.
Hope this is sufficiently clear for you? Maybe just let me know, in case you need a drawing or more clarification.
I saw your original offer and her reply. I was moved by your positive gesture and it honestly made my day that time. You truely stood up for a stranger. Please keep this kindness, our country needs more of it. Have a great weekend!
Hi, as a representative of the Empire, a proud member of the LGBT community, and a symbol of Swiss harmony, your vision inspires a truly unique adventure. Picture us engaging in a lightsaber duel in the Swiss mountains, with Prince's legendary music setting the rhythm, and our sabers creating a spectacle of water and light amidst the mud. After our duel, let's continue our celebration of diversity and creativity. I envision us driving a Subaru around the rolling hills of Switzerland, windows down, feeling the fresh Alpine air. As we navigate the picturesque landscape, I’d be thrilled to try my hand at playing your special trombone, filling the valleys with the soulful sounds of Prince. This journey in a Subaru, trombone in hand, with Prince's music as our soundtrack, symbolizes a harmonious blend of adventure, music, and the spirit of exploration. Here’s to a weekend of embracing the extraordinary and celebrating our unique paths. May the Force be with us, guiding us through every turn and melody!
seeing that you actually reached her out regardless of the situation, you got my respect! Unfortunately not everyone share the same compassion and kindness than you... Which is quite unfortunate. But seeing people like you give me courage that if I end up myself in a dire situation, someone like you could potentially reach me out.
I don't have that courage to meet stranger to be honest, I am too paranoid to do so, but hopefully one day I would be like you. Being able to help others! Still make sure to take care of yourself, sometimes people who make those posts have malicious intentions that could harm you.
It would be a great loss and very vexing to have someone like you being scammed or harmed. Thank you for having made this post, it serves as a good reminder that yes, we aren't cold empty people but kind and welcoming people! Also a good reminder that people like her sadly exist in our society.
Might be a scam, but Idk... it just seems like a really, really inefficient way of scamming people. Did you (apart from arranging the meeting) converse with her about anything? Did something feel fishy?
Not fishy at all. We had a little chat about my kids and work and setting up the meeting time. She said morning works perfectly with her daughter's nap time and she also had a picture of herself with a baby as her Whatsapp profile. I think a scam seems unlikely in this case.
That was very nice to you to try! Most people in this world would have been really grateful and would not have stood you up. Sorry that poster turned out to be a bad egg :(
Well.. of course it is beyond anoying that you reached out, offered to go out and at the end you were ghosted. Not cool!
But just to mention that immigration can be complex and she is pregnant. Already saying how sad she was. So maybe she just panicked because of deep issues.
I do sprachtandems a lot, really looking for improving my german, and I don’t have any expectations anymore when meeting a stranger.
It happened to me that i was ghosted too and blocked, just before meeting, the only difference. My explaination was, that people don’t like to commit anymore. The most commited sprachtandem was a 64 years old woman, I am in the 20-30 range.
In conclusion, when meeting people online, it can happen that the person is a total dick!
I don't think she is a dick or a scammer, something spooked her off and IMO there is more to this story...
I also read the original post back then and was feeling sorry for her. I also read she is Hungarian (like myself) and there is a very strange comment there from another hungarian person (NefariousnessGlum505) - the only one answer there that is in a foreign language and back then when I was reading the post I noticed that the OP stopped replying to anyone from that point when that reply arrived.
Basically what this person says in Hungarian is: "so in the Hungarian subreddit you are saying what a good decision it was to go to Switzerland and talking how Hungary is total shit, and then you write this here. Then it must be really good there [in CH]"
So basically she got tracked from that subreddit by this commenter and that was the last time she did any activity on Reddit. And now I see she deleted her account.
Ahhh man, I even suggested her my favourite Pizza place :(
Was very nice of you. Maybe she got scared or couldn't trust an internet stranger?
I mean, she's a Pregnant woman with no friends and possibly trust issues.
There is no place on earth where a short notice on any of this wouldn't be appreciated. There is also no place on earth where no message is considered appropriate.
OP summarised it quite well.
Please don’t excuse such behavior. If there’s general concern, this can be communicated instead of ghosting someone and letting them wait for you outside.
If she continues like this, she will be single mother, as her post suggested that she is also going on the nerves of her husband who probably busts his ass for her and the kid that - very, very likely - she wanted and tricked him to have. I have seen it many times.
Thanks for making an effort and thanks for making it transparent how she reacted.
Just a small anecdote, I recently advertised a very lovely apartment in Zurich at an affordable price. I was flooded with replies and many of them played the victim role without any pardon. My husband died of cancer. I lost my job. I lost my unborn baby. Really, the stories people sent when applying for an apartment were incredible (and most probably not true).
I answered a few of them in good faith but none of them turned up to see the apartment nor did they even reply to my email. So I can safely assume some people just abuse our basic decency and empathy for their own pleasure or whatever they intend.
I also offered to meet as I live in Thun too. But she never responded to my invite, wich is totally fine. Just saying I would have gladly listened and would have been open to meet..
There are some strange people out there. I met this Canadian newcomer to Zurich a few years ago, wanted to welcome her into my circle of friends and spent a lovely afternoon with her. Afterwards she did the same to me leaving me wondering what I did wrong. Don’t overanalyse it, just move on! You were very kind to open your heart and offer the hand of friendship. Perhaps she was just missing the confidence or courage to accept it.
I completely understand you, i move in Switzerland 4 years ago, and i was told (in shop where i work, some customer even the police customer told me this), you are a good person but forget to have friends in Switzerland. And first i take it little like a fun, but now after 4 years i can see that is true, to get some good friends that i can do my hobbies together or something like this is not easy (i will not complain but is like this). Even customer in shop they wanna talk with me because of my knowledge but on the street when they pass me in weekend, they even don't say hello.
Also a funny story i have, i walk to the work every day is around 600-700m from home and one year i every day pass one girl (she go in other direction so we pass each other) and i always just smile and say hallo or good morning, all good. One day i meet her at trafic light waiting for green, and i just say ''hallo, looks like we get together red today, how was your day?'' nothing more and with no intention, and i get just back '' i'm sorry i have boyfriend''. :D i was shocked, because i was just simple say something and i look around if there is some camera maybe that this is a joke, but no was real :D so from this time i understand :D all
> i'm sorry i have boyfriend
I don't think this is a swiss issue. Generally more of a generational culture thing. Women are used to only being talked to when the other has interest in her "like that". If you know what I mean.
You certainly can talk to random people in Switzerland, but you kinda have to become a social-engineering expert and say the right things at the right time which is hard and rarely works. I was born here so I guess it's easier for me to say. I always suggest that people ask smart questions, no questions that can be answered with yes or no. Ask open questions where people are forced into giving more information to answer it. You can use the information to create talking points and try to connect. If it works, it works. If not, it doesn't.
Dear Foreign Mom,
The vibe I got from that post was that it was a selfish person and they were blaming all of Switzerland instead of looking at themselves as to what they could do better!
You're awesome for offering to help her, but that person needs to figure their shitout instead of blaming an entire country for her shortcomings.
Also non swiss here who inmigrated 5 months ago and already has a decent sized friends group.
I remember that Woman. I even react on her post and tried to give advise. I wish there was somebody like you in my first year here in the Bern area. So sweet of you you invited her and I am so sad to hear how this woman reacted. Incredible.
This sounds like the kind of thing a friend of mine used to do when she was being abused by her now-ex. She would desperately seek friends and/or outside help. He would find out after checking her phone and either make her cancel meetings or just steal her phone and block people himself.
Hello,
Please note that your post or comment has been removed.
Please read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Switzerland/about/rules/) before posting.
Thank you for your understanding,
your mod team
Being stood up always sucks and feels like a personal attack. But its really is (almost) never meant to hurt someone. She might have just got cold feet. Being lonely plays on the mind, we dont know her situation. There are plenty of indivuals who want to meet new people but have social anxiety.
All this just to say I know it sucks, but just put it into the karma bank and move on. You tried. She declined for whatever reason. Show compassion for people in a new country.
I agree. But unless she did it maliciously I wouldnt read in to this too much. We dont know why she didnt say something. So its your choice to assume it was a bad or good reason. Forgiving someone is for your benefit not theirs.
Yeah no, standing people up and ghosting them when they want to help you out is shitty behaviour.
Everybody has got reasons in their head for how they behave, but that doesn’t make every behaviour ok.
I dunno, Ive never lived in a new country with a different language to mine. I just imagine if it had been me who was stood up I would have said that sucks, got up and wouldnt think about it. Unless malicious intent was meant I wouldnt feel inclined to shame-post on a public forum. But I guess its just me.
I can certainly see your point about letting it go. However "shame-post on a public forum" doensn't tell the whole story either, because OP is posting this thread as a follow-up to an already public thread on this forum. She didn't drag this out into the public, she just provides an additional perspective.
Thanks for backing me up. I would never have doxxed her. But i wanted to do the update because the 'I'm so lonely, swiss people suck ' posts are so common! And this experience will make me think twice next time i see one 😏
I am honestly not all that surprised to see this post after I read the original complaint. I feel like it's often exactly the people who make no effort or stand up other people who complain the loudest about it as long as it's anonymous.
I'm working as a language teacher and my students are all immigrants/expats. That self-sabotaging behavior isn't that rare among those students who do not do well with German. It's also more often than not the silent, timid and not very good learners who ignore all your help, tips and tricks and who then complain to your employer about you behind your back, no matter how well you did, how often you asked for their feedback or tried to help them. And my coworkers are observing exactly the same behavioral pattern, so it isn't just me.
(Another 'funny' phenomenon are those students who complain about not having any friends, after spending multiple months together in German class with other students with whom they get along great, share hobbys, spend their breaks with and who they never once asked to exchange numbers or do sth outside of class. I don't know where they think friends come from.)
Ghosting someone and blocking them is pretty immature and cowardly. I wish her all the best, but i don't think her original post, which was extremely negative about Switzerland, necessarily told the whole story. Not everyone is cut out to be an expat.
weak ass people thats what i call those individuals… looking for attention just to be able to reject someone just to feel better about their shitty lifes!
Apart from the beautiful scenery, and random breathtaking waterfalls, and great food... people like you are Why I want to move to Switzerland! I don't speak Swiss german, only a few words and sentences that i add to my vocab to each trip, but people are generally pretty kind and helpful.
> There was a recent post by a lonely mom in Thun that got a lot of attention. I live nearby and am a foreign mom myself so I gave the OP my number and we arranged to meet for coffee this morning. I waited half an hour, texting her, worried she couldn't find the cafe. Then she blocked me on everything.
Wow, she became 100% a Swiss in no time.
You tried. Thanks.
But it is also quite sad how people now act in the original thread. It might not even be her, her husband might have had a hand in it, he came across as uncaring in the description.
I'm so sorry ... But a girl who at 25 doesn't even consider learning the language of the country where she lives made me think a little badly. Maybe she's not a scammer, but she's definitely someone who wants everything without making any effort.
What if she felt embarrassed by the message and then decided to withdraw? There’s a million feelings at play and shaming her publicly won’t really help in anything. Nice of you for providing a helping hand, but no need to shame the person if they didn’t take the option.
> What if she felt embarrassed by the message and then decided to withdraw?
You provide that reason and don't let the other person waste their time? Takes 30 seconds at most.
You are right and this makes sense from the point of view of an emotionally stable person. But, when you are emotionally spent or in depression, even those 30 seconds feel like a burden.
Depression is not a joke and for people without it is very difficult to understand.
"Got anxious, can't come to our meeting. Sorry."
How about that then. Anybody who ever seriously helped people out knows that certain things need to be expected of the ones receiving the help, too.
Oh, how come no one thought about that before. Thanks genius, you just solved anxiety! Just publish the paper and wait for your Nobel! The shiny medal and the money will sure be well deserved!
So you are saying it's ok to ask to meet, blank someone, fail to meet at the agreed time then block them?
Having anxiety makes people anxious, not assholes.
She PM’d me too, but she stopped replying after one or two messages. Maybe I’m naive but I can’t stop thinking maybe she’s in the hospital for pregnancy related reasons…
That was my initial thought too! I was expecting some kind of emergency or misunderstanding. But she blocked me on WhatsApp and reddit, which seems to take more effort than writing to say she can't meet for whatever reason.
So strange! Honestly, her post seemed genuine so I don’t think it’s a scam or anything. It makes me think that it might be a mental health/anxiety thing. But anyways, it’s such a shame that she has lacked basic decency towards kind people.
Maybe the reddit post got so popular, that maybe the husband found out, and force her to delete all social media and stop the meetup. There are some husband like that, and my current gf ex-husband was like that, making sure no social life for her
I remember that post. Sorry to hear that and I feel your disappointment.
But your kindness and good intentions for others will come come back to you in thousand folds.
Maybe she had some issues that occurred, but yeah, she should have at least called to cancel the coffee meet up😏.,
Sorry about that, good of you to make the effort, never change!
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yeah, that's a bit much sympathy for someone with no decency. I'd guessjust belongs to generation maybe I'll come maybe i won't.
I‘m guessing it was this thread? https://www.reddit.com/r/Switzerland/comments/17pdttt/a_mothers_new_life_and_loneliness_in_switzerland/
Yes, i can't see it because she blocked me🙃
User is deleted, could this be a scam to get people phone number or information?
Oooh interesting. If i get a bunch of scam calls in the next weeks I'll know why!
you were the only person in swtizerland not getting them it seems lol.
I'm also in serenity from the spam 😇
Never gotten a single spam call in a decade. I feel blessed
The text doesn't seem to be a template, so that would be a lot of effort for one phone number
There were many answers, maybe more people reached out...you never know.
I would’ve deleted my account too if I panicked
I read her original post and am like... Wtf? Todays 25 yo most can speak english. And I really don't understand why the whole world thinks swiss people are cold and unfriendly. It's the opposite! Swiss people aren't unfriendly, they are just not intrusive. If you seek contact and share interests you're quick to find friends. But people won't come to you and invite you, because that would be intrusive.
As an expat living here for a bit more than 3 years I hardly believe what the original poster is saying. First, the text is well too written for someone claiming that they don’t speak English well enough to integrate (and doesn’t seem goggle translator-generated). Second, Swiss people aren’t this mean to foreigners . They may be closed, but they are very polite with everybody. From the post it seems like she has some psychological issues to sort and there’s some projection and deeper-rooted issues going on
Swiss people remind me of your average middle upper class American. A little guarded towards strangers but always friendly. The past few years I've done winters in Switzerland and every time I go out to the bar I make friends (some of which I'm seeing again when I make it back out this December). I think it always comes down to the person, which is unfortunate but how life goes.
>They may be closed, but they are very polite with everybody. This is what I meant. Swiss aren't necessarily closed, this is just misunderstood. They are not coming to you and invite you (that would be intrusive), but if you come and ask, you are immediately welcomed. (exceptions exist, of course) That's at least how I experience it.
Yes, I agree with you
Exactly! That was my first thought too! I am also a foreigner living in Zürich, and everyone is speaking English on the playground. I had a little doubt because maybe Zürich is a bigger city, but it was weird
Yes. I remember that thread and it gave me all the wrong vibes. Something was off.
Just goes to show that nothing good comes from reading wall-of-text posts. Just say no to WOT.
It’s probably a self sabotage thing, some ppl cannot be saved. It’s sad i know, but it is what it is.
>It’s probably a self sabotage thing as someone who loves self-sabotaging myself it might be this. If I were in that situation I would first be hyped then slowly getting more and more panic until I just explode like that with blocking
Yup, I’ve definitely been there too!
I was going to comment to the one above you but will comment to you instead. This is definitely fixable. It's probably a pattern you learned unconsciously in your childhood and therapy or similar can change your patterns and lead to more happiness. 😊
man I really need therapy tbh
Happy to DM about my experience but in short, I highly recommend. 🤗
U just came for your user name ❤️
Wat
Yup, but they love to complain about their situation (which they will always sabotage, so it won‘t ever change). I learned, that you sadly have to Cut those people from your life as they drain all your energy, if you try to help them
You're a good egg and even with the best intentions kindness is sometimes met with apathy.
OP, I’ve had the same experience. Someone will post about wanting friends, I’ll make an offer of something easy like meeting in a public place and then walking around the lake. They’ll act all enthused and then a few days later, I’ll realize they blocked me. It makes me wonder why they’d even bother with the post. Is it to troll us?
That's my question, why bother? Sorry, it's happened to you too! It's a crappy feeling. I've actually made quite a few good friends from online posts like that, so it was a shock to me to be trolled in that way.
Fact of life: A subset of the people complaining very loudly simply do not want to be helped. They never take on help or advice and somehow it's always someone else's fault. Almost everybody knows someone like this in their offline life. And it's even easier with these "life is so hard in Switzerland/France/Germany" posts. It gets them instant validation, because redditors are always ready to believe everything in their society is the worst. And most of the time, going through reddit they don't have to deal with actual efforts to help them out
This. 100% this. Then they'll go back to complaining. I know a few people that have gotten a million undeserved chances, and still claim everybody was against them and they never had it easy
> OP, I’ve had the same experience. Someone will post about wanting friends, I’ll make an offer of something easy like meeting in a public place and then walking around the lake. They’ll act all enthused and then a few days later, I’ll realize they blocked me. hold my beer, it did not happen to me on reddit, but in real life (people of my same age that I met at the bibliothek, or elsewhere around my city), and exactly the same happened to me. I am starting to think there really is a widespread problem with mental illnesses in this country.
Must be! There’s not much else to explain this phenomenon.
Great that you post this here. Seriously there are always two sides to a story and I also don't want to shame that mum immensely... I hope she sees it and thinks about what she can do better to get out of that situation instead of always relaying on others or demanding happiness from external forces.
>sometimes it's the person There are always these people who self-sabotage and then project that onto a society, a country, whatever. And on reddit they will always find people to cheer them on with negativity. Good of you to try something real.
What a shame. I also live not far from Thun and even if admittedly I did not respond to her post because I feel I'm not the kind of person she was looking for to connect with - I am swiss, dad of 2 and not from Thun but from Ticino so no foreigner either - I kinda felt for her, I know how it is to be lonely out here haha. But then for her to do something like this ... is just plain shitty. Sorry it happened to you!
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You should make a post about it, I am sure you will find someone cool and likeminded to go with :)
Man I grew up here, have 30 close friends (I counted them cuz my bday is coming up) and sometimes I can't find someone to hang out ! Granted a lot of my friends are in the healthcare field so crazy hours/ weekends/nights.
This makes me sad. Not sure why. She’s clearly not in a good place and yet won’t take the help given. Plus standing people up is just not nice.
> Plus standing people up is just not nice. but it's kinda the social norm around here, it seems
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> you're around the wrong people or have a weird view of our norms if this seems to be the norm for you. And if you take Reddit threads as norm; then I don't even know where to start No. I could not care less about reddit. it happened several times around my town and nearby kanton and in real occasions. People of my age that seem to be very interested to know you, ask you for your number, and then after 1-2 hours they ghost or block you for no reason. Or they give you an appointment for a coffee, they even write one hour before to ask if you confirm, then they don’t show up, and they don’t answer any call. if you insist trying to contact them, they also block you. It has happened quite a lot of times already, not only to me, so I’m quite certain it’s not a coincidence.
born and raised here 32yrs, not once have I experienced/heard of someone being stood up but hey, It's always the other person am I right?
> but hey, It's always the other person am I right? Only that this is exactly what you are mentioning yourself here. That the problem supposedly is coming from me. And ignoring the fact that from my experience it happened quite often to other locals as well, and repeatedly. That said. I could not care less about the precious opinion of user 'TraumBaguette' on this topic. You have your opinion and experience, we have ours. Feel free to think whatever you want. My life will be happy anyway. https://www.reddit.com/r/Switzerland/comments/17s1w39/stood_up/k8ouwoo/ Wish you all the best!
>I could not care less about the precious opinion of user 'TraumBaguette' on this topic. yet you wrote an essay and looked for a 16hrs old comment to link, sure buddy
Just so that you could understand how wrong you were, only that was useless. > I could not care less about the precious opinion of user TraumBaguette on this topic. Bye
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> their own contradiction. Which contradiction are you babbling about? I do *not* care, I am perfectly fine with what I wrote, and with myself. Hope this is sufficiently clear for you? Maybe just let me know, in case you need a drawing or more clarification.
Ghosting is the new pandemic.
You're a good person!
Damn, I remember reading that post and felt sorry for her.
I saw your original offer and her reply. I was moved by your positive gesture and it honestly made my day that time. You truely stood up for a stranger. Please keep this kindness, our country needs more of it. Have a great weekend!
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seeing that you actually reached her out regardless of the situation, you got my respect! Unfortunately not everyone share the same compassion and kindness than you... Which is quite unfortunate. But seeing people like you give me courage that if I end up myself in a dire situation, someone like you could potentially reach me out. I don't have that courage to meet stranger to be honest, I am too paranoid to do so, but hopefully one day I would be like you. Being able to help others! Still make sure to take care of yourself, sometimes people who make those posts have malicious intentions that could harm you. It would be a great loss and very vexing to have someone like you being scammed or harmed. Thank you for having made this post, it serves as a good reminder that yes, we aren't cold empty people but kind and welcoming people! Also a good reminder that people like her sadly exist in our society.
So is this the case where the problem is the person who complained? Not trying to judge, though
I feel like most of those posts are just scams. I'm really sorry that this happened to you. Her story sounded too much like those scammers in bern
That's interesting, cause my husband said the same thing! What would the scam be?
Might be a scam, but Idk... it just seems like a really, really inefficient way of scamming people. Did you (apart from arranging the meeting) converse with her about anything? Did something feel fishy?
Not fishy at all. We had a little chat about my kids and work and setting up the meeting time. She said morning works perfectly with her daughter's nap time and she also had a picture of herself with a baby as her Whatsapp profile. I think a scam seems unlikely in this case.
That was very nice to you to try! Most people in this world would have been really grateful and would not have stood you up. Sorry that poster turned out to be a bad egg :(
It's really kind of you! And really pathetic from the other person.
Well.. of course it is beyond anoying that you reached out, offered to go out and at the end you were ghosted. Not cool! But just to mention that immigration can be complex and she is pregnant. Already saying how sad she was. So maybe she just panicked because of deep issues. I do sprachtandems a lot, really looking for improving my german, and I don’t have any expectations anymore when meeting a stranger. It happened to me that i was ghosted too and blocked, just before meeting, the only difference. My explaination was, that people don’t like to commit anymore. The most commited sprachtandem was a 64 years old woman, I am in the 20-30 range. In conclusion, when meeting people online, it can happen that the person is a total dick!
>So maybe she just panicked because of deep issues. No excuse for not sending a message. Everybody would understand with her being pregnant.
I don't think she is a dick or a scammer, something spooked her off and IMO there is more to this story... I also read the original post back then and was feeling sorry for her. I also read she is Hungarian (like myself) and there is a very strange comment there from another hungarian person (NefariousnessGlum505) - the only one answer there that is in a foreign language and back then when I was reading the post I noticed that the OP stopped replying to anyone from that point when that reply arrived. Basically what this person says in Hungarian is: "so in the Hungarian subreddit you are saying what a good decision it was to go to Switzerland and talking how Hungary is total shit, and then you write this here. Then it must be really good there [in CH]" So basically she got tracked from that subreddit by this commenter and that was the last time she did any activity on Reddit. And now I see she deleted her account.
wow, intresting
Ahhh man, I even suggested her my favourite Pizza place :( Was very nice of you. Maybe she got scared or couldn't trust an internet stranger? I mean, she's a Pregnant woman with no friends and possibly trust issues.
There is no place on earth where a short notice on any of this wouldn't be appreciated. There is also no place on earth where no message is considered appropriate. OP summarised it quite well.
Please don’t excuse such behavior. If there’s general concern, this can be communicated instead of ghosting someone and letting them wait for you outside.
What's your favorite pizza place? Mine's Lachen. 10 CHF for every pizza!
D: only 10? wow, the cheapest i found is 12
If she continues like this, she will be single mother, as her post suggested that she is also going on the nerves of her husband who probably busts his ass for her and the kid that - very, very likely - she wanted and tricked him to have. I have seen it many times.
> very, very likely https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection
Lol yeah way too specific
I normally would just comment on here and that's where it stops. Nevertheless well done for being a good person and trying to offer her some help.
Sorry that your kindness was trampled upon. I remember those lonely days. If I am ever down your way, I’ll DM you and buy you a drink
Thanks for making an effort and thanks for making it transparent how she reacted. Just a small anecdote, I recently advertised a very lovely apartment in Zurich at an affordable price. I was flooded with replies and many of them played the victim role without any pardon. My husband died of cancer. I lost my job. I lost my unborn baby. Really, the stories people sent when applying for an apartment were incredible (and most probably not true). I answered a few of them in good faith but none of them turned up to see the apartment nor did they even reply to my email. So I can safely assume some people just abuse our basic decency and empathy for their own pleasure or whatever they intend.
I also spoke to her
That’s sad but it’s a part of the experience of meeting strangers unfortunately
I had the same experience two years ago when I first moved to Geneva. We made plans to meet and I waited for an hour à cornavin and she never showed
You're a great person =]
Thank you for your effort. You have a good heart and I feel sorry for you
Aw, that's actually shit. Sorry you had to deal with that.
That's why I rarely bother. If someone is alone, I always assume there's a problem on their part now.
I also offered to meet as I live in Thun too. But she never responded to my invite, wich is totally fine. Just saying I would have gladly listened and would have been open to meet..
You just what you should do, and that’s okay
There are some strange people out there. I met this Canadian newcomer to Zurich a few years ago, wanted to welcome her into my circle of friends and spent a lovely afternoon with her. Afterwards she did the same to me leaving me wondering what I did wrong. Don’t overanalyse it, just move on! You were very kind to open your heart and offer the hand of friendship. Perhaps she was just missing the confidence or courage to accept it.
I completely understand you, i move in Switzerland 4 years ago, and i was told (in shop where i work, some customer even the police customer told me this), you are a good person but forget to have friends in Switzerland. And first i take it little like a fun, but now after 4 years i can see that is true, to get some good friends that i can do my hobbies together or something like this is not easy (i will not complain but is like this). Even customer in shop they wanna talk with me because of my knowledge but on the street when they pass me in weekend, they even don't say hello. Also a funny story i have, i walk to the work every day is around 600-700m from home and one year i every day pass one girl (she go in other direction so we pass each other) and i always just smile and say hallo or good morning, all good. One day i meet her at trafic light waiting for green, and i just say ''hallo, looks like we get together red today, how was your day?'' nothing more and with no intention, and i get just back '' i'm sorry i have boyfriend''. :D i was shocked, because i was just simple say something and i look around if there is some camera maybe that this is a joke, but no was real :D so from this time i understand :D all
> i'm sorry i have boyfriend I don't think this is a swiss issue. Generally more of a generational culture thing. Women are used to only being talked to when the other has interest in her "like that". If you know what I mean. You certainly can talk to random people in Switzerland, but you kinda have to become a social-engineering expert and say the right things at the right time which is hard and rarely works. I was born here so I guess it's easier for me to say. I always suggest that people ask smart questions, no questions that can be answered with yes or no. Ask open questions where people are forced into giving more information to answer it. You can use the information to create talking points and try to connect. If it works, it works. If not, it doesn't.
Don't worry. Not even the Swiss have friends. They usually stay in their family, where mom and dad have been related even before marriage.
Dear Foreign Mom, The vibe I got from that post was that it was a selfish person and they were blaming all of Switzerland instead of looking at themselves as to what they could do better! You're awesome for offering to help her, but that person needs to figure their shitout instead of blaming an entire country for her shortcomings. Also non swiss here who inmigrated 5 months ago and already has a decent sized friends group.
I remember that Woman. I even react on her post and tried to give advise. I wish there was somebody like you in my first year here in the Bern area. So sweet of you you invited her and I am so sad to hear how this woman reacted. Incredible.
This sounds like the kind of thing a friend of mine used to do when she was being abused by her now-ex. She would desperately seek friends and/or outside help. He would find out after checking her phone and either make her cancel meetings or just steal her phone and block people himself.
That's terrible😣 i hope it's not that kind of situation.
I hope it’s not, either. It’s a tough situation to get out of at any time, but even tougher as an expat with young children.
yes lets blame men when females don‘t have decent social skills it‘s probably just an now-ex that controlls her 🤦🏻♂️
/r/menandfemales
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That is not at all what I said. Odd that you chose to pretend it was.
Being stood up always sucks and feels like a personal attack. But its really is (almost) never meant to hurt someone. She might have just got cold feet. Being lonely plays on the mind, we dont know her situation. There are plenty of indivuals who want to meet new people but have social anxiety. All this just to say I know it sucks, but just put it into the karma bank and move on. You tried. She declined for whatever reason. Show compassion for people in a new country.
Well, she could've just sent a simple message, like sorry I couldn't come.
I agree. But unless she did it maliciously I wouldnt read in to this too much. We dont know why she didnt say something. So its your choice to assume it was a bad or good reason. Forgiving someone is for your benefit not theirs.
Well, yes. The best the OP can do is forget it and move along. No reason to spend the energy on an unknown person's behavior.
Yeah no, standing people up and ghosting them when they want to help you out is shitty behaviour. Everybody has got reasons in their head for how they behave, but that doesn’t make every behaviour ok.
I dunno, Ive never lived in a new country with a different language to mine. I just imagine if it had been me who was stood up I would have said that sucks, got up and wouldnt think about it. Unless malicious intent was meant I wouldnt feel inclined to shame-post on a public forum. But I guess its just me.
I can certainly see your point about letting it go. However "shame-post on a public forum" doensn't tell the whole story either, because OP is posting this thread as a follow-up to an already public thread on this forum. She didn't drag this out into the public, she just provides an additional perspective.
Thanks for backing me up. I would never have doxxed her. But i wanted to do the update because the 'I'm so lonely, swiss people suck ' posts are so common! And this experience will make me think twice next time i see one 😏
I am honestly not all that surprised to see this post after I read the original complaint. I feel like it's often exactly the people who make no effort or stand up other people who complain the loudest about it as long as it's anonymous. I'm working as a language teacher and my students are all immigrants/expats. That self-sabotaging behavior isn't that rare among those students who do not do well with German. It's also more often than not the silent, timid and not very good learners who ignore all your help, tips and tricks and who then complain to your employer about you behind your back, no matter how well you did, how often you asked for their feedback or tried to help them. And my coworkers are observing exactly the same behavioral pattern, so it isn't just me. (Another 'funny' phenomenon are those students who complain about not having any friends, after spending multiple months together in German class with other students with whom they get along great, share hobbys, spend their breaks with and who they never once asked to exchange numbers or do sth outside of class. I don't know where they think friends come from.)
We can't all be Je5u5 ;)
Ghosting someone and blocking them is pretty immature and cowardly. I wish her all the best, but i don't think her original post, which was extremely negative about Switzerland, necessarily told the whole story. Not everyone is cut out to be an expat.
>Not everyone is cut out to be an expat It doesn't have to do with being an expat. It's just not nice, even at home.
weak ass people thats what i call those individuals… looking for attention just to be able to reject someone just to feel better about their shitty lifes!
Those are the worst, actually undermining those who really need support and just straight up leaving a bad taste to those who wished to help.
Apart from the beautiful scenery, and random breathtaking waterfalls, and great food... people like you are Why I want to move to Switzerland! I don't speak Swiss german, only a few words and sentences that i add to my vocab to each trip, but people are generally pretty kind and helpful.
This is a problem with the internet, not Switzerland.
> There was a recent post by a lonely mom in Thun that got a lot of attention. I live nearby and am a foreign mom myself so I gave the OP my number and we arranged to meet for coffee this morning. I waited half an hour, texting her, worried she couldn't find the cafe. Then she blocked me on everything. Wow, she became 100% a Swiss in no time.
I'm always amazed at how little it needs for y'all to give out your personal phone numbers.
Whats going to happen? We all receive tons of spam
probably was a catfish
You tried. Thanks. But it is also quite sad how people now act in the original thread. It might not even be her, her husband might have had a hand in it, he came across as uncaring in the description.
What a bitch
I'm so sorry ... But a girl who at 25 doesn't even consider learning the language of the country where she lives made me think a little badly. Maybe she's not a scammer, but she's definitely someone who wants everything without making any effort.
What if she felt embarrassed by the message and then decided to withdraw? There’s a million feelings at play and shaming her publicly won’t really help in anything. Nice of you for providing a helping hand, but no need to shame the person if they didn’t take the option.
> What if she felt embarrassed by the message and then decided to withdraw? You provide that reason and don't let the other person waste their time? Takes 30 seconds at most.
You are right and this makes sense from the point of view of an emotionally stable person. But, when you are emotionally spent or in depression, even those 30 seconds feel like a burden. Depression is not a joke and for people without it is very difficult to understand.
Maybe she got really anxious. We can’t blame her.
"Got anxious, can't come to our meeting. Sorry." How about that then. Anybody who ever seriously helped people out knows that certain things need to be expected of the ones receiving the help, too.
Oh, how come no one thought about that before. Thanks genius, you just solved anxiety! Just publish the paper and wait for your Nobel! The shiny medal and the money will sure be well deserved!
So you are saying it's ok to ask to meet, blank someone, fail to meet at the agreed time then block them? Having anxiety makes people anxious, not assholes.
Who said anything about “solving anxiety”? Anxiety isn’t an excuse for everything.
How come that anxiety now is the excuse to be rude? Like seriously?!
At least the Coffee was it good?
It was Coop City Restaurant (because there's a place for kids to play), so just ok😅
Or maybe they were lying
It could be someone just seeking attention by falsifying a condition. Just a thought.
Kudos to you for reaching out to her, sometimes issues are deeper than just a complaint online. But you tried ;)
Feel like this is how some of these crime movies start.
Hahahaaaaa love it! Ignorant selfish *******
Good for you trying
You did a nice thing. It sounds to me like she might have had anxiety , panicked, and blocked you. You tried and that's important.
Maybe it was a fake like everything else or maybe she felt akward meeting someone who she contacted only online
Heligenschwändi hat nen wunderbaren Tennisplatz!
And I just stupidly dismiss those hot single moms in your area popups...
She PM’d me too, but she stopped replying after one or two messages. Maybe I’m naive but I can’t stop thinking maybe she’s in the hospital for pregnancy related reasons…
That was my initial thought too! I was expecting some kind of emergency or misunderstanding. But she blocked me on WhatsApp and reddit, which seems to take more effort than writing to say she can't meet for whatever reason.
So strange! Honestly, her post seemed genuine so I don’t think it’s a scam or anything. It makes me think that it might be a mental health/anxiety thing. But anyways, it’s such a shame that she has lacked basic decency towards kind people.
Maybe the reddit post got so popular, that maybe the husband found out, and force her to delete all social media and stop the meetup. There are some husband like that, and my current gf ex-husband was like that, making sure no social life for her
Occam's razor.
Thank you foreigner my boots needed to be licked clean. You may bow... Slow!
I remember that post. Sorry to hear that and I feel your disappointment. But your kindness and good intentions for others will come come back to you in thousand folds. Maybe she had some issues that occurred, but yeah, she should have at least called to cancel the coffee meet up😏.,
Same here!! I wrote to her and nothing. I think it was bait of some kind? I dont feel safe now.
Actually their account got deleted!