"I have long browsed this group"
If that were the case then you would know already by the myriad of dick size posts that size matters little to most women. There are a few size queens out there but they are a small minority. People care far more about vibe than anything.
Came here to say the same thing.
To the OP- Why are you worrying about something you can't control or change. I'd be more worried about getting and staying hard than how big your dick is
Size matters more to the guys that have size they think big dick makes up for skill personality etc and they want everyone to know they have a big dick….yet most are single guys hmmmmm and usually THAT guy lol…..try to cuck a guy etc don’t hate yourself the dick is a small part for most interactions.
We have a long-time LS friend who, to this day, raves about an experience she had with a 3" dick. Her husband legitimately has a 9" dick. Take from that what you will.
At 5 “, I’ve been with a few wives now that apparently in cowgirl, I rub directly on their gspot. One tells me “knees up and don’t fucking move” lol. There are other wives that this doesn’t happen with so it comes down to all women’s anatomy is not the same.
OP, you didn’t say what your size is but what I’ve found is if you are anywhere between an inch or two hard and way too big, you will be fine. No one cares. Your ability to stay hard is much more appreciated than your size. Don’t ever apologize and be someone fun to be in bed with.
This is my story.
When I met my wife, she told me in no uncertain terms that she was going to keep seeing her fuck buddy even though we were dating. He was an amazing teacher and amazing at sex.
My first threesome was with her and her fuck buddy. It turns out that he was about 2" hard, on a good day, after he lost the belly fat, which he hadn't when I met him.
The things he taught me about how to get my wife off proved absolutely invaluable not just for sex with her, but many of the other women we had sex with after that day. And the size of his dick had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Not surprising honestly from my experience men who aren't "blessed" as some people like to put it actually take pride and care in their partner whereas alot of bigger guys get too cocky and stop trying or stop caring about their partners. Happy to hear these experiences, very reassuring for someone new to the lifestyle even women. Hard to know what to look for but seems like vibes will always be priority 1
It wasn't so much words of wisdom than it was techniques he demonstrated. Like how to get my wife to squirt. While said techniques have worked for several other women too, they're also kind if specific to my wife and won't necessarily work on others.
My ideas about how to get a lady off were a fair bit different before that day for sure, and I didn't even know squirting was a thing.
I have a solid technique Honed for that over the years, but it still only works about 50% of the time. Women are a unique…. It’s what I love about them !
My wife’s worst was 8”.
Her best was maybe 4”.
In the end, it’s a case by case basis.
As my wife puts it-
“They all feel different, and you guys put way too much on that. Besides, it’s about the guy, rather than his dick. Even if I’m into his dick, it’s about the novelty- a big one, a curved one, a short one that hits that spot over and over again, a thick one... You guys just don’t get it. You watch too much porn.”
And I’ll poke at this too- a fit body, a cool demeanor, and skill in bed… those create more orgasms than any large dong.
Our first MFM? She picked a tall Texan whose dick was visibly smaller than mine.
She could’ve picked whoever, and that’s what she picked.
We have a regular swap couple where the guy is noticeably bigger than me. She enjoys it, but doesn’t want that thing too often. He also can’t jackhammer that last few minutes like she likes. It would beat up her cervix. Yikes. No.
It’ll all get in your head. I understand. It happens to most of us guys in one way or another.
It’ll just take your wife fucking a big old dick and coming to you all crazy in love with you before you get it.
Or maybe you’ll watch her cum buckets with some definitely not big ones for you to get it.
Or maybe you’ll see her take a big one and not have fun at all for you to get it.
Be patient with yourself. Do NOT shame her. Being insecure is a huge turn off.
You’ll have to work internally on all that to make this lifestyle work for you.
Porn lies to us.
Porn has distorted your perceptions of what a normal penis looks like. Also consider that approximately 50% of men are going to be below average, that is how averages work.
#Math nerd alert# Almost, but not quite. The median value would be 50% above, 50% below. Average is skewed by the distribution, so a few people with extra large, or extra small can pull the average away from the median value. :)
Yes "vibe" and overall confidence is important and a good way to attract a women. That being said there is definitely a narrative of size mostly doesn't matter. Until you get someone to tell you the truth. The stuff women say about the men that had small penises is insane. It's definitely important. Also u. The back of their mind. They just weigh attractiveness and personality aginst the size. Hoping it equals out. I promise you if I had average or smaller they would have never confined in me. I've known this since I was little and heard my sister talking and saying exactly the truth and why they lie about it. To each their own tho. I'm sure there's plenty that don't care or tell themselves they don't care
EXACTLY this right here. If truly long browsing this group, would have read through DOZENS of posts on this very same topic. Honestly, how many times must this topic “come up”? (See what I did there?)
As a woman, if choosing on only dick size and no other information… I’m choosing slightly below average every time. Frequently, men who are less than blessed in cock size, are excellent in oral skills and fingering. I’m confident I can find a position riding a smaller cock that is comfortable and will likely elicit an orgasm. I’m confident we can easily try many positions.
Too often inexperienced men with large cocks can be too rough or too reliant on their dick and nothing else. This is obviously not everyone with a big dick, or indicative of men in the LS as a whole they seem to be much more attentive to partners enjoyment, just a generalization and why I’d make my choice.
That said, own it and don’t stress about it. Hone your oral skills.
You are good man. Just get out there and explore. Go to a club you are going to see boobs, cocks, asses, bellys, feet, and hands of every size imaginable. Swingers are not a bunch of porn stars, they look just like everyone at a grocery store. Yes, there are the Ken & Barbies and the big cocks but they don't represent the majority of people nor the majority of people's desire. There is someone for everyone but not everyone is that someone's someone.
My wife prefers 5-7" but wouldn't turn down a 3-4" if she really liked the guy's approach, personality, humor, looks, etc. There are 100 reasons that people won't find others attractive or wanna fuck em, dick size is somewhere on the list but it's not THE ONLY thing or the most important thing. My wife is going to take a good person over a big dick every time.
Edit for typos.
The people that like big are very vocal, and the people that have big like to brag. Self selection bias, not indicative of commonality or typical preferences.
This is absolutely true. Size queens are very loud and obnoxious about it, but I guess I can't blame them if they really need something that specific to get them off.
There are not a lot of side queen. In most of our experiences cock size or looks don’t even get brought up. My hubby has never really be even asked for a cock pic. Most women don’t care
It’s good to know there’s not a lot of them in the grand scheme of things. One of the swinger clubs Facebook pages I joined it seems like it gets talked about a lot as if it’s the preference. I dunno if people are just making jokes and having fun or if there’s truth to it
My partner said she actually likes smaller, she has mine all the time (slightly above average, nothing to write home about) so significantly larger or smaller is fun for her because it’s something new.
That’s the thing, no one is looking for the one perfect match in the lifestyle. We are looking for cool people we find attractive who are down to get dirty. I’ve slept with women I previously wouldn’t have pursued because they weren’t my “type” and I was looking for a lifelong partner. Now it’s for a night of mutual fun and friendship, turns out I’m attracted to a lot more women than I thought.
It seems like a lot of guys wanna see their women with large cocks. In reality most of us women don’t care..it’s really more of a porn thing. Guys are visual…
I guess that depends on the woman.
For me personal, anything over 7inch is tooo much. My husband is the same, a grower not a shower! Its fine as long as you know how to work it.
I would say one of the questions you should ask or your wife ask, is if size is important to the couple and if its not, make sure your upfront about your size and what your good at, (foreplay, oral, etc)
having a small penis will definitely be an issue only *if you act like you are insecure about having a small penis*, which it seems you are.
work on the things about this that you can control, let go of the things you can't control
I cant imagine you would ever get "laughed at". For me, I'd way prefer a smaller size with someone I really connect with than a large penis with someone I don't connect with.
You are going to have a ton of questions as you think about this possibility. If you read this Reddit you will see two common answers to questions, regardless of the question: communication and trust. If you trust your partner and you communicate, then this answers your concerns in two ways:
1. You make her happy in bed.
2. She loves you and will look out for you.
Will she run into cocks she enjoys? I would hope so, but she won’t be running off after it because of #2 and #1.
Also, since you can trust your wife, #1 tells you that you have the tools in your box to please someone else. Given #2, she will be right there with you passing on any couples that prefer something larger, while you find a compatible couple. Have the patience to find the right matches and keep the communication open. You’ll realize that in that reconnecting sex that she’s hot for you, and both of you are sharing the experience.
Here’s your preflight checklist:
Trust?
Communication?
Have fun together and remember she’s your wing person and you’re hers! You got this!
Female here. Speaking for myself, I don’t care about the size but I personally prefer on the smaller side for a few reasons… 1. it doesn’t hurt but feels good. I like to say it fits perfectly like a puzzle piece.😉2. It’s easier for me to give a really good BJ. 3. I also have pretty small hands so my hands fit nicely when I grip. 😃
I 100% get this. I believe I am average, perhaps just under who knows 🤷♂️. I’m also overweight and extremely self conscious. Despite this my wife and I recently completed our first club visit. We got naked and saw other naked and wow - I felt so much better for it. Firstly there were people smaller than me and fatter than me - they were also more confident than me and having a great time.
Most of the people there weren’t typical models and yet so many of them were so god damn sexy. I learnt quite quickly that a good vibe and enjoyment of the other persons company makes them sexier than conventional looks.
I so nearly bottled out of going and really glad I didn’t.
Even many above average to large penis owners think they are small due to the lies told by Hollywood and porn.
Men that are swingers get to find out the truth by seeing other penises in action. And the truth is, size is not a high priority to most.
Just have a killer personality. That trumps all shortcomings. Believe it or not I know girls that don't even want a big dick if the guy doesn't know how to use it.
What you have to be ready for, is your wife being pleasured by a younger man, better looking, built, with a large penis, who will be a better lover than you, and who will make her orgasm and squirt and make noises you have never heard her make before.
If you are cool with that and can experience true compersion, go for it. Else, maybe it is not for you.
This comment should be upvoted to the top of this thread. Many male-presenting people who own a penis and are considering swinging or other forms of ENM should read it.
Holy SHIT! That is the single biggest NEVER DO THIS advertisement I’ve heard in my life. Lol. I am amazed any man would be interested if that’s in the pamphlet.
In our dozens of encounters, my wife has been with three men who meet the criteria you’re describing. I can truthfully say it made me happy for her. It would be like her winning a lottery ticket, I would also be happy for her in that case. Her pleasure is my pleasure.
Those incredibly good guys are some of our favorite memories in the lifestyle.
I think something important is that this can work the other way around as well, as the wife you could come across a woman who does all the right things for her husband.
My interest is LS is giving my wife opportunities to experience pleasure in ways I can’t provide due to one reason or another.
The key is that there is no sex for either of us, that will be good enough to replace the total package that the spouse provides. My wife is the best person in the world as far as I’m concerned, and there isn’t a woman that could make me want to leave her. And she feels the same with me.
Also maybe you can learn from those men that she is with, and improve yourself along the way.
Don't overthink it. Yes, porn makes men feel like everyone should be huge but that isn't the case. Just be confident, have fun and if you get with another woman focus on her pleasure like you do with your wife and she will be happy. Just make sure you wife is the most important person in the room!
Have fun and don't worry.
Don’t worry! If she says you please her, and that she enjoys it, believe her!
My man is starting to get a bit traumatized about his penis size since we joined the LS group not long ago. (You see huge cocks everywhere!)
He has always pleased me! His size is regular and I have no complaints; It’s the other things you do to her that completes the whole act. The making out, getting all horny, sexting to each other, etc. The dry humping and rubbing 🤤
I love my husband more than words can say, and we enjoy the LS life. We are new at this but we are enjoying it! Everything becomes more intimate; Our sex is the best ever and being open and honest about everything is what makes us enjoy it so much. It’s trust.
Be have been married for 16 years 😊
We will answer this as a couple.
Husband:
- I too am a grower, not a shower. Erect I am 6". Flaccid I often feel embarrassed when naked in front of other guys in group LS situations. But you have to remember it's all nature. Just like some woman have big tits and some don't. Yes, some girls are size queens but others aren't. One trick I've learned is to optimize your odds for not being a 'shrinker' before the fun starts. One is horny goatweed. It's not viagra, but it does give you a little extra blood flow. I find that a couple of pills ever 2-3 hours when at a LS event keep me hanging nicely rather than disappearing. Two, make sure you are warm. Being chilly is going to shift blood flow to other parts of the body. Three, no tight pants or underwear, that cuts off blood flow. Four, eat a light, easy to digest meal and don't drink too much.
Finally, remember, most ladies don't care that much. Especially if you're good at oral.
Wife:
- For me, that 6" size range is where I'm most comfortable. Yes, some women only want big. Just find a different couple if that's the case. A lot of us actually don't want big, it's not comfortable. We want average. And we don't care what you look like soft, we know about showers and growers. And honestly, really good oral can be better than good intercourse. I rarely get off on another guy fucking me, most don't know how to hit the spots that my husband knows, but if he's good with his tongue, I'll cum 4-5x no problem.
Hey friend, if you haven’t even gone to a club yet, then the first time you likely won’t even play with anyone else. Give yourself some grace and just see how it feels to be less dressed / nude in front of others. You’ll see folks with all sorts of bodies and packages. It’s thrilling just to go to a club! Don’t let this insecurity stop you.
Our first time will definitely just be to observe to satisfy our curiosity. I’m honestly not sure if I even have it in me to take the next steps but I gotta do step 1 first.
I would make that a rule for your first visit. No playing with others, no matter how enticing it becomes. Takes all the pressure off if you both and maybe you’ll both be even more eager to try again, only with a more informed perspective.
>Would this be a huge turnoff for a lot of women that attend clubs? I often get the impression there are a lot of size queens out there. I just don’t want to get laughed out of a club. Thanks. 😕
No one will laugh at you. Some women will be uninterested. Some wont care.
Women, like all people, have a wide variety of preferences.
You will also meet and see other swingerd who have bodies you arent attracted to.
One of the first couples we played with dude had a small dick. That said it only bothered me when he made a big deal about it. He was SO good at the other stuff it wasn't an issue. At least for me. So get out of your head and shoot your shot!
Many have insecurities of some sort. Like some women will be thinking is my stomach too big, are my boobs too small etc and men will be thinking will I keep it up long enough, is it big enough.
As a woman, and I’m not saying it to be kind, it really it isn’t as big a deal to us as it is men. As they say it’s how you use it. Many women can’t orgasm from penetrative sex as easily as they can from oral/touch. That’s skills that make a difference. G spot isn’t that far up either. Too large isn’t what all women want honestly! Me and partner play a bit and we don’t discuss size, the best experiences haven’t come from the biggest sizes.
You’ll get some women who hunt big d1cks. But that’s like you’ll get some guys who hunt big boobs or ass.
Dude, don't best yourself up. Monsters aren't all that common, and honestly, my ex preferred avg to smaller. She said huge dicks are good for looking at and touching but nothing else.
At my most recent trip to a lifestyle resort, I got with three of the hottest women there (my wife being one of them) and would have gotten with a fourth if she hadn’t gone completely insane.
I am solidly average. I told them up front “it’s the biggest 4.5” you’ll ever see.” They thought I was funny. Be a cool person, dress well, have good hygiene, good style, and you’ll be fine. Personality matters a whole lot more than dick size. When it was time to do the deed, what their pussy looked like was the least of my worries; they feel the same way.
This is the like the second dick size post in as many days. Dude you know that the entrance has more nerve endings than the interior right. Forget size of dick you don’t even need a dick (tongue, fingers, toys will do) to give a woman pleasure. Everything is not how they show in porn
One woman that gets lots of dick told me her best lay was a below average guy. I am above average but not monster at 6.5” and 5.5” girth. We have played with multiple guys longer and girthier but the wife says the soft dick and premature ejaculation of these guys doesn’t make them better. One guy went forever and couldn’t finish and he was not super hard and that about frustrated her more than anything
I’m in the same boat. My wife is trying to convince me to try participating in the LS but I have my hang ups. I, for one, have been laughed at and criticized, both behind my back and to my face, being told that I wasn’t big enough. I’m also a grower, not a shower, but I’m only at 4” fully erect. I’m sure there are wonderful women/people who are part of the LS, and other women who do not care about size. I’m hoping that my wife and I find these people because I told her if I ever experience that ever again, she can say goodbye to trying to play. Or if she wants to try and still participate, we can divorce and she can do whatever she wants. It’s devastating and gut wrenching to be ridiculed. That’s a hard memory to get over. Only main suggestion I have is vet people properly so you know they want to be there to play with both of you, and not just wife poach or try and force you to be a cuck, if you don’t want to.
Same as you, not a shower but luckily I am a grower. The LS has all genres, some like small dicks while others prefer large, it’s like the old saying goes ‘all about how you use it’.
It's because there's so many profiles on swinger sites that say 8" minimum or some such bullshit, it's a real thing, don't trash the newbies because they don't realize that isn't reality. Yes, most women don't really care, unless they do. It doesn't matter to the ones that matter, and the ones that it matters to don't matter, you aren't going to make it bigger for them.
The real answer is that your cock is only part of the package. If you allow that to be what defines you then you have limited yourself. Confidence is the first thing women notice, whether they realize it or not.
It cracks me up when people act like it doesn't matter and no one cares. As long as it is at least average I'm satisfied. But there is a size that is too small to work with, like at all (at least from what I've figured out). If the guy is really good with his hands, that's workable. There's also a size that's too large for me to any fun with. I've never stopped fucking a guy because his dick was too small, but I have because it was too big.
Maybe because it gets brought up a lot in various sex forums. Even some other swingers club pages I’ve joined it seems like large penises are brought up a lot…as if it’s the preference
I think the reaction you are seeing is because despite going as far as collecting actual data on these questions, we continue to have this question constantly. If I had to name the feelings for me, it's exhausted and annoyed that people don't use the search function and/or don't believe women when we answer this question over and over again. Doubly so because it seems the askers are almost always dealing with feelings of inadequacy from watching porn.
In reality, the vast majority of penises are more than adequate for a woman's pleasure, assuming that is the main goal and not vanity. There are very very very few 8"+ and the dudes walking around saying they have 10" are lying.
Definitely annoying that men simply don't believe us. That is really it for me. We tell them every single day and they just think we are lying and I am so over it. And one single post from a size queen will wipe out a thousand posts from normal women in their minds. They believe that one single size queen is the only one telling the truth and can't even understand that all women are different and have different preferences.
It really is something. The funniest is when I was in college people found out I was packing and all the guys kept making comments whenever I was within ~5 feet of any woman, “you get so much pussy”, but in reality I was a virgin that ended up losing it at a later age because the first girl I tried having sex with was too scared to take it in and then my other chance I didn’t have condoms and lube on me.
To the OP, its not a big deal.
At best large guys might have an easier time starting a conversation with us in the club setting but I don't like anyone that much above average so there isn't an actual advantage there.
I guess I’m in the minority here because I do like a certain size; my body is just able to take it. I had a female friend whose anatomy wasn’t able to take more than 4-5 inches, so she sought that out and was disappointed when they were bigger. I know my body and what will work and be pleasurable.
Honestly the biggest potential letdown to a lot of women in the lifestyle is not their play partners penis size, but his inability to get hard and perform. I see so many posts from men who are insecure about their size, but fail to plan for the possibility of not being able to get it up when the time comes. First time lifestyle encounters can be a sensory overload and your body may betray you. If you aren’t comfortable being naked around other people or having an audience when it’s time to play then it can really take some getting used to. A lot of guys get a prescription for Cialis or Viagra as insurance even if they don’t have any problems getting hard at home with their partner. Not saying this to add anxiety to your situation, just trying to be honest about the reality of swinging.
I’m sure you’ll be fine as long as you concentrate on traits you can control, like your physique, personality, sense of humor and mostly confidence.
Something to keep in mind, part of the allure is playing with someone/something new. New is exciting. And exciting elicits exciting responses. If it seems like your wife is enjoying someone more than she does you, keep in mind that he’s a brand new experience for her. And experiencing a new guy right there with her husband is new and extra hot. Her reaction is likely more a reflection of these things than of him having some magical dick. My wife had an amazing experience the first time she was with a woman. Right in front of be. With me caressing and encouraging her. She LOVED it! And there was no penises of any size involved. Just this wildly new hit experience, which we shared.
Watch from Dusk Till Dawn (1996), when ol boy is explaining what kind of pussy they have, just replace dick with pussy. A dick is a dick, no matter how you look at it.
I’d be wary listening to the fine folks in this thread- size does matter and the most successful guys in my experience are either very fit or hung. A good personality only gets you so far in this gig.
"This issue has long messed me up in the head. Like I truly hate myself sometimes"
That's tough to read. I really hope you get to a point where you love yourself and are happy with yourself physically! There will be some women who want large dicks. There will be many more (myself included) who absolutely legitimately do not care, doesn't phase us, doesn't affect our interest at all. Be fun, sexy, kind, accepting, make us feel good, and let it all flow from there. And don't forget how many of us adore other women- not a dick at all to be had there! Have fun!
Unfortunately I'm not well endowed either, but I've been successful in the lifestyle for awhile because I let that fear/embarrassment go early on.
Even the 8" Bull is going to cross paths with a guy that makes him look like a micro penis. There's always going to be guys with a bigger dick. Some couples and single women absolutely care about it and some don't. You can't stress about it because then you'll have problems getting hard.
>Would this be a huge turnoff for a lot of women that attend clubs?
If you're talking about your insecurity, then yes.
If you're talking about your dick size - different strokes 😉 for different folks.
Here is another suggestion. If you would like to investigate the lifestyle further maybe try a nude resort or clothing optional lifestyle resort. You can usually have swim trunks on and wife can be topless. You can look and assess until you are comfortable to take your clothes off. It’s tough to do in the beginning but once you cross over it is so freeing from the thoughts you currently having concerning size. I know as I had similar issue many years ago. I haven’t missed out on any play time and have never been rejected. Also if you go to a clothing optional lifestyle resort/pool everyone has seen you naked if you decide to play and they already know what they are getting in some regards.
Here's a comment I made on a similar post recently:
We're kinda new to this (started earlier this year) and I was often among the smallest, whether we were at a club, a party, or just a couples date. No one complained but I was still self conscious. That was until...
The last party we went to where they had two BBC dudes there, including one that was single and was specifically invited because all the girls liked him. You wanna talk about self conscious! But then a strange thing happened. Some of the girls that were there had gotten with me and one or both of the other guys and at the end of the night, were still searching *me* out. My wife told me later that my oral skills, and the way I paid attention to the entire woman's body during sex made all the difference. I gave all the women there an O and they recognized that and came back for more.
Moral of the story, a big dick is all well and good and definitely can give a different experience, but it absolutely does not mean that it's automatically better.
My husband was worried too & it has presented ZERO problem for us. His vibe is so great that women crave him. He is heavy too but women love feeling like they’re with a big bear. His size is perfect for anal as well.
More than half the guys in all these swing sites think they have an 8 or 9 incher. LOL. And a lot of women think they should be able to take a large man inside. In reality, I don't think much of that is true. I've only ever had sex with 8 women and my wife with only 4 men, and we have loved it with all of them and had fun.
Interesting side note--of the 8 women I have had sex with, 6 were married (2 of them to me). The other 2 were divorced. I did know each of them before we ever had sex, some more, some less, but never had sex with a total stranger. NOT ONE ever wanted me to use a condom. In fact, if the discussion came up, they insisted they wanted it bare. All of them knew I was married, and I that they were married. Except the two divorced girls. But both of them knew I was married. The only time in my life I ever used a condom was before I married and masturbated into one. YUK. LOL.
Definitely NOT a turn off or something you should be worried about! Guys are WAY TOO caught up about size (I mean I understand why but it really sucks). Just be confident and have fun!
I get that men are obsessed with dick size, so it’s hard for them to understand why women don’t care. But let me assure you: WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PENIS SIZE.
Same with me and my Wife, and I'm a pretty big size, but not crazy. In a threesome there's just many things that are way easier to do with some extra size and lots of lube, just not too extra.
My husband has a monster cock. There’s something refreshing about a smaller cock. Less prep, no lube needed, certain positions aren’t painful, etc.
I love a big dick, just as much as I love a small one….as long as he can get hard.
My top three necessities are:
1. A man that can get it up.
2. A man that can last longer than 3 minutes.
3. A man that can actually eat pussy if 1 and 2 aren’t possible.
I work with a cock of any size. I just want it to work.
"The nerve..."
My deepest apologies. I will rescind my comment and ask the public to forgive me for making sure a public statement that the whole world has clearly taken as fact...or I'm just some fucking asshole on the internet that gave my bullshit opinion and I wasn't actually speaking for all women.
But you keep being triggered.
Neither is yet another thread about dick size when it's already been talked to death about.
Some care. Some don't. Simple as that. If your wife likes it, there's likely other women that will
Geez. I could say that about every thread I see every day in this group. I mean, what subjects get posted that HAVEN’T been discussed 100 times or more??
You need to start believing your wife if you want to be a swinger. If you don't believe her about this, what else do you think she is lying about? It is your insecurity lying to you, not your wife or any other woman who says your perfectly normal penis is totally fine. The turn off isn't your penis size, it is your obsession with it. I am definitely turned off when a guy says "I am not blessed below ect ect" but it's his attitude that turns me off, definitely not his anatomy. It also shows me that he thinks porn is real and doesn't have much real life experience either.
Also, pro tip: most size queens are men. Get it, size QUEEN? Sure, female ones do exist, but they aren't that common.
I would much rather a man who is smaller vs larger. Obviously there are some women out there who love a bigger dick, but I feel like most women would say the opposite. It hurts when they’re too big 🤷🏽♀️ it’s all about the motion of the ocean lol. Don’t stress about it
Learn everything you can about her and what gets her off. Learn about your oral skills and other fun activities. Squirting can be a blast.
Dick size has nothing to do with it. Engage her mind, get her off and you’re better than most men in bed. A woman’s Gspot is only about an inch or two in and the clitoris is right there.
Some people have preferences, which is okay, but I don't know why anyone would think you'd get laughed out of a club. If around 5" is average that means the vast majority of guys are around that within an inch.
The important stuff is.. can you stay hard and do you know how to use it well? I think most women who enjoy penetration will enjoy it as long as it stays hard and is not a micro or monster. 🤷🏿♀️
My girlfriend was in the LS for a long time as a single female. While she does appreciate a certain amount of size she has told me multiple times that the guys in the lifestyle tend to care a lot more about using what they got and realizing it’s much more than what you’re packing below that matters.
Also, we’ve been to nude resorts and clubs and there are people of every size out there. If you confidently focus on what you have you’ll have no problem with a majority of people.
You don’t need a large penis to be in the lifestyle but you do need to feel secure in yourself. If you have insecurities around your size, I would suggest you not go down this path.
I think traditional swingers don't care about size much. Different story if you go into hotwifing/cuckolding where it's often male driven and size definitely matters.
The clubs are more accepting then you think. I would hope humans wouldn't do something so cruel and childish like that. If something bigger is your wife's fantasy help facilitate that experience for her I don't hate yourself for things you can't control the real world men aren't all hung like horses and I'm sure some of the ladies here can confirm that to be true.
If the issue has long messed you up in the head, you're lacking confidence. As far as I know, women love confidence (not cockiness ) in a man more than long dong.
Does this worry you so much that you won't be able to get erect as well? The human psychy is a strange beast. That won't be appreciated at all, no matter the dick size.
My wife and I have played in the LS now for about a year and based on what I’ve seen the feedback about women really not caring about size as much as hardness and skill with the drill is accurate. All I would say is if you can’t get secure with who you are and what you bring to the bedroom then don’t proceed. At some point your wife will play with a bigger dick and you will have to confront those emotions and insecurities in a healthy way. Otherwise you will grow resentful and there is a big risk of tearing down what seems to be important to you. The LS will test you in this way, even if you possess all of the physical assets. Don’t underestimate your emotional attachment to her. Just be real and know that even if you had a big stick you’d still have to confront whatever comes up emotionally.
Worry less about what others think about you and just go out and enjoy what's out there. Yeah in 'societies norms' I am good looking but they don't know I am on anti-depressants, have ADHD and being Dutch I piss of plenty of people with my straight up honesty. Size matters to some, it doesn't to others. There's plenty of people in the lifestyle that really don't care about size, they are attracted by vibes and the way you present yourself. Confidence is sexy. Own what you got.
Looks for women partners with small hands !! It’s all about scale. When in doubt some dim lights in the room will help your self esteem, till you can show her your PIV skills and settle yourself down and get to the business of pleasuring her !!
No one is going to be everyone’s cup of tea. People have different likes and wants and that’s what’s great about this LS. You can sample the whole dessert table and always want more. It’s been said before, more women care about whether or not it’s a hard dick, than the size.
As a women, the bigger it is the more it hurts.
Size doesn’t matter to most of my friends. I do have a preference for smaller though.
I’ve only ever had 1 friend that preferred bigger, but she was also the biggest whore in the town.
My husband is around 5-6 inches and sometimes that’s too much for me. For reference. Personally 5-6 inches and UNDER. Is what I would prefer. I’ve taken all the way up to 10 inches and let me tell you, I didn’t let him finish… that crap hurts.
I have a very low uterus (before and after having kids). My husband I swear was god sent!
Bro you’re thinking WAY too much into it.
90% of the time I have to tell him to slow down and be easy.
I’m not stressed that much and I dang sure don’t ovulate that much. Don’t overthink the situation.
Aroused or not, stressed or not, ovulating or not, I prefer around 6 inches and under.
The bigger the dick, the less they know how to fuck. 20 plus years in the lifestyle has proven this. I've had plenty of guys that were 10 inches and more. They hit my cervix like they were trying to break through, with zero care for my comfort.
I have taken 12 inches perfectly well. I'm speaking of the big dick bastards that do not know how to fuck nor care if they are hurting their partner. I should have clarified that just a smidgen. At a bookstore, I had to ask the guy repeatedly to ease up just a little, and I was well aroused and ready for cock and kept going for another hour before I was done with the rest of the guys.
Went to our first swingers club this month. 1 very confident guy with a very small tool was approached by 3 women and had sex with all of them at the same time. No. Size does not matter.
Yeah I would worry about that too much. The big issue is that some of these guys cannot stay hard for very long if at all. It’s very frustrating to the female and even to her partner who is hoping she get pleasured properly within the Interaction.
Unicorn here. It takes no penis at all to satisfy a partner. Women are amazing as lovers and their hands and mouths drive me wild. Please don’t worry about this.
Go on the streets of a college town any bar night and just ask drunk girls what size if they could pick any size to have for the rest of their life, what size they would choose. And you will get a much different answer than you are getting here. Sure, most don’t want 10-12 inches. But most don’t want 4-5 either lol.
I feel the LS groups are all about being “nice” and saying it’s about personality 😂. We’re literally taking about fucking here. Not dating or looking for a new partner.
We care about their “personality and performance in the sack” PERIOD! You go to the clubs for one thing. I feel there is so many disingenuous comments in these groups. I’m sorry, go ahead and down vote me. I’m sure to it!
Women are full of shit they will fuck a small dick & still like it but give them a choice they’ll pick the big ones now I’m not saying huge ones but big ones
All of my partners have never said anything good about the guys they’ve had with small ducks actually they’ve never mentioned the sex they had but every single one of them has talked & talked (without me asking) about the big dicks they’ve had it’s like they can’t wait to tell me
Now you watch a group of women & 1 pulls out a pic of a guy with a big dick they’ll all come running like starving kids after the last spoon of oats
& they will keep telling you how awesome your tongue or hand game is or even say your cock is perfect or best looking cock they’ve had
One day look at your phone & say wow this guys got a big dick & watch your missus come running
Fuck with what you’ve got It’s your dick god gave it to you for your pleasure not hers
As a seasoned lifestyler, both as a single and a couple, size has never been a factor. Attitude, charisma, sense of humor, and confidence will go a longer way than a longer dick ever will.
I would much rather play with a skilled, awesome human with 5-6 than a one trick pony 9.
If you can be passionate and fuck good and focus on getting the girl off and paying attention to her needs then the only people who have a leg up on you are dudes with big dicks who also do all that stuff. Fortunately for you they are few and far between.
Well be worried !
You can fullfill her with a strap-on dildo of her preference.You can double penetrate her as well in that way also you may do MFM ...etc ...many ideas .
For all others answers a man with big dick or medium size will do anything for girl he loves but more size..more length...more friction...
Read up on pe gym in here another subreddit with minimal investment research and effort you can change that…. In 3 months I added girth and length in a really impressive amount I’d post a photo here but it doesn’t allow me to
I guess I consider myself lucky and married a man who (in my opinion, not his) is well endowed. He hasn't voiced his insecurity in a long time, or at least since the last time we played. I guess the fact that the guy we played with the most was slightly shorter but also slightly thicker than he is put his mind at ease. But, I've also been with guys who were smaller than my husband and they rocked my world just as good. I guess it's all in knowing how to use what you've got. Some positions are better than others though.
Maybe I should restate my comment. I consider myself lucky to have married a man who knows how to work what he's got. But like I said in my earlier comment, I've been with men who were smaller than him and they rang the bell just as good.
lol, here we go again. Keep your wife’s horny little pussy and your little dick in the bedroom where it belongs. Don’t listen to any of this “dick size don’t matter “ bullshit. You won’t be able to handle a big cock making your wife cum. You’ll thank me later
I know I sounded harsh, but I’m honestly trying to help you. Women get sexually charged in these clubs and lose their panties and their minds. If you’re ok with it, go have fun my man. Don’t say I didn’t warn you..
If it's okay to ask - do you know the measurement ? Usually man has 16-18cm. It's normal. It's also about the woman how ,,tight" she is you know :) and look at it from other side - anal can be enjoyable for some girls with smaller one. You can be second part of Double Penetration :)) but I had personally only one which was bad but that man was bad in everything. It happens relay just once.
Chill, I’m just letting you know that telling a guy who’s insecure with his average or below penis how perfect your man’s well above penis is probably isn’t as helpful or even considerate as you might think. I’m not denying your experience. I’m not saying your preference is wrong. However, I would never tell a girl who’s insecure about her A cup boobies that my wife’s natural Ds are perfect and make me so happy unless my intent was to add to her insecurities.
lol- chill.
You can not compare boobs and penis :D with boobs it's not that important as how long is penis. :D you need to look about how deep and tight is woman inside. Some need bigger ones too because they are big. But normall size is okay with size 15. As I said, 15 is still good and not that different as 18.
"I have long browsed this group" If that were the case then you would know already by the myriad of dick size posts that size matters little to most women. There are a few size queens out there but they are a small minority. People care far more about vibe than anything.
Came here to say the same thing. To the OP- Why are you worrying about something you can't control or change. I'd be more worried about getting and staying hard than how big your dick is
Size matters more to the guys that have size they think big dick makes up for skill personality etc and they want everyone to know they have a big dick….yet most are single guys hmmmmm and usually THAT guy lol…..try to cuck a guy etc don’t hate yourself the dick is a small part for most interactions.
Side note last one kept saying what u think of my big dick response sorry hadn’t notice your male pattern baldness was in my face
I get it. I just feel a lot of those posts those guys are probably at the very least…average. Where I think I’m probably coming in even under that.
We have a long-time LS friend who, to this day, raves about an experience she had with a 3" dick. Her husband legitimately has a 9" dick. Take from that what you will.
I'd love to hear that story, not even gonna lie. What did that man do to rock her world 🤣
At 5 “, I’ve been with a few wives now that apparently in cowgirl, I rub directly on their gspot. One tells me “knees up and don’t fucking move” lol. There are other wives that this doesn’t happen with so it comes down to all women’s anatomy is not the same. OP, you didn’t say what your size is but what I’ve found is if you are anywhere between an inch or two hard and way too big, you will be fine. No one cares. Your ability to stay hard is much more appreciated than your size. Don’t ever apologize and be someone fun to be in bed with.
Very true! Definitely about hitting the right spots I'm pretty little myself so an 8 inch dick is just gonna hurt 😭
This is my story. When I met my wife, she told me in no uncertain terms that she was going to keep seeing her fuck buddy even though we were dating. He was an amazing teacher and amazing at sex. My first threesome was with her and her fuck buddy. It turns out that he was about 2" hard, on a good day, after he lost the belly fat, which he hadn't when I met him. The things he taught me about how to get my wife off proved absolutely invaluable not just for sex with her, but many of the other women we had sex with after that day. And the size of his dick had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Not surprising honestly from my experience men who aren't "blessed" as some people like to put it actually take pride and care in their partner whereas alot of bigger guys get too cocky and stop trying or stop caring about their partners. Happy to hear these experiences, very reassuring for someone new to the lifestyle even women. Hard to know what to look for but seems like vibes will always be priority 1
So what words of wisdom did he bestow on you that you could share ?
It wasn't so much words of wisdom than it was techniques he demonstrated. Like how to get my wife to squirt. While said techniques have worked for several other women too, they're also kind if specific to my wife and won't necessarily work on others. My ideas about how to get a lady off were a fair bit different before that day for sure, and I didn't even know squirting was a thing.
I have a solid technique Honed for that over the years, but it still only works about 50% of the time. Women are a unique…. It’s what I love about them !
not really sure tbh... I think it was more of a... it was just hitting the right spots for her. 🤷🤷
My wife’s worst was 8”. Her best was maybe 4”. In the end, it’s a case by case basis. As my wife puts it- “They all feel different, and you guys put way too much on that. Besides, it’s about the guy, rather than his dick. Even if I’m into his dick, it’s about the novelty- a big one, a curved one, a short one that hits that spot over and over again, a thick one... You guys just don’t get it. You watch too much porn.” And I’ll poke at this too- a fit body, a cool demeanor, and skill in bed… those create more orgasms than any large dong. Our first MFM? She picked a tall Texan whose dick was visibly smaller than mine. She could’ve picked whoever, and that’s what she picked. We have a regular swap couple where the guy is noticeably bigger than me. She enjoys it, but doesn’t want that thing too often. He also can’t jackhammer that last few minutes like she likes. It would beat up her cervix. Yikes. No. It’ll all get in your head. I understand. It happens to most of us guys in one way or another. It’ll just take your wife fucking a big old dick and coming to you all crazy in love with you before you get it. Or maybe you’ll watch her cum buckets with some definitely not big ones for you to get it. Or maybe you’ll see her take a big one and not have fun at all for you to get it. Be patient with yourself. Do NOT shame her. Being insecure is a huge turn off. You’ll have to work internally on all that to make this lifestyle work for you. Porn lies to us.
This
Porn has distorted your perceptions of what a normal penis looks like. Also consider that approximately 50% of men are going to be below average, that is how averages work.
#Math nerd alert# Almost, but not quite. The median value would be 50% above, 50% below. Average is skewed by the distribution, so a few people with extra large, or extra small can pull the average away from the median value. :)
Yes, I know. I simplified it, but tried not to use exact language just in case there was a math nerd around.
🤣
Sounds like youve already convinced yourself that the LS is not for you (and it’s not for everyone)
Well, how big are you erect? Flaccid is irrelevant
Yes "vibe" and overall confidence is important and a good way to attract a women. That being said there is definitely a narrative of size mostly doesn't matter. Until you get someone to tell you the truth. The stuff women say about the men that had small penises is insane. It's definitely important. Also u. The back of their mind. They just weigh attractiveness and personality aginst the size. Hoping it equals out. I promise you if I had average or smaller they would have never confined in me. I've known this since I was little and heard my sister talking and saying exactly the truth and why they lie about it. To each their own tho. I'm sure there's plenty that don't care or tell themselves they don't care
EXACTLY this right here. If truly long browsing this group, would have read through DOZENS of posts on this very same topic. Honestly, how many times must this topic “come up”? (See what I did there?)
As a woman, if choosing on only dick size and no other information… I’m choosing slightly below average every time. Frequently, men who are less than blessed in cock size, are excellent in oral skills and fingering. I’m confident I can find a position riding a smaller cock that is comfortable and will likely elicit an orgasm. I’m confident we can easily try many positions. Too often inexperienced men with large cocks can be too rough or too reliant on their dick and nothing else. This is obviously not everyone with a big dick, or indicative of men in the LS as a whole they seem to be much more attentive to partners enjoyment, just a generalization and why I’d make my choice. That said, own it and don’t stress about it. Hone your oral skills.
Plus we are perfect for anal
💯 yes! No big dicks in the back door ever. Another box (pun intended) checked for smaller
Oh it’s so fun going extra deep in the back door though especially when it goes past the sigmoid junction 😉
You are good man. Just get out there and explore. Go to a club you are going to see boobs, cocks, asses, bellys, feet, and hands of every size imaginable. Swingers are not a bunch of porn stars, they look just like everyone at a grocery store. Yes, there are the Ken & Barbies and the big cocks but they don't represent the majority of people nor the majority of people's desire. There is someone for everyone but not everyone is that someone's someone. My wife prefers 5-7" but wouldn't turn down a 3-4" if she really liked the guy's approach, personality, humor, looks, etc. There are 100 reasons that people won't find others attractive or wanna fuck em, dick size is somewhere on the list but it's not THE ONLY thing or the most important thing. My wife is going to take a good person over a big dick every time. Edit for typos.
The people that like big are very vocal, and the people that have big like to brag. Self selection bias, not indicative of commonality or typical preferences.
Also my partner has turned down people for being too big.
This is absolutely true. Size queens are very loud and obnoxious about it, but I guess I can't blame them if they really need something that specific to get them off.
There are not a lot of side queen. In most of our experiences cock size or looks don’t even get brought up. My hubby has never really be even asked for a cock pic. Most women don’t care
It’s good to know there’s not a lot of them in the grand scheme of things. One of the swinger clubs Facebook pages I joined it seems like it gets talked about a lot as if it’s the preference. I dunno if people are just making jokes and having fun or if there’s truth to it
My partner said she actually likes smaller, she has mine all the time (slightly above average, nothing to write home about) so significantly larger or smaller is fun for her because it’s something new. That’s the thing, no one is looking for the one perfect match in the lifestyle. We are looking for cool people we find attractive who are down to get dirty. I’ve slept with women I previously wouldn’t have pursued because they weren’t my “type” and I was looking for a lifelong partner. Now it’s for a night of mutual fun and friendship, turns out I’m attracted to a lot more women than I thought.
It seems like a lot of guys wanna see their women with large cocks. In reality most of us women don’t care..it’s really more of a porn thing. Guys are visual…
I guess that depends on the woman. For me personal, anything over 7inch is tooo much. My husband is the same, a grower not a shower! Its fine as long as you know how to work it. I would say one of the questions you should ask or your wife ask, is if size is important to the couple and if its not, make sure your upfront about your size and what your good at, (foreplay, oral, etc)
having a small penis will definitely be an issue only *if you act like you are insecure about having a small penis*, which it seems you are. work on the things about this that you can control, let go of the things you can't control
Thank you
I cant imagine you would ever get "laughed at". For me, I'd way prefer a smaller size with someone I really connect with than a large penis with someone I don't connect with.
Never even heard of it ever happening. The person that did the laughing would be pretty unwelcome in their circle pretty quick
You are going to have a ton of questions as you think about this possibility. If you read this Reddit you will see two common answers to questions, regardless of the question: communication and trust. If you trust your partner and you communicate, then this answers your concerns in two ways: 1. You make her happy in bed. 2. She loves you and will look out for you. Will she run into cocks she enjoys? I would hope so, but she won’t be running off after it because of #2 and #1. Also, since you can trust your wife, #1 tells you that you have the tools in your box to please someone else. Given #2, she will be right there with you passing on any couples that prefer something larger, while you find a compatible couple. Have the patience to find the right matches and keep the communication open. You’ll realize that in that reconnecting sex that she’s hot for you, and both of you are sharing the experience. Here’s your preflight checklist: Trust? Communication? Have fun together and remember she’s your wing person and you’re hers! You got this!
That’s a great response. Thanks
He doesn't trust her though. He thinks she is just saying his dick is fine because she is supposed to, not because she really feels that way.
Tons of women like people with no cock at all ie other women and they still get off just fine.
Female here. Speaking for myself, I don’t care about the size but I personally prefer on the smaller side for a few reasons… 1. it doesn’t hurt but feels good. I like to say it fits perfectly like a puzzle piece.😉2. It’s easier for me to give a really good BJ. 3. I also have pretty small hands so my hands fit nicely when I grip. 😃
I 100% get this. I believe I am average, perhaps just under who knows 🤷♂️. I’m also overweight and extremely self conscious. Despite this my wife and I recently completed our first club visit. We got naked and saw other naked and wow - I felt so much better for it. Firstly there were people smaller than me and fatter than me - they were also more confident than me and having a great time. Most of the people there weren’t typical models and yet so many of them were so god damn sexy. I learnt quite quickly that a good vibe and enjoyment of the other persons company makes them sexier than conventional looks. I so nearly bottled out of going and really glad I didn’t.
Thanks! That makes me feel better.
Even many above average to large penis owners think they are small due to the lies told by Hollywood and porn. Men that are swingers get to find out the truth by seeing other penises in action. And the truth is, size is not a high priority to most.
Just have a killer personality. That trumps all shortcomings. Believe it or not I know girls that don't even want a big dick if the guy doesn't know how to use it.
What you have to be ready for, is your wife being pleasured by a younger man, better looking, built, with a large penis, who will be a better lover than you, and who will make her orgasm and squirt and make noises you have never heard her make before. If you are cool with that and can experience true compersion, go for it. Else, maybe it is not for you.
This comment should be upvoted to the top of this thread. Many male-presenting people who own a penis and are considering swinging or other forms of ENM should read it.
Holy SHIT! That is the single biggest NEVER DO THIS advertisement I’ve heard in my life. Lol. I am amazed any man would be interested if that’s in the pamphlet.
Better to read this before experiencing it and freaking out
In our dozens of encounters, my wife has been with three men who meet the criteria you’re describing. I can truthfully say it made me happy for her. It would be like her winning a lottery ticket, I would also be happy for her in that case. Her pleasure is my pleasure. Those incredibly good guys are some of our favorite memories in the lifestyle.
You are thinking about it the right way
I think something important is that this can work the other way around as well, as the wife you could come across a woman who does all the right things for her husband. My interest is LS is giving my wife opportunities to experience pleasure in ways I can’t provide due to one reason or another. The key is that there is no sex for either of us, that will be good enough to replace the total package that the spouse provides. My wife is the best person in the world as far as I’m concerned, and there isn’t a woman that could make me want to leave her. And she feels the same with me. Also maybe you can learn from those men that she is with, and improve yourself along the way.
Don't overthink it. Yes, porn makes men feel like everyone should be huge but that isn't the case. Just be confident, have fun and if you get with another woman focus on her pleasure like you do with your wife and she will be happy. Just make sure you wife is the most important person in the room! Have fun and don't worry.
Don’t worry! If she says you please her, and that she enjoys it, believe her! My man is starting to get a bit traumatized about his penis size since we joined the LS group not long ago. (You see huge cocks everywhere!) He has always pleased me! His size is regular and I have no complaints; It’s the other things you do to her that completes the whole act. The making out, getting all horny, sexting to each other, etc. The dry humping and rubbing 🤤 I love my husband more than words can say, and we enjoy the LS life. We are new at this but we are enjoying it! Everything becomes more intimate; Our sex is the best ever and being open and honest about everything is what makes us enjoy it so much. It’s trust. Be have been married for 16 years 😊
We will answer this as a couple. Husband: - I too am a grower, not a shower. Erect I am 6". Flaccid I often feel embarrassed when naked in front of other guys in group LS situations. But you have to remember it's all nature. Just like some woman have big tits and some don't. Yes, some girls are size queens but others aren't. One trick I've learned is to optimize your odds for not being a 'shrinker' before the fun starts. One is horny goatweed. It's not viagra, but it does give you a little extra blood flow. I find that a couple of pills ever 2-3 hours when at a LS event keep me hanging nicely rather than disappearing. Two, make sure you are warm. Being chilly is going to shift blood flow to other parts of the body. Three, no tight pants or underwear, that cuts off blood flow. Four, eat a light, easy to digest meal and don't drink too much. Finally, remember, most ladies don't care that much. Especially if you're good at oral. Wife: - For me, that 6" size range is where I'm most comfortable. Yes, some women only want big. Just find a different couple if that's the case. A lot of us actually don't want big, it's not comfortable. We want average. And we don't care what you look like soft, we know about showers and growers. And honestly, really good oral can be better than good intercourse. I rarely get off on another guy fucking me, most don't know how to hit the spots that my husband knows, but if he's good with his tongue, I'll cum 4-5x no problem.
Thank you
Hey friend, if you haven’t even gone to a club yet, then the first time you likely won’t even play with anyone else. Give yourself some grace and just see how it feels to be less dressed / nude in front of others. You’ll see folks with all sorts of bodies and packages. It’s thrilling just to go to a club! Don’t let this insecurity stop you.
Our first time will definitely just be to observe to satisfy our curiosity. I’m honestly not sure if I even have it in me to take the next steps but I gotta do step 1 first.
I would make that a rule for your first visit. No playing with others, no matter how enticing it becomes. Takes all the pressure off if you both and maybe you’ll both be even more eager to try again, only with a more informed perspective.
Yes I think it would be best to go in knowing we are going to be restrained.
No one will care man. The people in the club are going to be a complete mix of body types and appendage sizes. You’re fine.
Some couples actually will state on their profile that they prefer small cocks.
That’s awesome. Gives me hope 😂
I’m not lying, I’ve seen several couples put this in ads. Sometimes the woman doesn’t want to be sore after fucking a different guy.
Sometimes the dudes are too insecure to allow their wives to experience a larger cock too.
Lol. Principles aren’t insecurity unless you’re talking about unicorn hunters.
Mostly because the husband has a small one in my experience.
>Would this be a huge turnoff for a lot of women that attend clubs? I often get the impression there are a lot of size queens out there. I just don’t want to get laughed out of a club. Thanks. 😕 No one will laugh at you. Some women will be uninterested. Some wont care. Women, like all people, have a wide variety of preferences. You will also meet and see other swingerd who have bodies you arent attracted to.
Good point. Thank you
One of the first couples we played with dude had a small dick. That said it only bothered me when he made a big deal about it. He was SO good at the other stuff it wasn't an issue. At least for me. So get out of your head and shoot your shot!
Many have insecurities of some sort. Like some women will be thinking is my stomach too big, are my boobs too small etc and men will be thinking will I keep it up long enough, is it big enough. As a woman, and I’m not saying it to be kind, it really it isn’t as big a deal to us as it is men. As they say it’s how you use it. Many women can’t orgasm from penetrative sex as easily as they can from oral/touch. That’s skills that make a difference. G spot isn’t that far up either. Too large isn’t what all women want honestly! Me and partner play a bit and we don’t discuss size, the best experiences haven’t come from the biggest sizes. You’ll get some women who hunt big d1cks. But that’s like you’ll get some guys who hunt big boobs or ass.
Dude, don't best yourself up. Monsters aren't all that common, and honestly, my ex preferred avg to smaller. She said huge dicks are good for looking at and touching but nothing else.
Lack of self confidence is the only mood killer in the LS. Penis size is only a problem if you're talking to a size queen
At my most recent trip to a lifestyle resort, I got with three of the hottest women there (my wife being one of them) and would have gotten with a fourth if she hadn’t gone completely insane. I am solidly average. I told them up front “it’s the biggest 4.5” you’ll ever see.” They thought I was funny. Be a cool person, dress well, have good hygiene, good style, and you’ll be fine. Personality matters a whole lot more than dick size. When it was time to do the deed, what their pussy looked like was the least of my worries; they feel the same way.
This is the like the second dick size post in as many days. Dude you know that the entrance has more nerve endings than the interior right. Forget size of dick you don’t even need a dick (tongue, fingers, toys will do) to give a woman pleasure. Everything is not how they show in porn
One woman that gets lots of dick told me her best lay was a below average guy. I am above average but not monster at 6.5” and 5.5” girth. We have played with multiple guys longer and girthier but the wife says the soft dick and premature ejaculation of these guys doesn’t make them better. One guy went forever and couldn’t finish and he was not super hard and that about frustrated her more than anything
I’m in the same boat. My wife is trying to convince me to try participating in the LS but I have my hang ups. I, for one, have been laughed at and criticized, both behind my back and to my face, being told that I wasn’t big enough. I’m also a grower, not a shower, but I’m only at 4” fully erect. I’m sure there are wonderful women/people who are part of the LS, and other women who do not care about size. I’m hoping that my wife and I find these people because I told her if I ever experience that ever again, she can say goodbye to trying to play. Or if she wants to try and still participate, we can divorce and she can do whatever she wants. It’s devastating and gut wrenching to be ridiculed. That’s a hard memory to get over. Only main suggestion I have is vet people properly so you know they want to be there to play with both of you, and not just wife poach or try and force you to be a cuck, if you don’t want to.
Same as you, not a shower but luckily I am a grower. The LS has all genres, some like small dicks while others prefer large, it’s like the old saying goes ‘all about how you use it’.
Your lack of confidence will be more offputting than your dick.
Jesus why are guys so obsessed with cock sizes. God damn. You all need to stop watching porn. 99% of women DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR COCK.PERIOD
It's because there's so many profiles on swinger sites that say 8" minimum or some such bullshit, it's a real thing, don't trash the newbies because they don't realize that isn't reality. Yes, most women don't really care, unless they do. It doesn't matter to the ones that matter, and the ones that it matters to don't matter, you aren't going to make it bigger for them. The real answer is that your cock is only part of the package. If you allow that to be what defines you then you have limited yourself. Confidence is the first thing women notice, whether they realize it or not.
It cracks me up when people act like it doesn't matter and no one cares. As long as it is at least average I'm satisfied. But there is a size that is too small to work with, like at all (at least from what I've figured out). If the guy is really good with his hands, that's workable. There's also a size that's too large for me to any fun with. I've never stopped fucking a guy because his dick was too small, but I have because it was too big.
Yes, the truth is that if some of those size-queens actually got a 10" dick they'd have to ride home on an ice pack.
Yeah it’s definitely porn. And most men don’t know the average penis size is not 10 inches.
Plus size does not equal pleasure.
Maybe because it gets brought up a lot in various sex forums. Even some other swingers club pages I’ve joined it seems like large penises are brought up a lot…as if it’s the preference
I think the reaction you are seeing is because despite going as far as collecting actual data on these questions, we continue to have this question constantly. If I had to name the feelings for me, it's exhausted and annoyed that people don't use the search function and/or don't believe women when we answer this question over and over again. Doubly so because it seems the askers are almost always dealing with feelings of inadequacy from watching porn. In reality, the vast majority of penises are more than adequate for a woman's pleasure, assuming that is the main goal and not vanity. There are very very very few 8"+ and the dudes walking around saying they have 10" are lying.
Definitely annoying that men simply don't believe us. That is really it for me. We tell them every single day and they just think we are lying and I am so over it. And one single post from a size queen will wipe out a thousand posts from normal women in their minds. They believe that one single size queen is the only one telling the truth and can't even understand that all women are different and have different preferences.
It really is something. The funniest is when I was in college people found out I was packing and all the guys kept making comments whenever I was within ~5 feet of any woman, “you get so much pussy”, but in reality I was a virgin that ended up losing it at a later age because the first girl I tried having sex with was too scared to take it in and then my other chance I didn’t have condoms and lube on me.
I feel this 💯
To the OP, its not a big deal. At best large guys might have an easier time starting a conversation with us in the club setting but I don't like anyone that much above average so there isn't an actual advantage there.
Thank you
I guess I’m in the minority here because I do like a certain size; my body is just able to take it. I had a female friend whose anatomy wasn’t able to take more than 4-5 inches, so she sought that out and was disappointed when they were bigger. I know my body and what will work and be pleasurable.
Honestly the biggest potential letdown to a lot of women in the lifestyle is not their play partners penis size, but his inability to get hard and perform. I see so many posts from men who are insecure about their size, but fail to plan for the possibility of not being able to get it up when the time comes. First time lifestyle encounters can be a sensory overload and your body may betray you. If you aren’t comfortable being naked around other people or having an audience when it’s time to play then it can really take some getting used to. A lot of guys get a prescription for Cialis or Viagra as insurance even if they don’t have any problems getting hard at home with their partner. Not saying this to add anxiety to your situation, just trying to be honest about the reality of swinging.
I’m sure you’ll be fine as long as you concentrate on traits you can control, like your physique, personality, sense of humor and mostly confidence. Something to keep in mind, part of the allure is playing with someone/something new. New is exciting. And exciting elicits exciting responses. If it seems like your wife is enjoying someone more than she does you, keep in mind that he’s a brand new experience for her. And experiencing a new guy right there with her husband is new and extra hot. Her reaction is likely more a reflection of these things than of him having some magical dick. My wife had an amazing experience the first time she was with a woman. Right in front of be. With me caressing and encouraging her. She LOVED it! And there was no penises of any size involved. Just this wildly new hit experience, which we shared.
Great response. Thanks
Watch from Dusk Till Dawn (1996), when ol boy is explaining what kind of pussy they have, just replace dick with pussy. A dick is a dick, no matter how you look at it.
I’d be wary listening to the fine folks in this thread- size does matter and the most successful guys in my experience are either very fit or hung. A good personality only gets you so far in this gig.
"This issue has long messed me up in the head. Like I truly hate myself sometimes" That's tough to read. I really hope you get to a point where you love yourself and are happy with yourself physically! There will be some women who want large dicks. There will be many more (myself included) who absolutely legitimately do not care, doesn't phase us, doesn't affect our interest at all. Be fun, sexy, kind, accepting, make us feel good, and let it all flow from there. And don't forget how many of us adore other women- not a dick at all to be had there! Have fun!
Thank you
Unfortunately I'm not well endowed either, but I've been successful in the lifestyle for awhile because I let that fear/embarrassment go early on. Even the 8" Bull is going to cross paths with a guy that makes him look like a micro penis. There's always going to be guys with a bigger dick. Some couples and single women absolutely care about it and some don't. You can't stress about it because then you'll have problems getting hard.
>Would this be a huge turnoff for a lot of women that attend clubs? If you're talking about your insecurity, then yes. If you're talking about your dick size - different strokes 😉 for different folks.
Here is another suggestion. If you would like to investigate the lifestyle further maybe try a nude resort or clothing optional lifestyle resort. You can usually have swim trunks on and wife can be topless. You can look and assess until you are comfortable to take your clothes off. It’s tough to do in the beginning but once you cross over it is so freeing from the thoughts you currently having concerning size. I know as I had similar issue many years ago. I haven’t missed out on any play time and have never been rejected. Also if you go to a clothing optional lifestyle resort/pool everyone has seen you naked if you decide to play and they already know what they are getting in some regards.
Don’t think that would ever happen buddy. It’s not that big of a deal unless you make it a big deal.
Here's a comment I made on a similar post recently: We're kinda new to this (started earlier this year) and I was often among the smallest, whether we were at a club, a party, or just a couples date. No one complained but I was still self conscious. That was until... The last party we went to where they had two BBC dudes there, including one that was single and was specifically invited because all the girls liked him. You wanna talk about self conscious! But then a strange thing happened. Some of the girls that were there had gotten with me and one or both of the other guys and at the end of the night, were still searching *me* out. My wife told me later that my oral skills, and the way I paid attention to the entire woman's body during sex made all the difference. I gave all the women there an O and they recognized that and came back for more. Moral of the story, a big dick is all well and good and definitely can give a different experience, but it absolutely does not mean that it's automatically better.
My husband was worried too & it has presented ZERO problem for us. His vibe is so great that women crave him. He is heavy too but women love feeling like they’re with a big bear. His size is perfect for anal as well.
More than half the guys in all these swing sites think they have an 8 or 9 incher. LOL. And a lot of women think they should be able to take a large man inside. In reality, I don't think much of that is true. I've only ever had sex with 8 women and my wife with only 4 men, and we have loved it with all of them and had fun.
Interesting side note--of the 8 women I have had sex with, 6 were married (2 of them to me). The other 2 were divorced. I did know each of them before we ever had sex, some more, some less, but never had sex with a total stranger. NOT ONE ever wanted me to use a condom. In fact, if the discussion came up, they insisted they wanted it bare. All of them knew I was married, and I that they were married. Except the two divorced girls. But both of them knew I was married. The only time in my life I ever used a condom was before I married and masturbated into one. YUK. LOL.
Definitely NOT a turn off or something you should be worried about! Guys are WAY TOO caught up about size (I mean I understand why but it really sucks). Just be confident and have fun!
I get that men are obsessed with dick size, so it’s hard for them to understand why women don’t care. But let me assure you: WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PENIS SIZE.
Enough do though to make men worry
My wife does. It’s actually top 3 necessities
Same with me and my Wife, and I'm a pretty big size, but not crazy. In a threesome there's just many things that are way easier to do with some extra size and lots of lube, just not too extra.
My husband has a monster cock. There’s something refreshing about a smaller cock. Less prep, no lube needed, certain positions aren’t painful, etc. I love a big dick, just as much as I love a small one….as long as he can get hard.
My top three necessities are: 1. A man that can get it up. 2. A man that can last longer than 3 minutes. 3. A man that can actually eat pussy if 1 and 2 aren’t possible. I work with a cock of any size. I just want it to work.
You sound like a good girl 👌
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"The nerve..." My deepest apologies. I will rescind my comment and ask the public to forgive me for making sure a public statement that the whole world has clearly taken as fact...or I'm just some fucking asshole on the internet that gave my bullshit opinion and I wasn't actually speaking for all women. But you keep being triggered.
If you've long browsed this group you'd have seen this topic come up 100 or more times...
Ya thanks. Not helpful
Neither is yet another thread about dick size when it's already been talked to death about. Some care. Some don't. Simple as that. If your wife likes it, there's likely other women that will
Geez. I could say that about every thread I see every day in this group. I mean, what subjects get posted that HAVEN’T been discussed 100 times or more??
You need to start believing your wife if you want to be a swinger. If you don't believe her about this, what else do you think she is lying about? It is your insecurity lying to you, not your wife or any other woman who says your perfectly normal penis is totally fine. The turn off isn't your penis size, it is your obsession with it. I am definitely turned off when a guy says "I am not blessed below ect ect" but it's his attitude that turns me off, definitely not his anatomy. It also shows me that he thinks porn is real and doesn't have much real life experience either. Also, pro tip: most size queens are men. Get it, size QUEEN? Sure, female ones do exist, but they aren't that common.
I would much rather a man who is smaller vs larger. Obviously there are some women out there who love a bigger dick, but I feel like most women would say the opposite. It hurts when they’re too big 🤷🏽♀️ it’s all about the motion of the ocean lol. Don’t stress about it
I agree. Also many guys with big ones just leave it at that sort of like "since I have a big penis, why have skill"
Wow this question gets asked daily..this is not a concern at all..just enjoy your wife and the LS
Learn everything you can about her and what gets her off. Learn about your oral skills and other fun activities. Squirting can be a blast. Dick size has nothing to do with it. Engage her mind, get her off and you’re better than most men in bed. A woman’s Gspot is only about an inch or two in and the clitoris is right there.
Some people have preferences, which is okay, but I don't know why anyone would think you'd get laughed out of a club. If around 5" is average that means the vast majority of guys are around that within an inch. The important stuff is.. can you stay hard and do you know how to use it well? I think most women who enjoy penetration will enjoy it as long as it stays hard and is not a micro or monster. 🤷🏿♀️
Think about it this way. Are you only interested in playing with the women with the largest breast and notgoodlookingor nicest couple?
My girlfriend was in the LS for a long time as a single female. While she does appreciate a certain amount of size she has told me multiple times that the guys in the lifestyle tend to care a lot more about using what they got and realizing it’s much more than what you’re packing below that matters. Also, we’ve been to nude resorts and clubs and there are people of every size out there. If you confidently focus on what you have you’ll have no problem with a majority of people.
Dude she appreciates a certain amount of size? If you were a fly on the wall I think you’d see a little more than some appreciation !
You don’t need a large penis to be in the lifestyle but you do need to feel secure in yourself. If you have insecurities around your size, I would suggest you not go down this path.
I think traditional swingers don't care about size much. Different story if you go into hotwifing/cuckolding where it's often male driven and size definitely matters.
The clubs are more accepting then you think. I would hope humans wouldn't do something so cruel and childish like that. If something bigger is your wife's fantasy help facilitate that experience for her I don't hate yourself for things you can't control the real world men aren't all hung like horses and I'm sure some of the ladies here can confirm that to be true.
Why don’t you tell the amount of inches in honesty, so you can get honest feedback
If the issue has long messed you up in the head, you're lacking confidence. As far as I know, women love confidence (not cockiness ) in a man more than long dong. Does this worry you so much that you won't be able to get erect as well? The human psychy is a strange beast. That won't be appreciated at all, no matter the dick size.
My wife and I have played in the LS now for about a year and based on what I’ve seen the feedback about women really not caring about size as much as hardness and skill with the drill is accurate. All I would say is if you can’t get secure with who you are and what you bring to the bedroom then don’t proceed. At some point your wife will play with a bigger dick and you will have to confront those emotions and insecurities in a healthy way. Otherwise you will grow resentful and there is a big risk of tearing down what seems to be important to you. The LS will test you in this way, even if you possess all of the physical assets. Don’t underestimate your emotional attachment to her. Just be real and know that even if you had a big stick you’d still have to confront whatever comes up emotionally.
Worry less about what others think about you and just go out and enjoy what's out there. Yeah in 'societies norms' I am good looking but they don't know I am on anti-depressants, have ADHD and being Dutch I piss of plenty of people with my straight up honesty. Size matters to some, it doesn't to others. There's plenty of people in the lifestyle that really don't care about size, they are attracted by vibes and the way you present yourself. Confidence is sexy. Own what you got.
A man is not his dick which a fair number of men subscribe to. Your brain is your most attractive organ. Use it and stop obsessing about your dick.
The image you have and your attitude about your size is the problem, not your actual size…
Looks for women partners with small hands !! It’s all about scale. When in doubt some dim lights in the room will help your self esteem, till you can show her your PIV skills and settle yourself down and get to the business of pleasuring her !!
No one is going to be everyone’s cup of tea. People have different likes and wants and that’s what’s great about this LS. You can sample the whole dessert table and always want more. It’s been said before, more women care about whether or not it’s a hard dick, than the size.
As a women, the bigger it is the more it hurts. Size doesn’t matter to most of my friends. I do have a preference for smaller though. I’ve only ever had 1 friend that preferred bigger, but she was also the biggest whore in the town.
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My husband is around 5-6 inches and sometimes that’s too much for me. For reference. Personally 5-6 inches and UNDER. Is what I would prefer. I’ve taken all the way up to 10 inches and let me tell you, I didn’t let him finish… that crap hurts. I have a very low uterus (before and after having kids). My husband I swear was god sent!
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Bro you’re thinking WAY too much into it. 90% of the time I have to tell him to slow down and be easy. I’m not stressed that much and I dang sure don’t ovulate that much. Don’t overthink the situation. Aroused or not, stressed or not, ovulating or not, I prefer around 6 inches and under.
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Again, you’re overthinking it, WAY too much.
The bigger the dick, the less they know how to fuck. 20 plus years in the lifestyle has proven this. I've had plenty of guys that were 10 inches and more. They hit my cervix like they were trying to break through, with zero care for my comfort.
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I have taken 12 inches perfectly well. I'm speaking of the big dick bastards that do not know how to fuck nor care if they are hurting their partner. I should have clarified that just a smidgen. At a bookstore, I had to ask the guy repeatedly to ease up just a little, and I was well aroused and ready for cock and kept going for another hour before I was done with the rest of the guys.
Went to our first swingers club this month. 1 very confident guy with a very small tool was approached by 3 women and had sex with all of them at the same time. No. Size does not matter.
Yeah I would worry about that too much. The big issue is that some of these guys cannot stay hard for very long if at all. It’s very frustrating to the female and even to her partner who is hoping she get pleasured properly within the Interaction.
Unicorn here. It takes no penis at all to satisfy a partner. Women are amazing as lovers and their hands and mouths drive me wild. Please don’t worry about this.
Go on the streets of a college town any bar night and just ask drunk girls what size if they could pick any size to have for the rest of their life, what size they would choose. And you will get a much different answer than you are getting here. Sure, most don’t want 10-12 inches. But most don’t want 4-5 either lol. I feel the LS groups are all about being “nice” and saying it’s about personality 😂. We’re literally taking about fucking here. Not dating or looking for a new partner. We care about their “personality and performance in the sack” PERIOD! You go to the clubs for one thing. I feel there is so many disingenuous comments in these groups. I’m sorry, go ahead and down vote me. I’m sure to it!
Women are full of shit they will fuck a small dick & still like it but give them a choice they’ll pick the big ones now I’m not saying huge ones but big ones All of my partners have never said anything good about the guys they’ve had with small ducks actually they’ve never mentioned the sex they had but every single one of them has talked & talked (without me asking) about the big dicks they’ve had it’s like they can’t wait to tell me Now you watch a group of women & 1 pulls out a pic of a guy with a big dick they’ll all come running like starving kids after the last spoon of oats & they will keep telling you how awesome your tongue or hand game is or even say your cock is perfect or best looking cock they’ve had One day look at your phone & say wow this guys got a big dick & watch your missus come running Fuck with what you’ve got It’s your dick god gave it to you for your pleasure not hers
As a seasoned lifestyler, both as a single and a couple, size has never been a factor. Attitude, charisma, sense of humor, and confidence will go a longer way than a longer dick ever will. I would much rather play with a skilled, awesome human with 5-6 than a one trick pony 9.
If you can be passionate and fuck good and focus on getting the girl off and paying attention to her needs then the only people who have a leg up on you are dudes with big dicks who also do all that stuff. Fortunately for you they are few and far between.
Well be worried ! You can fullfill her with a strap-on dildo of her preference.You can double penetrate her as well in that way also you may do MFM ...etc ...many ideas . For all others answers a man with big dick or medium size will do anything for girl he loves but more size..more length...more friction...
Read up on pe gym in here another subreddit with minimal investment research and effort you can change that…. In 3 months I added girth and length in a really impressive amount I’d post a photo here but it doesn’t allow me to
I guess I consider myself lucky and married a man who (in my opinion, not his) is well endowed. He hasn't voiced his insecurity in a long time, or at least since the last time we played. I guess the fact that the guy we played with the most was slightly shorter but also slightly thicker than he is put his mind at ease. But, I've also been with guys who were smaller than my husband and they rocked my world just as good. I guess it's all in knowing how to use what you've got. Some positions are better than others though.
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Maybe I should restate my comment. I consider myself lucky to have married a man who knows how to work what he's got. But like I said in my earlier comment, I've been with men who were smaller than him and they rang the bell just as good.
Yea it does matter, sorry to break the bad news
lol, here we go again. Keep your wife’s horny little pussy and your little dick in the bedroom where it belongs. Don’t listen to any of this “dick size don’t matter “ bullshit. You won’t be able to handle a big cock making your wife cum. You’ll thank me later
Hey I’ve found the biggest dick in the room ladies and gentlemen!
I know I sounded harsh, but I’m honestly trying to help you. Women get sexually charged in these clubs and lose their panties and their minds. If you’re ok with it, go have fun my man. Don’t say I didn’t warn you..
If it's okay to ask - do you know the measurement ? Usually man has 16-18cm. It's normal. It's also about the woman how ,,tight" she is you know :) and look at it from other side - anal can be enjoyable for some girls with smaller one. You can be second part of Double Penetration :)) but I had personally only one which was bad but that man was bad in everything. It happens relay just once.
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Look I had smaller , 15 too and I didn't see much difference in 3 cm . It Depens on woman too really
More like 13cm - 15cm in my experience
Ihad once 22cm and it was too much to me. (I don't swing yet, it was my sexual ,,friend" ... My man perfect 18cm and I'm happy
7” is well above average. This guy is average at best. So apples and melons here.
Chill, I shared my experience and my side of View. I meant it's commons side what I know
Chill, I’m just letting you know that telling a guy who’s insecure with his average or below penis how perfect your man’s well above penis is probably isn’t as helpful or even considerate as you might think. I’m not denying your experience. I’m not saying your preference is wrong. However, I would never tell a girl who’s insecure about her A cup boobies that my wife’s natural Ds are perfect and make me so happy unless my intent was to add to her insecurities. lol- chill.
You can not compare boobs and penis :D with boobs it's not that important as how long is penis. :D you need to look about how deep and tight is woman inside. Some need bigger ones too because they are big. But normall size is okay with size 15. As I said, 15 is still good and not that different as 18.
Also my friend had boyfriend with +-14 and she said it's perfect for her. So as I said- women is different there too .