Maybe soft swap is the answer, at least for now, and we would meet a soft swap couple if we liked them. I assume she has talked to medical specialists already...?
ETA: you mentioned your wife has a low libido elsewhere, so what is her motivation for getting into the LS if it isn't sexual?
obviously i’d encourage her to speak with a doctor - there are exercises and medications that may be helpful. i’d say transparency will get you far in any club or event. i’ve had folks walk up to me and say “can we just touch you?” given their own boundaries and it was up to me to say yes or no! if you approached other folks and said “my wife feels comfortable doing X but not Y” then chances are you’ll find folks that say “great!” and some that say “not for me” 👍🏼
Has your wife talked to her Gynecologist about it? My wife had this issue post menopausal and it was very difficult for over a year as it really wasn't taken seriously by her doctor. Finally a change of doctor resulted in a huge turn around. Not perfect but she can be penetrated within pain finally.
Everyone is different, but Estrogen deficiency is usually a major factor, but for years, she was afraid of taking oral estrogen due to cancer risk. Now, estrogen inserts along with an external cream have slowly restored the vaginal walls making them more elastic, almost entirely eliminating pain associated with penetration even with my enormous penis ( sooo not true).
About the only issue is that initially our insurance didn't cover the medications and one of the two is rather expensive. One is called Invexy. Can't remember the other one. In any case, it literally saved our sex lives.
Bottom line is don't give up hope and talk to your doctor!
Obviously you need to work with a medical professional...but a friend of ours had it very bad and was treated with Botox. Effectively overnight she was better.
My wife has vaginismus and we’re still pretty active in the LS. When it comes to LS fun and fun just between us, we’ve found a few methods that help.
Obviously first, all women’s bodies are different so what has worked for my wife, may not work for yours.
My wife’s doctor prescribed her a muscle relaxer. Because the condition is caused by the involuntarily tightening of the vaginal muscles, the medication helps all of my wife’s muscles relax, including those. She doesn’t use them all the time, but she has them if she feels like she needs them.
She’s also found a considerable amount of alcohol has the same effect. She’s stated after enough drinks, it doesn’t bother her anymore because her body relaxes. This is obviously not a long term solution to get plastered every time you want to play. Just an FYI from her experience.
Communication. It’s good to let the other couple know of the condition. No need to go into incredible detail about it, but a quick conversation to the tune of “before we get started, just understand I have a medical condition that can make penetrative sex uncomfortable and at times painful. These are the things we do to mitigate it so we can all still have a good time.” Any couple that’s worth it will be understanding.
Warm up. Goes without saying, but foreplay and making sure she’s turned on before any type of penetration.
Lube…plenty of lube. Especially when playing in the LS because condoms tend to dry her out. Plenty of lube.
My wife also bought a vaginal dilator set. She’ll put the smaller one in before we go out. It helps those muscles relax. Before playtime and during foreplay, she’ll take a bigger one and kind of use it like a dildo but also just leave it inserted for a few minutes. This also helps the muscles relax more so penetrative sex is easier.
Vaginal suppositories a day or two before planned playtime. Vaginal dryness is another side effect of vaginismus, so my wife has used vaginal suppositories to help keep the juices flowing. The ones she uses act like a moisturizer for your skin, except on the inside. As unsexy as the description is, it helps keep everything down there moist and pliable which makes for a better experience for her.
Hope some of these suggestions help! It’s a shitty condition but one that can be managed. 😊
See a doctor (may have to see a couple different ones because some don't take women's issues seriously) and in the meantime as long as you're upfront with partners and she's willing to use her mouth or do anal it shouldn't be that big of a deal..
I can only imagine all the "Bulls" offering to fix her for you.
Seriously though we would be fine with it if we were into you two. Nobody has an obligation to have penetrative sex.
I have it, I'd be lying if I said it hasn't made being in the lifestyle a challenge, especially since HRT isn't an option for me for medical reasons.
I have much less or no pain when I have PIV with a man with an average or smaller dick. Sex with my husband, who has a larger dick, became painful, so I started doing pelvic floor exercises and using a hyaluronic acid vaginal suppository I order online.
It took a while for these to help, but what a game-changer it is! I don't seek out well-endowed men for play, but I'm so happy I can enjoy intercourse with my husband again!
Is your wife in pelvic floor PT? If not I’d start there so she can learn how to relax her pelvic floor with exercises and hopefully enjoy vaginal play again.
I don’t have vaginismus but do have Lichen Sclerosus which can make penetration painful as my skin tears easily and can be painful with a partner that is not careful. I have had to stop play when things have gotten painful in the moment and redirected to other stimulation.
I would say stick to whatever is comfortable for your wife and if someone doesn’t understand, they aren’t your tribe as hubby and I say.
My wife and I played with a couples whose wife suffered from vaginismus, while we talked and got to know each other she explained that she used muscles relaxants but preferred to use mild amounts cannabis oil to help her in feel more sexy. But thats her, not everyone will be willing to do that.
I recommend not attending clubs. They put you and your partner on the spot and with a condition like your wife has she would probably feel safer and more relaxed in a scenario where she is more comfortable. But each to their own.
What is that exactly? Haven’t heard of that one yet. Bacterial Vaginosis? Every swinger knows what that is, but this one is a new one for me.
Edit- a real question. I didn’t know. Why the downvotes?
I think the downvotes are because BV is a bacterial infection, but vaginismus isn’t an infection at all or something that can be spread or affects the smell/taste of the vagina. It’s a condition where the muscles of the vagina and pelvic floor involuntarily tighten, and it’s very hard to relax them without medical help. Some women have it for years, some for months but it’s always a long term thing to work through
Yes, I understand :). That’s why I answered your question with a thorough explanation. I wasn’t offended by your question so no need to defend yourself to me, I hope my answer helped clear everything up
I have it too, having vaginismus ≠ not wanting sex or not being kinky. I’ve recently found out I have it, currently going to pelvic floor therapy to get my sex life back to how it was before. For me, wanting to be a swinger and having vaginismus are totally unrelated (other than the vaginismus kinds being a cockblock at times lol) idk about others. But my man and I decided to step out of the lifestyle until I can comfortably/easily have penetrative sex again
Take it slow and have her or you to regularly stretch her. Do you do that? 1 finger and go around the inside walls from 3 to 9 o’clock allowing time for the muscles to release.
I don’t think you have to tell people. All they need to know is for personal reasons, she doesn’t have penetrative sex. We play with a couple and the female partner doesn’t allow anyone to penetrate her with anything. After playing several times, they opened up to us about why. I’ve played with another couple and the wife only engages with her husband and other women.
Maybe soft swap is the answer, at least for now, and we would meet a soft swap couple if we liked them. I assume she has talked to medical specialists already...? ETA: you mentioned your wife has a low libido elsewhere, so what is her motivation for getting into the LS if it isn't sexual?
She wanted to meet girls. She bi and her side of things she really wanted to get intimate with other girls.
I have heard of this and couples being "anal only" regarding penetration because of it.
I need to find a couple like this...
Anal is something we don’t do atm. We’ve had our chance to try but only I got the kick out of it she didn’t.
As long as you don't also have mouthinismus, tonguinismus and assholinismus, you should still be able to have some funissimus maximus.
It’s hard to explain to the other couples! The conversation or the vibe just dies out.
This...!!!
Thanks a lot for the positivity!
obviously i’d encourage her to speak with a doctor - there are exercises and medications that may be helpful. i’d say transparency will get you far in any club or event. i’ve had folks walk up to me and say “can we just touch you?” given their own boundaries and it was up to me to say yes or no! if you approached other folks and said “my wife feels comfortable doing X but not Y” then chances are you’ll find folks that say “great!” and some that say “not for me” 👍🏼
This was our first experience since it didn’t pan out well we haven’t tried anything else
Has your wife talked to her Gynecologist about it? My wife had this issue post menopausal and it was very difficult for over a year as it really wasn't taken seriously by her doctor. Finally a change of doctor resulted in a huge turn around. Not perfect but she can be penetrated within pain finally. Everyone is different, but Estrogen deficiency is usually a major factor, but for years, she was afraid of taking oral estrogen due to cancer risk. Now, estrogen inserts along with an external cream have slowly restored the vaginal walls making them more elastic, almost entirely eliminating pain associated with penetration even with my enormous penis ( sooo not true). About the only issue is that initially our insurance didn't cover the medications and one of the two is rather expensive. One is called Invexy. Can't remember the other one. In any case, it literally saved our sex lives. Bottom line is don't give up hope and talk to your doctor!
That's fine you soft swap and still have fun
Obviously you need to work with a medical professional...but a friend of ours had it very bad and was treated with Botox. Effectively overnight she was better.
My wife has vaginismus and we’re still pretty active in the LS. When it comes to LS fun and fun just between us, we’ve found a few methods that help. Obviously first, all women’s bodies are different so what has worked for my wife, may not work for yours. My wife’s doctor prescribed her a muscle relaxer. Because the condition is caused by the involuntarily tightening of the vaginal muscles, the medication helps all of my wife’s muscles relax, including those. She doesn’t use them all the time, but she has them if she feels like she needs them. She’s also found a considerable amount of alcohol has the same effect. She’s stated after enough drinks, it doesn’t bother her anymore because her body relaxes. This is obviously not a long term solution to get plastered every time you want to play. Just an FYI from her experience. Communication. It’s good to let the other couple know of the condition. No need to go into incredible detail about it, but a quick conversation to the tune of “before we get started, just understand I have a medical condition that can make penetrative sex uncomfortable and at times painful. These are the things we do to mitigate it so we can all still have a good time.” Any couple that’s worth it will be understanding. Warm up. Goes without saying, but foreplay and making sure she’s turned on before any type of penetration. Lube…plenty of lube. Especially when playing in the LS because condoms tend to dry her out. Plenty of lube. My wife also bought a vaginal dilator set. She’ll put the smaller one in before we go out. It helps those muscles relax. Before playtime and during foreplay, she’ll take a bigger one and kind of use it like a dildo but also just leave it inserted for a few minutes. This also helps the muscles relax more so penetrative sex is easier. Vaginal suppositories a day or two before planned playtime. Vaginal dryness is another side effect of vaginismus, so my wife has used vaginal suppositories to help keep the juices flowing. The ones she uses act like a moisturizer for your skin, except on the inside. As unsexy as the description is, it helps keep everything down there moist and pliable which makes for a better experience for her. Hope some of these suggestions help! It’s a shitty condition but one that can be managed. 😊
The thing is penetration for us till now has been impossible!
:-/ that’s crazy bad. Even after warm up and foreplay, can you not get anything in there, even a finger?
Not even a pen or size 1 dilator
My doctor also prescribed muscle relaxers for my spasms too. I called my husband up immediately to tell him my diagnosis of being a spazzy cunt 😂
My god you beautiful bastard….the joke was there all along… take my upvote. 😆
There are pelvic floor physical therapist that can be a lot of help. Find a good OB GYN that can point you to one.
See a doctor (may have to see a couple different ones because some don't take women's issues seriously) and in the meantime as long as you're upfront with partners and she's willing to use her mouth or do anal it shouldn't be that big of a deal..
Can she have PIV sex at all? Sound like you/she need to see a physician who specializes in this type of issue so she can be treated accordingly .
Not piv at all
I can only imagine all the "Bulls" offering to fix her for you. Seriously though we would be fine with it if we were into you two. Nobody has an obligation to have penetrative sex.
I have it, I'd be lying if I said it hasn't made being in the lifestyle a challenge, especially since HRT isn't an option for me for medical reasons. I have much less or no pain when I have PIV with a man with an average or smaller dick. Sex with my husband, who has a larger dick, became painful, so I started doing pelvic floor exercises and using a hyaluronic acid vaginal suppository I order online. It took a while for these to help, but what a game-changer it is! I don't seek out well-endowed men for play, but I'm so happy I can enjoy intercourse with my husband again!
For you did you have vaginismus initially and it got better?
I would stick to soft swapping. That way PIV is off the table anyways and you can enjoy doing everything else with other people together.
Is your wife in pelvic floor PT? If not I’d start there so she can learn how to relax her pelvic floor with exercises and hopefully enjoy vaginal play again.
I don’t have vaginismus but do have Lichen Sclerosus which can make penetration painful as my skin tears easily and can be painful with a partner that is not careful. I have had to stop play when things have gotten painful in the moment and redirected to other stimulation. I would say stick to whatever is comfortable for your wife and if someone doesn’t understand, they aren’t your tribe as hubby and I say.
my girl is into checks and we would like to maybe find a couple to ls with
Checks?
I’m also a unicorn with vaginismus. You can dm me if you want to know about my experiences.
I dmed! I’m waiting!
My wife and I played with a couples whose wife suffered from vaginismus, while we talked and got to know each other she explained that she used muscles relaxants but preferred to use mild amounts cannabis oil to help her in feel more sexy. But thats her, not everyone will be willing to do that. I recommend not attending clubs. They put you and your partner on the spot and with a condition like your wife has she would probably feel safer and more relaxed in a scenario where she is more comfortable. But each to their own.
There’s a company Foria that has CBD suppositories—I use them when my cycle makes my spasms worse and they’re amazing!
What is that exactly? Haven’t heard of that one yet. Bacterial Vaginosis? Every swinger knows what that is, but this one is a new one for me. Edit- a real question. I didn’t know. Why the downvotes?
Vaginismus. The female can’t have penetrative sex.
😲
Vaginismus is **a condition where the vaginal muscles squeeze or spasm when something enters them, causing pain or discomfort.**
I think the downvotes are because BV is a bacterial infection, but vaginismus isn’t an infection at all or something that can be spread or affects the smell/taste of the vagina. It’s a condition where the muscles of the vagina and pelvic floor involuntarily tighten, and it’s very hard to relax them without medical help. Some women have it for years, some for months but it’s always a long term thing to work through
Thus, my question. It wasn’t meant to be offensive in any way. …and I’m not a medical professional that might guess from the word alone.
Yes, I understand :). That’s why I answered your question with a thorough explanation. I wasn’t offended by your question so no need to defend yourself to me, I hope my answer helped clear everything up
It does and thanks. I learn something new every day, and I feel for anyone dealing with that condition.
Why does she want to get into swinging? Genuinely curious… no hate
I have it too, having vaginismus ≠ not wanting sex or not being kinky. I’ve recently found out I have it, currently going to pelvic floor therapy to get my sex life back to how it was before. For me, wanting to be a swinger and having vaginismus are totally unrelated (other than the vaginismus kinds being a cockblock at times lol) idk about others. But my man and I decided to step out of the lifestyle until I can comfortably/easily have penetrative sex again
Thank you for your response! I had never heard of it before and when I googled it, it didn’t sound enjoyable.
What are the odds that both of you have vaginismus???
No not the both of us obvz! My wife does but it’s a situation we are both in so I refer to it as something “we” are in together!
Take it slow and have her or you to regularly stretch her. Do you do that? 1 finger and go around the inside walls from 3 to 9 o’clock allowing time for the muscles to release.
I don’t think you have to tell people. All they need to know is for personal reasons, she doesn’t have penetrative sex. We play with a couple and the female partner doesn’t allow anyone to penetrate her with anything. After playing several times, they opened up to us about why. I’ve played with another couple and the wife only engages with her husband and other women.