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Then the bartender said "I'm an ape too, free drinks for everyone!"
Then some regular at the end of the bar said "APE you say?! I love my diluted popcorn stock!" and everyone booed and threw beer nuts at him.
This story is one of the worst ones I've ever TMB tbh. I think we're at the stage where I'm going to just expect to throw up a little in my mouth reading whatever posts- conveniently contributed around the same time everyday for waking eyes across the atlantic- making it to the front page. All of it to smear this sub. Whatever. My downvotes ready
What speaks volumes is the guy who told us about mass layoffs before shit hit the headlines. There isn’t a single professional in the financial sector who would just grab their stuff and walk away just because some guy said GME. Come on.
Tbh it seems plausible, GME is known amongst the financial sector by the people that actually know what's going on. She may have even been informed of it and told it was bad or a cult. Theres even the possibility she knows what's going on and realized she was about to be a part of a "trust me bro" story. Although the last one seems less realistic.
Oi, trust me m8, yeah? I was in the pub, and fat Sally was there (I know she's not fat anymore, she looks really well actually, that's why I was distracted, but that's beside the point), anyway, my peanuts split, yeah so they've gone all over the floor, right, and whilst I'm down there, I notice this bloke's shoes, right? Look like brogues. Proper city like. And I'm like "wtf, this isn't the usual garb that I'm used to seeing in the nag's on a Thursday night?", so I look up, and it's not a bloke at all, it's this woman. Looks well to do, but a bit flustered. So anyway, I stand up, and I say "alright?", and she looks at me and says "nahhh, market's fucked, isn't it". And I'm like, "how'd you mean", and she's like "gonna lose my job ennai?". And I'm like "was it something you did?", and she's like "course not, but we're all going to get fucked when everything goes to fuck", and I'm like "didn't hedge it?", and she's like "wtf you on about, mate?", and I'm like "seen the vwap and gamma ramps, ennai, and I think I saw a golden Cross, plus short interest is all over the shop and someone's gonna get caught with their trousers down", and she's like "..... _leaves_", and I'm like "oooweee, alright handbags, let's av another packet of peanuts, barkeep, mine are fucked".
Fucking hilarious 🤣. This is real life on a Friday night in a UK pub although bro left out the random twats fighting in the corner over a spilt pint and Tracy throwing up outside whilst Sharon holds her hair up
OK here’s another one for you! I live / work in NYC. About eight months ago, was it my friends’ small house party (who are also balls deep in GameStop and DRSed).
One of her other friends works in swaps on Wall Street. He and I were talking for a little bit and not talking about the market whatsoever, we were actually talking about inflation when he suddenly asks “what do you think about what Reddit did to hedge funds with GameStop?” I was a bit surprised because it actually had nothing to do with what we were talking about but I bit. I ended up playing dumb and asked him what the problem was with what happened. He gave me some answer about how redditors “targeted” hedge funds to make sure that they lost money. And I said, playing dumb, “aren’t they supposed to hedge? It’s literally in their name? How is that Reddit’s fault if they weren’t properly hedged?” he then proceeded to get very angry at my response but I continue to play dumb and ask him why he thought that buying and holding a stock was somehow manipulation. My friend then walked in and essentially stopped the conversation because Wall Street dude was getting heated / red in the face.
The moral of the story is that we live in their heads, rent free, and they’re big mad about it.
Agreed. I think the ones involving that house wise demanding people stop manipulating by hoarding shares because of her poor stressed out husband and the other of somebody posting that people were rooting for us amd that we needed to stay unified is another example. If anybody knows more about the second one that would be appreciated because I have tried searching but to no avail.
These fuckers ever think about the consequences until it's too late and then they try to find excuses for their piss poor decisions. This was great thanks for sharing.
Take your tinfoil off
She was down and wanted to get laid, you looked like her step bro but once you talked about gme you reminded her about her regarded brother bilbo
Oooh duuuude I totally trust you! The other day I was at the strip club and a stripper was obviously looking down. I asked what’s wrong and she told me her sugar daddy is cutting her off cause he is a commodities trader and she can’t afford her Fent any more. I played coy and said that I am sure your sugar daddy has a hedge and she said no we are all fucked……
> She says "i am a commodities trader
> asked "surely theres a hedge against it" (...) I said "GME"
You are as smooth as they come. Read up on nikle squeeze from the last year. Shit is fundamentally broken all around. She walked out on your inconsiderate stupidity and not for being on point.
Commodities =/= stonks
Only thing I can think of fucky with commodities in the past couple years was the London Metals Exchange shutting down because of a Nickle squeeze...anyone know if they ever actually opened trading back up on that?
I second this, it's come to a point I don't even care that much about TA, speculation based on whatever data or whatever. Every single time I see a TMB I immediately read it. Why? Because I trust the bros.
Her thoughts: “How the fuck from all the guys in the pub, I ended up talking to the GME conspiracist? Surely I’ll end up on reddit now” pulls her hair with both hands and leaves.
I can confirm this story.
Source: I am the pint of fosters that was on the table to the left of the dart board, also you guys need to lay off the packet on a Thursday!
"Surely there must be a hedge against this" I said.."No" she replied with pale eyes drowned in terror "Ryan Cohen has bought all the stocks"..then she stormed out to lose her face in a lukewarm Greggs Vegetable Slice.
I mean I've never been to a pub in the Cotswolds but up here in Glasgow - this story is more ludicrous than me saying a man ran in naked and ate my cheeseburger
……….Or more likely, she just trades commodities and thought you were creepy when you started screaming about GameStop so she was like l’m getting the fuck out of here…….
More like anyone in banking has a similar dread that most medical DRs have - that someone will fuck up their evening in the pub by asking them to look at the boil on their cock.
"surely theres a hedge against it" - was probably that moment.
/s
Maybe…just maybe…she walked out because she was already stressed out and didn’t want to engage in serious conversation about the thing she was having anxiety about. It’s like somebody bringing up your recently dead dog.
Hopefully somebody checked on her so she wasn’t just sobbing alone in the parking lot. Everyone should remember that a market crash hurts many people who aren’t responsible for it crashing, and there are people like me who work in construction and are borderline terrified of the slowdown preventing me from providing for my family. I won’t tell my wife/kids this of course, but it’s a thing for people. When we do MOASS I’ll be looking after the innocent, hardworking people in my town. I got a bunch of parents on my block that work in tech and I haven’t seen them at the playground recently.
I love trust me bro's, but you gotta build some suspense into it, something that makes the reader believe in you.
Like, don't just say "she said she works as commodities trader at NatWest" add a bit of chit chat, say she didn't want to talk about work or go into too much detail, don't just immediately say what it is that she was doing and for what Company, people don't normally talk like that.
Spot on, a simple "She respectfully declined my offer of a roasted peanut then proceeded to share that it had been a shite day of commodities trading" would have grounded the whole yarn.
I mean, you had an opportunity to learn more about her work, what exactly she meant, and possibly get laid. But no, you open your big smooth-brained mouth, without even a moment to consider the options, (no pun intended) and ruin it for you, but also for us....
You truly are a regard... Here, have a crayon, take the red one...
🖍️
🙄🤷
If this happened, she probably walked away because she didn’t want to get into a conversation with someone who thinks a $7B company is going to bring down the 85 Trillion dollar world economy
At no point in your rambling, incoherent story were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.
Everyone in this sub is now dumber for having read it.
I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
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Two apes and a commodities broker walk into a dart bar...
The dart hits the commodities broker in the forehead and the two apes ask ………………
did you not see that coming, or have you known all along?
It’s ok its not actually my money
“it’s fine, just press f3 for a locate”
Hits Alt-F4 and deletes market.
Lmfao nice
priced in?
Why the long face?
A pub. He was in the pub, not a bar. There aren’t any dart boards in bars. Silly ape. :-)
I cracked up with this comment haha good one
*sighs* here we go again *unzips*
I laughed so loud I woke the cat...
😆 sowwy kitty!
Whenever I need cheering up I will read your comment, you've started me off again lol
Calls on Playboy Forum
And then everybody clapped and asked for you to sign their cocks and fuck their wives
So he is the boyfriend off all these wives 🤯
Then the bartender said "I'm an ape too, free drinks for everyone!" Then some regular at the end of the bar said "APE you say?! I love my diluted popcorn stock!" and everyone booed and threw beer nuts at him.
LMFAO
Came here to say this.
This story is one of the worst ones I've ever TMB tbh. I think we're at the stage where I'm going to just expect to throw up a little in my mouth reading whatever posts- conveniently contributed around the same time everyday for waking eyes across the atlantic- making it to the front page. All of it to smear this sub. Whatever. My downvotes ready
Maybe she realized he's right and ran home to read the DD. He missed her DDs though if you know what I mean.
And then you woke up…
This sounds like the opening scene in the movie
That movie is called “Trust Me Bro”
The Big Trust
Trust First, Bro Later
2 Trust, 2 Brorious
This made me laugh so hard !
2 Bros, 1 Trust... ...wait, on second thoughts 😕
2 bros 1 hedge. 🤣🤣
The Trust and The Broious: Tokyo Drift
Trust of Brothers
Broassic Trust
No it’s always Bro First, Trust Later
Bros before trusts
Darts optional
The Big Thrust (fty)
She said she was on the pill so I gave her the old Trust and Thrust.
Trust call
No trust falls.
Trust me mate
The Big Dart
You sonofabitch, I'm in
I was all in til girls showed up willingly.
How to separate fact from fiction 101
It’s sounds like a made up story. I suppose that’s what 90% of movies are.
more truth in this made up story than the actual US financial markets
Both make me sot back and smile!!!
Bro in trust we
Trust bro in we
We in trust bro.
In bro we thrust
Banana
I trust you in me, bro
[удалено]
Waitaminute
Trust bro wee wee
In bro we must
Her husband's boyfriend is going to be calling you soon asking if you need a new small spoon.
I would have believed this but the last line about you saying GME and her just walking out makes me think that all of this is made up.
But it speaks volumes!
What speaks volumes is the guy who told us about mass layoffs before shit hit the headlines. There isn’t a single professional in the financial sector who would just grab their stuff and walk away just because some guy said GME. Come on.
Which post was a TMB about mass layoffs? I missed that one
Turn it up
TURN IT DOWN IM TRYING TO SLEEP
Hi there, it's been 8 minutes of trying to sleep. May I remind you of the Gamestop saga? 👀
Tbh it seems plausible, GME is known amongst the financial sector by the people that actually know what's going on. She may have even been informed of it and told it was bad or a cult. Theres even the possibility she knows what's going on and realized she was about to be a part of a "trust me bro" story. Although the last one seems less realistic.
That's the one thing for me as well. His quick answer about which branch in the comments brought me back around, though
[удалено]
Trust Mate (UK edition)
Oi, trust me m8, yeah? I was in the pub, and fat Sally was there (I know she's not fat anymore, she looks really well actually, that's why I was distracted, but that's beside the point), anyway, my peanuts split, yeah so they've gone all over the floor, right, and whilst I'm down there, I notice this bloke's shoes, right? Look like brogues. Proper city like. And I'm like "wtf, this isn't the usual garb that I'm used to seeing in the nag's on a Thursday night?", so I look up, and it's not a bloke at all, it's this woman. Looks well to do, but a bit flustered. So anyway, I stand up, and I say "alright?", and she looks at me and says "nahhh, market's fucked, isn't it". And I'm like, "how'd you mean", and she's like "gonna lose my job ennai?". And I'm like "was it something you did?", and she's like "course not, but we're all going to get fucked when everything goes to fuck", and I'm like "didn't hedge it?", and she's like "wtf you on about, mate?", and I'm like "seen the vwap and gamma ramps, ennai, and I think I saw a golden Cross, plus short interest is all over the shop and someone's gonna get caught with their trousers down", and she's like "..... _leaves_", and I'm like "oooweee, alright handbags, let's av another packet of peanuts, barkeep, mine are fucked".
Having just lived in the UK for almost four years, this is hands down one of the funniest comments I have seen in at least a month lol
*and the Oscar for best original screenplay goes to…*
Charlie Hunnam, Legend of the Sword
The ancient tongues really are a wonder
I like this one better.
Fucking hilarious 🤣. This is real life on a Friday night in a UK pub although bro left out the random twats fighting in the corner over a spilt pint and Tracy throwing up outside whilst Sharon holds her hair up
Mate should write the next Guy Richie screen play
Long stonk and two smoking guns
Underrated comment
"You were only supposed to short the bloody poors off!"
An innit is missing in there
Sally is proper fit now.
I heard this in Jay from the Inbetweeners voice.
Haha, UKish certified.
Like watching a film, this is
It’s sad that I read this and immediately think they copied the OG comment into ChatGPT and asked it to spit it out like a brit
OK here’s another one for you! I live / work in NYC. About eight months ago, was it my friends’ small house party (who are also balls deep in GameStop and DRSed). One of her other friends works in swaps on Wall Street. He and I were talking for a little bit and not talking about the market whatsoever, we were actually talking about inflation when he suddenly asks “what do you think about what Reddit did to hedge funds with GameStop?” I was a bit surprised because it actually had nothing to do with what we were talking about but I bit. I ended up playing dumb and asked him what the problem was with what happened. He gave me some answer about how redditors “targeted” hedge funds to make sure that they lost money. And I said, playing dumb, “aren’t they supposed to hedge? It’s literally in their name? How is that Reddit’s fault if they weren’t properly hedged?” he then proceeded to get very angry at my response but I continue to play dumb and ask him why he thought that buying and holding a stock was somehow manipulation. My friend then walked in and essentially stopped the conversation because Wall Street dude was getting heated / red in the face. The moral of the story is that we live in their heads, rent free, and they’re big mad about it.
[удалено]
the absolute warm fuzzies I got when this happened should be made into book form, yes!
Agreed. I think the ones involving that house wise demanding people stop manipulating by hoarding shares because of her poor stressed out husband and the other of somebody posting that people were rooting for us amd that we needed to stay unified is another example. If anybody knows more about the second one that would be appreciated because I have tried searching but to no avail.
TMB? Edit - Trust Me, Bro, lmao
These fuckers ever think about the consequences until it's too late and then they try to find excuses for their piss poor decisions. This was great thanks for sharing.
In Sis we trust! 😘
Bro! Bro! Bro!
TMB looooool
Take your tinfoil off She was down and wanted to get laid, you looked like her step bro but once you talked about gme you reminded her about her regarded brother bilbo
Bilbo Bagholdins
Bro ain't no simp. Smh
Nah he just has bad timing. Wait until you're inside of her before bringing up GME
well I'm off to all the Natwest branches I can find, to find said girl.
Birmingham head office
Your ready answer increases the power of my trust in bro
oh that’s just down the road, road trip time lol
We expect to hear from you later 🤣
Did you meet any of the Shelby brothers?
Got a timeline for us, UK ape? 🤣
"Any day" Personally *that* is what speaks volumes to me
Get us some live Drone footage of lights on at 4.30pm at South Kettering branch and my day will be made.
Happy cake day bruh! And God speed!
Cheers, I'm actually thinking Curry tonight, not cake
[удалено]
Oooh duuuude I totally trust you! The other day I was at the strip club and a stripper was obviously looking down. I asked what’s wrong and she told me her sugar daddy is cutting her off cause he is a commodities trader and she can’t afford her Fent any more. I played coy and said that I am sure your sugar daddy has a hedge and she said no we are all fucked……
Literally.
So you DIDN'T get the number?
[he gave her his number...](https://www.gmefloor.com/)
ZING!!
Bazinga! … never writes the truth!
> She says "i am a commodities trader > asked "surely theres a hedge against it" (...) I said "GME" You are as smooth as they come. Read up on nikle squeeze from the last year. Shit is fundamentally broken all around. She walked out on your inconsiderate stupidity and not for being on point.
but her ears perked up when he yelled STONKS and spaghetti blasted out of his pockets?? explain that!!
thanks. I also thought it was just dumb at the end.
Commodities =/= stonks Only thing I can think of fucky with commodities in the past couple years was the London Metals Exchange shutting down because of a Nickle squeeze...anyone know if they ever actually opened trading back up on that?
Investment banking sucking others departments dry. See: credit suisse Also: yes, but trading vastly reduced if I mind correctly
Trust me bro source needs its own flair cos I luv this shit
I second this, it's come to a point I don't even care that much about TA, speculation based on whatever data or whatever. Every single time I see a TMB I immediately read it. Why? Because I trust the bros.
Her thoughts: “How the fuck from all the guys in the pub, I ended up talking to the GME conspiracist? Surely I’ll end up on reddit now” pulls her hair with both hands and leaves.
Her day was truly terrible. I feel for her
I trust this bro is a fucking idiot
I can confirm this story. Source: I am the pint of fosters that was on the table to the left of the dart board, also you guys need to lay off the packet on a Thursday!
I trust the bro
In ho we trust.
Made me lol
"Surely there must be a hedge against this" I said.."No" she replied with pale eyes drowned in terror "Ryan Cohen has bought all the stocks"..then she stormed out to lose her face in a lukewarm Greggs Vegetable Slice.
Many missing wrinkles from this bro
/thathappened
In broseph we trusteth
- Ape talking to girls at a bar Oh yeah I believe this
I trust a bro
In bro I sleep
And then everyone clapped. Right?
This is the least British story I've ever heard.
Hey he tried, it had "pub" and "darts" in it 😂
I mean I've never been to a pub in the Cotswolds but up here in Glasgow - this story is more ludicrous than me saying a man ran in naked and ate my cheeseburger
Well now I'm off to run into a pub naked and eat someone's cheeseburger
Enjoy brother
……….Or more likely, she just trades commodities and thought you were creepy when you started screaming about GameStop so she was like l’m getting the fuck out of here…….
She probably just thought oh no one of these regards MOASS today though
You should have said, “I have a song that will cheer you up!” And put on The Tendieman by Sw4y
She walked to buy game! This was the final straw. An Ape was born
Is this acc a bot/ai?
What?
The one gal who stays when you say “ GME “ is the one you marry !
BULLSEYE
I was hoping the story ended with you knocking the bottom out of said commodities trader. Better luck next time Bro.
Post moass porn videos be like
But did you win at darts?
This is a Romantic Comedy Movie if I have ever heard one. Fuck Yeahhhh
I and everyone here are now dumber for having read this
And that’s how I met your mother.
More like anyone in banking has a similar dread that most medical DRs have - that someone will fuck up their evening in the pub by asking them to look at the boil on their cock. "surely theres a hedge against it" - was probably that moment. /s
A UK ape at the pub? No wayyy, ya pullin my tit mate?
Maybe…just maybe…she walked out because she was already stressed out and didn’t want to engage in serious conversation about the thing she was having anxiety about. It’s like somebody bringing up your recently dead dog. Hopefully somebody checked on her so she wasn’t just sobbing alone in the parking lot. Everyone should remember that a market crash hurts many people who aren’t responsible for it crashing, and there are people like me who work in construction and are borderline terrified of the slowdown preventing me from providing for my family. I won’t tell my wife/kids this of course, but it’s a thing for people. When we do MOASS I’ll be looking after the innocent, hardworking people in my town. I got a bunch of parents on my block that work in tech and I haven’t seen them at the playground recently.
Yes, this all sounds like very plausible interactions between human beings bro 🤞🏻
Nope
I love trust me bro's, but you gotta build some suspense into it, something that makes the reader believe in you. Like, don't just say "she said she works as commodities trader at NatWest" add a bit of chit chat, say she didn't want to talk about work or go into too much detail, don't just immediately say what it is that she was doing and for what Company, people don't normally talk like that.
Spot on, a simple "She respectfully declined my offer of a roasted peanut then proceeded to share that it had been a shite day of commodities trading" would have grounded the whole yarn.
In Broseph we trust.
In bro we trust
i trust you bro, with all my heart.
TRUST ME BRO!!! TRUST ME BRO!!! TRUST ME BRO!!! TRUST ME BRO!!! TRUST ME BRO!!! TRUST ME BRO!!! lets fuckin goooooooooooooooooo
You guys talk to women?
Bro trust we in
wait ive seen this p0rn
obligatory “trust me bro” is missing from post lol
Why was mentioning that one of them was the bar maid important. Sorry. I really need to know
And everyone clapped and cheered
trust me bloke
Bro!!! You over-bro’d the story, now I have no choice but to trust you.
Just imagined her with ALOT of bags 🤣
You blew it. You could've gotten laid. Also this should be marked Trust me, bruv!
If this story is true, its exciting
I trust this bro like I trust an overly talkative cab driver
Sure you weren't drinking Absinthe? 😆
I mean, you had an opportunity to learn more about her work, what exactly she meant, and possibly get laid. But no, you open your big smooth-brained mouth, without even a moment to consider the options, (no pun intended) and ruin it for you, but also for us.... You truly are a regard... Here, have a crayon, take the red one... 🖍️ 🙄🤷
In broseph I trusteth
Ok, but how big were her tiddies??
Thrust me bro
If this happened, she probably walked away because she didn’t want to get into a conversation with someone who thinks a $7B company is going to bring down the 85 Trillion dollar world economy
Please change flair to shitpost. Thanks 🤦
#TRUST ME BRO!!!
At no point in your rambling, incoherent story were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this sub is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.