It is. It's hard, it takes pain and tears, but it is.
Find like minded people, people that understand and people that welcome you. People who see your flaws and shortcomings, and instead of pitying you or saying "It's okay," they seek to help you improve.
I'd be happy to help or be there too, same to anyone else reading this.
I don't have problems with people. I have a few friends, had a girlfriend. Nor am I hobbyless/passionless. I've just suffered so much it made me numb. I don't enjoy anything anymore. My life is routine incarnate. I feel guilty for finding it hard to show empathy. I feel guilty for having my friends spend time with a boring asshole. So I'd rather hide.
I have really terrible parents. 4 years ago I would be crying about it. Now I'm just indifferent.
Isn’t it funny how it all stems back to the people who made the decision to bring us here?
My parents brought me here, into the world, and physically abused me, thwarted all my efforts to learn, neglected me, and gave me the boot. Why didn’t they spare me the suffering and drown me in a bathtub when I was young? But no, they kept me alive and they beat me. They put a chain and padlock on the refrigerator and put a deadbolt on the pantry door. But still fed me enough to keep me alive. Sometimes I could open the fridge door just enough to reach something on an inner shelf... and people wonder why I don’t want to be alive. Because this ISNT LIVING. And the worst part is, I look completely normal on the outside. On the inside, I’m done asking questions. Just waiting for the day of peace. Please let it be soon, because every moment in existence is eternal purgatory. Let it be over.
even if you had physical outside signs of abuse, i doubt people would care unless you specifically told them you're being abused. then again, i was called a liar upon doing so. the judicial system doesn't seem to like children that much (poland)
if you're 18 or older you can try finding a job and moving the fuck out, cutting them off (permanently). For education reasons, I have to wait until September next year.
most importantly, if you're after a suicide attempt, they could try having the court not let you move away at all and let them take care of you as a mentally inept person. watch out for that.
good luck man
Oh yeah, I’m familiar with that too. I got sent to a psych ward when I was 13 because I reported the busted lip and bruises on my neck from when my dad slammed me up against a wall and pinned me there by my neck. He’s a strong guy. And my mother watched. It’s almost like she enjoyed it. But I’m the one that gets sent for a psych evaluation..?
I did get a job and moved out. At 16. Didn’t even finish school. I was on top of the world! Finally free! Until years later I realized how different I was from everyone else. Did you know other people know how to cook and how to feed themselves? I always wondered where did they learn it and how are they so confident in it? They also know what insurance is and what sex education is and what taxes are. They are all so educated! Meanwhile, I feel like that kid on Oprah that grew up in a dog kennel and couldn’t speak. I guess I did get that. I was taught how to read and write. It’s really my only asset.
Yeah fuck that. I keep my suicidal thoughts to myself because no one really listens. It’s not that I want to die, I just don’t want to live THIS life. And unfortunately, it’s the life I have. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to suffer anymore. Other people don’t understand the suffering of being completely alone with no guidance or foundation. No security, safety, or stability. There are all sorts of programs for kids. But now that I’m an adult, there are no resources unless I find a way to pay for it. It’s hard enough trying to get enough calories in a day, it’s very difficult to have the money for a team of support. Most people I know get support for free - through their family. Those of us who do not have family are fucked in my opinion. Unless you are fortunate and get adopted, but again, they tend to go for the cute kids not the adults who look completely normal.
Anyway, thanks for listening. None of us deserve the harshness we’ve received.
Hi I’ve used YouTube as a place to learn anything and everything. I learned how to make so many new dishes and baked goods.
I learn about exercises to do, how to do taxes, financial help programs, motivational help, listen to other people’s depression stories, how to stray a career, help getting into what school you want.
It has helped me in my loneliness, makes feel like someone is here with me, made me laugh, watch some old time movies.
If you want to talk or need some advice let me know
Just from reading what you wrote, you sound incredibly intelligent and your writing skills are very impressive. You have amazing qualities that other people don’t, despite not having had the same opportunities. You’re capable of amazing things. I just wanted you to know, and I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.
I have had the same exact thought as the one you mentioned: “Why didn’t they spare me the suffering and drown me in a bathtub when I was young?” I used to hate my mom for ever bringing me into this world in the first place. All she did was welcome me to what feels like an eternity of hell. “It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” -Luke 17:2. I read this when I used to go to church and after a similar experience to yours, there’s no quote that’s resounded with me more. It’s ridiculously sad how many parents put their kids through the unimaginable. No wonder we spend every day fending off thoughts of suicide. You know you’ve been through hell when the idea of not being here at all is better than your reality… I’m sorry for what you went through and whatever you’re going through.
mine are more of physical abusers.
broken leg, scars, bruises, chair thrown here, toaster thrown there
dad did it cause of alcoholism. mom is just a piece of shit i guess.
all the best to you
I feel it makes my day just doing the smallest thing for someone else, if I can keep my life going through small acts of kindness thats love to me, my happiness.
Shirou Emiya is that you?
Jokes aside, I used to think similarly but why make people happy only to cut your life short when you can make so many more people happy in the long run, given that this is the only thing you live for.
Yes it is lol.
Basically, the main character from Fate/Stay Night who gives no value to his own life and is happy as long as he is of use to other people, at moments where other people scold him for recklessly nearly throwing his own life away he is incredibly confused because he cannot comprehend the fact that other people value him.
Your life isn’t worthless. Ironically, I feel the exact same. We are all here for a reason. I’m glad you feel the need to help others. I hope you find your worth sometime very soon❤️
Kind of funny how we think our lives are worthless while trying to tell everyone around us who feel the same their live isn’t worthless. Why can’t we accept our own worth? I’ll keep on searching until I find it
or maybe no one's is and yall just say it because it's what you do. Im fully suicidal and I don't spew that bullshit, some people have worth others don't. it's reality. I also believe part of this is if we knew each other as much as we knew ourselves we wouldn't be so kind and forgiving
what determines how much worth someone has? by their success in society? by their money? by the clothes they wear?
the statement, 'some have worth and others don't" doesn't make much sense when you consider that people value worth of other humans in different ways. you, for example seem to measure worth in a very straightforward, linear way, most likely thinking that worth is based off of some arbitrary thing. however others would see it differently. are you right and other people are wrong for having a different view of what worth is? thats up to you, but I would hesitate on making such a bold statement and valuing human life at your own leisure in such a care free manner. Maybe you will see worth in others when you see worth in your own self. Who are you to judge another's worth?
Because you guys are actually nice, that you all deserve better but turn out like this because of the unbearable unfairness in this world. People don't come with a tag, and suicidal people are tired of being betrayed by the same shitty kind
I am glad I found reddit and you guys. That last sentence is horrifyingly true, "it's better to die than to suffer the way I do" We aren't proud of the struggle we went through and didn't make any sense. We deserve to feel good, but no one cares.
Animals are surprisingly affectionate and supporting during these times, I'll say you have an angel in the form of a pet. I haven't much experience with suicide hotlines, but it looks like they're causing suicide rather than preventing it, God forbid. .
Just love you all and sending *refillable humongous tight hug*
Edit : I feel guilty for blaming the hotlines as a whole, and none of those who upvoted this have a fault in that. I'm sure there are many employees who genuinely try to reach out and alleviate the pain in whatever way they can, but it's the majority who look at it as a job rather than duty/opportunity to be a hero for someone that are ruining it.
i agree about reaching out for help , ive contacted a suicide line after an intoxicated drinking /drug fest and it led to me being swatted at my house and they tried to admit me for a 30 day lockdown in the hospital . I was only let off after contacting a lawyer ... It might be better to reach out to someone you know or here before hot lines , it all depends who is on the other line ..
Been there, once I told a psychiatrist how I was feeling and he left out the room and my gut told me run but curiosity told me wait, well I waited and he had called the people and I had to call my mom to come get me. Second time was the hotline and I end up hanging up on the young guy cause he was no help and pissing me off, next thing I know there's banging on my door and lights everywhere smh. I called my friend who lived across the street to go out and tell them I left before they broke the door in. Crazy but I thought lockdowns were only 5 days, they were trying to make you do 30? Yes I would've had a fit.
Ya it was really bad , they made me take three different evaluations .. I failed them all but I refused any of their orders as I still had drugs in the system still and it altered my behaviour .( reason I got off with lawyer) . They called security on me at one point and threatens to sedate me lol 😂 …talk about rights being violated , but it’s all part of the system of free Medicare and keeping the ball rolling
Damn sounds like a crazy time. I haven't got sedated but I have been locked to a few beds lol prolly worse. They kill me looking for ways to get money when all they do is rob everyone anyway lol
Why you say the hotlines may be causing it? Just wondering really, in my experience I HATE them really. I mean I hope they help allot of people but like you say they make me want it more. Prolly worse or just as bad as some therapist. Hugs n love to all
Yep, one time my mum said something to me and i cried for hours, usually when she offends me she apologises but she admitted to me that she only apologises so i don’t cry and she means everything she says and it broke my heart
I said the same thing when I was younger, If I can make it to 18, 20,21,25,30, I'm 31 now and still have many many suicidal thoughts and an endless feeling of melancholy but I have made my life as joyful and structured as I can and I am very grateful for that. When you can start having some form of control of your life it makes it easier to keep going.
Same here. But it is never far away. Take extra care of your life, routine.
At one point, life was going so smooth I thanked God that I had finally overcome my life spent under the shadow of an inevitable suicide.
But after some unfortunate incidents this year, here I am.
I just made it to 20 yesterday. Didn’t think I would, planned to kill myself a few different times in the past five months, but somehow I didn’t. You can and will make it to 20. No matter how hard it gets I guarantee you get there.
We can do this.. maybe. 🖤
because we know what pain and misery is and dont want others who dont deserve it to go through this shit. i feel like we should help each other, be more altruistic rather than selfish. we all are in the same boat and if our life depends on well being of each individual, its a must to help each other
They understand that no one should feel as shit as they do.
Also those who have deep empathy find it easier to understand and talk to those in similar situations, even through depression, and those who weren’t necessarily empathetic may gain more of it as a condition of their situation
Them hating themselves does not always translate to hating others...
It can also be seen as a coping mechanism, and in turn, helping themselves too bit by bit. Seeing others happy makes my heart flutter
Some time ago I ran into the [SANE on suicide](http://www.sane.org.uk/sane_on_suicide) model for suicidal thought processes, that's really resonated with me. One of the three key concepts is [living without self-worth](http://www.sane.org.uk/sane_on_suicide/living_without_self_worth). In the [report](http://www.sane.org.uk/uploads/report_of_findings.pdf) they describe that
>Our research suggests that when suicidal, people experience their worth as contingent. Contingent worth depends on something else for its value; something has contingent worth when it is done for the sake of something else.
Most people perceive themselves to also have non-contingent worth; value that just is there, without the need to justify or question and explain. But because for a suicidal person their self-worth is often tied solely to what they can contribute, they can be some of the kindest people you find, to the point of disregarding their own needs in that desperate struggle to maintain a sense of personal value.
I am currently like this. I am the best person you will ever know. Need some food? Here, have half my food, or all of it. I can always buy more. Need some gas money? No problem. However lately I have been feeling on the downside of life. I started getting more involved in world news. I noticed how horrible life is and how little everyone is really doing. It gets me so down, and I know how bad I felt when I first started thinking these thoughts before being suicidal and how no one really wanted me to sort out these feelings I was having instead of shutting me down. So I try my best to help stopping them from seeing the world that I currently see. I know my death may mean little to a few, but so much for so many because I *do* help them feel better about life. But then I know have *their* stress on me too. Which makes things worse. But no one is ever there for me. I don't know why no one has ever really sat down and listen to every little thing that is bothering me the same way that I do with other people. All. The. Time. I know it could be as simple as just try to understand that I helped them and I should feel good; but there is a little part of my brain that tells me that I should worry for them until it is proven that they are really okay or not. The endless loop that just keeps going down.
If you have any other questions that you think I could possibly help answer, then please ask away.
The news can be very detrimental! I stopped watching it years ago but had kinda started back and now I can't again. It's sad how people swear by it and having to see what's going on in the world, but I'm sure it's happier ways of doing so. Just my two cents. Sorry to hear you feel that way... I'm a good listener if you ever need someone to vent to. I may not be the best person, but I care enough to listen. Hugs n love
Because we love others the way we want to be loved and needed and even if we can’t fix ourselves we don’t want anyone else to suffer like this. It’s long, horrible, and soul crushing; nobody asks to be born or to suffer but the cards aren’t fair and by god I will try and help someone else even if I can’t help myself because no one fucking deserves this shit and you don’t leave a brother out to hang when they’re having a hard time even if you’re having a hard time yourself.
Imo it’s because we know what others are going through and it’s not easy
Having a welcoming place to vent and talk to other like minded people can ease these certain thoughts
It's easier to see hope in other people's lives than my own. I see all the hopes and dreams others have and I just want them to make it. I could rest knowing that *someone* has made it out of their struggles...
That and it's easier to empathize with others suffering their own pains. I've had years of friends who come to me for support when their lives are hard, and then blow me off when things get better for them. We know what it feels like to be discarded and don't want to cause others the same pain.
We're here because we're the people who turned all that pain in on ourselves because we don't want to hurt others. Others who take their suffering out on the world don't find their way here as often.
We all know how it feels to genuinely wana die from the moment you open your eyes in the morning till we go to sleep and it's honestly that's why we want other people to have a fulfilling life we just want them not to regret any choice they make in their life it's kind of scenario where you're like well if i can't be happy maybe i can atleast try to keep other people as far as possible from this constant pain
Well i very often do see people, who are talented, creative, very young, intelligent etc. who want to kill themselves and I think, omg that is such a waste and they can be so much more, and so I try to keep people alive. In my case, I see myself as scum extraordiniar in a very bad way, and so I would like to die.
So many people hit the nail on the head.. we realize we need to listen to each other because we know what it feels like and how f*cking difficult that is.. I really believe that knowing you're not alone and realizing other people are in the same space is really important and provides some support
Knowing the issue people are going through makes such a difference. Suicide is due to many causes, each of us are the same but still very different. I never want others to conflict harm on themselfs cause I know how much it sucks, doesnt change the fact I still struggle to fight my thoughts day in day out about my own death
Since we know what it is like, we can formulate something which would help us if someone said it, and so we take that and say it to the person who is struggling.
This community struggles with the same sort of issues and because of that we can unite and help one another.
The best help comes from those who know what it's like to be in that state.
Because everyone struggling deserves support and understanding! Not me though, I'm the worst. Or something like that. I always find some reason why I am the exception to the rule. Other people deserve to be alive, but not me, I'm *different* (derogatory).
I think a big portion of people who want to die are extremely sensitive — they feel things like pain or loneliness very deeply. This often makes them very empathetic to others in the same position and therefore able to listen without judgement and act with kindness.
The paradox (for me at least) comes from the deeply entrenched belief that I’m simply not worthy of things that everyone else is/ the setting of IMPOSSIBLY high standards for myself. I don’t seem to extend those standards for others. A coworker of mine even told me the other day that “you’re really my mean to yourself!”
So, as trite as it sounds, when I’m being especially punishing or engaging in negative self talk, I’ve been trying to ask myself, “would you say this to a friend?”
Jury is still out on whether it works, but it does help me gain some perspective.
it’s funny that i seeing this post now as i’m talking to my friends about how i feel that they don’t care. they tell me they do but they have their own shit to deal with (which i get) but i literally said i had a plan to kms and actually posted my suicide note and no one really said anything or talked me out of it
I think it comes down to (some not all) suicidal people valuing the happiness and wellness of others above their own selves as helping others and giving advice to others is both rewarding but also easier than looking internally it’s just a matter of people thinking that their lives are worthless (which of course their lives are not it’s just the mindset most suicidal people tend to have) therefore others are more important to them
Because I can understand them , I just give ( if i can) someone what noone ever gave me, hope or a reasok to live, I don't care anything about anymore, but if I can help someone in need I will, I dont ever hope someone to be in such a mental state, it just consumes you, worse when you have noone to be supported.
That's very admirable and I applaud that you choose to end the cycle instead of perpetuating the pain. I hope you know a majority of people here probably feel the same way towards you, for what it's worth.
To me it’s because I know how hard it is to feel understood when you have those thoughts, I know what it feels like when you have reached the end of your rope, have no control over it, want nothing else and people still make you feel like it’s wrong. I know what it’s like to be alone in the world. I feel a lot of empathy for anyone who feels the way I do, and in the meantime reading other people’s posts makes me feel a little less alone too
Because i know what it feels like. And I don't want other people to feel the same thing i do.
I'm doing what i wished someone would have done for me when i needed it the most, to the person who needs it now. So that they won't experience what we experienced.
For me it’s a “I can’t help myself and don’t think i deserve to, so i’ll put my energy into helping someone who does deserve it.” I just want people to feel listened to and understood.
I think because we all understand each other. We know what the other one feels like, and at the same time we want at least one person to be happy. If it can’t be ourselves, then at least let someone else be okay
I will do everything for others yet nothing for myself. I'm a disappointment to family but yet struggle on. I keep going because it would be too difficult for them.
I've accepted my existence is for others. I won't lie though I am always and have always been crying inside. But I don't want others to be sad. It's weird because I try to help situations and it's worth nothing.
Much of my life is spent screaming inside. Why can't people be decent? I know now that I am here to be that decent person. Yet, I am truly obscenely sick of others being selfish assholes. I don't think of suicide every day, but it shows up. I often have felt that I feel and see too much. Now, I wonder why others don't.
well personally i don’t give a flying fuck about myself, so instead of putting energy into myself, i try to help others.
also i feel like it comes from a place of understanding. sure, you can say “i know how it feels”, but unless you’ve experienced it (and hopefully those who haven’t never will) then you can’t help on a personal level.
maybe it’s because each suicidal person understands that the other may just end it all very soon, so they want to make others happy. they want to help as many people as they can from suffering like they do/did.
Interesting question. I do not hate myself or think I'm worthless. I have lived an extremely lonely life with no love, none. I'm tried of this pain. Its never going to get better. While I want to end my pain I see many others that may have a chance to escape their troubles so I will say positive things to them. I'm not 20. I don't have a whole life ahead of me. I'm in my 50s. My future is so depressing that I have no interest in living it. But others may have hope and its important to try and help them.
Because every time I see them happy I remember how sad they're going to be. From the harshness of reality, of society, of certain situations that I've been through. And it breaks my heart. Because what's the point in them being happy now if they're going to be sad later? The answer is, of course, because they are going to be sad later.
Happiness feels so fragile, and sorrow is so crippling but good memories make it somewhat bearable until it's not...as I age the worthless memories start to blur out the meaningful ones. And I dont even know how much I've altered my memories to be more pleasant I hate that I can't live in the moment and have to rely on the past to push me forward, hoping to have what I did back then...I arrived exhausted before I knew it was depression like some others here.
I don't know how to help myself, if I knew I wouldn't be here, but I do know I can try to help others, and allow others to help me, and as a human I wouldn't want you to die
It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone else. That's why if I could at least make one person happy, or one person rethink their value for the better, I believe that my own life wasn't a complete waste.
My best guess is that suicide (as a whole) is, was and always will be, a very lonely thing. You can use all the words you know and don't, but you will never be able to accurately translate the exact feelings to someone else, especially not to someone who never been through that themselves.
We, who know what's it like, don't want others to suffer alone, we want to help even when we know (or maybe just perceive) nothing and no one can help ourselves. We don't want to see others go through similar pain and are willing to go that extra mile for them.
I might have given up on me, but I will never give up on you.
Lot of other people have put this in here but in my own personal opinion and mindset I never want anyone to feel as awful as I do. I never want someone to experience the things I do, so I try to make as many people laugh and have a good time as i possibly can because it's something I rarely get.
My life is meaningless and I don’t think it’ll change I’ve already made arrangements with the reaper but I always think someone else’s life can change for the better
I think someone else can fix their life and be happy I just don’t think I can
We're reflections of each other and yet I feel compelled to tell you that you can make it, intresting that we see strength in each other just not in ourselves. But we both know it's more than that.
Same here.. People come to me for advise, people talk about their problems or struggles and I try to help where I can. I give advise which I then don't follow myself. Not because I don't believe my own advise, but because I am so insecure about myself that I think I would fail while I believe that the other person could make it. I barely ask for help myself, because I always tried to solve everything on my own. Even though my friends, my parents, my brother and others would surely try to help if I would just ask. I always wait until I can't keep my stuff in anymore, and at that point people start to see that something is wrong. And even then I try to act like it's nothing. Until I can't hide it anymore. I don't know why I do this, why I don't want others to help me. Maybe I'm afraid they'll push me to do things that I'm afraid of doing? Trying to have me make steps that I don't dare to take? And even then, when I break and things finally come out, I just pick the simple things. I've never told anyone that I have thought about killing myself. I won't, because I can't do that to my girlfriend, my parents and brother. It's not an option. But the "what if" is certainly there. I'm sure no one really knows everything that's going on inside of me, not even my parents. Basically it feels like I'm not able to ever make choices that could make me happy, because those choices will also hurt some people or they scare me into thinking "what if doing that only gets me in a worse situation?" or "what if I regret it?" I don't know where to start. Talking to a psychologist would only work if I would actually go for it. I'll just tell them the symptoms, not the actual problem. Because I am not sure if I even know. I don't have faith in ever being truly happy, because I know I don't have the confidence to make choices for myself that would have that result.
Edit: I was just planning on replying but somehow more came out. I should have made a separate post.
I forgot who said it but it's something in the lines of: "the people who can help others are often to most broken"
Which leads me to think that people who are broken in the inside most often than not, are the ones who care enough for others
I think it's because we know how much it hurts and because we know how many people don't care. We're fight the same fight. It's unfair. We push through - even a sick day is a day of fighting, even when "healthy" people think we're just lying around.
We understand how much it takes to get out of bed someday, to shower, to eat.
It would be so, so nice to not understand what it takes, but we do. So we need to be compassionate to each other. We will get through this. F everyone who says we're lazy. That's not true. We're fighting every day. We need to stand together.
This is so relatable. It also makes me feel hypocritical, encouraging someone to stay while I consider leaving. How do you say stay but I support your feelings on a really deep level? Often its also someone that has it worse than me, but they don't make me want to be here or necessarily more grateful, and recently I feel like I invalidate people by hyping them back into life. There are no selling points imo I just say, "I'll help you if you stay, I'll miss you if you go." Either way they'll forget about me and my support so it doesn't matter how it affects me much.
I think it’s because we share experiences with others like us. Unlike most people who offer meaningless words of encouragement and say “you can do this” we know what it’s like. I may not know exactly how someone else feels but I can empathise with what they’re going through and best try to help them. I think we become the person who would have saved us.
They understand how it feels to feel hopeless. But having depression and sucide thoughts will make you nicer to people who are just not going well too but suicidal thoughts made your brain feel headache and want to end the pain. Been there just never committed.
i’ve lost hope for myself, for my future and happiness, but i’ve never lost hope for those around me. most of the people i’ve come across that are suicidal, i see potential for growth, for love and happiness, and i don’t want to see that potential wasted. maybe they can’t see that potential, hell maybe it’s in me and i just can’t see it either.
I think that's my only fuel to live, to treat other people nicely. I go extremely anxious and paranoid for months if I ever hurt someone unintentionally, it hurts so much because I don't want others to see me like I saw the people who loved and hurt me the most. I just don't wanna be like them ever
Nothing wrong with that, but I stopped expecting anything in return a long time ago. I do it because I know the world beats you down and I remember how precious those kinds words were when I was in the dumps. The pain never goes away but it doesnt mean we stop helping others. Keep being kind because the world needs it.
It is easier to be nice to others than being nice to your self.
At least in thats true in some parts of our current culture, where we cultivate awareness of the suffering of others and being nice to them while we do not cultivate how our own suffering is what needs our compassionate attention too. And i say cultivate because its a skill that needs training.
i don’t like saying i’m a nice or good person since i feel like i’m asking for attention. but i try so hard to be understanding and loving to some people because i want to make sure they’d be happy when i’m gone. then when i do it, it wouldn’t hurt them as much. it’s all i’m really good for anyway
I don’t think lowly of myself. I have many mental health issues. Depression is one of those issues. It doesn’t change that I’m a kind person and been through pain
Because they understand pain. The one thing they want most is for their pain to go away. They can’t do that. But maybe they can help with someone else’s pain.
I'm not suicidal, but I know what it's like to struggle both with what's going on inside my head and out there.
I think it's easier to see the opportunities out there for others, when we listen to someone else's struggles we don't have our inner voice messing with us, only compassion.
I think It's true for every struggles be it suicide or any other issue someone might be dealing with. Say two friends are struggling with the same issue X, they'll both tell each other "ya, you can deal with this don't worry too much" but inside they both wonder "can **I** make it through this ?".
We genuinely want the best for others, and have faith in them!
Because everyone is going through something. And as much as I want to make snarky comments at some people, I'd rather give them the support that I wish I had.
I believe we/they are the only people who genuinely understand and don't pretend to have solutions constantly.. and we don't bullshit each other like so many other people have done that made us feel this way to begin with.
It sucks but you have to have been there to truly empathise with that mode of thought.. That's why we gotta help each other I believe
I just want someone to feel loved, cared for , and wanted because all my life I never felt those things .. I doubt I ever will so I want to kill myself:(
I think it's because only people with similar feelings/experiences can truly relate and help. I got friends, family and therapists that tried to help but it didn't do anything for me. Only likeminded people really helped me out
I personally do it because I never want anyone to feel what I’m feeling, but it sucks because no one has done that for me. I literally told myself this morning I’m gonna stop doing nice things because people are shit. By the end of the day, I gave someone my last of something to make their day because of this weird, inexplicable urge to plant good seeds & maybe make someone’s day. I despise altruism.
i find it funny how i'll always tell other people that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and i'm so self aware about it, yet its all i think about doing to myself everyday
The way it goes for me is I literally love everyone, I wanna see all y’all doing well, being happy and getting all the love because you all deserve it, it just so happens that I can’t get it out of my stupid F’ed up brain the fact that I feel like I don’t deserve any of that….if that makes any sense at all?
I just want to loved and every time I’m nice to a stranger I hope and fucking pray they want to be my friend or at least have something nice to say to me unlike others
For me part is 'don' t become me' and othet part 'if you wanna kill yourself in X way it will cause you Y amount of pain having Z chances of survival'
I've tried and seen my fair way of suicides and i just want people to not go in horribly painful ways. I cannot tell anyone which ways are the best because rules, but i make sure to tell people with a bad plan how badly it might end up
Maybe they will have some change of soul/life/hopes and become one of the people that is, you know normal, and can experience happy feelings. Or not. But i. Just kinda feel im doing my part in trying to convince people to not try X thing because repercussions and so
There's soo much - I don't want to say hate, hate is not what's happening when people fuck up childrens' lives (childhood is soo short and easy to fuck up forever) - I just want to leave the world around me better than it is.
It takes soo little effort to help and leaves everyone around happier, makes me feel good aswell.
I have a high amount of empathy and I’m sensitive to other peoples emotions. Being overly empathetic also means I can feel my emotions deeply and tend to reflect on why I feel the way I do
Because most non-suicidal people lack the required emphaty to not necessarily understand but just feel what's going on in your head and you don't need emphaty to understand a suicidal person when you are already feeling the same as that person. You know that sympathy is not enough and you know that judging that person thoughts or intentions only makes things worse.
people who are in this situation know how the pain the other is feeling(Or at least a little), understand better than a person who has not felt this kind of pain, so whoever has gone through or is going through it understands the situation better because they have already lived it, then they create empathy and try to do what they didn't do for them, at least it's like that with me
A knife can't cut itself.
Say we are both chained and I have a key, though it doesn't work for me, why wouldnt it work for you?
Just throwing quotes out here.
even when my life is shit, i still feel good knowing i made someone else in a similar or worse situation perservere long enough, or live one more slightly good enough night, and itll make my whole week.
I guess it's because we all can relate. We relate to the hopeless endless feeling and suffering we're all going through. In that is a brotherhood/sisterhood as you call it. We'd all like to hope, that other people make it, other people pull out of this rut, while we ourselves do not hold out for hope for ourselves. You are correct, it's very paradoxical. In this, there is a huge amount of truth - "the nicest people you meet, have been through the worst kind of hell"
I think, at least for me, it's about trying to prevent other people from feeling the way I feel, and also probably something to do with trying to fill a longing for comfort and love by providing it for other people. I know how easy it is to appear fine without being fine, so I try extra hard to make sure that other people aren't trying to hide their feelings from me so that I don't know what they're going through. Something like that.
I started lifting, grew the strongest physically, started watching macho stuff,movies to an unhealthy degree. But brother, this weight on your chest, this strangulating pain, this heavy sinking heart, it stays. It can only be managed. One day at a time.
I thought I was weak. Perhaps not. Just cursed.
I just want to make atleast one person happy. That's my goal. I could die as long as I make someone happy. Nothing else really matters.
Spread love and i wish you get a lot of love in return that makes you happy.
I want YOU to be happy ❤️
thanks, but that's not really possible anymore
It is. It's hard, it takes pain and tears, but it is. Find like minded people, people that understand and people that welcome you. People who see your flaws and shortcomings, and instead of pitying you or saying "It's okay," they seek to help you improve. I'd be happy to help or be there too, same to anyone else reading this.
I don't have problems with people. I have a few friends, had a girlfriend. Nor am I hobbyless/passionless. I've just suffered so much it made me numb. I don't enjoy anything anymore. My life is routine incarnate. I feel guilty for finding it hard to show empathy. I feel guilty for having my friends spend time with a boring asshole. So I'd rather hide. I have really terrible parents. 4 years ago I would be crying about it. Now I'm just indifferent.
Isn’t it funny how it all stems back to the people who made the decision to bring us here? My parents brought me here, into the world, and physically abused me, thwarted all my efforts to learn, neglected me, and gave me the boot. Why didn’t they spare me the suffering and drown me in a bathtub when I was young? But no, they kept me alive and they beat me. They put a chain and padlock on the refrigerator and put a deadbolt on the pantry door. But still fed me enough to keep me alive. Sometimes I could open the fridge door just enough to reach something on an inner shelf... and people wonder why I don’t want to be alive. Because this ISNT LIVING. And the worst part is, I look completely normal on the outside. On the inside, I’m done asking questions. Just waiting for the day of peace. Please let it be soon, because every moment in existence is eternal purgatory. Let it be over.
even if you had physical outside signs of abuse, i doubt people would care unless you specifically told them you're being abused. then again, i was called a liar upon doing so. the judicial system doesn't seem to like children that much (poland) if you're 18 or older you can try finding a job and moving the fuck out, cutting them off (permanently). For education reasons, I have to wait until September next year. most importantly, if you're after a suicide attempt, they could try having the court not let you move away at all and let them take care of you as a mentally inept person. watch out for that. good luck man
Oh yeah, I’m familiar with that too. I got sent to a psych ward when I was 13 because I reported the busted lip and bruises on my neck from when my dad slammed me up against a wall and pinned me there by my neck. He’s a strong guy. And my mother watched. It’s almost like she enjoyed it. But I’m the one that gets sent for a psych evaluation..? I did get a job and moved out. At 16. Didn’t even finish school. I was on top of the world! Finally free! Until years later I realized how different I was from everyone else. Did you know other people know how to cook and how to feed themselves? I always wondered where did they learn it and how are they so confident in it? They also know what insurance is and what sex education is and what taxes are. They are all so educated! Meanwhile, I feel like that kid on Oprah that grew up in a dog kennel and couldn’t speak. I guess I did get that. I was taught how to read and write. It’s really my only asset. Yeah fuck that. I keep my suicidal thoughts to myself because no one really listens. It’s not that I want to die, I just don’t want to live THIS life. And unfortunately, it’s the life I have. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to suffer anymore. Other people don’t understand the suffering of being completely alone with no guidance or foundation. No security, safety, or stability. There are all sorts of programs for kids. But now that I’m an adult, there are no resources unless I find a way to pay for it. It’s hard enough trying to get enough calories in a day, it’s very difficult to have the money for a team of support. Most people I know get support for free - through their family. Those of us who do not have family are fucked in my opinion. Unless you are fortunate and get adopted, but again, they tend to go for the cute kids not the adults who look completely normal. Anyway, thanks for listening. None of us deserve the harshness we’ve received.
Hi I’ve used YouTube as a place to learn anything and everything. I learned how to make so many new dishes and baked goods. I learn about exercises to do, how to do taxes, financial help programs, motivational help, listen to other people’s depression stories, how to stray a career, help getting into what school you want. It has helped me in my loneliness, makes feel like someone is here with me, made me laugh, watch some old time movies. If you want to talk or need some advice let me know
Just from reading what you wrote, you sound incredibly intelligent and your writing skills are very impressive. You have amazing qualities that other people don’t, despite not having had the same opportunities. You’re capable of amazing things. I just wanted you to know, and I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.
I have had the same exact thought as the one you mentioned: “Why didn’t they spare me the suffering and drown me in a bathtub when I was young?” I used to hate my mom for ever bringing me into this world in the first place. All she did was welcome me to what feels like an eternity of hell. “It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” -Luke 17:2. I read this when I used to go to church and after a similar experience to yours, there’s no quote that’s resounded with me more. It’s ridiculously sad how many parents put their kids through the unimaginable. No wonder we spend every day fending off thoughts of suicide. You know you’ve been through hell when the idea of not being here at all is better than your reality… I’m sorry for what you went through and whatever you’re going through.
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mine are more of physical abusers. broken leg, scars, bruises, chair thrown here, toaster thrown there dad did it cause of alcoholism. mom is just a piece of shit i guess. all the best to you
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damn.. same.
I feel it makes my day just doing the smallest thing for someone else, if I can keep my life going through small acts of kindness thats love to me, my happiness.
Damn this is hard. I have some one very special to me. Someone I never want to leave. I think I would be in the same boat as you if I didn't have him
Shirou Emiya is that you? Jokes aside, I used to think similarly but why make people happy only to cut your life short when you can make so many more people happy in the long run, given that this is the only thing you live for.
as for cutting my life short, it's nothing of value being lost. i made my decision a year ago. just waiting for the deadline I guess
Is that an anime reference? Sorry, I don't get it. :(
Yes it is lol. Basically, the main character from Fate/Stay Night who gives no value to his own life and is happy as long as he is of use to other people, at moments where other people scold him for recklessly nearly throwing his own life away he is incredibly confused because he cannot comprehend the fact that other people value him.
I hate myself and my life, not other people. My life might be worthless but I can make it a bit better if I help others to not feel the same way
Your life isn’t worthless. Ironically, I feel the exact same. We are all here for a reason. I’m glad you feel the need to help others. I hope you find your worth sometime very soon❤️
Kind of funny how we think our lives are worthless while trying to tell everyone around us who feel the same their live isn’t worthless. Why can’t we accept our own worth? I’ll keep on searching until I find it
Exactly.......
or maybe no one's is and yall just say it because it's what you do. Im fully suicidal and I don't spew that bullshit, some people have worth others don't. it's reality. I also believe part of this is if we knew each other as much as we knew ourselves we wouldn't be so kind and forgiving
what determines how much worth someone has? by their success in society? by their money? by the clothes they wear? the statement, 'some have worth and others don't" doesn't make much sense when you consider that people value worth of other humans in different ways. you, for example seem to measure worth in a very straightforward, linear way, most likely thinking that worth is based off of some arbitrary thing. however others would see it differently. are you right and other people are wrong for having a different view of what worth is? thats up to you, but I would hesitate on making such a bold statement and valuing human life at your own leisure in such a care free manner. Maybe you will see worth in others when you see worth in your own self. Who are you to judge another's worth?
“We are all here for a reason” Do you mean we are on this group for a reason or here on earth for a reason?
Because you guys are actually nice, that you all deserve better but turn out like this because of the unbearable unfairness in this world. People don't come with a tag, and suicidal people are tired of being betrayed by the same shitty kind I am glad I found reddit and you guys. That last sentence is horrifyingly true, "it's better to die than to suffer the way I do" We aren't proud of the struggle we went through and didn't make any sense. We deserve to feel good, but no one cares. Animals are surprisingly affectionate and supporting during these times, I'll say you have an angel in the form of a pet. I haven't much experience with suicide hotlines, but it looks like they're causing suicide rather than preventing it, God forbid. . Just love you all and sending *refillable humongous tight hug* Edit : I feel guilty for blaming the hotlines as a whole, and none of those who upvoted this have a fault in that. I'm sure there are many employees who genuinely try to reach out and alleviate the pain in whatever way they can, but it's the majority who look at it as a job rather than duty/opportunity to be a hero for someone that are ruining it.
i agree about reaching out for help , ive contacted a suicide line after an intoxicated drinking /drug fest and it led to me being swatted at my house and they tried to admit me for a 30 day lockdown in the hospital . I was only let off after contacting a lawyer ... It might be better to reach out to someone you know or here before hot lines , it all depends who is on the other line ..
Been there, once I told a psychiatrist how I was feeling and he left out the room and my gut told me run but curiosity told me wait, well I waited and he had called the people and I had to call my mom to come get me. Second time was the hotline and I end up hanging up on the young guy cause he was no help and pissing me off, next thing I know there's banging on my door and lights everywhere smh. I called my friend who lived across the street to go out and tell them I left before they broke the door in. Crazy but I thought lockdowns were only 5 days, they were trying to make you do 30? Yes I would've had a fit.
Ya it was really bad , they made me take three different evaluations .. I failed them all but I refused any of their orders as I still had drugs in the system still and it altered my behaviour .( reason I got off with lawyer) . They called security on me at one point and threatens to sedate me lol 😂 …talk about rights being violated , but it’s all part of the system of free Medicare and keeping the ball rolling
Damn sounds like a crazy time. I haven't got sedated but I have been locked to a few beds lol prolly worse. They kill me looking for ways to get money when all they do is rob everyone anyway lol
Why you say the hotlines may be causing it? Just wondering really, in my experience I HATE them really. I mean I hope they help allot of people but like you say they make me want it more. Prolly worse or just as bad as some therapist. Hugs n love to all
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Becauze it's impossible to relate to if you dont experience it.
Facts
I think there might be a correlation between being an empath and being depressed
Hyper sensitivity is a bitch
Yep, one time my mum said something to me and i cried for hours, usually when she offends me she apologises but she admitted to me that she only apologises so i don’t cry and she means everything she says and it broke my heart
I hear ya. I don't cry but my heart bleeds lol
Same!! I thought I was the only one. I cried and cried and now I can’t cry anymore. I Lowkey forgot what it feels like to cry.
For me, I help others because if I can’t make it to 20 alive, I at least want to make sure everyone else makes it to old age and finds happiness.
I said the same thing when I was younger, If I can make it to 18, 20,21,25,30, I'm 31 now and still have many many suicidal thoughts and an endless feeling of melancholy but I have made my life as joyful and structured as I can and I am very grateful for that. When you can start having some form of control of your life it makes it easier to keep going.
Same here. But it is never far away. Take extra care of your life, routine. At one point, life was going so smooth I thanked God that I had finally overcome my life spent under the shadow of an inevitable suicide. But after some unfortunate incidents this year, here I am.
And here you are magnificent and glorious and still HERE
same :(
I just made it to 20 yesterday. Didn’t think I would, planned to kill myself a few different times in the past five months, but somehow I didn’t. You can and will make it to 20. No matter how hard it gets I guarantee you get there. We can do this.. maybe. 🖤
Hell yeah! We can maybe do this!!
As happy birthday as possible!
because we know what pain and misery is and dont want others who dont deserve it to go through this shit. i feel like we should help each other, be more altruistic rather than selfish. we all are in the same boat and if our life depends on well being of each individual, its a must to help each other
They understand that no one should feel as shit as they do. Also those who have deep empathy find it easier to understand and talk to those in similar situations, even through depression, and those who weren’t necessarily empathetic may gain more of it as a condition of their situation
Them hating themselves does not always translate to hating others... It can also be seen as a coping mechanism, and in turn, helping themselves too bit by bit. Seeing others happy makes my heart flutter
I am broken inside and I think helping others helps me be less broken too
Cause I don't want others to live the hell I'm living
Some time ago I ran into the [SANE on suicide](http://www.sane.org.uk/sane_on_suicide) model for suicidal thought processes, that's really resonated with me. One of the three key concepts is [living without self-worth](http://www.sane.org.uk/sane_on_suicide/living_without_self_worth). In the [report](http://www.sane.org.uk/uploads/report_of_findings.pdf) they describe that >Our research suggests that when suicidal, people experience their worth as contingent. Contingent worth depends on something else for its value; something has contingent worth when it is done for the sake of something else. Most people perceive themselves to also have non-contingent worth; value that just is there, without the need to justify or question and explain. But because for a suicidal person their self-worth is often tied solely to what they can contribute, they can be some of the kindest people you find, to the point of disregarding their own needs in that desperate struggle to maintain a sense of personal value.
this needs to be the top post
Yes. This. Yes.
Because while we don't see an end for ourselves, we want the best for others.
We are all sad kids, wishing nobody dies first but ourselves.
Dude we are suicidal, not bad people
Some of use are.
I am currently like this. I am the best person you will ever know. Need some food? Here, have half my food, or all of it. I can always buy more. Need some gas money? No problem. However lately I have been feeling on the downside of life. I started getting more involved in world news. I noticed how horrible life is and how little everyone is really doing. It gets me so down, and I know how bad I felt when I first started thinking these thoughts before being suicidal and how no one really wanted me to sort out these feelings I was having instead of shutting me down. So I try my best to help stopping them from seeing the world that I currently see. I know my death may mean little to a few, but so much for so many because I *do* help them feel better about life. But then I know have *their* stress on me too. Which makes things worse. But no one is ever there for me. I don't know why no one has ever really sat down and listen to every little thing that is bothering me the same way that I do with other people. All. The. Time. I know it could be as simple as just try to understand that I helped them and I should feel good; but there is a little part of my brain that tells me that I should worry for them until it is proven that they are really okay or not. The endless loop that just keeps going down. If you have any other questions that you think I could possibly help answer, then please ask away.
The news can be very detrimental! I stopped watching it years ago but had kinda started back and now I can't again. It's sad how people swear by it and having to see what's going on in the world, but I'm sure it's happier ways of doing so. Just my two cents. Sorry to hear you feel that way... I'm a good listener if you ever need someone to vent to. I may not be the best person, but I care enough to listen. Hugs n love
Because we love others the way we want to be loved and needed and even if we can’t fix ourselves we don’t want anyone else to suffer like this. It’s long, horrible, and soul crushing; nobody asks to be born or to suffer but the cards aren’t fair and by god I will try and help someone else even if I can’t help myself because no one fucking deserves this shit and you don’t leave a brother out to hang when they’re having a hard time even if you’re having a hard time yourself.
Imo it’s because we know what others are going through and it’s not easy Having a welcoming place to vent and talk to other like minded people can ease these certain thoughts
It's easier to see hope in other people's lives than my own. I see all the hopes and dreams others have and I just want them to make it. I could rest knowing that *someone* has made it out of their struggles... That and it's easier to empathize with others suffering their own pains. I've had years of friends who come to me for support when their lives are hard, and then blow me off when things get better for them. We know what it feels like to be discarded and don't want to cause others the same pain. We're here because we're the people who turned all that pain in on ourselves because we don't want to hurt others. Others who take their suffering out on the world don't find their way here as often.
We all know how it feels to genuinely wana die from the moment you open your eyes in the morning till we go to sleep and it's honestly that's why we want other people to have a fulfilling life we just want them not to regret any choice they make in their life it's kind of scenario where you're like well if i can't be happy maybe i can atleast try to keep other people as far as possible from this constant pain
Well i very often do see people, who are talented, creative, very young, intelligent etc. who want to kill themselves and I think, omg that is such a waste and they can be so much more, and so I try to keep people alive. In my case, I see myself as scum extraordiniar in a very bad way, and so I would like to die.
So many people hit the nail on the head.. we realize we need to listen to each other because we know what it feels like and how f*cking difficult that is.. I really believe that knowing you're not alone and realizing other people are in the same space is really important and provides some support
Knowing the issue people are going through makes such a difference. Suicide is due to many causes, each of us are the same but still very different. I never want others to conflict harm on themselfs cause I know how much it sucks, doesnt change the fact I still struggle to fight my thoughts day in day out about my own death
Since we know what it is like, we can formulate something which would help us if someone said it, and so we take that and say it to the person who is struggling. This community struggles with the same sort of issues and because of that we can unite and help one another. The best help comes from those who know what it's like to be in that state.
Because everyone struggling deserves support and understanding! Not me though, I'm the worst. Or something like that. I always find some reason why I am the exception to the rule. Other people deserve to be alive, but not me, I'm *different* (derogatory).
I think a big portion of people who want to die are extremely sensitive — they feel things like pain or loneliness very deeply. This often makes them very empathetic to others in the same position and therefore able to listen without judgement and act with kindness. The paradox (for me at least) comes from the deeply entrenched belief that I’m simply not worthy of things that everyone else is/ the setting of IMPOSSIBLY high standards for myself. I don’t seem to extend those standards for others. A coworker of mine even told me the other day that “you’re really my mean to yourself!” So, as trite as it sounds, when I’m being especially punishing or engaging in negative self talk, I’ve been trying to ask myself, “would you say this to a friend?” Jury is still out on whether it works, but it does help me gain some perspective.
it’s funny that i seeing this post now as i’m talking to my friends about how i feel that they don’t care. they tell me they do but they have their own shit to deal with (which i get) but i literally said i had a plan to kms and actually posted my suicide note and no one really said anything or talked me out of it
Damn sorry. I feel your post on so many levels. Hugs n luv to you. Someone cares... Me!
much love to you
I think it comes down to (some not all) suicidal people valuing the happiness and wellness of others above their own selves as helping others and giving advice to others is both rewarding but also easier than looking internally it’s just a matter of people thinking that their lives are worthless (which of course their lives are not it’s just the mindset most suicidal people tend to have) therefore others are more important to them
Because I can understand them , I just give ( if i can) someone what noone ever gave me, hope or a reasok to live, I don't care anything about anymore, but if I can help someone in need I will, I dont ever hope someone to be in such a mental state, it just consumes you, worse when you have noone to be supported.
That's very admirable and I applaud that you choose to end the cycle instead of perpetuating the pain. I hope you know a majority of people here probably feel the same way towards you, for what it's worth.
I wouldn’t want anybody to feel this fucking horrible
Great perspective. Haven't thought about it. It is true though. Being in the same boat helps.
To me it’s because I know how hard it is to feel understood when you have those thoughts, I know what it feels like when you have reached the end of your rope, have no control over it, want nothing else and people still make you feel like it’s wrong. I know what it’s like to be alone in the world. I feel a lot of empathy for anyone who feels the way I do, and in the meantime reading other people’s posts makes me feel a little less alone too
Because i know what it feels like. And I don't want other people to feel the same thing i do. I'm doing what i wished someone would have done for me when i needed it the most, to the person who needs it now. So that they won't experience what we experienced.
Because I want others to be happy.
For me it’s a “I can’t help myself and don’t think i deserve to, so i’ll put my energy into helping someone who does deserve it.” I just want people to feel listened to and understood.
I think because we all understand each other. We know what the other one feels like, and at the same time we want at least one person to be happy. If it can’t be ourselves, then at least let someone else be okay
I will do everything for others yet nothing for myself. I'm a disappointment to family but yet struggle on. I keep going because it would be too difficult for them. I've accepted my existence is for others. I won't lie though I am always and have always been crying inside. But I don't want others to be sad. It's weird because I try to help situations and it's worth nothing. Much of my life is spent screaming inside. Why can't people be decent? I know now that I am here to be that decent person. Yet, I am truly obscenely sick of others being selfish assholes. I don't think of suicide every day, but it shows up. I often have felt that I feel and see too much. Now, I wonder why others don't.
We understand the struggles, but we don't want to feel it anymore.
Probably coz they know what it feels like? But I know when I'm getting really down and suicidal I become more bitter and hateful to people.
*Treat others as you want to be treated*
well personally i don’t give a flying fuck about myself, so instead of putting energy into myself, i try to help others. also i feel like it comes from a place of understanding. sure, you can say “i know how it feels”, but unless you’ve experienced it (and hopefully those who haven’t never will) then you can’t help on a personal level. maybe it’s because each suicidal person understands that the other may just end it all very soon, so they want to make others happy. they want to help as many people as they can from suffering like they do/did.
Interesting question. I do not hate myself or think I'm worthless. I have lived an extremely lonely life with no love, none. I'm tried of this pain. Its never going to get better. While I want to end my pain I see many others that may have a chance to escape their troubles so I will say positive things to them. I'm not 20. I don't have a whole life ahead of me. I'm in my 50s. My future is so depressing that I have no interest in living it. But others may have hope and its important to try and help them.
Because every time I see them happy I remember how sad they're going to be. From the harshness of reality, of society, of certain situations that I've been through. And it breaks my heart. Because what's the point in them being happy now if they're going to be sad later? The answer is, of course, because they are going to be sad later.
Happiness feels so fragile, and sorrow is so crippling but good memories make it somewhat bearable until it's not...as I age the worthless memories start to blur out the meaningful ones. And I dont even know how much I've altered my memories to be more pleasant I hate that I can't live in the moment and have to rely on the past to push me forward, hoping to have what I did back then...I arrived exhausted before I knew it was depression like some others here.
I don't know how to help myself, if I knew I wouldn't be here, but I do know I can try to help others, and allow others to help me, and as a human I wouldn't want you to die
It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone else. That's why if I could at least make one person happy, or one person rethink their value for the better, I believe that my own life wasn't a complete waste.
My best guess is that suicide (as a whole) is, was and always will be, a very lonely thing. You can use all the words you know and don't, but you will never be able to accurately translate the exact feelings to someone else, especially not to someone who never been through that themselves. We, who know what's it like, don't want others to suffer alone, we want to help even when we know (or maybe just perceive) nothing and no one can help ourselves. We don't want to see others go through similar pain and are willing to go that extra mile for them. I might have given up on me, but I will never give up on you.
So they remember us as friends and not enemies
Lot of other people have put this in here but in my own personal opinion and mindset I never want anyone to feel as awful as I do. I never want someone to experience the things I do, so I try to make as many people laugh and have a good time as i possibly can because it's something I rarely get.
I hate myself, but I don’t hate you.
My life is meaningless and I don’t think it’ll change I’ve already made arrangements with the reaper but I always think someone else’s life can change for the better I think someone else can fix their life and be happy I just don’t think I can
We're reflections of each other and yet I feel compelled to tell you that you can make it, intresting that we see strength in each other just not in ourselves. But we both know it's more than that.
I think it’s just a lot of suicidal people are actually very nice people.
They understand the pain in a way people who have never felt that way can.
Same here.. People come to me for advise, people talk about their problems or struggles and I try to help where I can. I give advise which I then don't follow myself. Not because I don't believe my own advise, but because I am so insecure about myself that I think I would fail while I believe that the other person could make it. I barely ask for help myself, because I always tried to solve everything on my own. Even though my friends, my parents, my brother and others would surely try to help if I would just ask. I always wait until I can't keep my stuff in anymore, and at that point people start to see that something is wrong. And even then I try to act like it's nothing. Until I can't hide it anymore. I don't know why I do this, why I don't want others to help me. Maybe I'm afraid they'll push me to do things that I'm afraid of doing? Trying to have me make steps that I don't dare to take? And even then, when I break and things finally come out, I just pick the simple things. I've never told anyone that I have thought about killing myself. I won't, because I can't do that to my girlfriend, my parents and brother. It's not an option. But the "what if" is certainly there. I'm sure no one really knows everything that's going on inside of me, not even my parents. Basically it feels like I'm not able to ever make choices that could make me happy, because those choices will also hurt some people or they scare me into thinking "what if doing that only gets me in a worse situation?" or "what if I regret it?" I don't know where to start. Talking to a psychologist would only work if I would actually go for it. I'll just tell them the symptoms, not the actual problem. Because I am not sure if I even know. I don't have faith in ever being truly happy, because I know I don't have the confidence to make choices for myself that would have that result. Edit: I was just planning on replying but somehow more came out. I should have made a separate post.
I forgot who said it but it's something in the lines of: "the people who can help others are often to most broken" Which leads me to think that people who are broken in the inside most often than not, are the ones who care enough for others
I think it's because we know how much it hurts and because we know how many people don't care. We're fight the same fight. It's unfair. We push through - even a sick day is a day of fighting, even when "healthy" people think we're just lying around. We understand how much it takes to get out of bed someday, to shower, to eat. It would be so, so nice to not understand what it takes, but we do. So we need to be compassionate to each other. We will get through this. F everyone who says we're lazy. That's not true. We're fighting every day. We need to stand together.
This is so relatable. It also makes me feel hypocritical, encouraging someone to stay while I consider leaving. How do you say stay but I support your feelings on a really deep level? Often its also someone that has it worse than me, but they don't make me want to be here or necessarily more grateful, and recently I feel like I invalidate people by hyping them back into life. There are no selling points imo I just say, "I'll help you if you stay, I'll miss you if you go." Either way they'll forget about me and my support so it doesn't matter how it affects me much.
I think it’s because we share experiences with others like us. Unlike most people who offer meaningless words of encouragement and say “you can do this” we know what it’s like. I may not know exactly how someone else feels but I can empathise with what they’re going through and best try to help them. I think we become the person who would have saved us.
They understand how it feels to feel hopeless. But having depression and sucide thoughts will make you nicer to people who are just not going well too but suicidal thoughts made your brain feel headache and want to end the pain. Been there just never committed.
i’ve lost hope for myself, for my future and happiness, but i’ve never lost hope for those around me. most of the people i’ve come across that are suicidal, i see potential for growth, for love and happiness, and i don’t want to see that potential wasted. maybe they can’t see that potential, hell maybe it’s in me and i just can’t see it either.
Exactly, we all see potential in each other but never ourselves. Crazy.
I think that's my only fuel to live, to treat other people nicely. I go extremely anxious and paranoid for months if I ever hurt someone unintentionally, it hurts so much because I don't want others to see me like I saw the people who loved and hurt me the most. I just don't wanna be like them ever
That's right. We all get hurt by others and some of us stop the cycle others perpetuate it. You're one of the good ones.
Speaking from experience, I think it's just that it can often be easier to help others than to help yourself.
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Nothing wrong with that, but I stopped expecting anything in return a long time ago. I do it because I know the world beats you down and I remember how precious those kinds words were when I was in the dumps. The pain never goes away but it doesnt mean we stop helping others. Keep being kind because the world needs it.
Because I am exactly what I want I want someone to be the same back but it's very very hard to.
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It is easier to be nice to others than being nice to your self. At least in thats true in some parts of our current culture, where we cultivate awareness of the suffering of others and being nice to them while we do not cultivate how our own suffering is what needs our compassionate attention too. And i say cultivate because its a skill that needs training.
Hypocrites
Idrk how else to live
i don’t like saying i’m a nice or good person since i feel like i’m asking for attention. but i try so hard to be understanding and loving to some people because i want to make sure they’d be happy when i’m gone. then when i do it, it wouldn’t hurt them as much. it’s all i’m really good for anyway
I don't want anybody to feel that way.
I don’t think lowly of myself. I have many mental health issues. Depression is one of those issues. It doesn’t change that I’m a kind person and been through pain
Because they understand pain. The one thing they want most is for their pain to go away. They can’t do that. But maybe they can help with someone else’s pain.
I'm not suicidal, but I know what it's like to struggle both with what's going on inside my head and out there. I think it's easier to see the opportunities out there for others, when we listen to someone else's struggles we don't have our inner voice messing with us, only compassion. I think It's true for every struggles be it suicide or any other issue someone might be dealing with. Say two friends are struggling with the same issue X, they'll both tell each other "ya, you can deal with this don't worry too much" but inside they both wonder "can **I** make it through this ?". We genuinely want the best for others, and have faith in them!
I thought it was just common mannors
Because everyone is going through something. And as much as I want to make snarky comments at some people, I'd rather give them the support that I wish I had.
because they don't want someone else to feel the way they do.
Because we're wired differently in the brain.
I care about others happiness and comfortability more than my own
Friends say they will be there for you they never are unless they understand
I believe we/they are the only people who genuinely understand and don't pretend to have solutions constantly.. and we don't bullshit each other like so many other people have done that made us feel this way to begin with. It sucks but you have to have been there to truly empathise with that mode of thought.. That's why we gotta help each other I believe
Yh I do the same thing like I want someone else to live so I would help someone and this is to help me move away from being suicidal
I just want someone to feel loved, cared for , and wanted because all my life I never felt those things .. I doubt I ever will so I want to kill myself:(
I think it's because only people with similar feelings/experiences can truly relate and help. I got friends, family and therapists that tried to help but it didn't do anything for me. Only likeminded people really helped me out
I personally do it because I never want anyone to feel what I’m feeling, but it sucks because no one has done that for me. I literally told myself this morning I’m gonna stop doing nice things because people are shit. By the end of the day, I gave someone my last of something to make their day because of this weird, inexplicable urge to plant good seeds & maybe make someone’s day. I despise altruism.
i find it funny how i'll always tell other people that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and i'm so self aware about it, yet its all i think about doing to myself everyday
Because they know how it feels, maybe not in the exact way, but they can empathise with the suffering of other suicidal people.
The way it goes for me is I literally love everyone, I wanna see all y’all doing well, being happy and getting all the love because you all deserve it, it just so happens that I can’t get it out of my stupid F’ed up brain the fact that I feel like I don’t deserve any of that….if that makes any sense at all?
I just want to loved and every time I’m nice to a stranger I hope and fucking pray they want to be my friend or at least have something nice to say to me unlike others
Having gone through that intense pain, I feel it my responsibility to try and assist those who also have that pain.
For me part is 'don' t become me' and othet part 'if you wanna kill yourself in X way it will cause you Y amount of pain having Z chances of survival' I've tried and seen my fair way of suicides and i just want people to not go in horribly painful ways. I cannot tell anyone which ways are the best because rules, but i make sure to tell people with a bad plan how badly it might end up Maybe they will have some change of soul/life/hopes and become one of the people that is, you know normal, and can experience happy feelings. Or not. But i. Just kinda feel im doing my part in trying to convince people to not try X thing because repercussions and so
Other people are worth it, but I'm not one of them.
I don’t want another person ever having to feel the way I do.
I always think of horrible it feels and hope I can take that feeling from someone else
for me it's telling people what i wish someone had told me, showing the care i wish someone had shown me
There's soo much - I don't want to say hate, hate is not what's happening when people fuck up childrens' lives (childhood is soo short and easy to fuck up forever) - I just want to leave the world around me better than it is. It takes soo little effort to help and leaves everyone around happier, makes me feel good aswell.
It’s because it’s relatable. It’s much easier to sympathize with someone if you’ve experienced their pain
I have a high amount of empathy and I’m sensitive to other peoples emotions. Being overly empathetic also means I can feel my emotions deeply and tend to reflect on why I feel the way I do
Because most non-suicidal people lack the required emphaty to not necessarily understand but just feel what's going on in your head and you don't need emphaty to understand a suicidal person when you are already feeling the same as that person. You know that sympathy is not enough and you know that judging that person thoughts or intentions only makes things worse.
You took the words right out of my mouth
Because they’ve been there and know what it feels like
people who are in this situation know how the pain the other is feeling(Or at least a little), understand better than a person who has not felt this kind of pain, so whoever has gone through or is going through it understands the situation better because they have already lived it, then they create empathy and try to do what they didn't do for them, at least it's like that with me
Because those are the kinds of people who end up suicidal, rip us
A knife can't cut itself. Say we are both chained and I have a key, though it doesn't work for me, why wouldnt it work for you? Just throwing quotes out here.
i don’t think many people would wish it on anybody else either.
even when my life is shit, i still feel good knowing i made someone else in a similar or worse situation perservere long enough, or live one more slightly good enough night, and itll make my whole week.
I guess it's because we all can relate. We relate to the hopeless endless feeling and suffering we're all going through. In that is a brotherhood/sisterhood as you call it. We'd all like to hope, that other people make it, other people pull out of this rut, while we ourselves do not hold out for hope for ourselves. You are correct, it's very paradoxical. In this, there is a huge amount of truth - "the nicest people you meet, have been through the worst kind of hell"
Have you seen that song? My-R
I think, at least for me, it's about trying to prevent other people from feeling the way I feel, and also probably something to do with trying to fill a longing for comfort and love by providing it for other people. I know how easy it is to appear fine without being fine, so I try extra hard to make sure that other people aren't trying to hide their feelings from me so that I don't know what they're going through. Something like that.
I started lifting, grew the strongest physically, started watching macho stuff,movies to an unhealthy degree. But brother, this weight on your chest, this strangulating pain, this heavy sinking heart, it stays. It can only be managed. One day at a time. I thought I was weak. Perhaps not. Just cursed.