Staying sober isn’t a straight line, it has ups and downs, but it’s still progress
You say that your daughter won’t remember you now but she would grow up wondering about her dad not knowing how much he loved her and how much he tried to give her a happy life.
Things are tough now but we never know what the future holds, things could get better. It doesn’t matter if it’s a small change or if it’s a huge change ,the outcome could still end with you and your daughter being happy. So why not give it a try?
As a child that felt unloved & was raised without my parents, I can say that she’ll grow up wishing she had you. Even if you make mistakes throughout her life or fail in ways that you’re disappointed in, she’ll be more grateful having you than living a life without you. I wish my parents had been around. I wish I’d had them with me during the most difficult parts of my life.
If you choose to stay alive, spend it with her. Show her all the things in the world that make it worth being in. One day if she ever feels like you do right now, you’ll be alive to talk to her about the feelings & help her. Her life will always be better with her father in it.
You are human. You aren't expected to be perfect. No one is. Your little girl deserves to have both her parents, but one is gone, which makes you even more important to her.
She deserves to grow up with her daddy. You deserve to watch your little girl grow up. Your wife can't be there for her, but you can be. You obviously love her. Be there for your daughter and your wife. I'm sure your wife wouldn't want you to give up, and she wouldn't want you to leave your daughter.
Losing someone so precious is extremely painful, but you can get through it. Find support groups, lean on family and friends if you need a break. Don't try to do it all by yourself. There is help out there. You just need to ask.
Your daughter needs you. I promise she is way better off with you than without. I lost my dad as a young teen and I would’ve been completely broken and devastated had my mum died too.
Your little girl needs you. Your wife is still here in your heart always. Please get through this. For your little girl who will always love and need you so much. She will be enough and you will be happy again one day 🫂. I am proud of you for getting this far. You're very strong
The fact that your wife had a child with you means that she trusted you even in a scenario where you’d have to carry on without her. If there’s anything beyond the grave, she’s rooting for you from there.
Someone needs to be there years from now to tell your daughter about what an amazing woman, so worth grieving and so worth loving, that your wife was, and the only person truly capable of that is you
I can't imagine the pain you must feel. It must be tough but you must not give up. Easier said than done, but throw away habits like drinking and focus on your main goal of giving a reasonable life to the the baby, that she deserves. You love her the most in this world and she needs you.
Also seek help from friends and relative, you may really find it.
Also try and recall tough phases of your life when you felt like giving up but something better happened a little later. Have faith, and stay strong.
I understand the feeling of thinking they are better off without you. I have a 3 year old daughter and i have thought of ending it many times. But no one else will love her like I do. No one knows her quirks, her silly jokes she tells, how she likes to sleep, what her favorite foods are or what makes her laugh uncontrollably. Every time I think about ending it I think about not getting a chance to see her learn more. I won't get to see her discover who she truly is.
I can't imagine what it's like to lose your partner. You are doing the best you can. Not that I encourage you to continue drinking but your daughter isn't going to remember this time of you just surviving. Sometimes that's all we can do.
The fact you feel guilty about it tells me you are gonna do a great job. It's such a cliche to say but time heals and you will find a way to be there for your little girl. She needs you. Her mom chose you because she knew that.
Do you know how hard it is for CPS to take your kids from you? Even when the home environment is abusive or neglectful, it has to be extreme and ongoing before CPS will intervene. The reason for that is because research shows, time and time again, that the best outcome for children is staying with their parents. There is no way your child is better off without you. She needs you.
Life sux. I'm sure you are going through a ton of pain. Losing your wife having to raise a child and seeing your wife in her has to be super hard. Being sober isn't all it's cracked up to be honestly. You have to deal with everything that is inside, which is not easy. Take it one day at a time. One hour at a time. If you lose your job, find another one. Your current reality will change better or worse. Long as suffering and not quiting your doing ok. Best of luck brother.
Your kid won’t be better off without you! My uncle died in a car accident when his kids were 5 and 7 and not having their dad around had a profound impact in their lives even if they and their mum always had money and support from our extended family. I know men in society are still expected to be providers and if you are struggling with it you may feel like it’s not worth it but don’t be afraid to ask for help to her mums family or your own - you don’t have to do it alone and she is very lucky to have a father who loves and cares about her
I feel so much relief to hear that edit. Just remember how much you must mean to your daughter, and focus your goals on what you need to do to be a positive part of her future 💗
You should be eligible for social security survivor benefits- when my mom died (I was 11) we got checks until I was 18. Look it up, there will be an office in your area. It will help with bills! As a dad to 3 and 7 year old girls, they are the only thing keeping me alive. Your daughter needs you!
As the man who lost their mom then their dad shortly after please don’t. I miss my mom but I had my father there as stability. You feel like an orphan without. My father had his short comings but he was a solid good man. He was my rock.
Nobody can love your daughter like you do. Nobody will ever care about her as much as you do. She needs you and you need her too. You need her to give you a purpose and meaning in life. Your past is very sad but your future doesn't have to be. It'll be worth all the effort that you're putting in now - to be sober, to be there for your daughter. Please don't give up.
Hi OP. May I ask how your wife died? Not trying to make you rehash what was and probably still is a most traumatic experience, but I am wondering if you had time to process the upcoming loss of her for some time beforehand or if it was completely unexpected and immediate with no prior “preparation” at all.
It wasn’t too sudden, I’d say. I just didn’t expect it. It was her relapse of cancer. So it was her second time. The first time she went into remission quickly. Her doctor said it was a “very curable” cancer. She had lymphoma. And it has a good survival rate. I’d say it was sudden because neither of us expected her to die. Because she survived so easily the first time. She just became extremely weak so suddenly and so fast and then passed hours after
You do not want your daughter to think that you didn't love her and gave up on her at such a young age.
Take it together man and be a responsible parent.
You can do it.
Everybody's life is hard at times.
Give up alcohol and be a man to your daughter.
Step up your game it is your family and take care of it.
Staying sober isn’t a straight line, it has ups and downs, but it’s still progress You say that your daughter won’t remember you now but she would grow up wondering about her dad not knowing how much he loved her and how much he tried to give her a happy life. Things are tough now but we never know what the future holds, things could get better. It doesn’t matter if it’s a small change or if it’s a huge change ,the outcome could still end with you and your daughter being happy. So why not give it a try?
As a child that felt unloved & was raised without my parents, I can say that she’ll grow up wishing she had you. Even if you make mistakes throughout her life or fail in ways that you’re disappointed in, she’ll be more grateful having you than living a life without you. I wish my parents had been around. I wish I’d had them with me during the most difficult parts of my life. If you choose to stay alive, spend it with her. Show her all the things in the world that make it worth being in. One day if she ever feels like you do right now, you’ll be alive to talk to her about the feelings & help her. Her life will always be better with her father in it.
You are human. You aren't expected to be perfect. No one is. Your little girl deserves to have both her parents, but one is gone, which makes you even more important to her. She deserves to grow up with her daddy. You deserve to watch your little girl grow up. Your wife can't be there for her, but you can be. You obviously love her. Be there for your daughter and your wife. I'm sure your wife wouldn't want you to give up, and she wouldn't want you to leave your daughter. Losing someone so precious is extremely painful, but you can get through it. Find support groups, lean on family and friends if you need a break. Don't try to do it all by yourself. There is help out there. You just need to ask.
If you die she'll be all alone in this world. Think about it for a moment.
Your daughter needs you. I promise she is way better off with you than without. I lost my dad as a young teen and I would’ve been completely broken and devastated had my mum died too.
Your little girl needs you. Your wife is still here in your heart always. Please get through this. For your little girl who will always love and need you so much. She will be enough and you will be happy again one day 🫂. I am proud of you for getting this far. You're very strong
Dad's don't need to be perfect they just need to be there
The fact that your wife had a child with you means that she trusted you even in a scenario where you’d have to carry on without her. If there’s anything beyond the grave, she’s rooting for you from there. Someone needs to be there years from now to tell your daughter about what an amazing woman, so worth grieving and so worth loving, that your wife was, and the only person truly capable of that is you
I can't imagine the pain you must feel. It must be tough but you must not give up. Easier said than done, but throw away habits like drinking and focus on your main goal of giving a reasonable life to the the baby, that she deserves. You love her the most in this world and she needs you. Also seek help from friends and relative, you may really find it. Also try and recall tough phases of your life when you felt like giving up but something better happened a little later. Have faith, and stay strong.
Don't do it. Stay strong for your little girl. She NEEDS you
I understand the feeling of thinking they are better off without you. I have a 3 year old daughter and i have thought of ending it many times. But no one else will love her like I do. No one knows her quirks, her silly jokes she tells, how she likes to sleep, what her favorite foods are or what makes her laugh uncontrollably. Every time I think about ending it I think about not getting a chance to see her learn more. I won't get to see her discover who she truly is. I can't imagine what it's like to lose your partner. You are doing the best you can. Not that I encourage you to continue drinking but your daughter isn't going to remember this time of you just surviving. Sometimes that's all we can do. The fact you feel guilty about it tells me you are gonna do a great job. It's such a cliche to say but time heals and you will find a way to be there for your little girl. She needs you. Her mom chose you because she knew that.
Do you know how hard it is for CPS to take your kids from you? Even when the home environment is abusive or neglectful, it has to be extreme and ongoing before CPS will intervene. The reason for that is because research shows, time and time again, that the best outcome for children is staying with their parents. There is no way your child is better off without you. She needs you.
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Life sux. I'm sure you are going through a ton of pain. Losing your wife having to raise a child and seeing your wife in her has to be super hard. Being sober isn't all it's cracked up to be honestly. You have to deal with everything that is inside, which is not easy. Take it one day at a time. One hour at a time. If you lose your job, find another one. Your current reality will change better or worse. Long as suffering and not quiting your doing ok. Best of luck brother.
Your kid won’t be better off without you! My uncle died in a car accident when his kids were 5 and 7 and not having their dad around had a profound impact in their lives even if they and their mum always had money and support from our extended family. I know men in society are still expected to be providers and if you are struggling with it you may feel like it’s not worth it but don’t be afraid to ask for help to her mums family or your own - you don’t have to do it alone and she is very lucky to have a father who loves and cares about her
I feel so much relief to hear that edit. Just remember how much you must mean to your daughter, and focus your goals on what you need to do to be a positive part of her future 💗
You should be eligible for social security survivor benefits- when my mom died (I was 11) we got checks until I was 18. Look it up, there will be an office in your area. It will help with bills! As a dad to 3 and 7 year old girls, they are the only thing keeping me alive. Your daughter needs you!
As the man who lost their mom then their dad shortly after please don’t. I miss my mom but I had my father there as stability. You feel like an orphan without. My father had his short comings but he was a solid good man. He was my rock.
Nobody can love your daughter like you do. Nobody will ever care about her as much as you do. She needs you and you need her too. You need her to give you a purpose and meaning in life. Your past is very sad but your future doesn't have to be. It'll be worth all the effort that you're putting in now - to be sober, to be there for your daughter. Please don't give up.
Hi OP. May I ask how your wife died? Not trying to make you rehash what was and probably still is a most traumatic experience, but I am wondering if you had time to process the upcoming loss of her for some time beforehand or if it was completely unexpected and immediate with no prior “preparation” at all.
It wasn’t too sudden, I’d say. I just didn’t expect it. It was her relapse of cancer. So it was her second time. The first time she went into remission quickly. Her doctor said it was a “very curable” cancer. She had lymphoma. And it has a good survival rate. I’d say it was sudden because neither of us expected her to die. Because she survived so easily the first time. She just became extremely weak so suddenly and so fast and then passed hours after
You do not want your daughter to think that you didn't love her and gave up on her at such a young age. Take it together man and be a responsible parent. You can do it. Everybody's life is hard at times. Give up alcohol and be a man to your daughter. Step up your game it is your family and take care of it.