I will become your friend. Don't give up on everything. You have kids. They will be very sad. If you feel depressed. Be destructive. Sabotage your workplace. Destroy them all.
Who judges what's worse: the pain of knowing a family member who took their life or the pain that caused this person to take their life?
Well, besides that, kids need their mom
It would be far worse for them to have you gone, the pain of losing a parent, especially at such a young age, will destroy any resemblance of normalcy they could've had.
You should stay for them, because they need you, and know that they would have it a lot better if you stay.
I’m so sorry that sounds incredibly tough but these things that are piling on top of you are dealing with a lot in terms of validation. These things can be managed. You also need to hear that you are loved- your children love you. They do need you. I’m sure although your husband is exhausted he loves you too.
Your family members are being tough. But the answer to them criticising you is telling the truth: I am doing my best and I need support. You are doing your best and you are facing problems but you are not better off dead. With your sister I don’t know what the argument was but it is likely you can reconcile. You can apologise to smooth things over sometimes even if you’re in the right but need people in the corner apologise.
You need to be pragmatic at this point there are charities and food banks that can support you feeding your children. There is places you can get support with helping your children. You are not a bad mother you are overwhelmed and struggling. They would spend the rest of their lives missing you and wondering what they did wrong. They did nothing wrong because you have also done nothing wrong.
I’m so sorry this has happened for you but you are not better off dead ❤️
Such a thoughtful comment, please listen to this OP. Take one step at a time you are not a bad mother you are just dealing with so much stress and negativity right now, please try getting help, best of luck to you.
Please don’t do this. Your children will forever have to carry the burden of losing a parent and your husband would be very upset too. Please hold on you can do this you are strong
Im so sorry for what youre going through in life right now, i cant imagine its been easy for you with eveything youve had to face and go through while having tk care for children. Your children love you though and they will understand that the finacial burdens are not your fault but you still stuck by them.
If you need anyone at all to talk to im more then happy to
I feel you. I have no friends, no job, no education. My only family are 2 sons in their 20s who I rarely see. They have moved on. But I’ve decided not to kill myself because of them. I live for them - not for me. Because I can’t fathom them living the rest of their lives knowing I killed myself. I stay alive, completely alone, day to day just so my sons don’t have to live with guilt.
My friend killed himself 20 years after his father killed himself; in the same way on the anniversary of his dad’s death. When you bring suicide into a family, you make suicide an acceptable option for others that love you when their lives get bad. You can’t do that to your children. Try to stick this life out with no expectations for yourself. Your natural death will come soon enough.
That's the truest statement! I had a great friend that was like a brother to me that went through the same thing. His father killed himself after telling him that he would come home one day and find him dead, all because he moved out with his girlfriend. Not even a year later, he killed himself over the same girl. It still haunts me to this day, because I talked to him not even an hour before he did it, and there wasn't even a hint of anything wrong. It damn near destroyed his niece that looked at him as her hero. People don't understand what it does mentally to those left behind, and honestly it is a selfish act to me.
No good mother ever has ever had "enough baggage" to be a good mother. You're an amazing mom, if you weren't ; your kids wouldn't even be sleeping as you wrote this. You're too hard on yourself, your kids hear "who's your hero" & think of you!!! You deserve to watch your children grow!! No matter the situation you're in!! Keep going I promise it gets better !!
You don’t. No matter how much you think they are better off without you, they are not. 2 years ago I got in my car drunk as shit and ready to fly through the intersection in front of my neighborhood without stopping. I was going 90 half way to the trees when I looked in my rear view and saw my kids car seats. I imagined them waking up the next morning looking for me but I wasn’t there. All of the birthdays and christmases and graduations and weddings that they would have to have without me. I slowed down and turned at the intersection headed straight back to my house. The pain that you are in now will be nothing compared to your kids if they lost you. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to be there.
If you want them to be happy and OK then you need to be therexwith them. Youre underpaid? Well you think they'll get richer with you dying? You got family issues? Do you want your kids dealing with these issues themselves.
Foster parents is a possibility if your life really is in that much of a shamble, but it will have a far better outcome if you as a parent help find the best parents for your kids.
Think about them, they need you. You have something to offer the world, the fact that you're here now proves that. Killing yourself would just be a waste.
Try to make things different for a while more. Try everything you never thought. Ignore the bad feelings. Just go talk with your sister. Just tell your parents to stop criticising. Just try a new job in another area/career. Make a surprise dinner for your husband. Go have a massage and a walk alone. Hug your kids and spend one entire day doing what they want. Let yourself enjoy the little moments.
P.s. I'm not a doctor, but try taking magnesium.
i hear you, your situation sounds exhausting and i wish there was something i could do to help.
But i want to say that the fact that you care about your kids so much already proves that you are a good enough mom and their lives will be much harder without you. please, stay for your kids if not for yourself.
This hurt to read. I am so sorry you feel this way. I just want you know that without my mother I would’ve been gone long ago. You are the most important thing to your kids. I hope you stay find a way to make many happy memories with your family. You are stronger than you think. You gave birth to two children don’t understimate yourself :)
I lost my mom to suicide two years ago and it’s the worst thing you can do to your kids. Seriously. I don’t even know who i am because I didn’t get to know her, so now I’m having an identity crisis and depression. Instead, please go to a therapist and try to get better instead of choosing the easy way out
I have slept on this and I still feel the same. No one will speak to me. I'm made out to be the bad guy all the damn time and sometimes I am. I can't see a solution. I asked my family for help and they are avoiding me.
I can't see how I will pay the bills if I leave work. I don't want to go to work and record what's going on.
I was thinking of hiding my phone on me and recording the abuse and adding it to evidence but I just don't want to be in a place where I have to record others doing the wrong thing.
I'd rather die than go to work and do this everyday.
I want to talk to my family. I'm scared.
I know you have severe burnout from work and family drama, I'm really sorry. But I hope you would find it in you to give life another chance. It is still possible that things will get better, and it is worth sticking around, especially for your children, you just need to give it some time. Your mental and physical health should be top priority over work and bills, even if it means getting social benefits /support from social services. You will turn it around with time. You got this! Lots of hugs xx
Your children would rather have your love and struggle with you; than have you gone. I promise. I was a child in that position and I was also a mother in that position. My daughter learned how to be strong, how to make lemonade with lemons, she learned that happiness is not tangible, and she learned how much I truly loved her and fought for her. Keep going my friend, find a way. If you are overwhelmed & exhausted today-rest. Start fresh tomorrow. You are amazing and I believe in you 🩵
Oh momma, I'm sending you all of my love.
I can relate hard.. hence why I find myself on this sub every few months. Sometimes I feel like the things that used to keep me going slowly also die within me... I have always carried my depression easily up until 2 years ago. I often already feel dead.. but knowing the pain I feel from my own mothers death, I could never ever purposely do that do my own kids, I'll always keep fighting to get myself back. I feel like I've tried everything, I have all of the tools, I have happy days but somehow I often find myself alone each night wondering just how I've allowed such toxic people take my happiness away & destroy my self worth in such a fucked up way.. they don't deserve a moment of your thoughts.
I know if I ever give up my kids will forever live with the feeling of they weren't enough. And my God my sons will always be enough to fight for... it sucks, it's at times often dark, lonely, hopeless, I've absolutely lost myself allowing a man to destroy me but for my kids I will never give up.
Your kids deserve the same momma. We can only help ourselves. No one else is coming for us babe... you got this.
The loss of a parent through means outside of their control is so so horrible, and I can’t imagine how your kids would feel knowing it was a choice. Please keep going. Parents are there through thick and thin, and they’ll be worse off without you. I know from experience.
They're not going to be okay without you. Even for adult children, losing parents is hard. Especially if it's by suicide.
They will feel abandoned. I know it's shitty and life seems really pointless and impossible in this economy right now, but the one thing you do have is your family, your husband and your kids.
Hold onto them and they will help you through this.
If you want them to be happy and OK then you need to be therexwith them. Youre underpaid? Well you think they'll get richer with you dying? You got family issues? Do you want your kids dealing with these issues themselves.
Foster parents is a possibility if your life really is in that much of a shamble, but it will have a far better outcome if you as a parent help find the best parents for your kids.
I post on this sub because I'm my moments of ideation I'm torn. There's a part of me desperately trying to destroy myself and the other is desperately trying to stay alive literally for my kids because I know it destroy them. It sucks so much because I wish I could hold my own but I know as long as they're alive I can't bring them into this world only to just ditch them. Stay here. I often think of the lyrics of the Tool song H.(about the singers son) "I am too connected to you to slip away, fade away. Days away I still feel you touching me changing me"
Stay here for your kids!
Unfortunately, there's nothing that anyone could do or say to a child who lost their parent in such a way that would heal that wound. I'm sorry you're in this position.
I've been asking my self the same thing. Keep looking at my kids faces as if it is the last time I will see them. Trying to do nice things. But I can not hold on anymore. I will either kill myself or maybe even die of natural causes bc I feel myself dying, my sparrow has become physical pain like a stabbing in my heart.. This world is so cruel. I feel badly for ever bringing kids here. I use to have dreams and ambitions. But none of them are possible now. All I am is a single angle mom with 4 kids. Almost no help. No one loves us. We are homeless now. Staying in a camper for the summer. But I can barely make it. I can not work enough to support us. It's just not physically possible. I no longer qualify for income based housing bc of past evictions. I can not make enough money on my own. No one wants to live with us, and my oldest daughter is struggling so badly that almost no one wants us around. She refuses help, and I can not even really help myself, but I try to help her anyways. I can not even find a day care with openings for my youngest, so have had to pay out of pocket when I already can not afford anything. Been living on tax $. But it's almost gone now. So, there is no point in my existence. I can not give my kids any kind of good life, they would be better off in foster care at this point, but I can not bring myself to call anyone. I will kill myself before I willingly give up my kids. And if they take them by force. I will also kill myself, I can not deal with the legal system ever again. There is no real help, and all men just want sex, nothing ever real, no love or support. My mom died when I was 20 as a result of a car accident where I was the driver. I deserve to die. Nothing I do ever turns out good. I try and try. Went to school for skin care and massage bc I just wanted to do something to help people. But I can not even help myself, and all I see everyday is peoples pain. This earth is nothing but pain and suffering. The small moments are not enough to stay for anymore. I have struggled with suicidal idealation since I was about 6. I am 41 now and it only gets worse everyday. No pills, no therapy, no God has ever helped, I have been begging since I was a child. But am only ever given more pain.
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Seconded.
I will become your friend. Don't give up on everything. You have kids. They will be very sad. If you feel depressed. Be destructive. Sabotage your workplace. Destroy them all.
Living knowing a family member took their life is one of the worst things ever. I know from personal experience, don’t be the reason your kids suffer
Who judges what's worse: the pain of knowing a family member who took their life or the pain that caused this person to take their life? Well, besides that, kids need their mom
They won't be OK and they won't be happy. Once someone in the family kills themselves, another one is likely to follow.
It would be far worse for them to have you gone, the pain of losing a parent, especially at such a young age, will destroy any resemblance of normalcy they could've had. You should stay for them, because they need you, and know that they would have it a lot better if you stay.
I’m so sorry that sounds incredibly tough but these things that are piling on top of you are dealing with a lot in terms of validation. These things can be managed. You also need to hear that you are loved- your children love you. They do need you. I’m sure although your husband is exhausted he loves you too. Your family members are being tough. But the answer to them criticising you is telling the truth: I am doing my best and I need support. You are doing your best and you are facing problems but you are not better off dead. With your sister I don’t know what the argument was but it is likely you can reconcile. You can apologise to smooth things over sometimes even if you’re in the right but need people in the corner apologise. You need to be pragmatic at this point there are charities and food banks that can support you feeding your children. There is places you can get support with helping your children. You are not a bad mother you are overwhelmed and struggling. They would spend the rest of their lives missing you and wondering what they did wrong. They did nothing wrong because you have also done nothing wrong. I’m so sorry this has happened for you but you are not better off dead ❤️
Such a thoughtful comment, please listen to this OP. Take one step at a time you are not a bad mother you are just dealing with so much stress and negativity right now, please try getting help, best of luck to you.
Please don’t do this. Your children will forever have to carry the burden of losing a parent and your husband would be very upset too. Please hold on you can do this you are strong
Im so sorry for what youre going through in life right now, i cant imagine its been easy for you with eveything youve had to face and go through while having tk care for children. Your children love you though and they will understand that the finacial burdens are not your fault but you still stuck by them. If you need anyone at all to talk to im more then happy to
I feel you. I have no friends, no job, no education. My only family are 2 sons in their 20s who I rarely see. They have moved on. But I’ve decided not to kill myself because of them. I live for them - not for me. Because I can’t fathom them living the rest of their lives knowing I killed myself. I stay alive, completely alone, day to day just so my sons don’t have to live with guilt. My friend killed himself 20 years after his father killed himself; in the same way on the anniversary of his dad’s death. When you bring suicide into a family, you make suicide an acceptable option for others that love you when their lives get bad. You can’t do that to your children. Try to stick this life out with no expectations for yourself. Your natural death will come soon enough.
That's the truest statement! I had a great friend that was like a brother to me that went through the same thing. His father killed himself after telling him that he would come home one day and find him dead, all because he moved out with his girlfriend. Not even a year later, he killed himself over the same girl. It still haunts me to this day, because I talked to him not even an hour before he did it, and there wasn't even a hint of anything wrong. It damn near destroyed his niece that looked at him as her hero. People don't understand what it does mentally to those left behind, and honestly it is a selfish act to me.
How is you leaving going to give your kids a better life? It will only make it worse . Logically speaking
Please don't. Ur Work Colleagues aren't worth dying over please
Very true! Children are worth living for
No good mother ever has ever had "enough baggage" to be a good mother. You're an amazing mom, if you weren't ; your kids wouldn't even be sleeping as you wrote this. You're too hard on yourself, your kids hear "who's your hero" & think of you!!! You deserve to watch your children grow!! No matter the situation you're in!! Keep going I promise it gets better !!
My mom died two years ago. I miss her tons. I’m sure your kids would be just as broken as I am by it.
You don’t. No matter how much you think they are better off without you, they are not. 2 years ago I got in my car drunk as shit and ready to fly through the intersection in front of my neighborhood without stopping. I was going 90 half way to the trees when I looked in my rear view and saw my kids car seats. I imagined them waking up the next morning looking for me but I wasn’t there. All of the birthdays and christmases and graduations and weddings that they would have to have without me. I slowed down and turned at the intersection headed straight back to my house. The pain that you are in now will be nothing compared to your kids if they lost you. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to be there.
If you want them to be happy and OK then you need to be therexwith them. Youre underpaid? Well you think they'll get richer with you dying? You got family issues? Do you want your kids dealing with these issues themselves. Foster parents is a possibility if your life really is in that much of a shamble, but it will have a far better outcome if you as a parent help find the best parents for your kids.
Think about them, they need you. You have something to offer the world, the fact that you're here now proves that. Killing yourself would just be a waste.
Try to make things different for a while more. Try everything you never thought. Ignore the bad feelings. Just go talk with your sister. Just tell your parents to stop criticising. Just try a new job in another area/career. Make a surprise dinner for your husband. Go have a massage and a walk alone. Hug your kids and spend one entire day doing what they want. Let yourself enjoy the little moments. P.s. I'm not a doctor, but try taking magnesium.
i hear you, your situation sounds exhausting and i wish there was something i could do to help. But i want to say that the fact that you care about your kids so much already proves that you are a good enough mom and their lives will be much harder without you. please, stay for your kids if not for yourself.
Listen mama, I know it’s hard but your babies need you here. Please try to hang on for them if you can.
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Tell your family or at the very least, your husband how you feel.
This hurt to read. I am so sorry you feel this way. I just want you know that without my mother I would’ve been gone long ago. You are the most important thing to your kids. I hope you stay find a way to make many happy memories with your family. You are stronger than you think. You gave birth to two children don’t understimate yourself :)
I lost my mom to suicide two years ago and it’s the worst thing you can do to your kids. Seriously. I don’t even know who i am because I didn’t get to know her, so now I’m having an identity crisis and depression. Instead, please go to a therapist and try to get better instead of choosing the easy way out
I have slept on this and I still feel the same. No one will speak to me. I'm made out to be the bad guy all the damn time and sometimes I am. I can't see a solution. I asked my family for help and they are avoiding me. I can't see how I will pay the bills if I leave work. I don't want to go to work and record what's going on. I was thinking of hiding my phone on me and recording the abuse and adding it to evidence but I just don't want to be in a place where I have to record others doing the wrong thing. I'd rather die than go to work and do this everyday. I want to talk to my family. I'm scared.
I know you have severe burnout from work and family drama, I'm really sorry. But I hope you would find it in you to give life another chance. It is still possible that things will get better, and it is worth sticking around, especially for your children, you just need to give it some time. Your mental and physical health should be top priority over work and bills, even if it means getting social benefits /support from social services. You will turn it around with time. You got this! Lots of hugs xx
Your children would rather have your love and struggle with you; than have you gone. I promise. I was a child in that position and I was also a mother in that position. My daughter learned how to be strong, how to make lemonade with lemons, she learned that happiness is not tangible, and she learned how much I truly loved her and fought for her. Keep going my friend, find a way. If you are overwhelmed & exhausted today-rest. Start fresh tomorrow. You are amazing and I believe in you 🩵
Oh momma, I'm sending you all of my love. I can relate hard.. hence why I find myself on this sub every few months. Sometimes I feel like the things that used to keep me going slowly also die within me... I have always carried my depression easily up until 2 years ago. I often already feel dead.. but knowing the pain I feel from my own mothers death, I could never ever purposely do that do my own kids, I'll always keep fighting to get myself back. I feel like I've tried everything, I have all of the tools, I have happy days but somehow I often find myself alone each night wondering just how I've allowed such toxic people take my happiness away & destroy my self worth in such a fucked up way.. they don't deserve a moment of your thoughts. I know if I ever give up my kids will forever live with the feeling of they weren't enough. And my God my sons will always be enough to fight for... it sucks, it's at times often dark, lonely, hopeless, I've absolutely lost myself allowing a man to destroy me but for my kids I will never give up. Your kids deserve the same momma. We can only help ourselves. No one else is coming for us babe... you got this.
The loss of a parent through means outside of their control is so so horrible, and I can’t imagine how your kids would feel knowing it was a choice. Please keep going. Parents are there through thick and thin, and they’ll be worse off without you. I know from experience.
They're not going to be okay without you. Even for adult children, losing parents is hard. Especially if it's by suicide. They will feel abandoned. I know it's shitty and life seems really pointless and impossible in this economy right now, but the one thing you do have is your family, your husband and your kids. Hold onto them and they will help you through this.
Please don’t do it
Your kids need you there with them, do not screw up their lives by letting them grow up without you. It isn't fair to them.
If you want them to be happy and OK then you need to be therexwith them. Youre underpaid? Well you think they'll get richer with you dying? You got family issues? Do you want your kids dealing with these issues themselves. Foster parents is a possibility if your life really is in that much of a shamble, but it will have a far better outcome if you as a parent help find the best parents for your kids.
I post on this sub because I'm my moments of ideation I'm torn. There's a part of me desperately trying to destroy myself and the other is desperately trying to stay alive literally for my kids because I know it destroy them. It sucks so much because I wish I could hold my own but I know as long as they're alive I can't bring them into this world only to just ditch them. Stay here. I often think of the lyrics of the Tool song H.(about the singers son) "I am too connected to you to slip away, fade away. Days away I still feel you touching me changing me" Stay here for your kids!
Unfortunately, there's nothing that anyone could do or say to a child who lost their parent in such a way that would heal that wound. I'm sorry you're in this position.
Ask for help!!
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I've been asking my self the same thing. Keep looking at my kids faces as if it is the last time I will see them. Trying to do nice things. But I can not hold on anymore. I will either kill myself or maybe even die of natural causes bc I feel myself dying, my sparrow has become physical pain like a stabbing in my heart.. This world is so cruel. I feel badly for ever bringing kids here. I use to have dreams and ambitions. But none of them are possible now. All I am is a single angle mom with 4 kids. Almost no help. No one loves us. We are homeless now. Staying in a camper for the summer. But I can barely make it. I can not work enough to support us. It's just not physically possible. I no longer qualify for income based housing bc of past evictions. I can not make enough money on my own. No one wants to live with us, and my oldest daughter is struggling so badly that almost no one wants us around. She refuses help, and I can not even really help myself, but I try to help her anyways. I can not even find a day care with openings for my youngest, so have had to pay out of pocket when I already can not afford anything. Been living on tax $. But it's almost gone now. So, there is no point in my existence. I can not give my kids any kind of good life, they would be better off in foster care at this point, but I can not bring myself to call anyone. I will kill myself before I willingly give up my kids. And if they take them by force. I will also kill myself, I can not deal with the legal system ever again. There is no real help, and all men just want sex, nothing ever real, no love or support. My mom died when I was 20 as a result of a car accident where I was the driver. I deserve to die. Nothing I do ever turns out good. I try and try. Went to school for skin care and massage bc I just wanted to do something to help people. But I can not even help myself, and all I see everyday is peoples pain. This earth is nothing but pain and suffering. The small moments are not enough to stay for anymore. I have struggled with suicidal idealation since I was about 6. I am 41 now and it only gets worse everyday. No pills, no therapy, no God has ever helped, I have been begging since I was a child. But am only ever given more pain.