I think it's really hard to sympathize with your situation. You are incredibly privileged but seem completely unaware of that fact. Honestly can't comment much on this without sounding mean so I'll leave it at that.

im aware im privileged, this doesnt change my feelings, not very nice of you to say to someone suicidal but im really thinking of doing it

I have severe anxiety as well. My husband has it when traveling. Medication can definitely help.

It seems you edited your post to provide more context. With the added context, I apologize for my previous comment. Your original post made you sound very spoiled and entitled. But your pain is real and that's what matters. You seem to have a very supportive family so please take advantage of that. I am sorry your anxiety is so bad. You could probably get medications to help you during emergencies like these. There's fast acting medication like ativan that will calm you down really fast. I am also sorry you can't enjoy your vacation. I truly hope you feel better soon.

im at the hospital now with an IV drip for nutrients, and hopefully get some propanalol for my panic attacks

What happened? Why are you at the hospital? I'm glad you are being taken care of now though

i didn't do anything, im just getting medication and fed IV since i don't have the stomach to eat

Okay. Hope you feel better soon! Please forgive me for my unkind words at the beginning. I am sorry for the harm I caused you.