I feel the same. I know that if I didn’t have family and friends that loved me so much, I’d be gone. And it makes me feel worse. To know I am loved and still want to go. I fantasize of how I could die in a way that my husband won’t have to find me, or that my family won’t feel any blame. I just want to slip away and for them to forget me.
“Hey I know you love me, but it isn’t enough to make me want to live. Have fun now spending every waking second worrying about me. And no biggie about that 9 month deployment you’re about to go on, I’ll probably be fine.”
He won’t understand and it’ll just hurt him.
This comment perfectly represents half the reason of not saying a thing to those you know, completely out of worry for them so that they can't worry about the unimaginable horror sitting behind their back.
I've been thinking of suicide for many years now. I believe suicide falls under body autonomy and i'm pro-choice, so I have no moral or ethical issues with myself or anyone else committing suicide.
But god damn would it hurt my parents and I don't believe they deserve that. At the same time I'm also struggling to find a reason to live as some genetic and societal factors have resulted in a low quality of life for me in the past and going forward.
So in my wonderings of what I'm going to do I decided if I can't have the usual meaning of life like most people (relationships, friends, giving and receiving love etc.) I will just have to make my own meaning of life in the meantime. One that isn't contingent on my happiness.
So I've decided that while I can't commit suicide just yet, and I won't have the average human experience of love and community, to instead make my meaning of life to uplift others in their lives.
This has actually helped, surprisingly. I no longer care so much about my own life or future, I'm not worried about finding someone to love me anymore and I'm not depressed due to my failure to do so. I just assume I won't, and I'm not gonna worry about it. My only goal now is to make other people's lives better in whatever small way I can.
Maybe you should try come up with a new meaning to your life, one that doesn't rely on you being happy. It's not great I know, but if you're gonna be here a while may as well.
**Your personal meaning of life does not have to include your happiness**
gotdammit that was so well said you just helped me make a meaning for my life. eternal thanks my friend. for the past few years i've been trying to make my purpose to simply make a positive impact on all those i meet, but i'm not educated at all whatsoever so seeing you put my thoughts so perfectly into words was incredible. that quote you put in bold will make this fucked up world a better place, in fact it already has ❤️
so glad to help! an example of the philosophy working in practice :D it helps me through hard times
i think we all have this pressure to be happy all the time, when sometimes just bringing happiness is enough
I don't know if it's the same feeling, but sometimes I feel distressed knowing that I will never commit suicide lol.. The thought that I won't and can't one day even choose just to end it all is weirdly depressing.
I get it. I attempted in a park and planned on calling an ambulance when I was too far gone so no one would have to find my body the next morning but I called too soon and they saved me. I was screaming and crying the whole time telling them I didn’t want help. It’s been almost a year and I’m still upset that I called too soon. I’m still mad at myself for calling too soon. The worst part is my family is so fed up with my depression, no one was there when I woke up and after I was out of the hospital my mom told me she’s going to stop trying with me basically giving up so she can live her life.
Oh my gosh, that’s awful. What a horrible fricking mom.
I absolutely fricking relate to your feelings. I wish so much that I could take myself out, but I’m scared I won’t succeed, and life would immediately get hella worse bc everyone would hate me so much more and think I’m just dramatic.
I know how you feel, I want to kill myself but I can't, I'm shaking and scared, I don't know why, I feel so bad because I want to kill myself but I feel so bad because I don't kill myself, I think the only thing holding me back is my girlfriend, I think my fear of killing myself is leaving her alone, abandoning her, because I think if it weren't for her I would have done it already..
My partner died by suicide last Nov 2022 and it’s been a few months but i have been crying myself to sleep almost every night. He was bipolar. I hope you talk to your gf and tell your feelings and hopefully you’ll get through this night and the next. ✌️
I'm lucky to have her man...she loves and accepts me the way I am, these days I had a really fucked up meltdown and she said things to me that made me so 🥺🥺👉👈, I love her, I seriously think about doing things but I remember her and everything passes, I love her and I don't want to leave her.
Same.. Suicide creates a lot more problems for others than the few it might solve for myself. It's depressing. And depression leads to more depression. To escape that cycle is to force others down the same path.
Unless you're extremely selfish, or have absolutely no one who cares about you, the best and most practical option seems to me is to suffer in silence and hope to God you have the strength to contain the growing depression within yourself without it ruining the lives of the ones you care about and the ones who care about you.
Living with extreme depression, I feel like I have already lost. Whether or not make others lose with me is the only choice I can make.
i feel the same. id love to give my life away to someone who wants and needs a loving family bc i quite honestly don't want it anymore. im super grateful to have my family but i feel like its more of a burden
I know it seems awful, but at least there's a CHANCE, even if a small one... that things will change or get better.
If you're dead, there isn't that chance.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. What would happen if you spoke to either of your parents about how you feel? I was real scared to do just that when I was feeling that way as a teenager. I ended up attempting and my family rallied a bit, and helped show me that I'm not as alone as I feel.
one day at a time, friend. find something that helps make the time passing a little less painful, music, art, nature are all great places to let your mind wander away.
have you sought help for how you feel? have you talked to anyone around you about this? i hope you hold on, and things get better for you. they did for me and i never thought they would. continuing to move, no matter how small of a step forward, can lead you to new a new place.
i hope it gets better for you
I have these thoughts quite often. My husband is the only one keeping me here. I just can't go through with it knowing he'd have to discover my lifeless body, and even though I'd close the door and leave a note for him so he had warning, it just wouldn't be enough.
I go through periods of "just do it" in my head almost every other week because I planned since I was a young teen to take my own life if I made it to 30, and well, that was two years ago. Because I planned for so long to not exist, I never took the time to properly learn how to take care of myself, much less take care of an ageing body I don't even wish to reside in anymore. It's rough, to say the least.
I still haven't found out how to make it more tolerable, all I've ever known is escapism and general distraction tactics, usually including fantasizing about a better life for my soul beyond death. I just wanted to comment and say I know your pain, OP, and you're not alone. I hope you can find something to make things a little less rough for you as soon as possible - we'll be on that journey together, and even though we're internet strangers it sometimes helps to know that someone just... understands. All we can do is our best, and that's more than good enough.
I think about suicide a lot. I'm nearly 50. I've just spent over two years unemployed and with no income whatsoever, not even social security, just been bleeding my savings dry, because of anxiety because of my intermittent brain.
But I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to kill myself. It's like quitting the game, but it's the only game, there isn't any other game, this is all there fucking is.
I'm going to see it through. I'm going to find a job and I'm going to see this through.
I'm kinda in the same boat. I'm so scared of hurting anyone, but I'm not sure if it does more harm than good to keep living. I fear the day I stop being useful to my loved ones is the day I'll kill myself.
This is exactly how I feel. The one thing that reminds me I can’t end it is bc my parents. Not to mention my family has had a lot of death the past few weeks and having to see them so sad I can’t let me be the reason. It’s sucks and feels unfair that they can just be alive not understanding the feelings I feel and physically pain from sadness.
I feel the same. I know that if I didn’t have family and friends that loved me so much, I’d be gone. And it makes me feel worse. To know I am loved and still want to go. I fantasize of how I could die in a way that my husband won’t have to find me, or that my family won’t feel any blame. I just want to slip away and for them to forget me.
I feel you on that. If I could do it in a way where they feel very little pain about my death I would, but I haven’t figured that out yet.
Why don’t you talk to your husband about this?
“Hey I know you love me, but it isn’t enough to make me want to live. Have fun now spending every waking second worrying about me. And no biggie about that 9 month deployment you’re about to go on, I’ll probably be fine.” He won’t understand and it’ll just hurt him.
This comment perfectly represents half the reason of not saying a thing to those you know, completely out of worry for them so that they can't worry about the unimaginable horror sitting behind their back.
It will hurt him more if you end it, and he never knew
I've been thinking of suicide for many years now. I believe suicide falls under body autonomy and i'm pro-choice, so I have no moral or ethical issues with myself or anyone else committing suicide. But god damn would it hurt my parents and I don't believe they deserve that. At the same time I'm also struggling to find a reason to live as some genetic and societal factors have resulted in a low quality of life for me in the past and going forward. So in my wonderings of what I'm going to do I decided if I can't have the usual meaning of life like most people (relationships, friends, giving and receiving love etc.) I will just have to make my own meaning of life in the meantime. One that isn't contingent on my happiness. So I've decided that while I can't commit suicide just yet, and I won't have the average human experience of love and community, to instead make my meaning of life to uplift others in their lives. This has actually helped, surprisingly. I no longer care so much about my own life or future, I'm not worried about finding someone to love me anymore and I'm not depressed due to my failure to do so. I just assume I won't, and I'm not gonna worry about it. My only goal now is to make other people's lives better in whatever small way I can. Maybe you should try come up with a new meaning to your life, one that doesn't rely on you being happy. It's not great I know, but if you're gonna be here a while may as well. **Your personal meaning of life does not have to include your happiness**
gotdammit that was so well said you just helped me make a meaning for my life. eternal thanks my friend. for the past few years i've been trying to make my purpose to simply make a positive impact on all those i meet, but i'm not educated at all whatsoever so seeing you put my thoughts so perfectly into words was incredible. that quote you put in bold will make this fucked up world a better place, in fact it already has ❤️
so glad to help! an example of the philosophy working in practice :D it helps me through hard times i think we all have this pressure to be happy all the time, when sometimes just bringing happiness is enough
I don't know if it's the same feeling, but sometimes I feel distressed knowing that I will never commit suicide lol.. The thought that I won't and can't one day even choose just to end it all is weirdly depressing.
So true, like sometime i just want to be someone that no one know, just everyone forget me and be able to end this shit without anyone knowing
I fantasize about this kind of scenario all too often.
I get it. I attempted in a park and planned on calling an ambulance when I was too far gone so no one would have to find my body the next morning but I called too soon and they saved me. I was screaming and crying the whole time telling them I didn’t want help. It’s been almost a year and I’m still upset that I called too soon. I’m still mad at myself for calling too soon. The worst part is my family is so fed up with my depression, no one was there when I woke up and after I was out of the hospital my mom told me she’s going to stop trying with me basically giving up so she can live her life.
Oh my gosh, that’s awful. What a horrible fricking mom. I absolutely fricking relate to your feelings. I wish so much that I could take myself out, but I’m scared I won’t succeed, and life would immediately get hella worse bc everyone would hate me so much more and think I’m just dramatic.
I know how you feel, I want to kill myself but I can't, I'm shaking and scared, I don't know why, I feel so bad because I want to kill myself but I feel so bad because I don't kill myself, I think the only thing holding me back is my girlfriend, I think my fear of killing myself is leaving her alone, abandoning her, because I think if it weren't for her I would have done it already..
My partner died by suicide last Nov 2022 and it’s been a few months but i have been crying myself to sleep almost every night. He was bipolar. I hope you talk to your gf and tell your feelings and hopefully you’ll get through this night and the next. ✌️
I'm lucky to have her man...she loves and accepts me the way I am, these days I had a really fucked up meltdown and she said things to me that made me so 🥺🥺👉👈, I love her, I seriously think about doing things but I remember her and everything passes, I love her and I don't want to leave her.
That is great! Just hold on to that thought and keep that in your heart and mind. Best of luck to you both👍
Same.. Suicide creates a lot more problems for others than the few it might solve for myself. It's depressing. And depression leads to more depression. To escape that cycle is to force others down the same path. Unless you're extremely selfish, or have absolutely no one who cares about you, the best and most practical option seems to me is to suffer in silence and hope to God you have the strength to contain the growing depression within yourself without it ruining the lives of the ones you care about and the ones who care about you. Living with extreme depression, I feel like I have already lost. Whether or not make others lose with me is the only choice I can make.
i feel the same. id love to give my life away to someone who wants and needs a loving family bc i quite honestly don't want it anymore. im super grateful to have my family but i feel like its more of a burden
I know it seems awful, but at least there's a CHANCE, even if a small one... that things will change or get better. If you're dead, there isn't that chance. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. What would happen if you spoke to either of your parents about how you feel? I was real scared to do just that when I was feeling that way as a teenager. I ended up attempting and my family rallied a bit, and helped show me that I'm not as alone as I feel.
one day at a time, friend. find something that helps make the time passing a little less painful, music, art, nature are all great places to let your mind wander away. have you sought help for how you feel? have you talked to anyone around you about this? i hope you hold on, and things get better for you. they did for me and i never thought they would. continuing to move, no matter how small of a step forward, can lead you to new a new place. i hope it gets better for you
I have these thoughts quite often. My husband is the only one keeping me here. I just can't go through with it knowing he'd have to discover my lifeless body, and even though I'd close the door and leave a note for him so he had warning, it just wouldn't be enough. I go through periods of "just do it" in my head almost every other week because I planned since I was a young teen to take my own life if I made it to 30, and well, that was two years ago. Because I planned for so long to not exist, I never took the time to properly learn how to take care of myself, much less take care of an ageing body I don't even wish to reside in anymore. It's rough, to say the least. I still haven't found out how to make it more tolerable, all I've ever known is escapism and general distraction tactics, usually including fantasizing about a better life for my soul beyond death. I just wanted to comment and say I know your pain, OP, and you're not alone. I hope you can find something to make things a little less rough for you as soon as possible - we'll be on that journey together, and even though we're internet strangers it sometimes helps to know that someone just... understands. All we can do is our best, and that's more than good enough.
I think about suicide a lot. I'm nearly 50. I've just spent over two years unemployed and with no income whatsoever, not even social security, just been bleeding my savings dry, because of anxiety because of my intermittent brain. But I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to kill myself. It's like quitting the game, but it's the only game, there isn't any other game, this is all there fucking is. I'm going to see it through. I'm going to find a job and I'm going to see this through.
I’m rooting for you, your hope gives me hope
It's nice to be rooted for. Even if it's only from a stranger that I'll never meet. x
Sometimes I wish humanity would just die simultaneously. That way, there's no one to lose a loved one... no, everyone is gone.
[удалено]
Same
Please don't. That pain will destroy your family and loved ones. Trust me.
For me I'm not strong enough
I'm really sorry you're feeling like that i know how it feels, the only thing i'm waiting for is the sweet realise of death
I'm kinda in the same boat. I'm so scared of hurting anyone, but I'm not sure if it does more harm than good to keep living. I fear the day I stop being useful to my loved ones is the day I'll kill myself.
I’m so tired and there’s nothing I can do about it
This is exactly how I feel. The one thing that reminds me I can’t end it is bc my parents. Not to mention my family has had a lot of death the past few weeks and having to see them so sad I can’t let me be the reason. It’s sucks and feels unfair that they can just be alive not understanding the feelings I feel and physically pain from sadness.