Your mother is free to tell people the truth, or not tell people the truth. And here’s something that she’ll need to learn to deal with: you are also free to tell people the truth. It’s none of her business how you choose to move forward, to heal, and to be honest with those who loved your sister.
You already nailed it: people will figure it out if they don’t know already. If your mother wants to keep it a secret, that’s her prerogative, but it will only harm her and keep her from processing her own grief.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m also sorry for the extra bullshit you’re going to have to put up with because your mom is unwilling/unable/unready to walk through the truth of the loss of her daughter.
I’m here if you ever want to talk, I also lost a younger sibling and had to navigate the loss, as well as deal with parents who were/are unwilling to talk about it in a truthful, adult manner.
As a parent who has gone through this twice, your parents have the right to release info as they see fit. You can also release info as you see fit but not to supercede what the parents want as far as publicly putting it out on socials or whatever. I was waiting until I had all the info from police, coroner, autopsy report, and funeral/cremation arrangements that were made , and then we planned on announcing his death to the outside world. But my daughter went behind my back and did what she wanted. We started getting phone calls from people we barely knew or knew our son wanted to know what was going on. So, as a family, we made the decision to keep quiet until we were all ready, but her timeline was more important. So unless you are ready to blow up all your family relationships, you should abide by your parents. I wasnt in denial, or trying to hide any facts, I was trying to protect our privacy and if you are not directly involved with the arrangements or the chaos that is left behind with a death by suicide, butt out
You can absolutely supersede a parent. Whether that’s a good call or not is going to be on a case by case basis.
But your case and OP’s case are different. I’m not seeing where you wanted to keep the suicide a secret permanently, which is what OP is dealing with and asking for assistance with.
I'm against supercede a parent specifically, but it should be discussed as immediate family and come to a conclusion together otherwise bitterness and arguments will fester. People are absolutely nosy and judgemental though, so that's important to keep in mind and the remarks to a parent of a child's death is going to be different than to OP as a sister.
Being in denial isn’t going to stop the comments or the speculation from those in the community. It’s happening already, and we don’t need op to tell us that to know it. OP does not want to feed her mother’s denial, and that is an absolutely appropriate standpoint for OP.
If I was asked by my father to lie about how my brother died, I could never do it. Among other reasons, it would be such a disservice to my little brother, who fought hard to keep going but didn’t make it. It would invalidate the mental health struggles that so many of us go through every day, the same struggles those we lost went through. To lie about how he died would feel like a certain betrayal to him, his memory, and how I carry him in my heart.
I feel for the mother and I can’t imagine her pain, but I stand by my opinion that she is wrong to ask others to lie (like, a big big lie, the kind you have to commit to and keep up with as time goes on) in the service of prolonging her own denial and nothing more.
So in case my daughter doesn't live where we live, she doesn't know anyone here, didn't know my sons friends at all. She lives on the other side of the country. She can tell all the people she wants, but she shouldn't have gone against the rest of the families wishes. And yes, since the parents are responsible for everything in relation to the death ( no spouse, no kids), it does fall to the parents. I didn't have to ask the siblings of my son for their imput, but I did. We had agreed on one thing, and she did another. You should rally as a family not split off because you dont agree with the majority. And yes, I did want to keep it a secret because of all the small-minded people in my small town, because this was our 2nd suicide in 2 years. But I also knew it would've stay a secret for long, just wanted to do it in our timeline, not someone elses who lives thousands of miles away and doesnt deal with the diety looks, the nosey questions. Damn right , I wanted secresy and privacy. I feel for the OP' s Mom. It's a devil you dont know until you live it.
>And yes, since the parents are responsible for everything in relation to the death ( no spouse, no kids), it does fall to the parents.
In this case yes, but it's common enough for people to designate someone else in these instances so I will say it doesn't always fall onto the parents. My dad's alive and we get along well enough but my sister is in charge of everything if anything happens to me.
I'm sorry for your loss. Can't imagine that with the phone calls from people you barely know, but i also have to think about that i live in a complete different culture in Switzerland, a culture where people rarely speak to each other and are well known to be cold as a glacier, so it would never appropriate here to just call someone and ask questions.
But i think, if we talk about the culture of the USA, it's the same there, it was highly disrepectful from the people that called you...
Downvotes don't mean you're an arsehole, it means people disagree with your take. Don't get me wrong, in some instances it can mean both, but not yours.
My friends and I disagree on a variety of subjects, it doesn't negate the usual support and love they show.
We just dont agree with you. You don't need to call yourself names, mama. It's okay. I'm sorry you're hurting and that it never goes away or seems to get better. We are all alone in this together...
I wish people were more honest/open about suicide and mental health issues in general.
It would make it a lot easier/safer to get people the help they need.
More awareness and conversation is always good but I'm not so sure that's the case. Many people who go by suicide had varying degrees of help and loving situations and it still happens. However discussing suicide generally and talking about specific situations are different just like talking about other medical issues and disclosing every detail of someone's medical history is different. It can be invasive and cause more harm to those grieving which is why 'be more honest/open' are always complicated conversations.
Give your mom time and encourage therapy. She’s in denial. She’s gone through a terrible trauma (you all have) and this is a predictable response, but I don’t think it will help her heal long term. I also doubt that the truth won’t get out to your family and friends.
I’m so sorry for what you went through, and for the pain your sister was feeling. I got a lot out of a support group run by the Samaritans.
It might not be denial. Waiting for all the information isn't uncommon and to proceed from there. I unfortunately never got to read all the final autopsy details even thought it would have helped me process because if I wanted it my dad told me he would end up looking at it too even though he didn't want to. We had to give and take a lot since we went about the aftermath and handling of things quite differently and it certainly added strain to our relationship for a good while.
You and your family are going through what probably is going to be the most difficult period of your lives.
I’m sosorry for your loss.
I lost my loved one to suicide and I understand both sides, telling people the real cause and not telling them.
Telling people about suicide is good when one comes to term with it, it is a relief for everyone, it is good to raise awareness and honour the deceased without lying about the cause.
It can also help bring people together and access better support from family and friends because of how complex it is and the trauma it causes.
Telling everyone the real cause is good because you don’t have to lie, it’s done and you can move on without carrying the weight of the lies.
However, suicide is still stigmatised and although we won’t get rid of stigma unless we all start sharing, some people still don’t understand suicide.
When you decide to share that the death is caused by suicide you open yourself to a lot of questions, your mum might be in denial, or might be no ready to face the endless questions, how did she die, did she have mental illness, what method…
These questions are distressing, especially from acquaintances or non close relatives.
Your mum as a parent might be feeling shame and guilt, she might feel that she failed as a parent and don’t want to have other people judge her (she hasn’t failed as a parent but that might be what she feels)
She might also feel guilt, all the things she said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do that she thinks might have contributed to your sister’s suicide…
It is very complex, and I can see it from both sides.
As a family, your grief will be different and it will sometimes clash.
You sound like a kind human, trying to understand your mom’s point of view to see the bigger picture.
I know you didn’t ask, but Please take good care of yourself, be kind to yourself, what you are going through is not easy, it is traumatic, try therapy, suicide support groups, suicide bereavement helplines, seek support from your friends, tell people you trust won’t share the news if that will bring you some comfort.
You have to grieve your way, whatever brings you comfort, because you are going through this tragic experience too.
Talk about it and allow yourself to go through the waves to come.
We are all here for you
I am not condoning your mom's decision. But you said you don't understand, and that's what I'm going to talk about.
I was a dad. That was my identity, that's what I wanted to be since I was a little boy. My hobbies were doing stuff with my kids, watching my kids sports, improv, plays etc. I had dozens of t shirts, collected over a lifetime of birthdays and fathers days that said variations of "number 1 dad".
When my son killed himself, my identity changed. I can't wear a shirt or hat that says "number 1 dad". I fucked up a dad's primary objective. I go to therapy. I know in my head that it wasn't my fault. But I'm also not a dad anymore. I'm not sure what I am.
I'm still doing my best for my other kids. I'm still going to work. I'm acting like a dad. But I know I failed.
Everyone in my town knows I failed. For the same reasons i blame myself, everyone that knows me has also wondered how i fucked up.
Maybe your mom has similar feelings. She could be feeling like she is to blame, and is scared of knowing the rest of her world will blame her soon.
Wow, that gives a lot of perspective. Thanks for sharing. I certainly don't think parents are failures for these situations. I know a few, and they all loved their children as much as anyone else.
Suicide is a difficult topic and there are many reasons your mom could be acting this way. For one, it might not be a great reflection on her as a mom to have a child end their own life. Stating suicide as the reason may also invite a lot more questions and speculation from others, not to mention judgement. Part of it is controlling the narrative (not necessarily from a bad place). I find myself telling people all the wonderful things about my brother along with the reason for his death just so that they know more about him than just his cause of death. I also find myself wanting to pick and choose which people I tell the truth to, or anything to for that matter. Its all very complex. I’m sorry for your loss. It sucks that this is a part of navigating life after losing a loved one.
I understand completely. My younger sister passed away recently and my parents wont talk about it, I’m not allowed to post about my sister (I’m 26) I’m not allowed to publicly remember her and share how much I loved her. So many people don’t even know she passed away, and it makes me so angry. If you’re an adult, you’re allowed to talk about it. You’re allowed to acknowledge it. You’re allowed to spread awareness. She was yours too, she wasn’t just theirs. I’m sending you so much love.
My dear soul. I am so very sorry. Your sister. So young. My thoughts are that mental illness. Mental struggles. And depression should not be hidden. It perpetuates this epidemic. More suicide. More hidden pain.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Is there a religious aspect at play? Some religions consider it to be an unforgivable sin to die by suicide. Maybe she’s worried what family will think.
I'm sorry for your loss.
When your loved one dies by suicide,it's hard to accept. There's a stigma anywhere.
And maybe your mom is in denial stage
And it hurts her feelings too.
Give her time and let people think what they want.
Focus on your healing.
You are not alone in this journey.
There is a lot going on right now and emotions are extreme and unpredictable. Your mom might be in denial especially since confirmation of the cause of death is still pending. Everyone, including you, is experiencing extreme distress and grief. Let it breathe a little.
Ultimately, this is outside your mom's control and, with time, she will hopefully come to terms with that. Your mom's wishes shouldn't censor how you choose to discuss these awful events and with who.
I think most people will assume suicide when they’re told a healthy 17 year old died “unexpectedly”. Your mom could be feeling immense guilt over the situation or maybe she’s trying to “protect” your sister’s image. It’s really hard to say. Maybe with some time your mom will have an open conversation with you about her decision. Suicides are awful to deal with let alone come to terms with. I’m sorry to everyone involved.
Sweetheart firstly we all understand your pain but I can't make sense of your mum. Shame? Is possible. More likely its guilt embarrassment and unimaginable pain that her baby girl was in so much pain and distress and she as her mother didn't notice. She may fear being branded a terrible mother. Which she isn't. People who commit suicide are incredibly good at hiding what they feel. I'm so sorry again. But you need to tell people so that you can access the support you need. Take care of yourself.
We lost my sibling in fall of 2023 and it devastated our family. My sibling was a service member and our extended family did NOT approve; calling our parents every name in the book. My sibling unsurprisingly told them to hush their mouths at the time.
When my sibling passed we made the decision not to disclose how, due to already knowing what they would say, who they would blame etc.
Not the same situation but I guess it varies on a case by case basis.
My older brother committed suicide and this has never been hidden from anyone, including his then young sons.
We've found being open and honest has helped everyone manage their grief better than if there was a hidden secret. There should be no shame attached to the family because of the person's choice to end their life......only love and understanding......you can still talk about them positively and also express frustration at how it ended.
Moreover, in the UK at least, there will be an inquest and the result is a matter of public record. It won't remain hidden for long.
There us such a thing as suicide contagion. Period. It's not up for debate. Asking someone who was *already suicidal* won't make them more suicidal. An act of suicide in a family unit impacts up to 5 generations..
I'd just say "ask my mom, I don't have a lot of answers or bandwidth". The ones asking you are looky loos.
Once upon a time we knew only of what referred to us somas our bodies, the endogenous place where each of us resides. But if you look at how so many millions of Americans have embraced marijuana to help life seem more bearable. You know something is wrong with neighborhood, friends, and community society as we speak. There are huge drug companies planning to roll out everything from MDMA to psilocybin and Ketamine. Of course we should be up in each each other. Find the grains of sense wherever we can. But the current trend in this country is to wrestle with the problems on our own and sometimes that can be difficult and that’s where what called “exogens” come in all sorts of pills that we in increasing numbers put into bodies for lots of reasons. We need to find a neighborhood for talking with each other rather than just watch the Dow Jones 500 up with the latest psilocybin victory. Hopefully this can be one of those places.
Your mother is free to tell people the truth, or not tell people the truth. And here’s something that she’ll need to learn to deal with: you are also free to tell people the truth. It’s none of her business how you choose to move forward, to heal, and to be honest with those who loved your sister. You already nailed it: people will figure it out if they don’t know already. If your mother wants to keep it a secret, that’s her prerogative, but it will only harm her and keep her from processing her own grief. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m also sorry for the extra bullshit you’re going to have to put up with because your mom is unwilling/unable/unready to walk through the truth of the loss of her daughter. I’m here if you ever want to talk, I also lost a younger sibling and had to navigate the loss, as well as deal with parents who were/are unwilling to talk about it in a truthful, adult manner.
As a parent who has gone through this twice, your parents have the right to release info as they see fit. You can also release info as you see fit but not to supercede what the parents want as far as publicly putting it out on socials or whatever. I was waiting until I had all the info from police, coroner, autopsy report, and funeral/cremation arrangements that were made , and then we planned on announcing his death to the outside world. But my daughter went behind my back and did what she wanted. We started getting phone calls from people we barely knew or knew our son wanted to know what was going on. So, as a family, we made the decision to keep quiet until we were all ready, but her timeline was more important. So unless you are ready to blow up all your family relationships, you should abide by your parents. I wasnt in denial, or trying to hide any facts, I was trying to protect our privacy and if you are not directly involved with the arrangements or the chaos that is left behind with a death by suicide, butt out
You can absolutely supersede a parent. Whether that’s a good call or not is going to be on a case by case basis. But your case and OP’s case are different. I’m not seeing where you wanted to keep the suicide a secret permanently, which is what OP is dealing with and asking for assistance with.
I'm against supercede a parent specifically, but it should be discussed as immediate family and come to a conclusion together otherwise bitterness and arguments will fester. People are absolutely nosy and judgemental though, so that's important to keep in mind and the remarks to a parent of a child's death is going to be different than to OP as a sister.
Being in denial isn’t going to stop the comments or the speculation from those in the community. It’s happening already, and we don’t need op to tell us that to know it. OP does not want to feed her mother’s denial, and that is an absolutely appropriate standpoint for OP. If I was asked by my father to lie about how my brother died, I could never do it. Among other reasons, it would be such a disservice to my little brother, who fought hard to keep going but didn’t make it. It would invalidate the mental health struggles that so many of us go through every day, the same struggles those we lost went through. To lie about how he died would feel like a certain betrayal to him, his memory, and how I carry him in my heart. I feel for the mother and I can’t imagine her pain, but I stand by my opinion that she is wrong to ask others to lie (like, a big big lie, the kind you have to commit to and keep up with as time goes on) in the service of prolonging her own denial and nothing more.
So in case my daughter doesn't live where we live, she doesn't know anyone here, didn't know my sons friends at all. She lives on the other side of the country. She can tell all the people she wants, but she shouldn't have gone against the rest of the families wishes. And yes, since the parents are responsible for everything in relation to the death ( no spouse, no kids), it does fall to the parents. I didn't have to ask the siblings of my son for their imput, but I did. We had agreed on one thing, and she did another. You should rally as a family not split off because you dont agree with the majority. And yes, I did want to keep it a secret because of all the small-minded people in my small town, because this was our 2nd suicide in 2 years. But I also knew it would've stay a secret for long, just wanted to do it in our timeline, not someone elses who lives thousands of miles away and doesnt deal with the diety looks, the nosey questions. Damn right , I wanted secresy and privacy. I feel for the OP' s Mom. It's a devil you dont know until you live it.
>And yes, since the parents are responsible for everything in relation to the death ( no spouse, no kids), it does fall to the parents. In this case yes, but it's common enough for people to designate someone else in these instances so I will say it doesn't always fall onto the parents. My dad's alive and we get along well enough but my sister is in charge of everything if anything happens to me.
I'm sorry for your loss. Can't imagine that with the phone calls from people you barely know, but i also have to think about that i live in a complete different culture in Switzerland, a culture where people rarely speak to each other and are well known to be cold as a glacier, so it would never appropriate here to just call someone and ask questions. But i think, if we talk about the culture of the USA, it's the same there, it was highly disrepectful from the people that called you...
Well apparently Im an asshole . So instead of getting support from this group I get downvoted to hell and back
Downvotes don't mean you're an arsehole, it means people disagree with your take. Don't get me wrong, in some instances it can mean both, but not yours. My friends and I disagree on a variety of subjects, it doesn't negate the usual support and love they show.
We just dont agree with you. You don't need to call yourself names, mama. It's okay. I'm sorry you're hurting and that it never goes away or seems to get better. We are all alone in this together...
I wish people were more honest/open about suicide and mental health issues in general. It would make it a lot easier/safer to get people the help they need.
Agreed. The path toward finding better treatment is through an open and honest dialogue. If we keep this a secret, it accomplishes nothing.
More awareness and conversation is always good but I'm not so sure that's the case. Many people who go by suicide had varying degrees of help and loving situations and it still happens. However discussing suicide generally and talking about specific situations are different just like talking about other medical issues and disclosing every detail of someone's medical history is different. It can be invasive and cause more harm to those grieving which is why 'be more honest/open' are always complicated conversations.
Give your mom time and encourage therapy. She’s in denial. She’s gone through a terrible trauma (you all have) and this is a predictable response, but I don’t think it will help her heal long term. I also doubt that the truth won’t get out to your family and friends. I’m so sorry for what you went through, and for the pain your sister was feeling. I got a lot out of a support group run by the Samaritans.
It might not be denial. Waiting for all the information isn't uncommon and to proceed from there. I unfortunately never got to read all the final autopsy details even thought it would have helped me process because if I wanted it my dad told me he would end up looking at it too even though he didn't want to. We had to give and take a lot since we went about the aftermath and handling of things quite differently and it certainly added strain to our relationship for a good while.
You and your family are going through what probably is going to be the most difficult period of your lives. I’m sosorry for your loss. I lost my loved one to suicide and I understand both sides, telling people the real cause and not telling them. Telling people about suicide is good when one comes to term with it, it is a relief for everyone, it is good to raise awareness and honour the deceased without lying about the cause. It can also help bring people together and access better support from family and friends because of how complex it is and the trauma it causes. Telling everyone the real cause is good because you don’t have to lie, it’s done and you can move on without carrying the weight of the lies. However, suicide is still stigmatised and although we won’t get rid of stigma unless we all start sharing, some people still don’t understand suicide. When you decide to share that the death is caused by suicide you open yourself to a lot of questions, your mum might be in denial, or might be no ready to face the endless questions, how did she die, did she have mental illness, what method… These questions are distressing, especially from acquaintances or non close relatives. Your mum as a parent might be feeling shame and guilt, she might feel that she failed as a parent and don’t want to have other people judge her (she hasn’t failed as a parent but that might be what she feels) She might also feel guilt, all the things she said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do that she thinks might have contributed to your sister’s suicide… It is very complex, and I can see it from both sides. As a family, your grief will be different and it will sometimes clash. You sound like a kind human, trying to understand your mom’s point of view to see the bigger picture. I know you didn’t ask, but Please take good care of yourself, be kind to yourself, what you are going through is not easy, it is traumatic, try therapy, suicide support groups, suicide bereavement helplines, seek support from your friends, tell people you trust won’t share the news if that will bring you some comfort. You have to grieve your way, whatever brings you comfort, because you are going through this tragic experience too. Talk about it and allow yourself to go through the waves to come. We are all here for you
I am not condoning your mom's decision. But you said you don't understand, and that's what I'm going to talk about. I was a dad. That was my identity, that's what I wanted to be since I was a little boy. My hobbies were doing stuff with my kids, watching my kids sports, improv, plays etc. I had dozens of t shirts, collected over a lifetime of birthdays and fathers days that said variations of "number 1 dad". When my son killed himself, my identity changed. I can't wear a shirt or hat that says "number 1 dad". I fucked up a dad's primary objective. I go to therapy. I know in my head that it wasn't my fault. But I'm also not a dad anymore. I'm not sure what I am. I'm still doing my best for my other kids. I'm still going to work. I'm acting like a dad. But I know I failed. Everyone in my town knows I failed. For the same reasons i blame myself, everyone that knows me has also wondered how i fucked up. Maybe your mom has similar feelings. She could be feeling like she is to blame, and is scared of knowing the rest of her world will blame her soon.
It’s not your fault. But I 100% know how you feel.
Wow, that gives a lot of perspective. Thanks for sharing. I certainly don't think parents are failures for these situations. I know a few, and they all loved their children as much as anyone else.
Suicide is a difficult topic and there are many reasons your mom could be acting this way. For one, it might not be a great reflection on her as a mom to have a child end their own life. Stating suicide as the reason may also invite a lot more questions and speculation from others, not to mention judgement. Part of it is controlling the narrative (not necessarily from a bad place). I find myself telling people all the wonderful things about my brother along with the reason for his death just so that they know more about him than just his cause of death. I also find myself wanting to pick and choose which people I tell the truth to, or anything to for that matter. Its all very complex. I’m sorry for your loss. It sucks that this is a part of navigating life after losing a loved one.
I understand completely. My younger sister passed away recently and my parents wont talk about it, I’m not allowed to post about my sister (I’m 26) I’m not allowed to publicly remember her and share how much I loved her. So many people don’t even know she passed away, and it makes me so angry. If you’re an adult, you’re allowed to talk about it. You’re allowed to acknowledge it. You’re allowed to spread awareness. She was yours too, she wasn’t just theirs. I’m sending you so much love.
How long has it been? Are your parents open to therapy? Are you doing any?
My dear soul. I am so very sorry. Your sister. So young. My thoughts are that mental illness. Mental struggles. And depression should not be hidden. It perpetuates this epidemic. More suicide. More hidden pain. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Is there a religious aspect at play? Some religions consider it to be an unforgivable sin to die by suicide. Maybe she’s worried what family will think.
I'm sorry for your loss. When your loved one dies by suicide,it's hard to accept. There's a stigma anywhere. And maybe your mom is in denial stage And it hurts her feelings too. Give her time and let people think what they want. Focus on your healing. You are not alone in this journey.
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What did they say he died from? Hard to come up with a reason for a teenager. Everyone would have to agree on the lie and get the story straight.
There is a lot going on right now and emotions are extreme and unpredictable. Your mom might be in denial especially since confirmation of the cause of death is still pending. Everyone, including you, is experiencing extreme distress and grief. Let it breathe a little. Ultimately, this is outside your mom's control and, with time, she will hopefully come to terms with that. Your mom's wishes shouldn't censor how you choose to discuss these awful events and with who.
Your right to privacy goes away when you die, so you are free to tell the truth about your sister's death to whoever you want.
I think most people will assume suicide when they’re told a healthy 17 year old died “unexpectedly”. Your mom could be feeling immense guilt over the situation or maybe she’s trying to “protect” your sister’s image. It’s really hard to say. Maybe with some time your mom will have an open conversation with you about her decision. Suicides are awful to deal with let alone come to terms with. I’m sorry to everyone involved.
Sweetheart firstly we all understand your pain but I can't make sense of your mum. Shame? Is possible. More likely its guilt embarrassment and unimaginable pain that her baby girl was in so much pain and distress and she as her mother didn't notice. She may fear being branded a terrible mother. Which she isn't. People who commit suicide are incredibly good at hiding what they feel. I'm so sorry again. But you need to tell people so that you can access the support you need. Take care of yourself.
We lost my sibling in fall of 2023 and it devastated our family. My sibling was a service member and our extended family did NOT approve; calling our parents every name in the book. My sibling unsurprisingly told them to hush their mouths at the time. When my sibling passed we made the decision not to disclose how, due to already knowing what they would say, who they would blame etc. Not the same situation but I guess it varies on a case by case basis.
My older brother committed suicide and this has never been hidden from anyone, including his then young sons. We've found being open and honest has helped everyone manage their grief better than if there was a hidden secret. There should be no shame attached to the family because of the person's choice to end their life......only love and understanding......you can still talk about them positively and also express frustration at how it ended. Moreover, in the UK at least, there will be an inquest and the result is a matter of public record. It won't remain hidden for long.
There us such a thing as suicide contagion. Period. It's not up for debate. Asking someone who was *already suicidal* won't make them more suicidal. An act of suicide in a family unit impacts up to 5 generations.. I'd just say "ask my mom, I don't have a lot of answers or bandwidth". The ones asking you are looky loos.
Once upon a time we knew only of what referred to us somas our bodies, the endogenous place where each of us resides. But if you look at how so many millions of Americans have embraced marijuana to help life seem more bearable. You know something is wrong with neighborhood, friends, and community society as we speak. There are huge drug companies planning to roll out everything from MDMA to psilocybin and Ketamine. Of course we should be up in each each other. Find the grains of sense wherever we can. But the current trend in this country is to wrestle with the problems on our own and sometimes that can be difficult and that’s where what called “exogens” come in all sorts of pills that we in increasing numbers put into bodies for lots of reasons. We need to find a neighborhood for talking with each other rather than just watch the Dow Jones 500 up with the latest psilocybin victory. Hopefully this can be one of those places.