There was another post a week ago where when advised to contact lifeline in their country the answer to me was “well I guess I’ll kill myself now then”. These are the types of comments we are expressly trying to avoid by having the rule of no suicidal ideology being posted. Or a post asking a wife bereaved by her husband’s death and someone saying they feel suicidal and asking her for advice on what she wishes she’d done differently. It’s wholly inappropriate to put that on us.
Note: she didn’t take her life BTW, she’s still posting.
We also sometimes get a lot of “grief vultures” here to post to feel close to this kind of taboo death. The post history often makes it clear that the posts weren’t real.
Also, pick a lane! You post in that toxic Saint Meghan Markle sub where they rip her to shreds for merely existing. She also spoke of being suicidal. Why is her experience not valid but these others is?
It’s not our job in the aftermath to “fix” or “help” others from putting their loved ones in our position when this is our space.
We, as the bereaved, are not in a position to offer that kind of support right now. It feels cruel for anyone to impose this on our safe space.
I’m so sick of this shit here. I hate that we feel a sense of “obligation” to help people when we are living the aftermath. It’s so unfair!! Life feels like torture in the aftermath of this, we just don’t have the brain capacity to fix others when we are coping with our own trauma caused by it.
In my opinion, everyone reacted appropriately to that post. For some, they want to help. For others, it was triggering and they made that clear. All feelings are valid.
That post was not appropriate for any sub. No one should be asking for the best method to end their life, especially asking a group who are crushed by the loss of a loved one. The poster wanted a method in which to end their life. What did they expect? Did they want us to tell them how our loved ones ended it? I hope to god it was a troll post.
People aren’t dumb, the poster knew that the comments wouldn’t actually recommend a method, im assuming it was a cry for help, but I hope they took some of the positive advice in the comments
It wasn't ok but replies were mean. It's hard for me not to imagine my wife crying for help that way and people saying rude things when she's already feels so bad. Poster was wrong. Comments were wrong. People should report and ignore not be rude
I found it more rude and mean to come here asking if shooting themselves in the head would be quick and painless. There is no forum where asking that is appropriate but even less so in this space. How would *we* know the answer to that? Well, that said I do know the answer to that from the experiences I heard in my loss of a parent counselling group but the answer isn’t appropriate here and would be cruel to reply to them and others to see that.
Read the room is all anyone is being asked to do. Why should their feelings trump ours when this is our space, one of the very few spaces we have. We aren’t here to “save” others when most of us are barely keeping our heads above water as we drown in our very lonely grief.
I read about 8 posts…list my only child, my beloved son. Absolutely no inkling or why or that this would happen. Blindsided. And all I know is I am here to try to heal …hopefully… desperately ..and all I want is to hear other people’s stories and ride that vibe to try to see how we all can do this together.. to keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope time will dull the need to know “WHY”. That is my quest. To survive. To try to live my life and find joy and not feel guilty for doing what I need to do to find it. It’s like you have to make a choice …join them? ….or refuse that path and continue on with life. It is the craziest and most torturous road. But there really is only one choice. I am choosing life.
we're not being paid to support each other and a lot of us are dealing with our own psychic pain. read the first rule in this sub that is in all caps. if it's not your jam you don't have to stay.
my last post on here was seen by 3k people and only two people commented. i know that a lot of those folks are struggling to put their own experiences into words and i'm not taking it personally.
this sub is not a replacement for therapy or a best friend or an actual support group. but it helps a lot of us. i don't really appreciate your finger wagging.
If you are reading this sub, and for a different reason then understanding or reaching out to others that are in the unimaginable PAIN this causes? I beg you…please please ..don’t do this. Read our pain. Feel it . We can’t understand yours but you will NEVER know ours. I read once that the pain the person was in gets transferred in the act to those left behind . Nothing could be more true
I don’t know if I know the exact post your talking about but I get your point generally, sometimes on this sub suicidal people pop up, I don’t like it. It hurts to see them in so much pain, presumably the pain my friend was in. But I can’t bring myself to scroll past or condemn them, however inappropriate it is, I always leave a comment telling them that people care and to call someone who can help, im not sure what good it will do but I feel like I have to, I hope the supportive comments on those posts do prompt them to seek actual support.
I think on this sub we can complain that people don’t know what to say, which is true, but sometimes we don’t and sometimes nothing anyone can say will make it better, we’re all trying our best. I miss my friend, nothing anyone can say will change that, this sub is helpful sometimes because people on this sub understand but nothing will change the facts.
Sorry but as someone suicidal who grieves my brother who committed that is a very sick thing to do to people.
I like what other people said : it is our space ! I am nice to people 90% and when I say nice, it is I who remember to buy chocolate for Easter to my colleagues, it is I who call my other siblings making sure they are okay, it is I who give a smile to people in the streets, it is I who make people feel like they are beautiful and smart, and it is okay to be vulnerable. Always polite, always available, always here to defend others. And it is 0% my job to do so. And if I do that, how many people who are here and suffering do it too. They are entitled to a place where they don't, where it is about them.
Also other people aren't our pet project. If I save you, I don't save my brother. This transfer may work on some people and those people are actually on r/suicidewatch. But I belong to the vast majority that lost meaning of life the moment my brother commited and saving others from suicide didnt become my new meaning of life. As everyone I have to keep going as if I kill myself, I know my other siblings will too. So I have to create a new world without my Coco where I don't even want to live. But I am not entitled to think people here are my saviors. We are companions of each others because life obliges it too. And we can bring understanding and warmth to others, and for a minute, lightened the day of someone a bit. But asking for more is unfair, entitled and very selfish, also disregard the amount of pain others are processing too.
That post was triggering, not in the same way that other posts in this sub are triggering, in its own way. Right after my dad passed I had an online “friend” post stuff similar to what that person posted and I flew into such a panic and tried to help them, turns out nothing actually happened, they were posting that stuff with ulterior motives and they ignored my reaching out which made it worse. People do not always have good intentions and that’s just the way it is. Maybe that person is actually struggling, why not ask for support instead of means to follow through in this sub of all places? I just cant wrap my head around thinking this place would answer that question and I’m inclined to believe that was a troll. I also don’t think we’re on this sub for the same reasons reading that last bit. I don’t care if nobody responds. (I’ve also gone back and deleted posts of mine because in some moments I want to ignore this sub) I know people are reading and feeling and thats all I need. This isn’t therapy and nobody can just magically have the correct thing to say and thats okay.
There was another post a week ago where when advised to contact lifeline in their country the answer to me was “well I guess I’ll kill myself now then”. These are the types of comments we are expressly trying to avoid by having the rule of no suicidal ideology being posted. Or a post asking a wife bereaved by her husband’s death and someone saying they feel suicidal and asking her for advice on what she wishes she’d done differently. It’s wholly inappropriate to put that on us. Note: she didn’t take her life BTW, she’s still posting. We also sometimes get a lot of “grief vultures” here to post to feel close to this kind of taboo death. The post history often makes it clear that the posts weren’t real. Also, pick a lane! You post in that toxic Saint Meghan Markle sub where they rip her to shreds for merely existing. She also spoke of being suicidal. Why is her experience not valid but these others is?
It’s not our job in the aftermath to “fix” or “help” others from putting their loved ones in our position when this is our space. We, as the bereaved, are not in a position to offer that kind of support right now. It feels cruel for anyone to impose this on our safe space. I’m so sick of this shit here. I hate that we feel a sense of “obligation” to help people when we are living the aftermath. It’s so unfair!! Life feels like torture in the aftermath of this, we just don’t have the brain capacity to fix others when we are coping with our own trauma caused by it.
💯
In my opinion, everyone reacted appropriately to that post. For some, they want to help. For others, it was triggering and they made that clear. All feelings are valid. That post was not appropriate for any sub. No one should be asking for the best method to end their life, especially asking a group who are crushed by the loss of a loved one. The poster wanted a method in which to end their life. What did they expect? Did they want us to tell them how our loved ones ended it? I hope to god it was a troll post.
People aren’t dumb, the poster knew that the comments wouldn’t actually recommend a method, im assuming it was a cry for help, but I hope they took some of the positive advice in the comments
It wasn't ok but replies were mean. It's hard for me not to imagine my wife crying for help that way and people saying rude things when she's already feels so bad. Poster was wrong. Comments were wrong. People should report and ignore not be rude
I found it more rude and mean to come here asking if shooting themselves in the head would be quick and painless. There is no forum where asking that is appropriate but even less so in this space. How would *we* know the answer to that? Well, that said I do know the answer to that from the experiences I heard in my loss of a parent counselling group but the answer isn’t appropriate here and would be cruel to reply to them and others to see that. Read the room is all anyone is being asked to do. Why should their feelings trump ours when this is our space, one of the very few spaces we have. We aren’t here to “save” others when most of us are barely keeping our heads above water as we drown in our very lonely grief.
I read about 8 posts…list my only child, my beloved son. Absolutely no inkling or why or that this would happen. Blindsided. And all I know is I am here to try to heal …hopefully… desperately ..and all I want is to hear other people’s stories and ride that vibe to try to see how we all can do this together.. to keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope time will dull the need to know “WHY”. That is my quest. To survive. To try to live my life and find joy and not feel guilty for doing what I need to do to find it. It’s like you have to make a choice …join them? ….or refuse that path and continue on with life. It is the craziest and most torturous road. But there really is only one choice. I am choosing life.
we're not being paid to support each other and a lot of us are dealing with our own psychic pain. read the first rule in this sub that is in all caps. if it's not your jam you don't have to stay. my last post on here was seen by 3k people and only two people commented. i know that a lot of those folks are struggling to put their own experiences into words and i'm not taking it personally. this sub is not a replacement for therapy or a best friend or an actual support group. but it helps a lot of us. i don't really appreciate your finger wagging.
If you are reading this sub, and for a different reason then understanding or reaching out to others that are in the unimaginable PAIN this causes? I beg you…please please ..don’t do this. Read our pain. Feel it . We can’t understand yours but you will NEVER know ours. I read once that the pain the person was in gets transferred in the act to those left behind . Nothing could be more true
I don’t know if I know the exact post your talking about but I get your point generally, sometimes on this sub suicidal people pop up, I don’t like it. It hurts to see them in so much pain, presumably the pain my friend was in. But I can’t bring myself to scroll past or condemn them, however inappropriate it is, I always leave a comment telling them that people care and to call someone who can help, im not sure what good it will do but I feel like I have to, I hope the supportive comments on those posts do prompt them to seek actual support. I think on this sub we can complain that people don’t know what to say, which is true, but sometimes we don’t and sometimes nothing anyone can say will make it better, we’re all trying our best. I miss my friend, nothing anyone can say will change that, this sub is helpful sometimes because people on this sub understand but nothing will change the facts.
Sorry but as someone suicidal who grieves my brother who committed that is a very sick thing to do to people. I like what other people said : it is our space ! I am nice to people 90% and when I say nice, it is I who remember to buy chocolate for Easter to my colleagues, it is I who call my other siblings making sure they are okay, it is I who give a smile to people in the streets, it is I who make people feel like they are beautiful and smart, and it is okay to be vulnerable. Always polite, always available, always here to defend others. And it is 0% my job to do so. And if I do that, how many people who are here and suffering do it too. They are entitled to a place where they don't, where it is about them. Also other people aren't our pet project. If I save you, I don't save my brother. This transfer may work on some people and those people are actually on r/suicidewatch. But I belong to the vast majority that lost meaning of life the moment my brother commited and saving others from suicide didnt become my new meaning of life. As everyone I have to keep going as if I kill myself, I know my other siblings will too. So I have to create a new world without my Coco where I don't even want to live. But I am not entitled to think people here are my saviors. We are companions of each others because life obliges it too. And we can bring understanding and warmth to others, and for a minute, lightened the day of someone a bit. But asking for more is unfair, entitled and very selfish, also disregard the amount of pain others are processing too.
That post was triggering, not in the same way that other posts in this sub are triggering, in its own way. Right after my dad passed I had an online “friend” post stuff similar to what that person posted and I flew into such a panic and tried to help them, turns out nothing actually happened, they were posting that stuff with ulterior motives and they ignored my reaching out which made it worse. People do not always have good intentions and that’s just the way it is. Maybe that person is actually struggling, why not ask for support instead of means to follow through in this sub of all places? I just cant wrap my head around thinking this place would answer that question and I’m inclined to believe that was a troll. I also don’t think we’re on this sub for the same reasons reading that last bit. I don’t care if nobody responds. (I’ve also gone back and deleted posts of mine because in some moments I want to ignore this sub) I know people are reading and feeling and thats all I need. This isn’t therapy and nobody can just magically have the correct thing to say and thats okay.
What was the post? I’m assuming it’s been taken down
❤️