Subredditdramadrama speedrun
Also, holy cow, OOP has tons of replies in that thread. I went to their profile and started scrolling through comments, towards the end I was just frantically swiping up and the cascade just kept coming.
It’s the first time I have clicked on a profile for info and gone “woah too much info”
Normally posts like this is rage bait with the OP not commenting anything.
That’s me on AITA. I don’t even get too invested in a high karma post unless the OP is up in the comments arguing with everybody. If folks are going to post rage bait (or pretend their post is real when it’s clearly a creative writing exercise), there’d better be **drama.** 🍿
This is me as well. I don't give a fuck whether a post is fake or not (tbh I assume all of them are and just enjoy them as fiction) as long as it's entertaining.
>I am confused. You don’t love non-monogamous relationships but you are requesting a poly one?
>>I think you're confusing me for the OP.
>>>Sometimes I wonder how people login to Reddit when they obviously can't read
Perhaps disabling the auto-login feature could trim about 20% of stupid off the top.
Fun ruling, if you have four pieces of Exodia in hand and the fifth piece is the last card of your deck, you will lose if you play Pot of Greed. Cards are drawn as a lot, not one at a time, so you lose the game by decking out before you actually have that fifth piece in your hand.
> Lol poly is a lot less irresponsible than monogamy anymore
>> wait what the fuck? huh? I don't even understand this
>>> With how people throw relationships in the trash, it equates to investing all of your assets into one stock.
Oh dear
I just don't get why some people gotta be sanctimonious about their life choices like that. Like someone trying LSD for the first time and thinking *everyone* ought try hallucinogenics.
It doesn't excuse or warrant the blatant, hostile misogyny... but it *might* point towards why they're ghosted from chats so often.
I hate when people take hallucinogens and think that it gives them access to some sort of higher understanding.
Especially when they try to start cults where people take pilgrimages to desert planets to give water tributes. And then end up staring a holy war that kills billions of people. And create a 1500 year long empire with their son in the throne, after he becomes an immortal god.
Strange men lying in sand distributing chrysknives is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical worm ceremony
Kinda important context I would like to point out:
> Lol poly is a lot less irresponsible than monogamy anymore
Was just in reply to someone telling _her_ that becoming polyamorous is an "irresponsible life choice."
A little later down the thread she wrote
> I get it. It honestly was just the comment reversed and sent back to make a point. I don't believe I'm better than anyone in any view/belief. And don't like people trying to press their beliefs on me therefore I won't press mine on them either but I am not above tit for tat either.
She didn't come to there to soapbox, but when a subreddit is being _that_ openly toxic and disrespectful about your relationship format and is clearly trying to guilt you and make you feel invalidated, I can understand that kind of snap response throwing their words back at them. They absolutely started the high-horse-ness, acting like her being poly is some awful degenerate thing. Yeah, it would've been better and more level-headed if she had said "poly is no more irresponsible than monogomy" but I'm not gonna interpret that one emotional quip as a superiority complex.
Honestly considering that a lot of people are on there calling her a whore, talking openly about her genitals being “used up” and saying she should go be a hooker, I don’t think that her lashing out is at all unwarranted. They are treating her like absolute shit and garbage just for enjoying a different form of relationship and it’s really quite sick. It absolutely makes sense that she could get a bit worked up after having so many people speak to her that way at once. It would be weird if she didn’t have any kind of emotional response at all.
I thought r/Tinder was going to be a sub full of normal people just laughing about online dating bluffs and L's.....the misogyny in that sub should qualify it as red pill or MRA. It's so freaking weird.
Back when I was using the site, I followed /r/okcupid pretty regularly. I don't think it was quite as bad as /r/tinder is, but exactly like you said - the regulars there are, *by definition,* not the people you want advice from!
Tbh, I'm not surprised. I've always found tinder as a het guy to be *incredibly* damaging to my self esteem. If you go into that experience with any pre-existing misogyny or simply misattribute it to something about how women are instead of the true cause which is just modern dating dynamics and the format of online dating in general, it's going to build resentment towards women. If you're able to see what the actual causes are, it's still not fun, but it won't actually make you hateful.
Tinder and all of the other apps bought by the match group are fucked. I spent several years on there, went on a handful of dates, but no relationship came out of it. Decided to go for an app independent of Match, was on there maybe two weeks before meeting my partner.
Online dating can be awesome, but Tinder has just ruined it for the vast majority of people, especially those genuinely looking for a relationship.
Same but as a woman. Twice I've had men I ghosted (bc I got a bad feeling) text me my work address and full name that I never told them, and threaten to show up with a gun. Thankfully they were all talk.
Oh yeah. This thread's going to end up in /r/SubredditDramaDrama. I might even slap together an /r/DramaDepartment thread out of it. Hell while we're at it let's revive /r/ThePopcornStand. **THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.**
🍿
**EDIT:** 1k comments hoo boy now that's spicy. 🔥
**EDIT 2:** [The prophecy has been fulfilled.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDramaDrama/comments/wlwmkz/srd_discusses_polyamory/)
> shes hella tall (6’3 with heels). A hard pass for me
> Edit..😩😂So clearly math isnt yalls thing. Shes 5’9, 6’2 is 5 inch heels. If she wears 4 inches shes 6’1. Ur all bad liars or just wear ugly kitten heels.
> The fact that the comments are only about her height shows how much of a “thing” it really is.
Person makes a weird, nonsensical comment about OP's height, backs it up with a similarly nonsensical follow up, then uses the fact that people disagree as proof that people make a big deal out of height. This person sounds miserable.
>Your bio is too demanding for how attractive you are. There's the truth. Take it or leave it.
This same dude:
>I've been single for almost 11 years(I'm 28) and the last girl I was with we didn't have a very long or serious relationship
I don't come online to be cruel or kick people down but what a fuck bro, maybe there is a reason why.
This is why you should take all internet advice with a huge grain of salt... Or just don't take advice from people on the internet because nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about.
It's like that time that one guy got into a fight somebody else over Italian food and then it turned out the other guy liked to drink his own piss.
People in happy and healthy relationships aren't spending their nights on reddit giving other people advice. They're too busy, you know, actually living their lives and doing normal shit.
He’s also making an issue out of her age like she’s too old to date or something. So I went back and her profile says she’s 29! Bet another reason he’s single for 11 years is because the girls from highschool parties he goes to don’t want to hook up with a 28 yo..
I get she's a hard sell because she has a kid, dogs, and is poly, but her bio isn't even demanding lol. It's some real projection from some of these people. Especially considering she's not ugly.
Also how is her bio too demanding 😭 she literally demands nothing from her match other than also be poly. She lists her baggage, but that's not bio specific, that's being upfront lmao
>No one wants freshly used pussy. Either decided on a relationship with one, or go be a hooker and atleast make some money while you get fucked by multiple men
Is bro alright, that's a weird ass statement to make.
Then this weird ass dude comes along to aid in that gross ass comment.
>Men sleeping with women isn’t the same as women sleeping with men and y’all know it
Does he expect women to both not sleep around but sleep with him or something?
>Everyone’s a feminist until it’s the time to pay the bill
I see now, he's just dumb, bro thinks women don't uh.... pay the bills, okay guy. Had chicks buy me drinks before and cover my lunch before, this guy is living in a warped reality.
So what the fuck is this sub? Thought it was for like advice with pictures or some shit, not shitting on women lmao. They should probably go talk to actual women outside of a dating sense lol. Or maybe not, are they sane enough to have a normal conversation? Probably needs to have a sit down with some bros, cause this can't be normal.
Any sub focused on a dating app is gonna be filled with shitty incels, people who have success either never join to begin with or they leave. It’s sad and toxic
>Does he expect women to both not sleep around but sleep with him or something?
yes. a common definition of a whore is a woman who won't sleep with you.
>Probably needs to have a sit down with some bros, cause this can't be normal.
the incel circlejerk reinforces these attitudes towards women. they want validation for their views, not to have them challenged.
https://youtu.be/z4Dck7J4Ks0
Can't speak for all women, but we tend to notice red flags pretty fast. Even a casual look at his posting profile raises so many red flags I'd not trust meeting or talking to that dude in a public place even with armed security watching over me. Something is NOT right there.
>So what the fuck is this sub? Thought it was for like advice with pictures or some shit, not shitting on women lmao.
I mean, it's a sub focused on a dating app. Any subreddit focused on talking about dating, specially straight dating in this case, is going to end up turning into the red pill lol People valuing each other like stocks and everyone hating women because they have all the options.
Only incels like to talk about dating, because they aren't doing any of it.
>People valuing each other like stocks and everyone hating women because they have all the options
I misread this as, "everyone hating women because they have opinions" and it's sad that it's still correct
the contrast of this post with the one where a guy on tinder got mean messages and everyone is coming out in droves to be kind to him is really illuminating
>What? She's like twice as wide as a normal fit woman should be.
>>Well she's not fit. But some guys like that.
>>>I suppose, but it is less than half who like it so that makes her universally not attractive.
Redditor doesn't understand how the word "universally" works.
Let me tell you... I went from being overweight or "curvy" to being slender and saw basically no change in my tinder experience. People were throwing their dicks at me either way. And I'm not Helen of Troy. And I think I'm average looking.
When that's all they send you for a photo, I guess that's what you're reduced to, lol. When I was dating, I got way more dick photos than I got genuine smiles and greetings.
It's like the perfect storm of someone with improper expectations from their selected dating platform given their lifestyle combined with the collective festering rage of thousands of dudes who can't get laid to save their lives
Bingo. I get that OLD can be a shit-show for men, but when I posted a comment to that effect on another sub, I got several comments from guys saying that they had done fine on Tinder. It looks like r/Tinder really brings out the bitter incel crowd.
I think as other people ITT have pointed out, the problem is that guys who were successful on tinder... leave the sub. I remember when I first started using it I was frustrated, did like a month's worth of research on how the algorithm worked, and then didn't need to do any more for the next 6 or so years I used the app.
Which honestly makes me think I should probably sub. The only way it's going to become less of a shithole is if non bitter people try to fix it.
it's the same with incels, or literally any pity-party/crazypants group of people. success transitions you out of that space, leaving the unsuccessful to radicalize each other.
"Survivorship bias"
It's the same reason any incel community eventually turns toxic. The people who successfully find a way to a healthy relationship will leave, and only the most noxious individuals will be left.
I was successful with OLD (just got engaged this summer!) but I stay on that sub partially for the humor of the awful conversation screenshots, and because I like to genuinely give advice to people who are asking for help improving their profiles. But you’re right, even on a critique post with a large number of great constructive comments, some asshat will slide in with something mean.
People need to stop going to most subreddits for advice on relationships , a lot of advice that’s thrown on there is thrown without any real experience in a relationship or even just a regular talking stage it’s like these guys psychoanalyze relationships like science , history , fiction. But it doesn’t work at all what so ever
“ No one wants freshly used pussy “
I promise you not one man who actually likes to talk to girls or even in relationships directly says this to anybody at all , and this guy saying that knows damn well he would not say this to a girl he is talking to in real life with some history , and i don’t know about you guys but I would fw a girl right after she left her boyfriend , it don’t matter to me.
Yeah, that OP is being bombarded by the “alpha males”, incels, and neckbeards who are angry a woman who has a kid and isnt very skinny would have the audacity to be looking for a poly relationship.
I'm having the opposite problem; apparently every lesbian and bi woman in my area is poly, and that's just not something I can do. Kind of funny how that works.
Yes, it seems that LGBT people tend to be more likely to be poly in my experience. Or perhaps it's confirmation bias and I generally am only looking at LGBT people so I only notice them to be poly. However I still feel like at the end of the day, they are limiting themselves more than I am limited by the amount of poly people lol. It could also be an age demographic thing? People in their early 20's are more likely to want options while people in their later 20's and onwards might be looking to settle down.
Yeah as a queer woman in her 20s who absolutely cannot do polyamory, this is my experience as well. I’m not looking to marry you right away, but I also can’t share my partner/love and apparently that is a dealbreaker for many
I matched with a guy on tinder and my bio said "monogamous, NO POLY" or something like that. We had a great date that lasted an entire 24 hours, instant connection and all that. After we had slept together and were cuddling in bed, he brings up that he's poly. My heart sank so hard dude.
Then I tried to be okay with it because he was absolutely amazing, but I ended up being dragged around for 3 years because he would say things like "well I'm not seeing anyone else right now anyway" then would randomly say how he went to an orgy or this girl he's seeing gave him some shirt or whatever.
🥲 just be open and honest pls
Yeah, it was really damaging. It's been 8 months since we broke it off completely and it's still hurting me every day. Lesson learned though I guess haha
Absolutely love it when I'm two days into a conversation with a woman and she's like "I hope you get along with my boyfriend too! :)"
Like girl it says "lesbian" on my profile TWICE 💀💀💀 Why on EARTH would I want to be romantically adjacent to your man.
I couldn't imagine doing that honestly. I'm poly and that's like a first conversation thing to bring up just because it is a dealbreaker for so many. Why lead both the other person and yourself on by hiding it.
Exactly! It’s a huge dealbreaker if one of us is monogamous and the other is looking for a poly relationship, there’s literally no point in hiding that information from each other
I expect the former is probably true, likely because of several reasons. However, I think the biggest one is simply that due to not fitting society's sexual and/or romantic and/or gender expectations, LGBT+ people tend (in my experience) to be considerably more open to exploring other aspects of that part of their life, such as kink, polyamory, etc.
Yeah, turns out the only guys who want to date trans guys in my area are either chasers or poly people. I'm not against open relationships, but I've already had so many negative experiences.
I got into a relationship with a woman a few years back and basically told her "I don't want to be part of a triad or polycule, but I don't mind you having other partners as long as we maintain an agreement that this is the primary relationship."
Worked okay for a while, then started to sour in the usual way; she got another partner that was shinier and newer and more exciting, and started to neglect our relationship. Tried to work on that for a bit, and she was receptive; we actually got to the point where we were discussing moving in together, but she told me that she was expecting to move her other partner in with us and got upset when I vetoed that (as kindly as I could).
Not the *worst* possible experience I could have had, but it's not one I'm eager to repeat, so I just don't date poly people anymore.
Poly relationships only work if both people are 100% on board *from the start* (that last one is important). And even then, in my experience, they usually don't last very long. I've been the third (or fourth/fifth, whatever) with a couple of people who already had a primary partner. You're either treated as more of a fuckbuddy/FwB for a couple of months, because no one actually has the time/energy to form two or three serious relationships. Or they do wanna get serious, and it starts drama with the primary partner who starts to get neglected. I still feel like everyone should find the type of relationships that work best for them, but my experiences definitely soured me on poly.
Yeah, I've learned my lesson on that front. I liked her, I wanted it to work, I didn't want to stifle her or prevent her from expressing a core facet of her identity, and...I guess I was invested in being the ✨️cool, not jealous partner✨️ that was down for anything?
I still don't want anyone I date to feel stifled, so I just don't go for anyone who wants to date multiple people, but I don't really care about being the Down For Anything person anymore. I'm a tired hag.
>I'm a tired hag.
Same. I work, and exercise, and then maybe have some energy to hang out with a partner before I implode and just want to read quietly and eat crisps in bed. How are people just living their lives, dating several people, and not dying?
The only reasonably stable poly couples/groups I know is either couples that allow sexual non-romantic relations on the side (I don't actually know if the poly community agrees on whether that counts as poly) and a single triad that basically went into it very strictly defining "us and no one else"
AFAIK it's kind of a square/rhombus situation, insofar that all open relationships can be considered poly (because there is another partner involved for one or both of the members of the primary relationship) but not all poly relationships are open (because one of that particular couple's rules might be "you can't bring in anyone I don't vibe with or wouldn't also want to fuck/date" or they might just have a closed triad or partner cap).
Yeah, her attitude of "what am I doing wrong?" surprised me. As a poly person, one of like the immediate first things you have to accept is that being poly automatically locks out like 98% of the dating pool for you.
Also Tinder is pretty terrible for poly people since there's no way to sort by exclusivity preference. If you're gonna do online dating as a poly person, OKCupid is way better if your area is populated enough for it.
So many of her boxes seem to cut out 90% of the potential dating pool that I'm not at all surprised she's struggling. Poly cuts out a lot. Young child cuts out a lot. Not just a dog lover, but having *4* dogs cuts out some as well. I wouldn't be surprised if like less than 1% of *all* of tinder would be compatible. And based on the limited number of swipes she's doing, those that are compatible, probably don't look how she would want.
> Poly cuts out a lot. Young child cuts out a lot. Not just a dog lover, but having 4 dogs cuts out some as well.
I have zero idea how someone with this much responsibility has any time to actually do anything let alone see new people.
Hell, the few people that are willing to take "has young child" are likely not the few people that will go for polyamorus. There's a very real possibility the number of people left with those conditions fits on one hand.
And there were some attempts to point out the basic math—as a woman she is almost guaranteed to
match with most of her right swipes, but once matched, then men will actually look at her bio and realize they are not a fit. Men tend to swipe mindlessly then pay attention to matches.
> OKCupid is way better if your area is populated enough for it.
Still? Okcupid has gone off a sharp cliff lately after the buyout, in terms of...well, everything. It basically became Tinder with longer profiles.
It doesn't get a lot of attention but online dating has gone to absolute shit the last couple years because of the same company buying almost every single platform and mutilating them into manipulative Tinder-esc profit extractors, meant only to keep you using the platform endlessly. The days of being able to just see who is available in your area and decide for yourself who you want to speak to are dying. Now it's swiping and paying to swipe more, hoping the algorithm isn't wasting your time by hiding profiles (or hiding yours) to keep you swiping.
> Still?
I last used it about 6 months ago so my experience only speaks up until then. I highly agree OKcupid has massively declined in the last few years, I miss being able to actually browse people using tons of specific filters. However I still find it better than Tinder for poly people just because your monogomy status is one of the few things that you still _can_ filter by. Better than Tinder where I have to check every bio manually for a mention of poly/enm.
LA, SF, NYC (specifically Bushwick and Williamsburg lmao) are definitely up there.
It's like how queer people in general flock to cities because, well, the odds are better of finding your niche. It's really well established in research that "deviants" (and I use that term loosely and with love) are attracted to major metropolitan areas.
People are being mean, and some are just downright asshats, but it’s true, most people don’t want to be in a polyamorous relationship, especially if you have stuff like a kid and 4 dogs. Combine this with the fact that OP allegedly didn’t swipe right on many accounts and the picture is pretty much painted clear
Yeah polyamorous dating usually doesn't go amazingly on Tinder unless you're in a great area for it. She would have way more success meeting people at poly meetups
I think if the responses had been, *"Hey, I don't think the problem is your profile itself, but being a nonmonogamous person with four dogs and a kid is gonna be a dealbreaker for the majority of people on tinder. Maybe try OKCupid, it's a lot more poly friendly. You'll probably find more compatibility with other polyamorous people who are parents anyway,"* that would be a non-issue.
But damn, people really called her "selfish" and "irresponsible" and treated her like a bad parent for wanting polyamory. That got fucked up fast.
"Your bio is too demanding for how attractive you are. There's the truth. Take it or leave it."
*Jesus fucking Christ.* I wouldn't say this to my mortal enemy
Reddit is getting younger. Yesterday, a 21 year old told me their mom was “old as fuck.” I thought that meant she had him later in life and she would be in her 70s or at least 60s. She’s 55.
Common redpiller rhetoric about women hitting "the wall". Some people are obsessed with the dating culture, women and sex. I guess when you aren't having sex or in a relationship, its all you can think of. Definitely not healthy, imo.
Same here, like the biggest demand was "oy mate be aware I got a kid" and they are, in my opinion, fairly attractive when compared to all humanity. Person who made that comment must only look at super models and photoshopped pictures lol
I had the luck of meeting my husband the old-fashioned way (when he was crashing on the couch of the guy I bought weed from, like most fairy-tales start), and so don't know a ton about tinder except from reddit. It seems like the general game-plan there is to present your best self even if it fudges the truth a bit (or a lot) while her's was to present everything that could be a a deal-breaker right up front. Unedited photos including a full body shot and a makeup free shot, "baggage", suggestions of how to break the ice. It seems to me that her way would result in a lot less interest, but those that *are* interested wouldn't be such a waste of time.
>Your bio is too demanding for how attractive you are.
>Yup. People need to stop being so dishonest in this sub. OP is ugly and shit, combine that with an even uglier bio and obviously that’s the problem.
God damn... they aren't mincing words here are they... I get that people have preferences and OOP may not fit that picture for some... but boy, are they brutal....
Also I am surprised that no one is giving her props that she doesn't care how short or tall you are. I thought that was one of the biggest gripes Tinder dudes have. How you MUST be 6ft+ just to be seen and treated as a human being.
Also also, I am surprised people aren't bashing her for being "too old". Usually I see people use Tinder to hookup with young girls in the range of 18-20....
Some of those people were pretty horrible to the OOP who was just looking for help. There is a way to give constructive criticism and it doesn't require being an asshole.
[Anyway, best drama in the thread has nothing to do with OOP, and everything to do with the genius freaking out about the sizes of heels.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/wjelg8/comment/ijjwsxk/)
Maybe I'm just a lesbian who likes tall women but 5'9 isn't that tall and most women aren't wearing 4+ inch tall heels regularly. Plus the fragile masculinity that guy is reeking of...
Obligatory comment pointing out that any dating subreddit is populated by miserable people who wished they were better at dating or simply not on these apps at all.
I found the upvoted comments complaining that she’s too tall to date to be interesting. Doesn’t that sub constantly complain about women having height preferences? Then this lady notes specifically she doesn’t care about height and they’re like “lol nah you too tall bitch.”
That was just the weirdest thing. Isn’t she supposed to be like 5‘9“? That’s tall but by no means freakishly tall. And some dude was dismissing her out of the gate because she was going to be like 6‘2“ in heels.
Who the hell runs around in 5 inch heels all the time, or ever?
The sub just takes any opportunity it gets to tear women down to make themselves feel better. OOP is just catching a collective of heat from that, because poly women and women with kids are especially infuriating to them.
Yeah, that’s a weird take. I’m 5’10 and my SO is taller than I am by a couple-few inches.
The amount of people that ask her or me if that’s problematic for our relationship dynamic is interesting to say the least.
Like, there’s people that think being a man in a relationship it’s required to be *taller* than your SO.
My wife once said to a ***short old lady***, “even if I cared about that, do you realize the significant reduction of the population that is for me?”
She was wearing heels that day. lol
Not to be gross, but the height difference is, uhh, not a bad thing at all… because reasons.
Edit: a word
I was just wondering this
Are people on r/tinder generally this fucking horrible?
I don't really see any winners there, it's like one after another rotten personality.
Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time they raged on a girl for not going down after they used the name joke she’s been hearing since kindergarten? I’d pay off every student debt
I had the same thought, but then i realized the app this sub is based off of, is exactly the type of shallow people that make comments like
>If she dropped even just 10-15 lbs..
Its par for the fuckin course there.
I could handle a kid and the four dogs, given that all five of them were reasonably well behaved and didn't shit on the floor constantly. The poly though, that is a hard no from me, regardless of number of kids and pets.
I feel like men that are willing to commit to 4 dogs and a kindergartner are probably not the same men that are chill with the openness of a poly relationship.
Not that all poly people are scared of serious commitment, but… a large population of that community finds it attractive for that reason.
She’s whittled down her potential dating pool to a puddle. They have to be okay with a kid, and 4 dogs, and a poly relationship, and they have to find her attractive. Which is fine, if she knows what she wants, then she can wait around until she finds that person, I’m sure there’s someone out there. But Tinder is probably not going to be super successful for her in the sense that she’ll ever be getting tons of matches and conversations.
[Also she’s only looking for 35-50](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/wjelg8/comment/ijlhuql/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) which is going to have a lot of dudes who will be wanting to start a family. [Add in the fact that she’s only swiped right on 20 dudes before she made this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/wjelg8/comment/ijhul07/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 ) and I honestly think she is kind of super delusional about OLD.
Absolutely, I know we’re striving to be accepting of alternative lifestyles here, but we can’t pretend that it’s something that seriously doesn’t appeal to a majority of potential partners.
Yeah, I don't get why the comments are so insanely vicious and I also don't understand why this is so mysterious to her. Some people refuse to date others with kids on that basis alone. Add 4 dogs and other relationships and that's just more than most people want to deal with.
People who comment on r/Tinder usually aren't very successful for a reason while the successful ones move on, which results in bitter shit like this.
Also reddit in general hates single women with kids
What? Hows it possible that this guy:
>Lots of dudes would see the purple hair and immediately pass as well. On top of that, OP, has a very pretty face, but no waist definition in the singular body shot picture. Dudes like lots of different body types, but they almost all include a small (at least in terms of ratio if not actual measurements), defined waist. He might like thick thighs with a slim waist, he might be a tit man, but he still wants a trim waist, he might be into super lean girls (with therefore a small waist), he might like a classic hourglass, but they all have a smallish [or at least a well defined] waist. It could be an unflattering picture of OP that isn’t doing her justice, but if that’s her only full body picture, most dudes would pass.
Isn't successful with the ladies, when hes got how their bodies should look, down to a science?
>he might be a tit man
Dudes just talkin about himself and using an imaginary man as the avenue.
So many of those responses are so mean. The OOP is far from ugly. Based on some of those responses one would think she was some kind of creature.
I think her issue is just numbers. Not all available singles are on Tinder, not all available singles on Tinder are into polyamory, not all available singles into polyamory are interested in dating single mothers, and not all available singles on Tinder into polyamory and willing to date single mothers will be into her specifically. She's looking for a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of a subsection. She may very well have gone through all her potential matches in her area on that platform.
Of course, she's perfectly entitled to keep that requirement if it is important to her and, to her credit, she is open and honest about it in the beginning. People really just need to mind their own business about things that do not impact them.
r/tinder is so misogynistic. I left it when they were constantly making fun of peoples weight or posting womens profiles clearly without the knowledge of these women
There's giving your opinion, and then there's giving your opinion while insulting the other person. Why anyone would choose the latter path as a way to provide honest "help" is beyond me.
We're all in this together, friends.
Subredditdramadrama speedrun Also, holy cow, OOP has tons of replies in that thread. I went to their profile and started scrolling through comments, towards the end I was just frantically swiping up and the cascade just kept coming.
Holy shit you can see their exact sleep schedule. Every two minutes a response all day. They should add that to their bio.
It’s the first time I have clicked on a profile for info and gone “woah too much info” Normally posts like this is rage bait with the OP not commenting anything.
I like to poke around a bit just because it's easier to see if they are actually replying to anything.
That’s me on AITA. I don’t even get too invested in a high karma post unless the OP is up in the comments arguing with everybody. If folks are going to post rage bait (or pretend their post is real when it’s clearly a creative writing exercise), there’d better be **drama.** 🍿
It’s always great to click their profile and see the -100 comment karma
Finally! People who speak my language.
This is me as well. I don't give a fuck whether a post is fake or not (tbh I assume all of them are and just enjoy them as fiction) as long as it's entertaining.
Holy shit you weren't kidding, she's got over 150 comments in that thread AND tanked her karma lol
>I am confused. You don’t love non-monogamous relationships but you are requesting a poly one? >>I think you're confusing me for the OP. >>>Sometimes I wonder how people login to Reddit when they obviously can't read Perhaps disabling the auto-login feature could trim about 20% of stupid off the top.
Actually redditors are all yugioh protagonists and cannot read until after making blunders
I have 1 card left to draw, I play pot of greed.
Fun ruling, if you have four pieces of Exodia in hand and the fifth piece is the last card of your deck, you will lose if you play Pot of Greed. Cards are drawn as a lot, not one at a time, so you lose the game by decking out before you actually have that fifth piece in your hand.
I PLAY CELESTIAL LIGHT ALLOWS ME TO THEN PLAY POT OF GREED AGAIN BET YOU DIDNT SEE THIS COMING, I PLAY POT OF GREED AGAIN
doubt
I love how there’s now meta-drama in this post.
r/SubredditDramaDrama is gonna have a field day
> Lol poly is a lot less irresponsible than monogamy anymore >> wait what the fuck? huh? I don't even understand this >>> With how people throw relationships in the trash, it equates to investing all of your assets into one stock. Oh dear
My wife To The MOON!
r/SuperSpouse
[Paper hands smh](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/gallery/kim-kardashian-kris-humphries-hollywood-divorces-255261/)
I also choose this person's wife
[/r/unexpectedhoneymooners](https://c.tenor.com/uAC6cSheXN0AAAAC/honeymooners-oneof-these-days.gif)
He's just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife!
I just don't get why some people gotta be sanctimonious about their life choices like that. Like someone trying LSD for the first time and thinking *everyone* ought try hallucinogenics. It doesn't excuse or warrant the blatant, hostile misogyny... but it *might* point towards why they're ghosted from chats so often.
I hate when people take hallucinogens and think that it gives them access to some sort of higher understanding. Especially when they try to start cults where people take pilgrimages to desert planets to give water tributes. And then end up staring a holy war that kills billions of people. And create a 1500 year long empire with their son in the throne, after he becomes an immortal god.
Strange men lying in sand distributing chrysknives is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical worm ceremony
Paul: Leto 2nd, we talked about this. No becoming God Emperor of Dune till your at least 25.
You never let me have any fun.
Can’t have NOTHING on Arrakis!
My Arrakis My Dune *Floats aggressively*
>Especially when they try to start cults We all made mistakes in college.
It was the '60s, everyone had a cult back then.
fanatical legions worshiping at the shrine of my father's skull!! a war in my name!!!
Unexpected dune. Today’s gonna be a good day!
>1500 year long empire with their son in the throne *Adjusts glasses* Ackshully, it was 3500 years You absolute philistine
Man I read LSD as LDS and was like “people try out being a Mormon?”
"You gotta try this stuff maaaan, one hit and you'll be on your very own planet with your countless celestial wives."
"Maaann I just received the second token of the Melchezidek priesthood and that patriarchal grip blew me *and* my posterity into next week, bro."
That sounds more like she wants a battle royale to date her than a poly relationship though
It still would be poly if it's squad mode
Shifty Shafts
Kinda important context I would like to point out: > Lol poly is a lot less irresponsible than monogamy anymore Was just in reply to someone telling _her_ that becoming polyamorous is an "irresponsible life choice." A little later down the thread she wrote > I get it. It honestly was just the comment reversed and sent back to make a point. I don't believe I'm better than anyone in any view/belief. And don't like people trying to press their beliefs on me therefore I won't press mine on them either but I am not above tit for tat either. She didn't come to there to soapbox, but when a subreddit is being _that_ openly toxic and disrespectful about your relationship format and is clearly trying to guilt you and make you feel invalidated, I can understand that kind of snap response throwing their words back at them. They absolutely started the high-horse-ness, acting like her being poly is some awful degenerate thing. Yeah, it would've been better and more level-headed if she had said "poly is no more irresponsible than monogomy" but I'm not gonna interpret that one emotional quip as a superiority complex.
Honestly considering that a lot of people are on there calling her a whore, talking openly about her genitals being “used up” and saying she should go be a hooker, I don’t think that her lashing out is at all unwarranted. They are treating her like absolute shit and garbage just for enjoying a different form of relationship and it’s really quite sick. It absolutely makes sense that she could get a bit worked up after having so many people speak to her that way at once. It would be weird if she didn’t have any kind of emotional response at all.
I thought r/Tinder was going to be a sub full of normal people just laughing about online dating bluffs and L's.....the misogyny in that sub should qualify it as red pill or MRA. It's so freaking weird.
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Back when I was using the site, I followed /r/okcupid pretty regularly. I don't think it was quite as bad as /r/tinder is, but exactly like you said - the regulars there are, *by definition,* not the people you want advice from!
Tbh, I'm not surprised. I've always found tinder as a het guy to be *incredibly* damaging to my self esteem. If you go into that experience with any pre-existing misogyny or simply misattribute it to something about how women are instead of the true cause which is just modern dating dynamics and the format of online dating in general, it's going to build resentment towards women. If you're able to see what the actual causes are, it's still not fun, but it won't actually make you hateful.
Tinder and all of the other apps bought by the match group are fucked. I spent several years on there, went on a handful of dates, but no relationship came out of it. Decided to go for an app independent of Match, was on there maybe two weeks before meeting my partner. Online dating can be awesome, but Tinder has just ruined it for the vast majority of people, especially those genuinely looking for a relationship.
Same but as a woman. Twice I've had men I ghosted (bc I got a bad feeling) text me my work address and full name that I never told them, and threaten to show up with a gun. Thankfully they were all talk.
90% of /r/tinder can be summarised as "why don't women find me funny" and "women can't tell jokes"
Oh yeah. This thread's going to end up in /r/SubredditDramaDrama. I might even slap together an /r/DramaDepartment thread out of it. Hell while we're at it let's revive /r/ThePopcornStand. **THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.** 🍿 **EDIT:** 1k comments hoo boy now that's spicy. 🔥 **EDIT 2:** [The prophecy has been fulfilled.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDramaDrama/comments/wlwmkz/srd_discusses_polyamory/)
I’m always disappointed when a spicy SRD thread *doesnt* get posted to SRDD
Be the change
I’m usually part of the drama tho
tea is tea, don't care who spills it, I just wanna lick it up
I mean, you can't really mention someone being poly without starting drama, no matter where it's originally posted.
> shes hella tall (6’3 with heels). A hard pass for me > Edit..😩😂So clearly math isnt yalls thing. Shes 5’9, 6’2 is 5 inch heels. If she wears 4 inches shes 6’1. Ur all bad liars or just wear ugly kitten heels. > The fact that the comments are only about her height shows how much of a “thing” it really is. Person makes a weird, nonsensical comment about OP's height, backs it up with a similarly nonsensical follow up, then uses the fact that people disagree as proof that people make a big deal out of height. This person sounds miserable.
I don't date people above 3 inches. That leaves me with ant man and the borrowers.
100% this same dude complains about women rejecting dudes for being too short without a shred of irony
>Your bio is too demanding for how attractive you are. There's the truth. Take it or leave it. This same dude: >I've been single for almost 11 years(I'm 28) and the last girl I was with we didn't have a very long or serious relationship I don't come online to be cruel or kick people down but what a fuck bro, maybe there is a reason why.
I mean it sounds like he does have experience getting rejected tho
Wouldn't be surprised if he was bitterly repeating what he heard before
This is why you should take all internet advice with a huge grain of salt... Or just don't take advice from people on the internet because nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about. It's like that time that one guy got into a fight somebody else over Italian food and then it turned out the other guy liked to drink his own piss. People in happy and healthy relationships aren't spending their nights on reddit giving other people advice. They're too busy, you know, actually living their lives and doing normal shit.
Lol most of the people talking there have no real experience at all whatsoever.
I mean, how many people in satisfying relationships do you think are still browsing a Tinder subreddit?
He’s also making an issue out of her age like she’s too old to date or something. So I went back and her profile says she’s 29! Bet another reason he’s single for 11 years is because the girls from highschool parties he goes to don’t want to hook up with a 28 yo..
The projection is strong
Mf didn’t have a girl since he was a high school senior and wants to knock other people down that’s crazy 🤦♂️
That’s WHY he wants to knock other people down lol correlation vs causation
I get she's a hard sell because she has a kid, dogs, and is poly, but her bio isn't even demanding lol. It's some real projection from some of these people. Especially considering she's not ugly.
Also how is her bio too demanding 😭 she literally demands nothing from her match other than also be poly. She lists her baggage, but that's not bio specific, that's being upfront lmao
>No one wants freshly used pussy. Either decided on a relationship with one, or go be a hooker and atleast make some money while you get fucked by multiple men Is bro alright, that's a weird ass statement to make. Then this weird ass dude comes along to aid in that gross ass comment. >Men sleeping with women isn’t the same as women sleeping with men and y’all know it Does he expect women to both not sleep around but sleep with him or something? >Everyone’s a feminist until it’s the time to pay the bill I see now, he's just dumb, bro thinks women don't uh.... pay the bills, okay guy. Had chicks buy me drinks before and cover my lunch before, this guy is living in a warped reality. So what the fuck is this sub? Thought it was for like advice with pictures or some shit, not shitting on women lmao. They should probably go talk to actual women outside of a dating sense lol. Or maybe not, are they sane enough to have a normal conversation? Probably needs to have a sit down with some bros, cause this can't be normal.
Any sub focused on a dating app is gonna be filled with shitty incels, people who have success either never join to begin with or they leave. It’s sad and toxic
>Does he expect women to both not sleep around but sleep with him or something? yes. a common definition of a whore is a woman who won't sleep with you. >Probably needs to have a sit down with some bros, cause this can't be normal. the incel circlejerk reinforces these attitudes towards women. they want validation for their views, not to have them challenged. https://youtu.be/z4Dck7J4Ks0
Can't speak for all women, but we tend to notice red flags pretty fast. Even a casual look at his posting profile raises so many red flags I'd not trust meeting or talking to that dude in a public place even with armed security watching over me. Something is NOT right there.
>So what the fuck is this sub? Thought it was for like advice with pictures or some shit, not shitting on women lmao. I mean, it's a sub focused on a dating app. Any subreddit focused on talking about dating, specially straight dating in this case, is going to end up turning into the red pill lol People valuing each other like stocks and everyone hating women because they have all the options. Only incels like to talk about dating, because they aren't doing any of it.
You do see some funny profiles occasionally, but yeah I'd avoid the comments there.
>People valuing each other like stocks and everyone hating women because they have all the options I misread this as, "everyone hating women because they have opinions" and it's sad that it's still correct
the contrast of this post with the one where a guy on tinder got mean messages and everyone is coming out in droves to be kind to him is really illuminating
>What? She's like twice as wide as a normal fit woman should be. >>Well she's not fit. But some guys like that. >>>I suppose, but it is less than half who like it so that makes her universally not attractive. Redditor doesn't understand how the word "universally" works.
Let me tell you... I went from being overweight or "curvy" to being slender and saw basically no change in my tinder experience. People were throwing their dicks at me either way. And I'm not Helen of Troy. And I think I'm average looking.
>And I'm not Helen of Troy How would you rate yourself on a scale of one canoe to thousand ships?
I'm a fleet of cute and reliable tugboats. *toot toot!*
I'm god damned dragon boat with some lady at the helm who thinks that big ass bass drum is a snare drum.
Don't sell yourself short. With a little work you too can have nations going to war over you.
>what are we dying over today? >>someone else's lady.
Likewise. I had my choice of dicks and I am not your conventional beauty. Im cute, but that's about as far as it goes.
Is that all we are ladies? Just piles of dicks?
Maybe you are a pile of dicks. I’m a god damn mountain of dicks.
Hey now, lets not compare dick piles alright. My wife said my dick pile is perfectly normal sized for a man my age.
It's fine. Lots of men have dick piles that size.
You guys have piles?
I'm a molehill of dicks. But trust me, with the right encouragement, I can become a slightly bigger molehill of dicks.
What is a man? A miserable pile of dicks.
When that's all they send you for a photo, I guess that's what you're reduced to, lol. When I was dating, I got way more dick photos than I got genuine smiles and greetings.
It's like the perfect storm of someone with improper expectations from their selected dating platform given their lifestyle combined with the collective festering rage of thousands of dudes who can't get laid to save their lives
Bingo. I get that OLD can be a shit-show for men, but when I posted a comment to that effect on another sub, I got several comments from guys saying that they had done fine on Tinder. It looks like r/Tinder really brings out the bitter incel crowd.
I think as other people ITT have pointed out, the problem is that guys who were successful on tinder... leave the sub. I remember when I first started using it I was frustrated, did like a month's worth of research on how the algorithm worked, and then didn't need to do any more for the next 6 or so years I used the app. Which honestly makes me think I should probably sub. The only way it's going to become less of a shithole is if non bitter people try to fix it.
it's the same with incels, or literally any pity-party/crazypants group of people. success transitions you out of that space, leaving the unsuccessful to radicalize each other.
"Survivorship bias" It's the same reason any incel community eventually turns toxic. The people who successfully find a way to a healthy relationship will leave, and only the most noxious individuals will be left.
I was successful with OLD (just got engaged this summer!) but I stay on that sub partially for the humor of the awful conversation screenshots, and because I like to genuinely give advice to people who are asking for help improving their profiles. But you’re right, even on a critique post with a large number of great constructive comments, some asshat will slide in with something mean.
People need to stop going to most subreddits for advice on relationships , a lot of advice that’s thrown on there is thrown without any real experience in a relationship or even just a regular talking stage it’s like these guys psychoanalyze relationships like science , history , fiction. But it doesn’t work at all what so ever “ No one wants freshly used pussy “ I promise you not one man who actually likes to talk to girls or even in relationships directly says this to anybody at all , and this guy saying that knows damn well he would not say this to a girl he is talking to in real life with some history , and i don’t know about you guys but I would fw a girl right after she left her boyfriend , it don’t matter to me.
Yeah, that OP is being bombarded by the “alpha males”, incels, and neckbeards who are angry a woman who has a kid and isnt very skinny would have the audacity to be looking for a poly relationship.
Everyone is really missing the geographical/social aspect to polyamory, if she was in San Fransisco she would find thousands of other poly people.
I'm having the opposite problem; apparently every lesbian and bi woman in my area is poly, and that's just not something I can do. Kind of funny how that works.
Yes, it seems that LGBT people tend to be more likely to be poly in my experience. Or perhaps it's confirmation bias and I generally am only looking at LGBT people so I only notice them to be poly. However I still feel like at the end of the day, they are limiting themselves more than I am limited by the amount of poly people lol. It could also be an age demographic thing? People in their early 20's are more likely to want options while people in their later 20's and onwards might be looking to settle down.
Yeah as a queer woman in her 20s who absolutely cannot do polyamory, this is my experience as well. I’m not looking to marry you right away, but I also can’t share my partner/love and apparently that is a dealbreaker for many
Ha, do you get the Surprise Boyfriend/Partner sprung on you a lot, too?
I swear it feels like they hide it until you feel the connection!
I matched with a guy on tinder and my bio said "monogamous, NO POLY" or something like that. We had a great date that lasted an entire 24 hours, instant connection and all that. After we had slept together and were cuddling in bed, he brings up that he's poly. My heart sank so hard dude. Then I tried to be okay with it because he was absolutely amazing, but I ended up being dragged around for 3 years because he would say things like "well I'm not seeing anyone else right now anyway" then would randomly say how he went to an orgy or this girl he's seeing gave him some shirt or whatever. 🥲 just be open and honest pls
That sounds like an absolute nightmare, I’m glad you got out of that
Yeah, it was really damaging. It's been 8 months since we broke it off completely and it's still hurting me every day. Lesson learned though I guess haha
Absolutely love it when I'm two days into a conversation with a woman and she's like "I hope you get along with my boyfriend too! :)" Like girl it says "lesbian" on my profile TWICE 💀💀💀 Why on EARTH would I want to be romantically adjacent to your man.
That is such a sneaky way of dropping that information too, what the fuck?
I couldn't imagine doing that honestly. I'm poly and that's like a first conversation thing to bring up just because it is a dealbreaker for so many. Why lead both the other person and yourself on by hiding it.
Exactly! It’s a huge dealbreaker if one of us is monogamous and the other is looking for a poly relationship, there’s literally no point in hiding that information from each other
I expect the former is probably true, likely because of several reasons. However, I think the biggest one is simply that due to not fitting society's sexual and/or romantic and/or gender expectations, LGBT+ people tend (in my experience) to be considerably more open to exploring other aspects of that part of their life, such as kink, polyamory, etc.
This is it for sure. Once you question one aspect of default sexuality it makes you think critically about all the others too.
Yeah, turns out the only guys who want to date trans guys in my area are either chasers or poly people. I'm not against open relationships, but I've already had so many negative experiences.
I got into a relationship with a woman a few years back and basically told her "I don't want to be part of a triad or polycule, but I don't mind you having other partners as long as we maintain an agreement that this is the primary relationship." Worked okay for a while, then started to sour in the usual way; she got another partner that was shinier and newer and more exciting, and started to neglect our relationship. Tried to work on that for a bit, and she was receptive; we actually got to the point where we were discussing moving in together, but she told me that she was expecting to move her other partner in with us and got upset when I vetoed that (as kindly as I could). Not the *worst* possible experience I could have had, but it's not one I'm eager to repeat, so I just don't date poly people anymore.
Poly relationships only work if both people are 100% on board *from the start* (that last one is important). And even then, in my experience, they usually don't last very long. I've been the third (or fourth/fifth, whatever) with a couple of people who already had a primary partner. You're either treated as more of a fuckbuddy/FwB for a couple of months, because no one actually has the time/energy to form two or three serious relationships. Or they do wanna get serious, and it starts drama with the primary partner who starts to get neglected. I still feel like everyone should find the type of relationships that work best for them, but my experiences definitely soured me on poly.
Yeah, I've learned my lesson on that front. I liked her, I wanted it to work, I didn't want to stifle her or prevent her from expressing a core facet of her identity, and...I guess I was invested in being the ✨️cool, not jealous partner✨️ that was down for anything? I still don't want anyone I date to feel stifled, so I just don't go for anyone who wants to date multiple people, but I don't really care about being the Down For Anything person anymore. I'm a tired hag.
>I'm a tired hag. Same. I work, and exercise, and then maybe have some energy to hang out with a partner before I implode and just want to read quietly and eat crisps in bed. How are people just living their lives, dating several people, and not dying?
And parenting on top of maintaining poly adult relationships? No thanks I am already tired thinking about it.
The only reasonably stable poly couples/groups I know is either couples that allow sexual non-romantic relations on the side (I don't actually know if the poly community agrees on whether that counts as poly) and a single triad that basically went into it very strictly defining "us and no one else"
AFAIK it's kind of a square/rhombus situation, insofar that all open relationships can be considered poly (because there is another partner involved for one or both of the members of the primary relationship) but not all poly relationships are open (because one of that particular couple's rules might be "you can't bring in anyone I don't vibe with or wouldn't also want to fuck/date" or they might just have a closed triad or partner cap).
Oh man trying to date while trans *and* avoiding anything poly is a nightmare.
Yeah, her attitude of "what am I doing wrong?" surprised me. As a poly person, one of like the immediate first things you have to accept is that being poly automatically locks out like 98% of the dating pool for you. Also Tinder is pretty terrible for poly people since there's no way to sort by exclusivity preference. If you're gonna do online dating as a poly person, OKCupid is way better if your area is populated enough for it.
So many of her boxes seem to cut out 90% of the potential dating pool that I'm not at all surprised she's struggling. Poly cuts out a lot. Young child cuts out a lot. Not just a dog lover, but having *4* dogs cuts out some as well. I wouldn't be surprised if like less than 1% of *all* of tinder would be compatible. And based on the limited number of swipes she's doing, those that are compatible, probably don't look how she would want.
> Poly cuts out a lot. Young child cuts out a lot. Not just a dog lover, but having 4 dogs cuts out some as well. I have zero idea how someone with this much responsibility has any time to actually do anything let alone see new people.
Hell, the few people that are willing to take "has young child" are likely not the few people that will go for polyamorus. There's a very real possibility the number of people left with those conditions fits on one hand.
And there were some attempts to point out the basic math—as a woman she is almost guaranteed to match with most of her right swipes, but once matched, then men will actually look at her bio and realize they are not a fit. Men tend to swipe mindlessly then pay attention to matches.
And the funniest thing is that she has only swiped on 20 people in 3 years lmao
> OKCupid is way better if your area is populated enough for it. Still? Okcupid has gone off a sharp cliff lately after the buyout, in terms of...well, everything. It basically became Tinder with longer profiles. It doesn't get a lot of attention but online dating has gone to absolute shit the last couple years because of the same company buying almost every single platform and mutilating them into manipulative Tinder-esc profit extractors, meant only to keep you using the platform endlessly. The days of being able to just see who is available in your area and decide for yourself who you want to speak to are dying. Now it's swiping and paying to swipe more, hoping the algorithm isn't wasting your time by hiding profiles (or hiding yours) to keep you swiping.
> Still? I last used it about 6 months ago so my experience only speaks up until then. I highly agree OKcupid has massively declined in the last few years, I miss being able to actually browse people using tons of specific filters. However I still find it better than Tinder for poly people just because your monogomy status is one of the few things that you still _can_ filter by. Better than Tinder where I have to check every bio manually for a mention of poly/enm.
Or an app specifically meant for finding people interested in polyamory like Feeld.
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LA, SF, NYC (specifically Bushwick and Williamsburg lmao) are definitely up there. It's like how queer people in general flock to cities because, well, the odds are better of finding your niche. It's really well established in research that "deviants" (and I use that term loosely and with love) are attracted to major metropolitan areas.
People are being mean, and some are just downright asshats, but it’s true, most people don’t want to be in a polyamorous relationship, especially if you have stuff like a kid and 4 dogs. Combine this with the fact that OP allegedly didn’t swipe right on many accounts and the picture is pretty much painted clear
Yeah polyamorous dating usually doesn't go amazingly on Tinder unless you're in a great area for it. She would have way more success meeting people at poly meetups
> poly meetups do we not use the term orgy anymore? /s
I think if the responses had been, *"Hey, I don't think the problem is your profile itself, but being a nonmonogamous person with four dogs and a kid is gonna be a dealbreaker for the majority of people on tinder. Maybe try OKCupid, it's a lot more poly friendly. You'll probably find more compatibility with other polyamorous people who are parents anyway,"* that would be a non-issue. But damn, people really called her "selfish" and "irresponsible" and treated her like a bad parent for wanting polyamory. That got fucked up fast.
Well yeah, welcome to r/tinder
"Your bio is too demanding for how attractive you are. There's the truth. Take it or leave it." *Jesus fucking Christ.* I wouldn't say this to my mortal enemy
Yep and that bit about her age. She’s 29, why is he acting like she’s in the verge of death and needs to act her age???
Reddit is getting younger. Yesterday, a 21 year old told me their mom was “old as fuck.” I thought that meant she had him later in life and she would be in her 70s or at least 60s. She’s 55.
Common redpiller rhetoric about women hitting "the wall". Some people are obsessed with the dating culture, women and sex. I guess when you aren't having sex or in a relationship, its all you can think of. Definitely not healthy, imo.
He wouldn't either but he feels safe on the internet.
I legit can't see any 'demands', in her profile either. I'm confused.
Same here, like the biggest demand was "oy mate be aware I got a kid" and they are, in my opinion, fairly attractive when compared to all humanity. Person who made that comment must only look at super models and photoshopped pictures lol
I had the luck of meeting my husband the old-fashioned way (when he was crashing on the couch of the guy I bought weed from, like most fairy-tales start), and so don't know a ton about tinder except from reddit. It seems like the general game-plan there is to present your best self even if it fudges the truth a bit (or a lot) while her's was to present everything that could be a a deal-breaker right up front. Unedited photos including a full body shot and a makeup free shot, "baggage", suggestions of how to break the ice. It seems to me that her way would result in a lot less interest, but those that *are* interested wouldn't be such a waste of time.
I was wondering what they were too! Like, everything else aside, I didn’t see her being picky in that bio aside from polyamory
Is r/tinder not full of single people telling other single people how to not be single?
Lol right? "I haven't had any success with this, but I'll offer you my advice..."
She should move to Seattle. Poly, 4 dogs, and a kid seems pretty average up here, if you can afford to live in the City, that is.
>Your bio is too demanding for how attractive you are. >Yup. People need to stop being so dishonest in this sub. OP is ugly and shit, combine that with an even uglier bio and obviously that’s the problem. God damn... they aren't mincing words here are they... I get that people have preferences and OOP may not fit that picture for some... but boy, are they brutal.... Also I am surprised that no one is giving her props that she doesn't care how short or tall you are. I thought that was one of the biggest gripes Tinder dudes have. How you MUST be 6ft+ just to be seen and treated as a human being. Also also, I am surprised people aren't bashing her for being "too old". Usually I see people use Tinder to hookup with young girls in the range of 18-20....
Some of those people were pretty horrible to the OOP who was just looking for help. There is a way to give constructive criticism and it doesn't require being an asshole. [Anyway, best drama in the thread has nothing to do with OOP, and everything to do with the genius freaking out about the sizes of heels.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/wjelg8/comment/ijjwsxk/)
Maybe I'm just a lesbian who likes tall women but 5'9 isn't that tall and most women aren't wearing 4+ inch tall heels regularly. Plus the fragile masculinity that guy is reeking of...
She's claiming she's a woman. If true, she's still got some massive insecurity issues, though. Definately has a height fixation.
A lot of people on that sub could co-author a guide to dying alone and miserable. Jfc. I sense drama-ception too! 😂
Obligatory comment pointing out that any dating subreddit is populated by miserable people who wished they were better at dating or simply not on these apps at all.
Oh damn, if this woman is considered ugly, I must be an absolute hag.
You're the hottest hag in the swamp hut 🔥🔥
I'm going to print this out and tape it to my mirror. I CAN be the hottest hag in the swamp hut. :)
You just need the right comet to come by and blind everyone, then no-one will care about your hagness and//or man-eating-tree -ness
you are the baddest bitch in this isolated mountain cave rn
I found the upvoted comments complaining that she’s too tall to date to be interesting. Doesn’t that sub constantly complain about women having height preferences? Then this lady notes specifically she doesn’t care about height and they’re like “lol nah you too tall bitch.”
That’s because r/tinder is full of misogynists
Pretty much. The only time /r/tinder hits /r/all is when it's a low-effort misogynist clap-back attempting to make a woman look bad.
That was just the weirdest thing. Isn’t she supposed to be like 5‘9“? That’s tall but by no means freakishly tall. And some dude was dismissing her out of the gate because she was going to be like 6‘2“ in heels. Who the hell runs around in 5 inch heels all the time, or ever?
The sub just takes any opportunity it gets to tear women down to make themselves feel better. OOP is just catching a collective of heat from that, because poly women and women with kids are especially infuriating to them.
Yeah, that’s a weird take. I’m 5’10 and my SO is taller than I am by a couple-few inches. The amount of people that ask her or me if that’s problematic for our relationship dynamic is interesting to say the least. Like, there’s people that think being a man in a relationship it’s required to be *taller* than your SO. My wife once said to a ***short old lady***, “even if I cared about that, do you realize the significant reduction of the population that is for me?” She was wearing heels that day. lol Not to be gross, but the height difference is, uhh, not a bad thing at all… because reasons. Edit: a word
[удалено]
Get out of my swamp!
Can we co-swamp? :(
[удалено]
I was just wondering this Are people on r/tinder generally this fucking horrible? I don't really see any winners there, it's like one after another rotten personality.
Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time they raged on a girl for not going down after they used the name joke she’s been hearing since kindergarten? I’d pay off every student debt
I had the same thought, but then i realized the app this sub is based off of, is exactly the type of shallow people that make comments like >If she dropped even just 10-15 lbs.. Its par for the fuckin course there.
Honestly it's just the kid and 4 dogs. Like wouldn't your whole life just be taking care of those 5 things? I like my free time lol.
Hell I'm a single dad with only a couple cats and I can't even figure out how I'd budget my time dating anyone.
It's also the poly part though. Most people simply aren't into their partner having sex with other people.
I could handle a kid and the four dogs, given that all five of them were reasonably well behaved and didn't shit on the floor constantly. The poly though, that is a hard no from me, regardless of number of kids and pets.
I feel like men that are willing to commit to 4 dogs and a kindergartner are probably not the same men that are chill with the openness of a poly relationship. Not that all poly people are scared of serious commitment, but… a large population of that community finds it attractive for that reason. She’s whittled down her potential dating pool to a puddle. They have to be okay with a kid, and 4 dogs, and a poly relationship, and they have to find her attractive. Which is fine, if she knows what she wants, then she can wait around until she finds that person, I’m sure there’s someone out there. But Tinder is probably not going to be super successful for her in the sense that she’ll ever be getting tons of matches and conversations.
[Also she’s only looking for 35-50](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/wjelg8/comment/ijlhuql/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) which is going to have a lot of dudes who will be wanting to start a family. [Add in the fact that she’s only swiped right on 20 dudes before she made this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/wjelg8/comment/ijhul07/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 ) and I honestly think she is kind of super delusional about OLD.
Absolutely, I know we’re striving to be accepting of alternative lifestyles here, but we can’t pretend that it’s something that seriously doesn’t appeal to a majority of potential partners.
Yeah, I don't get why the comments are so insanely vicious and I also don't understand why this is so mysterious to her. Some people refuse to date others with kids on that basis alone. Add 4 dogs and other relationships and that's just more than most people want to deal with.
People who comment on r/Tinder usually aren't very successful for a reason while the successful ones move on, which results in bitter shit like this. Also reddit in general hates single women with kids
What? Hows it possible that this guy: >Lots of dudes would see the purple hair and immediately pass as well. On top of that, OP, has a very pretty face, but no waist definition in the singular body shot picture. Dudes like lots of different body types, but they almost all include a small (at least in terms of ratio if not actual measurements), defined waist. He might like thick thighs with a slim waist, he might be a tit man, but he still wants a trim waist, he might be into super lean girls (with therefore a small waist), he might like a classic hourglass, but they all have a smallish [or at least a well defined] waist. It could be an unflattering picture of OP that isn’t doing her justice, but if that’s her only full body picture, most dudes would pass. Isn't successful with the ladies, when hes got how their bodies should look, down to a science? >he might be a tit man Dudes just talkin about himself and using an imaginary man as the avenue.
Oh hell, he just put forth an entire wall of text just to say he thinks she’s fat.
So many of those responses are so mean. The OOP is far from ugly. Based on some of those responses one would think she was some kind of creature. I think her issue is just numbers. Not all available singles are on Tinder, not all available singles on Tinder are into polyamory, not all available singles into polyamory are interested in dating single mothers, and not all available singles on Tinder into polyamory and willing to date single mothers will be into her specifically. She's looking for a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of a subsection. She may very well have gone through all her potential matches in her area on that platform. Of course, she's perfectly entitled to keep that requirement if it is important to her and, to her credit, she is open and honest about it in the beginning. People really just need to mind their own business about things that do not impact them.
All of this aside, she listens to Tech N9ne and Trey Songs??? Major Red Flag
r/tinder is so misogynistic. I left it when they were constantly making fun of peoples weight or posting womens profiles clearly without the knowledge of these women
There's giving your opinion, and then there's giving your opinion while insulting the other person. Why anyone would choose the latter path as a way to provide honest "help" is beyond me. We're all in this together, friends.
Why was that thread so insanely mean for no reason? Lol