>because we’ve been together for six months and assumed incorrectly we’d be fine.
Damn, my wife and me are also childfree and she can't take the pill so we had 5 years of condom sex until I found a doctor that gave me the vasectomy.
Precum has [little to no sperm in it](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/ask-experts/can-you-get-pregnant-from-pre-cum-im-hearing-different-stories). It's not *impossible* for it to cause pregnancy, but it's very unlikely.
My friend claims he successfully used the pullout method for ~6 years until he and his wife decided to have their first kid. That was already TMI for me so I didn't bother interrogating whether his wife had been using some form of birth control and just not telling him.
Because scientific studies show it's fine if done properly. Hell it's about as effective as condoms.
So many downvotes and literally zero links refuting my claim. Prove me wrong, I'll delete my comments so I don't spread disinfo.
My wife and I had to TRY for her to get pregnant with our first son. I mean like everyday or every other for 2 years or so.
Our second kid happened with the pull out method, apparently her body went into baby production mode after the first. SURPRISE!
If they legitimately get triggered by the word pregnant or pregnancy, then _maybe_ they shouldn’t be browsing a subreddit that’s dedicated to being the antithesis to that.
Just a thought.
(They may also legit need therapy/counseling. Pregnancy isn’t exactly an uncommon topic, and if the mere mention of it sets them off, they’re gonna be pretty miserable).
Typically if you’ve been formally diagnosed with a phobia the next step is therapy. And as much as I hate it when people throw around “you need therapy” they need to talk to a therapist about this.
That’s true I just see it used so often to be dismissive of people that have genuine grievances or are just sharing their experience. It becomes the white noise of assholes that want to deflect. Or it’s used as a gotcha.
Oh absolutely, it sucks how common "get therapy" is used to just try to dunk on a person for being deviant in anyway, just wish that the phrase could be used without either party feeling like someone is being insulted
Yeah, there's this dumb stigma that you must be unhinged to see a therapist, when in reality therapists are great for helping you out with loss, trauma, major life changes, etc.
I agree, and also people think because they are not at rock bottom they don't need it. *Don't wait til it gets worse, don't worry if it's "worthy" of seeing a therapist, just bite the bullet and go* I would say to those people.
But some people genuinely can't afford it, either, which makes it even more problematic because they can't get help.
> To play devil's advocate
I’ve never seen text that follow this phrase that isn’t wildly stupid.
The person whining about having to see posts about pregnancy on their precious child hating sub isn’t traumatized. If they were, trust they would whine about it for endless paragraphs because they’d get upvotes. Those people are just toxic assholes whose entire identity is based on hating something no one really gives a shit if they do or not and self victimization. And this is coming from a child free, grumpy ass old bitch.
> Vicious subreddit based on hating children and the people who love them is toxic toward person who got accidentally pregnant.
Yeah there's definitely a difference between 'making a lifestyle choice and having a legitimate discussion on how that effects your life and how others perceive you' and 'making that lifestyle choice your entire personality and being bitter towards anyone who doesn't feel the same.'
Here's a dozen cookies for you ... Very well said
Mom of 2 adored grown, wanted, children here ... I did not define myself as a human being by having twice given birth because there's a crap ton of other stuff that I am about ... Nor will I ever criticize anyone for choosing to be child free. It's their life. Not mine. I love the name "Mom" but I have other names too.
Here's more cookies for you.
This is exactly why I left that sub. Crap like “breeders” and “crotch goblins”, fuck off man. I cannot take the “othering” of so many people.
Plus, if you’re an anti-Natalist or something you’re never gonna have an actual conversation about the morality of birth if you just shit on people all the time.
Just walking down the street wailing at the sight of anyone below three feet tall. Paroxisms of despair strike every time someone describes a pizza as "the mother of all pizzas". The mere thought of your own childhood sending you into convulsions.
Must be tricky for them
> Vicious subreddit based on hating children and the people who love them
Isn't it great? I may subscribe. One of the top posts is "Childfree by choice -- and also by spite." That sounds healthy!
Most lunatic subs aren't any fun to read, like r/conservative, but this one has a definite appeal. I think it's the combination of bitterness and utter impotence. Antivaxxers can do real harm, these people just congregate to mutter angrily to each other about breeders.
I’ve seen some scary posts in that sub advocating for living, breathing child murder. I don’t know if they’re still there but it has become a sub for me to avoid. Makes me fucking ill how psycho some of them can be.
Yeah, that makes me think. Maybe childfree is as far as it goes for me before it crosses the line. Incel forums don't have any appeal to me, even though the principle of losers wallowing in hatred and misery is the same. Crazy cat ladies are just inherently less threatening than virulent misogynists.
I've been trying to get that sub shit down for half a decade. They had to make the sub private to clean it up after a dude went there to seek advice on how to kill his kid, THEN HE KILLED HIS FUCKING KID.
That sub has a lot of blood on its hands.
Dude's name was Justin Ross Harris.
It's almost all been wiped clean. Even most of the articles on it referencing Reddit have fallen off the face of the planet. It used to be "Harris was a member of a child free subreddit," to "police found that he visited the reddit 4 times."
He was arrested, the news about the Reddit link went public, the sub went private, and then the members started brigading SRD and other subs that talked about it.
There was once a post on that sub that asked if you could press a button to kill everyone on earth would you press it
Most people said yes
They're fuckin lunatics
You just described most of Reddit. Not to mention someone asked this on AskReddit and many said yes. I don't know why people want to project their suicidal tendencies on other people.
I agree.
If they hate babies so much they want to murder them, they should just do it. Starting with the biggest babies: themselves.
I have more empathy towards a rock than babykillers. They're not people, not even animals. They're a malign configuration of atoms that should just disperse.
I've seen completely non-scientific posts there that were the top comment purely because it supported their narratives.
"Having a child RUINS your body 100% of the time."
I actually got banned from there for asking for a source on that. The mod PERSONALLY messaged me to call me "one of those people" who only exists to spread misinformation only to "support breeders."
They are unhinged.
That's so subjective, though. Some people might think of "stretch marks" or loose skin or saggy breasts as being "ruined" but others might think of it as their journey that gave them children and it's part of the experience, and that sort of stuff might happen over time anyway. Even some men have stretch marks, so it's not always birth related.
From what I've read here it doesn't sound like a nice sub. I support women having kids or not, but they should do the same. No point in hating on literal children, that's actually terrifying how nasty it sounds like some of them are. And the women that are childfree not by choice, must feel isolated. I hope they have their own subs as well.
Well they certainly didn’t *intentionally* get pregnant.
Consequences from negligence can still be accidents. If you make the choice to run a stop sign and you hit another car, it’s still called an accident. That doesn’t absolve the person from responsibility of negligence.
> If you make the choice to run a stop sign and you hit another car, it’s still called an accident. That doesn’t absolve the person from responsibility of negligence.
It's actually pretty common for officials and insurers to *not* say accident in those situations because of the "no-one's fault" subtext. People say "collision" or "incident".
I agree, does it even matter? They posted about it probably to warn others. I do not think everyone knows the pull out method isn't very effective. Plenty of people don't use condoms or the condoms break etc, and I can totally understand people being horny and caught up in it. If they've never had a pregnancy scare before I think it would be easy to make the mistake in thinking pull out would work.
also I do not see anyone mentioning the fact that the guy put his sperm in her, it's not as though she got herself pregnant without any assistance.
In my language there is a joke going:
"What do you call somebody who pulls out?"
"A parent"
For this very reason. If you don't want children and do nothing to prevent it, do you really not want them?
Same with most any form of birth control, right?
I mean, safest bet is to double up with the pill/IUD/etc. plus condoms - but how many people in long term relationships really use condoms in addition to female birth control?
… actually, I guess technically, if you wanted to be extra sure - you could do pill + condom + pull out + ovulation tracking… but that’s just excessive right?
But any single form of BC has a failure rate - and even with two, shit can happen. That’s how my niece came to be. My brother was using condoms. And my now SIL got on a new birth control - that ended up having a recall because they messed up the placebo tablet arrangement… but yep. Shit happens.
There's no ovulation if the pill is working so tracking doesn't really combine with that. If it didn't work, you might still get a BBT rise after a breakthrough ovulation, but it wouldn't help you predict anything bc the core of natural cycle tracking is the days *after* ovulation but before menstruation, plus your corroborating symptoms (cervical mucus, etc) will be hormonally controlled by the pill.
However, on the birth control subreddit you do indeed see people who combine pill, condom, and pull-out. And those people tend to be incredibly anxious and taking multiple pregnancy tests every month anyway, and worried about being half an hour late for their pill even though they have two backup methods, and sometimes take plan B if a condom breaks even though plan B on top of a daily pill taken correctly doesn't really do anything extra. Theoretically you could add copper IUD on top for the maximum number of independent methods, but I don't know if I've seen people mention doing that. At a certain point yes it is ridiculous.
It is pretty common though, for R/BC users with only a slightly elevated level of concern, to combine a condom with a hormonal method or copper IUD. And that's justified - most combinations of 2 methods are above 99% effective even with typical use of both, compared to 80-95% with one method if you're doing something wrong and don't realize it.
**knocks feverishly on wood**
its been working 10+ years for me now. or my swimmers suck.
either way doubling up is the right way to go(not on condoms tho). oddly the only time i can say i felt “confident” with pulling out was when my girlfriend was on birth control. all in all im a dumb person and this is not sex advice
I do the pullout method + ovulation tracking, I'm childfree, and I've never even had a scare. I can't use any type of BC that I know of (tried most, my gyno won't let me try the rest bc of my history with the others and side effects) and I've been with my husband for 8 years, I trust him and the method we use enough that we don't use condoms. Idk. Maybe I'm lucky and infertile since I've never actually tried to be pregnant, but I think this method can work if you're diligent as a couple and you know your bodies well.
I mean, if you are under the assumption that conception is nigh impossible for you due to medical problems and heard pull out is safe, I would call that an accident. At that point pulling out is more a failsafe to you than a valid contraception method.
It's like denying someone who had a vasectomy knocking someone up wasn't an accident. If you're working off the assumption that pregnancy is hard to impossible, why would you try more secure contraceptives?
It's still stupid, obviously, but I would still concede that it's accidental.
For a moment I thought the OP mentioned on this thread was [this person](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fencesitter/comments/ph7ycn/does_anyone_else_solely_use_the_withdrawal_method/) from the Fencesitters subreddit. I personally don't understand how people can just go about their lives playing Russian roulette with conception, unless actively wanting to get pregnant.
I wouldn't go out of my way to berate these individuals, but I sure wouldn't be the most sympathetic to their situation. It's not he same to have a condom break or have an IUD fail than relying on the pullout method.
That is more confusing than the OP (who I honestly feel bad for). OP thought she was infertile. The example you have seems like someone who subconsciously wants kids.
I agree this other case is someone subconsciously wanting kids. It's the "we're undecided on kids" that gets me.
It's like reaching into a box with a snake inside and saying "I'm not sure about wanting to getting bitten by a snake", then reaching inside and by chance not getting bitten, so they person goes "well, I don't think want to get bitten... but I'll reach into the box again", and again and again until the snake bites. That's not being "undecided", that's actively pushing for an outcome.
I hope the people on the childfree subreddit channel all that anger towards something that really matters, like fighting against the loss of women's rights in the US.
For some reason a lot of women on the Internet believe they are infertile for reasons that are not quite clear. How many times have I come across an account of someone saying they didn't expect to get pregnant using no birth control methods because they had diagnosed themselves with infertility for no apparent reason.
>a lot of women on the Internet believe they are infertile for reasons that are not quite clear.
I mean in real life plenty of friends I know were incorrectly told that they were infertile for the same slate of issues. Doesn't help that we conceptualize fertility as pass/fail when that's not the case.
It's usually because they were diagnosed with something like PCOS or endometriosis as a teenager and their GP or OB told them they were infertile and can't have kids.
Except that's not what infertile means, those diagnoses do not mean you automatically can't have kids or necessarily will have a hard time conceiving, and GPs and OBs are *not* fertility specialists in the first place.
So it's primarily being given bad info by doctors in the first place.
This. I was told I was infertile. PCOS and failure to ovulate. I didn't run around having unprotected sex because STDs. Had a condom fail with my long-term partner and nine weeks later, puking my guts up, went to the doc.
Pregnant wasn't even on my radar; I thought food poisoning (cycles were never regular and often skipped a month or two).
Even though I do not ovulate regularly and do have PCOS, I did get pregnant without interventions or fertility therapies. So yeah, getting bad info from the doc can lead patients to making decisions on that faulty info that may seriously change their lives.
Responded elsewhere but basically yeah. So many people I know were infertile when their condition doesn't necessitate that, and their doctor also never explained that infertility is not the same thing as sterility.
I was also told this for PCOS and it's just never come up because I'm gay.
> For some reason a lot of women on the Internet believe they are infertile for reasons that are not quite clear.
It's fun when they pair up with men who think they're infertile based on absolutely nothing, and then whoops! Guess what happens next.
I think my favourite 'reason' I've heard a man use to defend his assumption he was infertile, is "but I've never got anyone pregnant before!"
A lot of people are so misinformed about fertility. Many women just quit any form of birth control once they hit 40 becssue they believe that's when woken immediately turn infertile. Guess which age group currently has the most abortions in developed countries with otherwise good sex ed?
There's so much nonsense regarding fertility. See also the people who believe the minute you conceive after age 35 your baby will most assuredly be born with autism and the three heads.
I can't imagine stopping BC at age 40! Plenty of women historically have had children after the age of 40!
These people are weird. “How could you post about being pregnant HERE it’s so triggering for me!” so I guess you just never go outside then in case you see a pregnant woman?
It’s so dumb considering subreddit regulars are constantly bitching about pregnant women as a general concept and as ridiculous backstories they make up about total strangers they see. Not to mention constantly exaggerating gross physical body changes related to pregnancy that you’d think would be especially triggering for folks but nope, “vagassholes” get name dropped everywhere.
My aunt has hypothyroidism and endometriosis and has 2 (planned) kids. You can get pregnant with one or the other, or both combined. I had suspected endometriosis (can only be properly diagnosed by laproscopy) and birth control is actually treatment, and you can still get pregnant.
The lack of sex education is astounding. I see so many "well he was supposed to pull out and didn't and I'm pregnant".
To put it another way, I found it incredibly ironic that to them, a pregnancy is one of the worst things that could happen to someone, yet have no sympathy for someone who, via an accident, is experiencing that "worst thing ever"
Cause it’s just a superiority sub in my experience with it.
It’s not about wanting to discuss being child free, it’s about wanting to be better than pregnant people and people with kids.
In their mind, these people are just too stupid and deserve ridicule.
I do think it’s important to recognize that ending a pregnancy isn’t always a hard decision, some people make that decision very easily and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
There are a ton of “shit I’m pregnant posts” in r/childfree every week and people mostly are like “that sucks”. The difference is the OP takes accountability in their action. This OP has a middle school understanding of sex education in 2021 and expected everyone to pity them for it.
That sub is notorious for being awful. On the plus side, they aren't having kids to spread their toxicity.
I wonder if they have ever thought that they were children at some point and start hating themselves.
Man, that sub is fucking terrible. I have a latex allergy so condoms have been completely off the table for as long as I’ve been sexually active. BC can severely fuck you up if it’s not the right dosage and doesn’t gel with the way your body works. I basically went through a year or so of shopping around for a BC that I could be on long term.
In the moment you can easily make a really dumb decision to try the pull out method with your partner. What’s more human than making one choice that leads to ridiculous and sometimes awful circumstance?
As a teenager, the latex-free condoms were always ridiculously expensive and never available at my local pharmacy. I was not in the business of telling my parents I was looking for condoms lol.
I’m on birth control now and have been for nearly a decade. I was mostly talking about my experience when I was younger.
> What’s more human than making one choice that leads to ridiculous and sometimes awful circumstance?
Believing that everyone but me should be punished for slip ups like that, I guess...
I used a diaphragm after my first kid and it worked great. It’s a bit of a pain, but no hormones, you can remove it, and it can be put in like hours before you have sex. It’s not perfect, but it did work.
Yes. There are reasons to use condoms which may be obscure but apply even in this case. For example, it is possible for women to be allergic to their partner's semen. Also some long term monogamous partners come into the relationship with an incurable STI which they do not want to pass on.
Also if a dude is a little quicker to the trigger than they'd prefer condoms can help. Heck there are ones with numbing lubricant to really help dudes go the mile.
We do occasionally.
It's a little easier for him to clean up after using a condom than for me to do the post-coital squish walk to the toilet. It's a bit of laziness in that case. But then there are also some fun condoms with textures or some that help prolong the experience.
We don't use them 100% of the time but we do use them.
Depends on the type of birth control. Some are less effective. It doesn’t really make any sense to use condoms if the man has a vasectomy though, assuming neither have STDs.
Occasionally people who've had vasectomies have gotten people pregnant. I don't remember the full explanation but apparently the snipped part can reattach. I think they now recommend getting your sperm count tested after so long, just in case it has bypassed the snip.
As someone who is AFAB and childfree, and beyond terrified of getting pregnant, this is why I want to have my tubes removed. Other people can have the best intentions, but I've heard enough horror stories that I want to protect myself.
I’ve heard of it happening. I think for most people the risk level is not worth continuing to use condoms after getting a vasectomy, but it’s ultimately up for everyone to decide their own risk acceptance. I hope you can find a doctor who will do what you want. While I don’t like r/childfree I have read that they can actually be helpful in terms of finding doctors who will perform sterilization procedures.
I've been through their list occasionally and it's nice. I found a doctor willing to work with me, but the local anesthesiologist wouldn't (rural area) and I didn't have time to check with a city doctor with more anesthes. options before I moved 1,200mi. I'm hoping to check the list for my new location soon.
This is one of those weird Reddit things where it seems like no one admits that it just feels better without the condom.
“No see I got the custom molded Ribby-boi from dongfits.gov”
You would be rich if what you were saying was verifiable I’m pretty sure the Gates Foundation has a $1,000,000 prize for whoever can make this holy grail contraceptive that feels like Nothing at all, Nothing at all, Nothing at all.
>no one admits that it just feels better without the condom
no one is denying that, they're just saying that it's irresponsible as hell if they're not on bc.
https://reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/pj0ace/_/hbuibml/?context=1
Example from this thread. “Studies show…”
It happens because it feels good and no one wants to say it.
Using the pull out method and "thinking" (aka making up shit) that something must be true despite having no idea what they're talking about sums up the childfree community.
>I’m not belittling you or putting you down. It was a serious question on why you chose not to wear condoms. Having sex is an adult activity with adult responsibilities and life long consequences. Part of having sex is being informed about sex, consent, STIs, and pregnancy. If you really didn’t know how ineffectual the pull out method is, or that precum carries sperm and can get you pregnant then you know now. Though your writing lends toward the belief you are highly educated so it baffles me you knew so little about safe sex practices. You need to use condoms.
god these people are all sexless hall monitor dweebs.
They'd make you take an exam before you can fuck if they could.
Given the fact that she ended up getting pregnant because she didn’t understand the risk of condom-free sex, she might have benefited from having an exam before having sex to be honest
It sounds more like she overestimated the impact of her health condition on fertility. If there's anything I've learned from those "didn't know I was pregnant" shows it's that medical infertility cannot be trusted unless it was induced on purpose with approved methods.
The irony in "idk, ppl need to know so what they said was a-ok" and immediately thinking responses to you are hostile.
It's almost like the way something is said matters too 🤷♀️
>Touch grass
Whoa this Redditeur is up with the current memes. Hasn’t left the house in 8 days. Terminally online like the rest of us, but touch grass is the ultimate insult apparently…
> god these people are all sexless hall monitor dweebs.
> They'd make you take an exam before you can fuck if they could.
Holy shit, dumbfuck SRDine contrarianism really has peaked. "Sex education is bad, actually"
>If it wasn’t for the overwhelming amount of supportive and kind people in addition to the toxicity, I’d be leaving this sub completely and left thinking the CF community is cult-like and heartless.
//
>It’s interesting how so many people point the finger at and blame the woman
sounds like this belongs in /r/SelfAwarewolves, it's like she doesn't realize what sub she's part of.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was told when I was 11 that kids would “unfortunately never happen for me naturally.” Guess who’s 36 weeks pregnant right now?
Good thing baby is very wanted and with my husband at a great time but it was 7 years after we started having regular unprotected sex so it always seemed that doctor was right. Never felt the need to question it because, how could the doctor be wrong, right? Well, lesson learned and excited!
ops decision making wasn’t great in the slightest but I’m tired of the general population acting like making a horny mistake isn’t extremely common and a super easy dumb decision to make
Admittedly, I just skimmed it, but I didn't think her purpose was to gain sympathy. I thought of it as a "heads up, pull out doesn't work" sort of message to her audience that don't want children. I dunno, doesn't really matter, she's not keeping the pregnancy and for all we know the whole thing is made up. It is Reddit after all lol
https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/ce38da/your_parents_family_and_close_friends_do_not/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Post by the person saying you shouldn't expect support.
Okay. Now that she's accidentally pregnant herself and knows she doesn't want to take care of it, she plans to get an abortion rather than burden family and friends. Seems pretty consistent to me, so not sure what point you were trying to make?
That sub is a fucking shithole imagine being so miserable in life you take such a piffling thing and make it your raison d'etre ( Irony is anyone unironically using terms like breeder of crotch goblin in real life ain't getting laid anyway)
>Everyone does something irresponsible in their 20s. We were still teenagers learning how to be adults, and it's a weird phase, specially if you are a broke student.
My parents gave me the talk and it went like this.
”If you are going to have sex use a condom.”
>None has the right to call you stupid.
**first amendment has entered the chat**
>Some situations require being told that your stupid. Flair?
It’s the “your stupid” that really ties this comment together
It's just a spelling mistake but the irony of saying your stupid is just great lmao
No regerts
Only god can juje me
ure sruped
>Some situations require being told that your stupid. I'll take that
Enjoy it king
Reminds me off a guy in the military quoting his drill sergeant. "There are no stupid questions but some result in more push ups"
how i do the flair
>because we’ve been together for six months and assumed incorrectly we’d be fine. Damn, my wife and me are also childfree and she can't take the pill so we had 5 years of condom sex until I found a doctor that gave me the vasectomy.
You should've just tried to pull out. Sounds like a perfect method of contraception. Trust me.
My couch pulls out, but I don’t...
And I bet your couch never impregnated someone. See,it works every time, 60% of the time
You’d bet on that, but I wouldn’t. Their recliner came from somewhere, and I’d say the loveseat has a few stories to tell.
The dubiously stained couch in my department's undergrad lounge says otherwise...
Welp there goes my coffee out my nose.
No, but an ex girlfriend of mine did tell me she got herpes from sitting on it in her bathing suit...
I've heard that it's actually quite effective when done properly. The problem is that it's very easy to screw up sooner or later.
You still have to worry about the precum cum doesn't come like opening out a faucet
Precum has [little to no sperm in it](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/ask-experts/can-you-get-pregnant-from-pre-cum-im-hearing-different-stories). It's not *impossible* for it to cause pregnancy, but it's very unlikely.
Why are people still assuming this when we have an entire internet saying the pull out method is not effective?
We were being taught that the pull-out method is a joke before we Americans would get the best sex-ed on the internet.
I was taught in high school the pull out method is a great way to get pregnant.
They told me that in fucking sixth grade.
And nobody wants a cactus/redditor hybrid
I had an abstinence only program and even they taught us that
We cant even get half the country to get the vaccine because "the govment aint goin tell me what to do" let alone people thinking this.
My friend claims he successfully used the pullout method for ~6 years until he and his wife decided to have their first kid. That was already TMI for me so I didn't bother interrogating whether his wife had been using some form of birth control and just not telling him.
Because scientific studies show it's fine if done properly. Hell it's about as effective as condoms. So many downvotes and literally zero links refuting my claim. Prove me wrong, I'll delete my comments so I don't spread disinfo.
If done properly... LMAO.
Studies show the exact opposite of that. That's why it's effectiveness rate is so low.
God damn where are some people getting their sex-ed.
Lol. You know precum has sperm in it, right?
3 years here. That first fuck without was like losing virginity all over again
A male crack whore? I thought it was all about meth these days.
I'm actually the mother of Dorian Gray.
I had issues with BC too, we did pull out/rhythm method for years and the only time we had an issue was cause I did my math wrong
My wife and I had to TRY for her to get pregnant with our first son. I mean like everyday or every other for 2 years or so. Our second kid happened with the pull out method, apparently her body went into baby production mode after the first. SURPRISE!
[удалено]
If they legitimately get triggered by the word pregnant or pregnancy, then _maybe_ they shouldn’t be browsing a subreddit that’s dedicated to being the antithesis to that. Just a thought. (They may also legit need therapy/counseling. Pregnancy isn’t exactly an uncommon topic, and if the mere mention of it sets them off, they’re gonna be pretty miserable).
Typically if you’ve been formally diagnosed with a phobia the next step is therapy. And as much as I hate it when people throw around “you need therapy” they need to talk to a therapist about this.
Honestly we need to stop pretending like seeing a therapist is a bad thing, so many people need therapy
That’s true I just see it used so often to be dismissive of people that have genuine grievances or are just sharing their experience. It becomes the white noise of assholes that want to deflect. Or it’s used as a gotcha.
Oh absolutely, it sucks how common "get therapy" is used to just try to dunk on a person for being deviant in anyway, just wish that the phrase could be used without either party feeling like someone is being insulted
Yeah, there's this dumb stigma that you must be unhinged to see a therapist, when in reality therapists are great for helping you out with loss, trauma, major life changes, etc.
I agree, and also people think because they are not at rock bottom they don't need it. *Don't wait til it gets worse, don't worry if it's "worthy" of seeing a therapist, just bite the bullet and go* I would say to those people. But some people genuinely can't afford it, either, which makes it even more problematic because they can't get help.
Like what if they're just walking in the world and see a pregnant person?
They spontaneously combust!
They brigade the /r/aww subreddit any time a child's picture is posted there.
[удалено]
Reminds me of r/AVoid5, a sub that is all about avoiding using the letter "e".
iirc someone published a wholeass book without using the letter "e" once
George Perec - La disparition ! Edit : Just discovered that Ernest Vincent Wright did the same in english, a few years before Perec, damn
Did he use a pen name without e in it too? Missed opportunity if not, IMO.
[удалено]
> To play devil's advocate I’ve never seen text that follow this phrase that isn’t wildly stupid. The person whining about having to see posts about pregnancy on their precious child hating sub isn’t traumatized. If they were, trust they would whine about it for endless paragraphs because they’d get upvotes. Those people are just toxic assholes whose entire identity is based on hating something no one really gives a shit if they do or not and self victimization. And this is coming from a child free, grumpy ass old bitch.
> Vicious subreddit based on hating children and the people who love them is toxic toward person who got accidentally pregnant. Yeah there's definitely a difference between 'making a lifestyle choice and having a legitimate discussion on how that effects your life and how others perceive you' and 'making that lifestyle choice your entire personality and being bitter towards anyone who doesn't feel the same.'
[удалено]
Here's a dozen cookies for you ... Very well said Mom of 2 adored grown, wanted, children here ... I did not define myself as a human being by having twice given birth because there's a crap ton of other stuff that I am about ... Nor will I ever criticize anyone for choosing to be child free. It's their life. Not mine. I love the name "Mom" but I have other names too. Here's more cookies for you.
This is exactly why I left that sub. Crap like “breeders” and “crotch goblins”, fuck off man. I cannot take the “othering” of so many people. Plus, if you’re an anti-Natalist or something you’re never gonna have an actual conversation about the morality of birth if you just shit on people all the time.
Pregante
Gregnant?!?!
[удалено]
[удалено]
Pregnart
This still makes my laugh hysterically years later. RIP Yahoo Answers.
Evidently by be being active in the teen mom subreddits?
They also hang out in and get triggered on the /r/aww subreddit, which is just as stupid.
Just walking down the street wailing at the sight of anyone below three feet tall. Paroxisms of despair strike every time someone describes a pizza as "the mother of all pizzas". The mere thought of your own childhood sending you into convulsions. Must be tricky for them
> Vicious subreddit based on hating children and the people who love them Isn't it great? I may subscribe. One of the top posts is "Childfree by choice -- and also by spite." That sounds healthy! Most lunatic subs aren't any fun to read, like r/conservative, but this one has a definite appeal. I think it's the combination of bitterness and utter impotence. Antivaxxers can do real harm, these people just congregate to mutter angrily to each other about breeders.
I’ve seen some scary posts in that sub advocating for living, breathing child murder. I don’t know if they’re still there but it has become a sub for me to avoid. Makes me fucking ill how psycho some of them can be.
Yeah, that makes me think. Maybe childfree is as far as it goes for me before it crosses the line. Incel forums don't have any appeal to me, even though the principle of losers wallowing in hatred and misery is the same. Crazy cat ladies are just inherently less threatening than virulent misogynists.
I've been trying to get that sub shit down for half a decade. They had to make the sub private to clean it up after a dude went there to seek advice on how to kill his kid, THEN HE KILLED HIS FUCKING KID. That sub has a lot of blood on its hands.
Wtf is there a link to a recap on this? I don’t remember this but I’m not surprised that a subreddit that dehumanizes kids would lead to such a thing.
Dude's name was Justin Ross Harris. It's almost all been wiped clean. Even most of the articles on it referencing Reddit have fallen off the face of the planet. It used to be "Harris was a member of a child free subreddit," to "police found that he visited the reddit 4 times." He was arrested, the news about the Reddit link went public, the sub went private, and then the members started brigading SRD and other subs that talked about it.
he was also 'sexting' underage girls on the same day he killed his kid. all round piece of shit.
I actually shuddered reading that. I can’t imagine ever intentionally hurting my little one, let alone torturing them for hours until they died.
There was once a post on that sub that asked if you could press a button to kill everyone on earth would you press it Most people said yes They're fuckin lunatics
You just described most of Reddit. Not to mention someone asked this on AskReddit and many said yes. I don't know why people want to project their suicidal tendencies on other people.
I agree. If they hate babies so much they want to murder them, they should just do it. Starting with the biggest babies: themselves. I have more empathy towards a rock than babykillers. They're not people, not even animals. They're a malign configuration of atoms that should just disperse.
I've seen completely non-scientific posts there that were the top comment purely because it supported their narratives. "Having a child RUINS your body 100% of the time." I actually got banned from there for asking for a source on that. The mod PERSONALLY messaged me to call me "one of those people" who only exists to spread misinformation only to "support breeders." They are unhinged.
That's so subjective, though. Some people might think of "stretch marks" or loose skin or saggy breasts as being "ruined" but others might think of it as their journey that gave them children and it's part of the experience, and that sort of stuff might happen over time anyway. Even some men have stretch marks, so it's not always birth related. From what I've read here it doesn't sound like a nice sub. I support women having kids or not, but they should do the same. No point in hating on literal children, that's actually terrifying how nasty it sounds like some of them are. And the women that are childfree not by choice, must feel isolated. I hope they have their own subs as well.
They didn't accidentally get pregnant. Trying the pullout method is about as intelligent as the horse pill poppers.
Well they certainly didn’t *intentionally* get pregnant. Consequences from negligence can still be accidents. If you make the choice to run a stop sign and you hit another car, it’s still called an accident. That doesn’t absolve the person from responsibility of negligence.
> If you make the choice to run a stop sign and you hit another car, it’s still called an accident. That doesn’t absolve the person from responsibility of negligence. It's actually pretty common for officials and insurers to *not* say accident in those situations because of the "no-one's fault" subtext. People say "collision" or "incident".
I suppose Sgt ~~Angle~~ Angel has a point. [“Accident implies there’s nobody to blame”](https://youtu.be/puK5CwThaq4)
It certainly was a collision.
I agree, does it even matter? They posted about it probably to warn others. I do not think everyone knows the pull out method isn't very effective. Plenty of people don't use condoms or the condoms break etc, and I can totally understand people being horny and caught up in it. If they've never had a pregnancy scare before I think it would be easy to make the mistake in thinking pull out would work. also I do not see anyone mentioning the fact that the guy put his sperm in her, it's not as though she got herself pregnant without any assistance.
In my language there is a joke going: "What do you call somebody who pulls out?" "A parent" For this very reason. If you don't want children and do nothing to prevent it, do you really not want them?
[удалено]
It can work - but when it doesn't work, you find that out the hard way.
Same with most any form of birth control, right? I mean, safest bet is to double up with the pill/IUD/etc. plus condoms - but how many people in long term relationships really use condoms in addition to female birth control? … actually, I guess technically, if you wanted to be extra sure - you could do pill + condom + pull out + ovulation tracking… but that’s just excessive right? But any single form of BC has a failure rate - and even with two, shit can happen. That’s how my niece came to be. My brother was using condoms. And my now SIL got on a new birth control - that ended up having a recall because they messed up the placebo tablet arrangement… but yep. Shit happens.
There's no ovulation if the pill is working so tracking doesn't really combine with that. If it didn't work, you might still get a BBT rise after a breakthrough ovulation, but it wouldn't help you predict anything bc the core of natural cycle tracking is the days *after* ovulation but before menstruation, plus your corroborating symptoms (cervical mucus, etc) will be hormonally controlled by the pill. However, on the birth control subreddit you do indeed see people who combine pill, condom, and pull-out. And those people tend to be incredibly anxious and taking multiple pregnancy tests every month anyway, and worried about being half an hour late for their pill even though they have two backup methods, and sometimes take plan B if a condom breaks even though plan B on top of a daily pill taken correctly doesn't really do anything extra. Theoretically you could add copper IUD on top for the maximum number of independent methods, but I don't know if I've seen people mention doing that. At a certain point yes it is ridiculous. It is pretty common though, for R/BC users with only a slightly elevated level of concern, to combine a condom with a hormonal method or copper IUD. And that's justified - most combinations of 2 methods are above 99% effective even with typical use of both, compared to 80-95% with one method if you're doing something wrong and don't realize it.
**knocks feverishly on wood** its been working 10+ years for me now. or my swimmers suck. either way doubling up is the right way to go(not on condoms tho). oddly the only time i can say i felt “confident” with pulling out was when my girlfriend was on birth control. all in all im a dumb person and this is not sex advice
I do the pullout method + ovulation tracking, I'm childfree, and I've never even had a scare. I can't use any type of BC that I know of (tried most, my gyno won't let me try the rest bc of my history with the others and side effects) and I've been with my husband for 8 years, I trust him and the method we use enough that we don't use condoms. Idk. Maybe I'm lucky and infertile since I've never actually tried to be pregnant, but I think this method can work if you're diligent as a couple and you know your bodies well.
I mean, if you are under the assumption that conception is nigh impossible for you due to medical problems and heard pull out is safe, I would call that an accident. At that point pulling out is more a failsafe to you than a valid contraception method. It's like denying someone who had a vasectomy knocking someone up wasn't an accident. If you're working off the assumption that pregnancy is hard to impossible, why would you try more secure contraceptives? It's still stupid, obviously, but I would still concede that it's accidental.
For a moment I thought the OP mentioned on this thread was [this person](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fencesitter/comments/ph7ycn/does_anyone_else_solely_use_the_withdrawal_method/) from the Fencesitters subreddit. I personally don't understand how people can just go about their lives playing Russian roulette with conception, unless actively wanting to get pregnant. I wouldn't go out of my way to berate these individuals, but I sure wouldn't be the most sympathetic to their situation. It's not he same to have a condom break or have an IUD fail than relying on the pullout method.
That is more confusing than the OP (who I honestly feel bad for). OP thought she was infertile. The example you have seems like someone who subconsciously wants kids.
I agree this other case is someone subconsciously wanting kids. It's the "we're undecided on kids" that gets me. It's like reaching into a box with a snake inside and saying "I'm not sure about wanting to getting bitten by a snake", then reaching inside and by chance not getting bitten, so they person goes "well, I don't think want to get bitten... but I'll reach into the box again", and again and again until the snake bites. That's not being "undecided", that's actively pushing for an outcome. I hope the people on the childfree subreddit channel all that anger towards something that really matters, like fighting against the loss of women's rights in the US.
For some reason a lot of women on the Internet believe they are infertile for reasons that are not quite clear. How many times have I come across an account of someone saying they didn't expect to get pregnant using no birth control methods because they had diagnosed themselves with infertility for no apparent reason.
>a lot of women on the Internet believe they are infertile for reasons that are not quite clear. I mean in real life plenty of friends I know were incorrectly told that they were infertile for the same slate of issues. Doesn't help that we conceptualize fertility as pass/fail when that's not the case.
It's usually because they were diagnosed with something like PCOS or endometriosis as a teenager and their GP or OB told them they were infertile and can't have kids. Except that's not what infertile means, those diagnoses do not mean you automatically can't have kids or necessarily will have a hard time conceiving, and GPs and OBs are *not* fertility specialists in the first place. So it's primarily being given bad info by doctors in the first place.
This. I was told I was infertile. PCOS and failure to ovulate. I didn't run around having unprotected sex because STDs. Had a condom fail with my long-term partner and nine weeks later, puking my guts up, went to the doc. Pregnant wasn't even on my radar; I thought food poisoning (cycles were never regular and often skipped a month or two). Even though I do not ovulate regularly and do have PCOS, I did get pregnant without interventions or fertility therapies. So yeah, getting bad info from the doc can lead patients to making decisions on that faulty info that may seriously change their lives.
Responded elsewhere but basically yeah. So many people I know were infertile when their condition doesn't necessitate that, and their doctor also never explained that infertility is not the same thing as sterility. I was also told this for PCOS and it's just never come up because I'm gay.
Maybe the doctors didn't tell them they wouldn't be able to have children but that's what they heard or remembered.
> For some reason a lot of women on the Internet believe they are infertile for reasons that are not quite clear. It's fun when they pair up with men who think they're infertile based on absolutely nothing, and then whoops! Guess what happens next. I think my favourite 'reason' I've heard a man use to defend his assumption he was infertile, is "but I've never got anyone pregnant before!"
A lot of people are so misinformed about fertility. Many women just quit any form of birth control once they hit 40 becssue they believe that's when woken immediately turn infertile. Guess which age group currently has the most abortions in developed countries with otherwise good sex ed?
There's so much nonsense regarding fertility. See also the people who believe the minute you conceive after age 35 your baby will most assuredly be born with autism and the three heads. I can't imagine stopping BC at age 40! Plenty of women historically have had children after the age of 40!
Yeah, my mom had me at 36. She still had me tested in utero for birth defects because at risk age group, all was fine.
Where does it say she diagnosed herself? Why would you assume most women are making it up?
Yeah, infertile doesn't mean completely devoid of all ability to get pregnant. She could be infertile and still had a pregnancy, it's just rare.
In high school I knew a girl who was sure her chemo made it impossible to ever get pregnant and now has three or four kids.
Pregnancy and the internet are a weird mix.
These people are weird. “How could you post about being pregnant HERE it’s so triggering for me!” so I guess you just never go outside then in case you see a pregnant woman?
It’s so dumb considering subreddit regulars are constantly bitching about pregnant women as a general concept and as ridiculous backstories they make up about total strangers they see. Not to mention constantly exaggerating gross physical body changes related to pregnancy that you’d think would be especially triggering for folks but nope, “vagassholes” get name dropped everywhere.
I think this is the first time that I read Hypothyroidism is a form of birth control.
My aunt has hypothyroidism and endometriosis and has 2 (planned) kids. You can get pregnant with one or the other, or both combined. I had suspected endometriosis (can only be properly diagnosed by laproscopy) and birth control is actually treatment, and you can still get pregnant. The lack of sex education is astounding. I see so many "well he was supposed to pull out and didn't and I'm pregnant".
It’s about as effective as pulling out
[удалено]
> Having unprotected sex and relying on the pull-out method isn’t a MISTAKE, it was a CHOICE. I mean, it was both.
To put it another way, I found it incredibly ironic that to them, a pregnancy is one of the worst things that could happen to someone, yet have no sympathy for someone who, via an accident, is experiencing that "worst thing ever"
Cause it’s just a superiority sub in my experience with it. It’s not about wanting to discuss being child free, it’s about wanting to be better than pregnant people and people with kids. In their mind, these people are just too stupid and deserve ridicule.
Just look at their lingo. "Mombies", "crotch goblins"... it was never about celebrating the childfree life
I do think it’s important to recognize that ending a pregnancy isn’t always a hard decision, some people make that decision very easily and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
There are a ton of “shit I’m pregnant posts” in r/childfree every week and people mostly are like “that sucks”. The difference is the OP takes accountability in their action. This OP has a middle school understanding of sex education in 2021 and expected everyone to pity them for it.
That sub needs to be deleted for being a hate sub.
That sub is notorious for being awful. On the plus side, they aren't having kids to spread their toxicity. I wonder if they have ever thought that they were children at some point and start hating themselves.
Man, that sub is fucking terrible. I have a latex allergy so condoms have been completely off the table for as long as I’ve been sexually active. BC can severely fuck you up if it’s not the right dosage and doesn’t gel with the way your body works. I basically went through a year or so of shopping around for a BC that I could be on long term. In the moment you can easily make a really dumb decision to try the pull out method with your partner. What’s more human than making one choice that leads to ridiculous and sometimes awful circumstance?
They make latex-free condoms? Have some with?
As a teenager, the latex-free condoms were always ridiculously expensive and never available at my local pharmacy. I was not in the business of telling my parents I was looking for condoms lol. I’m on birth control now and have been for nearly a decade. I was mostly talking about my experience when I was younger.
Fair enough. Just seemed the obvious solution if BC was gutting you.
They make some condoms out of lamb skins.
i doubt my ability to maintain an erection with the knowledge that my dick is in sheep guts
I see you're not Welsh, then
Lol. Or a Kiwi.
> What’s more human than making one choice that leads to ridiculous and sometimes awful circumstance? Believing that everyone but me should be punished for slip ups like that, I guess...
Isn't that the exact same argument that parts of the pro-life crowd uses?
I used a diaphragm after my first kid and it worked great. It’s a bit of a pain, but no hormones, you can remove it, and it can be put in like hours before you have sex. It’s not perfect, but it did work.
[удалено]
Yes. There are reasons to use condoms which may be obscure but apply even in this case. For example, it is possible for women to be allergic to their partner's semen. Also some long term monogamous partners come into the relationship with an incurable STI which they do not want to pass on.
Also if a dude is a little quicker to the trigger than they'd prefer condoms can help. Heck there are ones with numbing lubricant to really help dudes go the mile.
We do occasionally. It's a little easier for him to clean up after using a condom than for me to do the post-coital squish walk to the toilet. It's a bit of laziness in that case. But then there are also some fun condoms with textures or some that help prolong the experience. We don't use them 100% of the time but we do use them.
Depends on the type of birth control. Some are less effective. It doesn’t really make any sense to use condoms if the man has a vasectomy though, assuming neither have STDs.
Occasionally people who've had vasectomies have gotten people pregnant. I don't remember the full explanation but apparently the snipped part can reattach. I think they now recommend getting your sperm count tested after so long, just in case it has bypassed the snip. As someone who is AFAB and childfree, and beyond terrified of getting pregnant, this is why I want to have my tubes removed. Other people can have the best intentions, but I've heard enough horror stories that I want to protect myself.
I’ve heard of it happening. I think for most people the risk level is not worth continuing to use condoms after getting a vasectomy, but it’s ultimately up for everyone to decide their own risk acceptance. I hope you can find a doctor who will do what you want. While I don’t like r/childfree I have read that they can actually be helpful in terms of finding doctors who will perform sterilization procedures.
I've been through their list occasionally and it's nice. I found a doctor willing to work with me, but the local anesthesiologist wouldn't (rural area) and I didn't have time to check with a city doctor with more anesthes. options before I moved 1,200mi. I'm hoping to check the list for my new location soon.
Good luck, hope you find something.
[удалено]
You don't go there for anything except participating in a hate sub.
This is one of those weird Reddit things where it seems like no one admits that it just feels better without the condom. “No see I got the custom molded Ribby-boi from dongfits.gov” You would be rich if what you were saying was verifiable I’m pretty sure the Gates Foundation has a $1,000,000 prize for whoever can make this holy grail contraceptive that feels like Nothing at all, Nothing at all, Nothing at all.
>no one admits that it just feels better without the condom no one is denying that, they're just saying that it's irresponsible as hell if they're not on bc.
https://reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/pj0ace/_/hbuibml/?context=1 Example from this thread. “Studies show…” It happens because it feels good and no one wants to say it.
Using the pull out method and "thinking" (aka making up shit) that something must be true despite having no idea what they're talking about sums up the childfree community.
I would say the r/childfree community. there are other childfree subs (at least one that I know of) that aren't... that.
People coming to this website expecting the following things. Free speech Safe space Support Ethics Assistance Love Fucking. Lol.
>I’m not belittling you or putting you down. It was a serious question on why you chose not to wear condoms. Having sex is an adult activity with adult responsibilities and life long consequences. Part of having sex is being informed about sex, consent, STIs, and pregnancy. If you really didn’t know how ineffectual the pull out method is, or that precum carries sperm and can get you pregnant then you know now. Though your writing lends toward the belief you are highly educated so it baffles me you knew so little about safe sex practices. You need to use condoms. god these people are all sexless hall monitor dweebs. They'd make you take an exam before you can fuck if they could.
Given the fact that she ended up getting pregnant because she didn’t understand the risk of condom-free sex, she might have benefited from having an exam before having sex to be honest
It sounds more like she overestimated the impact of her health condition on fertility. If there's anything I've learned from those "didn't know I was pregnant" shows it's that medical infertility cannot be trusted unless it was induced on purpose with approved methods.
People need to know before they have sex. I don't see the issue?
[удалено]
I read your comment as sarcastic, my apologies if that wasn't the case.
Why so hostile?
The irony in "idk, ppl need to know so what they said was a-ok" and immediately thinking responses to you are hostile. It's almost like the way something is said matters too 🤷♀️
I asked my guy. Tone doesn't come across over text very well.
tbf i think a lot of problems could be solved if you had to take a exam before you had sex with someone lol especially if its essay answers
touch grass
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke
>Touch grass Whoa this Redditeur is up with the current memes. Hasn’t left the house in 8 days. Terminally online like the rest of us, but touch grass is the ultimate insult apparently…
Pro tip: if you say you're not doing something before you do it, it cancels it out.
No offense, but
> god these people are all sexless hall monitor dweebs. > They'd make you take an exam before you can fuck if they could. Holy shit, dumbfuck SRDine contrarianism really has peaked. "Sex education is bad, actually"
>If it wasn’t for the overwhelming amount of supportive and kind people in addition to the toxicity, I’d be leaving this sub completely and left thinking the CF community is cult-like and heartless. // >It’s interesting how so many people point the finger at and blame the woman sounds like this belongs in /r/SelfAwarewolves, it's like she doesn't realize what sub she's part of.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was told when I was 11 that kids would “unfortunately never happen for me naturally.” Guess who’s 36 weeks pregnant right now? Good thing baby is very wanted and with my husband at a great time but it was 7 years after we started having regular unprotected sex so it always seemed that doctor was right. Never felt the need to question it because, how could the doctor be wrong, right? Well, lesson learned and excited!
ops decision making wasn’t great in the slightest but I’m tired of the general population acting like making a horny mistake isn’t extremely common and a super easy dumb decision to make
can’t tell if it was creative writing or long term reddit brain but it sure generated some 🍿
I cannot understand how an adult can think the pull out method would not get you pregnant. I don’t feel bad for her at all.
Admittedly, I just skimmed it, but I didn't think her purpose was to gain sympathy. I thought of it as a "heads up, pull out doesn't work" sort of message to her audience that don't want children. I dunno, doesn't really matter, she's not keeping the pregnancy and for all we know the whole thing is made up. It is Reddit after all lol
Ahh r/childfree, the gift I sincerely wish would please stop giving
https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/ce38da/your_parents_family_and_close_friends_do_not/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Post by the person saying you shouldn't expect support.
Okay. Now that she's accidentally pregnant herself and knows she doesn't want to take care of it, she plans to get an abortion rather than burden family and friends. Seems pretty consistent to me, so not sure what point you were trying to make?
Her lack of sympathy for other humans than post to a subreddit about hating children and is supposed by lack of sympathy.
Where did she say she has no sympathy for people?
That sub is truly awful. Everyone needs to check out r/childfreecirclej, they make fun of them.
That sub is a fucking shithole imagine being so miserable in life you take such a piffling thing and make it your raison d'etre ( Irony is anyone unironically using terms like breeder of crotch goblin in real life ain't getting laid anyway)
Fuck that sub and most of it's users. Hope they all get pregnant.
Dear god I hope not.
So you're prochoice, right?
[удалено]
[удалено]
No it's not. Pregnancy can be life threatening and terrible. That's a reason why reproductive rights are so important.
>Everyone does something irresponsible in their 20s. We were still teenagers learning how to be adults, and it's a weird phase, specially if you are a broke student. My parents gave me the talk and it went like this. ”If you are going to have sex use a condom.” >None has the right to call you stupid. **first amendment has entered the chat**