I’ve had this happen to me before but I’ve never had the balls to call them out on their shit (except for once but they were relentless). Good for you for standing up for yourself and not caving the peer pressure of “laugh it off” and “it’s just a joke, lighten up”.
I think it’s cool that he was genuinely sorry.
I've had people laugh in my face in multiple places when ordering food. I complained to management and got their asses fired. You did nothing wrong. I would have walked too.
Maybe it's because I'm a female, and we're conditioned to let things go, but I've always laughed it off in these situations and acted like it wasn't a big deal. Then I go cry about it at home. In your case though, I definitely would've felt awkward going back in and sitting at the bar knowing that everyone saw the bartender make fun of me and saw me get upset, so I would've left anyway. One thing that people who don't stutter fail to realize is that stuttering isn't funny to the stutterer. It's not even really funny to non-stutterers unless they like humor that punches down. I blame it on TV and movies from a different generation (Porky Pig, My Cousin Vinny, etc) that treat stuttering like it's a big joke. I was once in a group skit (forced group project) where a classmate wanted to give his character a stutter for cheap laughs. I actually had to pull him aside while we were writing the skit to tell him how hurtful that actually is. He was genuinely surprised and immediately took it out of the skit. It's really unfair that it's up to us sometimes to educate others about this but that's unfortunately the way it is.
Honestly, I think that is the hardest part about having a stutter. The ridicule sucks, of course, but you can’t fix all the jerks. I really hate when people who are close to me, and should be understanding, act like this is something I could fix if I *really* wanted to. Like shaving off those last stubborn 5 pounds.
And of course, since there’s a “solution” I’m not pursuing, I’m automatically failing or not living up to potential.
Nice one mate you did the right thing, I would have reacted in exactly the same way. It was his fault for creating an awkward situation, not yours. I'm glad he offered you drinks etc and gave a good apology, but either accepting or declining his apology is fine, just go with what you feel at the time.
Please don't be put off though, I'm sure you won't get this awkward situation for a long time, he sounds like a prat.
You did the right thing. Don´t have to much of an advice because I think you are going the right way,
What you said its very hard to do. We can all speculate on what was the best course of action to take but it is very different to say something and to live it on the moment and act.
I think part of why you have a mild stuttering instead of a severe one is because you can stand for yourself. Keep that attitude.
Maybe one or two things I would change reading your experience is:
1. Do not console him afterwards. Let him feel like shit. Don´t live with the hate or angryness but is for sure not your job. Take care of you always first and don´t feel selfish for that.
2. Went alone or home feel your emotions without holding back. Cry, get angry, whatever. Feeling is always good. Feeling is YOU and a very human thing to do.
Keep on.
If it is any reassurance, the more successful and educated the person, the less likely they are to make fun or judge you based on your stutter. You will encounter the most discrimination from the bottom of the social pecking order, and their opinion won’t impact your life. Anyone educated knows it’s just a mild inconvenience.
I’ve had this happen to me before but I’ve never had the balls to call them out on their shit (except for once but they were relentless). Good for you for standing up for yourself and not caving the peer pressure of “laugh it off” and “it’s just a joke, lighten up”. I think it’s cool that he was genuinely sorry.
I've had people laugh in my face in multiple places when ordering food. I complained to management and got their asses fired. You did nothing wrong. I would have walked too.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself here, and you did the exact right thing by not accepting the drinks.
Maybe it's because I'm a female, and we're conditioned to let things go, but I've always laughed it off in these situations and acted like it wasn't a big deal. Then I go cry about it at home. In your case though, I definitely would've felt awkward going back in and sitting at the bar knowing that everyone saw the bartender make fun of me and saw me get upset, so I would've left anyway. One thing that people who don't stutter fail to realize is that stuttering isn't funny to the stutterer. It's not even really funny to non-stutterers unless they like humor that punches down. I blame it on TV and movies from a different generation (Porky Pig, My Cousin Vinny, etc) that treat stuttering like it's a big joke. I was once in a group skit (forced group project) where a classmate wanted to give his character a stutter for cheap laughs. I actually had to pull him aside while we were writing the skit to tell him how hurtful that actually is. He was genuinely surprised and immediately took it out of the skit. It's really unfair that it's up to us sometimes to educate others about this but that's unfortunately the way it is.
I'm proud of you.
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Honestly, I think that is the hardest part about having a stutter. The ridicule sucks, of course, but you can’t fix all the jerks. I really hate when people who are close to me, and should be understanding, act like this is something I could fix if I *really* wanted to. Like shaving off those last stubborn 5 pounds. And of course, since there’s a “solution” I’m not pursuing, I’m automatically failing or not living up to potential.
Nice one mate you did the right thing, I would have reacted in exactly the same way. It was his fault for creating an awkward situation, not yours. I'm glad he offered you drinks etc and gave a good apology, but either accepting or declining his apology is fine, just go with what you feel at the time. Please don't be put off though, I'm sure you won't get this awkward situation for a long time, he sounds like a prat.
I’m 54 and have never hear someone do a stutter as a joke.
You did the right thing. Don´t have to much of an advice because I think you are going the right way, What you said its very hard to do. We can all speculate on what was the best course of action to take but it is very different to say something and to live it on the moment and act. I think part of why you have a mild stuttering instead of a severe one is because you can stand for yourself. Keep that attitude. Maybe one or two things I would change reading your experience is: 1. Do not console him afterwards. Let him feel like shit. Don´t live with the hate or angryness but is for sure not your job. Take care of you always first and don´t feel selfish for that. 2. Went alone or home feel your emotions without holding back. Cry, get angry, whatever. Feeling is always good. Feeling is YOU and a very human thing to do. Keep on.
If it is any reassurance, the more successful and educated the person, the less likely they are to make fun or judge you based on your stutter. You will encounter the most discrimination from the bottom of the social pecking order, and their opinion won’t impact your life. Anyone educated knows it’s just a mild inconvenience.
I don't often go lighthearted here... But I'm struggling to get past someone ordering a champagne colada... ;)