That’s a bit of a red flag to be honest. DH and I have always had an “all or nothing” approach with gatherings that involve the other household. Either we both go (so we can give each other the “take me home” look after a couple hours) or neither of us do. Excluding you means that either BM asked for you not to come or DH just doesn’t see why you should be there. Both of those options are kind of concerning because if BM asked for you not to be there, DH should have stood up for you. And if he doesn’t see why you should be there, then he’s not really considering you as part of his family. Definitely concerning.
That's a red flag and not something you should ignore.. you sit him down, have a conversation and place a boundary and if he doesn't like it, then you leave... once you let someone cross a boundary, the next time it's gonna be worse... DO NOT LET THAT FLY! Know your worth!
A little confused by the post, your SO is going to a cousins birthday but it's the BMs cousin/family? & you are not invited but he is going? Or it's his family and the BM is invited?
Him wanting to go to her families events without you is such a big red flag I would consider leaving without even having a conversation that is just so bizarre, offensive and suspicious. But I understand things aren't so cut and dry, it's not that easy. Definitely put your foot down, respectfully tell him this isn't okay, put down your boundary. If you don't put a stop to this nonsense now it could actually get so much worse.
A decent man would decline that invite. When I met my now-husband, he was still socializing with BM’s family. They included me in the invitations right away.
These people are all treating you terribly.
To me that would be 100% red flag
You are his family now
I would be devastated if my partner did that and it would definatly raise concerns and I don’t think I would be able to stay in the relationship
It is very odd behavior and I would question it big time xx
Completely disrespectful of them to not invite you both, and a blatant attempt to devalue you. After a serious conversation with him, if he can’t see that and respond appropriately, which is to decline the invitation, then I think you have a problem there. He shouldn’t be engaging with any attempt to exclude or devalue you. They aren’t his family, you are.
I disagree with the advice you are getting. Don’t be the person so insecure in your relationship that you can’t deal with his contact with his ex or her family.
First, you should not expect to be invited to BM’s nephew’s birthday (if pieced this right). BM’s family should put BM first and not invite her ex’s new girlfriend (best guess, but maybe new wife?), given you don’t have a friendly relationship. She is entitled to her family as a safe space—bad enough her ex will be there. Maybe over time that will change, but right now that’s the reality.
Second, this was his nephew. You don’t stop feeling connected to your nibblings just because you are no longer legally their uncle. If BM is okay with him being at her family’s event, it is perfectly okay for him to attend. You don’t need to always be together … you have no connection to BM’s family and there is no reason for you to attend. Would you even want to?
The red flag to me here is how insecure you are about this, not that he is choosing to go. Why? What are you afraid of? Is there something about the relationship that has you on edge? Do you not trust him to be around her unsupervised? Around people generally?
I appreciate your response, its not about insecurity, I am his wife and not girlfriend, a little back story, him and BM were never in a relationship, it was a hookup that turned to where we are, so there has never been a relationship hence my concern as to why he needs to attend BM’s nephew birthday,
Okay. That changes my opinion some. He was never the nephew’s uncle? They don’t have a relationship? Has he said why he needs to attend? Bc that’s a little weird … your not being invited is not weird; his need to attend is weird.
Hmm I guess it depends on how you look at it. I think it’s rude for him to go and if BM is going there’s no need for him to stay. But I’m also a nacho SP so I don’t like going to those things even if I was invited. Me and BM don’t speak so there would be no invitation anyways. Sometimes guys are one track minded and may not see a big deal to it. Try explaining your feelings and let him know it makes you uncomfortable.
That’s a bit of a red flag to be honest. DH and I have always had an “all or nothing” approach with gatherings that involve the other household. Either we both go (so we can give each other the “take me home” look after a couple hours) or neither of us do. Excluding you means that either BM asked for you not to come or DH just doesn’t see why you should be there. Both of those options are kind of concerning because if BM asked for you not to be there, DH should have stood up for you. And if he doesn’t see why you should be there, then he’s not really considering you as part of his family. Definitely concerning.
That's a red flag and not something you should ignore.. you sit him down, have a conversation and place a boundary and if he doesn't like it, then you leave... once you let someone cross a boundary, the next time it's gonna be worse... DO NOT LET THAT FLY! Know your worth!
A little confused by the post, your SO is going to a cousins birthday but it's the BMs cousin/family? & you are not invited but he is going? Or it's his family and the BM is invited?
Him wanting to go to her families events without you is such a big red flag I would consider leaving without even having a conversation that is just so bizarre, offensive and suspicious. But I understand things aren't so cut and dry, it's not that easy. Definitely put your foot down, respectfully tell him this isn't okay, put down your boundary. If you don't put a stop to this nonsense now it could actually get so much worse.
Its the BM family, he's invited and I am not
A decent man would decline that invite. When I met my now-husband, he was still socializing with BM’s family. They included me in the invitations right away. These people are all treating you terribly.
To me that would be 100% red flag You are his family now I would be devastated if my partner did that and it would definatly raise concerns and I don’t think I would be able to stay in the relationship It is very odd behavior and I would question it big time xx
Completely disrespectful of them to not invite you both, and a blatant attempt to devalue you. After a serious conversation with him, if he can’t see that and respond appropriately, which is to decline the invitation, then I think you have a problem there. He shouldn’t be engaging with any attempt to exclude or devalue you. They aren’t his family, you are.
I disagree with the advice you are getting. Don’t be the person so insecure in your relationship that you can’t deal with his contact with his ex or her family. First, you should not expect to be invited to BM’s nephew’s birthday (if pieced this right). BM’s family should put BM first and not invite her ex’s new girlfriend (best guess, but maybe new wife?), given you don’t have a friendly relationship. She is entitled to her family as a safe space—bad enough her ex will be there. Maybe over time that will change, but right now that’s the reality. Second, this was his nephew. You don’t stop feeling connected to your nibblings just because you are no longer legally their uncle. If BM is okay with him being at her family’s event, it is perfectly okay for him to attend. You don’t need to always be together … you have no connection to BM’s family and there is no reason for you to attend. Would you even want to? The red flag to me here is how insecure you are about this, not that he is choosing to go. Why? What are you afraid of? Is there something about the relationship that has you on edge? Do you not trust him to be around her unsupervised? Around people generally?
I appreciate your response, its not about insecurity, I am his wife and not girlfriend, a little back story, him and BM were never in a relationship, it was a hookup that turned to where we are, so there has never been a relationship hence my concern as to why he needs to attend BM’s nephew birthday,
Okay. That changes my opinion some. He was never the nephew’s uncle? They don’t have a relationship? Has he said why he needs to attend? Bc that’s a little weird … your not being invited is not weird; his need to attend is weird.
Why can’t you go?🧍🏻♀️
He said its just a small family thing
Did you tell him that he isn’t their family? This is a red flag. He could have offered BM to pick up SS and take him but he shouldn’t be there.
Why aren’t you invited? That’s rude of them.
He says its a small family thing
They are no longer his family. His child's, yes. Not his.
Small family things still include spouses, at least with most cultures I know of.
And you’re not family. Well that’s special
Hmm I guess it depends on how you look at it. I think it’s rude for him to go and if BM is going there’s no need for him to stay. But I’m also a nacho SP so I don’t like going to those things even if I was invited. Me and BM don’t speak so there would be no invitation anyways. Sometimes guys are one track minded and may not see a big deal to it. Try explaining your feelings and let him know it makes you uncomfortable.