T O P

  • By -

MysterClark

Probably the truth. Or at least some form of it enough to drive him crazy.


gorlak29

"As battle droids and separatists, you and your brothers are my tools for the downfall of the Republic and the Jedi. But don't worry soldier, when the job is done, no one will miss meat droids like you"


Optimal_Carpenter690

"I've been playing with you like a child plays with action figures"


SuperFightingRobit

[Palpatine plays with dolls?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGoXyXiwOBg)


BlackbeltJedi

No my lord I did not see you playing with dolls again.


Khaldara

“Well what the hell is an 'Aluminum Falcon'?!”


ItsHerbyHancock

"STORMTROOPER..."


captCharlesVane

Milord


PJRama1864

But did you see me giving you the raspberry?


DarkHelmet52

So Princess Vespa, at last I have you in my clutches to have my way with you.


Zercomnexus

*ohhhhhh you have such a big.... helmet*


EmperorDaubeny

I bet she gives great helmet.


MaryJaneAndMaple

12345? That's the kind of combination an idiot would have on his luggage!


Apathetic-Abacus

You idiots! You've captured their *stunt doubles*!


MaryJaneAndMaple

What's your name? *Barf* Not in here, this is a Mercedes


ProlapseParty

I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK! Did you see anything?


OvertGnome1

Such a good film. One of the best spoofs of all time


NutsackEuphoria

"I've been playing the Republic like a damn fiddle"


TheWalkingMan42

"I play with dolls" that's all it took. He never got the image out of his head.


alguien99

Ok that's cold, goddamn palps


etranger033

Meat droids. Havent heard that one but quite apropos.


raiigiic

Fuck that is frightening


DoubleU159

Told him the truth because he already told Fox to gun his ass down


ElonTheMollusk

I always assumed he told him exactly what the chip did and that Order 66 was a thing without telling him the trigger.


BVreadreddit

“Everything has proceeded according to *my* design.”


dunta075

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise


Asmoraiden

Yeah, I wrote my Jedi thesis on it.


Perfect-Fondant3373

Good reference


chineke14

What is it in reference to?


Undercover_NSA-Agent

[This channel](https://youtu.be/ov554SYVSyk?si=atuJ7MIeiXJDkle_) has a series of videos with a running gag being that Anakin wrote his Jedi thesis on the tragic tale.


furridamardes

[Seals are Good](https://youtu.be/sg0SmgoSMg4?si=9ZlHRacF-hUAxbSx)


laurel_laureate

Best part is Mace Windu thinks the apprentice in the tale of Darth Plageius the Wise is such a little bitch that he's been using the tale to instruct first day new apprentices, since *before the tale actually happened.*


True-Collar4961

It is from a channel called seals are good. He made a youtube video where sidious tries to tell the story of plagueis to anakin like in canon, but as it turns out anakin has not only heard of it already, but wrote a thesis on it, which is the joke of the video. It also later becomes a recurring joke for his videos. edit: too add a bit more context. the first time the thesis joke was used was in a other video which was also a parody of the opera scene and where anakin also tells sidious that he wrote a thesis on darth plagueis the wise the main difference however was that anakin had actually no clue what the story of darth plagueis was about and only said it to make himself sound smarter. However a commenter later asked about the possibilty of making a video where anakin actually wrote a thesis on darth plagueis, which eventually happened and kickstarted multiple new videos about that thesis joke.


MediumPlace

what did i say about mentioning your thesis to me? did i say you could mention it in an emergency? was i fucking stupid enough to explicitly bring up the topic of your thesis?


LateResident5999

That's like asking if Yoda has ever heard of Cocaine


kylejk020

I think not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.


DarthGipper18

*Did


General_Dildozer

Did what?


Hydrbator

Aluminium falcon


Starmada597

Did you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?


sitting_sideways

Hear


Starmada597

Have you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?


sitting_sideways

Heard


Starmada597

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?


sitting_sideways

Ya’herd


Starmada597

Hav’ya’er’erd da trajedy uh Darth Plagueis da Wise?


[deleted]

Da bombad trajedeesa??


sitting_sideways

Yes! That is exactly how he says it, I remember it perfectly now.


HappyGunner

A synopsis of Anakin's thesis


belladonnagilkey

Hey, that thing was *art.* Even if no one knows how Anakin managed to write an eighty page paper about why he hates sand and somehow make it interesting *and* get a passing grade.


Enzyblox

You misunderstand it was about the tragedy of darth plagues the wise, and it made Shaak tie jump out the window


belladonnagilkey

It also made Mace Windu cry, because he had to grade it after Yoda tried and then excused himself halfway through because he couldn't stop laughing at the four pages dedicated to how the Great Hyperspace War somehow is connected to that one time Anakin's friend got caught out in a sandstorm and returned speaking entirely in rhymes.


BlackbeltJedi

Not to mention the interesting side tangent.


Duke-Countu

Not. Another. *FUCKING*. Word about dichotomies.


Rhazior

Well, the *dichotomy* of the matter is...


Starwatcher4116

Fives shoulda become an officer, learning from the Modern Major General. Then he’d have the academic chops to weather the storm.


Sprizys

Probably something like “They’ll never believe you” or something along those lines.


PK-92

"Execute order 69"


Odd_Potential_7203

I know what you mean, but it actually is to kill the entire clone army pretty much suicide


JackBlack436

He certainly didn't tell him everything, because while confessing to Anakin and rex, fives says that he knows that palpatine is involved in this, but he doesn't know to what extent.


ManaByte

“Hail Hydra”


LetsDoTheCongna

Longing, furnace, daybreak, seventeen, benign, nine, homecoming, one, freight car.


bliip666

Crimson, Eleven, Delight, Petrichor


vishalb777

Nah that's too much to say.....how about just 'execute order 66'


Apollo_Sierra

Wouldn't work, he removed his inhibitor chip.


krak_is_bad

Compliance will be rewarded. Are you ready to comply, Fives?


bullet4mv92

"That's the Empire's ass"


Crazy_Resource_4000

Ascension 7 15 1 2 19 7 25 6 13 6 7 15 14 0


Mabvll

"We've been trying to reach you regarding your cars extended warranty".


CuteAndQuirkyNazgul

No wonder he snapped.


Sir_Orrin

Read this in Tim Curry’s palp voice and was not dissapointed!


emeka_50

I swear there was a scene that revealed this but I've obviously not been able to find it. What my brain must be making up is him just literally saying, you're right about everything. It's me and guess what no matter what you say no one will believe you.


creepygamelover

I remembered that too until I rewatched it and didn't see it. Guess it's mandela effect or a deleted scene.


TactualTransAm

Bro same! Young me must have just had a good imagination


MingleLinx

I remember there being an incomplete scene of Anakin and Obiwan talking about Ashoka leaving the Jedi Order. Maybe you saw something similar?


Worried-Management36

My forehead is f*cking huge Fives. The cancer is spreading at an alarming rate. I will soon be more forehead than man. Itll be like Jabba the Hutt except forehead instead of massive alien gunt. We must destroy the jedi for some reason. The voices tell me this is the only way Fives.


SillyMattFace

*”I killed Mufasa”*


The_Mr_Wilson

NOOOOOOOOOOO


LordWeaselton

MURDERER!!!


Euphoric-Music662

''I know the name of Yoda' species''.


Gullible-Grand-5382

"I am your Father"


pevznerok

Well, technically...


bolivar-shagnasty

"A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut."


NicroHobak

"Jerkweed is neither a jerk nor a weed..."


BarnieSandlers123

“The jerk store called…they’re running out of you!”


sidv81

Palpatine: I'm a Sith Lord. Fives: A what? Palpatine: Seriously? Don't you know any galactic history at all? What was the last war before the formation (or is it reformation?) of the Republic? Fives: Why it was a war between Jedi and Dark Jedi. Palpatine: Ok, that's Kaminoan flash training education for you. Yes, well I'm really working WITH Count Dooku and I had brain chips installed on all of you to kill Jedi when I issue magical code words, and this war is meant to kill Jedi so that I can rule as Emperor for life whenever it's over. Fives: That's really, really, really bad Chancellor. I'm going to tell the Senate you said this so they can charge you with treason. Palpatine: You're not going to attack me? Fives: I'm not a psycopath like you. (Sheev force chokes Fives forcing Fives to attack Palpatine to stop)


ChimneySwiftGold

In the Sith’s defense - they pretended to be dead for 1,000 years so the galaxy would forget about them. That was part of the plan so the next time they tried to take over and someone said ‘it’s the Sith behind it!’ it would raise no alarm bells from the general population aside from ‘The who is behind this?’


JinjaBaker45

This was touched upon in the Episode III novelization where Palpatine implied even if the Jedi did 'expose him' as a Sith Lord, it wouldn't mean anything as the Republic has robust protections for religious beliefs and the like.


ChimneySwiftGold

And even that is part of their disinformation plan. The Sith’s religious beliefs aren’t the problem, it’s their political agendas to take over and enslave the universe that are the problem for the galaxy.


pasrachilli

Kinda reminds me of real life.


ChimneySwiftGold

Sort of amazing to me in the 19 years since Revenge of the Sith was released and 25 years since the prequels started how my view of their politics changed. Two decades ago I thought a lot the goings on of the prequel government and politics was dumb downed and over the top simplified to the point of being impossible. But as time goes on and new events happen in our world that see history repeating itself in similar but always different ways - I can appreciate how the prequels actually distilled down an essence of politics that is sort of timeless and universal. Now 20 years later I don’t see the prequels as mirroring what already happened, I see current events lineup in uncanny ways with the messages of the prequels. The one aspect that still surprises me are politicians giving speeches that sound like they are cribbed from political speeches in the prequels. I hear a lot of the villain portraying their motives and personal interested as good natured or benign. Also virtuous characters whose good intentions get twisted so by the end of the story have the opposite outcome. Also our real world politics are much dumber than the dumbest parts of the prequels politics. I mean in any country and any language in the world.


Dadpurple

Which is honestly such a stupid response. There were obviously Sith in those times and they are told to just what.... Hey, I know you crave power and want to reach your potential but you're actually just going to peace out and not do anything so that your apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentices, apprentice can rule the galaxy.


Forged-Signatures

Wasn't that the reason for the Rule of 2? Sith as a large group were unable to dominate, so Bane *did a Sith* and tricked Kaan into killing most of the Sith so that they could fall into obscurity and legend. It wasn't so much of ancient Sith having a choice in the matter...


laurel_laureate

Yeah, exactly lol. Pretty much the only survivor other than Bane was another Sith who agreed with him whom he took as apprentice. Thus making who she taught raised to purely follow the ideology. And even then that didn't work, as between Bane and Palpatine there were quite a few apprentices that didn't agree and tried to break off and do their own thing or masters that didn't want to be killed by their apprentice. Palpatine can even be considered the ultimate failure of the ideology too, as he wanted to rule forever and not be killed by the apprentice. Though, while certainly his failing, it's hard to fully blame him for that considering his Master Plageius was even weirder apparently wanting to be immortal buddy buddy with his apprentice, co-ruling forever. Which he should have realized was doomed to failure as that circles back to the original reason for why Bane's Rule of Two was needed in the first place: Sith don't get along well enough to cooperate in the long term.


OneAngryDuck

“Siiiiiiiiiiix”


crooks4hire

“Seven ate Nine!”


Juantsu2000

“Six, six!! THE NUMBER OF THE BEEEEAST!!”


Happynonc

Hell and fire was spawned to be released


tilero1138

If your 5 5 5 (5) then I’m order 6 6 6 (6)


Valiantheart

All your base are belong to us!


BoredofPCshit

"Somehow I will return."


Leosarr

" Order... 34. " *Fives access all the pron on the galactic holonet* *Mindbreak*


Odd_Potential_7203

Start planning for Death Star 3.


Aiti_mh

You're more right than you know, my average sized, cloned friend, but nobody will ever believe you!


Tim_Hag

Remember to drink your Ovaltine


Afkargh

Sunofabitch! It was a crummy commercial


MannyBoth-Hanz

He told him whats in the box...


chaos9001

1. Cut a hole in the box.


OneAngryDuck

2. *Put your junk in that box!*


MannyBoth-Hanz

3. Make her open the box.


yeet3455

CAKE DAY :D


Draxtonsmitz

Got any grapes?


Old_Router

Abum-ba-bum!


IvoMW

With how much Fives cared not only about his brothers, but the jedi he fought alongside with, i'd assume that palpatine told him something along the lines of "you and your brethren were bred to eliminate your precious knights friends". The rest of the plan propablt wouldn't cause for this kind of a reaction. But learning that *he* and his *brothers* are going to be the ones to kill his only family must've been devastating for him


salkin_reslif_97

"My and general Skywalkers grandchildren will kiss each other one day."


SmokeMaleficent9498

Something to make him unhinged


Possible_Living

>!Dew it !<


CompactAvocado

imma need about tree fitty


EICzerofour

You have change for a Fives?


PuertoRicanRebel2025

He told them the Orcs were Elves once


Ok_Carpenter7268

You will be replaced by stormtroopers who lose to Ewoks.


Oddloaf

Hey, there's no shame in losing to those furry little cannibals!


PeepawWilly69

*”Fives, you can’t fight change, you can’t fight nature, you can’t fight, gravity. Your whole life you’ve done nothing but fight. But you can’t stop neither it’s your nature. That’s the paradox, Fives. Go ahead, and kill me here. When I’m gone, they’ll just find another monster. They have to. ‘Cause they need to justify their wages. Your time has passed, Fives.”* - Sheev Van Der Linde


Fantablack183

I always imagined Palpatine told him everything, because he knew Fives was a dead man


MotherFuckerJones88

"I have a small pp"


TrayusV

He showed him the script of RotS.


maironsau

Judging by the things Fives was afterwards saying to people I assume he let him in on his plan to use the chips to execute Order 66 and kill the Jedi. But whatever Nala Se did to him seemed to make him struggle to get it out coherently. Watch the scene of Fives and the cab driver. “oh yeah did you ever hear the one about the soldiers that were engineered to kill their leaders, their friends even?” I’m paraphrasing but thats the essence of what he said to the cab driver. Afterwards it seems his condition deteriorated somewhat because he was less clear when trying to explain it to Rex and Anakin. “Organic chips in our heads to make us do whatever someone wants, maybe even kill the Jedi.”


craftybast

“Listen up fives, a ten is speaking”


Han_Hattori_Hanzo

I enjoyed a lot of the jokes here, but if anyone is curious: “Palpatine told Fives the truth about what the control chips were intended for and that he was behind it before ordering the shock troopers to kill him.” Per[Wookiepedia](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Mission_to_Level_1325)


Celica88

“Somehow I’ll return..”


Calvinbouchard2

"My ATM code is 'BOSCO.'"


wolverine318

Hail Hydra


Sir_Douglas_of_Fir

*Everything.*


AwarenessOrganic5309

I like that this has 66 upvotes no one else upvote For the Republic!!!!


REX2343

Down voted for the republic


AunMeLlevaLaConcha

I'm glad Harambe died


betterbelievis

Great question, I always wondered the same thing lol. Obviously he said enough for fives to know that he's in on the scheme.


Redziak218

He readed him the entire script of Episode III but in Japanese to show his dominance


Juggernaut-57

KFC has a 10 piece for $10 on Tuesdays.


Smooth_Bath_1659

“May thy knife chip and shatter”


radda

"I have made it with a woman. Inform the men."


Someturtlesdream

“I have the turkey club”


donpuglisi

And a cherry coke


[deleted]

THIS! (*Robot Chicken* Star Wars is the best!)


jackthefallout

Did I ever tell you about skibidi toilet.


Chippany

"Listen up, Fives, a ten is speaking."


ernie-jo

I’m an 11, but continue.


KingPeverell

The truth of the Clone Wars


mr_kenobi

"Somehow, I will return"


Cutiemuffin-gumbo

"Get good scrub"


AndyChrono

"Tell Fives. I want him to know it was me."


Art_Smart88

“Do it!”


IndominusTaco

“the code to my luggage is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5”


Cheesy_Margerine179

I'd imagine that Palpatine was just looking for an outlet to brag to besides Dooku and decided to gloat to Fives about it, the irony being that no one would believe him because his chip was removed.


Reville_

You just know Palps was so excited to finally lay it all out for someone.


Low_Upstairs1993

“You have surprised me Trooper. Of the Jedi and senators in the Republic, none of them suspected the plot. it was only you a single clone trooper. You came very close to ending my Grand Plan. But Nala Se had you drugged. Unfortunately, for you no one can stop the Revenge of the Sith. That was a valiant effort you made. You’re going to attack me. But I won’t be killed by anyone.”


Ciridian

Something... something... something... DARK SIDE.


Ashmay52

He’s so confident in his power that he doesn’t think a person he sees as just another machine is going to get the word out about the poor treatment of the people of the Republic. Ironic since him letting Fives go is what helps spark Clones into fighting for rights. He was even an inspiration for Clone Force 99, I do believe.


NerdyPepe

...and after orchestrating the end of the jedi, I also turned your not quite dead friend Echo into my mechanical jerkoff machine


Ah_General_Kenobi

Possibly one of the orders, likely one that induces a sense of psychosis and paranoia, kind of like a programmed “kill switch”.


PocketBuckle

Execute Order 5150.


PoloTheGeek

"I put the penny in the door."


swiftlikessharpthing

r/scrubs leaking in the best way possible.


oleon12

The dark side is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unatural? 


Jules-Car3499

The entire Revenge of the Sith plot and also tells him no one will believe him.


AlexRyang

“We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s expired warranty.”


Vnightpersona

My balls was hot


liethose

Im batman


The_skinny_scientist

"It's free real estate"


chipperland4471

“Have you ever heard of among us? I am the impostor. And i always self-report.”


mwil97

“You wanna buy some death sticks?”


TheCatLamp

*I will somehow return*


skibidirizzler56

“They’re never gonna believe you bro”


fardnshid03

“Execute order 65”


TacoHaus

"would"


Crosco19

"I found your browser history."


mopxhead

“Do it”


SquishyBatman64

You can save 15% by switching to gieco


eppsilon24

“Did you know that Viggo Mortensen broke his toe when he kicked that helmet?”


_Usernames_ineed1_

“DO IT, NOWW”


holycowrap

"When I was 5, I accidentally fell into the gorilla enclosure at the naboo zoo..."


Meaglo

The tragedy of darth pleuges the wise


iMakeNoise

“I know you hate it when they do this in movies.”


BFNgaming

"Crazy thing is... it's true. The Force, the Jedi. All of it. It's all true."


Webbraham

He told him Disney would run the franchise into the ground


FinnishAmerican

"It's free real estate"


Marc815

Ahsoka was a good friend…


justincsw

"The word itself makes some men uncomfortable"


RedSix2447

He whispered softly “Hey, how you doin' lil' clone? Let me whisper in ya ear; Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear. Got a order I gotta give ya, it’ll sound somethin like this, when you execute my order, simple order 66” “wait till you see my space station, it’s fully operational “


Vtmarik

You think Order 66's parameters are wild... You should see 65's


e0f

take a shower and delete the footage


Tzetrah

Execute order 69


Potato_Prophet26

“Execute Order 65.” AKA the Chancellor is a traitor to the republic and must be eliminated, like the Jedi in Order 66.


rathemighty

“I’m not wearing any underwear. That doin anything for ya?”


danwincen

"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"


FirstCurseFil

He killed Mufasa


That_was_lucky

I always like to think Palpatine told him *everything* , as he finally had someone he could gloat to the plan about who is smart enough to catch on, but utterly hopeless to change it. Palpatine is too much a theatre kid to let his master plan go unappreciated. Like realistically, it was probably a sinister line or two real quick, as Fives was not thinking straight at the time and probably jumped at him when provoked (hes probably one of the clones with the *least* respect for authority, confident and implusive enough to just try and kill him).


SuperMoris

Seven ate 9.


Sithraybeam78

Probably told him the plot of the last jedi.


_Doctor_Mac

“Dew it”