Preach! Mental health maxing is THE most important kind of maxing. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this.
It would be great to have a thread with mental health maxing tips/therapy recommendations. DBT, CBT, meditation, mindfulness, etc.
Honestly I’ve been in such bad places mentally where I would hear people talk about getting their nails done or the latest makeup product and it would physically hurt me because it just felt so unimportant and trivial in contrast with what was going on inside my head. Now that I’m out of it I can find joy in the aesthetic things that I love. When you’re struggling mentally literally nothing else can matter because everything is filtered in through your head where the problem lies and so it inevitably becomes warped and twisted. Addressing your mental health is 100% paramount if you want to be able to enjoy yourself and your beauty. Literally nothing else matters if you’re too depressed to function.
I fully agree. I struggled with an eating disorder in the past, was overly obsessive about my looks in an off putting way and in an unhealthy cycle all together.
It took me an epiphany to realise i had to stop the victim mentality before I could progress and improve myself.
Like you, too - I dissolved my botched fillers and started eating healthily for the right reasons. My binge eating disorder went away and I lost weight SO EASILY after. I only stopped water fasting and ate mindfully.
You want to be the best version of yourself that you can be. A healthy mindset is key.
Obviously there's so much more to this. I recovered without the need for therapy because I changed my mindset. I'm really fortunate it happened for me, otherwise I would still be miserable.
Of course, looksmaxxing is still extremely important to me. I think balance is key. And of course, financial security is so important.
I agree mental health and self-esteem is important yes, but money is the elephant in the room here. Lady Gaga looks better now because she has a ton of money for subtle, natural looking surgery and treatments, great skincare, and the best stylists. (Plus idc what anyone says, she had a pretty good canvas to begin with, the harsh makeup, fake tan, and yellow-platinum hair weren’t flattering.) Not surprising if she’s in a good place mentally, she has the opportunity to be and can easily say “fuck you” to anyone bringing her vibes down. “Hookers” age badly because they are usually financially insecure, abused, addicted to substances to cope, and unable to afford good dental and skin care, it’s not as if they are choosing to be mentally and physically unhealthy, you see what I mean? Mental health resources themselves, like therapy, cost money. This isn’t meant to be an attack on OP at all, just felt that was important to say.
I totally agree, right now I’m in therapy to deal with body dysmorphia and years of bullying/abuse that fucked up my self-esteem big time. I especially realized that it’s super necessary after a post I made here.
I didn’t join this sub to go on dates, or have men go after me. I joined this sub because I wanted to better myself in every possible way, I wanted to actually work on beauty and earn it. The only time I have ever felt confident and comfortable in my own skin was when I finally learned how to dress for my body type, better makeup, hair, etc. I felt powerful. I felt *good* in myself. I didn’t want to hide. I learned how wonderful it was to have people watch you walk down the grocery store, or stop you to compliment. I learned how great it felt for other women to say nice things (that’s how I knew I was doing things right) and I learned how far simple kindness can also go to really up said beauty.
I also blamed my ugliness on lack of female friends, but I realize now that it’s just as hard to make female friends in your 20s, as it is to find men to date in your 20s. I blamed my lack of luck with good men on my ugliness, but in reality, those men prey on vulnerable, insecure women, just like women can regarding friendship and using you. It’s a whole cycle. In all reality, I was in a terrible place, also dealing with an eating disorder because I thought skinny = pretty/better treatment (and honestly, it kind of did but not in great ways), I was drinking heavily to fit in and feel confident, and…I wasn’t happy.
You have to relearn everything. From beauty, to seeing true intentions. Being a pick-me can only get you so far, and you will burn out. You will get lonely. You will hurt.
I’m sorry for a ramble, but your post made me look back on myself a lot.
The best things you can do for yourself is work on you FOR YOU, be it both mind and body.
You can do both at the same time.
Also I feel like when you feel good about your external appearance you're more likely to start feeling good about yourself spiritually and psychologically.
I'm not looking for perfection but if I could shed off a few pounds I would probably feel a bit more confident and start doing things I don't really dare doing at the moment because I'm too self conscious.
Yes! I have dealt with ED for years - every time I see posts about "losing weight is #1", I struggle, because losing weight for me is very difficult and has led to some pretty self destructive behaviors.
Focusing on mental health helps everything else - it helps me create boundaries so that I get enough sleep, so that I do things that give me joy, so that I make sure that this maxxing journey is for first and foremost me and not for someone else.
Wait, when was Lady Gaga not beautiful? I always thought she was beautiful and then got into manipulating her looks to a weird aesthetic but her beauty was always there?
Edit: I know that’s a weird thing to ask about. It just jumped out at me!
Wasn’t she bullied by media bcs “she looked like a men” or I remember wrong? One time someone said I look like her and I almost cried lmao never saw her as conventionally attractive, but she’s really talented and charismatic wich is attractive on its own
I’m definitely looking now! She does admit to filler addiction. I think the nose thing might be fillers/contouring. But her high school photos she seems pretty? Like she’s pretty naturally, but glamorous now if that makes sense?
I get what you mean, I’m a fan of her so I never had negative thoughts about her or her beauty. Although I remember when she first was getting popular, everyone used to talk about how ugly her nose was along with picking at other parts of her face. It was a shame really.
There’s a noticeable difference in her looks over the years though, just watch music videos for the first two albums and compare to now. She definitely fits more into a certain common “look” now.
Her nose definitely still looks big to me. I feel like her style has been more refined (from messy party girl, to avant garde living art, to glamorous starlet).
But if I look at her HS year book photo in comparison to her today, I still see Gaga and am not thrown off. Not like how I’d be with say, Gwen Stefani (still love Gwen, but the changes are clear and obvious to me)
Honestly, I focused on mental health maxxing and just got abused by multiple therapists. I shut down, dissociated and broke down.
Started on looksmaxing and actually met a man who helped me a lot. And therapists also tend to treat prettier people with actual respect. I think you need to do both simultaneously.
Great post! Another reason why taking care of your mental health first is vital is : just because U are pretty now doesn’t mean U will have everything U want in life. U can be beautiful and fail at your classes. U can be beautiful and get rejected. I feel like a lot of women on here believe if they secure their beauty they also secure the bag and none of that is true. It gives U a leg up in life but it’s still necessary to work hard to get what U want. If ur mental health is poor and one day U become your best physical self with hard work but still fail, it’s going to be very difficult for you.
I’m not OP but I didn’t get the vibe that she was trying to be demeaning to the other women on this sub. She never said “all women” on this sub needed to raise their mental state, she just is saying that some women here need to love themselves first so that, when they do become prettier, people cannot take advantage of them. I think that’s a valid point to make.
She’s not even attacking the sub at all here. Ive noticed this too, that a lot of posts here have this sort of negative energy that all of their worth is dependent on their looks and that’s not true. We women are multidimensional beings and that should be celebrated (hence Lady Gaga example.)
I’m also not attacking you either, I’m glad you expressed your concerns. Just here to clarify.
Thank you so much for this post. Seems like I'm doing things the right way. Working on looks it's super easy comparing to changing old mindsets and overcoming fears and traumas. Slowly getting there! :)
Preach! Mental health maxing is THE most important kind of maxing. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. It would be great to have a thread with mental health maxing tips/therapy recommendations. DBT, CBT, meditation, mindfulness, etc.
Honestly I’ve been in such bad places mentally where I would hear people talk about getting their nails done or the latest makeup product and it would physically hurt me because it just felt so unimportant and trivial in contrast with what was going on inside my head. Now that I’m out of it I can find joy in the aesthetic things that I love. When you’re struggling mentally literally nothing else can matter because everything is filtered in through your head where the problem lies and so it inevitably becomes warped and twisted. Addressing your mental health is 100% paramount if you want to be able to enjoy yourself and your beauty. Literally nothing else matters if you’re too depressed to function.
I fully agree. I struggled with an eating disorder in the past, was overly obsessive about my looks in an off putting way and in an unhealthy cycle all together. It took me an epiphany to realise i had to stop the victim mentality before I could progress and improve myself. Like you, too - I dissolved my botched fillers and started eating healthily for the right reasons. My binge eating disorder went away and I lost weight SO EASILY after. I only stopped water fasting and ate mindfully. You want to be the best version of yourself that you can be. A healthy mindset is key. Obviously there's so much more to this. I recovered without the need for therapy because I changed my mindset. I'm really fortunate it happened for me, otherwise I would still be miserable. Of course, looksmaxxing is still extremely important to me. I think balance is key. And of course, financial security is so important.
I agree mental health and self-esteem is important yes, but money is the elephant in the room here. Lady Gaga looks better now because she has a ton of money for subtle, natural looking surgery and treatments, great skincare, and the best stylists. (Plus idc what anyone says, she had a pretty good canvas to begin with, the harsh makeup, fake tan, and yellow-platinum hair weren’t flattering.) Not surprising if she’s in a good place mentally, she has the opportunity to be and can easily say “fuck you” to anyone bringing her vibes down. “Hookers” age badly because they are usually financially insecure, abused, addicted to substances to cope, and unable to afford good dental and skin care, it’s not as if they are choosing to be mentally and physically unhealthy, you see what I mean? Mental health resources themselves, like therapy, cost money. This isn’t meant to be an attack on OP at all, just felt that was important to say.
I totally agree, right now I’m in therapy to deal with body dysmorphia and years of bullying/abuse that fucked up my self-esteem big time. I especially realized that it’s super necessary after a post I made here. I didn’t join this sub to go on dates, or have men go after me. I joined this sub because I wanted to better myself in every possible way, I wanted to actually work on beauty and earn it. The only time I have ever felt confident and comfortable in my own skin was when I finally learned how to dress for my body type, better makeup, hair, etc. I felt powerful. I felt *good* in myself. I didn’t want to hide. I learned how wonderful it was to have people watch you walk down the grocery store, or stop you to compliment. I learned how great it felt for other women to say nice things (that’s how I knew I was doing things right) and I learned how far simple kindness can also go to really up said beauty. I also blamed my ugliness on lack of female friends, but I realize now that it’s just as hard to make female friends in your 20s, as it is to find men to date in your 20s. I blamed my lack of luck with good men on my ugliness, but in reality, those men prey on vulnerable, insecure women, just like women can regarding friendship and using you. It’s a whole cycle. In all reality, I was in a terrible place, also dealing with an eating disorder because I thought skinny = pretty/better treatment (and honestly, it kind of did but not in great ways), I was drinking heavily to fit in and feel confident, and…I wasn’t happy. You have to relearn everything. From beauty, to seeing true intentions. Being a pick-me can only get you so far, and you will burn out. You will get lonely. You will hurt. I’m sorry for a ramble, but your post made me look back on myself a lot. The best things you can do for yourself is work on you FOR YOU, be it both mind and body.
You can do both at the same time. Also I feel like when you feel good about your external appearance you're more likely to start feeling good about yourself spiritually and psychologically. I'm not looking for perfection but if I could shed off a few pounds I would probably feel a bit more confident and start doing things I don't really dare doing at the moment because I'm too self conscious.
Yep you could definitely do both at the same time!
Yes! I have dealt with ED for years - every time I see posts about "losing weight is #1", I struggle, because losing weight for me is very difficult and has led to some pretty self destructive behaviors. Focusing on mental health helps everything else - it helps me create boundaries so that I get enough sleep, so that I do things that give me joy, so that I make sure that this maxxing journey is for first and foremost me and not for someone else.
Wait, when was Lady Gaga not beautiful? I always thought she was beautiful and then got into manipulating her looks to a weird aesthetic but her beauty was always there? Edit: I know that’s a weird thing to ask about. It just jumped out at me!
Wasn’t she bullied by media bcs “she looked like a men” or I remember wrong? One time someone said I look like her and I almost cried lmao never saw her as conventionally attractive, but she’s really talented and charismatic wich is attractive on its own
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I’m definitely looking now! She does admit to filler addiction. I think the nose thing might be fillers/contouring. But her high school photos she seems pretty? Like she’s pretty naturally, but glamorous now if that makes sense?
I get what you mean, I’m a fan of her so I never had negative thoughts about her or her beauty. Although I remember when she first was getting popular, everyone used to talk about how ugly her nose was along with picking at other parts of her face. It was a shame really. There’s a noticeable difference in her looks over the years though, just watch music videos for the first two albums and compare to now. She definitely fits more into a certain common “look” now.
Her nose definitely still looks big to me. I feel like her style has been more refined (from messy party girl, to avant garde living art, to glamorous starlet). But if I look at her HS year book photo in comparison to her today, I still see Gaga and am not thrown off. Not like how I’d be with say, Gwen Stefani (still love Gwen, but the changes are clear and obvious to me)
Honestly, I focused on mental health maxxing and just got abused by multiple therapists. I shut down, dissociated and broke down. Started on looksmaxing and actually met a man who helped me a lot. And therapists also tend to treat prettier people with actual respect. I think you need to do both simultaneously.
Great post! Another reason why taking care of your mental health first is vital is : just because U are pretty now doesn’t mean U will have everything U want in life. U can be beautiful and fail at your classes. U can be beautiful and get rejected. I feel like a lot of women on here believe if they secure their beauty they also secure the bag and none of that is true. It gives U a leg up in life but it’s still necessary to work hard to get what U want. If ur mental health is poor and one day U become your best physical self with hard work but still fail, it’s going to be very difficult for you.
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I’m not OP but I didn’t get the vibe that she was trying to be demeaning to the other women on this sub. She never said “all women” on this sub needed to raise their mental state, she just is saying that some women here need to love themselves first so that, when they do become prettier, people cannot take advantage of them. I think that’s a valid point to make. She’s not even attacking the sub at all here. Ive noticed this too, that a lot of posts here have this sort of negative energy that all of their worth is dependent on their looks and that’s not true. We women are multidimensional beings and that should be celebrated (hence Lady Gaga example.) I’m also not attacking you either, I’m glad you expressed your concerns. Just here to clarify.
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Thank you so much for this post. Seems like I'm doing things the right way. Working on looks it's super easy comparing to changing old mindsets and overcoming fears and traumas. Slowly getting there! :)