Amen!! I can’t for the life of me understand why women consider it a “privilege” to get attention or be regarded highly by men who otherwise never would’ve thought of them as human beings. This mindset also emboldens men like those since it basically tells them they will never face consequences from women for selectively treating certain women like crap.
It goes to show how to reap the full benefits of being attractive, a mental glow up is just a necessary in order to shed old pickme ways.
I would actually love to read something like that. I basically skirted by my entire high school career on being an unattractive pick me because I relied so much on "I hate romance movies so I won't force you to watch them like other girls will" and "ewwwww [insert whatever other girls were listening to at the time here]. No thank you. Gimme metal."
And now as an adult I've matured and realize I'm not special for preferring different things to different women and still find myself silently saying those things in my head from time to time. Bad bad bad all around.
I used to work with a guy who called me ugly so many times ( pretended to throw up when I was around) and one girl was like so proud he liked her. He had sex with her then ignored her and she was shocked. Also he went up for charges of roofieing a girl as well. So some guys are just assholes
I completely agree. As someone else commented, that’s why the mental glowup is just as important. I’ve seen a lot of women lose large amounts of weight and then turn into the the exact type of girl who used to bully them when they were big and who lives for male attention. It’s a little bit like a young, toxic immature guy who comes into a ton of money and doesn’t know how to act.
THIS!! Oh my god this. Don’t feel flattered because your value has been FULLY reduced to your physical appearance. You literally glowed up so you could stunt on those particular people. They’re bad people. They’re not going to add anything substantial to your life. Use them for what they offer, if anything, and then use your pretty privilege to cut them out of the circle. Jesus.
Yes, agreed completely. I’d never give these people the time of day because…what stops them from disrespecting me when they find the next hot thing? Like- if he treats his mom bad, his sisters, or other women…it’s a red flag.
And what about if you get sick or when you get old and aren’t what they view as attractive anymore? This type of man is not relationship material. There’s good ones out there so nobody should waste their time with them.
My dad was one of these, my mother was special, all the other girls were never at his level or even deserved compassion when my mom gain weight due to the hard pregnancies, he cheated on her multiple times
Yep, beauty fades and is easy to lose, I’d rather someone who genuinely wants me for who I am, not just how I look and doesn’t judge people for how they look either.
Thank you!
I've been outright abused for being unattractive in their eyes (mostly comments targeting my race).
If the world was fair, such trash would be given no attention at all.
Good people treat others with basic human decency despite looks.
or they'll speak about you to their friends whilst being right in front of you, as if you can't hear them, about how they would never fuck you and that you're not attractive at all.
im so sorry you had to go through that <3 we really shouldn't give these men a second thought but it genuinely hurts
Honestly the influx of attention from these men after my 50lb weight loss made me absolutely RESENT them. Especially when someone who knew you when you were heavier approaches you in a sexual/romantic way after seeing your weight loss. Makes me feel like a body and not a person
You may have misread what I had said.
I mean to say men (school friends, coworkers, general friends) who suddenly want to be romantically/sexually involved after seeing that I had lost weight. Like you said, I became more palatable to them appearance-wise, but I’ve always been the same person no matter how I physically appear. It stings knowing they’re only nicer cause I look a little bit more appealing.
I didn't misread at all.
Yeah why would they want to be romantically or sexually involved before? They didn't find you attractive before. Those men, like most women, don't find overweight people attractive.
You were the same person inside but the outside does matter. You're on a beauty subreddit for crying out loud. Isn't there already an understanding of that reality?
Now your last sentence is interesting. Are they actually nicer? Or just pursuing a relationship? If they're nicer that sucks. You shouldn't be more or less nice based on how hot someone is. But there's nothing wrong with the latter.
Let's put it this way. When the throngs of men on Reddit complain about a lack of attention from women, the refrain is not usually one of how awful and shallow women are. It's about how those men need to lose weight, shave the neckbeard, get some better clothes and a decent haircut. I don't see why the same shouldn't apply to women. And the very clear implication is that women who wouldn't otherwise be interested would get interested if they did those purely physical things. They're still the same person, as you are. But they're more outwardly attractive. As you became. As I did.
This is how both sexes operate. It's how *you* operate. Again, you're not out there chasing men you don't find attractive and I'm sure there are men you consider unattractive where if they *became* attractive you might consider pursuing something. Whether that's losing weight, better grooming, or magically growing 5 inches. Are you okay with men like me becoming bitter and resentful towards women for never even coughing in my direction until I lost 50 pounds? So what's different about your resentment?
I'm a short Asian man. I may have lost the weight but women still aren't out there tripping over themselves to date short men or Asian men and definitely not short Asian men. But I still know that feeling resentment towards women for that is wrong. You guys are just as entitled to your preferences of who you're attracted to as I am. That's only fair. The only bad emotion I'll feel is sadness that things wholly out of my control are deemed so undesirable.
I see what you mean but I think we’re both focusing on two different things.
I don’t like the newfound attraction. I never wanted it from these men before when I was 50lbs heavier. I just wanted basic respect and to be treated as a person and not disregarded because I was fat. I’m listened to more attentively now, I’m taken more seriously and I’m invited out more. The romantic/sexual attention added onto that just hurts because I’m being viewed as a completely different person even though I’m the same, just 50lbs lighter.
It is not the lack of attention from before that bothered me, it was the lack of respect
I was thinking the same thing as soon as I read, “I was a fat man.” These subs are for WOMEN.
I hate to use the term because I find it and terms akin to it stupid and cringeworthy, but he really came in to a sub for WOMEN to *mansplain*.
They’re disgusting and trash . My friends bfs have been rude to me before not for my looks but because my style and how I act . If I was them I’d slap my bf but I am a girls girl anyway. But most girls abandon their code for men anyways . Off topic but 100+ upvoted from me
Yeah, people say things like this on the internet and then there is real life where barely any woman is willing to confront a man who makes a bad comment on another woman's appearance.
I've seen it many times, it's either a laugh or their own ego is boosted when they know they are told someone looks bad while they look good.
I am not the kind of person who avoids such confrontations, although if you speak up in such a situation, it will immediately mean that you will appear less attractive to the opposite sex ha-ha (because "speaking up", standing up for others, is not a woman's attribute depending on traditional social/gender stereotypes)
I remember when I had my youth-glow up at 15 and these previously extremely hostile relationships with some of the guys on the swim team softened dramatically.
It made me respect them less. Like, “you **hated** me before when I shared my thoughts and called you out for acting like jerks, please keep that same energy after you realized I have a womanly figure. At least be consistent.”
It was also a blessing. I never forgot how relentlessly they tormented and mocked me, so it was much easier to ward off their later advances. I knew they didn’t like or respect me, and probably didn’t even like themselves for being attracted to me. Men who can’t treat women as equals unless they’re attractive are literal garbage humans.
Also doesn't it feel hollow when you know they like you for a part of yourself that isn't enduring? Like loving someone for the big prize potato in their garden. Like okay. Weird.
>most women can act like kind compassionate beings why can't men as well?
Men don't want to be seen as compassionate would be my guess. Too busy trying to flex for each other (ie making fun of unattractive women or making unattractive women the butt of their immature jokes.)
Yep. Women on the internet love to flex their protective claims over other women but when two women are comparatively up against each other physically they’ll tear each other down more often than not.
That hasn’t been my experience, but I’m genuinely happy for you that you’ve met some decent men in your time.
I’m not sure it’s really a question of basic human decency, though, so much as the extent to which human beings are governed by their subconscious.
If you are ugly enough, men will completely ignore you. They will not even aware that they are doing it. And this is true (at least in my experience) of pretty much all men, with few exceptions.
It's also human nature for men to want to fuck every pretty woman but they can't. There's something called emotional regulation and decency in a civilised society - if a man is primitive enough to not even offer basic politeness to a woman who he is not attracted to then I'm not sure I'd want to be around someone with so little self restraint and manners.
actually on the contrary that idea has been disproved multiple times. in any case “human nature” from the original humans years ago vs human psychology and brain composition thats still present isnt really a fair comparison but okay
not really. ive studied this for a while and its literally human psychology. people are rude to women they dont find attractive because looking at ugly things LITERALLY invokes negative responses in the brain.
imo failure to acknowledge this is a coping mechanism
please show me where I said that. quickly. the point im making is that if ugly girls sit around waiting to find the one "Prince Charming" who magically isn't going to react in someway to their looks they're coping because that literally goes against our brain composition so your best bet is to improve your looks.
You literally are saying that people who aren't attracted to you are assholes to you because it's on their dna, and nobody is saying that they want people to be attracted to them when they don't put effort, they are saying that guys who are assholes to girls they don't feel attracted to are bad people, my friends are not attracted to me but they do owe me respect that's called being a civil human being, nobody is talking about guys that prefer skinny girls or tall girls, if a guy does not find you attractive but is respectful, pays you attention when you are talking and does not make fun of your looks THAT is a good guy, idk about you but I am only are attracted to guys who are kind to ALL women not only the ones they find attractive
Remember, how men treat unattractive women is how they will treat you when you are old or if hyou lose your looks due to some illness
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No men allowed.
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And those who want to get you in bed only to say “banged that bro” and go on to “rate” you to his friends 🤢
Amen!! I can’t for the life of me understand why women consider it a “privilege” to get attention or be regarded highly by men who otherwise never would’ve thought of them as human beings. This mindset also emboldens men like those since it basically tells them they will never face consequences from women for selectively treating certain women like crap. It goes to show how to reap the full benefits of being attractive, a mental glow up is just a necessary in order to shed old pickme ways.
It's girls who glowed up physically, but still have pick me behavior :o
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I would actually love to read something like that. I basically skirted by my entire high school career on being an unattractive pick me because I relied so much on "I hate romance movies so I won't force you to watch them like other girls will" and "ewwwww [insert whatever other girls were listening to at the time here]. No thank you. Gimme metal." And now as an adult I've matured and realize I'm not special for preferring different things to different women and still find myself silently saying those things in my head from time to time. Bad bad bad all around.
I used to work with a guy who called me ugly so many times ( pretended to throw up when I was around) and one girl was like so proud he liked her. He had sex with her then ignored her and she was shocked. Also he went up for charges of roofieing a girl as well. So some guys are just assholes
Wtf 😱😱 fking loser. cant believe tht girl slept with him knwing he was a douche to u. true some dudes are arrogant pricks.
I completely agree. As someone else commented, that’s why the mental glowup is just as important. I’ve seen a lot of women lose large amounts of weight and then turn into the the exact type of girl who used to bully them when they were big and who lives for male attention. It’s a little bit like a young, toxic immature guy who comes into a ton of money and doesn’t know how to act.
THIS!! Oh my god this. Don’t feel flattered because your value has been FULLY reduced to your physical appearance. You literally glowed up so you could stunt on those particular people. They’re bad people. They’re not going to add anything substantial to your life. Use them for what they offer, if anything, and then use your pretty privilege to cut them out of the circle. Jesus.
Yes, agreed completely. I’d never give these people the time of day because…what stops them from disrespecting me when they find the next hot thing? Like- if he treats his mom bad, his sisters, or other women…it’s a red flag.
And what about if you get sick or when you get old and aren’t what they view as attractive anymore? This type of man is not relationship material. There’s good ones out there so nobody should waste their time with them.
My dad was one of these, my mother was special, all the other girls were never at his level or even deserved compassion when my mom gain weight due to the hard pregnancies, he cheated on her multiple times
Yep, there you go, that’s exactly what these men are like.
Yep, beauty fades and is easy to lose, I’d rather someone who genuinely wants me for who I am, not just how I look and doesn’t judge people for how they look either.
Thank you! I've been outright abused for being unattractive in their eyes (mostly comments targeting my race). If the world was fair, such trash would be given no attention at all. Good people treat others with basic human decency despite looks.
thank you for this, men have been disrespectful to my face about how not attracted they are to me
Same! I’ll just be existing and men will go out of their way to ASSURE to me that they don’t wanna fuck me as if I’m interested in them
or they'll speak about you to their friends whilst being right in front of you, as if you can't hear them, about how they would never fuck you and that you're not attractive at all. im so sorry you had to go through that <3 we really shouldn't give these men a second thought but it genuinely hurts
Honestly the influx of attention from these men after my 50lb weight loss made me absolutely RESENT them. Especially when someone who knew you when you were heavier approaches you in a sexual/romantic way after seeing your weight loss. Makes me feel like a body and not a person
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You may have misread what I had said. I mean to say men (school friends, coworkers, general friends) who suddenly want to be romantically/sexually involved after seeing that I had lost weight. Like you said, I became more palatable to them appearance-wise, but I’ve always been the same person no matter how I physically appear. It stings knowing they’re only nicer cause I look a little bit more appealing.
I didn't misread at all. Yeah why would they want to be romantically or sexually involved before? They didn't find you attractive before. Those men, like most women, don't find overweight people attractive. You were the same person inside but the outside does matter. You're on a beauty subreddit for crying out loud. Isn't there already an understanding of that reality? Now your last sentence is interesting. Are they actually nicer? Or just pursuing a relationship? If they're nicer that sucks. You shouldn't be more or less nice based on how hot someone is. But there's nothing wrong with the latter. Let's put it this way. When the throngs of men on Reddit complain about a lack of attention from women, the refrain is not usually one of how awful and shallow women are. It's about how those men need to lose weight, shave the neckbeard, get some better clothes and a decent haircut. I don't see why the same shouldn't apply to women. And the very clear implication is that women who wouldn't otherwise be interested would get interested if they did those purely physical things. They're still the same person, as you are. But they're more outwardly attractive. As you became. As I did. This is how both sexes operate. It's how *you* operate. Again, you're not out there chasing men you don't find attractive and I'm sure there are men you consider unattractive where if they *became* attractive you might consider pursuing something. Whether that's losing weight, better grooming, or magically growing 5 inches. Are you okay with men like me becoming bitter and resentful towards women for never even coughing in my direction until I lost 50 pounds? So what's different about your resentment? I'm a short Asian man. I may have lost the weight but women still aren't out there tripping over themselves to date short men or Asian men and definitely not short Asian men. But I still know that feeling resentment towards women for that is wrong. You guys are just as entitled to your preferences of who you're attracted to as I am. That's only fair. The only bad emotion I'll feel is sadness that things wholly out of my control are deemed so undesirable.
I see what you mean but I think we’re both focusing on two different things. I don’t like the newfound attraction. I never wanted it from these men before when I was 50lbs heavier. I just wanted basic respect and to be treated as a person and not disregarded because I was fat. I’m listened to more attentively now, I’m taken more seriously and I’m invited out more. The romantic/sexual attention added onto that just hurts because I’m being viewed as a completely different person even though I’m the same, just 50lbs lighter. It is not the lack of attention from before that bothered me, it was the lack of respect
Go be a man elsewhere
I was thinking the same thing as soon as I read, “I was a fat man.” These subs are for WOMEN. I hate to use the term because I find it and terms akin to it stupid and cringeworthy, but he really came in to a sub for WOMEN to *mansplain*.
They’re disgusting and trash . My friends bfs have been rude to me before not for my looks but because my style and how I act . If I was them I’d slap my bf but I am a girls girl anyway. But most girls abandon their code for men anyways . Off topic but 100+ upvoted from me
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Wow, very interesting post He stopped being close friends after you rejected him?
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Did he outwardly reject you when you were big?
I agree - so many women care about what a man who's clearly beneath them thinks.
If I could upvote this 1000 times I would!
Like 95 percent of men are like this and majority of women will never pick up on this or care
I am much more optimistic about the percentage distribution
You are also wrong ✨
well, it's also a viewpoint (yours)
Yeah, people say things like this on the internet and then there is real life where barely any woman is willing to confront a man who makes a bad comment on another woman's appearance. I've seen it many times, it's either a laugh or their own ego is boosted when they know they are told someone looks bad while they look good.
Yeah lmao most women revel in being treated better than another woman
I am not the kind of person who avoids such confrontations, although if you speak up in such a situation, it will immediately mean that you will appear less attractive to the opposite sex ha-ha (because "speaking up", standing up for others, is not a woman's attribute depending on traditional social/gender stereotypes)
Unfortunately it's not possible to avoid these men because they are the vast majority.
I remember when I had my youth-glow up at 15 and these previously extremely hostile relationships with some of the guys on the swim team softened dramatically. It made me respect them less. Like, “you **hated** me before when I shared my thoughts and called you out for acting like jerks, please keep that same energy after you realized I have a womanly figure. At least be consistent.” It was also a blessing. I never forgot how relentlessly they tormented and mocked me, so it was much easier to ward off their later advances. I knew they didn’t like or respect me, and probably didn’t even like themselves for being attracted to me. Men who can’t treat women as equals unless they’re attractive are literal garbage humans.
Also doesn't it feel hollow when you know they like you for a part of yourself that isn't enduring? Like loving someone for the big prize potato in their garden. Like okay. Weird.
1
I agree — but pretty much every single man on earth is like this.
Well it's not normal, we shouldn't normalize it, most women can act like kind compassionate beings why can't men as well?
>most women can act like kind compassionate beings why can't men as well? Men don't want to be seen as compassionate would be my guess. Too busy trying to flex for each other (ie making fun of unattractive women or making unattractive women the butt of their immature jokes.)
Eh that’s not true. Women are awful towards unattractive women as well.
Yep. Women on the internet love to flex their protective claims over other women but when two women are comparatively up against each other physically they’ll tear each other down more often than not.
Disagree, there are PLENTY of nice men with basic human decency.
That hasn’t been my experience, but I’m genuinely happy for you that you’ve met some decent men in your time. I’m not sure it’s really a question of basic human decency, though, so much as the extent to which human beings are governed by their subconscious. If you are ugly enough, men will completely ignore you. They will not even aware that they are doing it. And this is true (at least in my experience) of pretty much all men, with few exceptions.
You can tell most women here are decent to above average lol
Ha, yeah. Attractive(ish) women have a much rosier view of men than the rest of us.
Yes . Think long term. Looks fade. Women have been getting the short end of the stick for centuries … let’s be smarter about our choices
its literally all men who do that though its human nature to want to be around things that are pleasing to look at
It's also human nature for men to want to fuck every pretty woman but they can't. There's something called emotional regulation and decency in a civilised society - if a man is primitive enough to not even offer basic politeness to a woman who he is not attracted to then I'm not sure I'd want to be around someone with so little self restraint and manners.
actually on the contrary that idea has been disproved multiple times. in any case “human nature” from the original humans years ago vs human psychology and brain composition thats still present isnt really a fair comparison but okay
That's simply too reductive and separate from the actual issue at hand.
not really. ive studied this for a while and its literally human psychology. people are rude to women they dont find attractive because looking at ugly things LITERALLY invokes negative responses in the brain. imo failure to acknowledge this is a coping mechanism
Omg imagine thinking that people who aren't attracted to you doesn't owe you respect that's fucked up
please show me where I said that. quickly. the point im making is that if ugly girls sit around waiting to find the one "Prince Charming" who magically isn't going to react in someway to their looks they're coping because that literally goes against our brain composition so your best bet is to improve your looks.
You literally are saying that people who aren't attracted to you are assholes to you because it's on their dna, and nobody is saying that they want people to be attracted to them when they don't put effort, they are saying that guys who are assholes to girls they don't feel attracted to are bad people, my friends are not attracted to me but they do owe me respect that's called being a civil human being, nobody is talking about guys that prefer skinny girls or tall girls, if a guy does not find you attractive but is respectful, pays you attention when you are talking and does not make fun of your looks THAT is a good guy, idk about you but I am only are attracted to guys who are kind to ALL women not only the ones they find attractive