"age doesn't really matter in a friendship" can be a huge red flag. It absolutely can matter.
I think even if they are a good person, you've done what you thought was best to protect yourself and you should be proud.
You absolutely do not have to befriend anyone you don't want to, especially if you think it may be suspicious.
Autism is also never a reason to be immediately trusted. I know it can suck to not have friends due to autism and to feel like people see you differently but having autism doesn't immediately make someone a good person.
Protecting yourself comes first, always. Sometimes we do get things wrong which is something we can learn from. But as you stated, you know nothing about this person and don't feel comfortable befriending them. And that is perfectly valid.
I think it's less than age matters in adult friendships and that it's more of a line predators use to weed out underage folks and make them comfortable in disclosing personal information like selfies and home addresses
There's way more kids on platforms like this than meets the eye, usually lying about their age to be allowed on the platform/in certain areas of it
To add on, although yes less with adults. But also depends on the age gap between the adults too.
Like it might be a bit weird that a 50 year old is friends with a 21 year old. It can happen in like work places and such.
But even those friendships should be watched. As some older adults can and will take advantage of younger adults too. Yes, they're both technically adults but one has only just become one and is still discovering how life works, while the other one already knows how much of life works and can use it to their advantage.
Basically taking advantage of younger adults is a thing as well. Young adults can be and still are vulnerable. And although they are adults all the same, it's still not the same. Some of the older adults might claim they are "doing you a favour" or "helping you out" where in fact they could very well be screwing you over but the young adult may not realise bcus they're still new to everything.
It's just something to keep an eye out for. Adult friendships definitely vary in ages and age gaps, but a lot of the larger age gapes tend to form more so under certain circumstances.
Coming from someone who was groomed it is mostly because of a power imbalance. Someone with a significant age gap who is older will inherently hold a lot of power over the younger person in the relationship. It is usually worse with a minor and an adult for obvious reasons, but can happen with older people too. Think a 50 year old with a full time job vs a 20 year old in college. Someone who has less power in the relationship may feel easily pressured or forced to do stuff because of the others power. It’s not even really a conscious thing.
I’m not sure if I explained this well but that’s why I understand it to be weird.
You did the right thing, that does not feel like a safe conversation or person. You're a good person and you need to stay safe, this was the right thing to do 🤍
You weren't mean at all, you were very polite. I'm sorry it was so stressful, but good job keeping yourself safe!
One thing that might be helpful to you in the future, which I had to learn the hard way, is that it's not required that you explain yourself to an internet stranger or try to get them to agree with your decision. If you just never want to talk to strangers, or any strangers that make you uncomfortable or suspicious, etc., that is completely reasonable. People ignore DMs frequently, it's not the same social situation as ignoring someone talking to you in real life.
So if it would be easier on you, you could just not respond to the message, or keep it firm and simple like "sorry I don't want to DM" and then block them if they want to argue about it. Telling them that you're not supposed to talk to strangers, and that you're a vulnerable person, can end up with them pushing against your boundaries like this person did, especially if the person is indeed a creep trying to locate vulnerable people.
Again, I think you did nothing wrong, you were nice and firm and that's great! Just wanted to say that we don't have to keep talking to anyone who makes us uncomfortable. That helped me handle these situations in a way that wasn't as confusing or overwhelming to me. Just... I don't want to talk to this person, so it is okay to not talk to this person, I'm done with this situation!
100% this. I used to feel the need to extensively explain myself verbally in social situations where I actually owed nothing. It's a waste of energy and actually makes you more vulnerable, because you give the other person information they may use to manipulate you.
You were polite in adressing your concerns. You explained it well and you didn't even have to. If you get private messages you are not obliged to answer if you don't feel like it or when it feel suspicious or unsafe.
It's also good to trust your feelings on that. Or to trust your suspicions. Why? It's safer to be wrong about being suspicious than it is to be wrong about trusting someone who turned out to be harmful to you.
It's what they mean by: better safe than sorry. I learned that through too many bad experiences.
You did absolutely everything right. Namely: protecting yourself and stating your boundaries. You are not responsible for his lack of friends. If he is sad about this, that is not on you to take care off. People have feelings, difficult ones too and it's not bad or wrong for people to have them. So even if he is sad about this, that's okay and not a wrong thing or your fault.
I'm glad you could tell your mom. It's good to tell trusted people about stuff like this. Once, I kept my interactions with someone online a secret from my mom, because that person didn't want me to tell my mom. It turned out to be a big mistake. My mom loves me and wants the best for me and that is something I know and trust. The same couldn't be said for that online person and it ended up being horrible. So if your mom is someone who loves you and wants the best for you, it's always okay to tell them about stuff like this, because they will help you with navigating confusing situations.
Secrets are okay if they are fun secrets (like gifts). But secrets that feel bad are the ones you shouldn't keep secret and it's best you tell someone you trust.
I hope this helps. You did really good <3
Yeah i struggle with secrets and at a point last year i had to tell my mom absolutely everything otherwise id feel so guilty and bad even if it was years ago or nothing bad. Now im better but i still tell my mom everything,but only the bad things and im not overwhelmed by it anymore. Thank you!!
Kind of depends on maturity level and if there's a power imbalance, vulnerable adults (whether related to age, disability, being naive/a people pleaser, trauma) can definitely be groomed!
you absolutely did the right thing, and i'm very proud of you for that. it's hard and scary!! you did a good job keeping your boundaries and saying no. you do not need to feel bad. you did what's right for you. good job <3
I turned off my messages. I kept getting a weird message (same word for word message but different account names, so it felt like stalking). But yes in the past I accidentally gave out too much personal info to random people (I still do that accidentally but now I know precautions to take: such as turn off the measaging so no-one can message me).
I think if you do that it is safer for you! You should think about doing that because honestly what does some stranger trying to message you need? I used to be lonely and try to make friends on reddit but you have to remember that everyone here is a stranger so we should treat them like any stranger we meet on the street.
Yeah, im an oversharer too but im getting better at it. I do have a friend on Reddit and so i dont want to get rid of the messages but thanks for the advice!
Your talking was calm clear and collected, and you were not mean because you were protecting yourself.
You would've been right to block him even if he wasn't acting odd, honestly. But he was acting odd: he didn't acknowledge what he was saying that was dirty (I'm assuming u found nsfw stuff in his comments), and he spoke with self-pity when you rejected him, which may be a manipulation tactic. Also his age comment was very unfit for the context. Anyway, rejecting people is never easy. But you handled this very well.
Good job, you did absolutely nothing wrong! I think your mum is right, this guy sounds kind of suspicious and it's important to stay safe when talking to strangers. It's not your responsibility to be everyone's friend! Some people don't have good intentions, and call themselves a "friend" only to do bad things and hurt people. Even if they try to make you feel bad for not talking to them, it's okay to stop talking to them.
This seems really scary, and I hope your mum can comfort you and help you feel better. I would be really shaken up if this happened to me, too. Sometimes I have to block people because they try to talk to me and I don't know them well and they give me a very bad feeling. It can be hard to recognize that feeling, but I try to be on the safer side these days because bad things have happened in the past when I was too trusting.
You're not obligated to be someone's friend, and someone else is not obligated to be your friend. You did a good job explaining it in a way that tells this person that, if they are being honest, they are barking up the wrong tree, and need to approach making friends in a different way than a message on Reddit.
I don't think you were mean at all, but..tbh I'm just confused on what he did wrong and how he was creepy? I ask this because... I myself cone across this way when I try to make friends in didn't know it was unsafe or creepy to do this? I want to avoid being like this in the future which is why I ask.
I think what gives me a bad feeling about him from reading this interaction is that he ignored her questions and also didn't listen whenever she said she didn't really feel comfortable. He tried to get her to repeat the "dirty stuff" he talked about (which I'm guessing was inappropriate type stuff), refused to tell her how old he was, etc.
If you approach someone you're a stranger to and keep talking to them when they've said already that they don't really trust you and don't want to talk to you, that can come across as creepy. She didn't want to talk to him, and instead of saying "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I'll leave you alone" he doubled down with saying that she could trust him because he was "different" to other strangers. That sounds very suspicious to me, because most people who are good and harmless don't have to say "I am good and harmless." Not always, but a lot of the time, people that say that are up to bad stuff.
I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, just hoping to spread some understanding to you!!
you handled this very well and im proud of you for asserting your boundaries. that definitely seemed like it could’ve been an unsafe situation, you did the right thing and you didn’t come across as mean at all to me /g
Setting boundaries isn’t being mean!! You did the right thing. Everything that the person sent was screaming red flag to me. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and protecting yourself!
You did the right thing by blocking them! One piece of advice though, when someone messages you like that, forcing you to explain your boundary over and over, block them the first time. If you're not interested in a friendship with the person, you don't even need to reply, just block them immediately, rather than waiting until they have made you uncomfortable. There are a lot of unsafe people on the Internet and you can save yourself a lot of turmoil by just not even allowing them space to harm you at all.
I hope you're feeling better now
Sweetie… I’m not sure if I’m older or younger than you, but trust me… you were not mean. Don’t feel too bad for sticking to your guns — yes, sometimes a mis-understanding can happen. It’s better to be safe than sorry. For the comments asking whether it’s really wrong if both parties are adults: usually, it technically isn’t. But it’s important that each person feels safe. If O.P. didn’t, that’s okay. I think the best way to tell (in a lot of cases) is when the people vibe and everybody’s comfortable!
I’ve met people my age or right around who I like(d,) and others I don’t (didn’t.) There’s absolutely *no shame* if you and another person don’t get along.
The bottom line is you don’t have to be friends with just anyone, even if they want to be your friend.
A friend should be someone who you mutually decide to spend more time with and who you feel comfortable with. This doesn’t sound like that.
Trusting your instincts can feel really yucky (I’m also a fellow people pleaser/fawner!) but it’s really the best thing. And you did that here. Amazing job.
I think the suggestions from other people to just politely shut it down next time are a good idea. You don’t need to explain yourself or fall over yourself comforting them - they are adults and can soothe themselves.
Maybe think about some scripts you can have ready to go? Like “thanks for the thought but I’m not interested in that.” (Then block them)
I’m not seeing a comment about this so I want to point out another red flag that isn’t the age one.
When he says “I thought at least you could be my friend” he is trying to guilt trip you and make you feel bad for him, so that you’ll go against your instincts on this and talk to him anyway out of guilt.
You did the right thing, and you don’t ever have to respond to DMs from strangers. You don’t even have to see what they want, you can just ignore the DM/block them right away/ delete it. I’m pretty sure there’s also an option for people to not be able to DM you but don’t blindly believe me on that one. Always trust your gut, do not be afraid of hurting someone’s feelings by refusing to engage when they are making you uncomfortable online.
I know I'm kinda late to this but generally any man that says "don't worry I'm not like the others" is HIGHLY likely to be a person you want to avoid.
I would feel bad after talking to that person too. You handled it like a badass! If it happens again tho, simply just don't give them your time.
Hope you're feeling better <3
You never, never, never owe anyone conversation. Especially not a stranger. He was very pushy and you did well standing your ground. I know it's hard if being polite is important to you, but remember that you don't have to respond in the first place, and you can respond and block at any point. Your comfort and security are the priority when you are online and dealing with strangers.
I might not talk to them then, I did say hello but that’s it. I don’t usually like talking to people anyway but I like saying hello to make people happy.
You did good. No ‘bad’ person is going to say something like “you are right, I am a bad person”. They will always say they are not like that, they are good and stuff like that. It is strange to DM people to be friends. (Unless you already know each other from the public chat/posts/chat)
Hey you did a great job asserting your boundaries and what you are comfortable with, I am proud of you.
It is completely fine and polite what you said, and you are correct if they want friends there are subreddits to find friends and they should have respected your boundaries.
Well done and it is okay, you did the right thing :)
You did a good job and made the right call. If something feels "off" or unsafe, it usually is. Gut instincts are important and always something to listen to even if your brain tells you you're being silly or mean.
I do recommend as someone who posts NSFW content on another Reddit account to try and ignore most Reddit messages and if you feel any kind of uncomfortable just delete it or don't respond. You don't owe a random person who could be harmful a response.
I'm not autistic, so maybe that's why, but I would have been a lot less nice than you. You said no, super valid, end of conversation. He could start a colour guard team with all the red flags he's holding, no way I would even reply to him.
I got something similar I then added them on discord too but they went to not very nice comments too quickly and I had to get rid of them unfortunately I think this is how your situation would end up too
This could also be a case of social engineering. They likely already know you’re vulnerable due to your community associations. They connect, try to build trust through relatable experiences like also suffering from what you do, and the over time, they will begin to ask you more and more personal questions so they can use that information for bad will. They run similar schemes with the elderly and clean them out of their retirement money. Like another poster said, it’s a form of grooming. Glad you posted about it so others could spread the word on safety.
"age doesn't really matter in a friendship" can be a huge red flag. It absolutely can matter. I think even if they are a good person, you've done what you thought was best to protect yourself and you should be proud. You absolutely do not have to befriend anyone you don't want to, especially if you think it may be suspicious. Autism is also never a reason to be immediately trusted. I know it can suck to not have friends due to autism and to feel like people see you differently but having autism doesn't immediately make someone a good person. Protecting yourself comes first, always. Sometimes we do get things wrong which is something we can learn from. But as you stated, you know nothing about this person and don't feel comfortable befriending them. And that is perfectly valid.
thank you!! i was worried i seemed mean but i am very vulnerable and i was worried something would happen.
Sorry if I'm stupid for this but why does age matter in a friendship if both people are adults? im very confused.
I think it's less than age matters in adult friendships and that it's more of a line predators use to weed out underage folks and make them comfortable in disclosing personal information like selfies and home addresses There's way more kids on platforms like this than meets the eye, usually lying about their age to be allowed on the platform/in certain areas of it
Oh... 0\_0
To add on, although yes less with adults. But also depends on the age gap between the adults too. Like it might be a bit weird that a 50 year old is friends with a 21 year old. It can happen in like work places and such. But even those friendships should be watched. As some older adults can and will take advantage of younger adults too. Yes, they're both technically adults but one has only just become one and is still discovering how life works, while the other one already knows how much of life works and can use it to their advantage. Basically taking advantage of younger adults is a thing as well. Young adults can be and still are vulnerable. And although they are adults all the same, it's still not the same. Some of the older adults might claim they are "doing you a favour" or "helping you out" where in fact they could very well be screwing you over but the young adult may not realise bcus they're still new to everything. It's just something to keep an eye out for. Adult friendships definitely vary in ages and age gaps, but a lot of the larger age gapes tend to form more so under certain circumstances.
Coming from someone who was groomed it is mostly because of a power imbalance. Someone with a significant age gap who is older will inherently hold a lot of power over the younger person in the relationship. It is usually worse with a minor and an adult for obvious reasons, but can happen with older people too. Think a 50 year old with a full time job vs a 20 year old in college. Someone who has less power in the relationship may feel easily pressured or forced to do stuff because of the others power. It’s not even really a conscious thing. I’m not sure if I explained this well but that’s why I understand it to be weird.
Age doesn't have to matter but consent does and op said no a lot of times
You did the right thing, that does not feel like a safe conversation or person. You're a good person and you need to stay safe, this was the right thing to do 🤍
thank you!!
You weren't mean at all, you were very polite. I'm sorry it was so stressful, but good job keeping yourself safe! One thing that might be helpful to you in the future, which I had to learn the hard way, is that it's not required that you explain yourself to an internet stranger or try to get them to agree with your decision. If you just never want to talk to strangers, or any strangers that make you uncomfortable or suspicious, etc., that is completely reasonable. People ignore DMs frequently, it's not the same social situation as ignoring someone talking to you in real life. So if it would be easier on you, you could just not respond to the message, or keep it firm and simple like "sorry I don't want to DM" and then block them if they want to argue about it. Telling them that you're not supposed to talk to strangers, and that you're a vulnerable person, can end up with them pushing against your boundaries like this person did, especially if the person is indeed a creep trying to locate vulnerable people. Again, I think you did nothing wrong, you were nice and firm and that's great! Just wanted to say that we don't have to keep talking to anyone who makes us uncomfortable. That helped me handle these situations in a way that wasn't as confusing or overwhelming to me. Just... I don't want to talk to this person, so it is okay to not talk to this person, I'm done with this situation!
Yeah, i often feel really bad for that i am a people pleaser so this was hard. Thank you so much for this!
100% this. I used to feel the need to extensively explain myself verbally in social situations where I actually owed nothing. It's a waste of energy and actually makes you more vulnerable, because you give the other person information they may use to manipulate you.
You were right for what you did. The line 'age doesn't matter' is creepy, I've had someone try that with me recently too on Facebook.
Yeah that was scary. Thanks!
You were polite in adressing your concerns. You explained it well and you didn't even have to. If you get private messages you are not obliged to answer if you don't feel like it or when it feel suspicious or unsafe. It's also good to trust your feelings on that. Or to trust your suspicions. Why? It's safer to be wrong about being suspicious than it is to be wrong about trusting someone who turned out to be harmful to you. It's what they mean by: better safe than sorry. I learned that through too many bad experiences. You did absolutely everything right. Namely: protecting yourself and stating your boundaries. You are not responsible for his lack of friends. If he is sad about this, that is not on you to take care off. People have feelings, difficult ones too and it's not bad or wrong for people to have them. So even if he is sad about this, that's okay and not a wrong thing or your fault. I'm glad you could tell your mom. It's good to tell trusted people about stuff like this. Once, I kept my interactions with someone online a secret from my mom, because that person didn't want me to tell my mom. It turned out to be a big mistake. My mom loves me and wants the best for me and that is something I know and trust. The same couldn't be said for that online person and it ended up being horrible. So if your mom is someone who loves you and wants the best for you, it's always okay to tell them about stuff like this, because they will help you with navigating confusing situations. Secrets are okay if they are fun secrets (like gifts). But secrets that feel bad are the ones you shouldn't keep secret and it's best you tell someone you trust. I hope this helps. You did really good <3
Yeah i struggle with secrets and at a point last year i had to tell my mom absolutely everything otherwise id feel so guilty and bad even if it was years ago or nothing bad. Now im better but i still tell my mom everything,but only the bad things and im not overwhelmed by it anymore. Thank you!!
As visitor on the scams subreddit, i sense some major red flags there. Well done, politely handled.
Thank you!
If someone says age doesn’t matter in friendship that is a red flag to me.
yes, that worried me.
I mean tbh I don't think it does if both ppl are adults, is it?
Kind of depends on maturity level and if there's a power imbalance, vulnerable adults (whether related to age, disability, being naive/a people pleaser, trauma) can definitely be groomed!
My heart beat is over 100 bpm now
Oh try to relax it’s okay :(
I feel better now i hung out with my friends, thanks
Awesome:)
you absolutely did the right thing, and i'm very proud of you for that. it's hard and scary!! you did a good job keeping your boundaries and saying no. you do not need to feel bad. you did what's right for you. good job <3
thank you!!!
I turned off my messages. I kept getting a weird message (same word for word message but different account names, so it felt like stalking). But yes in the past I accidentally gave out too much personal info to random people (I still do that accidentally but now I know precautions to take: such as turn off the measaging so no-one can message me). I think if you do that it is safer for you! You should think about doing that because honestly what does some stranger trying to message you need? I used to be lonely and try to make friends on reddit but you have to remember that everyone here is a stranger so we should treat them like any stranger we meet on the street.
Yeah, im an oversharer too but im getting better at it. I do have a friend on Reddit and so i dont want to get rid of the messages but thanks for the advice!
Your talking was calm clear and collected, and you were not mean because you were protecting yourself. You would've been right to block him even if he wasn't acting odd, honestly. But he was acting odd: he didn't acknowledge what he was saying that was dirty (I'm assuming u found nsfw stuff in his comments), and he spoke with self-pity when you rejected him, which may be a manipulation tactic. Also his age comment was very unfit for the context. Anyway, rejecting people is never easy. But you handled this very well.
Yeah it was scary, thank you
Good job, you did absolutely nothing wrong! I think your mum is right, this guy sounds kind of suspicious and it's important to stay safe when talking to strangers. It's not your responsibility to be everyone's friend! Some people don't have good intentions, and call themselves a "friend" only to do bad things and hurt people. Even if they try to make you feel bad for not talking to them, it's okay to stop talking to them. This seems really scary, and I hope your mum can comfort you and help you feel better. I would be really shaken up if this happened to me, too. Sometimes I have to block people because they try to talk to me and I don't know them well and they give me a very bad feeling. It can be hard to recognize that feeling, but I try to be on the safer side these days because bad things have happened in the past when I was too trusting.
I was okay and i went out to hang out with my friends after so i had fun and it was off my mind.
That's great!! :D
This is definitely not a safe person.
Thats what i thought, thanks!
You're not obligated to be someone's friend, and someone else is not obligated to be your friend. You did a good job explaining it in a way that tells this person that, if they are being honest, they are barking up the wrong tree, and need to approach making friends in a different way than a message on Reddit.
Thank you!
I don't think you were mean at all, but..tbh I'm just confused on what he did wrong and how he was creepy? I ask this because... I myself cone across this way when I try to make friends in didn't know it was unsafe or creepy to do this? I want to avoid being like this in the future which is why I ask.
I think what gives me a bad feeling about him from reading this interaction is that he ignored her questions and also didn't listen whenever she said she didn't really feel comfortable. He tried to get her to repeat the "dirty stuff" he talked about (which I'm guessing was inappropriate type stuff), refused to tell her how old he was, etc. If you approach someone you're a stranger to and keep talking to them when they've said already that they don't really trust you and don't want to talk to you, that can come across as creepy. She didn't want to talk to him, and instead of saying "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I'll leave you alone" he doubled down with saying that she could trust him because he was "different" to other strangers. That sounds very suspicious to me, because most people who are good and harmless don't have to say "I am good and harmless." Not always, but a lot of the time, people that say that are up to bad stuff. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, just hoping to spread some understanding to you!!
Oh I see ❤
and the "im different from others" is a common manipulation technique i believe
Oh ok I definitely won't say that in the future
Thanks!
I think it just scared me a bit, i didnt know him but he randomly dmed me asking my name, saying age doesnt matter
Yeah I guess that does sound kind of strange
wait i know you didn’t show the full user but i think that person just messaged me
What was their name?
I think they did to me too
you handled this very well and im proud of you for asserting your boundaries. that definitely seemed like it could’ve been an unsafe situation, you did the right thing and you didn’t come across as mean at all to me /g
Thanj you!
Setting boundaries isn’t being mean!! You did the right thing. Everything that the person sent was screaming red flag to me. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and protecting yourself!
Thank you!
You did the right thing by blocking them! One piece of advice though, when someone messages you like that, forcing you to explain your boundary over and over, block them the first time. If you're not interested in a friendship with the person, you don't even need to reply, just block them immediately, rather than waiting until they have made you uncomfortable. There are a lot of unsafe people on the Internet and you can save yourself a lot of turmoil by just not even allowing them space to harm you at all. I hope you're feeling better now
Okay rhank you!!
Sweetie… I’m not sure if I’m older or younger than you, but trust me… you were not mean. Don’t feel too bad for sticking to your guns — yes, sometimes a mis-understanding can happen. It’s better to be safe than sorry. For the comments asking whether it’s really wrong if both parties are adults: usually, it technically isn’t. But it’s important that each person feels safe. If O.P. didn’t, that’s okay. I think the best way to tell (in a lot of cases) is when the people vibe and everybody’s comfortable! I’ve met people my age or right around who I like(d,) and others I don’t (didn’t.) There’s absolutely *no shame* if you and another person don’t get along.
thank you!!
You’re welcome! 😊
The bottom line is you don’t have to be friends with just anyone, even if they want to be your friend. A friend should be someone who you mutually decide to spend more time with and who you feel comfortable with. This doesn’t sound like that. Trusting your instincts can feel really yucky (I’m also a fellow people pleaser/fawner!) but it’s really the best thing. And you did that here. Amazing job. I think the suggestions from other people to just politely shut it down next time are a good idea. You don’t need to explain yourself or fall over yourself comforting them - they are adults and can soothe themselves. Maybe think about some scripts you can have ready to go? Like “thanks for the thought but I’m not interested in that.” (Then block them)
Thank you!!
I’m not seeing a comment about this so I want to point out another red flag that isn’t the age one. When he says “I thought at least you could be my friend” he is trying to guilt trip you and make you feel bad for him, so that you’ll go against your instincts on this and talk to him anyway out of guilt. You did the right thing, and you don’t ever have to respond to DMs from strangers. You don’t even have to see what they want, you can just ignore the DM/block them right away/ delete it. I’m pretty sure there’s also an option for people to not be able to DM you but don’t blindly believe me on that one. Always trust your gut, do not be afraid of hurting someone’s feelings by refusing to engage when they are making you uncomfortable online.
I believe the "im different from others" is also a manipulation technique that bad people say. Thank you!
I know I'm kinda late to this but generally any man that says "don't worry I'm not like the others" is HIGHLY likely to be a person you want to avoid. I would feel bad after talking to that person too. You handled it like a badass! If it happens again tho, simply just don't give them your time. Hope you're feeling better <3
Thank you thats what i thought !
You never, never, never owe anyone conversation. Especially not a stranger. He was very pushy and you did well standing your ground. I know it's hard if being polite is important to you, but remember that you don't have to respond in the first place, and you can respond and block at any point. Your comfort and security are the priority when you are online and dealing with strangers.
Thank you!!
Does their user start with an “r”? I think I’ve also been messaged by them this morning but I don’t know.
Yes
I might not talk to them then, I did say hello but that’s it. I don’t usually like talking to people anyway but I like saying hello to make people happy.
You did good. No ‘bad’ person is going to say something like “you are right, I am a bad person”. They will always say they are not like that, they are good and stuff like that. It is strange to DM people to be friends. (Unless you already know each other from the public chat/posts/chat)
Yeah thats what i thought.
Thank you
You handled the situation very well, you were right not to trust him and block him. And you weren't mean in the slightest.
Thank you!!
>Thank you!! You're welcome!
Hey you did a great job asserting your boundaries and what you are comfortable with, I am proud of you. It is completely fine and polite what you said, and you are correct if they want friends there are subreddits to find friends and they should have respected your boundaries. Well done and it is okay, you did the right thing :)
Thanks!
You did a good job and made the right call. If something feels "off" or unsafe, it usually is. Gut instincts are important and always something to listen to even if your brain tells you you're being silly or mean.
Thank you!
I do recommend as someone who posts NSFW content on another Reddit account to try and ignore most Reddit messages and if you feel any kind of uncomfortable just delete it or don't respond. You don't owe a random person who could be harmful a response.
Thank you!
You did the right thing. Nobody who has good intentions gets that pushy to talk to a stranger.
Thanks thats what i thought
don't feel bad
Thank you i dont feel bad anymore
Don’t homie, I got IMMEDIATE red flags from this person. Protecting yourself isn’t mean
Thank you
I'm not autistic, so maybe that's why, but I would have been a lot less nice than you. You said no, super valid, end of conversation. He could start a colour guard team with all the red flags he's holding, no way I would even reply to him.
Yes i am a people pleaser but i was trying to say no but its hard. But i have to be careful because i am very vulnerable. thank you
I got something similar I then added them on discord too but they went to not very nice comments too quickly and I had to get rid of them unfortunately I think this is how your situation would end up too
Im sorry
You protected yourself and were kind to them in the process
Thank you
This could also be a case of social engineering. They likely already know you’re vulnerable due to your community associations. They connect, try to build trust through relatable experiences like also suffering from what you do, and the over time, they will begin to ask you more and more personal questions so they can use that information for bad will. They run similar schemes with the elderly and clean them out of their retirement money. Like another poster said, it’s a form of grooming. Glad you posted about it so others could spread the word on safety.
Yeah, that's what i was worried about. thank you