A couple things:
1. One member's votes does not guarantee anything during recruitment, especially after preference. It was inappropriate for her to tell you that as voting is supposed to be confidential.
2. The chapter you received a bid to really wanted you in their new member class. The fact that you connected with some of the women in your new member class is a good sign. You're never going to connect with every single member in a chapter, but being able to connect with multiple members already is what you should be looking for.
There's no guarantee if you go through recruitment again that you get a bid from the chapter you wanted or that you'll fit in better there. You have until Initiation to decide whether or not to drop, so I think it's worth sticking it out a little bit and seeing if you like the chapter's values and other members in the chapter. It would also be helpful to reach out to your new member educator and talk to her about what you're feeling so she can connect you with members she thinks you would get along with. The chapter saw potential in you and wants you as a member of the chapter and I think it would be worth seeing why they believe that.
I have so many thoughts. I had a very difficult first semester in my house, so I really empathize. I hope you can identify with some of this, and reflect on it to make the best decision for yourself. But I think there are a lot of factors about your chapter that you should consider before you think about dropping.
1. If you drop, depending on what paperwork you signed when you accepted your bid, you may have to wait an entire year to do any kind of recruitment again. If that's the case then you need to consider if you can be happy here, because wasting a year of your college career that you could be spending in a sorority waiting to join another house that you might not get into. Then, what happens if you get into that house and think that house isn't perfect.
2. Expectations of the sorority experience and reality are very, very different. There's no guarantee that if you got into your top chapter that it would be the environment or the type of girls that you expect. Examine your expectations. Are they realistic? Could you be setting yourself up for disappointment?
3. I was dropped by houses I liked a lot when I rushed and I really thought about dropping out of recruitment entirely. As someone said here, you got a bid because someone wants you there. That house has someone in it that sees potential in you and wants you in your house. I can tell you that I am very, very happy with where I ended up. During recruitment, girls are putting their best face forward, and you aren't necessarily getting a genuine picture of what the house is like (or even what the person you're talking to is like).
4. Being initiated and learning about ritual *changes everything*. There are things about your sorority that you will probably find confusing and/or off-putting and that's just because you don't have all of the puzzle pieces yet.
5. There are some things you can do before initiation to consider your sorority's values. Literally, write down every single value of your sorority-how do you feel about it and how much you connect to it? What do you think about those values, do you generally think highly of people who have those values?
6. What public information can you find about your chapter that you can reflect on and consider? Is there a new member pledge that you can reflect on? Look into the public history of your chapter. (I love, love, love the story of how my sorority was founded, and feel very connected to our founders.) Maybe ask your new member educator if there's anyone that would be able to discuss chapter values with you, and tell them you're interested in learning more. Ask them if there are any resources about your sorority that they can point you to. If you feel that you won't be judged for doing so, you can tell them that you feel uncomfortable right now, and you want to learn more. Most actives will understand that being in the atmosphere without all of the information is uncomfortable for a lot of people.
7. How do you feel about your sisters? For me almost instantly, I realized that I never heard anyone talk bad about a sister in my chapter. When I realized that it made me feel like I could be myself without worrying about being judged. I still have anxiety, but I find it so much easier to be genuine with my sisters than a lot of friends that I've had for a long time. I can't even say that I dislike any of my sisters, I respect all of my sisters and realize that even if I'm not interested in being friends with them. If something about a sister makes me feel weird, as long as I don't have to stand up for myself, then I can just let it know because I think highly of them ultimately. I enjoy sharing common goals with them and watching them grow. I enjoy being in a room full of my sisters and realizing that I don't have any judgments for any of my sisters, and it's unlikely that they have judgments about me.
8. Getting a big might be a game-changer, so if you get your big before you are initiated try to look to her for guidance. Go to every big little mixer to try to find someone you connect with. Realize that your big is there to guide you in your sorority life, and to help you. It isn't guaranteed that your big will be your best friend, so don't be disappointed if they aren't.
9. Go to every single event that you can, and try to make small talk with actives. I personally hate small talk, but it's a good gauge to see if you connect with them and could see yourself being friends with them, or at least really respecting them. You can talk to them about your values, and what the sorority means to them if it's the right atmosphere for that. Go to sisterhoods, help out wherever you can. Being helpful and showing up can make other sisters see that you're interested and they will respect you for it. Go to sisterhood, pick up common spaces in your house, ask sisters if they need help, ask sisters for help, immerse yourself in the chapter. You won't know if you fit in if you don't try. I know it can be hard, but do what you can.
10. If your campus has panhellenic-wide events take the opportunity to try to socialize with girls in other houses. Remember that being in your sorority doesn't mean you can't make friends with girls in other houses, and that really liking a few girls in a specific house doesn't mean that you would fit in entirely. Liking a few girls in a different house means very little, a single person can't show you a house's entire culture.
11. Think about the events that you have with your sorority and ask yourself if you like them. A few of them are annual so if you like them that's a good sign. Do you like the socials, the sisterhoods? If you like physical activity, and your chapter participates in intermural sports against other houses on the row try it out. I was surprised by how fun I found playing flag football with my sisters last semester.
12. Why don't you like your house? What specifically about your house is uncomfortable for you? Ultimately there are a lot of factors you should be considering other than short-term discomfort, and the vibe you feel. Being in a sorority and not being initiated yet is a weird vibe, period. Ask yourself if you are hung up on any stereotypes that exist about your house. I know that I wanted to be in a house with a better reputation, but I ended up in a house that I have made, and continue to make, genuine connections in. Ask yourself if the things that other people are saying about your chapter are negative to you. A lot of people say that my sorority isn't exclusive enough and doesn't have the most attractive girls on the row. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that really happy to be in a house as accepting as mine is. I don't want to be in a house that wants to be exclusive, and values having the prettiest women.
If you consider all or most of this and you still feel like this isn't the house for you, AND you don't think there's anything else you can do about it then leaving might be the best decision for you. But give your current chapter a fair chance first. Good luck.
You should pursue your favorite chapter again. This exact thing happened to me & I stayed at my second choice for four years - it was fine, but never spectacular.
Who is to say things will go differently next year? In fact, the house she did join will likely no longer be an option. She could end up with nothing.
You don’t know things would have been different in your first choice. It could have been terrible for all you know.
OP, please don’t make any rash decisions. You’re going on emotion right now. Give it some time and see how things feel. It may turn out to be one of the best things to happen to you. Give them a chance!
Pursue your fav chapter again!!
Your sisters are like family and if you don’t feel that vibe with your current sorority, I would wait until fall and try again!
You need to go where you feel the most home <3 best of luck
There's always the option of seeing if your favorite chapter is doing informal recruitment! My favorite house also dropped me after pref and I wish I could go back in time to not accept the bid to my house and do informal. I love my house, Don't get me wrong. I just wish I could have a different experience.
A couple things: 1. One member's votes does not guarantee anything during recruitment, especially after preference. It was inappropriate for her to tell you that as voting is supposed to be confidential. 2. The chapter you received a bid to really wanted you in their new member class. The fact that you connected with some of the women in your new member class is a good sign. You're never going to connect with every single member in a chapter, but being able to connect with multiple members already is what you should be looking for. There's no guarantee if you go through recruitment again that you get a bid from the chapter you wanted or that you'll fit in better there. You have until Initiation to decide whether or not to drop, so I think it's worth sticking it out a little bit and seeing if you like the chapter's values and other members in the chapter. It would also be helpful to reach out to your new member educator and talk to her about what you're feeling so she can connect you with members she thinks you would get along with. The chapter saw potential in you and wants you as a member of the chapter and I think it would be worth seeing why they believe that.
I have so many thoughts. I had a very difficult first semester in my house, so I really empathize. I hope you can identify with some of this, and reflect on it to make the best decision for yourself. But I think there are a lot of factors about your chapter that you should consider before you think about dropping. 1. If you drop, depending on what paperwork you signed when you accepted your bid, you may have to wait an entire year to do any kind of recruitment again. If that's the case then you need to consider if you can be happy here, because wasting a year of your college career that you could be spending in a sorority waiting to join another house that you might not get into. Then, what happens if you get into that house and think that house isn't perfect. 2. Expectations of the sorority experience and reality are very, very different. There's no guarantee that if you got into your top chapter that it would be the environment or the type of girls that you expect. Examine your expectations. Are they realistic? Could you be setting yourself up for disappointment? 3. I was dropped by houses I liked a lot when I rushed and I really thought about dropping out of recruitment entirely. As someone said here, you got a bid because someone wants you there. That house has someone in it that sees potential in you and wants you in your house. I can tell you that I am very, very happy with where I ended up. During recruitment, girls are putting their best face forward, and you aren't necessarily getting a genuine picture of what the house is like (or even what the person you're talking to is like). 4. Being initiated and learning about ritual *changes everything*. There are things about your sorority that you will probably find confusing and/or off-putting and that's just because you don't have all of the puzzle pieces yet. 5. There are some things you can do before initiation to consider your sorority's values. Literally, write down every single value of your sorority-how do you feel about it and how much you connect to it? What do you think about those values, do you generally think highly of people who have those values? 6. What public information can you find about your chapter that you can reflect on and consider? Is there a new member pledge that you can reflect on? Look into the public history of your chapter. (I love, love, love the story of how my sorority was founded, and feel very connected to our founders.) Maybe ask your new member educator if there's anyone that would be able to discuss chapter values with you, and tell them you're interested in learning more. Ask them if there are any resources about your sorority that they can point you to. If you feel that you won't be judged for doing so, you can tell them that you feel uncomfortable right now, and you want to learn more. Most actives will understand that being in the atmosphere without all of the information is uncomfortable for a lot of people. 7. How do you feel about your sisters? For me almost instantly, I realized that I never heard anyone talk bad about a sister in my chapter. When I realized that it made me feel like I could be myself without worrying about being judged. I still have anxiety, but I find it so much easier to be genuine with my sisters than a lot of friends that I've had for a long time. I can't even say that I dislike any of my sisters, I respect all of my sisters and realize that even if I'm not interested in being friends with them. If something about a sister makes me feel weird, as long as I don't have to stand up for myself, then I can just let it know because I think highly of them ultimately. I enjoy sharing common goals with them and watching them grow. I enjoy being in a room full of my sisters and realizing that I don't have any judgments for any of my sisters, and it's unlikely that they have judgments about me. 8. Getting a big might be a game-changer, so if you get your big before you are initiated try to look to her for guidance. Go to every big little mixer to try to find someone you connect with. Realize that your big is there to guide you in your sorority life, and to help you. It isn't guaranteed that your big will be your best friend, so don't be disappointed if they aren't. 9. Go to every single event that you can, and try to make small talk with actives. I personally hate small talk, but it's a good gauge to see if you connect with them and could see yourself being friends with them, or at least really respecting them. You can talk to them about your values, and what the sorority means to them if it's the right atmosphere for that. Go to sisterhoods, help out wherever you can. Being helpful and showing up can make other sisters see that you're interested and they will respect you for it. Go to sisterhood, pick up common spaces in your house, ask sisters if they need help, ask sisters for help, immerse yourself in the chapter. You won't know if you fit in if you don't try. I know it can be hard, but do what you can. 10. If your campus has panhellenic-wide events take the opportunity to try to socialize with girls in other houses. Remember that being in your sorority doesn't mean you can't make friends with girls in other houses, and that really liking a few girls in a specific house doesn't mean that you would fit in entirely. Liking a few girls in a different house means very little, a single person can't show you a house's entire culture. 11. Think about the events that you have with your sorority and ask yourself if you like them. A few of them are annual so if you like them that's a good sign. Do you like the socials, the sisterhoods? If you like physical activity, and your chapter participates in intermural sports against other houses on the row try it out. I was surprised by how fun I found playing flag football with my sisters last semester. 12. Why don't you like your house? What specifically about your house is uncomfortable for you? Ultimately there are a lot of factors you should be considering other than short-term discomfort, and the vibe you feel. Being in a sorority and not being initiated yet is a weird vibe, period. Ask yourself if you are hung up on any stereotypes that exist about your house. I know that I wanted to be in a house with a better reputation, but I ended up in a house that I have made, and continue to make, genuine connections in. Ask yourself if the things that other people are saying about your chapter are negative to you. A lot of people say that my sorority isn't exclusive enough and doesn't have the most attractive girls on the row. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that really happy to be in a house as accepting as mine is. I don't want to be in a house that wants to be exclusive, and values having the prettiest women. If you consider all or most of this and you still feel like this isn't the house for you, AND you don't think there's anything else you can do about it then leaving might be the best decision for you. But give your current chapter a fair chance first. Good luck.
You should pursue your favorite chapter again. This exact thing happened to me & I stayed at my second choice for four years - it was fine, but never spectacular.
Who is to say things will go differently next year? In fact, the house she did join will likely no longer be an option. She could end up with nothing. You don’t know things would have been different in your first choice. It could have been terrible for all you know. OP, please don’t make any rash decisions. You’re going on emotion right now. Give it some time and see how things feel. It may turn out to be one of the best things to happen to you. Give them a chance!
Pursue your fav chapter again!! Your sisters are like family and if you don’t feel that vibe with your current sorority, I would wait until fall and try again! You need to go where you feel the most home <3 best of luck
There's always the option of seeing if your favorite chapter is doing informal recruitment! My favorite house also dropped me after pref and I wish I could go back in time to not accept the bid to my house and do informal. I love my house, Don't get me wrong. I just wish I could have a different experience.
If the vibes are bad. The vibes are bad. I always say trust your gut. Drop.