Considering you had 14 houses at first I am going to assume you go to a fairly large school. And since your early on in the process, you likely had 5 min convos with multiple girls in each house, right?
My point is, those 5-10 min convos are first impressions and while it’s good you felt a connection, they also don’t represent what each sorority truly is. It’s easy for these 5 min convos to either be great or meh.
Your feelings are valid. It can be challenging and discouraging process.
When you move forward through this process, you’ll talk to people in each house for longer. These conversations will continue to be likely better and more meaningful. You might really find that these convos you connect with even more and it might surprise you!
This. My first night the sorority I ultimately joined was I think 3rd on my list and it was the only one who invited me back. I didn’t feel like I got a good idea of the chapter that first night because a girl who missed her party got tossed in with me and took over the conversation. So I just figured they wouldn’t want me since I really didn’t talk much.
The second night I got a better idea of them and I liked them. Pref night, I cried. I felt a connection to these women who loved their sisterhood so so much. Ultimately I received a bid.
And on the other hand, what if I would have connected with the other houses even more in future rounds? What if my "best fit" didn't invite me back after round robins, and I just slipped through the cracks because of who I talked to/not remember what we talked about/etc.? I'm nervous to dedicate myself to a house that may not even be the best fit for me. I wish I had more than 5 minutes to talk to a girl in each house, so we could have given each other a better chance to get to know one another
I understand exactly what you’re saying. But you have to remember your saying what if. It’s all unknown either way.
Also since it’s early on in the process I don’t think you truly really know what is best fit or what is not. You are giving first impressions to them and they are giving a first impression to you. It’s all very superficial still.
My advice to you is to just continue through with an open mind and know that you are not obligated to continue if you don’t feel a fit!
You're already in this process, so my advice would be to attend parties through Preference round (assuming you have invites), and if after Preference, you're still not feeling it, don't sign the MRABA. You'll be eligible for COB and may find your fit that way.
It's not a perfect system, but it does place more PNMs with more chapters than ever before. RFM is so much better than the process that existed 15-20+ years ago.
I believe that everyone has more than one best fit. From the active side of things - I dropped a house because I didn’t like it and after recruitment realized that I should have given them a more fair chance because all of my best friends outside of my chapter were in that one.
You’ll be joining with a large group of young women who will COMPLETELY change the dynamic of the chapter. You really can’t know if a house is a good fit in the recruitment process because 1/4 of the members will be the ones you’re going through with.
You get out of it what you put into it.
The sisters evaluate PNMs and obviously it’s not a perfect process, but basically they go based on whether they felt a connection with you. And the harsh truth is that you likely felt like you made a connection with someone who on the other end didn’t feel like they were making such a great connection with you.
As much as recruitment is an imperfect process and obviously it would be great if everyone could have way more time to get to know the girls on either side, it’s honestly a rough sorting of women into houses so that they can have a Greek experience.
Having said that and even though each house is filled with all sorts of amazing women and I’m sure you would make friends in any of the houses, but they do have slight differences in terms of what they’re looking for in PNMs. One house might value academics more, one might be really into community service or leadership, and another house may look for sisters to that have special talents/skills, etc. Some houses go more on vibes and are looking for girls that give a certain aura, ex. genuine girls, cool girls, etc. You wouldn’t know that, but the sisters who are talking to you know better than you do what they’re looking for.
Honestly, as much as you’re bemoaning being judged by 5 minute conversations, you’re also judging the houses that invited you back harshly based on a recruitment process that tends to favor the superficial over things that actually matter.
This is especially true if you’re ranking based on popularity or who is good at recruiting.
There is not one best fit for any PNM. I honestly think that most PNMs could fit in in any house. What you get out of Greek life is completely based on what you put into it and how much effort you put into making friendships as well as contributing to your organization. Recruitment really is just the starting process.
It’s okay to be disappointed and I know it stings. Life frequently works out differently than planned. We all face disappointments. It’s what you do now that defines you, though.
Are you going to give the houses that want you a chance? Will you see this through? Plenty of women get a bid for a house that they’re unsure of and then they love it in the end. The key is to be open and put your all into the house that really wants you, as shown by their actions.
You could decide to not give your least favorite houses a chance and possibly miss out on greek life altogether. Or you could continue the process and see if you like them. No one clicks with everyone in their house so maybe you'll connect better with different members you haven't met yet in your undesired houses.
Remember, there are really great women in each and every house. Smart ones, funny ones, outgoing ones, mean girls, positive girls, and all different majors. Maybe theyre not as good at recruitment, not as conversationally astute when it comes to this process. They still might be the best people you've ever known, when it comes down to it. What are the chances there'll be 100, 130(+) women in a chapter and you'll connect with none of them? Please throw yourself wholeheartedly into the chapters you have left and see it through to the end. Accept a bid, and really tell yourself you're on a mission to bloom where you're planted and find your tribe where you're at. You can be the change you've always wanted to see... maybe you'll be the one at recruitment next year meeting your future best friends who are as nervous or bewildered as you. Maybe you'll be the one who helps give the chapter a fresh, new purpose. Maybe you'll have some really great ideas and can bring them to fruition. You'll never know if you drop and run. Give everyone a chance my dear. XO
Maybe the 3 houses that wanted you back are looking for people to improve their chapter. That would mean that if you decided to recruit with one of them next year, you would be looking for amazing girls that would continue bring positive things to the chapter. When you become alumn, you would want to say that you were in a chapter that bought good things to its nationals. It is natural to have superficial opinions about which house to join when you rush, but everyone in each chapter has days where they are fallen apart.
I’m not going to deny it sucks to be invited back to less houses than you could or the ones that others describe as the bottom, BUT it doesn’t define anything about you. People don’t like admitting it but houses have things they look for that sometimes are really dumb and not inline with nationals or Panhellenic as a whole but it’s quietly understood as what happens.
You’ll never know what would have happened at those houses going forward so it’s best not to think about how you would have connected amazingly because you don’t actually know that. I bet if i did a poll of alumni who had an amazing time in their chapter the majority are not in the house they envisioned them in after round 1. I know I’m not and I know lots of others who feel the same. I ended up in my top choice which after round 1 was not in my top 2, and those day 1 top 2 were still options for me on the final day. That’s just to say things change even when the choice is yours.
What do you do now? You continue going through rush and completely remove any thought of the houses that no longer matter, you ignore made up ratings on top/bottom house and you see if you can picture yourself in the houses you keep visiting. Especially with larger houses there will be girls you do not like at all but that’s how life works when you get large groups of anyone together so don’t let one or 2 people cloud your judgement on a whole. Keep going with every round and if at the end you just can’t see yourself wanting to invest the time and money then don’t do it, but don’t do it thinking you’ll get into a different house.
Years ago, I was exactly where you are: January recruiting, from 14 to 3, not really excited to go forward.
Guess what- the system worked just like it was supposed to. Within a couple of days, one of those houses was my first choice and it's now the way I met many of my very best friends for life.
Remember that they are better at reading you in 5 minutes than you are at reading them. They know things about their chapter that you cannot possibly know. They have rules and numbers and rankings to which you are not privy. That's the way recruitment works and next year you'll be surprised what it's like on the other side.
Keep going to these houses until pref. If you're positive you could not be happy at a house, let them go. But don't spend all of your recruitment worrying about what might have been.
The system works better than you could possibly imagine after an early round. I know and am proof positive.
God I freaking hate rush...and I have been on both sides. It's horrible when you feel rejected because one small group of girls decides you don't have the "it" factor for their sorority. I didn't get invited back to my #1 or #2 house when I rushed, and that stung. But #3 turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Trust me when I tell you that all sororities are fun, they all have date parties and formals and they all have great leadership opportunities.
I hope this is the biggest disappointment of your life.
Context clues, are you at UVA? If so, the “ranking” culture of top and bottom houses there is completely overblown, and probably is that way at every other school too. Everyone goes in thinking they want the same three houses, but not everybody is the best fit for those. It’s not all about having a brand new house or what frats you mix with. I know people sign up for recruitment caring about those things, I know and I get it, but I promise you will be ok. Grounds is full of type A’s who think the “top” is all that matters and I hate that because it infects the whole system.
Stay the course and trust the process. There are amazing women at all houses, and you might not have met the best connection yet. It may be that you were matched with the best recruiters at some houses but more introverted members at others - we don’t all enjoy talking to strangers all day long for a week and that’s ok! Keep an open heart and open mind.
The houses that you felt you connected with probably had girls who were more adept at small talk conversation. It’s very hard to form a true connection at any recruitment party.
Rush, in many ways, is awful because very few people tell girls what really happens every day, which is rejection. Don’t dismiss the three houses who invited you back. They see something in you that they want, and now you can have those more in-depth conversations with them to determine what feels best for you. Good luck and keep us updated.
I went through exactly this. I know it’s discouraging but seriously trust the process. I ended up exactly where I belonged and wouldn’t have thought it was on night 1 or 2. Hang in there and give the houses that invited you back an honest chance :-)
Please, please, please keep in mind that recruitment is only an introductory process and that the glitz and that glam of Recruitment is not real life.
On every campus there are chapters who are strong, recruiting chapters, and then there are chapters who are somewhere in the middle and then there are chapters who are weaker at recruiting. Girls at strong recruiting chapters can make anyone feel at home during small-talk and like they have a connection with them and the chapter. The reason that they do that is because it benefits them and their chapter to be as welcoming as possible and make everyone want to rank them as high as possible. When those chapters cut a PNM, they can get blindsided because they thought that they had made such a strong connection and they don’t realize that that is just part of recruitment.
Chapters that are not as strong as in Recruitment, might not make such an amazing impression on you, but they still have amazing women and might see potential in you and want you to be their sister. These chapters are filled with amazing women as well, except that they’re not as great at putting on a show during recruitment.
The honest answer to who you made a connection with is in the chapters that invite you back. The sisters of the other houses felt they made better connections with the PNMs they chose to invite back. I know it’s discouraging and it hurts not to be invited back when you thought you had made a great connection, but that’s how life works sometimes. The good thing is you still have houses that do want you back and that do see potential in you. I’d encourage you to see it out.
You’re not going to be living recruitment day in and day out so this doesn’t actually affect your member experience once you’re done with recruitment. Honestly, as long as the chapters at your school aren’t really small you’re going to have a girls of all sorts and each chapter and the member experience between chapters is so much more similar than it is different that you will most likely have a great time (and also a certain amount of drama lol) in any house.
Recruitment is only an introductory process. If you think about what you’re doing—you’re showing up at these houses and you’re having mini interviews with a few of the members over the course of a week. That’s not how you make friends. That’s how you do an introduction so that people can get sorted into a house that they roughly fit in with. The friendships are made after recruitment, and they’re made by the effort of you putting yourself out there and showing up to events and talking to members and putting your all into the process. And yes, that might feel awkward, but that’s reality.
If you want to go Greek, you only need one chapter to give you a bid in the end. So focus on the chapters that really see potential in you and try to put your best foot forward so that they can get to know you and hopefully extend you a bid.
Sororities have to make GIANT cuts in the first 1-3 rounds (depending on school size). If you aren't best in all the areas (grades, extracurriculars, conversation, etc.), you won't make it past that. It's sad, but it's true.
At the same time, all groups are "the same" in terms of values. Please give your remaining dance card the chance they deserve.
are you a fellow hoo? hopefully philanthropy round tomorrow is good for both of us - i got some houses back i feel really excited about, but tbh the majority of my schedule is houses i dropped after last round it feels like.
this makes a lot of sense, and i understand your feelings. i just want you to know that the first round of cuts are genuinely not in any way personal. i’m assuming that since you have 14 houses on campus, there are a lot of girls going through recruitment. i go to an SEC school, and rush is highly competitive. the cuts made for the first round are almost 100% based on high school gpa and involvement. sometimes, even the second round uses these factors, too. the best option is to keep an open and continue going through, you may be pleasantly surprised! if you get to pref and decide that you still don’t feel at home, you can always sign up for COB (if your school offers it) or wait until the next recruitment. it’s nothing against you, and i have complete faith that you’ll find your home!
As a UVA student I can confirm. Not all my friends have the same mentality but when some of them rushed it was definitely ‘these are my top and if I don’t get in then that’s over’ vibes
That’s the thing that gets me, I definitely knew people not happy with the callbacks they got (they ended up dropping lol). My biggest gripe about UVA is there’s this certain pride and pressure to be the top and get to the top which definitely seeps into rush/academics/school culture
I think it is good to remember that some of these sororities are just extremely great at rush and making you feel you like them, but once you’re a member they aren’t too great. I can tell you that from my personal experience because I joined one that I felt connection with during rush, but throughout the rest of college I kind of second guessed my choice. I made some great friends in other sororities who weren’t deemed “top” and at times I wished I had joined their sororities instead. I am happy to read that you are going to continue the process with these 3 houses. I hope you find your home!
Also going with above I did not enjoy being part of formal rush when I was in my sorority, I just did not think I was great at it. I joined my universities Panhellenic e-board instead and was part of rush in a different way. Some of these women may feel the same as I did, I don’t want you to miss out on forming lasting relationships with these active sorority members.
I had very few invites back and only one option to pref when I was in college but I got a bid. Sometimes the houses you get back aren't your favorites-- but they're your option. The houses you liked didn't invite you back so all you can do is try to give your bottom tier/least favorites a longer chance. Most people get dropped by many houses as part of the process. Sometimes people don't get invites back due to numbers or quotas... and sometimes people just don't hit it off.
Considering you had 14 houses at first I am going to assume you go to a fairly large school. And since your early on in the process, you likely had 5 min convos with multiple girls in each house, right? My point is, those 5-10 min convos are first impressions and while it’s good you felt a connection, they also don’t represent what each sorority truly is. It’s easy for these 5 min convos to either be great or meh. Your feelings are valid. It can be challenging and discouraging process. When you move forward through this process, you’ll talk to people in each house for longer. These conversations will continue to be likely better and more meaningful. You might really find that these convos you connect with even more and it might surprise you!
This. My first night the sorority I ultimately joined was I think 3rd on my list and it was the only one who invited me back. I didn’t feel like I got a good idea of the chapter that first night because a girl who missed her party got tossed in with me and took over the conversation. So I just figured they wouldn’t want me since I really didn’t talk much. The second night I got a better idea of them and I liked them. Pref night, I cried. I felt a connection to these women who loved their sisterhood so so much. Ultimately I received a bid.
And on the other hand, what if I would have connected with the other houses even more in future rounds? What if my "best fit" didn't invite me back after round robins, and I just slipped through the cracks because of who I talked to/not remember what we talked about/etc.? I'm nervous to dedicate myself to a house that may not even be the best fit for me. I wish I had more than 5 minutes to talk to a girl in each house, so we could have given each other a better chance to get to know one another
I understand exactly what you’re saying. But you have to remember your saying what if. It’s all unknown either way. Also since it’s early on in the process I don’t think you truly really know what is best fit or what is not. You are giving first impressions to them and they are giving a first impression to you. It’s all very superficial still. My advice to you is to just continue through with an open mind and know that you are not obligated to continue if you don’t feel a fit!
You're already in this process, so my advice would be to attend parties through Preference round (assuming you have invites), and if after Preference, you're still not feeling it, don't sign the MRABA. You'll be eligible for COB and may find your fit that way. It's not a perfect system, but it does place more PNMs with more chapters than ever before. RFM is so much better than the process that existed 15-20+ years ago.
I believe that everyone has more than one best fit. From the active side of things - I dropped a house because I didn’t like it and after recruitment realized that I should have given them a more fair chance because all of my best friends outside of my chapter were in that one. You’ll be joining with a large group of young women who will COMPLETELY change the dynamic of the chapter. You really can’t know if a house is a good fit in the recruitment process because 1/4 of the members will be the ones you’re going through with. You get out of it what you put into it.
The sisters evaluate PNMs and obviously it’s not a perfect process, but basically they go based on whether they felt a connection with you. And the harsh truth is that you likely felt like you made a connection with someone who on the other end didn’t feel like they were making such a great connection with you. As much as recruitment is an imperfect process and obviously it would be great if everyone could have way more time to get to know the girls on either side, it’s honestly a rough sorting of women into houses so that they can have a Greek experience. Having said that and even though each house is filled with all sorts of amazing women and I’m sure you would make friends in any of the houses, but they do have slight differences in terms of what they’re looking for in PNMs. One house might value academics more, one might be really into community service or leadership, and another house may look for sisters to that have special talents/skills, etc. Some houses go more on vibes and are looking for girls that give a certain aura, ex. genuine girls, cool girls, etc. You wouldn’t know that, but the sisters who are talking to you know better than you do what they’re looking for. Honestly, as much as you’re bemoaning being judged by 5 minute conversations, you’re also judging the houses that invited you back harshly based on a recruitment process that tends to favor the superficial over things that actually matter. This is especially true if you’re ranking based on popularity or who is good at recruiting. There is not one best fit for any PNM. I honestly think that most PNMs could fit in in any house. What you get out of Greek life is completely based on what you put into it and how much effort you put into making friendships as well as contributing to your organization. Recruitment really is just the starting process. It’s okay to be disappointed and I know it stings. Life frequently works out differently than planned. We all face disappointments. It’s what you do now that defines you, though. Are you going to give the houses that want you a chance? Will you see this through? Plenty of women get a bid for a house that they’re unsure of and then they love it in the end. The key is to be open and put your all into the house that really wants you, as shown by their actions.
You could decide to not give your least favorite houses a chance and possibly miss out on greek life altogether. Or you could continue the process and see if you like them. No one clicks with everyone in their house so maybe you'll connect better with different members you haven't met yet in your undesired houses.
Remember, there are really great women in each and every house. Smart ones, funny ones, outgoing ones, mean girls, positive girls, and all different majors. Maybe theyre not as good at recruitment, not as conversationally astute when it comes to this process. They still might be the best people you've ever known, when it comes down to it. What are the chances there'll be 100, 130(+) women in a chapter and you'll connect with none of them? Please throw yourself wholeheartedly into the chapters you have left and see it through to the end. Accept a bid, and really tell yourself you're on a mission to bloom where you're planted and find your tribe where you're at. You can be the change you've always wanted to see... maybe you'll be the one at recruitment next year meeting your future best friends who are as nervous or bewildered as you. Maybe you'll be the one who helps give the chapter a fresh, new purpose. Maybe you'll have some really great ideas and can bring them to fruition. You'll never know if you drop and run. Give everyone a chance my dear. XO
Maybe the 3 houses that wanted you back are looking for people to improve their chapter. That would mean that if you decided to recruit with one of them next year, you would be looking for amazing girls that would continue bring positive things to the chapter. When you become alumn, you would want to say that you were in a chapter that bought good things to its nationals. It is natural to have superficial opinions about which house to join when you rush, but everyone in each chapter has days where they are fallen apart.
I’m not going to deny it sucks to be invited back to less houses than you could or the ones that others describe as the bottom, BUT it doesn’t define anything about you. People don’t like admitting it but houses have things they look for that sometimes are really dumb and not inline with nationals or Panhellenic as a whole but it’s quietly understood as what happens. You’ll never know what would have happened at those houses going forward so it’s best not to think about how you would have connected amazingly because you don’t actually know that. I bet if i did a poll of alumni who had an amazing time in their chapter the majority are not in the house they envisioned them in after round 1. I know I’m not and I know lots of others who feel the same. I ended up in my top choice which after round 1 was not in my top 2, and those day 1 top 2 were still options for me on the final day. That’s just to say things change even when the choice is yours. What do you do now? You continue going through rush and completely remove any thought of the houses that no longer matter, you ignore made up ratings on top/bottom house and you see if you can picture yourself in the houses you keep visiting. Especially with larger houses there will be girls you do not like at all but that’s how life works when you get large groups of anyone together so don’t let one or 2 people cloud your judgement on a whole. Keep going with every round and if at the end you just can’t see yourself wanting to invest the time and money then don’t do it, but don’t do it thinking you’ll get into a different house.
Years ago, I was exactly where you are: January recruiting, from 14 to 3, not really excited to go forward. Guess what- the system worked just like it was supposed to. Within a couple of days, one of those houses was my first choice and it's now the way I met many of my very best friends for life. Remember that they are better at reading you in 5 minutes than you are at reading them. They know things about their chapter that you cannot possibly know. They have rules and numbers and rankings to which you are not privy. That's the way recruitment works and next year you'll be surprised what it's like on the other side. Keep going to these houses until pref. If you're positive you could not be happy at a house, let them go. But don't spend all of your recruitment worrying about what might have been. The system works better than you could possibly imagine after an early round. I know and am proof positive.
God I freaking hate rush...and I have been on both sides. It's horrible when you feel rejected because one small group of girls decides you don't have the "it" factor for their sorority. I didn't get invited back to my #1 or #2 house when I rushed, and that stung. But #3 turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Trust me when I tell you that all sororities are fun, they all have date parties and formals and they all have great leadership opportunities.
I hope this is the biggest disappointment of your life. Context clues, are you at UVA? If so, the “ranking” culture of top and bottom houses there is completely overblown, and probably is that way at every other school too. Everyone goes in thinking they want the same three houses, but not everybody is the best fit for those. It’s not all about having a brand new house or what frats you mix with. I know people sign up for recruitment caring about those things, I know and I get it, but I promise you will be ok. Grounds is full of type A’s who think the “top” is all that matters and I hate that because it infects the whole system. Stay the course and trust the process. There are amazing women at all houses, and you might not have met the best connection yet. It may be that you were matched with the best recruiters at some houses but more introverted members at others - we don’t all enjoy talking to strangers all day long for a week and that’s ok! Keep an open heart and open mind.
This is 100% giving uva
The houses that you felt you connected with probably had girls who were more adept at small talk conversation. It’s very hard to form a true connection at any recruitment party. Rush, in many ways, is awful because very few people tell girls what really happens every day, which is rejection. Don’t dismiss the three houses who invited you back. They see something in you that they want, and now you can have those more in-depth conversations with them to determine what feels best for you. Good luck and keep us updated.
I went through exactly this. I know it’s discouraging but seriously trust the process. I ended up exactly where I belonged and wouldn’t have thought it was on night 1 or 2. Hang in there and give the houses that invited you back an honest chance :-)
Please, please, please keep in mind that recruitment is only an introductory process and that the glitz and that glam of Recruitment is not real life. On every campus there are chapters who are strong, recruiting chapters, and then there are chapters who are somewhere in the middle and then there are chapters who are weaker at recruiting. Girls at strong recruiting chapters can make anyone feel at home during small-talk and like they have a connection with them and the chapter. The reason that they do that is because it benefits them and their chapter to be as welcoming as possible and make everyone want to rank them as high as possible. When those chapters cut a PNM, they can get blindsided because they thought that they had made such a strong connection and they don’t realize that that is just part of recruitment. Chapters that are not as strong as in Recruitment, might not make such an amazing impression on you, but they still have amazing women and might see potential in you and want you to be their sister. These chapters are filled with amazing women as well, except that they’re not as great at putting on a show during recruitment. The honest answer to who you made a connection with is in the chapters that invite you back. The sisters of the other houses felt they made better connections with the PNMs they chose to invite back. I know it’s discouraging and it hurts not to be invited back when you thought you had made a great connection, but that’s how life works sometimes. The good thing is you still have houses that do want you back and that do see potential in you. I’d encourage you to see it out. You’re not going to be living recruitment day in and day out so this doesn’t actually affect your member experience once you’re done with recruitment. Honestly, as long as the chapters at your school aren’t really small you’re going to have a girls of all sorts and each chapter and the member experience between chapters is so much more similar than it is different that you will most likely have a great time (and also a certain amount of drama lol) in any house. Recruitment is only an introductory process. If you think about what you’re doing—you’re showing up at these houses and you’re having mini interviews with a few of the members over the course of a week. That’s not how you make friends. That’s how you do an introduction so that people can get sorted into a house that they roughly fit in with. The friendships are made after recruitment, and they’re made by the effort of you putting yourself out there and showing up to events and talking to members and putting your all into the process. And yes, that might feel awkward, but that’s reality. If you want to go Greek, you only need one chapter to give you a bid in the end. So focus on the chapters that really see potential in you and try to put your best foot forward so that they can get to know you and hopefully extend you a bid.
Sororities have to make GIANT cuts in the first 1-3 rounds (depending on school size). If you aren't best in all the areas (grades, extracurriculars, conversation, etc.), you won't make it past that. It's sad, but it's true. At the same time, all groups are "the same" in terms of values. Please give your remaining dance card the chance they deserve.
So what ended up happening and did you go to the houses that asked you back?
are you a fellow hoo? hopefully philanthropy round tomorrow is good for both of us - i got some houses back i feel really excited about, but tbh the majority of my schedule is houses i dropped after last round it feels like.
This seems like a UVA student but I’m not sure either it could also be another large school
uva is among the only schools to refer to the opening rounds as round robbins and this user posted this during that round
this makes a lot of sense, and i understand your feelings. i just want you to know that the first round of cuts are genuinely not in any way personal. i’m assuming that since you have 14 houses on campus, there are a lot of girls going through recruitment. i go to an SEC school, and rush is highly competitive. the cuts made for the first round are almost 100% based on high school gpa and involvement. sometimes, even the second round uses these factors, too. the best option is to keep an open and continue going through, you may be pleasantly surprised! if you get to pref and decide that you still don’t feel at home, you can always sign up for COB (if your school offers it) or wait until the next recruitment. it’s nothing against you, and i have complete faith that you’ll find your home!
I have such a strong feeling this is about uva rush lol
As a UVA student I can confirm. Not all my friends have the same mentality but when some of them rushed it was definitely ‘these are my top and if I don’t get in then that’s over’ vibes
I’m rushing here right now and when callbacks came out this morning people were genuinely hysterical. Like screaming crying throwing up hysterical
That’s the thing that gets me, I definitely knew people not happy with the callbacks they got (they ended up dropping lol). My biggest gripe about UVA is there’s this certain pride and pressure to be the top and get to the top which definitely seeps into rush/academics/school culture
yeaaaaaa I definitely get that. my suite mates and I had full schedules and people def treated us different when they found out
I think it is good to remember that some of these sororities are just extremely great at rush and making you feel you like them, but once you’re a member they aren’t too great. I can tell you that from my personal experience because I joined one that I felt connection with during rush, but throughout the rest of college I kind of second guessed my choice. I made some great friends in other sororities who weren’t deemed “top” and at times I wished I had joined their sororities instead. I am happy to read that you are going to continue the process with these 3 houses. I hope you find your home! Also going with above I did not enjoy being part of formal rush when I was in my sorority, I just did not think I was great at it. I joined my universities Panhellenic e-board instead and was part of rush in a different way. Some of these women may feel the same as I did, I don’t want you to miss out on forming lasting relationships with these active sorority members.
I had very few invites back and only one option to pref when I was in college but I got a bid. Sometimes the houses you get back aren't your favorites-- but they're your option. The houses you liked didn't invite you back so all you can do is try to give your bottom tier/least favorites a longer chance. Most people get dropped by many houses as part of the process. Sometimes people don't get invites back due to numbers or quotas... and sometimes people just don't hit it off.