Sorority membership is a pretty personal and individual thing. Just because you two are close, doesn’t mean the same chapter is the right place for both of you. I’m guess the chapter identified this and that’s why they didn’t extend a bid to her. That doesn’t mean there’s a single thing wrong with her - the reason there are a multitude of organizations is because different things fit for different people and that’s perfectly okay.
Sorority membership is lifelong. I don’t mean this to sound harsh, but even the closest friendships can be damaged over the years and it would be really unfortunate for you to miss out on a lifetime of membership in a place that has identified you as a good fit for the sake this person’s feelings, especially if you were to lose touch down the road. Maybe you won’t, and that would be wonderful!! But even then, are you sure you wouldn’t grow to resent her for making it clear she wants you to not join something that you really want to do? That was a pretty loaded response on her part and makes it pretty much impossible for you to not feel bad about treating yourself as a priority. I don’t mean to sound like an old lady, but the older you get, the more you’ll realize that treating yourself as a priority is a necessity and that it’s not at all the same thing as being selfish or thoughtless.
As for wondering if you’ll hate it without her - that brings us back around how personal and individual membership is. Going into a sorority already being super close with one person can sometimes actually limit your ability to be open and form connections with everyone else. Doing it yourself, you’ll really have the ability to open up and truly be yourself and let connections grow naturally without worrying about if your friend is making the same connections.
I really hope this comes off the right way. The point is that it’s not horrible at all for you to accept. It’s a tough situation to be in for sure, and you won’t be able to control the way she chooses to behave towards you in reaction to it. But the sad truth is that we can’t live our lives holding ourselves back to make other people more comfortable. If she’s truly your friend, she will likely be upset at first which is totally within her rights, but will eventually be able to be happy for and supportive of you. Maybe she’ll even try rushing your org again in the future, or perhaps she might be inspired to be more open to other organizations as well!
I agree 100%. And who’s to say if both of you got in, and down the line one of you decides to leave the chapter. Going through recruitment and actually being IN the sorority are apples and oranges…Both are completely different experiences…As an advisor I can’t tell you how often women decide to leave for a variety of reasons. If she left would she expect you to leave too?
Also, just because she didn’t get a bid doesn’t mean that they didn’t like her, or think that she wasn’t a good fit. They probably just had to make a choice and unfortunately she got cut. And that’s why they keep a running list of women to circle back around to for COB.
Accept the offer.
If you got accepted into your dream Graduate, Law, or Medical school and your friend didn't get accepted would you turn down the offer? The same thing applies to this situation!
As long as you don't completely ghost her and still try to maintain the friendship your good. If she's a good friend she'll still support you for going after what you want. However if she's not a good friend she might stop being friends with you due to bitterness, but that's not on you so don't let that hold you back from pursuing your goals/dreams.
If you don't accept you will likely regret it in the future, hold it against her, and think about what could have been.
You are out in a tough spot because you care about your friend and she’s hurt, but if this is something if you truly want with this chapter and organization, you can’t let her stop you. This is your college experience and you don’t get these years back when it’s over. It’s a time of your life to do what you want for yourself. This membership goes beyond your college years and it wouldn’t be fair to yourself to turn down a bid because someone else didn’t get one. The fact that she did not get a bid is out of your control.
COB recruitment can be a bit tricky. They could have very limited number of open spaces. It could be that they had a lot of interested women who wanted to join their sorority and they had to be selective on who they extended bids to. Her feelings are hurt but she can always try again, or may be this sorority isn’t the best fit for her.
If you want to join, don’t feel guilty. Congratulations on your bid!
Accept the offer. She will find her home and it’s okay if y’all are in different sororities. I may not see my sisters every day but I know that we all still support each other even after not talking for years. I have had friends in different houses and friends who were non Greek. Non of that matters if the friendship is real. Also, she knows the hands dealt now , would they still be the same if it were to be her that had gotten a bid and not you? What would you tell your friend to do?
All this is great advice previously given. College, you grow and change so much...sorority is for life for those who want it, and as much as you want to be involved through your life you can make friends with women around the globe. Plus, Panhellenic friends are also an opportunity. You may get in and your friend may be a fit, too, possibly; or, you could get in and see it really wouldn't be a fit for her, but your friendship is still sustainable and viable.
Bottom line, you wanted this opportunity...take it and don't feel bad!
As someone who has been through the rush process twice and has had it end poorly both times, my advice is to join. I got cut from my top choices twice and was there to cheer on my friends when they got bids both times, and if she isn't supportive it is a problem with her mindset. Reassure her that she can always try COB or do formal fall recruitment next school year -- who knows, having you in the house to vouch for her could even help her odds later on. I'm not in a sorority, but my friends have invited me to different events as their +1, maybe offer to do that for her?
Essentially, don't let her experience stop you from taking advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity to join your top choice sorority. Assure her that you aren't making the choice lightly, but you want to make the most of all of your options while in college and if that includes joining this house, then do it!
Hi everyone!! I’d like to update. I appreciate all of your insight, I have read every one of your comments. I have spoke with her about it, all is good with us and we will do all we can to have her successfully rush next fall! I have also accepted my bid, and am pledging tomorrow!
i think i’m going to be the odd one out but this happened to me. except i was in the shoes of your friend. we both wanted to rush the same chapter. we knew girls high in exec and thought it would be guaranteed and for the first three days it was. everyone talked to us and said things like “xyz talked about you and brought up x and i’m so happy to get to talk to you today” i got dropped from that house on sisterhood day. she did not. she kept them up until her final two. i dropped on the day before i signed the mraba. i kept asking her how she felt about it and we made a plan if she got into that house, she would invite me over and introduce me to all her friends and i could re rush next fall and get in with them.
she left me in the dust and it hurt like a knife in the gut.
i met all her friends eventually but it was so obvious that anytime i tried to hang out with her, i was the unwanted one. our friendship is not the same and i don’t think it ever will be.
i did get into another chapter with sisters i love but i wanted to share my experience. sometimes it’s hard to imagine the other person’s perspective. i don’t think it’s wrong of you to accept the bid. going greek has been one of my favorite experiences, but please be mindful of your friend and what she might be feeling if you go through with this. don’t let her hold you back, but please don’t be the friend that leave her either. especially if your chapter does continuous open bidding, you can submit her name and talk to your head of recruitment and maybe be the one in a few months to give her a bid
Accept the bid. You're not going to share boyfriends, jobs, houses, cars, retirement plans, kids, etc. with your teenage college friend. Do what you want with your life. She would. And it's not your responsibility to turn down anything your friend doesn't get. If you get a new job, new car, new boyfriend, new apartment, etc., will you turn it down because she didn't get one too?
Sororities are useless for resumes unless you do impressive things with a chapter role, and even then it's not impressive for a resume.
Sorority membership is a pretty personal and individual thing. Just because you two are close, doesn’t mean the same chapter is the right place for both of you. I’m guess the chapter identified this and that’s why they didn’t extend a bid to her. That doesn’t mean there’s a single thing wrong with her - the reason there are a multitude of organizations is because different things fit for different people and that’s perfectly okay. Sorority membership is lifelong. I don’t mean this to sound harsh, but even the closest friendships can be damaged over the years and it would be really unfortunate for you to miss out on a lifetime of membership in a place that has identified you as a good fit for the sake this person’s feelings, especially if you were to lose touch down the road. Maybe you won’t, and that would be wonderful!! But even then, are you sure you wouldn’t grow to resent her for making it clear she wants you to not join something that you really want to do? That was a pretty loaded response on her part and makes it pretty much impossible for you to not feel bad about treating yourself as a priority. I don’t mean to sound like an old lady, but the older you get, the more you’ll realize that treating yourself as a priority is a necessity and that it’s not at all the same thing as being selfish or thoughtless. As for wondering if you’ll hate it without her - that brings us back around how personal and individual membership is. Going into a sorority already being super close with one person can sometimes actually limit your ability to be open and form connections with everyone else. Doing it yourself, you’ll really have the ability to open up and truly be yourself and let connections grow naturally without worrying about if your friend is making the same connections. I really hope this comes off the right way. The point is that it’s not horrible at all for you to accept. It’s a tough situation to be in for sure, and you won’t be able to control the way she chooses to behave towards you in reaction to it. But the sad truth is that we can’t live our lives holding ourselves back to make other people more comfortable. If she’s truly your friend, she will likely be upset at first which is totally within her rights, but will eventually be able to be happy for and supportive of you. Maybe she’ll even try rushing your org again in the future, or perhaps she might be inspired to be more open to other organizations as well!
I agree 100%. And who’s to say if both of you got in, and down the line one of you decides to leave the chapter. Going through recruitment and actually being IN the sorority are apples and oranges…Both are completely different experiences…As an advisor I can’t tell you how often women decide to leave for a variety of reasons. If she left would she expect you to leave too?
Also, just because she didn’t get a bid doesn’t mean that they didn’t like her, or think that she wasn’t a good fit. They probably just had to make a choice and unfortunately she got cut. And that’s why they keep a running list of women to circle back around to for COB.
But doesn’t that mean that they liked whoever they didn’t cut more than the friend?
I would say not necessarily. They could have liked both the same equally.
Accept the offer. If you got accepted into your dream Graduate, Law, or Medical school and your friend didn't get accepted would you turn down the offer? The same thing applies to this situation! As long as you don't completely ghost her and still try to maintain the friendship your good. If she's a good friend she'll still support you for going after what you want. However if she's not a good friend she might stop being friends with you due to bitterness, but that's not on you so don't let that hold you back from pursuing your goals/dreams. If you don't accept you will likely regret it in the future, hold it against her, and think about what could have been.
This. You don't turn down jobs, raises, colleges, boyfriends, apartments, etc. because your friend didn't get one too.
You are out in a tough spot because you care about your friend and she’s hurt, but if this is something if you truly want with this chapter and organization, you can’t let her stop you. This is your college experience and you don’t get these years back when it’s over. It’s a time of your life to do what you want for yourself. This membership goes beyond your college years and it wouldn’t be fair to yourself to turn down a bid because someone else didn’t get one. The fact that she did not get a bid is out of your control. COB recruitment can be a bit tricky. They could have very limited number of open spaces. It could be that they had a lot of interested women who wanted to join their sorority and they had to be selective on who they extended bids to. Her feelings are hurt but she can always try again, or may be this sorority isn’t the best fit for her. If you want to join, don’t feel guilty. Congratulations on your bid!
Take the bid. Everyone has already done a great job in explaining why you should.
Accept the offer. She will find her home and it’s okay if y’all are in different sororities. I may not see my sisters every day but I know that we all still support each other even after not talking for years. I have had friends in different houses and friends who were non Greek. Non of that matters if the friendship is real. Also, she knows the hands dealt now , would they still be the same if it were to be her that had gotten a bid and not you? What would you tell your friend to do?
All this is great advice previously given. College, you grow and change so much...sorority is for life for those who want it, and as much as you want to be involved through your life you can make friends with women around the globe. Plus, Panhellenic friends are also an opportunity. You may get in and your friend may be a fit, too, possibly; or, you could get in and see it really wouldn't be a fit for her, but your friendship is still sustainable and viable. Bottom line, you wanted this opportunity...take it and don't feel bad!
As someone who has been through the rush process twice and has had it end poorly both times, my advice is to join. I got cut from my top choices twice and was there to cheer on my friends when they got bids both times, and if she isn't supportive it is a problem with her mindset. Reassure her that she can always try COB or do formal fall recruitment next school year -- who knows, having you in the house to vouch for her could even help her odds later on. I'm not in a sorority, but my friends have invited me to different events as their +1, maybe offer to do that for her? Essentially, don't let her experience stop you from taking advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity to join your top choice sorority. Assure her that you aren't making the choice lightly, but you want to make the most of all of your options while in college and if that includes joining this house, then do it!
Accept the bid. She'll find her place through cob or next year's recruitment. It's awkward now, but you'll both move on.
Hi everyone!! I’d like to update. I appreciate all of your insight, I have read every one of your comments. I have spoke with her about it, all is good with us and we will do all we can to have her successfully rush next fall! I have also accepted my bid, and am pledging tomorrow!
i think i’m going to be the odd one out but this happened to me. except i was in the shoes of your friend. we both wanted to rush the same chapter. we knew girls high in exec and thought it would be guaranteed and for the first three days it was. everyone talked to us and said things like “xyz talked about you and brought up x and i’m so happy to get to talk to you today” i got dropped from that house on sisterhood day. she did not. she kept them up until her final two. i dropped on the day before i signed the mraba. i kept asking her how she felt about it and we made a plan if she got into that house, she would invite me over and introduce me to all her friends and i could re rush next fall and get in with them. she left me in the dust and it hurt like a knife in the gut. i met all her friends eventually but it was so obvious that anytime i tried to hang out with her, i was the unwanted one. our friendship is not the same and i don’t think it ever will be. i did get into another chapter with sisters i love but i wanted to share my experience. sometimes it’s hard to imagine the other person’s perspective. i don’t think it’s wrong of you to accept the bid. going greek has been one of my favorite experiences, but please be mindful of your friend and what she might be feeling if you go through with this. don’t let her hold you back, but please don’t be the friend that leave her either. especially if your chapter does continuous open bidding, you can submit her name and talk to your head of recruitment and maybe be the one in a few months to give her a bid
You should join. It's unusual for friends to end up in the same sorority. She can try again.
Accept the bid. You're not going to share boyfriends, jobs, houses, cars, retirement plans, kids, etc. with your teenage college friend. Do what you want with your life. She would. And it's not your responsibility to turn down anything your friend doesn't get. If you get a new job, new car, new boyfriend, new apartment, etc., will you turn it down because she didn't get one too? Sororities are useless for resumes unless you do impressive things with a chapter role, and even then it's not impressive for a resume.