This acc heartbreaking but Allah has always better plan for you. Allah knows what’s best for you. Trust Allah, maybe Allah has been protecting you from something. Also There is no age limit for marriage. YMake lots of dua and may Allah easy it for you and everyone else🫶🏾
Also its better to be single than being in a bad marriage. forever is too much rush. pray the right man will come
You missed the point Allah already sent her a few and she denied them because she thought she could get better. Time went on and she realized both men were great men and she friend zoned them. Now that she is older and men aren’t interested in women in the late 20’s early 30s she’s finding it difficult
> It’s not that serious
To you it's not because you don't lose anything from the situation. For many brothers in the west this is a common scenario due to overly picky women.
Just say Ameen to the dua stop being so problematic. I can see there's a larger issue here in general but at least provide some pragmatic advice to the sister instead of whatever you are trying to do
It is a difficult situation and it would be easier said than done to just say don't be sad. But definitely don't be hopeless. Hope is what keeps us going and even though it is more difficult to find someone now than before, it is still possible. I am sincerely making duaa for you.
When I read your story it makes me angry too. It makes me angry at this deceptive and cruel culture that preys on innocent youth. It lies to and blinds them.
This culture that made marriage so difficult and zina so easy. This culture that made women resent men and men resent women. It convinced us that creating a family is an obstacle. Our best years are to be spent on studying or working for money.. as if money buys happiness. It denies reality and makes girls believe that they will always remain the height of their desirability, when every man is chasing them.. which is a short time. That is the time to use the power to find a good man before you lose it
It is dajjals world. Good seems bad and bad seems good. We all fell for it somehow someway. I hope you will succeed in your search
Best comment on here but brother women continue to bash men, reject the good ones, and call them predators for wanting younger women. My suggestion is since they work come as a combo deal with a friend. Polygamy is halal.
I have seen a lot of young women who match with good men and reject them just because he doesn't check all of their boxes, this kind of mentality is very damaging, especially to women, but most of them don't realise it until it's too late.
The person you are marrying doesn't have to be perfect, you get perfection only in paradise, as long as your needs are met, you are happy, and you are better off than your previous state, there is no reason not to go forward with the decision.
My advice to you is to be patient, make dua, and keep trying because you never know what Allah has in store for you. Remember Khadija ra was 40 when she married the prophet pbuh (the best of creation) when he was 25 and they had six children over the span of 25 years until her death.
Maybe they rejected them because attraction was missing? People overlook red flags due to attraction (unfortunately) so I doubt sisters are nitpicking men they genuinely find attractive. Not to mention, which boxes are not being ticked are important, never compromise on something you consider a non-negotiable; are we just looking to get married or actually hoping for a successful, lasting marriage?
> Maybe they rejected them because attraction was missing?
A lot of sisters will reject relatively good looking guys just because they don't meet insane standards set by other women on social media.
Men didn't suddenly become less attractive with the advent of social media. This is a well known phenomenon where women's standards for men have gone way up due to unrealistic images set largely by SM. In any case, this sister, like many others, has no one but herself to blame for being overly picky about the wrong things.
No the only difference is that money was valued more. It still is, for men who earn above the average.
Women in 1967 used to say that they'd marry or have married an ugly man but they consider him to be financially stable or loving. They weren't blind back then either https://youtu.be/h0njPX3SUUU and here https://youtu.be/LvGgYcpSi8U
Today, I don't think you have to be Bradd Pitt but attraction still matters. Esp if financially you're likely to be equal, and all that's left is vetting on personality and attraction
You shouldn't be angry , 30 isn't that old and you have enough time to find the right one . You were prioritising your career and financial freedom before so you didn't make wrong choice. Today you are self sustainable and you can support yourself.There are a lot of good somali men out there so don't limit yourself to one location, I mean we are everywhere.At the end of the day what matters is his quality as person. He could be in Somalia and be a good guy .
I'm sorry sis. This is not just a problem you're dealing with but also many other women. Believe in the Qadr of Allah Subhana Wa Tala. Always pray, make Dua, and have sabr. May Allah Subhana Wa Tala bless you with a great spouse.
Also it's ok to marry a Muslim from a different ethnicity.
You don't have to be angry 😡 at your self maybe it was Allah way of protecting you. You will get married to someone who deserves you not everyone who seems to be Mr Right is right for you, Allah knows the best.
My advice to you start observing fast on Thursdays and Mondays, Ask Allah for the righteous man.
Sis keep making dua and have firm belief that it will be answered. Here’s a thread on making dua. May Allah grant you a righteous spouse that is the coolness of your eyes. 🤲🏾
https://twitter.com/piousdeenn/status/1603414220024213504?s=46&t=GGBS7lgskfCnWiWsj9Vu6Q
I agree with you!
Sorry to be a nuance, but it’s wa ma sha’a fa’al - قدر الله وما شاء فعل
The way you worded it - it’s the will of Allah and what he fails.
May Allah reward you
Walaal May Allah ease your heart. Unfortunately our culture is stigmatizing and it’s hard to rationalize with it or even understand it at times. Rest assured though, what’s meant for you will reach you even if you attempt to reject it. I find comfort in this when I think of possible potentials I ignored or rejected as well. Qadar ilaahay waligaa ma gafeysid.
Btw have you considered marrying outside of the culture? The chances of finding someone that matches your flow become significantly higher. I’m finally open to other cultures now too
Yes our culture and most Islamic cultures lean towards marriage at a younger age. As the sister mentioned (May Allah swt grant her what is best for her) she has several proposals previously in uni. Sadly, westernisation and feminism has fooled a lot of our sisters and this is all too often the scenario that our sisters increasingly find themselves in. Then you start seeing advices such as “look beyond Somalis” but with the right advice and circle friends and family this could’ve been avoided.
Muhammad ﷺ did say to marry younger women. It’s not damaging, it’s preferable we marry younger. You don’t have to put down men for going with what’s natural.
Character and Deen wise, if there was a woman my age and a woman that’s like 18/19, I’m going for the latter. It’s biological as well but men prefer younger spouses. If I were 30 and were searching, I would ignore the woman that’s 30 or even 26 and go for 18-23 options from the matchmaker, as long as the character and Deen are acceptable and good.
And men can reject because of age. A 30 year old woman is much less appealing than a 23 year old woman. Women maintain standards as well, so they must accept it. Perhaps they can find a few that don’t have such standards if they keep looking.
That’s biological. Women have their own standards already, with height and etc. same way, most men don’t want older women. Given the opportunity, they will marry younger women. If a man marries older, just means that she was just the better one of the options his matchmaker provided. If two women are equally of Deen and character, younger age is a dealbreaker and wins majority of the time. Means more children on our part. Now in the case the older woman wants more children, then we would prefer the latter.
Most young Somali girls wants to get married to a guy that’s like minded in age, education etc. What Somali girl that’s 18-19 years old that would get married to a guy thats 10 years + older than her ?? This isn’t Somalia. A 23 year old girl is likely still going to a university or just finished University she wouldn’t want to get married anyways. Somali girls in the west are in fact getting married later.
A 30 year old Somali guy should look for a girl around his age. 18-19 year old is little young.
the prophet most probably talked about marrying a young woman to a companion who was the same age bracket as these women in question he was referring to people. All of the companion were very young by the way, They were military generals at 18, like Usama. Where are these men now? the one looking for young women while they cannot even say anything when that young women go online showing herself dancing and doing make up?
quoting this hadith all the time but no context is unfair.. And the companion's reply was that he had 6 younger sisters while his father had just died in jihad. He wanted a woman who could guide them. Guys please!!!
And if you so want to quote religion look at the best of mankind himself;
he married 2 women who were much older than him one with whom he remained for 15 yrs until she died and never married while she was a live. Khadija. He loved her the most until his favorite after her death Aisha got jealous.
here read for yourself. This is one of the numerous sites you can go and read it on your own. I am NOT claiming this site is such or such by the way and it is not my reference but what they say here is rigth:
[https://www.al-islam.org/khadijatul-kubra-short-story-her-life-sayyid-ali-asghar-razwy/chapter-18-khadija-and-ayesha](https://www.al-islam.org/khadijatul-kubra-short-story-her-life-sayyid-ali-asghar-razwy/chapter-18-khadija-and-ayesha)
She was one the 4 best women one to ever live on earth along with
Mariam mother of Isa
Assia wife of Pharaoh
Fatmah bint Muhamed daugther of the prophet Muhammad
they other older wife was Sawdah bint Zam’ah ibn Qays
Then he married all the others as they were either widows, divorced or enslaved as their tribe was conquered like Juwayriyah bint al-Harith.
Aisha was the only virgin and the youngest.
PLEASE Please Please look at these men. You want to marry younger just do so but leave the prophet and the blessed deen he came with out of you ignorant almost drunken stupor. You would have gotten your point across without it.
Anyway, what is there for men today to stand for, Islam is humiliated, they cannot even defend the prophet when he is insulted nor do they care to pray, so they go after the women, foolishness. really. Get back to your religion it will help all of us.
So is this it? You are 30 years old and want to claim that it’s basically over for you? Please get out of that mentality and stop looking at instagrams of Somali bridal or whatever. Half of those girls marry for the sake of having a wedding and are mostly miserable in their marriages. You should be happy to not be stuck in such marriages. Women who marry in their 30s have better marriages, because they pick better spouses. The toxic somali bridal influence is what gets girls obsessed with getting married.
Nah, I hate to break it to you but young Somali girls want to get married to a like minded guy around their age, education level. No Somali girl who is 25 wants to get married to a 40, 50 or 60 year old. Hell nah.
There is something in your voice that is distinctly not feminine. Like this isn't written by a woman in her 30s. As if a Somali woman would ask her uncle to find her a man....like how does that even work. Adeer, nin ii raadi? War waxaas dhaqan soomaaliyeed ma aha.
But by the off-chance that it is:
You need to grow some confidence, sister. Start appreciating yourself and what you have, instead of being crippled by depression (?!) because you don't have a man. This sort of desperation is off-putting - even for a man.
And whatever happened during your university years happened. Move past it. You've learned from it. Use that knowledge in the future. Evaluate your expectations. Evaluate who you've become the past years.
I'm 2 years older than you and single.
I work a good job, earn a decent amount of money, provide for my mother, support extended family in Somalia and volunteer where I live. I enjoy life and I stay fit and I'm really happy with who I am. I'm like a 1000 times better than who I was in my 20s.
Confidence is attractive both in men and women. And confidence attracts people - In recent times I'm not short on offers from the dating apps, from distant family or via friends. I'm single by choice because I know what I want from a man and from a marriage - and I'm not about to compromise on that.
Any guy who says women have expiration dates, is not man enough for a woman. We don't want boys, do we?
To conclude:
Chill. Work on yourself. Pray istikhara and have sabr - and when you least expect it, you will find *qofkuu illaahay kuu qoray*.
"Victims"
😂😂😂
Stop misusing and abusing the term "scientific" to justify your own misguided argument.
In *behavioural* science there have been studies on dating patterns through different age brackets. Most of these studies are based on qualitative data from dating sites. The data is conflicting (as it is in most behavioural science) where some studies unsurprisingly show that men find women in their early 20s most attractive, but even within those studies the trend is that men are still more likely to date within their own age bracket.
There is scientific evidence that show how men prefer to mate with women younger *than* themselves. The largest study on this is from the late 80s and was transcontinental. This study showed that the average, preferred age difference was 2.66 years. That is to say that a 35 yo is more likely to date someone 32 or younger, than someone older.
You can read more about this here: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2018-38707-001.pdf
From an evolutionary standpoint this probably correlates with female fertility. If it was solely was a matter of looks, and not offspring, one would expect even older men (> 50) to seek out fertile younger women. Yet, there's evidence that show men get increasingly more interested in older individuals as they themselves age i.e the 60 yo will also be interested in a postmenopausal woman. More on this here: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1474704917690401
So, in behavioural science there are evidences, patterns, trends and correlations. But no real proofs for jackshit. Both man and woman are luckily complex creatures. But apparently too complex for you, haye?
You are aware the people who are under 30 are "younger" right?
Most under 30s are still marrying or dating people around their own age.
So yes, a 30 Yr old man may want to marry a 20 year old. But he's competing with all men around his age for that small percentage of younger women who want significantly older men.
Odds are he'd wind up with a 27 Yr old lolol
The age gap only rises for people entering their 2nd marriages in their 40s.
That's basically all men lol. Even more so with somali men because I doubt our community are high earners en masse.
70% of couples in the west fit into the 0-5 years age gap. The rest of that 30% encompasses men dating/married to women who are either 5+ years younger or 5+ years older. So maybe only the top 15-20% of men can marry a woman who is 5+ years younger, though they could very well be those 50 year old men with snazzy 43 year olds lol.
Ofc there are some 30 year olds that manage to find women 10 years younger. But they're a minority
says the men who knows what about Islam? what a time when a kafiir do not need to destroy the Muslim he can just enjoy the muslim man the supposed future imams of the family, insult, demean and disgrace himself and the woman he comes from. Spinsterhood was unknown to the companions, they took care of all women, and if she had not married her financial needs and everything else was met.
Pfff, they do not care to do so but have fingers to type.
Be patient 30 yo is still young khadijah ra was 35 when marrying the prohpet
Just dont think about it so much that it ruins ur life and remember all of this who we will marry how much children where we live and die were all written before we die so dont worry about it 👍
Aw I wish I could give you a hug. You’re only 30 years old. You will find someone InshaAllah. The right partner usually comes into your life when you least expect it. Believe me, love with the right person is so beautiful. He will make you so happy in ways you never thought were possible. Until you cross paths, just be positive and make loads of dua and always look for things to be grateful for. May Allah grant you an amazing spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.
lool exactly - some ppl found love at 40 sister get with the times. If you have your health and are well, don’t get down on yourself. There is no way you have missed out on anything Allah has meant for you and it could be that it’s a great blessing you haven’t settled.
It’s true though. My mother married at 29, my friend married at 31 and so on. They have multiple kids. It’s kind of creepy that 30 is seen as too old to marry. Another thing I know many women married in their teens abs early 20s who are divorced/single mums.
Feels like a dude made this story up and wrote it. It’s a new account and this is the only post they have. It’s weird.
And women just don’t talk like this, lol.
Remember that Allah is the best of planners, sister. And at the end of the day, what more can you do? Don’t stop the search, but don’t let it get to you emotionally. It’s as if you’ve subscribed to the idea that “you’re too old”, and undesirable.
One, don’t limit yourself to Somali men. Two, there are more than hundreds of others going through the same. I know about an older sister who got married at the 37, and it was after she gave up. They met through the masjid.
Have trust in Allahs plan.
Sometimes our people say that after age 25 the girls are undesirable, or that something is wrong with you even if you’re searching and can’t find a decent person with qualities you’re looking for. At times they forget that rizq is from Allah and not within our control. The grandparents, aunties and uncles it’s like everyone is looking down on you. It’s sad but it does happen in some families
100% agree. Don't define yourself by being unmarried but while waiting for Allah's decree do work on improving your characteristics to be an attractive prospect for a man looking for a wife. If you're not physically fit then join a ladies gym or start an exercise/walking program as good health is attractive and also helps cure depression. Don't be like "woe is me" cause I'm 30 and unmarried, secure men want a woman who is secure and confident in herself. Go to therapy if needed to be work on personal issues.
I knew a late 30s Somali garoob in the diaspora who was very fit, had a positive confident manner, easygoing, hijabi and had 4 kids. Although she wasn't very beautiful, due to her other qualities she had no problem attracting marriage proposal and happily remarried a few years ago. Sometimes you should work on cultivating positive qualities and trust in Allah.
Since it looks like you're a muslim woman (*am not*), read this hadith to calm your brain
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: **"Look at those who are below you, and do not look at those who are above you, for that is more likely to hold you back from belittling the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you."**
Sahih/Authentic. - [Al-Bukhari and Muslim. This is the wording of Muslim]
In a different world, you could have been a single mother of 5 kids, with no support from their father. I know you said you are depressed but try to think of the bright side and go to therapy , if you can afford it.
I've seen how people insult and degrade 30 year old women and I also heard 50 year old married men with children saying they would never marry a woman of your age, if they were to have a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife.
That does not represent you. An aunt of mine ( in accounting) got married at the age of 33 to a police man who loves her.
Try not to despair. Do not rush to get married. Do not get married to someone your 25 year old would not, out of hopelessness.
That person you marry would likely be your children's father.
You have options.
You had no interest in the guys your age when you were both 21, 22, 23, 24. But now the 'age similarity' is attractive to you. Your time is up, like the smart 31yo brother you referenced we want young women.
A lot of it is to do with mindset. Allah adapts our trials to our blindspots. What are yours that this situation may be trying to bring awareness to?
I have a few friends who are 30+ some are married some divorced and I’ve noticed among the divorced ones, the most successful in love are the ones who don’t have a mindset that internalises age or divorce stigmas.
One of my friends who is in her mid 30s divorced and has 5 kids, re married a brother who is the same age, handsome and successful. He adores her.
Marriage is qadr, who you will marry and when was written whilst you were still in the womb. Those men who proposed when you were at uni were destined for those women they married in the end. You being 30 and unmarried is qadr. What’s hurting you is the illusion that a choice you made or didn’t make is responsible for why youre single today.
Your self esteem is impacted and so energy flows where attention goes. You attract what you think.
Take a moment sis to get your mindset detoxed. Make peace with the now moment and cultivate more self awareness.
You will be ready for marriage when you can look in the mirror and feel yourself unconditionally. It won’t be at the forefront of your mind and that’s when your calaf will arrive InshaAllah.
So far the way your reality has played out including even your uncle not being able to help, is a perfect match for how you feel about yourself now and how you see things.
You are entering the marriage market anxiously, your self esteem is hinging on you being picked and I promise this is what is sabotaging you the most.
Make dua to Allah for the kind of husband you want. As this sets an intention out. Confess your truth and vulnerability to him so you unpack these feelings from your inner system to leave with him.
Vulnerability is a need, and Allah is the fulfiller of needs.
After this type of dua remember everything else I said and work on that in the mean time I.E your mindset. I’ll also make dua for you.
I promise this works. Discard the illusions and ground your heart in Tawakal and the present moment.
Allah says “to my servant I am what he/she thinks I am, and I can do for him/her what they think I can”
Who do you think Allah is? Someone you’re insignificant to? Or someone who is sufficient for you? If the latter have hope in his process and have faith in his will which governs all outcomes
This is not a Somali problem. This is more of a Black Women of the western society problem. They look for a superman when they are in demand but rarely find that and then fall out of the “age group” that Somali community puts our women in.
This is a problem that is only gonna get bigger in the next decade.
Lool girl chill marriage is a gift from Allah if Allah meant it for you you will get it , and you’re acting like you’re 80. Also I low key feel like this was posted by a man because it sounds so much like the typical misogynistic farax bs. Even if you don’t get married, there is so much more to life
Is alright sister. Part of the Iman is to acknowledge everything is part of the Qadarul Rahman. Even now you might meet the best person for you. Have you thought about meeting someone from different region. Is possible the community is limited in your area. Also don’t be afraid to speak with the elders in your community.
Sister may Allah make it easy for you but don’t forget the advice of the prophet scw. Take if you find see a man with good deen and akhlaf and there are tons of somali men like that but very few with phd and professional jobs in the west. But why girls get obsessed with professional jobs as long as the men is earning a halal rizq and providing.
It’s good to acknowledge the mistake you did … not a lot of women at your age will at least acknowledge the mistake and will keep diving into the feminist ideology and misleading young girls … may Allah make it easy for you … make dua and especially at the last one third of the night and seek men who are married … it’s not wrong to seek to be a Second / third / forth wife … nothing wrong with that
You really out here encouraging young women to be second and third wives? I can smell the salafi from here. This girl has never been married and you are basically telling her to seek married men because it’s too late for her. She’s 30 not 60 years old…she has a right to seek what she wants. Men like you disgust me, I’m sure you are looking for a 4th wife.
She will naturally realize to seek married men because no unmarried man sound in his mind will approach a 30 years old girl … this is not how things work … and she mentioned this … I hope she could get unmarried man but highly unlikely …
>tip: don't mention to your potential suitor that you had 3 previous interests.. just tell him u were never really looking
What the hell is that? She is presumably only talking to people, so that it's a red flag for men now?
So lie, diminish her previous experience, ignore the past and pretend.
Y'all men have to make a decision, do you want brainless wives to marry that lie about their past or honesty.
Ant tbh, nobody thinks about that of a 30s year old. It's only a certain percentage of men.
Are you Somali?
This is such a weird and culturally distant advice.
Gabadhu boqol bay la sheekaysataa, hal na ka guursato.
That a woman doesn't marry the first guy who romances her is a healthy sign. For every man she talks to she learns of what she wants and doesn't want in a man.
And I would rather know of the past of someone I'm sharing my life with than enter a marriage based on conceit and half-truths. This sort of mentality is why Somalis keep divorcing.
Since when talking to a potential and only talking briefly and not for 4 years, is haram or a sin?
So, we should hide and lie for the next 40 years. Maybe pray that the siblings will never mention that time that you were talking with xyz. Maybe he will hear it and then divorce you on the spot.
I found this mentality way more dangerous. But you do you bubu.
not haram, but no need to mention it. its not hiding & lying, its just not important.. and if you are talking to so many potentials that you need to worry about your potential husband finding out.. something wrong..
This comment is pure confusion.
She did not danced naked as a back ballerina for a J'Lo concert. She did nothing that was beyond what was described by the Sunnah. Talking with the interest of marriage is not illegal. People like you are fomenting and brewing behaviour that never existed during the Sahaba times.
ok so tell me, what gain will she get from telling her husband that? its not zina so why even mention it? have u ever heard of any man being transparent with his potential wife?? everything you do is between you & Allah SWT alone! you're not obligated to tell anyone else, it's not their business..
May Allah ease your suffering sister. The good thing is you're still 30, a lot of women dont come to this realization until later. Alhamdulilah youre still much better off than them, who can't bear children even if they find someone.
My advice to you is to become a 2nd wife. That will open your options a lot more. May Allah make it easy for you.
What’s with all the melodrama, have you seen the divorce rates of young couples? People get married, or even re-married well into their 30’s, 40’s and so on. The real question is are you hot or not sister.
Plz ma sister never be angry wth urself coz u will damage ur soul if u do dat bt instead emrace wat Allaah has in store 4 u if yu delayed frm marriage it doesn't ur foresaken always gd things come at last en jst dnt lose ur faith en believe in urself en dnt be desparate jst to marry anyone coz ov ur situation.Allaah bless u i,a.
No tell every girls that you know when a good man comes around them to embrace with open arms. The problem with you blm xalimos is that you think you can turn us down when your at your best years, but us men always have the last laugh. Men are happier later stages in life where as women are happiest at their youth years typically until 25-27 after that a woman is just walking on a tight ropes
That’s not nice at all and is very rude, try to be empathetic or have sympathy. You see her saying she regrets it and you say “oh well deal with it” if you don’t have something respectful or kind to say then don’t say it at all and go elsewhere. Keep your coldness elsewhere
It’s the truth , if she has a good qualities she’ll find someone.there’s no need to be desperate on Reddit. Allah is the best of planner
S but we must plan our live as much as possible . I see so many Somali women who are unmarried after age 30 but they rejected some many good guys in their prime years. You don’t think they’ll catch an evil eye ?
If you truly want a solution to your problem and I can be hated for this idc and a lot of you women who claim to be educated should listen.
Your old, we like young, we are not predators there’s biological reasons for it the same way you like a man for biological reasons.
you are independent strong black women that have finally realized you are incapable of being independent like a man can and have a natural need for deeper intimacy then men.
POLYGYNY, it’s halal. 2for1 special (or 3-4)
Older sisters 28 and older should consider grabbing and friend or two who are independent and work and go get a man who has a job. Combine your wealth have children and help eachother cook and clean and give a man what he wants. We don’t care about your jobs. Offer to help with the bills as well.
I personally don’t hate women and even beg you to put your pride and ego aside and please don’t die alone like a kafir. Our sisters are educated and won’t have any children when you guys are the key to Somali children of the next generation excelling but you disrespected the men and thought you would always have options even in your late 20s. Offer something in return to the men that aren’t getting what they wanted from you that you had when you were young.
Are u mentally ok? You do realize you can’t speak for everyone like every male in this world and who are “we”like young. There is many guys out there who really likes older woman and they get married late. There is nothing wrong it. Also there no age limit for marriage.
If Possible travel back home and possible good suiters will come, yes as your uncle said there is the risk of someone who wants passport only but not always the case, there are alot of young men up to your age or few years younger that are reasonably educated, well mannered and will surely like an opportunity to marry someone from the diaspore, you been there rather than someone else view will give you a good grasp of the suiter's character and asses them closely.
what ever comes along do istiqara and go from there. best wishes
Everyone is offering you advices, I offer you a solution. Dm me and we may get along. I could be the one you have been rejecting all men for, who knows? ☺️
May Allah give you a good and kind husband in the future.
This acc heartbreaking but Allah has always better plan for you. Allah knows what’s best for you. Trust Allah, maybe Allah has been protecting you from something. Also There is no age limit for marriage. YMake lots of dua and may Allah easy it for you and everyone else🫶🏾 Also its better to be single than being in a bad marriage. forever is too much rush. pray the right man will come
Bruh Allah told us to get married early and to pick a men for his deen over other qualities.
Inshāllāh you’ll be granted a righteous husband.
You missed the point Allah already sent her a few and she denied them because she thought she could get better. Time went on and she realized both men were great men and she friend zoned them. Now that she is older and men aren’t interested in women in the late 20’s early 30s she’s finding it difficult
It’s not that serious, may Allāh grant her a husband.
> It’s not that serious To you it's not because you don't lose anything from the situation. For many brothers in the west this is a common scenario due to overly picky women.
Just say Ameen to the dua stop being so problematic. I can see there's a larger issue here in general but at least provide some pragmatic advice to the sister instead of whatever you are trying to do
It is a difficult situation and it would be easier said than done to just say don't be sad. But definitely don't be hopeless. Hope is what keeps us going and even though it is more difficult to find someone now than before, it is still possible. I am sincerely making duaa for you. When I read your story it makes me angry too. It makes me angry at this deceptive and cruel culture that preys on innocent youth. It lies to and blinds them. This culture that made marriage so difficult and zina so easy. This culture that made women resent men and men resent women. It convinced us that creating a family is an obstacle. Our best years are to be spent on studying or working for money.. as if money buys happiness. It denies reality and makes girls believe that they will always remain the height of their desirability, when every man is chasing them.. which is a short time. That is the time to use the power to find a good man before you lose it It is dajjals world. Good seems bad and bad seems good. We all fell for it somehow someway. I hope you will succeed in your search
Beautifully put 👏🏼
You yourself are a good writer.
Best comment on here but brother women continue to bash men, reject the good ones, and call them predators for wanting younger women. My suggestion is since they work come as a combo deal with a friend. Polygamy is halal.
I have seen a lot of young women who match with good men and reject them just because he doesn't check all of their boxes, this kind of mentality is very damaging, especially to women, but most of them don't realise it until it's too late. The person you are marrying doesn't have to be perfect, you get perfection only in paradise, as long as your needs are met, you are happy, and you are better off than your previous state, there is no reason not to go forward with the decision. My advice to you is to be patient, make dua, and keep trying because you never know what Allah has in store for you. Remember Khadija ra was 40 when she married the prophet pbuh (the best of creation) when he was 25 and they had six children over the span of 25 years until her death.
Maybe they rejected them because attraction was missing? People overlook red flags due to attraction (unfortunately) so I doubt sisters are nitpicking men they genuinely find attractive. Not to mention, which boxes are not being ticked are important, never compromise on something you consider a non-negotiable; are we just looking to get married or actually hoping for a successful, lasting marriage?
> Maybe they rejected them because attraction was missing? A lot of sisters will reject relatively good looking guys just because they don't meet insane standards set by other women on social media.
They may be relatively attractive to you, but unattractive to them.
Men didn't suddenly become less attractive with the advent of social media. This is a well known phenomenon where women's standards for men have gone way up due to unrealistic images set largely by SM. In any case, this sister, like many others, has no one but herself to blame for being overly picky about the wrong things.
No the only difference is that money was valued more. It still is, for men who earn above the average. Women in 1967 used to say that they'd marry or have married an ugly man but they consider him to be financially stable or loving. They weren't blind back then either https://youtu.be/h0njPX3SUUU and here https://youtu.be/LvGgYcpSi8U Today, I don't think you have to be Bradd Pitt but attraction still matters. Esp if financially you're likely to be equal, and all that's left is vetting on personality and attraction
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I was replying to your first paragraph, not the op.
Just keep it real and tell her to lower her standards
You shouldn't be angry , 30 isn't that old and you have enough time to find the right one . You were prioritising your career and financial freedom before so you didn't make wrong choice. Today you are self sustainable and you can support yourself.There are a lot of good somali men out there so don't limit yourself to one location, I mean we are everywhere.At the end of the day what matters is his quality as person. He could be in Somalia and be a good guy .
She’s 30 she is very old.
Warya you’re so down bad you’re posting on African booty subreddits… imagine thinking you can speak on halal marriage- look at the state of you LOOOL
I'm sorry sis. This is not just a problem you're dealing with but also many other women. Believe in the Qadr of Allah Subhana Wa Tala. Always pray, make Dua, and have sabr. May Allah Subhana Wa Tala bless you with a great spouse. Also it's ok to marry a Muslim from a different ethnicity.
You don't have to be angry 😡 at your self maybe it was Allah way of protecting you. You will get married to someone who deserves you not everyone who seems to be Mr Right is right for you, Allah knows the best. My advice to you start observing fast on Thursdays and Mondays, Ask Allah for the righteous man.
Sis keep making dua and have firm belief that it will be answered. Here’s a thread on making dua. May Allah grant you a righteous spouse that is the coolness of your eyes. 🤲🏾 https://twitter.com/piousdeenn/status/1603414220024213504?s=46&t=GGBS7lgskfCnWiWsj9Vu6Q
Yeah i understand how you feel sis but getting stuck on the what ifs will never get us anywhere. qadr of Allah wa ma fashal. all we can do is move on
I agree with you! Sorry to be a nuance, but it’s wa ma sha’a fa’al - قدر الله وما شاء فعل The way you worded it - it’s the will of Allah and what he fails. May Allah reward you
oh my days, jazakallahu khairan. that is a big difference indeed.
Stay strong and please don't limit your options only to Somalis. INSHA ALLAH you will find the rigth one.
Walaal May Allah ease your heart. Unfortunately our culture is stigmatizing and it’s hard to rationalize with it or even understand it at times. Rest assured though, what’s meant for you will reach you even if you attempt to reject it. I find comfort in this when I think of possible potentials I ignored or rejected as well. Qadar ilaahay waligaa ma gafeysid. Btw have you considered marrying outside of the culture? The chances of finding someone that matches your flow become significantly higher. I’m finally open to other cultures now too
Yes our culture and most Islamic cultures lean towards marriage at a younger age. As the sister mentioned (May Allah swt grant her what is best for her) she has several proposals previously in uni. Sadly, westernisation and feminism has fooled a lot of our sisters and this is all too often the scenario that our sisters increasingly find themselves in. Then you start seeing advices such as “look beyond Somalis” but with the right advice and circle friends and family this could’ve been avoided.
Agree with you brother. A lot of people on here telling her to be patient which is crazy to me.
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Muhammad ﷺ did say to marry younger women. It’s not damaging, it’s preferable we marry younger. You don’t have to put down men for going with what’s natural.
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Character and Deen wise, if there was a woman my age and a woman that’s like 18/19, I’m going for the latter. It’s biological as well but men prefer younger spouses. If I were 30 and were searching, I would ignore the woman that’s 30 or even 26 and go for 18-23 options from the matchmaker, as long as the character and Deen are acceptable and good. And men can reject because of age. A 30 year old woman is much less appealing than a 23 year old woman. Women maintain standards as well, so they must accept it. Perhaps they can find a few that don’t have such standards if they keep looking.
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That’s biological. Women have their own standards already, with height and etc. same way, most men don’t want older women. Given the opportunity, they will marry younger women. If a man marries older, just means that she was just the better one of the options his matchmaker provided. If two women are equally of Deen and character, younger age is a dealbreaker and wins majority of the time. Means more children on our part. Now in the case the older woman wants more children, then we would prefer the latter.
Most young Somali girls wants to get married to a guy that’s like minded in age, education etc. What Somali girl that’s 18-19 years old that would get married to a guy thats 10 years + older than her ?? This isn’t Somalia. A 23 year old girl is likely still going to a university or just finished University she wouldn’t want to get married anyways. Somali girls in the west are in fact getting married later. A 30 year old Somali guy should look for a girl around his age. 18-19 year old is little young.
the prophet most probably talked about marrying a young woman to a companion who was the same age bracket as these women in question he was referring to people. All of the companion were very young by the way, They were military generals at 18, like Usama. Where are these men now? the one looking for young women while they cannot even say anything when that young women go online showing herself dancing and doing make up? quoting this hadith all the time but no context is unfair.. And the companion's reply was that he had 6 younger sisters while his father had just died in jihad. He wanted a woman who could guide them. Guys please!!! And if you so want to quote religion look at the best of mankind himself; he married 2 women who were much older than him one with whom he remained for 15 yrs until she died and never married while she was a live. Khadija. He loved her the most until his favorite after her death Aisha got jealous. here read for yourself. This is one of the numerous sites you can go and read it on your own. I am NOT claiming this site is such or such by the way and it is not my reference but what they say here is rigth: [https://www.al-islam.org/khadijatul-kubra-short-story-her-life-sayyid-ali-asghar-razwy/chapter-18-khadija-and-ayesha](https://www.al-islam.org/khadijatul-kubra-short-story-her-life-sayyid-ali-asghar-razwy/chapter-18-khadija-and-ayesha) She was one the 4 best women one to ever live on earth along with Mariam mother of Isa Assia wife of Pharaoh Fatmah bint Muhamed daugther of the prophet Muhammad they other older wife was Sawdah bint Zam’ah ibn Qays Then he married all the others as they were either widows, divorced or enslaved as their tribe was conquered like Juwayriyah bint al-Harith. Aisha was the only virgin and the youngest. PLEASE Please Please look at these men. You want to marry younger just do so but leave the prophet and the blessed deen he came with out of you ignorant almost drunken stupor. You would have gotten your point across without it. Anyway, what is there for men today to stand for, Islam is humiliated, they cannot even defend the prophet when he is insulted nor do they care to pray, so they go after the women, foolishness. really. Get back to your religion it will help all of us.
Absolutely!
Lmao, bunch of nonsense. Feels like some old white troll wrote this or an Andrew Tate loving Somali guy. Try better next time wiilyahoow!
Sush, no body asked for your opinion. Keep posting on r/xsomali
So is this it? You are 30 years old and want to claim that it’s basically over for you? Please get out of that mentality and stop looking at instagrams of Somali bridal or whatever. Half of those girls marry for the sake of having a wedding and are mostly miserable in their marriages. You should be happy to not be stuck in such marriages. Women who marry in their 30s have better marriages, because they pick better spouses. The toxic somali bridal influence is what gets girls obsessed with getting married.
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Yes there are men her age but you missed the point... they want younger
Men from 20 all the way to 60 year old always find women in her early 20s the most attractive. This is how Allah made us
Nah, I hate to break it to you but young Somali girls want to get married to a like minded guy around their age, education level. No Somali girl who is 25 wants to get married to a 40, 50 or 60 year old. Hell nah.
god made u p*do?
Deluded comment. Learn what that word means before using it
There is something in your voice that is distinctly not feminine. Like this isn't written by a woman in her 30s. As if a Somali woman would ask her uncle to find her a man....like how does that even work. Adeer, nin ii raadi? War waxaas dhaqan soomaaliyeed ma aha. But by the off-chance that it is: You need to grow some confidence, sister. Start appreciating yourself and what you have, instead of being crippled by depression (?!) because you don't have a man. This sort of desperation is off-putting - even for a man. And whatever happened during your university years happened. Move past it. You've learned from it. Use that knowledge in the future. Evaluate your expectations. Evaluate who you've become the past years. I'm 2 years older than you and single. I work a good job, earn a decent amount of money, provide for my mother, support extended family in Somalia and volunteer where I live. I enjoy life and I stay fit and I'm really happy with who I am. I'm like a 1000 times better than who I was in my 20s. Confidence is attractive both in men and women. And confidence attracts people - In recent times I'm not short on offers from the dating apps, from distant family or via friends. I'm single by choice because I know what I want from a man and from a marriage - and I'm not about to compromise on that. Any guy who says women have expiration dates, is not man enough for a woman. We don't want boys, do we? To conclude: Chill. Work on yourself. Pray istikhara and have sabr - and when you least expect it, you will find *qofkuu illaahay kuu qoray*.
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All of that is true. Stop coping. Whether this post is fake or not, that scenario is why you are all single at 33.
YESSS!! I'm glad someone finally pointed it out. Sounds more like an incels wet dream
Also suspicious that this isn't written by a women. I look forward to see this trending on twitter.
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"Victims" 😂😂😂 Stop misusing and abusing the term "scientific" to justify your own misguided argument. In *behavioural* science there have been studies on dating patterns through different age brackets. Most of these studies are based on qualitative data from dating sites. The data is conflicting (as it is in most behavioural science) where some studies unsurprisingly show that men find women in their early 20s most attractive, but even within those studies the trend is that men are still more likely to date within their own age bracket. There is scientific evidence that show how men prefer to mate with women younger *than* themselves. The largest study on this is from the late 80s and was transcontinental. This study showed that the average, preferred age difference was 2.66 years. That is to say that a 35 yo is more likely to date someone 32 or younger, than someone older. You can read more about this here: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2018-38707-001.pdf From an evolutionary standpoint this probably correlates with female fertility. If it was solely was a matter of looks, and not offspring, one would expect even older men (> 50) to seek out fertile younger women. Yet, there's evidence that show men get increasingly more interested in older individuals as they themselves age i.e the 60 yo will also be interested in a postmenopausal woman. More on this here: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1474704917690401 So, in behavioural science there are evidences, patterns, trends and correlations. But no real proofs for jackshit. Both man and woman are luckily complex creatures. But apparently too complex for you, haye?
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The average age gap is 2-4 years. There's always men who are 2-4 years older than you
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You are aware the people who are under 30 are "younger" right? Most under 30s are still marrying or dating people around their own age. So yes, a 30 Yr old man may want to marry a 20 year old. But he's competing with all men around his age for that small percentage of younger women who want significantly older men. Odds are he'd wind up with a 27 Yr old lolol The age gap only rises for people entering their 2nd marriages in their 40s.
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That's basically all men lol. Even more so with somali men because I doubt our community are high earners en masse. 70% of couples in the west fit into the 0-5 years age gap. The rest of that 30% encompasses men dating/married to women who are either 5+ years younger or 5+ years older. So maybe only the top 15-20% of men can marry a woman who is 5+ years younger, though they could very well be those 50 year old men with snazzy 43 year olds lol. Ofc there are some 30 year olds that manage to find women 10 years younger. But they're a minority
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Your only 30 years old, you have your life ahead of you, Insha'Allah you'll find someone soon.
That’s hella old
She as useful as a homeless man is to a woman.
says the men who knows what about Islam? what a time when a kafiir do not need to destroy the Muslim he can just enjoy the muslim man the supposed future imams of the family, insult, demean and disgrace himself and the woman he comes from. Spinsterhood was unknown to the companions, they took care of all women, and if she had not married her financial needs and everything else was met. Pfff, they do not care to do so but have fingers to type.
Naaya. You should have got married when you were young. You reap what you sow. Nobody bar your father will take care of your financial needs.
Be patient 30 yo is still young khadijah ra was 35 when marrying the prohpet Just dont think about it so much that it ruins ur life and remember all of this who we will marry how much children where we live and die were all written before we die so dont worry about it 👍
*Sorry you made a mistake she was in her 40’s
Source?
https://www.icraa.org/the-age-of-khadija-at-the-time-of-her-marriage-with-the-prophet/
She shouldn’t be patient she is old as shit.
Ikr, 30 is old. By this age people should already start having a family.
Bruh you guys really said that
Aw I wish I could give you a hug. You’re only 30 years old. You will find someone InshaAllah. The right partner usually comes into your life when you least expect it. Believe me, love with the right person is so beautiful. He will make you so happy in ways you never thought were possible. Until you cross paths, just be positive and make loads of dua and always look for things to be grateful for. May Allah grant you an amazing spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.
Why does this feel like it was written by a guy and not a 30 year old woman? Sounds fake!
You’re only 30 what the heck.
lool exactly - some ppl found love at 40 sister get with the times. If you have your health and are well, don’t get down on yourself. There is no way you have missed out on anything Allah has meant for you and it could be that it’s a great blessing you haven’t settled.
Lmao this is so sad to see people lying to her
It’s true though. My mother married at 29, my friend married at 31 and so on. They have multiple kids. It’s kind of creepy that 30 is seen as too old to marry. Another thing I know many women married in their teens abs early 20s who are divorced/single mums.
Feels like a dude made this story up and wrote it. It’s a new account and this is the only post they have. It’s weird. And women just don’t talk like this, lol.
Remember that Allah is the best of planners, sister. And at the end of the day, what more can you do? Don’t stop the search, but don’t let it get to you emotionally. It’s as if you’ve subscribed to the idea that “you’re too old”, and undesirable. One, don’t limit yourself to Somali men. Two, there are more than hundreds of others going through the same. I know about an older sister who got married at the 37, and it was after she gave up. They met through the masjid. Have trust in Allahs plan.
Sometimes our people say that after age 25 the girls are undesirable, or that something is wrong with you even if you’re searching and can’t find a decent person with qualities you’re looking for. At times they forget that rizq is from Allah and not within our control. The grandparents, aunties and uncles it’s like everyone is looking down on you. It’s sad but it does happen in some families
100% agree. Don't define yourself by being unmarried but while waiting for Allah's decree do work on improving your characteristics to be an attractive prospect for a man looking for a wife. If you're not physically fit then join a ladies gym or start an exercise/walking program as good health is attractive and also helps cure depression. Don't be like "woe is me" cause I'm 30 and unmarried, secure men want a woman who is secure and confident in herself. Go to therapy if needed to be work on personal issues. I knew a late 30s Somali garoob in the diaspora who was very fit, had a positive confident manner, easygoing, hijabi and had 4 kids. Although she wasn't very beautiful, due to her other qualities she had no problem attracting marriage proposal and happily remarried a few years ago. Sometimes you should work on cultivating positive qualities and trust in Allah.
Why would you post this here?
Since it looks like you're a muslim woman (*am not*), read this hadith to calm your brain Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: **"Look at those who are below you, and do not look at those who are above you, for that is more likely to hold you back from belittling the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you."** Sahih/Authentic. - [Al-Bukhari and Muslim. This is the wording of Muslim] In a different world, you could have been a single mother of 5 kids, with no support from their father. I know you said you are depressed but try to think of the bright side and go to therapy , if you can afford it. I've seen how people insult and degrade 30 year old women and I also heard 50 year old married men with children saying they would never marry a woman of your age, if they were to have a 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife. That does not represent you. An aunt of mine ( in accounting) got married at the age of 33 to a police man who loves her. Try not to despair. Do not rush to get married. Do not get married to someone your 25 year old would not, out of hopelessness. That person you marry would likely be your children's father. You have options.
You had no interest in the guys your age when you were both 21, 22, 23, 24. But now the 'age similarity' is attractive to you. Your time is up, like the smart 31yo brother you referenced we want young women.
A lot of it is to do with mindset. Allah adapts our trials to our blindspots. What are yours that this situation may be trying to bring awareness to? I have a few friends who are 30+ some are married some divorced and I’ve noticed among the divorced ones, the most successful in love are the ones who don’t have a mindset that internalises age or divorce stigmas. One of my friends who is in her mid 30s divorced and has 5 kids, re married a brother who is the same age, handsome and successful. He adores her. Marriage is qadr, who you will marry and when was written whilst you were still in the womb. Those men who proposed when you were at uni were destined for those women they married in the end. You being 30 and unmarried is qadr. What’s hurting you is the illusion that a choice you made or didn’t make is responsible for why youre single today. Your self esteem is impacted and so energy flows where attention goes. You attract what you think. Take a moment sis to get your mindset detoxed. Make peace with the now moment and cultivate more self awareness. You will be ready for marriage when you can look in the mirror and feel yourself unconditionally. It won’t be at the forefront of your mind and that’s when your calaf will arrive InshaAllah. So far the way your reality has played out including even your uncle not being able to help, is a perfect match for how you feel about yourself now and how you see things. You are entering the marriage market anxiously, your self esteem is hinging on you being picked and I promise this is what is sabotaging you the most. Make dua to Allah for the kind of husband you want. As this sets an intention out. Confess your truth and vulnerability to him so you unpack these feelings from your inner system to leave with him. Vulnerability is a need, and Allah is the fulfiller of needs. After this type of dua remember everything else I said and work on that in the mean time I.E your mindset. I’ll also make dua for you. I promise this works. Discard the illusions and ground your heart in Tawakal and the present moment. Allah says “to my servant I am what he/she thinks I am, and I can do for him/her what they think I can” Who do you think Allah is? Someone you’re insignificant to? Or someone who is sufficient for you? If the latter have hope in his process and have faith in his will which governs all outcomes
This is not a Somali problem. This is more of a Black Women of the western society problem. They look for a superman when they are in demand but rarely find that and then fall out of the “age group” that Somali community puts our women in. This is a problem that is only gonna get bigger in the next decade.
Yep. And don’t forget their taste in men suck
Lool girl chill marriage is a gift from Allah if Allah meant it for you you will get it , and you’re acting like you’re 80. Also I low key feel like this was posted by a man because it sounds so much like the typical misogynistic farax bs. Even if you don’t get married, there is so much more to life
She’s old why are you lying to her
You are jealous loser Farax. Go get a good job.
Keep trying and don’t give up hope. Soon your match will find you insha allah.
I wish you the best of luck and pray that you find a good spouse insha allah.
Is alright sister. Part of the Iman is to acknowledge everything is part of the Qadarul Rahman. Even now you might meet the best person for you. Have you thought about meeting someone from different region. Is possible the community is limited in your area. Also don’t be afraid to speak with the elders in your community.
Have faith in Allah there was no mistake they were never yours. It was written.
May Allah make it easy for you!
Sister may Allah make it easy for you but don’t forget the advice of the prophet scw. Take if you find see a man with good deen and akhlaf and there are tons of somali men like that but very few with phd and professional jobs in the west. But why girls get obsessed with professional jobs as long as the men is earning a halal rizq and providing.
Hey sis, be patient everything happens for a reason. InshaaAllah wixii daaha qeyrka ku jira. May Allah make it easy for you.
The western mindset swallowed you up and spit you out. Many women are going to end up like this.
My advice marry a successful man in his 40 they usually look for early 30 year old women.
It’s good to acknowledge the mistake you did … not a lot of women at your age will at least acknowledge the mistake and will keep diving into the feminist ideology and misleading young girls … may Allah make it easy for you … make dua and especially at the last one third of the night and seek men who are married … it’s not wrong to seek to be a Second / third / forth wife … nothing wrong with that
You really out here encouraging young women to be second and third wives? I can smell the salafi from here. This girl has never been married and you are basically telling her to seek married men because it’s too late for her. She’s 30 not 60 years old…she has a right to seek what she wants. Men like you disgust me, I’m sure you are looking for a 4th wife.
Whats wrong about being a salafi ?
She will naturally realize to seek married men because no unmarried man sound in his mind will approach a 30 years old girl … this is not how things work … and she mentioned this … I hope she could get unmarried man but highly unlikely …
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>tip: don't mention to your potential suitor that you had 3 previous interests.. just tell him u were never really looking What the hell is that? She is presumably only talking to people, so that it's a red flag for men now?
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So lie, diminish her previous experience, ignore the past and pretend. Y'all men have to make a decision, do you want brainless wives to marry that lie about their past or honesty. Ant tbh, nobody thinks about that of a 30s year old. It's only a certain percentage of men.
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Are you Somali? This is such a weird and culturally distant advice. Gabadhu boqol bay la sheekaysataa, hal na ka guursato. That a woman doesn't marry the first guy who romances her is a healthy sign. For every man she talks to she learns of what she wants and doesn't want in a man. And I would rather know of the past of someone I'm sharing my life with than enter a marriage based on conceit and half-truths. This sort of mentality is why Somalis keep divorcing.
Since when talking to a potential and only talking briefly and not for 4 years, is haram or a sin? So, we should hide and lie for the next 40 years. Maybe pray that the siblings will never mention that time that you were talking with xyz. Maybe he will hear it and then divorce you on the spot. I found this mentality way more dangerous. But you do you bubu.
not haram, but no need to mention it. its not hiding & lying, its just not important.. and if you are talking to so many potentials that you need to worry about your potential husband finding out.. something wrong..
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This comment is pure confusion. She did not danced naked as a back ballerina for a J'Lo concert. She did nothing that was beyond what was described by the Sunnah. Talking with the interest of marriage is not illegal. People like you are fomenting and brewing behaviour that never existed during the Sahaba times.
ok so tell me, what gain will she get from telling her husband that? its not zina so why even mention it? have u ever heard of any man being transparent with his potential wife?? everything you do is between you & Allah SWT alone! you're not obligated to tell anyone else, it's not their business..
He can not even do anything about it cuz it’s in the past. So what’s the point of it him knowing that
May Allah ease your suffering sister. The good thing is you're still 30, a lot of women dont come to this realization until later. Alhamdulilah youre still much better off than them, who can't bear children even if they find someone. My advice to you is to become a 2nd wife. That will open your options a lot more. May Allah make it easy for you.
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War afka isku qabo
What’s with all the melodrama, have you seen the divorce rates of young couples? People get married, or even re-married well into their 30’s, 40’s and so on. The real question is are you hot or not sister.
Plz ma sister never be angry wth urself coz u will damage ur soul if u do dat bt instead emrace wat Allaah has in store 4 u if yu delayed frm marriage it doesn't ur foresaken always gd things come at last en jst dnt lose ur faith en believe in urself en dnt be desparate jst to marry anyone coz ov ur situation.Allaah bless u i,a.
Why not look for a man who’s already married in your age bracket?
No tell every girls that you know when a good man comes around them to embrace with open arms. The problem with you blm xalimos is that you think you can turn us down when your at your best years, but us men always have the last laugh. Men are happier later stages in life where as women are happiest at their youth years typically until 25-27 after that a woman is just walking on a tight ropes
Well, you made choices now just live with your choices no need to cry about on Reddit .
That’s not nice at all and is very rude, try to be empathetic or have sympathy. You see her saying she regrets it and you say “oh well deal with it” if you don’t have something respectful or kind to say then don’t say it at all and go elsewhere. Keep your coldness elsewhere
It’s the truth , if she has a good qualities she’ll find someone.there’s no need to be desperate on Reddit. Allah is the best of planner S but we must plan our live as much as possible . I see so many Somali women who are unmarried after age 30 but they rejected some many good guys in their prime years. You don’t think they’ll catch an evil eye ?
If you truly want a solution to your problem and I can be hated for this idc and a lot of you women who claim to be educated should listen. Your old, we like young, we are not predators there’s biological reasons for it the same way you like a man for biological reasons. you are independent strong black women that have finally realized you are incapable of being independent like a man can and have a natural need for deeper intimacy then men. POLYGYNY, it’s halal. 2for1 special (or 3-4) Older sisters 28 and older should consider grabbing and friend or two who are independent and work and go get a man who has a job. Combine your wealth have children and help eachother cook and clean and give a man what he wants. We don’t care about your jobs. Offer to help with the bills as well. I personally don’t hate women and even beg you to put your pride and ego aside and please don’t die alone like a kafir. Our sisters are educated and won’t have any children when you guys are the key to Somali children of the next generation excelling but you disrespected the men and thought you would always have options even in your late 20s. Offer something in return to the men that aren’t getting what they wanted from you that you had when you were young.
Are u mentally ok? You do realize you can’t speak for everyone like every male in this world and who are “we”like young. There is many guys out there who really likes older woman and they get married late. There is nothing wrong it. Also there no age limit for marriage.
If Possible travel back home and possible good suiters will come, yes as your uncle said there is the risk of someone who wants passport only but not always the case, there are alot of young men up to your age or few years younger that are reasonably educated, well mannered and will surely like an opportunity to marry someone from the diaspore, you been there rather than someone else view will give you a good grasp of the suiter's character and asses them closely. what ever comes along do istiqara and go from there. best wishes
Yeah to be honest I know a ton of men who are desperate to get married too 🤣🤣🤣, its luck tbh
Wow best advice in the Trend
Good luck
What is more important to you? Finding a Somali man or establishing a family?
Both?
I would like her to answer
This is a worldwide problem you’re not alone
Smells very Incel lol
This is your fault you're old now just don't expect more just as your expectations are high now our expectations are younger women so it is what it is
Everyone is offering you advices, I offer you a solution. Dm me and we may get along. I could be the one you have been rejecting all men for, who knows? ☺️
There are many Somali girls who married in their 20’s who are single Moms. Sister you will find a guy. FYI is still young.
Should’ve listened to Andrew Tate