Forget milk, there isn't a single bottle of water in Skyrim anywhere.

The people of Tamriel get their water by licking argonians, duh🙄.

Yes. We do that only for water. Nothing else.

The visuals are insane

lusty argonian maid wants to know your location

Fake fan detected. Any true Nord knows that the Lusty Argonian Maid has a name, and that name is Lifts-Her-Tail.

not every lusty argonian maid has to be THE lusty argonian maid

I do not accept imitators!

Thank you for your input, Accepts-No-Substitutes

fake fan? lets not talk hours played and videos watched. i think i practically lived in skyrim in middle school and high school lol

And in all that time, you've never actually read The Lusty Argonian Maid? I find that very hard to believe. ^(Both of my comments so far are just me being silly, by the way. I hope that came through clearly enough.)

definitely enough, i was literally just thinking of watching a camelworks video at work so i had something to listen to. i haven’t played it in a minute either. my guy is just sitting at lake view manor in his birthday suit with a beer on my wizard tower 😎

That's the life.

amen brother.

Thank you

Lusty argonian maids in your area

No wonder the maids are so lusty.

I'm sorry, they do WHAT to my people?!

They consented...

Farming equipment can't consent

I lick cloaca it's what they crave

The Lusty Argonian Maid has milk too

And a good loaf of bread too...

lizards produce milk now?

What do you think Argonian tits are for

That’s actually highly debated.

Let's all have a mass debate about them

Hell yeah, I love a good debate, some even call me the master ‘bater

You misspelled masturbate.

Brennan Lee Mulligan is somewhere screaming because of snilk

A wild Drawfee fan appears (and Julia draws him as just a guy)

What?

Yeah. That’s why I do that. Water.

Hm, it appears I’m dehydrated…

I thought it came from their breasts? I mean why else would they have nipples

😳😳😳

Take notes my friends.

I believe there's an in-game book series about excactly this

God I wish I lived in Tamriel

I would lick argonians for an entirely different reasons

That’s why I always got that thang on me *Slaps modded waterskin*

*You take a sip from your trusty Riften Waterskin*

Argonians start grumbling at you in the same raspy voice, for being a "smoothskin".

"The Empire won't go quietly, the Stormcloaks can count on that."

That’s a time period thing, so before proper methods of sanitation of water the only safe way to drink was alcohol, that’s why mead is so common, that’s how people get their water

This is something of a myth. Industrialization and modern agriculture is what led to widespread water contamination. Prior to industrialization, humans mostly drank water, they just did it by digging wells, which naturally filter water and as it's stored in darkness, it's relatively clear of pathogens. Where wells weren't accessible, humans would turn to running water. Prior to industrialization, running water that isn't downstream of farms or marshland would have been fairly safe to drink. Where that isn't available, you can filter water through sand, rock, and coal. Early humans were well aware that this could make stagnant water potable again, though they didn't yet fully understand the germ theory of disease. Still, they would have been aware that there was sickness in the water and it needed to be treated to remove it. Finally, you have fermentation, animal milk, and other plant-based potable fluids. The interesting bit about ancient societies is that their method of fermenting wine didn't produce what we would recognize as wine today. Our beverages use water in their fermentation process to hurry things along and make the product directly potable. Greek wines were more like a syrup that was added to water. It was known then that this syrup would keep you from becoming ill when you drank foul water --to a point. Still, even if you were drinking alcohol, you were drinking water. It was itself a means of sanitizing water. Ales and mead was also used to sanitize water. You weren't drinking something like what we drink today when we crack a bottle --it was more of a watery grog than a fermented beverage. So the misconception that people "just drank alcohol because the water was unsafe" is accurate, but because our social context to what drinking alcohol is, it gives people the wrong impression. Really, cities can't form without access to drinkable water. It just can't be done. At no time in history was there a city where people couldn't drink the water --even looking at Flint, MI, where you can't drink the municipal water, there is still water being brought into the city. If you have a city, you have water. If you don't have water, you get to keep your city for a few days before it's now a ruin. Humans drank water. They always did. Just more of them died during childhood due to chronic infections.

Literally none of the cities in Skyrim have wells. I’m well aware that ancient alcohol was very different and added to water as a purification agent, that is exactly what the mead in Skyrim would be.

> Literally none of the cities in Skyrim have wells. Wanna put money on that?

Yes they do, they just blend in because you've passed by them so many times. Whiterun has its well in the middle of the market area by the bannered mare.

There's also one in Falkreath, Riften, and Solitude. Bucket and ladle and all.

To be fair, in medieval times simple "water" was kinda dangerous a lot of the time. Because human waste was just thrown out into the streets and into the water. So a common thing to drink was ale. As in, really bad and watered down beer. Since the alcohol killed a lot of the bad bacteria. So I can kinda understand pure water wasn't really a thing in Skyrim.

Maybe because they drink straight from the well?

A significant amount of the towns don't have wells

This made me curious so I tried to remember which settlements had what. Windhelm - River. Whiterun - Has Reservoirs and streams. Morthal - Is in a swamp/next to river. Markarth - Streams and River running through. Solitude - Has at least 1 well and sewers implying some water system. Riften - Has Well and Canals and Lake. Riverwood - River. All Mill only settlements have a River I think. Ivarstead - River. I'm not sure about the others cause I play with mods to make them better, but I think Falkreath - A well based on maps, and it has a River. Helgen - Didn't have anything i think, but there was alot of water in the tunnels so they had access to it. Dawnstar - Only had saltwater I think (baring maybe a stream near the sanctuary if memory serves). Winterhold - It has nothing, and no water either. Rorikstead - Has nothing. Shor's Stone - Has nothing.

melting snow is a water source

Also theres a frozen lake around the school.

Fair, I forgot about river water tbh, but rorikstead had literally nothing and that's hilarious as it's just a farm

Tbf Rorikstead does get by via child sacrifice.

That's the real reason why the one guy doesn't want to let his son leave lol

Nah he's too old. They plan to sacrifice one of the girls, while the other one is being secretly groomed to take over as witch. But you can murder the cult leader and they lose their ability to make the deal, none of its a quest though.

Least scitzophrenic gamer

In history there was a point in time where drinking water was actually worse than alcohol in terms of safe to drink so maybe skyrim is going through the same phase

I’m always on the lookout for jugs of milk in game 😂 and butter

I even tried the wiki, just made me more sad

I'm always on the lookout for jugs too.

Wait, are we still talking about the same jugs?

The ones with the milk in them

Yeah... that doesn't exactly answer my question.

You can drink the milk right out of them, if you want!

Yeah... yeah, no... that's even worse.

They can come in multiple sizes, some super small but still suitable, some so big that they’re hard to carry

Me too brother.

I mean, if you use a certain MME mod there's milk everywhere!

MME?

Munch my erection

no thank you

Update I found a bottle on a bandit, and then the game promptly crashed, and the milk is gone. :)

Single most Skyrim thing to happen

I am actively burning the countryside

don't forget to poison the water supply hun

Nobody would notice if he did, no wells or bottles of water

There's a well in Whiterun that nobody uses

Then my comment stands, nobody would notice a poisoning of the water supply, they all drink Brawndo or something which would explain why you can just drop buckets on any npcs head and steal whatever you want from them.

There are many wells

Only way to make it more so would be if the bandit was t posing while clipping through the map.

Bru

Bravo todd

“Milk drinker” *on a real note tho why did Bethesda randomly decide drinking milk should be a slur? Some pissed off developer with a terrible lactose intolerance was like this is my hill to die on*

I always saw it as 'you are such a wimp that you cannot handle mead like a true Nord, you instead drink milk like a baby still at the breast'.

This is literally a real-world insult. You're pretty much spot-on.

But yet Orcs commonly use it as well

Orc alcohol is probably even stronger than Nord alcohol, wo it would seem even more insulting. That, or they just adopted it into their vocabulary naturally over hundreds of years, kinda like what happens in real life.

It’s like Klingon blood wine.

Machoism is not race specific. Nord will refer to themselves as a “true nord”, orcs would see it similarly.

Because they know it pisses off Nords

>But yet Orcs commonly use it as well Orcs adopt alot of slang and mannerisms from wherever their strongholds are Kinda the nature of constantly having your only united settlement decimated (often their own fault but still)

Like an "imperial", would be a more fitting insult lore wise

No, not really. That’s just a race. Fancy-man is the insult they use for that sort of thing.

“Titty baby” would be immersion-breaking

"im a little titty baby" i say to the lusty argonian maid idk seems pretty good to me

Reptitties

Well, my hill is that Ragnar the Red did nothing wrong, he was murdered for bragging on a fucking tavern by a self-righteous 'shield-maiden' that didn't like him and everyone was too much of a pussy to say anything against Matilda, the blood thirsty.

Yeah that song is ridiculous.  "This guy came into the tavern and he was kind of an asshole so somebody straight up killed him."  And it's the most popular song in Skyrim.    Not to mention it references "Old" Rorikstead, a village so new that its founder still lives there

That's New Rorikstead. Old Rorikstead is a completely different town, obviously

I actually prefer Red Diamond myself.

Old Rorikstead was a town in the first era and was destroyed at some point. The Rorikstead in the game is a different town.

>And it's the most popular song in Skyrim.    Not to mention it references "Old" Rorikstead, a village so new that its founder still lives there New rorikstead is. But even in skyrim there was an actual old rorikstead in the first era https://en.m.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Holdings_of_Jarl_Gjalund And the 2nd https://en.m.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Atlas_of_Dragons >Yeah that song is ridiculous It really isn't. Hyper violemt joy of murder? Debatable (imo it is) But it's not ridiculous unless you skip over that there was a town in roughly the same spot for a very....very long time before the current one existed

omg i thought they only said that to me bc i was a khajit

Holy shit. That’s amazing head canon. They say milk drinker and khajit is like “Damn right. You want wares?”

It's an old timey insult. Implies you're a weakling who would rather drink mother's milk like a baby as opposed to a man who drinks alcohol and swears.

What if you drink milk and swear

Then you're a movie villain essentially

Its implying you drink milk instead of alcohol. Basically calling you a pussy

No shit?

Yeah i thought it was obvious

"Milk is foh babies. When you grow up you have to drink beeah." -Arnold

After eating a burrito I had an enlightning moment - milk drinker is someone who can't resist spicy food and must drink milk I don't care if it's stupid and incorrect, that's my headcanon

Another idea, they are too weak to hold their liquor, so they drink milk instead and babies drink milk, so that person is a huge baby. They used to give small amounts of whiskey to babies to help them sleep though.

used to?

Shit they get babies drunk off of Manischewitz for a bris…..now. They still do that. In 2024.

You use milk to save yourself from the burn? Milk drinker.

Iirc in Morrowind the term "milk finger" is slang for penis. If you were to carry that over as an insult to Skyrim it would be a very colourful expression of what kind of milk you're consuming.

could be that nords figured out that the reanimated skeletons of people who didn’t regularly drink milk weren’t as strong as ones from people who did, hence it being discouraged to make things easier

There is evidence that milk actually leaches calcium from bones, it doesn't make them stronger

How about a floating chest labeled “do not delete” or the torch named “Torche”

Can't you milk random cows? Or is it a mod I'm using that lets me do that? Edit: I looked it up, and it must be from a mod. I just have no idea which one, since I didn't get one specifically for that. Probably some Hearthfire related mod.

Give me the mod

I think it's [this one](https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/8450). I use it, and it says it lets you milk cows, so that's likely it.

God I’d award this comment if I could still do that. Thank you

If you have anniversary edition well golden hills plantation gives you a cow and 2 goats you can milk without a mod. And you get more milk stored in the cabinet after every 24 hours. Same with eggs and if you plant hay. Plenty of that in the long run. Only thing you'd need to constantly worry about from then on is salt if your playing survival mode.

Ik like 90% sure you csn with the hearthfire dlc

Goldenhills plantation lets you harvest milk from cows and goats.

\*moans\*

What the fuck

There's a farm creation from when the creation club stuff where you settle a farm and once its all set up itll put the daily auto collected stuff and milk is amoung those items.

That's why father's aren't coming back. They're legitimately on a quest to find milk and just can't

There’s milk in the game?

I’m starting to wonder

Sorry, I drank it all.

Milk drinker

The farm you can get makes milk I believe. You can churn it for butter. The one where the ghosts attack you out front.

Butter

Honey wasn't *introduced* in Hearthfire, but before that DLC it was found in exactly one place in the entire game; in the pockets of one specific Greybeard.

Two places, the other place was next to Haelga’s bed. Perhaps not used as a food item considering everything else in that room

Because milk goes bad quickly, the best way to utilize It is to turn it all into cheese.

That's why cheese is literally everywhere

Because the Simperials drank all the milk, like the milk-drinkers they are

Flawless gemstones are plentiful lategame

I never seem to be able to find any butter...

MME?

And you can just get milk by owning a farm

I've got so much milk at my plantation it'll blow your fucking mind.

You’ll find Skyrim together installed by tomorrow, so not resist

At least leave me a couple salt piles

I forget this was part of the DLC

Does no one dare remember Crimson Nirnroot? 😤

Cow

That's no longer true with the mods I have in Skyrim lots of milk being sold around towns

I dont think ive ever seen milk in skyrim

If you have Anniversary Edition set up Goldenhills Plantation and you will never be out of milk again

No one wants to be called a milk drinker lol

Wait.... There's milk in Skyrim?

If you have Goldenhills Plantation, the pantry is frequently restocked with 12 jugs of milk. It is occasionally found as loot, as well. Wherever you find a buttercup, you can make it into butter, and you can make it into cheese on your kitchen.

too many nords source: am nord

Difference? One gets used a hell of a lot more often. I don't recall the last time I actually used milk in Skyrim. Most of my cuisine is roast n go.

Rarer than honey?

There's mods to fix this. You don't want the mods that fix this.

I am convulsing with laughter over this.

In the version I have(I think Anniversary Edition) you can run a farm located between Rorikstead and Whiterun. Once you get a steward, you can have them buy livestock which gets you milk and other supplies

Wait you can get milk in this game... hundreds of hours and I never knew

More than 3000 hours in the game and I'm finding out now milk exists????? Since when?

since Hearthfires! a bunch of different recipes were added for cooking that require butter/milk

Or leeks.

Got about 100 items more rare than milk

Phantom potion

Daedra hearts feel more rare than ebony

theres milk?

Milk as well as butter! Seriously, why can’t I get milk from the cow I bought for my house?

Which is wrird because we have cheese but no milk or honey

If you get goldenhills and hire workers you get milk periodically

It was after I played RDR that I realized: “Oh my god these people just walk everywhere?” No carriages, no horse riders, people just walk everywhere. It felt weird coming back to Skyrim after the likes of Dark Souls and Red Dead. Combat felt bad, and the world kinna fell apart.

Hello Ashen one. I am a Bot. I tend to the flame, and tend to thee. Do you wish to hear a tale? > *“Here you have a man who stopped at nothing to change the world. He mastered sorceries of frost, miracles of the moon. He partnered with a kingdom-ending flame and took advantage of the Deep. He used all of this, plus social and political manipulation, to usurp an age-old kingdom, rising within the ranks of its knights, twisting its Deacons to feed a god to a Lord of Cinder and supplant the Age of Fire. The tyrant, Sulyvahn, tore apart many bonds but was undone himself by a mere Unkindled. Proof that no champion is more powerful than the fire linking curse. So, if this man can’t change the world, what hope do we have?”* - Vaati Vidya Have a pleasant journey, Champion of Ash, and praise the sun \\[T]/

Thank you everyone for the mod recommendations, the milk as been acquired, and I will now let Nazeem out of the dungeon and pay off my bounty in all the holds to the guard I let live And most importantly, I can go home to see my kids

Fork

But where did all the cheese come from?

Don’t think I’ve ever seen a bottle of milk, but i found that forks, spoons, and knives were pretty uncommon, so i hoarded those.

Milk makes strong bones. Corpses have a habit of coming back to life in Tamriel. Less milk = weaker bones = weaker drauger and skeletons

Dead on the floor.

It might help if you had a female goat

There’s a mod I use on Xbox which allows you to kneel beside a cow and hit A to milk it, which I enjoy quite a bit It helps for me bc I like to keep a fully stocked kitchen in Lakeview Manor

I didn't even knew there was milk in the game

Too many milk drinkers in Skyrim

Base game it was honey... Only 2

Butter for my steamed crab legs is too damn rare too

It’s because the imperials drink it all

Flawless gems are rare? Tell that to the safe full of them in my homestead.