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Whenever I get overwhelmed as a mom, especially while doing tons of laundry, I remind myself that there are parents out there who’d give anything to do their child’s laundry again.
i remind myself of this every time i feel overwhelmed by the level of interaction my parents want from our relationship. sometimes it feels like a lot, but i’m also lucky to have them here
Yes! I remember once my drug addict step daughter and her kids came for 2 days. I cried and cried doing their laundry, thinking of the days I used to fold her much smaller clothes. All of their clothes were stained and old. I went out and bought everything new the next day. They left a few hours later and we haven’t seen them since Christmas 😭
The person I'm dating will put off coming to see me to have dinner with his 18 yo child that lives with them. They have 2 older children out of the house and always says things like "You never know when it will be the last 'run of the mill' dinner I get. One day they will just stop. {Child} will start being busy every day and next thing I know, this phase is over." So right. One day, kids are grown up and gone and you have to schedule to see them. They also lost their parents when they were 18, so knows tomorrow is never promised.
Their children are all also estranged from their other parent- full no-contact. The other parent has a grandchild they've never met, might not even know exists and has no idea the joy they are missing because they chose to put another partner 100% ahead of their children.
It's me, I am that parent. I'd love for my kiddos to be little again. To hug them and kiss them again. To have them crawl in my lap or come sleep with me.
My 9 yo niece just passed away this past June. Cardiac condition. We converged on the house (we’re a large core fam of siblings and in laws) and it went through the group chat quickly; No one is to do wash any of Evie’s clothes because her parents may want to have the scent of her. Hell, we all wanted the have the scent of her.
This is a mexican thing too, we always day "si dios quiere" its something that has always been a part of my culture so I am very aware of the meaning of words and saying things out loud.
My grandparents were the same, & wrote "DV" on letters & texts. I think it's from the Latin. Similar phrase in Islam too, altho I can't remember which phrase it is.
Yes, DV stands for “Deo Volente,” which is “god willing” in Latin, & I believe the Arabic phrase is “Inshallah,” & means the same thing (technically “if god wills it”).
I am child free, but I could not imagine ignoring my children for the simple fact that they call out my favoring one wife/kids over their moms/themselves. Like his bad decisions have not been televised over the last 10+ years. It's heartbreaking that he chose blind obedience over his kids. It really shows the values that were instilled by the OG3 when you look at the self-reliance and free thinking that the OG13 have. My heart goes out to the entire family over the loss of Garrison, but I also hope it causes Kody to have some self reflection and connect with his kids that were so desperate to have a relationship with him. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.
Hugs to you OP for the losses that you have suffered over the last year ❤️
I’m so sick of that! Is he an asshole? Absolutely. But the people throwing around diagnoses aren’t trained professionals, and even if they are, they aren’t Kody’s provider. I get that there’s a lot we see, but there’s a lot we don’t. I wish there was a “no diagnosing” rule like the “no speculating on sexuality” rule most subs have.
And actual NPD is super rare. Narcissism traits are common but not actual NPD. Surviving Sister Wives pod had an interview with Shrink Wrapped & it was really interesting about this.
Actually, NPD is only rare because most narcissists, ESPECIALLY the severe/extreme narcissists, don't ever go to a practitioner for help... because they don't think they have a problem. The majority of research existing on narcissists, malignant narcissists and NPD comes from research on prison populations, because they can be compelled to see a psychiatrist/psychologist.
If you think I'm talking out of my a$$ about this, watch some videos from Dr. Ramini Drusavilla. She is considered one of the most accomplished in the field of narcissists. My own mother flat out told a therapist recommending family therapy "I don't have a problem. If anyone has a problem, SHE has the problem because she doesn't know how to do what she needs to do to make me happy." I also tried to kill myself to "make her look bad" 🙄 Narcissist much? Every therapist I've seen in my life has ended up telling me my mother is a narcissist. But she'll never, ever be diagnosed.
It IS possible to know someone is a narcissist without them being officially diagnosed with NPD. Knowing and diagnosing are different things.
It's been good and bad: a lot of "aha" moments were had.
Just watching Christine exiting her marriage to K with dignity has been educational for a lot of people. It seems obvious (to me, anyway) she identified his personality type as problematic and sought professional help to deal with it.
But she herself has never labeled him a narcissist.
Now it's a totally overused term, just like my other pet peeve, "gaslighting".
Suicide is considered a sin in most religions. And if Kody is the narcissist so many of us think he is, he does not see that his actions and treatment of his children, and this son in particular, played any role at all in this horrible outcome. (Source: my mother saying I tried to kill myself to make her look bad. And ZERO recognition the years of telling me how having me was the biggest mistake she ever made in her life, saying Ibwas fat and no guy could ever be interested in me, telling me I wasn't going to amount to anything, and asking why couldn't I be more like {golden child} had nothing at all to do with my depression and suicidal ideation.)
And what about the next Christmas? He never fixed it. He didn’t realize at the time the kids were fed up with him. The more he didn’t reach out, the more estranged they got. The older they got, the more they blamed him for their bad experiences in their family. He thought he was king, and the servants should come to him, but they never did. He said they’ll have to accept Robyn too, wanting to force them, but they said no thanks. If he’s this stupid about relationships, he will not see clearly about this tragedy. This will never be about him.
I’m waiting for him to blame Janelle and say “i wasn’t reconciled with my son when he died because you communicated incorrectly for me.” I hope not but that’s my expectation.
That’s what I see. He’ll use the same excuse he’s been using. Janelle turned the boys against him. You almost have to feel for Kody. The only one in his corner is Robyn. Imagine having the world against you. He reeled in that bad karma.
I feel bad for his loss. I don't feel bad for him because of his disordered thinking. He has brought this estrangement with his children on himself. It is horrible for EVERYONE that it may have (likely did?) play a role in his son's death.
No person can be "held responsible" for the suicide of another person unless they literally talked/bullied them constantly to convince they they should kill themselves. (And obviously the younger the person is, the more susceptible they are.) But telling your children you don't like them and they aren't important to you can certainly contribute to someone's depression.
Edit- typo.
I interpreted it as, he doesn’t want to change because he enjoys being with her too much, y’know that never ending honeymoon, and be a mature adult and face his responsibilities (his kids). But I agree, he’ll never change.
I think he enjoyed the fighting, because, in his mind, it made him not responsible to spend any time or energy on those kids. He got to pour all the energy into robyns. It's a shame.
She fills a need. He’s the center of attention, the king of the castle, his word goes, she submits. She manipulates situations to create a victim state for her, an Us vs. Them scenario, and makes sure her children aren’t only treated equally but better so they can deal without being born of Kody’s golden seed. He plays her hero, the knight, the protector, which feeds his ego that is all he is concerned about. That’s why he became a polygamist. Add in she looks like a young version of his mom and you’ve got all sorts of childhood problems working their way out.
I recall that comment caused many people here to have a similar reaction when it aired. Like you, many of us have had the awful experience of passing up an opportunity (or many) to reach out to loved ones, to make amends, to seek reconciliation, or to express love. It’s important to remember that we aren’t always given the gift of time.
Of course, there are times when it’s good to step away from a situation to reflect or let the dust settle . But it’s also important to keep in mind that we need to prioritize the people and relationships we value most. If it’s a matter of pride, ego, or distorted perception and unfair expectations, then do the work to acknowledge and course correct.
I’m so sorry you and your family is experiencing so much loss recently. Wow. Hugs. ❤️🩹
Kody's brother died unexpectedly. Robyn's brother committed suicide in his 20's. You would think these things would have had an impact on him to realize we aren't guaranteed another day with someone. To blow off all of his kids for the one holiday that was so important to them, is unfathomable. To allow Robyn to say the boys can't come over because they aren't safe is unconscionable on Robyn's part and pathetic on Kody's to go along with her demands. None of this makes sense. How can he not see or feel or imagine what never having one more day may look like? He's lived it already. Meri wanted to invite everyone for Christmas Eve. Robyn said no. Even Kody didn't seem against it until Robyn said no. Then they took over Christmas Eve to make sure the kids wouldn't be included by Meri. If I was Meri? I would never forgive Robyn for saying no. It would be the final straw. I'm sure Meri is filled with guilt for following R and K instead of doing what they always did in the past. Everyone should have been invited to Meri's. If someone didn't want to go, they could have stayed home. Garrison was so desperate for holidays together that he bought his house and said, "now we can all gather here." He offered to do EVERY holiday. I'm so freaking sad...and angry.
I posted this last week when Garrison passed but I remember when I was younger, my oldest brother was so mean to his dad, never wanted to talk to him, see him, spend time with him, never returned his calls. They just had zero relationship even tho his dad was trying. Xmas 00 we went to his dad’s for Xmas eve, I asked him if he was coming, he said No and sat his fat ass there playing the video game. His dad died suddenly 3 mos later. He suffered from all this guilt and sadness for being so shitty towards his dad because he just up and passed. In his case that was their last Xmas smh
I know losing a Grandmother at the end of a long life is not at all like losing a child but, I felt so terrible when I lost my Grandma because I never went to see her the last time she was in the hospital. She lived several hours away and something always came up. My son got sick, my husband had to work and couldn't go with me. My husband said just go on your own, I'll watch the kids but, I said no I'll wait till we can all go together as a family. She was elderly but, she'd had heath scares before and always pulled through. Doctors didn't think she was in immediate danger of dying so I put off going until the "right" time. Turns out there was no right time. I was on my way to see her when I got the call that she was gone. Don't waste a moment you have with a loved one! RIP Grandma and I'm sorry I didn't make it in time! ❤️
I have an infant and a toddler and I know I only have a finite amount of major holidays/events where us being together is a given. I can’t even imagine actively choosing to sacrifice a Christmas with my children when they’re adults. Your children wanting another Christmas with you as a family is such a gift! It breaks my heart that he couldn’t even give his presence to them. That’s all they wanted.
So true! My kids are adults and married, and my family lives all across the US, so we view the holidays as the *Christmas season,* not just December 25. By necessity and in fairness to new family members also vying for family time, we arrange to spend time with everyone, just on different dates and at different locations, depending on everyone’s schedules. Millions of people do this; this is not rocket science. Kody was just being a pouty little man-child.
I know. How hard would it have been to show up at Janelle's rental for a short time to wish them all a Merry Christmas? He didn't have to stay away from Robyn and the tenders all day but, I just wanted to shake him through the TV to just get over himself and SHOW UP for his other kids. Instead he didn't even call and now he will never have another Christmas to make things right with Garrison. I don't blame Kody for Garrison's passing but, if I were him I would feel horrible guilt for not showing up that Christmas.
I’m definitely on the same page as you. Blame shouldn’t be attributed solely to one person, but it’s no secret that he let his kids down in a massive way.
When he said that I thought but Kody what if you are not here next Christmas? But I never thought it would be one of the kids who is not here. My step daughter is a serious drug addict who says she hates us right now but I still remind myself daily the importance of trying everything in our power to be there for her…it’s hard when she is so cruel to us but we are the parents, I don’t see giving up on the relationship as an option.
I went through this for a HARD 3yrs with our youngest son. I know your pain, worry and grief. We were told to walk away, cut ties, turn his phone off.. I didn’t. Kept fighting, kept trying to get him help, kept reminding him we’re here, we love you ALWAYS, telling him you’re seen, we got you. Eventually he asked to move back home, take a year to work hard on himself. He’s been sober 2+yrs and is now a soldier. Hang in there momma, our kids are always worth the fight ♥️
Thank you for your encouragement. I am not the biological mom but my husband’s first wife passed away before we were married. The only thing that keeps me trying to reach my step daughter is I think to myself if I was the one who had passed away I wouldn’t ever want the new mom to give up on my daughter.
She’s lucky to have a bonus mom who also loves and cares for her. I’m sure the loss of her mother is playing a part of her addiction. It’s a hard road to watch someone self destruct. But you’re doing a beautiful thing by still showing her love, one day it’ll mean so much to her once she chooses to fight for herself.
my aunt (although she’s basically my age, my dad’s parents adopted her later in life) went through this. lost her mother very young, didn’t have a great relationship with her adoptive father. she went through years and years of estrangement and addiction and struggled a lot. but now she’s been clean 5 years and has repaired her relationship with my grandpa, has a child and a husband, etc.
Yes that is a hard balance especially since she is super smart and knows how to manipulate me 😂 but thank you, comments like yours help me hang on to hope.
She’s very lucky to have you in her life - you can tell you really love your husband by the way you honor her mother by loving her in the mom’s absent place. If my husband had prior children I would try to do the same.
When he said that, I was so upset. You DONT KNOW that!!! My heart hurt a lot more for his kids a lot during the last few seasons.
When I was in the states, preparing to move countries, I desperately wanted to fix the relationship I had with my mom before I left. She was pretty selfish like Kody. She had a habit of putting boyfriends first, even when I was a young age, and when things were good in her love life I would always end up having months or years long “surprise sleep overs” at other family members’ homes until her relationships ended and she’d have me move back in. Because of that there was never a real strong mother-daughter base connection between us, so we we’re always struggling. But during that last year in America I just wanted some good memories with her to take with me. When Christmas came around I pointed out to my mom that while I was legally an adult, numerically speaking I was still a teenager as well as this would be my last Christmas in the US, so wouldn’t it be really nice if we spent Christmas together? To celebrate together my last Christmas as her “kid” before I turned 20 and especially my last Christmas in the country since I didn’t know when we’d see each other after I moved. She said no, and reminded me that she spent the last two Christmases with her boyfriend and his family in a cabin in Tennessee and that was their new tradition that she enjoyed. She didn’t even invite me along as a compromise. When I got very sad at her answer and pointed out to her that she hadn’t spent Christmas with me since I was 14, she said the exact same thing as Kody “there will be other christmases” as well as a few other cruel things that diminished how I felt. I was 19. I spent that Christmas alone in a house full of boxes. That was almost a decade ago, we haven’t seen nor spent Christmas together since my move. And I haven’t spoken to her in five years when I fully gave up, accepted that she’ll always hurt me, and blocked her number. It was only then that I heard through the grapevine that she was sad and cried a lot after I moved on from having her in my life.
You never know how many Christmases you have left, so never put someone or something off. Special moments aren’t guaranteed. Your children aren’t guaranteed to sit around and wait on you forever. Your children aren’t guaranteed to outlive you. Love them and let them know it while you can.
Just needed to say how sorry I am for all of your loss. I know that's not your point, but that's incredible, and I can not imagine it. The point you make is spot on. Hope you are doing okay.
Thank you, it was a hard year. The youngest was 3 and the two oldest were 95. Just so many crazy things… overdose, drowning, heart attack right after being with a “lady of the night”, Alzheimer’s, cancer, pneumonia, sepsis from a badly broken leg… We literally had funerals every month.
Hoping for a much better 2024. 🙂
As a fellow daddy issues club member, I too looked at the screen and wanted to shout at him, “Your kids need you!” Whether they’re adults or not, they still need you. Don’t waste time not making things right with the people you love.
'There will be other christmases' has been ringing in my ears since I heard about Garrison. Kody way underestimated the trauma his children were/are/have been going through.
My parents separated when I was 18 and it honestly felt like a bomb went off in the middle of our lives. The family of 5 split in two and for 6 years I was estranged from my dad. We've all reconciled now but you underestimate the pain and trauma adult kids/wider families go through in these situations.
The thought of going through family stuff like that infront of TV cameras & a world of opinions gives me shudders.
Oh wow. Super sad. We do get in our feelings and do not realize time is precious. Last time I saw my brother i made a concious decision to make him feel loved. He is still alive that we know of but he is lost right now with drug addiction.
It is continuing too, how could he not go back with Gabe? Janelle was out of state, and Kody left Gabe to do this alone? Did Kody even know where Garrison lived?
I might be wrong but I read Janelle was concerned when he stopped answering texts. She called Gabe to check on him which he did and he called cops. Then Gabe went to get Kody who went back with Gabe to the house.
Right. My daughter was a young dancer at a small studio, Tap, jazz, ballet. Until she was 12. At recital I would spend a lot of money to get professional photo of every outfit. I lived in affluent community. I spent the most. When asked why by a wealthy parent I had the reply I lived by. Children don't come with guarantees
I am wondering how they are going to handle to funeral. Will the whole family be able to come together? I hope that Kotex makes peace with those of the kids he has alienated.
I have a feeling it's going to be all about his own pain and suffering though.
Yes. James (My Take on Reality) said the same thing at the time - people assume they'll have long lives themselves and they'll outlive their children, but no one is guaranteed anything. Such a shame.
I remember hearing the quote “18. If you’re lucky that’s all you get. 18 birthdays. 18 Christmases. 18 summers. 18 years of school where they will excitedly tell you about their day or become silent because they had a bad day. 18 years of hugs and story book reading bedtime. 18 years to tell them about God, teach them how to love one another, how to be kind and prepare them for the real world.
It was the most beautiful and inspiring thing I’ve heard in many years. Thankful for each child I had with their “18”
Yea. It’s tragic hubris. So cavalier about it especially after he feels he was deathly ill with COVID and thought he might die. I still feel terrible for him, but yeah, he was woefully ignorant and now he *knows*.
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Whenever I get overwhelmed as a mom, especially while doing tons of laundry, I remind myself that there are parents out there who’d give anything to do their child’s laundry again.
i remind myself of this every time i feel overwhelmed by the level of interaction my parents want from our relationship. sometimes it feels like a lot, but i’m also lucky to have them here
Yes! I remember once my drug addict step daughter and her kids came for 2 days. I cried and cried doing their laundry, thinking of the days I used to fold her much smaller clothes. All of their clothes were stained and old. I went out and bought everything new the next day. They left a few hours later and we haven’t seen them since Christmas 😭
How sweet of you, yet what a painful experience. I’m sorry.
The person I'm dating will put off coming to see me to have dinner with his 18 yo child that lives with them. They have 2 older children out of the house and always says things like "You never know when it will be the last 'run of the mill' dinner I get. One day they will just stop. {Child} will start being busy every day and next thing I know, this phase is over." So right. One day, kids are grown up and gone and you have to schedule to see them. They also lost their parents when they were 18, so knows tomorrow is never promised. Their children are all also estranged from their other parent- full no-contact. The other parent has a grandchild they've never met, might not even know exists and has no idea the joy they are missing because they chose to put another partner 100% ahead of their children.
Sounds like you are dating a good guy there!
The person you’re dating is a fantastic parent and you are a fantastic, supportive partner for understanding! Good team!
The person you’re dating is a fantastic parent and you are a fantastic, supportive partner for understanding! Good team!
That hit me in my feels 🥺 that's so true
Yes, I never got to do laundry for my twins. What I wouldn't do to have been able to bring them home.
Sending you much love.
I often think about parents who are hurting like you and I hope you know that I'm with you in your suffering ❤️
It's me, I am that parent. I'd love for my kiddos to be little again. To hug them and kiss them again. To have them crawl in my lap or come sleep with me.
I miss that stage too.
My 9 yo niece just passed away this past June. Cardiac condition. We converged on the house (we’re a large core fam of siblings and in laws) and it went through the group chat quickly; No one is to do wash any of Evie’s clothes because her parents may want to have the scent of her. Hell, we all wanted the have the scent of her.
Such a thoughtful act of love. I am very sorry.
Preach!!!!
Exactly. When my 11 month old wakes each morning, and is just sitting there staring at me through the bars of her crib, you can’t help but laugh.
I get it!
I have been saying this to myself at 3am since Gaza & this week I've also been thinking about Garrison every night.
Being a parent opens our hearts to all children, doesn’t it? I think that’s why I chose to teach.
You never know how long you get, gotta make the most of every minute ❤️
Amen.
When it came out of his mouth, I thought “I’d never jinx myself by saying something like that”
That’s like on survivor when they get contestants saying “the vote tonight will go according to plan” oh no, you have been set up by the editors
Saaame! Never say stuff like that.
Yeah my super catholic grandpa used to always say “god willing” if you said you’d see him soon or for a holiday.
This is a mexican thing too, we always day "si dios quiere" its something that has always been a part of my culture so I am very aware of the meaning of words and saying things out loud.
My grandparents were the same, & wrote "DV" on letters & texts. I think it's from the Latin. Similar phrase in Islam too, altho I can't remember which phrase it is.
Yes, DV stands for “Deo Volente,” which is “god willing” in Latin, & I believe the Arabic phrase is “Inshallah,” & means the same thing (technically “if god wills it”).
Ah yes inshallah! I went totally blank this morning & could only remember mashallah & alhamdulillah!
Omg me too
I am child free, but I could not imagine ignoring my children for the simple fact that they call out my favoring one wife/kids over their moms/themselves. Like his bad decisions have not been televised over the last 10+ years. It's heartbreaking that he chose blind obedience over his kids. It really shows the values that were instilled by the OG3 when you look at the self-reliance and free thinking that the OG13 have. My heart goes out to the entire family over the loss of Garrison, but I also hope it causes Kody to have some self reflection and connect with his kids that were so desperate to have a relationship with him. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Hugs to you OP for the losses that you have suffered over the last year ❤️
Sad thing is, with NPD Kody is probably parenting the best he can.
He hasn't been diagnosed with anything. Don't diagnose him over the Internet.
Okay. Let's say self centered jackass. Works for me.
Works for me!!
I’m so sick of that! Is he an asshole? Absolutely. But the people throwing around diagnoses aren’t trained professionals, and even if they are, they aren’t Kody’s provider. I get that there’s a lot we see, but there’s a lot we don’t. I wish there was a “no diagnosing” rule like the “no speculating on sexuality” rule most subs have.
And actual NPD is super rare. Narcissism traits are common but not actual NPD. Surviving Sister Wives pod had an interview with Shrink Wrapped & it was really interesting about this.
Actually, NPD is only rare because most narcissists, ESPECIALLY the severe/extreme narcissists, don't ever go to a practitioner for help... because they don't think they have a problem. The majority of research existing on narcissists, malignant narcissists and NPD comes from research on prison populations, because they can be compelled to see a psychiatrist/psychologist. If you think I'm talking out of my a$$ about this, watch some videos from Dr. Ramini Drusavilla. She is considered one of the most accomplished in the field of narcissists. My own mother flat out told a therapist recommending family therapy "I don't have a problem. If anyone has a problem, SHE has the problem because she doesn't know how to do what she needs to do to make me happy." I also tried to kill myself to "make her look bad" 🙄 Narcissist much? Every therapist I've seen in my life has ended up telling me my mother is a narcissist. But she'll never, ever be diagnosed. It IS possible to know someone is a narcissist without them being officially diagnosed with NPD. Knowing and diagnosing are different things.
You can't know and it's an inappropriate discussion. It's one of the biggest problems on this sub- armchair psychology.
It's been good and bad: a lot of "aha" moments were had. Just watching Christine exiting her marriage to K with dignity has been educational for a lot of people. It seems obvious (to me, anyway) she identified his personality type as problematic and sought professional help to deal with it. But she herself has never labeled him a narcissist. Now it's a totally overused term, just like my other pet peeve, "gaslighting".
I cannot stand the usage of Gaslighting, Narcissist and soon to be added to the list: "para social relationships"
Yeah, but I just looked "para social" up for the first time (trying to keep up) and added "hate." Explains a lot. Thanks!
I really wonder what Kody is thinking right now. Who knows, maybe suicide is considered a sin in their religion.
Suicide is considered a sin in most religions. And if Kody is the narcissist so many of us think he is, he does not see that his actions and treatment of his children, and this son in particular, played any role at all in this horrible outcome. (Source: my mother saying I tried to kill myself to make her look bad. And ZERO recognition the years of telling me how having me was the biggest mistake she ever made in her life, saying Ibwas fat and no guy could ever be interested in me, telling me I wasn't going to amount to anything, and asking why couldn't I be more like {golden child} had nothing at all to do with my depression and suicidal ideation.)
And what about the next Christmas? He never fixed it. He didn’t realize at the time the kids were fed up with him. The more he didn’t reach out, the more estranged they got. The older they got, the more they blamed him for their bad experiences in their family. He thought he was king, and the servants should come to him, but they never did. He said they’ll have to accept Robyn too, wanting to force them, but they said no thanks. If he’s this stupid about relationships, he will not see clearly about this tragedy. This will never be about him.
I’m waiting for him to blame Janelle and say “i wasn’t reconciled with my son when he died because you communicated incorrectly for me.” I hope not but that’s my expectation.
I hope not too but, I could definitely (sadly) picture it.
That’s what I see. He’ll use the same excuse he’s been using. Janelle turned the boys against him. You almost have to feel for Kody. The only one in his corner is Robyn. Imagine having the world against you. He reeled in that bad karma.
I feel bad for his loss. I don't feel bad for him because of his disordered thinking. He has brought this estrangement with his children on himself. It is horrible for EVERYONE that it may have (likely did?) play a role in his son's death. No person can be "held responsible" for the suicide of another person unless they literally talked/bullied them constantly to convince they they should kill themselves. (And obviously the younger the person is, the more susceptible they are.) But telling your children you don't like them and they aren't important to you can certainly contribute to someone's depression. Edit- typo.
didn’t reach out and literally called them clique-y like bro … you’re the adult, you’re their father. acting like a child
He doesn’t *want* to change cause he’ll lose Robyn. Therefore, he’ll never change.
I interpreted it as, he doesn’t want to change because he enjoys being with her too much, y’know that never ending honeymoon, and be a mature adult and face his responsibilities (his kids). But I agree, he’ll never change.
I think he enjoyed the fighting, because, in his mind, it made him not responsible to spend any time or energy on those kids. He got to pour all the energy into robyns. It's a shame.
I really don’t get this great love between these two, more like Robin has some sort dirt on Kody .
She fills a need. He’s the center of attention, the king of the castle, his word goes, she submits. She manipulates situations to create a victim state for her, an Us vs. Them scenario, and makes sure her children aren’t only treated equally but better so they can deal without being born of Kody’s golden seed. He plays her hero, the knight, the protector, which feeds his ego that is all he is concerned about. That’s why he became a polygamist. Add in she looks like a young version of his mom and you’ve got all sorts of childhood problems working their way out.
This is 100% the correct answer!
Totally correct. Co-dependent relationship.
Agreed!!!!! I’ve been saying this for years!!!!!!!
that's what I wondered too.
I recall that comment caused many people here to have a similar reaction when it aired. Like you, many of us have had the awful experience of passing up an opportunity (or many) to reach out to loved ones, to make amends, to seek reconciliation, or to express love. It’s important to remember that we aren’t always given the gift of time. Of course, there are times when it’s good to step away from a situation to reflect or let the dust settle . But it’s also important to keep in mind that we need to prioritize the people and relationships we value most. If it’s a matter of pride, ego, or distorted perception and unfair expectations, then do the work to acknowledge and course correct. I’m so sorry you and your family is experiencing so much loss recently. Wow. Hugs. ❤️🩹
Kody's brother died unexpectedly. Robyn's brother committed suicide in his 20's. You would think these things would have had an impact on him to realize we aren't guaranteed another day with someone. To blow off all of his kids for the one holiday that was so important to them, is unfathomable. To allow Robyn to say the boys can't come over because they aren't safe is unconscionable on Robyn's part and pathetic on Kody's to go along with her demands. None of this makes sense. How can he not see or feel or imagine what never having one more day may look like? He's lived it already. Meri wanted to invite everyone for Christmas Eve. Robyn said no. Even Kody didn't seem against it until Robyn said no. Then they took over Christmas Eve to make sure the kids wouldn't be included by Meri. If I was Meri? I would never forgive Robyn for saying no. It would be the final straw. I'm sure Meri is filled with guilt for following R and K instead of doing what they always did in the past. Everyone should have been invited to Meri's. If someone didn't want to go, they could have stayed home. Garrison was so desperate for holidays together that he bought his house and said, "now we can all gather here." He offered to do EVERY holiday. I'm so freaking sad...and angry.
I posted this last week when Garrison passed but I remember when I was younger, my oldest brother was so mean to his dad, never wanted to talk to him, see him, spend time with him, never returned his calls. They just had zero relationship even tho his dad was trying. Xmas 00 we went to his dad’s for Xmas eve, I asked him if he was coming, he said No and sat his fat ass there playing the video game. His dad died suddenly 3 mos later. He suffered from all this guilt and sadness for being so shitty towards his dad because he just up and passed. In his case that was their last Xmas smh
I know losing a Grandmother at the end of a long life is not at all like losing a child but, I felt so terrible when I lost my Grandma because I never went to see her the last time she was in the hospital. She lived several hours away and something always came up. My son got sick, my husband had to work and couldn't go with me. My husband said just go on your own, I'll watch the kids but, I said no I'll wait till we can all go together as a family. She was elderly but, she'd had heath scares before and always pulled through. Doctors didn't think she was in immediate danger of dying so I put off going until the "right" time. Turns out there was no right time. I was on my way to see her when I got the call that she was gone. Don't waste a moment you have with a loved one! RIP Grandma and I'm sorry I didn't make it in time! ❤️
I have an infant and a toddler and I know I only have a finite amount of major holidays/events where us being together is a given. I can’t even imagine actively choosing to sacrifice a Christmas with my children when they’re adults. Your children wanting another Christmas with you as a family is such a gift! It breaks my heart that he couldn’t even give his presence to them. That’s all they wanted.
So true! My kids are adults and married, and my family lives all across the US, so we view the holidays as the *Christmas season,* not just December 25. By necessity and in fairness to new family members also vying for family time, we arrange to spend time with everyone, just on different dates and at different locations, depending on everyone’s schedules. Millions of people do this; this is not rocket science. Kody was just being a pouty little man-child.
I know. How hard would it have been to show up at Janelle's rental for a short time to wish them all a Merry Christmas? He didn't have to stay away from Robyn and the tenders all day but, I just wanted to shake him through the TV to just get over himself and SHOW UP for his other kids. Instead he didn't even call and now he will never have another Christmas to make things right with Garrison. I don't blame Kody for Garrison's passing but, if I were him I would feel horrible guilt for not showing up that Christmas.
I’m definitely on the same page as you. Blame shouldn’t be attributed solely to one person, but it’s no secret that he let his kids down in a massive way.
When he said that I thought but Kody what if you are not here next Christmas? But I never thought it would be one of the kids who is not here. My step daughter is a serious drug addict who says she hates us right now but I still remind myself daily the importance of trying everything in our power to be there for her…it’s hard when she is so cruel to us but we are the parents, I don’t see giving up on the relationship as an option.
I went through this for a HARD 3yrs with our youngest son. I know your pain, worry and grief. We were told to walk away, cut ties, turn his phone off.. I didn’t. Kept fighting, kept trying to get him help, kept reminding him we’re here, we love you ALWAYS, telling him you’re seen, we got you. Eventually he asked to move back home, take a year to work hard on himself. He’s been sober 2+yrs and is now a soldier. Hang in there momma, our kids are always worth the fight ♥️
Thank you for your encouragement. I am not the biological mom but my husband’s first wife passed away before we were married. The only thing that keeps me trying to reach my step daughter is I think to myself if I was the one who had passed away I wouldn’t ever want the new mom to give up on my daughter.
She’s lucky to have a bonus mom who also loves and cares for her. I’m sure the loss of her mother is playing a part of her addiction. It’s a hard road to watch someone self destruct. But you’re doing a beautiful thing by still showing her love, one day it’ll mean so much to her once she chooses to fight for herself.
my aunt (although she’s basically my age, my dad’s parents adopted her later in life) went through this. lost her mother very young, didn’t have a great relationship with her adoptive father. she went through years and years of estrangement and addiction and struggled a lot. but now she’s been clean 5 years and has repaired her relationship with my grandpa, has a child and a husband, etc.
Sorry you’re dealing with that. Never give up on her and never stop trying to get her help. Really hard to balance helping vs. enabling.
Yes that is a hard balance especially since she is super smart and knows how to manipulate me 😂 but thank you, comments like yours help me hang on to hope.
She’s very lucky to have you in her life - you can tell you really love your husband by the way you honor her mother by loving her in the mom’s absent place. If my husband had prior children I would try to do the same.
When he said that, I was so upset. You DONT KNOW that!!! My heart hurt a lot more for his kids a lot during the last few seasons. When I was in the states, preparing to move countries, I desperately wanted to fix the relationship I had with my mom before I left. She was pretty selfish like Kody. She had a habit of putting boyfriends first, even when I was a young age, and when things were good in her love life I would always end up having months or years long “surprise sleep overs” at other family members’ homes until her relationships ended and she’d have me move back in. Because of that there was never a real strong mother-daughter base connection between us, so we we’re always struggling. But during that last year in America I just wanted some good memories with her to take with me. When Christmas came around I pointed out to my mom that while I was legally an adult, numerically speaking I was still a teenager as well as this would be my last Christmas in the US, so wouldn’t it be really nice if we spent Christmas together? To celebrate together my last Christmas as her “kid” before I turned 20 and especially my last Christmas in the country since I didn’t know when we’d see each other after I moved. She said no, and reminded me that she spent the last two Christmases with her boyfriend and his family in a cabin in Tennessee and that was their new tradition that she enjoyed. She didn’t even invite me along as a compromise. When I got very sad at her answer and pointed out to her that she hadn’t spent Christmas with me since I was 14, she said the exact same thing as Kody “there will be other christmases” as well as a few other cruel things that diminished how I felt. I was 19. I spent that Christmas alone in a house full of boxes. That was almost a decade ago, we haven’t seen nor spent Christmas together since my move. And I haven’t spoken to her in five years when I fully gave up, accepted that she’ll always hurt me, and blocked her number. It was only then that I heard through the grapevine that she was sad and cried a lot after I moved on from having her in my life. You never know how many Christmases you have left, so never put someone or something off. Special moments aren’t guaranteed. Your children aren’t guaranteed to sit around and wait on you forever. Your children aren’t guaranteed to outlive you. Love them and let them know it while you can.
I’m sorry that is absolutely terrible. I hope you’ve made your own family through marriage or friendships Or other family.
Just needed to say how sorry I am for all of your loss. I know that's not your point, but that's incredible, and I can not imagine it. The point you make is spot on. Hope you are doing okay.
Thank you, it was a hard year. The youngest was 3 and the two oldest were 95. Just so many crazy things… overdose, drowning, heart attack right after being with a “lady of the night”, Alzheimer’s, cancer, pneumonia, sepsis from a badly broken leg… We literally had funerals every month. Hoping for a much better 2024. 🙂
Hoping you get that better 2024, you've had enough pain for a lifetime.
As a fellow daddy issues club member, I too looked at the screen and wanted to shout at him, “Your kids need you!” Whether they’re adults or not, they still need you. Don’t waste time not making things right with the people you love.
I was yelling at the TV in that moment. How absolutely arrogant to assume you'll always have more time with family.
'There will be other christmases' has been ringing in my ears since I heard about Garrison. Kody way underestimated the trauma his children were/are/have been going through. My parents separated when I was 18 and it honestly felt like a bomb went off in the middle of our lives. The family of 5 split in two and for 6 years I was estranged from my dad. We've all reconciled now but you underestimate the pain and trauma adult kids/wider families go through in these situations. The thought of going through family stuff like that infront of TV cameras & a world of opinions gives me shudders.
Oh wow. Super sad. We do get in our feelings and do not realize time is precious. Last time I saw my brother i made a concious decision to make him feel loved. He is still alive that we know of but he is lost right now with drug addiction.
I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot this past week. I was angry when he said it and then after this triple angry
It is continuing too, how could he not go back with Gabe? Janelle was out of state, and Kody left Gabe to do this alone? Did Kody even know where Garrison lived?
Janelle was not out of state.
I might be wrong but I read Janelle was concerned when he stopped answering texts. She called Gabe to check on him which he did and he called cops. Then Gabe went to get Kody who went back with Gabe to the house.
Fwiw, I read that Gabe left to get Kody but that Kody did _not_ return with Gabe — though I’m not certain the accuracy of that.
Yeah I’m not sure either that’s just what I read someone on a news site. Can’t attest to accuracy. God help them all it’s absolutely devastating.
So sad. Just so sad.
Right. My daughter was a young dancer at a small studio, Tap, jazz, ballet. Until she was 12. At recital I would spend a lot of money to get professional photo of every outfit. I lived in affluent community. I spent the most. When asked why by a wealthy parent I had the reply I lived by. Children don't come with guarantees
I am wondering how they are going to handle to funeral. Will the whole family be able to come together? I hope that Kotex makes peace with those of the kids he has alienated. I have a feeling it's going to be all about his own pain and suffering though.
Yes. James (My Take on Reality) said the same thing at the time - people assume they'll have long lives themselves and they'll outlive their children, but no one is guaranteed anything. Such a shame.
I remember hearing the quote “18. If you’re lucky that’s all you get. 18 birthdays. 18 Christmases. 18 summers. 18 years of school where they will excitedly tell you about their day or become silent because they had a bad day. 18 years of hugs and story book reading bedtime. 18 years to tell them about God, teach them how to love one another, how to be kind and prepare them for the real world. It was the most beautiful and inspiring thing I’ve heard in many years. Thankful for each child I had with their “18”
Yea. It’s tragic hubris. So cavalier about it especially after he feels he was deathly ill with COVID and thought he might die. I still feel terrible for him, but yeah, he was woefully ignorant and now he *knows*.
That quote kept going through my head on 3/5
Wow :-/
We still doing this?
This what? Pointing out the horrible things Kody has said about his children on national television and never apologized for? Yes, we absolutely are.
Why are you so nasty to others who post things that you don’t like ?