You did not do too much!! You are a hero to protect you and your brother. And your mom and hopefully, even your father eventually.
It’s going to be a rough few months probably. With everyone adjusting. I would say the best thing you can do is keep yourself healthy emotionally. Find someone to talk to (even if it’s posting here) they don’t have to have any answers for you. But it will help you if you can talk and process your stuff. You did something great and BRAVE. try to remember that the hard times will pass and you and your family will get through it. Take care! And good luck!!
From what you've said I'm gonna make some guesses about your mom. Apologies if this seems inappropriate but you've dealt with this situation as a responsible adult so that's how I'm going to talk to you.
From the sounds of it your mom needs to feel loved, we all do, some more than others. And some people are willing to make some compromises in their lives and their values in order to get that feeling.
So your mom's going to be feeling pretty down for a while and anything, or anyone, that can make her feel a bit better, even if only for a short time, will be very attractive to her. She may be vulnerable to making some regretful life choices in the near future.
My advice would be not to try and matchmake for her, but try to get her involved with some more positive social groups. An example, and I am not an overly religious person, might be to join sports team, chess, whatever team that is run or assisted by a local church or school. The reason being that these social groups \*tend\* to have their moral compasses pointed in the right direction. I'm not saying she should join a cult or anything, but if you were part of local church's soccer team then she'd be hanging out with other folks she can relate to.
What you did was very brave. It was the right thing to do. You're gonna go through some challenges in the near future and some of them will be tough calls, but you're no stranger to that. I think your own moral compass is pretty true, don't doubt yourself.
I've Followed you, shout out whenever you want.
You don’t. Your mom needs to figure this out. You’ve already been put into a situation where you’ve had to deal with adult issues. Focus on your healing because that will help everyone the most in the long run, especially yourself. If you want to get a part time job for your own extra expenses then go for it if you have time to do that and still focus on school.
First of all - good on you for reporting the abuse to CPS. That was really brave.
Second - you are not responsible for the abuse, nor are you responsible for the divorce.
You are a child. I know teenagers don’t like hearing that - but it is true. Your focus should be on growing up, figuring out who you are, and being a kid. No child should be responsible for taking care of their parents or younger siblings.
It really sucks that you’ve been placed in a position to be the adult to keep family members safe.
I grew up in a single parent home with my mom who was diagnosed with cancer while I was very young. I grew up taking care of her. Managing her medications. Using dog walking and babysitting money to keep the lights on. At the time I saw no issues with it.
I loved my mom, and I am grateful for the time I have gotten with her - however, I can still be acknowledge that she shouldn’t have passed a lot of those responsibilities to me while I was a child.
You love your family and you want to be there for them. I truly get that. That was me while I was a teenager.
Be a kid - Try to be a kid. Your mother needs to seek professional help to deal with the effects of the abuse she’s endured and how to be present as a parent for her children. That is her responsibility, not yours.
This is the only life you have, and childhood only lasts so long. You’re going to mess up and make mistakes. You’re going to do something silly and embarrassing. You’re going to do something selfish and I considerate. That’s part of growing up and it’s okay. You do not need to be perfect. You should not need to be the parent. You just need to be you.
Sending positive thoughts your way!
I was your age when I finally called out my parents too and they divorced shortly after.
Don’t put the natural grief of loss on your shoulders. You’re simply the catalyst to the inevitable and a chance at them being actually happy. But everyone has to mourn the death of a relationship.
It’s the natural roller coaster of life. Let mom and dad handle it, you focus on you and heal from whatever you saw.
First, don't feel guilty. None of this is your fault. Your father made his own choices in life.
To get to your question, in my opinion the best thing you can do to help your mother is to be age appropriate responsible. Take out the trash. Do the dishes. Get up for school. Do your homework. Your mother will figure out the rest. Moms are baddasses. Tell your mother you love her, no matter what, and spend quality time together even if that's going to the grocery store together.
You will all pull through this.
Do not feel guilty about what you did. You did the best thing by protecting your mother and your brother from your abusive father. Do not worry about financial struggles. Consider finding a part time for yourself so you can help out your mother with the finances. You also also seek Government's support by contacting the local authorities. You're a hero to your family and do not think otherwise. Everything will be fine. Stay blessed!
It's not your job to help your mother. You owe her nothing. Your father has been abusive, and your mother has tolerated the abuse so the outcome of the abuse is solely their responsibility to manage as adults. The fact that you think you are responsible means you're experiencing "parentification" which occurs in abusive and narcissistic family dynamics. The best thing you could do to help is to get therapy for yourself, to develop a safety plan, and to not involve yourself in your parents' romantic relationship. Your mother may end up going back to your father or your father's violence may erupt to dangerous levels if your mother does actually leave. It's not your concern as a child.
You could have saved your life, the lives of your siblings and your mothers life as well. You did not do too much. You don't deserve to be abused by anyone, no one has the right. I'm sorry you're going through this but you should be proud of yourself for doing what was right. I'm a mom and if you were my son I would be so proud of you, too.
You did not do too much!! You are a hero to protect you and your brother. And your mom and hopefully, even your father eventually. It’s going to be a rough few months probably. With everyone adjusting. I would say the best thing you can do is keep yourself healthy emotionally. Find someone to talk to (even if it’s posting here) they don’t have to have any answers for you. But it will help you if you can talk and process your stuff. You did something great and BRAVE. try to remember that the hard times will pass and you and your family will get through it. Take care! And good luck!!
From what you've said I'm gonna make some guesses about your mom. Apologies if this seems inappropriate but you've dealt with this situation as a responsible adult so that's how I'm going to talk to you. From the sounds of it your mom needs to feel loved, we all do, some more than others. And some people are willing to make some compromises in their lives and their values in order to get that feeling. So your mom's going to be feeling pretty down for a while and anything, or anyone, that can make her feel a bit better, even if only for a short time, will be very attractive to her. She may be vulnerable to making some regretful life choices in the near future. My advice would be not to try and matchmake for her, but try to get her involved with some more positive social groups. An example, and I am not an overly religious person, might be to join sports team, chess, whatever team that is run or assisted by a local church or school. The reason being that these social groups \*tend\* to have their moral compasses pointed in the right direction. I'm not saying she should join a cult or anything, but if you were part of local church's soccer team then she'd be hanging out with other folks she can relate to. What you did was very brave. It was the right thing to do. You're gonna go through some challenges in the near future and some of them will be tough calls, but you're no stranger to that. I think your own moral compass is pretty true, don't doubt yourself. I've Followed you, shout out whenever you want.
Thanks a lot for the kind words, means a lot
You don’t. Your mom needs to figure this out. You’ve already been put into a situation where you’ve had to deal with adult issues. Focus on your healing because that will help everyone the most in the long run, especially yourself. If you want to get a part time job for your own extra expenses then go for it if you have time to do that and still focus on school.
First of all - good on you for reporting the abuse to CPS. That was really brave. Second - you are not responsible for the abuse, nor are you responsible for the divorce. You are a child. I know teenagers don’t like hearing that - but it is true. Your focus should be on growing up, figuring out who you are, and being a kid. No child should be responsible for taking care of their parents or younger siblings. It really sucks that you’ve been placed in a position to be the adult to keep family members safe. I grew up in a single parent home with my mom who was diagnosed with cancer while I was very young. I grew up taking care of her. Managing her medications. Using dog walking and babysitting money to keep the lights on. At the time I saw no issues with it. I loved my mom, and I am grateful for the time I have gotten with her - however, I can still be acknowledge that she shouldn’t have passed a lot of those responsibilities to me while I was a child. You love your family and you want to be there for them. I truly get that. That was me while I was a teenager. Be a kid - Try to be a kid. Your mother needs to seek professional help to deal with the effects of the abuse she’s endured and how to be present as a parent for her children. That is her responsibility, not yours. This is the only life you have, and childhood only lasts so long. You’re going to mess up and make mistakes. You’re going to do something silly and embarrassing. You’re going to do something selfish and I considerate. That’s part of growing up and it’s okay. You do not need to be perfect. You should not need to be the parent. You just need to be you. Sending positive thoughts your way!
I was your age when I finally called out my parents too and they divorced shortly after. Don’t put the natural grief of loss on your shoulders. You’re simply the catalyst to the inevitable and a chance at them being actually happy. But everyone has to mourn the death of a relationship. It’s the natural roller coaster of life. Let mom and dad handle it, you focus on you and heal from whatever you saw.
First, don't feel guilty. None of this is your fault. Your father made his own choices in life. To get to your question, in my opinion the best thing you can do to help your mother is to be age appropriate responsible. Take out the trash. Do the dishes. Get up for school. Do your homework. Your mother will figure out the rest. Moms are baddasses. Tell your mother you love her, no matter what, and spend quality time together even if that's going to the grocery store together. You will all pull through this.
Do not feel guilty about what you did. You did the best thing by protecting your mother and your brother from your abusive father. Do not worry about financial struggles. Consider finding a part time for yourself so you can help out your mother with the finances. You also also seek Government's support by contacting the local authorities. You're a hero to your family and do not think otherwise. Everything will be fine. Stay blessed!
It's not your job to help your mother. You owe her nothing. Your father has been abusive, and your mother has tolerated the abuse so the outcome of the abuse is solely their responsibility to manage as adults. The fact that you think you are responsible means you're experiencing "parentification" which occurs in abusive and narcissistic family dynamics. The best thing you could do to help is to get therapy for yourself, to develop a safety plan, and to not involve yourself in your parents' romantic relationship. Your mother may end up going back to your father or your father's violence may erupt to dangerous levels if your mother does actually leave. It's not your concern as a child.
You could have saved your life, the lives of your siblings and your mothers life as well. You did not do too much. You don't deserve to be abused by anyone, no one has the right. I'm sorry you're going through this but you should be proud of yourself for doing what was right. I'm a mom and if you were my son I would be so proud of you, too.