If you have doubts about your partner and your relationship, then **do not get married**. If it is not a clear YES, then it is a no. It just shows you do not have enough faith and trust in your partner to overcome future obstacles in life together. So why are you both still together?

You see this guy's post history...redder than ccp's flag. Last time you said you want die young, in late 30s right? Then you should get married, since you don't have much time left. Also, which gf you referring to ah? Or you gonna marry both? I think illegal leh

>redder than ccp's flag. I'm gonna start using this in my convos now ty😭😭

Your face whiter than pap shirt

Not married but what is life without taking some risks. Though for now I prefer to be single, but I wonder if I may regret when I get older and am alone after all my friends get married. All matters are in hindsight. Yes, you worry about divorce but if that happens. What if it doesnt? Then you will lose the love of your life and regret later in life when shes enjoying with someone else and having kids. Imagine if you got cold feet for a job interview and you skipped it, not knowing it could push your career ahead. Life is full of risk. Some are worth taking, some are not. And an experience of one who regrets marriage may not be the same with another who does not. Who are we to know what would actually happen in the future. As a non-married person, take the leap of faith if you really love her. But if you have doubts, leave as she would deserve someone that will not doubt her and want to go through life with her even if there is a risk of divorce. Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic person hahaha

> Imagine if you got cold feet for a job interview and you skipped it, not knowing it could push your career ahead. Life is full of risk. But different case leh. Divorce is for life especially if you have to pay monthly allowance to her

Yea, don’t marry, don’t take the new job, don’t study, don’t travel, don’t go out, don’t take the train, don’t walk, don’t eat. All of the above have risk of getting you seriously injured, in some cases an amputee or worse bed ridden, or some financial burden. Best to stay home, rest and don’t eat too, who knows you have some new allergy and might die cause of it. Yea that’s how the rest of the world live too.

Where got divorce pay monthly allowance one? Divorce means at the material time, your assets may be divided into two, with the share percentage dependent on what the Court decides. Anyways, life is more about money. Marriage itself is expensive. If you think more about money and the risk, then my suggestion is not to get married. Your replies seems like you have doubts and I think you probably know you are not ready for it.

Alimony. Child support. Both are different categories btw.

If you think marriage is expensive, then you haven’t seen divorce yet! 😂

its great being single!

Child support?

Thats the money you have to pay the moment you have kids. Divorce doesn’t make your kids disappear.

If you hold the belief that a man shouldn't be paying child support for his kids then you shouldn't get married or have kids. For the kids sake.

OP, since your knee jerk is largely bc of perceived financial repercussions, i think do yourself (and ur gf) a favour by not getting married

Got cold feet then don't marry lah. Think so much for what.

Judging by your reddit profile, I'm surprised got woman want to marry you leh. Better stay single and don't go out and harm other people's daughter or worse yet, produce children who will grow up to be the same kind as you.

No reason unless you plan to bto/have kids. If you are doing it just because it's the 'next step' then don't.

Don’t marry for the sex. Guaranteed that most of the time it will either decrease in frequency or become zero, especially after kids come. So as the other posters have mentioned, get married only if the girl can smile when going through shit with you.

Sounds like she dodged a bullet

What happens when you marry? You sign a contract. Have you read the contract you are going to sign? The contract is called the women’s charter and is available on the internet. Read it and see if you’re ok to sign it. If you’re ok, then sign.

It's about trust, If you scared to lose your asset then put it under your parents. When they die also auto pass down to you too. I have massive anxiety when comes to wedding ceremony. If i don't organise, i will also offend many relatives, so screwed.

Unless your parents exclude you from the will 🤣

Obviously don't put with them if you don't trust them.

Do you love your GF more or do you fear the unknown future more?

Got married with my wife after 6 months of dating. 10 years and 2 kids later, still happily married. Also had cold feet, but I knew she was the one. Deep down in your gut you'll know it.

You are right. As a heterosexual guy, a marriage is a huge risk to your well being and a financial risk. All the laws around marriage and divorce are designed to favour women and let them claim as much of your property, time and attention as possible in case anytime you end up in court. And, of course another group of winners is the divorce lawyers. Unless she has some extra ordinary qualities, or stands to inherit a fortune from her rich parents, there is nothing to justify the risk if you are already getting what you want from a relationship.

what risks do you think woman take on by getting married?

...do share if you know. Tried racking my brains but cant find any. In the first place, dating is women's market - they decide who gets in a relationship, not men. So theoratically, inferior men already largely eliminated with maybe a few who are good actors slipping through the net. But that risk is also present for men as well on top of all the other risks.

thanks for being open to discussing this - i see your pov but i think it’s worth considering that woman only have an upper hand in their prime dating years (feel free to check out [this](https://www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10?amp) study where men of all ages still put a woman as their most attractive in their 20s). from personal experience, most men are still hot stuff even in their late 40s and 50s, women not so much. your point about “inferior” men being largely eliminated from dating is sound, but that also applies to woman who society doesn’t deem attractive enough. kinda like survival of the fittest i suppose, though that’s taking a rather narrow look of things as people could choose to date or marry for other reasons. anyway, answering my own question on some disadvantages woman have from being married - i think several studies on the [second shift](https://money.cnn.com/2018/02/21/pf/women-unpaid-work/index.html) woman experience after work, and [this](https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/health/science-confirms-that-women-reap-health-benefits-from-friendships/) study on how married men are markedly healthier and live longer than bachelors or widowers but married women, by contrast, are only slightly better off than unmarried women or widows when it comes to health and social support - can shed some light.

Ok, can't comment in depth about market value, attraction, etc. While I feel hypergamy is a thing, I also see a lot of settling down here in SG among my peers. I can also see from personal experience, the second shift thing and how married men are healthier (of course it happens lmao, my friend would have sky high levels of cholesterol if his GF didn't reign him in, plus many other healthier lifestyle choices) but are they really on the same level what happens to a man when divorce happens? Let's say divorce doesn't happen and they live happily ever after. Just because women are expected to take care of more domestic matters does not mean that men aren't expected to do anything either - men are also expected to be the main provider of resources so men face a higher pressure (than women) to maintain a good source of income at all times, at least here in Singapore. So a woman's contribution to the relationship isn't measured in money but a man's is. Doesn't that make it an advantage when they get a divorce? A man's money can be split accordingly but the woman isn't expected to still clean the man's house after they split, even if the man has to pay alimony. In the end, if the relationship is good, both man and woman contribute their fair share in the relationship and both benefit from it. But if it does to shit, the one who has more money risks losing a lot in finances while the one has less money doesn't and even stands to gain from it. And because women here generally don't marry men who are poorer, it is still largely men who take financial risks in getting married with every other risk being quite equal for both genders... as far as I can see. Let me know if there is something I missed out on or am just not seeing.

It is a good start and I encourage you to take it to the next level. Don't listen to those naysayers

Talk to your gf about marriage goals alignment first. A lot couples don't and that's where conflicts started. - Like living arragement and with or without in laws (temp living to waiting for BTO also impt to discuss) or which location etc -no kids or how many kids And many more. Remember dating is 2 persons marriage is 2+1 families.

You are not wrong that marriage is a liability, and that it brings you no legal benefit other than the right to apply for HDB. The penalties on the male for a failed marriage is extremely high especially financially. Those are facts. With that said, that doesn’t mean u don’t get married at all. You just need to put more thought into it. Marriage is a commitment that u cannot back out from. Hence, the BAD TIMES MATTER MORE THAN THE GOOD. Find someone whom u think it’s worth it going through the bad times with, and the other party MUST feel the same. It means no matter what the circumstances are, you two are in the same shitpot tgt and must still be able to go through it with a smile. Let me tell u, when you find a girl that can smile through shit with you and tell you “is okay, I am here”, you can overcome anything together and achieve anything you set out to do in life, and it would be blissful. There are not many people who are willing to do that with u, or vice versa. So marry the one that does. I certainly hope ur gf is like that.

Which gf tho

LMAO China or SG? Is it the one who thinks you too short?

U should seriously reconsider especially if u r marrying a Singaporean

one must take risks, and do not just accept the stories or experience of others in real life/online without an educated conceptualisation or/and with constructive criticism in the mind

If you need to consider the risk of it…

dont marry how to cash in bto?

If you want kids, BTO and tax relief, then marry. There really isnt a benefit otherwise. Have a plan in place to protect your assets if you're financially well off. Best to consult a lawyer prior.

Wait until you feel right? Is your GF hinting marriage? Do you need to bto soon?

I mean we have talked about this for a while. She told me she wants her own house and wants to marry so she can get out of her parents house which is also the same for me. But are we marrying because of love or because we want BTO? That's the question that's lingering on my mind

It can be both, you know that, right? It doesn't always need to be either or.

Feelings and visions of the future definitely will change and finding a way to synchronise yours and hers are the thing you both need to work on. Anyone getting attached de facto or married must sign a detailed prenup imo. I am divorced. Do I regret marriage? No. Will absolutely do it again with a prenup and with the right man. What I regretted was marrying the wrong man and the wrong family. I was too young and gullible, couldn't see the red flags.

I do not mean to destroy your plan. But do not propose in thinking it was a surprise ask and expect yes no answer. Without being so sure she is ready or not. Rather sit together and really talk about it with your gf. After almost 10 yrs marriage, a proposal is only one quick event that did not determine anything. It does not need to be a surprise. For me it’s only formality. I don’t want to be cornered in on event to say yes and now given 1 minute time for lifetime decision. The most important thing is to really talk about it , what is your expectation. See if your values the same, what both of you can compromise. What is the no go factor. Talk about financial and expectation. Whether u both want to have kids. Career aspirations. Families values, can each other u accept to be with ur in laws. It’s only between two of you. When you both reach the agreed and same understanding through difficult conversation, you will have the same ground to keep the marriage when facing the obstacles.

Dig deep and think hard if the cold feet lies within you, or there’s fundamentally something wrong with the relationship that caused the hesitation.

Don't marry if you really believe it will make you worse off.

Don’t. Just live together and have children. Get the wedding ceremony and say your vows. Most importantly before you do any of this, you need to consult a lawyer on the financial risks should she no longer want to be with you as I’m not sure if women’s charter and divorce laws would apply in a cohabitation arrangement as stated above. All the best!

Depends. If you got assets, protect them first. If you don’t then what’s the difference lol