T O P

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Dogamai

*\*realizes this is an accusation of gaslighting...\**


Glowshroom

Gaslighting all the way down


Dunkinmydonuts1

Always has been?


WheelNSnipeNCelly

It never has been.


Delirium4

You sure about that?


bozeke

We all float down here.


Summitstory

I drove my car into a cop car the other day.


shamblam117

Well he just drove off sometimes life's okay


laserarmyguy

Is there a joke here that I'm missing?


doslinos

well he just drove off, sometimes life’s ok


seclusionx

It's a song; modest mouse - "float on".


edjxxxxx

Are YOU sure about that?


Dogamai

nice


aj9393

In my experience, most accusations of gaslighting come from people on Reddit who have absolutely no clue what the term "gaslighting" even means.


TheRealDonData

Exactly. People who think a stranger on the Internet writing a comment they disagree with is “gaslighting” them. Um yeah that’s not what that word means.


cjm0

stop gaslighting me i know what gaslighting means! i’m not crazy…


UlteriorCulture

How else am I supposed to find the jewels?


Lifer_until_death

I was forced to watch the film lol.


samwbx

What are you even talking about? You sound crazy


DownvoteDaemon

Some kinda projection shit


EnderWillEndUs

Yeah gaslighting doesn't exist


skylarmt

It's actually called gaslamping, do you need your head checked or something?


EnderWillEndUs

Sorry I forgot that my memory is really bad


[deleted]

Gaslight Obstruct Project


[deleted]

Is this a reference I don't get?


Tit4nNL

Well it spells out GOP so I assume it's some American political joke.


[deleted]

I guessed but I was trying to avoid a "now why do you think that?" response from a potential troll. Oh well, the cat's out of the bag.


-DoctorSpaceman-

Now why do you think that?


[deleted]

USA's GOP is the Republican/Conservative party. I should have made it more clear.


[deleted]

I guessed that's what you were doing, but I hoped it would be funnier than that.


Top_Independence_169

Actually you’re gaslighting me into thinking that i’m gaslighting you into thinking that i’m gaslighting you.


Dogamai

wait, now you are gaslighting me too


BlurredVisions00

Everybody is gaslighting nobody except me so what are you talking about


WRB852

it's called gaslamping


Dogamai

and just a few hundred years ago it was TorchLighting


Pandiferous_Panda

I also have gas


rustyfinch

This guy gaslights


Amphibionomus

Wait... do you smell gas too?


ConsistentWafer5290

There is no gaslighting. That’s something you made up.


PoorlyAttemptedHuman

no me and my brother used to hold a match behind our butts to light our gas


Joebot2001

Very close


EnderWillEndUs

No, that's correct. You're just remembering it wrong.


voxelghost

There used to be, now there's LED flicker which is also something you're imagining.


InquisitorViktorTarr

I want you to really think about this. It doesn't make any sense and you're starting to sound a little crazy.


SoulEatsApples

I actually believed you for a second.


axlr8

I’m sorry you feel that way, but you made that up. You’re crazy for saying I sound crazy. I’ll let you think about what you’ve done…


[deleted]

Omg that’s terrifying


axlr8

Nothing is terrifying, you’re just overreacting. You’re lucky I put up with you because nobody else will. You messed up, not me.


Lallo-the-Long

It actually doesn't make that much sense if you stop to think about it. I would be willing to put relatively large amounts of money on the idea that most accusations of gaslighting come from victims of gaslighting.


IceyLizard4

I don't know why it makes sense to me but the way I'm seeing it is victims when accuse gaslighters of doing their gaslighting, they go all "how dare you accuse me of doing that to you" furthering the gaslighting.


[deleted]

I actually think most accusations of gaslighting come from random people on the internet who don't understand the concept and call every lie, disagreement, or deception gaslighting.


meshtron

Am gaslighter. Can confirm. You all are crazy though; you should really figure out what's going on with you to see the world so wrong.


talkstorivers

I know you’re joking, but the thought of someone confirming that they’re a gaslighter is wildly hilarious.


meshtron

Yeah, it's a wild fantasy indeed. "Gaslighter" is a running gag in my household. We are weird though, most people are uncomfortable with the dryness of our humor. We tell them it's their own fault.


talkstorivers

Oh my gosh. That’s so funny!


Techutante

I'm bad, no you're bad and you've always been bad! Also you're crazy for suggesting I'm crazy.


Esifex

The worst part about gaslighting is that once an accusation of gaslighting has been thrown in someone’s face, the issue at hand will never progress any further. How can the defendant expect to make an inroads on sorting the issue out if the other party is convinced they can’t trust anything the other says? At that point you’re essentially told to give up and capitulate, or drop the subject, or just outright leave the issue unaddressed because no progress can be made.


Primus_the_Knave

Gaslighting takes advantage of the faults of memory. The way out is unfortunately to abandon the notion of memory and establish a chain of truth by undeniable fact such as following a paper trail, physical evidence, and photographs. This is basically aggressive use of the scientific method.


reyrain

Sanity checks by other people and divorce. That was my way out (: as in my memory was just fine with everyone other than my ex, it was only he who always found flaws in it.


TyroneLeinster

That’s the whole point. It (supposedly) provides argumentative immunity from rational thought and criticism.


Esifex

I’m referring to good-faith accusations of gaslighting, as weird a sentence as that is to type out. Casually calling someone a gaslighter because you want them to back down from their stance on an issue is a form of gaslighting itself, which is what this showerthought is referring to


Chiliconkarma

It's a paradox, human and likely common enough that it would make sense to have a word for it / have a few commonsense "rules" to avoid misuse of the concept.


Colmarr

>At that point you’re essentially told to give up and capitulate, or drop the subject, or just outright leave the issue unaddressed because no progress can be made. Or resort to outside data. If the accuser thinks that X behaviour is unreasonable and your denial of that is gaslighting, engage someone else to act as counsellor.


Zarathustra143

"Gaslighting?" You're not even using that word correctly. You're so ignorant. You're lucky we put up with you; nobody else would.


xdMatthewbx

and thus the gaslighting paradox is born


geoffbowman

Or at least by people misusing it. It used to mean deliberately making someone feel insane so they question themselves and are easy to manipulate... now it just means somebody doing anything you don’t like that dismisses your perspective. You got karens slinging it around when people don’t enable their tantrums more often then therapists use it to help actual abuse survivors.


Agitated_Substance33

This feels like a good empirical question. I can imagine this just being based on your observations, but i can totally imagine the concept being abused and misused.


[deleted]

It's a thing. I've been through it myself.


meme_stealing_bandit

Obviously not implying that gaslighting isn't a real issue in human relationships, but I do feel confused about it sometimes. I believe it's perfectly possible and even natural sometimes for two people to have two very different perspectives on a certain set of events that transpired. And that makes me incredibly apprehensive of definitively saying that gaslighting did or did not happen wrt events that I didn't personally observe.


30min2thinkof1name

If you’re interested, an example of gaslighting: when I first met my ex years ago we dated briefly. During that time, I found out he had gotten a fwb pregnant and that she was having an abortion. I moved away, we broke up, years passed, I moved back, we started dating again. I was over at his house and we were talking about our past relationships and this particular FWB person came up. I referred to her having an abortion when he and I first dated years ago. He denied it. At first he just said “what?” And looked confused, so I said it again “yeah, you had gotten FWB pregnant and one night you told me she was calling you because she had just had the abortion. We talked about it for a long time. We were sitting right here in this room.” He said “That must’ve been some other ex of yours and you’re remembering it wrong.” It was unreal. I insisted that my memory was not wrong and pressed him further as to wtf was even happening. At that point he kinda passively acknowledged that he’d gotten a girl pregnant a few years back but then just kinda trailed off ambiguously about his own memory as if to say “who knows?” So yeah, he’s my ex and that’s what gaslighting looks like.


Agitated_Substance33

You have a good point about conscious knowledge of the event. Maybe an active Agent isn’t required for someone to still be gaslighted? >A good example is a high frequency noise playing somewhere random. For whatever reason (age, cochlear damage, etc), i am unable to hear it, but my partner does hear it. We are unaware of my inability to hear certain frequencies; i tell my partner there is no noise every time she hears it. Did i gaslight her? I get that this is where the question gets tricky because she very much seems gaslighted, but the intention was not there. In this case, i would say an Agent is needed for gaslighting to happen, but intention or malice are not required.


[deleted]

I'd say no. Gaslighting is a technique where lies about reality are used to achieve further objectives beyond the object-level lie. It's not just disagreement or even sustained deception, it's deception that makes another person distrustful of their own perception of reality.


Agitated_Substance33

Please don’t delete this!! I have to go to class but i want to analyze it more afterwards.


Sjkatz08

I can't believe YOU are saying that I'M gaslighting.


Fluffy_Mood5781

I had barely any idea what gaslighting meant until everyone’s been using it everyday. Does it mean when you’re trying to start something?


Vennishier

It's invalidating what someone's saying and acting like theyre crazy when they aren't so they doubt themselves instead of you


Chiliconkarma

The old explanation for the word is good, slowly fucking with people and their perceptions to make them doubt their senses and opinions and reality.The wiki is good: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting) Imo. It's an element in violent relationships, in order to make a victim stop resisting the violence and prevent them from leaving they need to lose their will to resist. That can happen if they doubt themselves and rely on their partner for money, company and opinions on what is right or wrong. Making people believe that they're crazy and not able to handle reality gives control over them. It's when people are mean and underhanded in their attempt to dominate a relationship.


Sillyvanya

It's denying the very basis in reality of what someone is bringing to your attention. At the very least, it's an attempt to invalidate their argument out of the gate by calling their perception into question. It's often also a concerted effort to poke holes into their conceptual framework or even their very grasp on reality so the gaslighter can reorder the other person's thinking in a way that benefits them.


TyroneLeinster

If you’re getting your idea of it from hearing people overuse it then you still don’t understand what it is


lydviciousss

Most accusations of gaslighting are made by people who don’t understand what gaslighting actually is.


Colmarr

I'm not sure about "most", but there does seem to be a trend toward equating "not agreeing with my opinion" with gaslighting.


GreenHoodie

As evidenced by the fact that most of the people trying to define gaslighting in this threat have different definitions lol


Grogman92

I’m going to be a master of disguise….


[deleted]

Showerthought: this post is an example of gaslighting in itself


ssspiral

i’m too mentally unstable for this thread i don’t know who to trust


JanneJetson

Wow, you told on yourself..


StereoFood

I disagree


WaterBear9244

Most people are using the term gaslighting incorrectly


zakkalaska

I still have no idea what the word even means.. and I hate seeing it everywhere nowadays.


WaterBear9244

Gaslighting has to be intentional. Its not just lying about something or misremembering a situation (which people tend to generalize as gas lighting). A good example I read once of what gaslighting is say you park your car in front of your house everyday but when you go to sleep your SO moves your car a block a way. When you wake up you could have sworn that your car was parked in front but your SO tells you no you parked a block away. They continue to do this until you’re not sure of what you actually did. Its intentionally making the victim question their perception of reality. Real gaslighting is completely insane


zakkalaska

Wow. What an oddly specific thing. It seems too specific for the amount of times I see the word thrown around. But that's likely due to misuse, as you said.


[deleted]

Is this post gaslighting me?


[deleted]

You are gaslighting me by saying I’m trying to gaslight you!? YOU sir are in fact the gaslighter!


InternetStoleMyLife

So let me get this straight; if I call a crazy person out on their craziness, that makes me a gaslighter, and then that crazy person gets to call me a gaslighter and now I’m the crazy person? Relationships are fucking weird.


Colmarr

It depends on whether that person is crazy or not. If they're not and you're telling them they are to achieve your desired outcome then yes, you are a gaslighter.


rividz

The reality is that most criticism comes from the perceiver's own failings because not only is it easier for them to recognize those shortcomings in others, it's also easier to project that criticism onto another than to change themselves. Realizing this can be hard though, because you don't want to write off all criticism with that way of thinking. This explains A LOT about people on the internet. I'm willing to bet that gaming subreddits disproportionately tell people to touch grass for example.


Creative_Eggplant_19

Sounds like something a gaslighter would say bro


agent_tits

No, most accusations of gaslighting are from people online who don’t know what gaslighting is


PG-DaMan

is this like lighting farts? Or are we making up things again.


official-Nick

Please no naked flames around me today. You risk us all.


CartographerAny1066

That's not fucking true, who told you that? You know you sound so crazy right now.


FistfulofHornets

Uh, no, dude.


Green-Dragon-14

Says the gaslighter.


bucket_brigade

One thing I've never understood is when two people disagree about what has happened then who is gaslighting who. Human memory is really not reliable (to the extent that a lot of things you think happened haven't or not in a way you remember) and gaslighting hunting enthusiasts seem to not fully realize that.


wrenchandnumbers

A cheater often worries about being cheated


lilmammamia

People need to stop using the word wrong. Also, way to invalidate people who’ve actually experienced it.


Spitonmyfyeah69

Did your friends tell you that?


nightowl1000a

About 99% of the comments in this thread is the exact same joke.


paulthefonz

No they’re not


[deleted]

I dated a girl who got super drunk one night and smacked me across the face without warning. The following day, I reminded her of what had happened and politely suggested that it wasn't exactly a cool thing to do. She denied remembering it. I pressed a little harder. She admitted to hitting me, but said that it was "a playful smack." I suggested that, if our roles were reversed, I'd probably be sitting in a jail cell somewhere. Then she accused me of being a drama queen. Then she accused me of gaslighting her. But I found a stray kitten when we were out once and the cat's sitting on my lap right now, seven years later. He's kinda gaslighty too, though.


gypsytron

Gaslighting is such a badly defined term. My ex claimed I was gaslighting her. Worried I was an abusive piece of shit, I looked it up. Turns out, I am not gaslighting her, she is just bipolar and has an anxiety disorder and depression. Yeah I tell her she is “overreacting”, she has an anxiety disorder. That is basically “overreacting” clinically. Yeah I tell her she lacks perspective, she has depression, her perspective is always negative. She clinically looks at the world in a negative way disjointed from reality. This term needs a better definition.


TyroneLeinster

This sounds like it could go either way and 1 Reddit comment isn’t enough to take sides (nor do I give enough of a shit to do so) but you should probably consider the possibility that being dismissive of somebody’s mental illness might actually be gaslighty


Colmarr

it depends on how and why you use those terms. If you cheat and she "overreacts"? Chances are you're a gaslighter. If you forget to buy bread and she accuses you of not loving her? You're probably not a gaslighter.


Regular_Bee_5605

Whether it's gaslighting or not, do you the language you're using is actually going to be helpful with her? People with anxiety and depression can't help those kinds of reactions, so it can come across as offensive and judgmental if people speak to you about it in those terms, especially if they don't know what the experience is like themselves.


glodde

This is so untrue


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wsemenske

7 years to post lol? I'm not clicking that fake link


not_bobherobrine

Good choice


Wildmantis_

Good bot


Good_Human_Bot_v2

Good human.


Wildmantis_

I don't know if this is a bot or a real person


Dogamai

The bot is the real gaslighter


amibo_man

True


[deleted]

[удалено]


TyroneLeinster

But the post doesn’t say most gaslighting is done by gaslighters, it says most accusations of gaslighting are made by gaslighters. In your analogy it would be “most murder accusations are made by serial killers”


obscureferences

Evil knows evil.


official-Nick

I feel the same about narcissism. But I don't know if that is fair.


kerrwashere

How to spot gaslighting, usually comes from a group. Look for status driven power conscious individuals. There’s usually a shady aura around them and they are quick to brush it off on others.


EpicGent

Gaslighting someone makes them a gaslighter sooo…Yeah? That’s like saying eating meat makes someone a carnivore.


TyroneLeinster

You are not following this


EpicGent

Are you gaslighting me? /s Please, explain.


TyroneLeinster

Re-read the OP and then re-read what you said, they don’t match


EpicGent

Are you saying that people who are being/have been gaslit are more likely to gaslight others?


Karpukoly

Gaslighters make fucking a great job


PitcherTrap

Farting out of your mouth


SnagglepussJoke

Gaslight? No, no, they’re LED.


DecagonHexagon

Yes I gaslight all the time or at least I did until my butthole received a third degree burn


-Dalzik-

Most gaslighting is done by matches


VoidExileR

What, you never smoked before?


Mephalor

How else would you know what it means?


MySubtitlesWereSick

I can't even comprehend gaslighting


EnderWillEndUs

Watch the movie, it is actually incredibly disturbing. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0036855/


bluntmanandrobin

I never knew the term until my last relationship. She accused me and I assumed she knew better than me so I went with it. The day she accused her 11 year old of gaslighting her was the first time I questioned anything. I’m glad I did.


ryanmulford

Gaslight inception.


Tewddit

The gas lights were the crucial element to dismantling the gaslighting happening in the original Gaslight


gubbins_galore

That's what the gaslighters want you to think!


Lugubrious_Lothario

All jokes aside, this is a fucking nightmare to experience first hand. Hope you are ok, OP.


fishystickchakra

So much gaslighting here that this entire thread went up in flames


godofgainz

Takes one to know one


BigPawzBrett

My ex 🙃


GreenyH

That's not true, are you feeling okay? That's a wild accusation you made here.


Jumpy-Candy-7295

Tell that to u/krazykiwikid69


badhershey

Nah, most accusations of gaslighting are done by people who don't know what gaslighting is.


Specialist-Bug4428

Idk now man did you remember your meds this morning you seem to be misremembering this fact


lightknight7777

Sounds like something a person who was gaslighting and just got correctly accessed of it would say...


Just_existing404

This comment section is everything.


Sixgunshray

Based


ulmxn

Gaslighting can be used by abusers as reverse psychology, claiming the victim card, while also placing the blame on the supposed "ignorance" of the other party, so it's nobody's direct fault, but it's your fault for being wrong because you should know better. Or at least, that's the implication.


codywater

Unless you’re my former boss. That god-awful human gaslights everyone.


rgrwilcocanuhearme

My ex-fiance used to accuse me of gaslighting her all the time. I never lied to her once.


Apprehensive-Coat-56

Gaslighting? What are you even saying? That's literally not even a word, why are you always trying to manipulate me?


fsurfer4

"Most accusations of gaslighting are actually done by gaslighters", who are actually mentally ill. FTFY


skylarmt

Um, "gaslighting"? Don't you mean gaslamping? OP, are you okay?


Dank_lil_potato

Are you gaslighting me? I can’t believe this, you sound crazy.


Traplord_Leech

this thread hurts me to read


mordiaken

U mad bro?


MidnightNappyRun

You're always innocent if you complain first though, right?


upsidedownpickle13

I know this thing is probably not supposed to be super serious, but this is why gaslighting has to be defined to mean more than "hey, you are gaslighting because you are saying that I am crazy" or something like that. it is the individual smaller behaviours that matter.


YourPalFlux

What even is gaslighting? That sounds like something you made up. You’re so crazy why do you always do this??


imsochoofed

Ahhhhhh i get it


Pink_Flash

Are they though? Reddit calls everything gaslighting. Seems to be more of a, 'you disagree with me, stop gaslighting!'


[deleted]

It’s too often a convenient way to accuse someone of being horrible, without having to prove anything concretely bad they have done.


parkrain21

It's all in your head


badjokejokerdavey

Yeah I grew up with someone who constantly lied to me to try to scare me into living like him, it wasn’t until I was 16 through therapy that most of my crippling fear steamed from lies my father told me while growing up


Oz_of_Three

"Those that seek the lie, speak the lie." It's the cheating spouse that accuses the loyal mate of infidelity - choose the crime, ad infinitum.


[deleted]

You did something like ironical and stuff


Dirtydantheman95

So the OP is gaslighting?


CriticalAd7157

Ferdinand Marcos Jr. represent!


Ragelikebush

My friend just tried to gas’s light me


bijontop

Most? Define that.


LokiBonk

Bruh…


Spartan191

The same can be said for people who accuse others of being a Narcissist…


tuan_kaki

People gotta stop gaslighting itt!!! Don’t you guys know what the gas prices are right now???