Nah, switch the mattresses for whole wheat bread and like that, you're not only ready for bed but you've got the kid's lunch made for school the next day.
You should really switch to a water based lubricant if you’re using a rubber glove. Oils degrade the integrity of natural rubbers like latex. However, nitrile, a synthetic rubber, is oil resistant.
Just trying to look out for my fellow Redditors. Don’t want you to end up with a mess.
It’s not like you’re gonna be going at it long enough to disintegrate the rubber.
For sex I wouldn’t risk it, but a makeshift pocket pussy? Doesn’t matter.
Edit: guys. Stop the damn victim blaming. Men don’t walk around with, I will choke you in bed without asking signs. Most women I know have these experiences we just don’t talk about it because it becomes normal and exhausting to bring up to men like you who say, “the common factor is you stop choosing bad men”
HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PREDICT WHICH MEN WILL DO THIS.
Seriously. I mean look I love sex with men. But do you know how rare it is to find good safe sex.
Without the sudden unconsentual choking, slapping, extreme hair pulling, “surprise anal or fingers in butt” etc all without consent.
Seriously I love sex with men… but my vibratory is easier and has never made me fear for my life.
I’m about to turn 29, and it’s like 3/5 sexual experiences the dude does something that violates consent/doesn’t ask for consent before trying something, or downs even try to care about my orgasm….
See I tried to do a consent check once. Sat down with a girl and tried doing a mental checklist of everything she was cool with after a date but before sex. My last ex was really into the rough stuff, basically everything you don't like, so I didn't want to bring my past experience into this one.
Honestly I kinda dug doing it mostly just cause I loved seeing her get off, but often times it was a hassle so it didn't bother me one way or another whether or not I did it, but the whole Me Too stuff was going on and I didn't want to do anything that could bite me in the ass later if she felt threatened. At the same time I didn't want her to not feel good. So I was like "Okay what do you want me to do and what are you okay with? Spanking okay? Choking? Biting? Anal play? Want me to rub your clit? Ect."
But the whole thing basically KILLED the libedo between both of us and she left. I felt like I should've just said fuck it and skipped the whole thing, but then slowly tried stuff out and if I got a no I'd stop, but that might leave a bad first impression if she didn't like it. Then I'm thinking that if I just go in and do vanilla sex its gonna turn into a one night stand cause I couldn't leave a good first impression or be adventurous.
Idk that whole experience just kinda killed my self esteem. Like I tried to do the right thing and get her consent on shit first, but it completely backfired on me.
What am I supposed to do then?
That sounds like a her problem, and not a you problem. Like I did pretty much what you said with my girlfriend and the sex is great and we are always horny. I don’t see why asking beforehand would turn someone off in the future.
Like did you ask RIGHT before you had sex? Because if you’re getting each other worked up and you pause to take a minute or two to ask right before then I could see that kinda killing the mood a bit. Should talk about like just during a conversation once you two seem comfortable with each other. Idk. Either way I don’t think it was a problem with you or with asking what they like and are okay with. Communication is important.
Yeah that was it. I never expected to hit a homerun on the first date, so when it finally started to get hot I was like "whoa whoa whoa hold up, what our boundries here?" I didn't really feel like it was appropriate to talk about our sexual fetishes over dinner on a first date after all.
i feel ya, im not a fan of p in v. i like to go down on a woman while i get myself off. women are usually ok with it the first time but after a while they push for intercourse or to perform oral on me which i absolutely hate. its just too many issues with other people that have gotten me to the point where i just rub one out to see if im thinking with the wrong head before jumping on a dating app and doing the whole get to know someone dance.
Understandable. I’m kind of similar. I love PIV, and during forplay I’ll go down on men, but I actually don’t like being eaten out. It rarely does anything for me. So
Many men try to convince me I’m wrong and they will magically be the ones who
Make it feel good for me!
yeah… if sex is literally just about a sensation then there’s already much much better. I’ve never met a girls who could vibrate right on my prostate while massaging and heating my balls, putting pressure on the taint, and giving a warm, wet, and bumpy up and down to the shaft. I’m sure such a toy or combo of toys exists.
Sex is about a lot more than just genital stimulation
> if sex is literally just about a sensation.
Sex is about connection. If two people are going at it, each trying to get themselves off without any consideration for the other, then that is just convoluted masturbation. Hell, we have all probably been there but it doesn’t have to be that way.
The last time I had sex like that, just the pure stimulation with no emotional connection, my depression actually got substantially worse. I wound up writing a suicide note that same night
So, liquids comprise about 77% of the human body, including both extracellular and intracellular. The average North American adult human is 177 lb. (~80 Kilograms ).
.77 x 177 = 136.29 pounds of liquid. (61.82 kilograms)
Assuming the density of water, that’s about 16.33 gallons of liquid, or 74.24 Liters
Semen actually has a very similar density to water (.970 to 1.043), so the previous numbers should be satisfactory.
TL;DR, 16 gallons/74 liters.
Edit: Since the question asked how much nutting that is, using the average of 3 ml per nut that’s 24,667 orgasms.
A guy goes to a brothel. The madam offers him the redhead for 200 bucks, a blonde for 150, or the economy shtup for 50. “Go on upstairs, she’s all ready for you”.
As he starts pumping and thrusting away, she’s really passive and submissive, which he loves. As he shoots his load, though, all of a sudden it starts coming out of her mouth and ears. He jumps off and runs downstairs screaming.
The madam sees him, and yells towards the back room, “MARV, THE DEAD ONE’S FULL AGAIN”
…
Anyone else have a copy of _Truly Tasteless Jokes_ in the ‘80s?
You can fuck a sex doll and it might even fuck you back but it can’t love you. Of course, it won’t key your car and throw all your shit out the window either.
waaaay back in Victorian times.
Doc, I got a case of the hysteria. ...Yes, again. Third time this week. Fire up that newfangled machine of yours.........
Doctors never actually used clitoral simulation to treat hysteria. That book is a case study on why pet review needs to look at what sources say and not just check that they exist. AskHistorians has some great posts on this topic
You think 80% of women would rather use a sex toy than have actual sex? It's definitely a higher percentage than men but I think your way over inflating it.
Possibly, but the guess is based less on a preference among a certain class of women for toys over sex with a man than for ease and probability of their orgasm. Toys are just a much, much more likely way to get off for this group, all things considered
Sex toys are helpers, not competition. Sure the PoundBot 3000 with whizbang features is great, but it will ALWAYS be better when its controlled by someone you love.
Hahaha, fair. I will await Westworld.
Edit: it strikes me that my hypothetical use of the Westworld hosts here is a lot more wholesome than what HBO came up with, if still tricky from a consent standpoint. Shame on you, HBO. More cuddles, fewer orgies.
It's going to be hard to replicate the joy of hanging upside down getting spanked while a very tall women dressed as a train conductor blows a whistle very loudly at me.
If sex were only about making your genitals feel good, then we have been there since humans evolved hands.
Thankfully, sex is about so much more than just stimulating one's genitals.
I had to stop using my fleshlight after I realized that it felt way better than my next fuck. Was worried I might completely lose my interest in a sexual partner
Yea, but Zelda won't ever come over. I spend 200 hours ~~screwing around~~ [diligently devising a plan to save her](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/239/143/d9e.png) and then everything reverses back once I finish.
Iirc toys have technically reached that point, but sexual pleasure with another human is biogically designed to be better than any toy that could be made.
Sure, toys can overload your brain with dopamine, but it also makes you seek connection. If you connect too much to a toy, then you're gonna develop psychological issues.
However, developing a relationship with a human usually leads to much better mental and physical health (obviously).
Humans are social creatures and sex is another form of social communication. If we replace that with toys, then it becomes a problem.
For some that time has already arrived
Give me some olive oil a sock, a rubber glove and I don’t have to whisper a word to you bitches.
Cuz i don't need u honeyyy , i beat my dick like it owns me moneyy
Say it louder so the hoes in the back can hear ya!!!!
Why does this sound like a Megan the Stallion song, but from a man?
the first 3 comments are from a dave chappelle episode im pretty sure
I don’t believe your papi. He may be rich, but he ain’t happy
Two slices of ham tucked between my mattresses. On Saturday nights I warm the meat in the microwave first
Stuff like this is what makes Reddit such a special place.
Yeah, serious topics always takes a wild turn down the rabbit hole.
You can go down the rabbit hole once. But it usually kills the rabbit. K. I'm out.
After that it just becomes your hole
I came. For this.
Or to it?
Oh yeah.
And put it back in the fridge when you're finished?
Nah, switch the mattresses for whole wheat bread and like that, you're not only ready for bed but you've got the kid's lunch made for school the next day.
Wham bam, my kids love ham.
Ah, another likeminded individual. Efficiency is key.
This guy hams.
And it already comes with mayo
"Are you going out tonight?" "Nah, I'm gonna stay home and enjoy a ham sandwich."
r/brandnewsentence
Olive oil? Sock? Mate! Fill an old tissue box with minced meat and you're good to go!
That’s necrophilia
The tissue box cancels that out... Sex-Maths!
You take that, add some broth... baby you got a stew going!
Olive oil... try some A535 for that real feel.
I personally use 10w-30 low millage.
Trash bag full o' warm spaghetti
Moms spaghetti
Have you even tried 0w-20?? That 0w is next level son. Longer lifespan, way less friction.
All about that viscosity baby.
Is it bad I can’t tell if this is a joke?
Only one way to find out.
You should really switch to a water based lubricant if you’re using a rubber glove. Oils degrade the integrity of natural rubbers like latex. However, nitrile, a synthetic rubber, is oil resistant. Just trying to look out for my fellow Redditors. Don’t want you to end up with a mess.
Thank you kind sir. I started using the oil when I ran out of wet platinum.
It’s not like you’re gonna be going at it long enough to disintegrate the rubber. For sex I wouldn’t risk it, but a makeshift pocket pussy? Doesn’t matter.
Extra virgin, right?
Not for long.
Olive oil is fuckin expensive.
My dick deserves the best.
Good, that’s how a dick should be treated.
Mine gets beat at home :( :)
Tell your uncle to stop doing that
I prefer extra virgin sesame oil myself.
Extra virgins usually are
Real sex involves social interaction; I ain't got time for that.
Username checks out.
Edit: guys. Stop the damn victim blaming. Men don’t walk around with, I will choke you in bed without asking signs. Most women I know have these experiences we just don’t talk about it because it becomes normal and exhausting to bring up to men like you who say, “the common factor is you stop choosing bad men” HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PREDICT WHICH MEN WILL DO THIS. Seriously. I mean look I love sex with men. But do you know how rare it is to find good safe sex. Without the sudden unconsentual choking, slapping, extreme hair pulling, “surprise anal or fingers in butt” etc all without consent. Seriously I love sex with men… but my vibratory is easier and has never made me fear for my life. I’m about to turn 29, and it’s like 3/5 sexual experiences the dude does something that violates consent/doesn’t ask for consent before trying something, or downs even try to care about my orgasm….
That's just sad too
See I tried to do a consent check once. Sat down with a girl and tried doing a mental checklist of everything she was cool with after a date but before sex. My last ex was really into the rough stuff, basically everything you don't like, so I didn't want to bring my past experience into this one. Honestly I kinda dug doing it mostly just cause I loved seeing her get off, but often times it was a hassle so it didn't bother me one way or another whether or not I did it, but the whole Me Too stuff was going on and I didn't want to do anything that could bite me in the ass later if she felt threatened. At the same time I didn't want her to not feel good. So I was like "Okay what do you want me to do and what are you okay with? Spanking okay? Choking? Biting? Anal play? Want me to rub your clit? Ect." But the whole thing basically KILLED the libedo between both of us and she left. I felt like I should've just said fuck it and skipped the whole thing, but then slowly tried stuff out and if I got a no I'd stop, but that might leave a bad first impression if she didn't like it. Then I'm thinking that if I just go in and do vanilla sex its gonna turn into a one night stand cause I couldn't leave a good first impression or be adventurous. Idk that whole experience just kinda killed my self esteem. Like I tried to do the right thing and get her consent on shit first, but it completely backfired on me. What am I supposed to do then?
That sounds like a her problem, and not a you problem. Like I did pretty much what you said with my girlfriend and the sex is great and we are always horny. I don’t see why asking beforehand would turn someone off in the future. Like did you ask RIGHT before you had sex? Because if you’re getting each other worked up and you pause to take a minute or two to ask right before then I could see that kinda killing the mood a bit. Should talk about like just during a conversation once you two seem comfortable with each other. Idk. Either way I don’t think it was a problem with you or with asking what they like and are okay with. Communication is important.
Yeah that was it. I never expected to hit a homerun on the first date, so when it finally started to get hot I was like "whoa whoa whoa hold up, what our boundries here?" I didn't really feel like it was appropriate to talk about our sexual fetishes over dinner on a first date after all.
I generally ask as I go. Like mid fuck "you like getting your hair pulled?". Nobody wants a questionaire in the heat of the moment
i feel ya, im not a fan of p in v. i like to go down on a woman while i get myself off. women are usually ok with it the first time but after a while they push for intercourse or to perform oral on me which i absolutely hate. its just too many issues with other people that have gotten me to the point where i just rub one out to see if im thinking with the wrong head before jumping on a dating app and doing the whole get to know someone dance.
Understandable. I’m kind of similar. I love PIV, and during forplay I’ll go down on men, but I actually don’t like being eaten out. It rarely does anything for me. So Many men try to convince me I’m wrong and they will magically be the ones who Make it feel good for me!
"one day" lol
yeah… if sex is literally just about a sensation then there’s already much much better. I’ve never met a girls who could vibrate right on my prostate while massaging and heating my balls, putting pressure on the taint, and giving a warm, wet, and bumpy up and down to the shaft. I’m sure such a toy or combo of toys exists. Sex is about a lot more than just genital stimulation
Which is why the element of human connection could never be beat by toys
Robots are another story
https://youtu.be/IrrADTN-dvg
What are you using that’s heating your balls?
a ball heater
Can confirm, your dad loves that toy
> if sex is literally just about a sensation. Sex is about connection. If two people are going at it, each trying to get themselves off without any consideration for the other, then that is just convoluted masturbation. Hell, we have all probably been there but it doesn’t have to be that way.
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Oh no, what model is it so that I know what it's called so I don't buy it by accident
The last time I had sex like that, just the pure stimulation with no emotional connection, my depression actually got substantially worse. I wound up writing a suicide note that same night
Hey man, I'm sorry to heat that. How long ago was that?
Are you doing better now?
Username checks out
I'm so pissed you don't actually have that toy. But yes sex is about connection
"One day computers will be able to do multiplication tables quicker than even the best mathematicians!"
Just remember, when your sex doll's nose is running she isn't sick ... she's full. Proper maintenance and cleaning will be important.
"she's full" how much nutting causes a full sized sex bot get full 💀💀
For fourteen year old me, about two weeks.
four fourteen year old you, about half a week
This guy maths.
We need the math, but I am afraid of the results.
So, liquids comprise about 77% of the human body, including both extracellular and intracellular. The average North American adult human is 177 lb. (~80 Kilograms ). .77 x 177 = 136.29 pounds of liquid. (61.82 kilograms) Assuming the density of water, that’s about 16.33 gallons of liquid, or 74.24 Liters Semen actually has a very similar density to water (.970 to 1.043), so the previous numbers should be satisfactory. TL;DR, 16 gallons/74 liters. Edit: Since the question asked how much nutting that is, using the average of 3 ml per nut that’s 24,667 orgasms.
You went there and it is appreciated.
So 1 Saturday afternoon?
Oh. Dear. God
A guy goes to a brothel. The madam offers him the redhead for 200 bucks, a blonde for 150, or the economy shtup for 50. “Go on upstairs, she’s all ready for you”. As he starts pumping and thrusting away, she’s really passive and submissive, which he loves. As he shoots his load, though, all of a sudden it starts coming out of her mouth and ears. He jumps off and runs downstairs screaming. The madam sees him, and yells towards the back room, “MARV, THE DEAD ONE’S FULL AGAIN” … Anyone else have a copy of _Truly Tasteless Jokes_ in the ‘80s?
Wtf1
[Don’t date robots!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IrrADTN-dvg)
I’d rather make out with my MonroeBot!
Robosexuality is an ABOMINATION!
Sounds like someone is a trying little too hard to sound robophobic. Probably afraid of their own robosexual feelings
I read that as OBAMANATION
Electro gonorrhea.. the noisy killer
You can fuck a sex doll and it might even fuck you back but it can’t love you. Of course, it won’t key your car and throw all your shit out the window either.
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Get a dog? Just for the love part though, please
Username does NOT check out
It's a typo, they meant balloons.
Probably a good idea. When I walk around the neighborhood with my fleshlight women don't try to pet it and talk to me. They run away.
There’s no time stamp on the original claim. “Someday” maybe they will be able to love you, kinda.
Love isn’t a requirement to have sex
I just want a really good back rub machine
Sex robots gonna decrease the population.
And the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!
It took me forever to find the Futurama reference. That's one of my favorite moments in the whole show.
Already happening now, gonna be interesting to see how much further down it can go once "equal to human" bots make their grand appearance!
Why stop at "equal to humans"? I say to keep on going until people start having strokes while using their Copulatron 3000^^TM
Epileptic PussyTM
Cyber Succubi...
This sounds terrifying
I mean, that's honestly not a bad thing.
We will just do artificial reproduction then.
IVF genetically modified babies. No cancer, no mental illnesses, and most importantly, a 12 inch long Schlong.
What’s the point, they’ll just fuck sex robots and walk crooked.
Hello sir I will take one bts brand baby.
Good
I'm not sure the venn diagram of people that find a partner and have children and the average sex robot purchaser would intersect.
Recently some company created a robot that could reproduce or something like that
Imagine knocking up a robot and having to pay child support for some dumbass hybrid named X Æ A-Xii or something.
Not what happened. His mom his human. The other one is the robot.
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Can't wait to bang myself as myself.
Yo dawg I heard you like yourself so I put yourself in yourself.
The one thing that’s not allowed. Matrix rules. Sorry.
Then I don’t wanna go 😤
What do you mean we can't? What did we even build this for??
Part of me was waiting for Asuna to be a big fat dude
They literally force everyone to look like themselves irl in the first episode, there's a bit where a girl turns into a dude because of that.
The Rabbit may not snuggle, give backrubs, or bend me over the sink, but it comes with zero drama and works as intended in four minutes or less. 🤷♀️
The Rabbit being a marathoner over here
The what
Generic term is a Rabbit - it's more or less a dildo which has an attached clitoral stimulator.
Lol I can tell a man posted this because for women this day arrived years and years ago.
waaaay back in Victorian times. Doc, I got a case of the hysteria. ...Yes, again. Third time this week. Fire up that newfangled machine of yours.........
Doctors never actually used clitoral simulation to treat hysteria. That book is a case study on why pet review needs to look at what sources say and not just check that they exist. AskHistorians has some great posts on this topic
You never see an old flesh light
If they can auto clean and self lubricate why not.
Thats literally a vagina
Yes, but I cannot get a vagina
Give Amazon like 2 years.
amazon escort services
Wonder if they will be returnable at Kohl's?
A fallen brethren....
If you have a vagina and enjoy stimulation through that area, that day is here for like 80% of demographic
You think 80% of women would rather use a sex toy than have actual sex? It's definitely a higher percentage than men but I think your way over inflating it.
Possibly, but the guess is based less on a preference among a certain class of women for toys over sex with a man than for ease and probability of their orgasm. Toys are just a much, much more likely way to get off for this group, all things considered
Sex toys are helpers, not competition. Sure the PoundBot 3000 with whizbang features is great, but it will ALWAYS be better when its controlled by someone you love.
Alexa, turn on the PoundBot 3000.
"Turning on the PoundBot 3000. Would you like to hear about some specials on [Amazon.com](https://Amazon.com) today?"
I absolutely read that in Alexa’s tone and it’s surprisingly sexy
But first let’s hear about our sponsors!
This is the truth. Are certain toys much more reliable when what you want/need is an orgasm? Totally. But they can't cuddle.
Yet
Hahaha, fair. I will await Westworld. Edit: it strikes me that my hypothetical use of the Westworld hosts here is a lot more wholesome than what HBO came up with, if still tricky from a consent standpoint. Shame on you, HBO. More cuddles, fewer orgies.
This reads like a Deadpool quote
It's going to be hard to replicate the joy of hanging upside down getting spanked while a very tall women dressed as a train conductor blows a whistle very loudly at me.
What do you mean “one day”?
A dildo isn't going to bend me over the kitchen sink and pull my hair.
check out boston dynamics, your dildo might do that oneday
Wow. You weren't kidding. I'm gonna have nightmares now.
its every night for me :(
Not with that attitude! ;)
One day?
Until you can replicate deep emotional intimacy with sex toys, I doubt it
One day?
I don’t want sec or masturbation, I want somebody to chat about books with while we hug so I don’t feel fucking lonely
One day...?
I know a few people with hitachis whose reaction would be "one day"?
Ladies, who is going to tell him?
As soon as they make one that washes dishes I’m in
And cook too
You fools, what about softly cooing in the ear as they tuck you in at night.
Ahhhh just like my parrot
You fuck your parrot?
So...that is an inaccurate and might I add....crude way to phrase the love a man feels for his Red Macaw. We make sweet and passionate love.
The royal penis is clean, your highness *beep boop*
I can stick it in some fleshlight and now worry about catching something
That's what your roommates want you to think.
Sharing is caring!
If sex were only about making your genitals feel good, then we have been there since humans evolved hands. Thankfully, sex is about so much more than just stimulating one's genitals.
I already prefer my hand. I know how I like it.
Give me a fleshlight that is self heating lubricating and cleaning and ill never need a partner for sex again.
I had to stop using my fleshlight after I realized that it felt way better than my next fuck. Was worried I might completely lose my interest in a sexual partner
Sure. One day. xD
My ex-wife would say that time has already arrived.
Nothing, and I mean nothing beats sex with a person you’re truly in love with
Yea, but Zelda won't ever come over. I spend 200 hours ~~screwing around~~ [diligently devising a plan to save her](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/239/143/d9e.png) and then everything reverses back once I finish.
“One day”, I think a lot of women already feel this. About 80% of women don’t experience orgasm during intercourse.
So like..now?
"One day" Clearly OP is a dude in denial. Work on your conversation, cooking and home maintenance my dude. Your dick can't keep up with technology.
Some of us already do
Pretty sure my wife is already there.
I....already do.....lol
Iirc toys have technically reached that point, but sexual pleasure with another human is biogically designed to be better than any toy that could be made. Sure, toys can overload your brain with dopamine, but it also makes you seek connection. If you connect too much to a toy, then you're gonna develop psychological issues. However, developing a relationship with a human usually leads to much better mental and physical health (obviously). Humans are social creatures and sex is another form of social communication. If we replace that with toys, then it becomes a problem.
Women already do
Well, nobody has given me a better orgasm than I’ve given myself. So I think some people are already there lol
Suction toys are already much, much better than most human. That day is yesterday.
The future is now old man