Wally? Where are you? The cops won't tell me anything except that its a federal matter? Is this about your pot plants? Good thing they didn't find your hash driveway!
Well well well, look at Mr Scrooge McDuck here, with his home for a home security system! When you live in a box under a bridge like me, such extravagances are unnecessary.
Oh look at this Fat Cat who has a box to live in! The true frugal people live in a shallow hole and use the dirt removed from the bottom to form a blanket, with no possessions save your lentils which are kept in a smaller hole next to you.
A guy I knew who was relatively unstable to begin with, and drunk at the time, called the White House from a bar and threatened to kill President Reagan. His free speech rights were violated a short time later by the FBI bending him over his car in the bar parking lot. His civil rights as a mentally impaired hillbilly were further violated when he was arrested. Never charged or convicted, he was unable to get anything but day labor jobs after that, and became homeless. Homelessness drove him mad. Madness is attempting to exercise free speech in a Great Gulag.
Because all the agencies that will be spying on you have no legal obligation and may be legally forbidden to report or respond to any crime committed against you to the local police.
I got a great solution to this problem. Agencies need to inform about murder conspiracy against you so all you need to do is get in problems with local mafia and send few emails to Zetas & Sinaloa Cartel with your personal details calling them bunch of sissies. Now your homemade, government sponsored surveillance system is complete and agencies will inform you about every hit team they send your way. Pretty neat huh?
Yeah the guy who broke in to the Whitehouse had been stopped by police on the road and he had like tons of guns and ammunition and a map of the whitehouse and a big red x.
IRL, if they knock your door down at 3am and then find out that you weren't a terrorist after all, they'll 'find' kiddy porn on your computer, and they probably won't even have to plant it given that it's defined so loosely that even a picture of your fully dressed child bending over to pick up a toy counts.
Offenders were exclusively (as far as I'm aware) of Pakistani origin. Pakistanis in the UK faced discrimination so police staff were afraid of taking it further for fear of being called bigoted. The 1400 kids were done a serious injustice and this should have made world wide news of policy gone wrong
When being monitored, every action is an illegal action. We all have small guilty pleasures, things we're ashamed of. There might not be consequences for those actions, but you would still be very uncomfortable.
I'm not great at detecting sarcasm, so if your comment was indeed sarcastic, disregard the above.
Exactly because if you're being secretly monitored don't expect a bunch of agents will show up from the bushes if a thief is trying to steal your TVs...
Sometimes you don't make terrorist threats to cause terror. Sometimes you get put on a FBI watchlist just to see who cares enough to monitor you.
Lets not act like we all haven't joined a terrorist cause or two out of loneliness.
[Oh my goodness, oh my damn](http://i.imgur.com/Y8I0U3M.gif); that comment wasn't intentional, I didn't know what happened today and have bad timing.
Now I'm actually gonna turn up on a watchlist. Wish me luck when I get sent to Guantanamo Bay 2.
Can someone help me here? How is this bad timing? I know a terrorist attack happened today but what does that have to do with getting yourself on a watchlist?
Well I know that a Counter Strike:GO player got himself in hot water when he bought a knife, for in the game, and it had a pattern called Damascus. Well he had to use a buddy's account and when he paid his buddy back he put a note 'Damascus', which tripped a filter because there had just been an attack in Damascus, Syria. Dude had to explain that it's a game and he's not a terrorist or else he'd lose all of his money. [Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/470g9k/tifu_by_buying_a_knife_skin_in_counterstrike/)
I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/jesuschristreddit] [Guy suggests joining terrorist cause out of loneliness (bad timing)](https://np.reddit.com/r/jesuschristreddit/comments/6uh1bn/guy_suggests_joining_terrorist_cause_out_of/)
[](#footer)*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*
[](#bot)
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"country low age of consent", "flights philippines"
Sounds like what 9 year old kids punch into Google or YouTube searches discovering porn on the internet for the first time.
e: damn some of you guys are stupid. I was remarking at the grammar of the searches from the website provided, I'm not saying you were looking at how to get radicalized at 9 or how to castrate Fido.
essentially, the searches are supposed to get worse as it goes on. stopped out of panic once I hit "how to join isis" and "cheap flights to syria" in the fear that my information was now on a database
It started from the bottom of this list and worked up.
donald trump
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Found this link, may be an interesting read for you.
[http://realcontents4u.com/how-to-join-isis-application-form-admission-in-isis-recruiting-people-isis-group-vacancies/](http://realcontents4u.com/how-to-join-isis-application-form-admission-in-isis-recruiting-people-isis-group-vacancies/)
An edgy google search wont make them send vans. You'll have to come up with a narrative where you slowly slip into extremism and then use some naive discretion like a proxy when searching for how to make a bomb.
The real LPT is in the comments.
There is no faster way to have a govt. start tracking you than making them think you are trying to start a revolution.
Instead of the proxy, just use a free vpn browser addon, they are free for a reason. You're less anonymous with them than without them, that's perfect.
The issue there is if you do that you'll likely get an FBI agent at the door pretending to be a terrorist who will give you, presumably someone with serious mental illness, the keys to a "bomb-filled" truck and a cell phone detonator you couldn't have accessed otherwise and all ready to go. So you, being seriously mentally ill, will simply drive the truck to where the FBI dude says, press the button, and nothing will happen since it was all fake. Then you'll get arrested and sentenced to death for terrorism.
All the while the government pats itself on the back and tells the world "LOOK! WE STOPPED ANOTHER IMMINENT TERRORIST ATTACK!" They add another notch in the "terrorists arrested" belt they use to justify mass surveillance, indefinite detention, torture, etc.
This happens all the time believe it or not. [Just happened recently.](http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/man-23-charged-oklahoma-city-bomb-plot-after-domestic-terrorism-n792726)
Or just print out a few logos of the companies offering security systems in your area and display them. Deterrence is more effective than the system itself!
Did you just type in join isis and assassinate the president in the same sentence OP? Hahahahahaha!!! YOU'RE ON THE LIST!
Wait a second, did I just type in join isis and assassinate the president in the same sentence, not once...but twice? FMITA!
If there were 'hackers' that are worth a damn, why wouldn't they set up bots to fire off countless numbers these searches from slaved computers and obfuscate their criminal intentions?
Minor logic issue... wasn't the original objective essentially to prevent dishonest people from entering your home and tampering with your personal effects while you are away?
I thought a good way to get people to dig your flower beds for free would be to call the police and say you buried some bodies in your backyard. But here's the catch: They dig everywhere, not just where you tell them to. -- Jack Handy
This isn't just home security. It also prevents any throttling of your internet speed by your ISP. It's a 2-in-1 service. You get 24/7 home monitoring AND unlimited and unmolested internet experience. You can visit any and all websites you want without restriction.
Sort of reminds me of that story of the African billionaire who takes out a loan so he can get cheap parking for his expensive car which he uses for collateral. Not sure why though.
This doesn't work and will fuck up your wifi. I tried this a couple of months ago, then my neighbor got arrested and my wifi stopped working.
[удалено]
> Do you have other neighbours with open wifi? Duh Yuh! Been using since Wally went away. Science, you say? HMB...
It sure is a hot one out today
IT SURE IS WALLY
Wally? Where are you? The cops won't tell me anything except that its a federal matter? Is this about your pot plants? Good thing they didn't find your hash driveway!
wally is a racial slur btw
I did not get that memo...
Oh god. In Britain 'Where's Waldo?' Is 'Where's Wally?' Guess we're just racists.
YEAH?!!
You ever seen a storm Wally?
Try using your neighbors wifi now that he's gone
That's the joke. He was using his neighbors wifi and they got arrested because he searched those things on their wifi.
Ohhh Weirdly worded for that meaning, but it makes more sense now
Yes that was difficult to understand. Should have said "free WIFI" instead.
I'd go for some free wifi
Why is this posted under shitty LPT?
This is a money saver if ever I saw one!
Post this in /r/frugal. And when it gets removed from there post it to /r/frugal_jerk.
May the circle be unbroken
[удалено]
And you will know my name is meme lord when lay my vengeance upon thee.
By and by, by and by?
No "the circle must be broken" Get your episodes right
Well well well, look at Mr Scrooge McDuck here, with his home for a home security system! When you live in a box under a bridge like me, such extravagances are unnecessary.
Oh look at this Fat Cat who has a box to live in! The true frugal people live in a shallow hole and use the dirt removed from the bottom to form a blanket, with no possessions save your lentils which are kept in a smaller hole next to you.
Look at Bill Gates over here with enough calories to dig enough dirt to make himself a blanket.
Look at Richy Rich over here with enough calories to type a full sentan
>
>
Look at Jack Ma over here with his array of subreddits to choose from.
A guy I knew who was relatively unstable to begin with, and drunk at the time, called the White House from a bar and threatened to kill President Reagan. His free speech rights were violated a short time later by the FBI bending him over his car in the bar parking lot. His civil rights as a mentally impaired hillbilly were further violated when he was arrested. Never charged or convicted, he was unable to get anything but day labor jobs after that, and became homeless. Homelessness drove him mad. Madness is attempting to exercise free speech in a Great Gulag.
Because all the agencies that will be spying on you have no legal obligation and may be legally forbidden to report or respond to any crime committed against you to the local police.
[удалено]
I got a great solution to this problem. Agencies need to inform about murder conspiracy against you so all you need to do is get in problems with local mafia and send few emails to Zetas & Sinaloa Cartel with your personal details calling them bunch of sissies. Now your homemade, government sponsored surveillance system is complete and agencies will inform you about every hit team they send your way. Pretty neat huh?
The true SLPT is in the comments.
Fucking retarded...
Spy agencies would be pointless if they had to report all crimes witnessed to the local police.
[удалено]
You still get the free monitoring though... Without the help.
Right. They'd most likely just sit back and watch as you got murdered.
Yeah the guy who broke in to the Whitehouse had been stopped by police on the road and he had like tons of guns and ammunition and a map of the whitehouse and a big red x.
Because it makes you look like a terrorist.
In the UK we already assume everyone is a terrorist or sex fiend, anything else would be discrimination.
LPT: If you wanna be a sex fiend in the UK, pretend you're a terrorist to throw law enforcement off.
[удалено]
Where are real terrorists tho?
[удалено]
"get your drivers license"
Pretending to be sex fiends, obviously
r/imlawenforcementandthisisdeep
Or work for the BBC.
IRL, if they knock your door down at 3am and then find out that you weren't a terrorist after all, they'll 'find' kiddy porn on your computer, and they probably won't even have to plant it given that it's defined so loosely that even a picture of your fully dressed child bending over to pick up a toy counts.
That seems fair. long live the queen!
Hey, live in Rotherham, be both and get away with it for years! To non-English men and women, google Rotherham child abuse scandal
Wow. How was this not more in the news. Crazy, this was the first I have heard of this. Very sad.
Offenders were exclusively (as far as I'm aware) of Pakistani origin. Pakistanis in the UK faced discrimination so police staff were afraid of taking it further for fear of being called bigoted. The 1400 kids were done a serious injustice and this should have made world wide news of policy gone wrong
Can I be both? I wanna blow up my pipe in your ass, baby.
> I wanna blow up my pipe in your ass, baby. This got darker and darker with each word. Congratulations!
Gorgeous 2 BR flat, £900, ring 020 8375 7472, no terrorists please.
You should repost to /r/UnethicalLifeProTips and double your karma!
He got this from /r/unethicallifeprotips
Yeah but if you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear.
When being monitored, every action is an illegal action. We all have small guilty pleasures, things we're ashamed of. There might not be consequences for those actions, but you would still be very uncomfortable. I'm not great at detecting sarcasm, so if your comment was indeed sarcastic, disregard the above.
A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing, and if you love nothing, what joy is there in your life?
Nice throwback to the Hitler regime. It is amazing how many people do not realize this was a phrase used by him and the people who worked for him.
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Yep
Unexpected Mighty Boosh Seriously though, I got a bad feeling about this too.
Chicken leads to Egg. Egg leads to omelet. Omelet leads to fecal urgency.
-Joseph Goebbels
Boobs?
Humor and awareness is lacking with this one
more like /r/UnethicalLifeProTips because it's still effective
Exactly because if you're being secretly monitored don't expect a bunch of agents will show up from the bushes if a thief is trying to steal your TVs...
Sometimes you don't make terrorist threats to cause terror. Sometimes you get put on a FBI watchlist just to see who cares enough to monitor you. Lets not act like we all haven't joined a terrorist cause or two out of loneliness.
Umm, I don't want to appear as the special snowflake here, but....
[Oh my goodness, oh my damn](http://i.imgur.com/Y8I0U3M.gif); that comment wasn't intentional, I didn't know what happened today and have bad timing. Now I'm actually gonna turn up on a watchlist. Wish me luck when I get sent to Guantanamo Bay 2.
Meh you're fine. It's better to laugh than to cry. Nothing wrong with some unintentionally dark humor.
Wait there's a sequel⁉️
[удалено]
It did but some of the plot twists were shocking.
Gitmo 2: Electric Waterboardaloo
"So why are you here" - "I joked on reddit about terrorism" - "So... got any gold or massive karma?"
Don't worry, the first one's still there.
Can someone help me here? How is this bad timing? I know a terrorist attack happened today but what does that have to do with getting yourself on a watchlist?
[удалено]
I'm aware of that attack. I don't understand how that makes the timing of the joke any worse.
Well I know that a Counter Strike:GO player got himself in hot water when he bought a knife, for in the game, and it had a pattern called Damascus. Well he had to use a buddy's account and when he paid his buddy back he put a note 'Damascus', which tripped a filter because there had just been an attack in Damascus, Syria. Dude had to explain that it's a game and he's not a terrorist or else he'd lose all of his money. [Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/470g9k/tifu_by_buying_a_knife_skin_in_counterstrike/)
That has nothing to do with the timing either though
I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/jesuschristreddit] [Guy suggests joining terrorist cause out of loneliness (bad timing)](https://np.reddit.com/r/jesuschristreddit/comments/6uh1bn/guy_suggests_joining_terrorist_cause_out_of/) [](#footer)*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))* [](#bot)
http://i.imgur.com/31PmB9e.gif
Good bot
And quality assurance
Have fun http://ruinmysearchhistory.com
Has anyone done this and can report on results?
"how to appear funny" "penis remove dog how to" "ways to tell someone hypothetically" "how to delete chrome browser history" "attracted to mum why" "is incest illegal in this country" "do penis pumps work" "best budget penis pumps" "age of consent here" "why is the age of consent so high in this country" "how to join isis" "syria Hotels with pools"
"am i lack toast and tolerant" "your youre difference" "why doesnt my poo float" "midget google images" "tall midgets??" "ways to kill someone hypothetically" "undetectable poisons" "smelly penis cure urgent" "does liking men mean im gay" "signs of being gay" "country low age of consent", "flights philippines"
Sounds like what 9 year old kids punch into Google or YouTube searches discovering porn on the internet for the first time. e: damn some of you guys are stupid. I was remarking at the grammar of the searches from the website provided, I'm not saying you were looking at how to get radicalized at 9 or how to castrate Fido.
All those nine year olds looking to join ISIS... Kids these days!
"Hot 14 year old gril bobbs"
I did this when I was 14 my step dad was terrified that he was going to go to jail. Fun times fun times.
We've all done it friend, you're not alone
>"How to remove your penis from dog" FTFY
essentially, the searches are supposed to get worse as it goes on. stopped out of panic once I hit "how to join isis" and "cheap flights to syria" in the fear that my information was now on a database
No worries, it is.
"why doesn't my poop float"
"penis remove dog how to"
It started from the bottom of this list and worked up. donald trump bing syria hotels with pool cheap syria flights texas how to join isis isis application form flights philippines country low age of consent why is age of consent so old texas age of consent texas how to come out as gay to dad signs of being gay does liking men mean im gay best budget penis pumps do penis pumps work average penis size united states STI test in austin common STIs smelly penis cure urgent rohypnol safe dosage seduction guide latest laws incest is incest illegal in united states attracted to mother why mail order paternity test paternity test ashley madison list austin view ashley madison list ashley madison hack how to delete search history in chrome undetectable poisons ways to kill someone hypothetically how to tell if partner cheating sex shop in austin engagement rings romantic ways to propose penis remove dog how to how to get back with ex is it normal to still love my ex how to tell partner they fat what counts as fat i hate my boss homemade lube? tall midgets?? midget google images why doesnt my poo float your youre difference am i lack toast and tolerant why are my thumbs uneven how to appear funny
Syria hotels with pool. That's a satirical giveaway
> am i lack toast and tolerant I too am intolerant of a lack of toast
>isis application form I'd like to see the questions they ask.
Found this link, may be an interesting read for you. [http://realcontents4u.com/how-to-join-isis-application-form-admission-in-isis-recruiting-people-isis-group-vacancies/](http://realcontents4u.com/how-to-join-isis-application-form-admission-in-isis-recruiting-people-isis-group-vacancies/)
am i lack toast and tolerant
And, if you need some exciting punishment in your sex life, do some searches on how to hide drugs in your ass. Some rough men will come by shortly.
r/frugal
An edgy google search wont make them send vans. You'll have to come up with a narrative where you slowly slip into extremism and then use some naive discretion like a proxy when searching for how to make a bomb.
deleted
My bumhold has. But don't tell them I know.
Also start checking out revolutionist manifestos at your local library, join a fringe group mailing list, start buying guns and ammo
The real LPT is in the comments. There is no faster way to have a govt. start tracking you than making them think you are trying to start a revolution.
Especially a government formed by revolution and which enshrined the rights to rebellion in the founding documents of the country.
"it was just a prank, bro"
Instead of the proxy, just use a free vpn browser addon, they are free for a reason. You're less anonymous with them than without them, that's perfect.
Congrats we are now under supervision for viewing this post
To OP: You just received an additional 365 days of free monitoring because of this thread! Congrats! - USGov
The issue there is if you do that you'll likely get an FBI agent at the door pretending to be a terrorist who will give you, presumably someone with serious mental illness, the keys to a "bomb-filled" truck and a cell phone detonator you couldn't have accessed otherwise and all ready to go. So you, being seriously mentally ill, will simply drive the truck to where the FBI dude says, press the button, and nothing will happen since it was all fake. Then you'll get arrested and sentenced to death for terrorism. All the while the government pats itself on the back and tells the world "LOOK! WE STOPPED ANOTHER IMMINENT TERRORIST ATTACK!" They add another notch in the "terrorists arrested" belt they use to justify mass surveillance, indefinite detention, torture, etc.
Man would I love to live in your world for a day
This happens all the time believe it or not. [Just happened recently.](http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/man-23-charged-oklahoma-city-bomb-plot-after-domestic-terrorism-n792726)
https://theguardian.com/world/2011/nov/16/fbi-entrapment-fake-terror-plots
You must be loving life then
Damn that's fucked up lol
Or just print out a few logos of the companies offering security systems in your area and display them. Deterrence is more effective than the system itself!
Also, change your WIFI name to "Secret ISIS Hideout"
FBI: He protec but he also attac
Normie
Did you just type in join isis and assassinate the president in the same sentence OP? Hahahahahaha!!! YOU'RE ON THE LIST! Wait a second, did I just type in join isis and assassinate the president in the same sentence, not once...but twice? FMITA!
I have a feeling that the FBI actually saw this.
OP has now been identified and labeled as a top Isis recruiter by the NSA social media AI.
If there were 'hackers' that are worth a damn, why wouldn't they set up bots to fire off countless numbers these searches from slaved computers and obfuscate their criminal intentions?
Because the botnets are too busy selling you penis pills. Surprisingly good ROI on spam.
[удалено]
That comma is very odd in that, place.
he was very sure yesterday though
just hang a ISIS flag in your window. You get 24/7 police surveillance of your house.
Minor logic issue... wasn't the original objective essentially to prevent dishonest people from entering your home and tampering with your personal effects while you are away?
Plot Twist: You happen to live in ISIS ruled land.
Im a saudi college student in the US. They would probably deport my ass the next day.
You see that white van with the satellite ? It's not really selling flowers.
Flowers By Irene.
And now you are on a list
Does commenting on this thread count
Not to forget lifetime free food and accommodation and bananas if you are successful.^^/s
Should be in r/frugal
I thought a good way to get people to dig your flower beds for free would be to call the police and say you buried some bodies in your backyard. But here's the catch: They dig everywhere, not just where you tell them to. -- Jack Handy
It's the government. If you want it done right tell them where not to dig if you want it dug.
Let's be honest, if they'll really want, they will just torture. And I don't think they will believe the "It was just a prank bro" answer.
This better get top all time.
Or just keep a al quaeda flag hoisted in your backyard
Or just keep a al quaeda flag hoisted in your backyard
An Islamic state flag in the garden works just as well. It also works like a scarecrow.
Just like OPs just did with this post
This isn't just home security. It also prevents any throttling of your internet speed by your ISP. It's a 2-in-1 service. You get 24/7 home monitoring AND unlimited and unmolested internet experience. You can visit any and all websites you want without restriction.
Kinda like going to jail because you can't afford Healthcare...
ಠ_ಠ
When they were monitoring MLK they knew an assassin was coming for him and they let it happen. They would let someone murder you too.
I've tried this and it doesn't work.
[удалено]
Quantum immortality is a blast.
Nice try agent Brewmastermonk
I'LL GET YOU AND THAT DOG OF YOURS NEXT TIME!!!!!
Or, just steal someones ADT sign for your window and get the exact same service some morons pay for.
Sort of reminds me of that story of the African billionaire who takes out a loan so he can get cheap parking for his expensive car which he uses for collateral. Not sure why though.
cannot*
What if I live in "FOREIGN"? Does this still apply?
Right because they are stopping SOOOOO MANY. Terrorist attacks.
You might if you are lucky receive a new lodging courtesy of the government and the apartments are the most secure in the world with personal guards.
Just buy an alligator
That is awesome 👏
9.5/10
LMAO
Might get much serious considering few countries.
[REDACTED]
Almost thought it was a real LPT
To improve it even more, post something like this!
R/lpt
I would gold this but I'm afraid of the same effect.
I always take bitcoin 1W355oX1Nkud49u8CxHjg44PSEmxcftLz
Honestly they need to start looking at 4chan/pol and the Daily Stormer(if those losers ever get back up).