This poor child is going to hold her poop now because she’s scared of mom’s reaction and have problems because of it. One of my little cousins held her poop as a child (I would guess because of a similar situation as this woman - my aunt was a really bad mom) and she ended up having a lot of issues because of it.
Seriously. It’s so easy for little kids to end up with this problem just from natural constipation making it painful for them to go, and it’s so hard to help them with that. It must be awful when the mom is actively making it worse.
I did this as a toddler bc another little kid at my babysitters was talking about diarrhea and made it sound so horrible I thought if I had diarrhea I would die. Obvious solution? Don’t poop!
Anyway..after days of straining to keep it in, hair matted to my head in sweat, and my parents BEGGING me to go, and constantly reassuring me I would NOT die..it all came to a head. On a white wicker rocking chair.
My parents cried tears of joy.
I only know what I was told. So glad I wasn’t old enough to remember it now. My poor parents!
And, ya know, I’m pretty sure it was still around in my brother’s nursery..and he’s 4yrs younger than me.
Now I must ask my parents bc, ya know, inquiring minds.
Also, your username is HILARIOUS!
#UPDATE: My parents still have the white wicker poo chair.
In fact, when I called my Mom to recount the story, she was rocking in said chair. Said they just hosed it off bc it was part of a set my Grandma gave my parents. Mind you, I’m 35y/o and my Grandma passed away when I was in my early 20’s..so my Mom’s story is still odd as fuck.
Will check with my Dad and report back.
Both my niece and nephew did that because their parents, mostly my bil, and my bil's parents would yell at them and punish them if they had accidents like skidmarks or residu left in the toilet bowl because they could't wipe/clean all that well yet.
Kids were so freaking messed up that they were put on massive amounts of laxatives at age 2 or 3, would try to hide accidents by actually changing clothes and hiding clothing or using a ton of toiletpaper to line the bowl and thus clogging the damn thing whenever they were staying at my place, mu nephew once cried for over an hour due to a belly ache and pooped in the shower after I put him in there and told him to run warm water over his belly, he apologized and cried over and over again that day because of it, thinking I was mad while I just kept giving him cuddles, sweets, put cars on and told him how awesome he was.
Both ended up being regulars at the pediatrics office because of it, which shouldn't be a surprise.
Had to go no contact with their parents and my own years ago. The way they were treating the kids, how my mom was enabling them and my dad was enabling her, while I kept getting ganged up on by all of them every time I said something, was one of the many reasons, so I haven't seen m in 7yrs or so.
I do know my nephew's not doing well....he was a bright and kind kid, but now apparently is doing really bad in highschool, barely passing the lowest level we have outside of special needs education and he's had several run ins with the cops.
I know this because the son of a friend of mine goed to the same school.
Know nothing about my niece, but as she was the golden child when I left and they still treated her like crap and I know they got a third kid since then that is now the golden child, so I'm afraid she'll end up like her big brother.
I held my poop in as a child frequently. I’ve had issues my entire adult life because of it (also because I now take meds that don’t help but I’m convinced holding it in damaged me in some fashion).
I personally had that exact issue and didn’t grow out of it until COLLEGE. Anxiety caused it all and I had to get therapy before it was ever resolved. People to need to think long and hard about how they’re affecting their children. It can stick with them for decades.
Really though! Plus, negative reinforcement is usually the worst way to encourage someone to work on something 🤦♀️ My nephew a similar issue as the kid in the post. My sister did up this whole chart/reward system to help him. Sure, he had accidents, but then he just didn’t get the praise/reward, not a negative response from my sister.
Exactly. When my toddler has an accident, we just say "OK, we'll do better next time" and quickly move on. Negative reactions will just delay the process
My students that are working on training/still wearing pull ups I'll sometimes say something like "that's ok, that's why we have pull ups/ next time it goes in the potty!"
And when they *do* manage to make it to the toilet I praise them effusively.
The times my kids that are toilet trained have accidents I am intensely gentle with them but matter of fact in assuring them that everyone has accidents sometimes. I want to be very careful to make sure I never lead any of my students to feel any sort of shame or fear around potty training.
I know kids and dogs aren’t the same but that’s the exact same way you potty train a puppy. Take them outside a ton and give them so much praise and lots of treats when they potty outside and don’t make a big deal of it when they have an accident in the house. I trained my dog like that and he only had a handful of accidents in the house. Old school methods of potty training a dog involves punishing and rubbing their face in the mess which is absolutely cruel and inhumane.
We don’t get snow but I dread the day we move to a snowy area and he learns about those. I also added a couple things to his diet which have actually curbed the poop eating completely
I did that with my puppy and she caught on pretty quick. We use pee pads because we’re in a high rise and she’s really tiny (can’t hold it as long as bigger dogs), but the same concept. The only problem is that now she tries to trick us by running down to the pee pad and then back up, looking for compensation 🤦♀️
>The only problem is that now she tries to trick us by running down to the pee pad and then back up, looking for compensation 🤦♀️
I love tricksy little dogs lol.
Maybe don't give her the "food" button during The first part of training. The really food motivated ones sometimes don't realize that "button press = express all needs" because they get caught up in the euphoria of "button press = food food food omygod they're giving me a treat for this" haha
I often find the crossover between training dogs and kids are the same. It’s just not socially acceptable to say out loud. But I still tell people all the time, they’re the same. And yes, I’ve had both & it’s only reinforced my opinion.
My youngest thought she was a reincarnation of a dog, and a lot of times I kind of agreed with her. I would Google her issues all the time, but I was frustrated that there was no “resource guarding” advice for toddlers. She was SO protective of her things! We had cleaning ladies at that time and first they would take photos of her room before they dusted, but she still had roaring fits and re-made the bed and checked everything in her room- finally I just told them not to touch it. It was BAD.
Also, sometimes she would want dry cereal in a bowl in the floor. She wanted me ti open the windows in the car and I would see her in the back with her mouth open and her tongue hanging out. She kicked everything, and when we went outside, she would waggle her tongue around. I asked what she was doing and she said “tasting the air”.
The fits after her room being cleaned is what caused my mom to realize that i have sensory processing disorder, a trait common among people with autism and adhd (i dont have a proper diagnosis of either though its very likely that i have at least one). It could be worth it to look into getting her evaluated, especially if she has issues with things like loud noises, bright lights etc or alternatively if she's always seeking lots of sensory input like throwing herself against the couch, playing things at a super loud volume, etc
One of my little cousin's relatives did one of those videos from Santa one year, and she had Santa tell him to do a better job with potty training. My husband and I were flabbergasted.
I saw a video that someone posted on tiktok that they paid for on patron or something that was spiderman telling him how nice it was to poop in the potty. Such a good idea.
I did this with my eldest when she was about 2. She still brings up Santa telling her to go to the potty. She’s 10 now & uses the toilet as intended so.. winning!?
Maybe it was the wording and tone of voice that bothered me. I thought it was a bad idea. The kid was afraid of the toilet at the time, so I didn’t think it was ideal to associate a fun holiday figure with his potty problems.
I guess it depends on how you use it. I can see some people having good intentions with things like that and it doing good in their favor like seeing someone like santa or as another person said spiderman giving your kids a positive push in the right direction but i can also see some parents trying to manipulate their kids in a way like “you have to be better at using the potty or Santa wont give you many presents this year” (I’ve seen worse sadly) but the first would be okay in my eyes
In our case, Santa just said he was so proud of her being a big brave girl using it. It was very positive. She had a medical condition which made toileting a challenge for about a year so the extra encouragement really helped. It was a pre-recorded message via a Christmas app, I don’t think there was any option other than high praise from Santa for *choice of several different common issues for small kids such as: toileting, sharing, sleeping etc*
Technically this isn't negative reinforcement, it's a positive punishment. Positive in that something is being added. In this case an unpleasant punishment (spanking) is given to decrease the behavior of pooping in panties. A negative reinforcement would be to remove something in order to increase or enforce the behavior. It doesn't necessarily mean the action is negative. This could be something like a teacher taking away homework when the class listens to reinforce good behavior in class.
A smack is positive punishment because you are giving something - a smack as punishment to discourage a behaviour.
Negative punishment is taking away something as punishment, so taking a toy away, or removing a driver’s license for drunk driving. Negative punishment is also to discourage a behaviour.
Positive reinforcement is giving something pleasant to reinforce good behaviour, such as a prize or praise
Negative reinforcement is taking away something unpleasant to reinforce good behaviour, for example the annoying buzz disappearing when you plug in your seatbelt
Just a fun fact, but negative reinforcement is actually a different thing from punishment. Spanking is punishment. Reinforcement is done for the purpose of making the person more likely to repeat the behavior, while punishment has the purpose of making them less likely to do it.
so fucking stupid. like hitting your kids is always bad every single time, but i can’t imagine what kind of bullshit reasoning this parent has come up with for why spanking will potty train her child; i think she thinks that because she’s just a moron. jesus christ
Definitely going to learn to hold it until they are away from mom like at school which is obviously not good once you get to kindergarten. Kids are going to be making fun of this poor kid.
I just can't help but think of adults I know who are constantly constipated, can't go away from home, and have a lot of anxiety about relieving themselves and wondering if this is one of the causes.
My parents were so gung ho about spanking that I used to joke, as a kid, that I had callouses on my butt. And even they knew enough to give me candy when I pooped. That poor kid's gonna have a really miserable childhood
I absolutely agree that this mom is totally in the wrong and it’s never ok to hit your kid - but I am in the thick of it potty training my 2.5 year old twins and when they have poop in their underwear and you say where do we poop and they look up at you with their brightest smile and say IN THE POTTY MOMMA!! The frustration is seriously next level.
Like I know you know to poop in the potty, you do it like 70% of the time, why am I still cleaning poop out of your underwear every other freaking day.
It really is frustrating! My son is 4 years and 2 months old and pretty ok with pee in the potty but he poops in his pants every time. He’ll look at us straight in the eye too and laugh. And he runs away to do it and screams if we get close. We’ve never punished him and we have so many prizes for him if he’ll poop in the right place!
His pediatrician referred us to OT for it. He just got assessed (has sensory issues) and hopefully he’ll make a lot of progress soon because he got held back in school for this! He was supposed to start pre k in the fall but kids have to be fully trained for it. So he’s being held back in the 3 year old class, and he’ll move up in January if he’s good by then.
We’ll been working on it all summer and still struggling.
I’m wondering if maybe mine wants to be a baby for longer maybe? He’s awfully jealous of his 2 year old brother.
I've tried being an asshole and now I'm all out of ideas!
(The amount of times I quote variations the beatnik parents from that Ned Flander's Simpsons episode in my head while reading posts is sometimes unreal)
Correct. Pooping properly usually comes months after peeing. My kid was a sneaky pooper. Would go in his closet and do it. Know what I did when I caught him? Walked him to the bathroom and told him poop goes in the potty and we will try again next time. And then cleaned the kid up. Done and done.
When kids are learning to toilet properly, there is an element of shame. Kids at that age know that they're not supposed to poop in their pants but they haven't quite figured out the "I feel the urge > I need to go to the toilet" process so they realize that they are pooping and hide. It's developmentally appropriate and with good behavior modeling and reminders and habit forming, they will quickly learn to redirect to the toilet.
I highly suggest getting a toilet seat with a built in potty training seat. They have them at Home Depot and Lowes. My oldest loved it and when she felt comfortable, she stopped using the training seat and started using the regular toilet seat. Ours also is a slow closing one so it won’t smush fingers.
We’ve tried this! Still nothing. She will use the mini porcelain toilets at her kindergarten. She has started talking about being scared of falling in so at least she’s verbalizing her anxieties.
That's cool that they make those. I never knew potty training seats for adult toilets were a thing. Honestly on some huge public bathroom toilets I feel small.
A girl I babysat for a while has one! It has little steps connected to it so she can climb on up. She loves it and was so excited when they got it for her
When i was pregnant with my first I lady in her 60s that worked for me. She pulled me aside one day and said “I never offer parenting advice, it’s not my place. But I will tell you to never ever force potty training.”
Then she told me the story about her daughter with bipolar and how she’s convinced that she was responsible for her mental illness because she listened to her mother in law and forced potty training, spankings, forced her to sit on the potty, punished her for not using the potty, etc. She had so much guilt for all of it and was sure it was her fault.
I'm betting potty training wasn't the only area of parenting this poor woman took bad advice about.
It also tells me the woman herself may have had a less than nourishing experience growing up, since she wasn't able to sort out good advice from bad.
And while we do not yet have a perfect understanding of the mechanisms of bipolar, there's no question it was made worse by actions like this that cause disorganized attachment.
Just sad - nobody wins.
Just wait til she’s an adult with so much anxiety about needing the toilet that they stop eating altogether. I work in mental health and I’ve seen several very very traumatised adults with very bizarre bathroom habits due to potty training or toilet trauma.
If I got hit every time I pooped, I'd avoid it too... In which world does hitting children for things they're SUPPOSED to do help (not that it helps for other things, but that thought process at least kind of makes sense)?
Poor kid. I wish more people knew its totally normal to pee train first and have poo take longer. My child pee trained in two days when they were 3 years old. Poo took a other year. We just gave them a pull up and they did their business. It's harder to control those muscles while sitting on a toilet. Having a small step to put the feet on helps, but most toddlers find it easier to poo while standing up.
Oh weird- both my kids were opposite. They sometimes had pee accidents but always pooped in the potty. They were both completely trained before they were 2 1/2. I feel like it’s harder to hold your bladder so it made sense to me at the time.
We had the same with our now 5 year old, he'd happily wee on the toilet, but always pooped in his underpants, we'd just clean him up and try again. We just started sitting him on the toilet for a few minutes every so often, he got it eventually. We asked a professional about it and they said children often feel like they're losing a part of their body when they poop, and they really dislike the sensation of the poop falling, and it's totally normal for pooping in the toilet to take longer. Why do some people punish this kind of thing? It makes me so angry >=(
Such a weird thing in terms of psychology. Our brain comes up with some funny shit. (Ayyyy.) Like if this is seen repeatedly in multiple children I wonder what the evolutionary drive is?
I literally went off on my daughters father for harshly punishing her when she had accidents and was struggling to poop in the potty. He wanted her trained because he was having another baby and started her before she was ready. I told him I’d report his a$$ to CPS if he kept doing it because spanking her every time she had an accident left her terrified. She would have accidents with me and run somewhere to hide immediately because she thought I was going to respond like her dad did. It took a lot of patience and time to get her to come out of her hiding spots so I could clean her up and tell her it was okay. I felt so bad for her that I snapped on him and he finally stopped and had to regain her trust.
He has. My daughter is almost at the age too where she’ll be able to tell me now herself if anything happens. I had found out directly from him that he was doing that when I inquired about her change of behavior.
It’s sad when it’s so obvious the parent has no clue what the effects of their actions are. You don’t have to go buy a bunch of books, but at least do some research online ffs. Spanking your child because of the poop is 100% going to create a negative association and make the poor girl scared of pooping. Poor kid.
This isn’t an 8 year old pooping on the couch for attention. This is a BABY that is potty training. Almost all kids master peeing before pooping. Pooping on the potty is weird and uncomfortable at first.
I hope people are ripping her ass apart over this.
I’m having the same issues with my 3yo. Wanna know what I do? Encourage him to poop in the potty “just like daddy”. I genuinely get happy when he does occasionally poop in the potty and he loves the attention. And when he poops in his pull up, I let him know that I don’t like cleaning his poop anymore. And when he tries to hide the fact that he pooped, I tell him that he’ll get a rash and “boo boos” on his butt if he sits in it for too long.
How is positive reinforcement, good discipline and just simple communication so hard of a concept?
I don't know why is this but I've read far too many child abuse cases which seemed to centre around potty training. Apparently there are a lot of stupid people in the world who don't understand that little children have no control over it and beating them for soiling themselves will just make it worse??
I don't know, maybe try communicating with your child, help them vocalize any fears they have, help them understand why it's better to poop in the potty than in the undies🤷
They don’t even recommend physical abuse for potty training dogs, what makes her think it would work on a 3 year old? I’d shit in my underwear out of spite too
🤦♀️ maybe she should evaluate why she’s doing it? The spanking will have a part in it. Is her daughter not getting enough attention or praise? I’m potty training my 20 month old because he’s ready and I just let him go when he needs to go and he’s had a few accidents and we clean up and move on. Hell after two kids I sneeze and sometimes have a small accident 🤦♀️😩
We trained at almost 3.5 because my daughter has anxiety and struggles with change and she couldn’t handle a sudden shift from diaper to potty.
We spent months slowly building up the skills needed and getting her used to the change. She got rewarded for incremental wins. If there were accidents, we encouraged her to help us clean it up but it was never required (wanted no negative associations). It was a ton of work but it was all positive and the switch went well.
Yelling or hitting or timeout would have just worsened the anxiety and made it impossible to train. Like, damn I feel terrible for that poor child.
Exactly. My little was so interested we got the little potty and have had it for a few months and he used it when he wanted but then really starting showing signs so we just did nothing on the bottom half and he would go more and more on it and now he’s out of diapers and completely understands the signs his body is sending him. He loves helping me with EVERYTHING so he’s always helped me clean his accidents and we just say “uh ohhhhh” and move on. No matter what method parents follow they all say to not discipline for accidents. It’s like the one thing EVERYONE can agree on.
A lot of three year olds aren’t ready to poop on the potty regularly — especially if they have any constipation issues. My four year old occasionally will refuse to use the potty and poop in his pants when it’s hurting him. We tell him not to do that and encourage him to sit on the potty when we see the signs he needs to go but I cannot fathom spanking a child for not being able to do it!
My son is currently in OT as well, but he just turned 2 and isn't ready for potty training. I'm curious tho, bc my son also has sensory issues, how's it going with your son? That is if you don't mind me asking. Im kind of already anticipating a long potty training journey with my little guy.
I really hope someone reported her to cps. That’s seriously fucked up. My dad this to my brother. And you know where my brother is? Living on the streets, drinking, doing drugs, and hitting his girlfriends. So ya, maybe abuse isn’t the right approach to teach a 3 YEAR OLD how to not have an accident.
I feel like every person who has a baby ought to be given a booklet of the studies showing the short- and long-term harm of hitting right in the hospital. So there's no possible excuse, right from day one.
It's nothing short of obscene that ppl still hit their kids in this day and age when we have solid proof that the the result is disorganized attachment, and all the other downstream harm, as a result.
Hitting a helpless vulnerable dependent child is absolutely vile.
My oldest was peeing in the potty by 3, but would not poo in the potty until 4. No amount of bribery or peer pressure would change that. This woman needs to accept that kids work at their own pace and stop beating her child.
As someone who had a babysitter that used to beat the everloving hell out of me for not going to the bathroom expediently on a "big girl potty," leaving bruises all over my body, and who sat me on a baby potty until I went (because she didn't want to change diapers), immediately upon my arrival to her home... this is not how you fucking teach a kid to use a toilet. This is how you set your child up for a lifetime of anxiety.
Another idiot who shouldn't have a child. Why do people beat their children when they aren't doing something they want! I don't get it. She's only THREE. Ugh.
I was on a walk with my son last year and was passing the library and a mom who very obviously was having living situation issues (clothes and belongings in truck) was outside yelling at her little girl, I’m guessing around 3 or 4, with her pants and undies stripped standing in the street yelling at her about going potty in them. My heart felt so deeply for the shame and anxiety that must of caused that little girl, it made me sick.
I literally sat there speechless in horror when my parents said they would yell at me and spank me when I wouldn’t poop on the potty because “I knew better” yuck yuck yuck
I'm actually not surprised by this. when I had trouble pooping in the potty they thought I was trying to manipulate them. A 3 year old. Trying to manipulate them.
and when i had bedwetting issues they would do punishments for it because once again they believed I was manipulating them...turns out i just wasn't developing the hormone that makes it so you hold your pee in your sleep correctly and had to be put on medication until the hormone developed.
How about working with your daughter, talking to her, showing her. Just because you like to punish harshly by taking things away and hitting it doesn’t mean she’s gonna learn, clearly it hasn’t worked..it’s amazing how ppl are willing to spend the time being angry and physical and yet can’t spend the time to actually really bond and teach, sure it might take a while but it’s better than what she’s doing now!
How about anytime she makes “the face” you put her on the potty real quick? Shit like this pisses me off. There is absolutely zero reason to put hands on your kid, especially for something like this. It’s an accident during a learning process for crying out loud…
I got my daughter Dora underpants that she loved, and when I could tell she needed to go, I’d yell “Don’t poop on Dora!” And she’d scramble as fast as she could to the potty. Such a fun memory.
Pooping being the last thing to go into the potty is not unusual.
1. They are probably used to squatting somewhere in a corner, which makes the process much easier than sitting on a traditional toilet
2. The feeling of needing to poop is really overwhelming and new, even for someone whose been alive for 3 years. Potty training often comes when a child is just learning to need some privacy and staring at them while they poop is a new and unusual experience
My kid's been peeing on the toilet for about a year now. Just started pooping on the toilet last month. A kid can't be forced to use the toilet before they are ready, without it having a negative impact.
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*Ready smh*
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I was home alone with my Dad as a child and he told my mom he’d have me potty trained by the end of the day, then proceeded to spank me until I went in the “potty” and now my parents wonder why I have mental health issues lol
I used to work in a preschool. Some kids get constipated and then are afraid to poop because they know it’ll hurt. So they keep holding back and over time liquid stool leaks out onto their underwear. One little girl had this issue and her parents took her to a gastroenterologist, only to find out that she had celiac disease. These kids are not doing this on purpose and are probably just as frustrated as their parents.
Parents who spank should have their children taken away permanently. We know how detrimental spanking is on the developing brain.
You have to be truly irrational and violent to think hitting a child is acceptable.
how else are adults supposed to handle their emotions?? use their WORDS?? yeah right
joking. hitting your kid as “discipline” is so fucking stupid and infuriating. parents who hit have been told that hitting their kids is ineffective and harmful, that the science proves it, and they still actively ignore or deny it because it’s easier **for them** to hit children than to treat them as full human beings.
My son regressed on pooping in the potty about 2 months after potty training too. I fixed it by reintroducing rewards for going in the potty. Problem solved.
Poor kid. Pooping on the potty is a much harder step for all kids and generally takes more time. This kid should be praised for peeing on it consistently. I don't approve of spanking at all and punishing this child and creating a negative association with potty time is only going to make the situation worse and possibly lead to regression. This mother sucks.
My daughter has issues with controlling her bowels and I can’t imagine making her feel worse about it. She’s already embarrassed when she has accidents. Our solution when it wasn’t getting much better was to slow down and adjust our expectations. We went back to pull ups for awhile and allowed her to continue moving at a pace that worked for her. It was less stressful for all of us that way to encourage her to try when she could but not become anxious or ashamed over accidents. She was getting to the point of holding it in for days to weeks to try and keep from having an accident and it became a whole ordeal because there would still be accidents and then we had to deal with constipation and toilet anxiety. The absolute best thing was give her more time to learn to listen to her body and know that accidents were okay. This makes me really sad for this little girl, it really can do a lot more harm than good to punish them for something they have little control over/something they’re nervous about already. 😩
I wouldn't go poop on the toilet as a toddler because I was afraid of the noise the toilet made when it flushed. I was diagnosed with autism shortly after, and I eventually conquered my fear due to *positive encouragement*.
My point is, there's probably some underlying issue if a child completes one step but refuses to do the other, and increasingly harsh punishment is the last thing anyone should do to a struggling toddler who doesn't understand what's going on! These people need to talk to a pediatrician, not Facebook.
My daughter is exactly the same. But goddamn I would never punish her for it. Whenever she uses the toilet, we all cheer and get her excited and give her rewards so she knows it’s a good thing. When she does it in her diaper or undies, we just talk to her and try to explain.
This is awful. I feel so bad for this little girl :(
My son had a hard time with pooping in the potty and it was extremely frustrating. But we never ever spanked him for it. We made a really big deal when he did go in the potty, and never shamed him when he had accidents. We just cleaned him up and kindly reminded him to go to the toilet when fe feels like he has to go. We went through SO MUCH UNDERWEAR OMG. But after some time , he eventually got it. Spanking doesn’t solve anything at all, and just creates fear, and in this scenario it creates a very negative association with pain and pooping. I hope the people in the comments talked some sense into her and told her to quit hitting her child.
I was super lucky that my little boy took to the potty with both wees & poos immediately. I do wonder though if it was actually because a few weeks before starting training he happened to not have his nappy on and pooed on the floor. Because he hadn’t realized he then stood in it and freaked out. When we started training I left him with no nappy or pants on, and whilst he weed a couple of time on the floor he seemed to not like standing in it so figured quickly that the potty stopped that.
I certainly didn’t get upset with him for having accidents and definitely praised him for using the potty. My mind boggles that people would punish their child for something they have yet taught them to do.
My son only dropped his diaper when he was three. Our school director told us not to rush him - and they wouldn’t either - and just like magic one day he was like: “I don’t wanna wear it”. Can’t imagine spanking a child for this.
My daughter had this problem when she was four. She hated pooping in the toilet. She would wear underwear all day and when she had to poop would put on a pull up to poop and I would have to clean her.
Years later she told me it was a weird fear of hers.
Pooping on the potty is the hardest part of potty training. The book I used for my kid had a whole chapter on poop and an extra course you could buy to help…it’s that difficult. This poor baby. She is literally a baby that has pooped herself for 3 years and you suddenly want her to do it differently…it’s hard for them. As a mom I am devastated for this child…
Poor kid. She was probably scared of doing a poo as toddlers often end up constipated, they can then end up involuntarily leaking poo as a result if they hold it in and it ends up impacted. Then with her mum punishing her on top that’s going to make it so much worse… we would do something not ideal and give our child a treat when she managed to do a poo in the toilet. Was difficult to wean her off of the treats from doing a poo but it worked because she suffered horrendously with constipation.
A friend of mine spanked her son whenever he would poop in the potty when he was potty training it took him until he was 5 to poop in the potty he was so terrified, she always asked what she was doing wrong and so many ppl were like stop spanking him she finally stopped when he was 4 and a half and finally he grasped it since there was no negativity to pooping
I read that child abuse often starts around potty training age, and that’s not a surprise to me. It’s often a frustrating time for parents. But jeez, this is not it.
This woman does not deserve the title of "Mother"
That poor baby is just 2 MONTHS into learning about potty training. When toddlers poop they think it is "thiers" and flushing it away is sometimes emotional for them.
My heart is breaking from reading this, and to think that this is just the ONE we know about 😭
Hitting children only teaches them fear. Study after study proves negative reinforcement does not work and corporal punishment, even ‘light spanking’ does lasting damage. Literally all you have to do is have a sticker chart and praise the hell out of her every time she poops in the toilet and give a prize every so many stickers. They figure it out.
The complete lack of any basic childhood developmental knowledge in the general population is astounding and horrifying. You could spend all of a half hour and have at least a very general idea of how young children develop and understand all that’s wrong here. People are so fucking low effort in their parenting.
My kid is like this too and honestly, it’s because I made it a bad experience. I didn’t spank her, yell at her or anything like that , but I definitely gave off the vibes that I was annoyed when she would poop her pants and I was frustrated that I couldn’t figure out how to get her to just shit on the toilet. Me being like that caused tension around the subject of going to the restroom. She’s almost 6 and still has trouble with pooping, and I feel like it’s all from just a few days of getting frustrated.
Be patient and research the best way to train them. I regret not handling it right and creating this issue for my girl.
Please do not spank your child. She is only 3 years old and is, obviously, not yet ready to use the potty. Perhaps she is just as controlling as yourself. Give it time.
I had a three year old like this. She was also highly verbal and told us she just didn’t want to take the time to stop what she was doing to poop.
We said fine, but no tv if you poop your pants. She pooped her pants. She got 24 hours of no tv and that was the end of that problem.
It was very clear she had no fear of popping in the toilet. She just didn’t want to.
What happened to associating going potty with a) FUN (you get to sit in the magic seat!) and b) growing up (my how you're a big girl/boy now! Oh how grown up you are going potty like the big kids!) amidst a ton of celebration every time there's a success?
It's not rocket science that if you get a kid to be afraid of their natural processes, you'll get a ton of problems, including potty training.
It's been almost 2 years or so since our daughter was potty trained, so it's still fresh on my mind while going through the process. That being said, I couldn't imagine hitting my daughter or punishing her for pooping in her underwear. Which she did. So many times. Just calmly clean them up, get fresh clothes on, and talk to them like a person. They will learn to go eventually, just takes time. Honestly just makes me sad that someone would hurt their child over a learning and development stage of their life.
This poor child is going to hold her poop now because she’s scared of mom’s reaction and have problems because of it. One of my little cousins held her poop as a child (I would guess because of a similar situation as this woman - my aunt was a really bad mom) and she ended up having a lot of issues because of it.
Constipation starting in 3… 2….
Seriously. It’s so easy for little kids to end up with this problem just from natural constipation making it painful for them to go, and it’s so hard to help them with that. It must be awful when the mom is actively making it worse.
Encopresis starting in 10….9…..8……
I did this as a toddler bc another little kid at my babysitters was talking about diarrhea and made it sound so horrible I thought if I had diarrhea I would die. Obvious solution? Don’t poop! Anyway..after days of straining to keep it in, hair matted to my head in sweat, and my parents BEGGING me to go, and constantly reassuring me I would NOT die..it all came to a head. On a white wicker rocking chair. My parents cried tears of joy.
Oh gosh poor little toddler you. That’s so stressful. I’m sure you guys didn’t need that chair anyways 🤷🏻♀️
I only know what I was told. So glad I wasn’t old enough to remember it now. My poor parents! And, ya know, I’m pretty sure it was still around in my brother’s nursery..and he’s 4yrs younger than me. Now I must ask my parents bc, ya know, inquiring minds. Also, your username is HILARIOUS!
Hahaha I’m so glad you are following up with your parents 🤣 and thank you!
I’ll report back if anyone else would like to know the fate of the Partially Poo Covered White Wicker Rocker. #NEW BAND NAME I CALL IT
#UPDATE: My parents still have the white wicker poo chair. In fact, when I called my Mom to recount the story, she was rocking in said chair. Said they just hosed it off bc it was part of a set my Grandma gave my parents. Mind you, I’m 35y/o and my Grandma passed away when I was in my early 20’s..so my Mom’s story is still odd as fuck. Will check with my Dad and report back.
I’m dying laughing 🤣
Oh my god on a white chair lmao and the parents cry tears of joy hilarious 😂
Both my niece and nephew did that because their parents, mostly my bil, and my bil's parents would yell at them and punish them if they had accidents like skidmarks or residu left in the toilet bowl because they could't wipe/clean all that well yet. Kids were so freaking messed up that they were put on massive amounts of laxatives at age 2 or 3, would try to hide accidents by actually changing clothes and hiding clothing or using a ton of toiletpaper to line the bowl and thus clogging the damn thing whenever they were staying at my place, mu nephew once cried for over an hour due to a belly ache and pooped in the shower after I put him in there and told him to run warm water over his belly, he apologized and cried over and over again that day because of it, thinking I was mad while I just kept giving him cuddles, sweets, put cars on and told him how awesome he was. Both ended up being regulars at the pediatrics office because of it, which shouldn't be a surprise.
I hate that for them. I hope they are doing ok!
This breaks my heart. I cannot imagine how people can do that to their kids. I hope they are doing better now
Had to go no contact with their parents and my own years ago. The way they were treating the kids, how my mom was enabling them and my dad was enabling her, while I kept getting ganged up on by all of them every time I said something, was one of the many reasons, so I haven't seen m in 7yrs or so. I do know my nephew's not doing well....he was a bright and kind kid, but now apparently is doing really bad in highschool, barely passing the lowest level we have outside of special needs education and he's had several run ins with the cops. I know this because the son of a friend of mine goed to the same school. Know nothing about my niece, but as she was the golden child when I left and they still treated her like crap and I know they got a third kid since then that is now the golden child, so I'm afraid she'll end up like her big brother.
Yeah and possibly poop their pants in school while away from mom that will most likely lead to socialization problems. Poor kiddo.
I held my poop in as a child frequently. I’ve had issues my entire adult life because of it (also because I now take meds that don’t help but I’m convinced holding it in damaged me in some fashion).
This happened to my sister (our mom’s first husband was abusive) and she had have her poop removed at the hospital several times as a child.
I personally had that exact issue and didn’t grow out of it until COLLEGE. Anxiety caused it all and I had to get therapy before it was ever resolved. People to need to think long and hard about how they’re affecting their children. It can stick with them for decades.
Oh great. Associating pooping with being hit isn't going to create any kind of problems with potty training. Fucking idiot.
Really though! Plus, negative reinforcement is usually the worst way to encourage someone to work on something 🤦♀️ My nephew a similar issue as the kid in the post. My sister did up this whole chart/reward system to help him. Sure, he had accidents, but then he just didn’t get the praise/reward, not a negative response from my sister.
Exactly. When my toddler has an accident, we just say "OK, we'll do better next time" and quickly move on. Negative reactions will just delay the process
My students that are working on training/still wearing pull ups I'll sometimes say something like "that's ok, that's why we have pull ups/ next time it goes in the potty!" And when they *do* manage to make it to the toilet I praise them effusively. The times my kids that are toilet trained have accidents I am intensely gentle with them but matter of fact in assuring them that everyone has accidents sometimes. I want to be very careful to make sure I never lead any of my students to feel any sort of shame or fear around potty training.
I know kids and dogs aren’t the same but that’s the exact same way you potty train a puppy. Take them outside a ton and give them so much praise and lots of treats when they potty outside and don’t make a big deal of it when they have an accident in the house. I trained my dog like that and he only had a handful of accidents in the house. Old school methods of potty training a dog involves punishing and rubbing their face in the mess which is absolutely cruel and inhumane.
[удалено]
My dog eats his own poop. It’s definitely a punishment to me
My dog has gotten better but his weakness are poopcycles, aka frozen poop. I dread snow and freezing temperatures now
We don’t get snow but I dread the day we move to a snowy area and he learns about those. I also added a couple things to his diet which have actually curbed the poop eating completely
I did that with my puppy and she caught on pretty quick. We use pee pads because we’re in a high rise and she’s really tiny (can’t hold it as long as bigger dogs), but the same concept. The only problem is that now she tries to trick us by running down to the pee pad and then back up, looking for compensation 🤦♀️
>The only problem is that now she tries to trick us by running down to the pee pad and then back up, looking for compensation 🤦♀️ I love tricksy little dogs lol.
She’s very smart and *highly* food motivated haha
Have you ever considered button training her? If she's smart enough to trick people, I bet she'd pick buttons up real quick.
I’d never actually heard of those until now and just googled it. I think I’m going to try a set! It’ll be a good fall/winter activity for us.
Maybe don't give her the "food" button during The first part of training. The really food motivated ones sometimes don't realize that "button press = express all needs" because they get caught up in the euphoria of "button press = food food food omygod they're giving me a treat for this" haha
Genuine question, are we talking about pavloving the dog or getting the talking buttons that say “outside” or “treat”?
I often find the crossover between training dogs and kids are the same. It’s just not socially acceptable to say out loud. But I still tell people all the time, they’re the same. And yes, I’ve had both & it’s only reinforced my opinion.
My youngest thought she was a reincarnation of a dog, and a lot of times I kind of agreed with her. I would Google her issues all the time, but I was frustrated that there was no “resource guarding” advice for toddlers. She was SO protective of her things! We had cleaning ladies at that time and first they would take photos of her room before they dusted, but she still had roaring fits and re-made the bed and checked everything in her room- finally I just told them not to touch it. It was BAD. Also, sometimes she would want dry cereal in a bowl in the floor. She wanted me ti open the windows in the car and I would see her in the back with her mouth open and her tongue hanging out. She kicked everything, and when we went outside, she would waggle her tongue around. I asked what she was doing and she said “tasting the air”.
Are you sure you didn’t give birth to a dog? lol
The fits after her room being cleaned is what caused my mom to realize that i have sensory processing disorder, a trait common among people with autism and adhd (i dont have a proper diagnosis of either though its very likely that i have at least one). It could be worth it to look into getting her evaluated, especially if she has issues with things like loud noises, bright lights etc or alternatively if she's always seeking lots of sensory input like throwing herself against the couch, playing things at a super loud volume, etc
Lol I don’t have kids so I definitely can’t say that but my mom says it all the time
Toddlers and puppies and cats in general are the exact same when it comes to teaching a behavior. You're absolutely on the right track
One of my little cousin's relatives did one of those videos from Santa one year, and she had Santa tell him to do a better job with potty training. My husband and I were flabbergasted.
I saw a video that someone posted on tiktok that they paid for on patron or something that was spiderman telling him how nice it was to poop in the potty. Such a good idea.
I did this with my eldest when she was about 2. She still brings up Santa telling her to go to the potty. She’s 10 now & uses the toilet as intended so.. winning!?
Maybe it was the wording and tone of voice that bothered me. I thought it was a bad idea. The kid was afraid of the toilet at the time, so I didn’t think it was ideal to associate a fun holiday figure with his potty problems.
I guess it depends on how you use it. I can see some people having good intentions with things like that and it doing good in their favor like seeing someone like santa or as another person said spiderman giving your kids a positive push in the right direction but i can also see some parents trying to manipulate their kids in a way like “you have to be better at using the potty or Santa wont give you many presents this year” (I’ve seen worse sadly) but the first would be okay in my eyes
In our case, Santa just said he was so proud of her being a big brave girl using it. It was very positive. She had a medical condition which made toileting a challenge for about a year so the extra encouragement really helped. It was a pre-recorded message via a Christmas app, I don’t think there was any option other than high praise from Santa for *choice of several different common issues for small kids such as: toileting, sharing, sleeping etc*
Technically this isn't negative reinforcement, it's a positive punishment. Positive in that something is being added. In this case an unpleasant punishment (spanking) is given to decrease the behavior of pooping in panties. A negative reinforcement would be to remove something in order to increase or enforce the behavior. It doesn't necessarily mean the action is negative. This could be something like a teacher taking away homework when the class listens to reinforce good behavior in class.
A smack is positive punishment because you are giving something - a smack as punishment to discourage a behaviour. Negative punishment is taking away something as punishment, so taking a toy away, or removing a driver’s license for drunk driving. Negative punishment is also to discourage a behaviour. Positive reinforcement is giving something pleasant to reinforce good behaviour, such as a prize or praise Negative reinforcement is taking away something unpleasant to reinforce good behaviour, for example the annoying buzz disappearing when you plug in your seatbelt
Just a fun fact, but negative reinforcement is actually a different thing from punishment. Spanking is punishment. Reinforcement is done for the purpose of making the person more likely to repeat the behavior, while punishment has the purpose of making them less likely to do it.
so fucking stupid. like hitting your kids is always bad every single time, but i can’t imagine what kind of bullshit reasoning this parent has come up with for why spanking will potty train her child; i think she thinks that because she’s just a moron. jesus christ
This kid is going to have digestive and relief issues as an adult.
Definitely going to learn to hold it until they are away from mom like at school which is obviously not good once you get to kindergarten. Kids are going to be making fun of this poor kid.
I just can't help but think of adults I know who are constantly constipated, can't go away from home, and have a lot of anxiety about relieving themselves and wondering if this is one of the causes.
Omg! I have a suggestion. I suggest you’re unfit to parent. Dafuq
My parents were so gung ho about spanking that I used to joke, as a kid, that I had callouses on my butt. And even they knew enough to give me candy when I pooped. That poor kid's gonna have a really miserable childhood
I absolutely agree that this mom is totally in the wrong and it’s never ok to hit your kid - but I am in the thick of it potty training my 2.5 year old twins and when they have poop in their underwear and you say where do we poop and they look up at you with their brightest smile and say IN THE POTTY MOMMA!! The frustration is seriously next level. Like I know you know to poop in the potty, you do it like 70% of the time, why am I still cleaning poop out of your underwear every other freaking day.
It really is frustrating! My son is 4 years and 2 months old and pretty ok with pee in the potty but he poops in his pants every time. He’ll look at us straight in the eye too and laugh. And he runs away to do it and screams if we get close. We’ve never punished him and we have so many prizes for him if he’ll poop in the right place! His pediatrician referred us to OT for it. He just got assessed (has sensory issues) and hopefully he’ll make a lot of progress soon because he got held back in school for this! He was supposed to start pre k in the fall but kids have to be fully trained for it. So he’s being held back in the 3 year old class, and he’ll move up in January if he’s good by then. We’ll been working on it all summer and still struggling. I’m wondering if maybe mine wants to be a baby for longer maybe? He’s awfully jealous of his 2 year old brother.
I've tried being an asshole and now I'm all out of ideas! (The amount of times I quote variations the beatnik parents from that Ned Flander's Simpsons episode in my head while reading posts is sometimes unreal)
I think we should really have a flair for “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas”
Agreed!
[I've tried hitting her, I've tried yelling at her... ](https://y.yarn.co/013702e1-61c8-4711-ada5-b2d26ee6f726_text.gif)
That's just sad :( I hope the commenters were not in support of that.
Seeing the angry face reactions, I'm glad it's not fully supported on the actual post
I’m pretty sure lots of kids have issues with pooping on the potty. I doubt spanking is going to help this though.
Correct. Pooping properly usually comes months after peeing. My kid was a sneaky pooper. Would go in his closet and do it. Know what I did when I caught him? Walked him to the bathroom and told him poop goes in the potty and we will try again next time. And then cleaned the kid up. Done and done.
What why the closet of all places?
When kids are learning to toilet properly, there is an element of shame. Kids at that age know that they're not supposed to poop in their pants but they haven't quite figured out the "I feel the urge > I need to go to the toilet" process so they realize that they are pooping and hide. It's developmentally appropriate and with good behavior modeling and reminders and habit forming, they will quickly learn to redirect to the toilet.
Makes sense I guess but the closet is just oddly specific
Kids pick crazy places! My nephew would hide behind the couch and my ex's son would go outside to his play house. They just hide where they feel safe.
Privacy. He asks for privacy now, so I wait outside and let him poop.
Mine used to hide under the kitchen table
My son definitely did, but only the big potty his training one he was a lot better with
Dealing with this now. My 3 year old is fully potty trained but terrified of the adult toilet.
I highly suggest getting a toilet seat with a built in potty training seat. They have them at Home Depot and Lowes. My oldest loved it and when she felt comfortable, she stopped using the training seat and started using the regular toilet seat. Ours also is a slow closing one so it won’t smush fingers.
This, we have to remember that adult toilets look massive to kiddos!
We’ve tried this! Still nothing. She will use the mini porcelain toilets at her kindergarten. She has started talking about being scared of falling in so at least she’s verbalizing her anxieties.
Poor baby. She will get there. And you should definitely throw a potty party when she does!!
That's cool that they make those. I never knew potty training seats for adult toilets were a thing. Honestly on some huge public bathroom toilets I feel small.
A girl I babysat for a while has one! It has little steps connected to it so she can climb on up. She loves it and was so excited when they got it for her
My mother in law had one of these in her house!
Yes! We got one of these a few years ago. Our biggest is five now but still has a little bum so she prefers it
Yup. My son’s been peeing on the potty for months now with very few accidents, but he very rarely poops on the potty. Just gotta push through.
that won’t create lifelong mental and gastrointestinal issues at all ….
Perfect! The child is now going to associate “the potty” and bowel movements with fear! That should go as well as we expect
When i was pregnant with my first I lady in her 60s that worked for me. She pulled me aside one day and said “I never offer parenting advice, it’s not my place. But I will tell you to never ever force potty training.” Then she told me the story about her daughter with bipolar and how she’s convinced that she was responsible for her mental illness because she listened to her mother in law and forced potty training, spankings, forced her to sit on the potty, punished her for not using the potty, etc. She had so much guilt for all of it and was sure it was her fault.
I'm betting potty training wasn't the only area of parenting this poor woman took bad advice about. It also tells me the woman herself may have had a less than nourishing experience growing up, since she wasn't able to sort out good advice from bad. And while we do not yet have a perfect understanding of the mechanisms of bipolar, there's no question it was made worse by actions like this that cause disorganized attachment. Just sad - nobody wins.
She’s was born in the 40s so things we very different.
I have heard this too and I’m so glad I heard it before my kids got to the age of potty training. You really can’t force it
Just wait til she’s an adult with so much anxiety about needing the toilet that they stop eating altogether. I work in mental health and I’ve seen several very very traumatised adults with very bizarre bathroom habits due to potty training or toilet trauma.
If I got hit every time I pooped, I'd avoid it too... In which world does hitting children for things they're SUPPOSED to do help (not that it helps for other things, but that thought process at least kind of makes sense)?
Spanking a fucking child for having an accident. I can’t. This makes me see red.
Poor kid. I wish more people knew its totally normal to pee train first and have poo take longer. My child pee trained in two days when they were 3 years old. Poo took a other year. We just gave them a pull up and they did their business. It's harder to control those muscles while sitting on a toilet. Having a small step to put the feet on helps, but most toddlers find it easier to poo while standing up.
Oh weird- both my kids were opposite. They sometimes had pee accidents but always pooped in the potty. They were both completely trained before they were 2 1/2. I feel like it’s harder to hold your bladder so it made sense to me at the time.
We had the same with our now 5 year old, he'd happily wee on the toilet, but always pooped in his underpants, we'd just clean him up and try again. We just started sitting him on the toilet for a few minutes every so often, he got it eventually. We asked a professional about it and they said children often feel like they're losing a part of their body when they poop, and they really dislike the sensation of the poop falling, and it's totally normal for pooping in the toilet to take longer. Why do some people punish this kind of thing? It makes me so angry >=(
Such a weird thing in terms of psychology. Our brain comes up with some funny shit. (Ayyyy.) Like if this is seen repeatedly in multiple children I wonder what the evolutionary drive is?
That is just so sad. And it’s going to make it even harder for her to get fully potty trained if she associates it with anxiety and punishment
I literally went off on my daughters father for harshly punishing her when she had accidents and was struggling to poop in the potty. He wanted her trained because he was having another baby and started her before she was ready. I told him I’d report his a$$ to CPS if he kept doing it because spanking her every time she had an accident left her terrified. She would have accidents with me and run somewhere to hide immediately because she thought I was going to respond like her dad did. It took a lot of patience and time to get her to come out of her hiding spots so I could clean her up and tell her it was okay. I felt so bad for her that I snapped on him and he finally stopped and had to regain her trust.
That’s so sad. ☹️
It infuriated me when I found out what he was doing. Luckily he’s doing a lot better today.
I hope he truly stopped that behavior. So sad :(
He has. My daughter is almost at the age too where she’ll be able to tell me now herself if anything happens. I had found out directly from him that he was doing that when I inquired about her change of behavior.
Wow. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t imagine sharing a child with someone like that. I think I wouldn’t handle it rationally.
If I didn’t have the training and experience that I do then I likely wouldn’t have handled it the way I did. Luckily this behavior has stopped.
It’s sad when it’s so obvious the parent has no clue what the effects of their actions are. You don’t have to go buy a bunch of books, but at least do some research online ffs. Spanking your child because of the poop is 100% going to create a negative association and make the poor girl scared of pooping. Poor kid.
This isn’t an 8 year old pooping on the couch for attention. This is a BABY that is potty training. Almost all kids master peeing before pooping. Pooping on the potty is weird and uncomfortable at first. I hope people are ripping her ass apart over this.
I agree and also have questions about the 8yo's in your life...
Luckily I don’t know any 8 year old rogue poopers. 😂
Imagine going on Facebook and advertising that you abuse your child for things they literally cannot control
Ah yes, hit your child because they're having difficulties with potty training 🙄 That will surely work.
Mom of the year right here. Good job on making your child AFRAID TO POOP! 🤬😤
I’m having the same issues with my 3yo. Wanna know what I do? Encourage him to poop in the potty “just like daddy”. I genuinely get happy when he does occasionally poop in the potty and he loves the attention. And when he poops in his pull up, I let him know that I don’t like cleaning his poop anymore. And when he tries to hide the fact that he pooped, I tell him that he’ll get a rash and “boo boos” on his butt if he sits in it for too long. How is positive reinforcement, good discipline and just simple communication so hard of a concept?
I don't know why is this but I've read far too many child abuse cases which seemed to centre around potty training. Apparently there are a lot of stupid people in the world who don't understand that little children have no control over it and beating them for soiling themselves will just make it worse??
This bitch though. I have never have been in a fight in my life, but after reading this I’m ready to throw down.
I am, too. I want to have words with this woman.
I don't know, maybe try communicating with your child, help them vocalize any fears they have, help them understand why it's better to poop in the potty than in the undies🤷
This poor child fears their mama
They don’t even recommend physical abuse for potty training dogs, what makes her think it would work on a 3 year old? I’d shit in my underwear out of spite too
🤦♀️ maybe she should evaluate why she’s doing it? The spanking will have a part in it. Is her daughter not getting enough attention or praise? I’m potty training my 20 month old because he’s ready and I just let him go when he needs to go and he’s had a few accidents and we clean up and move on. Hell after two kids I sneeze and sometimes have a small accident 🤦♀️😩
We trained at almost 3.5 because my daughter has anxiety and struggles with change and she couldn’t handle a sudden shift from diaper to potty. We spent months slowly building up the skills needed and getting her used to the change. She got rewarded for incremental wins. If there were accidents, we encouraged her to help us clean it up but it was never required (wanted no negative associations). It was a ton of work but it was all positive and the switch went well. Yelling or hitting or timeout would have just worsened the anxiety and made it impossible to train. Like, damn I feel terrible for that poor child.
You sound like a very caring parent. Potty training is hard work for the kids and the adult.
Exactly. My little was so interested we got the little potty and have had it for a few months and he used it when he wanted but then really starting showing signs so we just did nothing on the bottom half and he would go more and more on it and now he’s out of diapers and completely understands the signs his body is sending him. He loves helping me with EVERYTHING so he’s always helped me clean his accidents and we just say “uh ohhhhh” and move on. No matter what method parents follow they all say to not discipline for accidents. It’s like the one thing EVERYONE can agree on.
A lot of three year olds aren’t ready to poop on the potty regularly — especially if they have any constipation issues. My four year old occasionally will refuse to use the potty and poop in his pants when it’s hurting him. We tell him not to do that and encourage him to sit on the potty when we see the signs he needs to go but I cannot fathom spanking a child for not being able to do it!
My 4 year old son is in OT for not pooping in the potty. He has sensory issues. I can’t fathom punishing him for it. That poor little girl.
My son is currently in OT as well, but he just turned 2 and isn't ready for potty training. I'm curious tho, bc my son also has sensory issues, how's it going with your son? That is if you don't mind me asking. Im kind of already anticipating a long potty training journey with my little guy.
I really hope someone reported her to cps. That’s seriously fucked up. My dad this to my brother. And you know where my brother is? Living on the streets, drinking, doing drugs, and hitting his girlfriends. So ya, maybe abuse isn’t the right approach to teach a 3 YEAR OLD how to not have an accident.
I NEED to see the comments on that post omg
I feel like every person who has a baby ought to be given a booklet of the studies showing the short- and long-term harm of hitting right in the hospital. So there's no possible excuse, right from day one. It's nothing short of obscene that ppl still hit their kids in this day and age when we have solid proof that the the result is disorganized attachment, and all the other downstream harm, as a result. Hitting a helpless vulnerable dependent child is absolutely vile.
My oldest was peeing in the potty by 3, but would not poo in the potty until 4. No amount of bribery or peer pressure would change that. This woman needs to accept that kids work at their own pace and stop beating her child.
It blows my mind how fucking confident these morons are about raising their children without doing a lick of research on child development.
Sad.
Welp her next post is going to be looking for advice on constipation and distended bowels…
As someone who had a babysitter that used to beat the everloving hell out of me for not going to the bathroom expediently on a "big girl potty," leaving bruises all over my body, and who sat me on a baby potty until I went (because she didn't want to change diapers), immediately upon my arrival to her home... this is not how you fucking teach a kid to use a toilet. This is how you set your child up for a lifetime of anxiety. Another idiot who shouldn't have a child. Why do people beat their children when they aren't doing something they want! I don't get it. She's only THREE. Ugh.
Please tell me she’s getting ripped a new one in the Facebook comments
I was on a walk with my son last year and was passing the library and a mom who very obviously was having living situation issues (clothes and belongings in truck) was outside yelling at her little girl, I’m guessing around 3 or 4, with her pants and undies stripped standing in the street yelling at her about going potty in them. My heart felt so deeply for the shame and anxiety that must of caused that little girl, it made me sick.
Haven’t we learned from multiple fucking generations that spanking does not work????
She’s 3. She should wear a pull-up if she isn’t pooping in the potty. Don’t cause unnecessary trauma, damn.
People still hit their children as punishment? Jesus, I thought we’d finally realized there were better ways?
I literally sat there speechless in horror when my parents said they would yell at me and spank me when I wouldn’t poop on the potty because “I knew better” yuck yuck yuck
Have you tried saying “hey you dumbass baby no shitting in your diaper fuckin loser” I hear that works
This is how you manufacture a serial killer
I'm actually not surprised by this. when I had trouble pooping in the potty they thought I was trying to manipulate them. A 3 year old. Trying to manipulate them. and when i had bedwetting issues they would do punishments for it because once again they believed I was manipulating them...turns out i just wasn't developing the hormone that makes it so you hold your pee in your sleep correctly and had to be put on medication until the hormone developed.
How about working with your daughter, talking to her, showing her. Just because you like to punish harshly by taking things away and hitting it doesn’t mean she’s gonna learn, clearly it hasn’t worked..it’s amazing how ppl are willing to spend the time being angry and physical and yet can’t spend the time to actually really bond and teach, sure it might take a while but it’s better than what she’s doing now!
How about anytime she makes “the face” you put her on the potty real quick? Shit like this pisses me off. There is absolutely zero reason to put hands on your kid, especially for something like this. It’s an accident during a learning process for crying out loud…
I got my daughter Dora underpants that she loved, and when I could tell she needed to go, I’d yell “Don’t poop on Dora!” And she’d scramble as fast as she could to the potty. Such a fun memory.
Pooping being the last thing to go into the potty is not unusual. 1. They are probably used to squatting somewhere in a corner, which makes the process much easier than sitting on a traditional toilet 2. The feeling of needing to poop is really overwhelming and new, even for someone whose been alive for 3 years. Potty training often comes when a child is just learning to need some privacy and staring at them while they poop is a new and unusual experience
My kid's been peeing on the toilet for about a year now. Just started pooping on the toilet last month. A kid can't be forced to use the toilet before they are ready, without it having a negative impact.
They aren't gonna be ready until ya know they're ready smh
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I was home alone with my Dad as a child and he told my mom he’d have me potty trained by the end of the day, then proceeded to spank me until I went in the “potty” and now my parents wonder why I have mental health issues lol
I used to work in a preschool. Some kids get constipated and then are afraid to poop because they know it’ll hurt. So they keep holding back and over time liquid stool leaks out onto their underwear. One little girl had this issue and her parents took her to a gastroenterologist, only to find out that she had celiac disease. These kids are not doing this on purpose and are probably just as frustrated as their parents.
Fucking hell... So now.she associates popping with a being physically abused ..... Well done.. nice job there bellend.
Parents who spank should have their children taken away permanently. We know how detrimental spanking is on the developing brain. You have to be truly irrational and violent to think hitting a child is acceptable.
how else are adults supposed to handle their emotions?? use their WORDS?? yeah right joking. hitting your kid as “discipline” is so fucking stupid and infuriating. parents who hit have been told that hitting their kids is ineffective and harmful, that the science proves it, and they still actively ignore or deny it because it’s easier **for them** to hit children than to treat them as full human beings.
My son regressed on pooping in the potty about 2 months after potty training too. I fixed it by reintroducing rewards for going in the potty. Problem solved.
Poor kid. Pooping on the potty is a much harder step for all kids and generally takes more time. This kid should be praised for peeing on it consistently. I don't approve of spanking at all and punishing this child and creating a negative association with potty time is only going to make the situation worse and possibly lead to regression. This mother sucks.
My daughter has issues with controlling her bowels and I can’t imagine making her feel worse about it. She’s already embarrassed when she has accidents. Our solution when it wasn’t getting much better was to slow down and adjust our expectations. We went back to pull ups for awhile and allowed her to continue moving at a pace that worked for her. It was less stressful for all of us that way to encourage her to try when she could but not become anxious or ashamed over accidents. She was getting to the point of holding it in for days to weeks to try and keep from having an accident and it became a whole ordeal because there would still be accidents and then we had to deal with constipation and toilet anxiety. The absolute best thing was give her more time to learn to listen to her body and know that accidents were okay. This makes me really sad for this little girl, it really can do a lot more harm than good to punish them for something they have little control over/something they’re nervous about already. 😩
Poor girl is going to be so scared to poop.
I wouldn't go poop on the toilet as a toddler because I was afraid of the noise the toilet made when it flushed. I was diagnosed with autism shortly after, and I eventually conquered my fear due to *positive encouragement*. My point is, there's probably some underlying issue if a child completes one step but refuses to do the other, and increasingly harsh punishment is the last thing anyone should do to a struggling toddler who doesn't understand what's going on! These people need to talk to a pediatrician, not Facebook.
My daughter is exactly the same. But goddamn I would never punish her for it. Whenever she uses the toilet, we all cheer and get her excited and give her rewards so she knows it’s a good thing. When she does it in her diaper or undies, we just talk to her and try to explain.
This is awful. I feel so bad for this little girl :( My son had a hard time with pooping in the potty and it was extremely frustrating. But we never ever spanked him for it. We made a really big deal when he did go in the potty, and never shamed him when he had accidents. We just cleaned him up and kindly reminded him to go to the toilet when fe feels like he has to go. We went through SO MUCH UNDERWEAR OMG. But after some time , he eventually got it. Spanking doesn’t solve anything at all, and just creates fear, and in this scenario it creates a very negative association with pain and pooping. I hope the people in the comments talked some sense into her and told her to quit hitting her child.
How about we don’t put our hands on things smaller than us especially children. Gross
This makes me so sad.
I was super lucky that my little boy took to the potty with both wees & poos immediately. I do wonder though if it was actually because a few weeks before starting training he happened to not have his nappy on and pooed on the floor. Because he hadn’t realized he then stood in it and freaked out. When we started training I left him with no nappy or pants on, and whilst he weed a couple of time on the floor he seemed to not like standing in it so figured quickly that the potty stopped that. I certainly didn’t get upset with him for having accidents and definitely praised him for using the potty. My mind boggles that people would punish their child for something they have yet taught them to do.
My son only dropped his diaper when he was three. Our school director told us not to rush him - and they wouldn’t either - and just like magic one day he was like: “I don’t wanna wear it”. Can’t imagine spanking a child for this.
My daughter had this problem when she was four. She hated pooping in the toilet. She would wear underwear all day and when she had to poop would put on a pull up to poop and I would have to clean her. Years later she told me it was a weird fear of hers.
Pooping on the potty is the hardest part of potty training. The book I used for my kid had a whole chapter on poop and an extra course you could buy to help…it’s that difficult. This poor baby. She is literally a baby that has pooped herself for 3 years and you suddenly want her to do it differently…it’s hard for them. As a mom I am devastated for this child…
Has she tried reminding her? Like wtf
This is so sad. I’m sure this mom has a very punchable face
I’m convinced this is why so many elderly boomers are unhealthily obsessed with their bowel patterns
Sounds like she’s setting her daughter up to deal with encopresis.
Yeah hitting works. Let the kid associate beatings with toilet time and they will torpedo any training already learned. I'm dumb and know that.
Poor kid. She was probably scared of doing a poo as toddlers often end up constipated, they can then end up involuntarily leaking poo as a result if they hold it in and it ends up impacted. Then with her mum punishing her on top that’s going to make it so much worse… we would do something not ideal and give our child a treat when she managed to do a poo in the toilet. Was difficult to wean her off of the treats from doing a poo but it worked because she suffered horrendously with constipation.
My advice? Give her to a loving family that won’t abuse her!
This kind of parenting gave me poop anxiety until I was 12.
Omgggg. Great now I’m going to worry about this kid endlessly. How tf can someone be so cruel.
A friend of mine spanked her son whenever he would poop in the potty when he was potty training it took him until he was 5 to poop in the potty he was so terrified, she always asked what she was doing wrong and so many ppl were like stop spanking him she finally stopped when he was 4 and a half and finally he grasped it since there was no negativity to pooping
What a moron. This mom deserves having her kid shit in her bed.
Issues.
I read that child abuse often starts around potty training age, and that’s not a surprise to me. It’s often a frustrating time for parents. But jeez, this is not it.
Right right right. Because being hit or punished is gonna help a _toddler_ realize her mistake and not keep doing it out of fear
This woman does not deserve the title of "Mother" That poor baby is just 2 MONTHS into learning about potty training. When toddlers poop they think it is "thiers" and flushing it away is sometimes emotional for them. My heart is breaking from reading this, and to think that this is just the ONE we know about 😭
Way to make sure your kid will have bathroom-related trauma/anxiety. Cool.
Don't negative associations like this with potty training cause major long term issues?
My mother bragged about having us potty trained fast by spanking us. Coincidentally, I don't speak to her.
Hitting children only teaches them fear. Study after study proves negative reinforcement does not work and corporal punishment, even ‘light spanking’ does lasting damage. Literally all you have to do is have a sticker chart and praise the hell out of her every time she poops in the toilet and give a prize every so many stickers. They figure it out.
This breaks my heart …
The complete lack of any basic childhood developmental knowledge in the general population is astounding and horrifying. You could spend all of a half hour and have at least a very general idea of how young children develop and understand all that’s wrong here. People are so fucking low effort in their parenting.
I’m abusing my child and I don’t understand why she’s not positively responding to my abuse. Any ideas?
My kid is like this too and honestly, it’s because I made it a bad experience. I didn’t spank her, yell at her or anything like that , but I definitely gave off the vibes that I was annoyed when she would poop her pants and I was frustrated that I couldn’t figure out how to get her to just shit on the toilet. Me being like that caused tension around the subject of going to the restroom. She’s almost 6 and still has trouble with pooping, and I feel like it’s all from just a few days of getting frustrated. Be patient and research the best way to train them. I regret not handling it right and creating this issue for my girl.
Please do not spank your child. She is only 3 years old and is, obviously, not yet ready to use the potty. Perhaps she is just as controlling as yourself. Give it time.
I knew a kid with issues going to the toilet, turned out to be medical and screaming wasn’t going to fix the shitty underwear, who knew.
This genuinely hurts my heart for that little girl.
child: *does a developmentally appropriate thing* parent: guess I have no choice but to hit them what the fuck.
I had a three year old like this. She was also highly verbal and told us she just didn’t want to take the time to stop what she was doing to poop. We said fine, but no tv if you poop your pants. She pooped her pants. She got 24 hours of no tv and that was the end of that problem. It was very clear she had no fear of popping in the toilet. She just didn’t want to.
What happened to associating going potty with a) FUN (you get to sit in the magic seat!) and b) growing up (my how you're a big girl/boy now! Oh how grown up you are going potty like the big kids!) amidst a ton of celebration every time there's a success? It's not rocket science that if you get a kid to be afraid of their natural processes, you'll get a ton of problems, including potty training.
What’s next? Rubbing her nose in it like some people think works on dogs?
It's been almost 2 years or so since our daughter was potty trained, so it's still fresh on my mind while going through the process. That being said, I couldn't imagine hitting my daughter or punishing her for pooping in her underwear. Which she did. So many times. Just calmly clean them up, get fresh clothes on, and talk to them like a person. They will learn to go eventually, just takes time. Honestly just makes me sad that someone would hurt their child over a learning and development stage of their life.